ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Al Vernacchio - Sexuality educator
In his 12th-grade Sexuality and Society class, Al Vernacchio speaks honestly and positively about human sexuality.

Why you should listen

Al Vernacchio teaches at Friends’ Central, a private Quaker school just outside Philadelphia. His positive, enthusiastic and often humorous approach to comprehensive sexuality education (rather than abstinence-only education) has made “Mr. V.” a popular speaker -- and has recently brought him to the attention of the New York Times Magazine, which profiled his class in the November 20, 2011, cover story "Teaching Good Sex". When not talking about sexuality, Vernacchio teaches English and is the faculty moderator of the school's Gay-Straight Alliance. He's also a seasoned wedding officiant.

More profile about the speaker
Al Vernacchio | Speaker | TED.com
TED2012

Al Vernacchio: Sex needs a new metaphor. Here's one ...

Filmed:
2,110,982 views

For some reason, says educator Al Vernacchio, the metaphors for talking about sex in the US all come from baseball -- scoring, getting to first base, etc. The problem is, this frames sex as a competition, with a winner and a loser. Instead, he suggests a new metaphor, one that's more about shared pleasure, discussion and agreement, fulfillment and enjoyment. Let's talk about … pizza.
- Sexuality educator
In his 12th-grade Sexuality and Society class, Al Vernacchio speaks honestly and positively about human sexuality. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:12
I'd like to talk to you today
0
581
2270
00:14
about a whole new way to think about sexual activity
1
2851
4186
00:19
and sexuality education, by comparison.
2
7037
4073
00:23
If you talk to someone today in America
3
11110
2666
00:25
about sexual activity,
4
13776
1824
00:27
you'll find pretty soon you're not just talking
5
15600
3648
00:31
about sexual activity.
6
19248
1658
00:32
You're also talking about baseball.
7
20906
3046
00:35
Because baseball is the dominant cultural metaphor
8
23952
4234
00:40
that Americans use to think about
9
28186
2518
00:42
and talk about sexual activity,
10
30704
2849
00:45
and we know that because there's
11
33553
1524
00:47
all this language in English
12
35077
2608
00:49
that seems to be talking about baseball
13
37685
2945
00:52
but that's really talking about sexual activity.
14
40630
3859
00:56
So, for example, you can be a pitcher or a catcher,
15
44489
3199
00:59
and that corresponds to whether you
16
47688
1927
01:01
perform a sexual act or receive a sexual act.
17
49615
3768
01:05
Of course, there are the bases,
18
53383
1006
01:06
which refer to specific sexual activities
19
54389
3218
01:09
that happen in a very specific order,
20
57607
3215
01:12
ultimately resulting in scoring a run
21
60822
2778
01:15
or hitting a home run,
22
63600
1004
01:16
which is usually having vaginal intercourse
23
64604
2308
01:18
to the point of orgasm,
24
66912
1712
01:20
at least for the guy.
25
68624
2393
01:23
(Laughter)
26
71017
1929
01:24
You can strike out, which means
27
72946
1458
01:26
you don't get to have any sexual activity.
28
74404
2528
01:28
And if you're a benchwarmer,
29
76932
1212
01:30
you might be a virgin or somebody who for
30
78144
2561
01:32
whatever reason isn't in the game,
31
80705
2249
01:34
maybe because of your age or because of your ability
32
82954
3165
01:38
or because of your skillset.
33
86119
3046
01:41
A bat's a penis,
34
89165
1618
01:42
and a nappy dugout is a vulva, or a vagina.
35
90783
4069
01:46
A glove or a catcher's mitt is a condom.
36
94852
3108
01:49
A switch-hitter is a bisexual person,
37
97960
2917
01:52
and we gay and lesbian folks play for the other team.
38
100877
3692
01:56
And then there's this one:
39
104569
2599
01:59
"if there's grass on the field, play ball."
40
107168
4024
02:03
And that usually refers to
41
111192
2404
02:05
if a young person, specifically often a young woman,
42
113596
3357
02:08
is old enough to have pubic hair,
43
116953
1732
02:10
she's old enough to have sex with.
44
118685
2725
02:13
This baseball model is incredibly problematic.
45
121410
2983
02:16
It's sexist. It's heterosexist.
46
124393
2351
02:18
It's competitive. It's goal-directed.
47
126744
2376
02:21
And it can't result in healthy sexuality
48
129120
2783
02:23
developing in young people or in adults.
49
131903
3048
02:26
So we need a new model.
50
134951
1722
02:28
I'm here today to offer you that new model.
51
136673
2559
02:31
And it's based on
52
139232
1775
02:33
pizza.
53
141007
1826
02:34
Now pizza is something that is universally understood
54
142833
3447
02:38
and that most people associate with a positive experience.
55
146280
2897
02:41
So let's do this.
56
149177
980
02:42
Let's take baseball and pizza and compare it
57
150157
2969
02:45
when talking about three aspects of sexual activity:
58
153126
3444
02:48
the trigger for sexual activity,
59
156570
1653
02:50
what happens during sexual activity,
60
158223
2218
02:52
and the expected outcome of sexual activity.
61
160441
3152
02:55
So when do you play baseball?
62
163593
2808
02:58
You play baseball when it's baseball season
63
166401
2440
03:00
and when there's a game on the schedule.
64
168841
2282
03:03
It's not exactly your choice.
65
171123
2310
03:05
So if it's prom night or a wedding night
66
173433
2896
03:08
or at a party or if our parents aren't home,
67
176329
3070
03:11
hey, it's just batter up.
68
179399
2732
03:14
Can you imagine saying to your coach,
69
182131
1699
03:15
"Uh, I'm not really feeling it today,
70
183830
2588
03:18
I think I'll sit this game out."
71
186418
2067
03:20
That's just not the way it happens.
72
188485
2092
03:22
And when you get together to play baseball,
73
190577
1523
03:24
immediately you're with two opposing teams,
74
192100
3000
03:27
one playing offense, one playing defense,
75
195100
2330
03:29
somebody's trying to move deeper into the field.
76
197430
2795
03:32
That's usually a sign to the boy.
77
200225
1933
03:34
Somebody's trying to defend people moving into the field.
78
202158
3036
03:37
That's often given to the girl.
79
205194
2229
03:39
It's competitive.
80
207423
1035
03:40
We're not playing with each other.
81
208458
1789
03:42
We're playing against each other.
82
210247
1407
03:43
And when you show up to play baseball,
83
211654
1932
03:45
nobody needs to talk about what we're going to do
84
213586
2544
03:48
or how this baseball game might be good for us.
85
216130
2541
03:50
Everybody knows the rules.
86
218671
1186
03:51
You just take your position and play the game.
87
219857
4456
03:56
But when do you have pizza?
88
224313
2360
03:58
Well, you have pizza when you're hungry for pizza.
89
226673
4242
04:02
It starts with an internal sense, an internal desire, or a need.
90
230915
4094
04:07
"Huh. I could go for some pizza."
91
235009
3672
04:10
(Laughter)
92
238681
2257
04:12
And because it's an internal desire,
93
240938
2977
04:15
we actually have some sense of control over that.
94
243915
1944
04:17
I could decide that I'm hungry
95
245859
1968
04:19
but know that it's not a great time to eat.
96
247827
3531
04:23
And then when we get together with someone for pizza,
97
251358
2662
04:26
we're not competing with them,
98
254020
2850
04:28
we're looking for an experience
99
256870
1239
04:30
that both of us will share
100
258109
1286
04:31
that's satisfying for both of us,
101
259395
2235
04:33
and when you get together for pizza with somebody,
102
261630
3005
04:36
what's the first thing you do?
103
264635
1548
04:38
You talk about it.
104
266183
1922
04:40
You talk about what you want.
105
268105
1531
04:41
You talk about what you like.
106
269636
1493
04:43
You may even negotiate it.
107
271129
1556
04:44
"How do you feel about pepperoni?" (Laughter)
108
272685
2769
04:47
"Not so much, I'm kind of a mushroom guy myself."
109
275454
2627
04:50
"Well, maybe we can go half and half."
110
278081
2066
04:52
And even if you've had pizza with somebody
111
280147
1951
04:54
for a very long time,
112
282098
3108
04:57
don't you still say things like,
113
285206
2062
04:59
"Should we get the usual?"
114
287268
1993
05:01
(Laughter)
115
289261
1163
05:02
"Or maybe something a little more adventurous?"
116
290424
3757
05:06
Okay, so when you're playing baseball,
117
294181
1828
05:08
so if we talk about during sexual activity,
118
296009
2124
05:10
when you're playing baseball,
119
298133
1374
05:11
you're just supposed to round the bases
120
299507
2559
05:14
in the proper order one at a time.
121
302066
2480
05:16
You can't hit the ball and run to right field.
122
304546
2085
05:18
That doesn't work.
123
306631
1352
05:19
And you also can't get to second base and say,
124
307983
2318
05:22
"I like it here. I'm going to stay here."
125
310301
4400
05:26
No.
126
314701
1421
05:28
And also, of course, with baseball, there's, like,
127
316122
2055
05:30
the specific equipment and a specific skill set.
128
318177
2500
05:32
Not everybody can play baseball. It's pretty exclusive.
129
320677
3977
05:36
Okay, but what about pizza?
130
324654
1658
05:38
When we're trying to figure out what's good for pizza,
131
326312
2104
05:40
isn't it all about what's our pleasure?
132
328416
3177
05:43
There are a million different kinds of pizza.
133
331593
1732
05:45
There's a million different toppings.
134
333325
1686
05:47
There's a million different ways to eat pizza.
135
335011
2402
05:49
And none of them are wrong. They're different.
136
337413
2949
05:52
And in this case, difference is good,
137
340362
2448
05:54
because that's going to increase the chance
138
342810
1820
05:56
that we're having a satisfying experience.
139
344630
2836
05:59
And lastly, what's the expected outcome of baseball?
140
347466
2960
06:02
Well, in baseball, you play to win.
141
350426
3698
06:06
You score as many runs as you can.
142
354124
2533
06:08
There's always a winner in baseball,
143
356657
1988
06:10
and that means there's always a loser in baseball.
144
358645
3421
06:14
But what about pizza?
145
362066
1656
06:15
Well, in pizza, we're not really --
146
363722
2211
06:17
there's no winning. How do you win pizza?
147
365933
3667
06:21
You don't. But you do look for,
148
369600
3255
06:24
"Are we satisfied?"
149
372855
1721
06:26
And sometimes that can be different amounts
150
374576
1893
06:28
over different times or with different people
151
376469
1911
06:30
or on different days.
152
378380
2352
06:32
And we get to decide when we feel satisfied.
153
380732
3130
06:35
If we're still hungry, we might have some more.
154
383862
2838
06:38
If you eat too much, though,
155
386700
1538
06:40
you just feel gross.
156
388238
1905
06:42
(Laughter)
157
390143
2409
06:44
So what if we could take this pizza model
158
392552
2686
06:47
and overlay it on top of sexuality education?
159
395238
3372
06:50
A lot of sexuality education that happens today
160
398610
2539
06:53
is so influenced by the baseball model,
161
401149
3426
06:56
and it sets up education that can't help
162
404575
3793
07:00
but produce unhealthy sexuality in young people.
163
408368
3733
07:04
And those young people become older people.
164
412101
2263
07:06
But if we could create sexuality education
165
414364
3459
07:09
that was more like pizza,
166
417823
2349
07:12
we could create education that invites people
167
420172
3448
07:15
to think about their own desires,
168
423620
2295
07:17
to make deliberate decisions about what they want,
169
425915
3252
07:21
to talk about it with their partners,
170
429167
2632
07:23
and to ultimately look for
171
431799
1673
07:25
not some external outcome
172
433472
3144
07:28
but for what feels satisfying,
173
436616
3157
07:31
and we get to decide that.
174
439773
2519
07:34
You may have noticed
175
442292
761
07:35
in the baseball and pizza comparison,
176
443053
2879
07:37
under the baseball, it's all commands.
177
445932
2840
07:40
They're all exclamation points.
178
448772
2097
07:42
But under the pizza model, they're questions.
179
450869
3069
07:45
And who gets to answer those questions?
180
453938
1848
07:47
You do. I do.
181
455786
3694
07:51
So remember, when we're thinking about
182
459480
1900
07:53
sexuality education and sexual activity,
183
461380
2746
07:56
baseball, you're out.
184
464126
2190
07:58
Pizza is the way to think about healthy,
185
466316
3232
08:01
satisfying sexual activity,
186
469548
2440
08:03
and good, comprehensive sexuality education.
187
471988
2940
08:06
Thank you very much for your time.
188
474928
2230
08:09
(Applause)
189
477158
4662

▲Back to top

ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Al Vernacchio - Sexuality educator
In his 12th-grade Sexuality and Society class, Al Vernacchio speaks honestly and positively about human sexuality.

Why you should listen

Al Vernacchio teaches at Friends’ Central, a private Quaker school just outside Philadelphia. His positive, enthusiastic and often humorous approach to comprehensive sexuality education (rather than abstinence-only education) has made “Mr. V.” a popular speaker -- and has recently brought him to the attention of the New York Times Magazine, which profiled his class in the November 20, 2011, cover story "Teaching Good Sex". When not talking about sexuality, Vernacchio teaches English and is the faculty moderator of the school's Gay-Straight Alliance. He's also a seasoned wedding officiant.

More profile about the speaker
Al Vernacchio | Speaker | TED.com