TEDMED 2016
Sue Klebold: My son was a Columbine shooter. This is my story
Sue Klebold: O meu fillo foi un tiroteador en Columbine. Esta é a miña historia.
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Sue Klebold é a nai de Dylan Klebold, un dos dous tiroteadores que mataron a 12 estudantes e un profesor na masacre do instituto Columbine. Sue pasou anos escarvando en cada detalle da súa vida familiar, intentando comprender se puido ter feito algo para previr a violencia do seu fillo. Nesta charla difícil e dolorosa, Klebold explora a intersección entre a saúde mental e a violencia, pedíndolles a pais e profesionais que examinen a relación entre os pensamentos suicidas e os homicidas.
Sue Klebold - Activist
Sue Klebold has become a passionate agent working to advance mental health awareness and intervention. Full bio
Sue Klebold has become a passionate agent working to advance mental health awareness and intervention. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:26
The last time I heard my son's voice
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A derradeira vez que oín
a voz do meu fillo
a voz do meu fillo
00:28
was when he walked out the front door
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foi cando saíu pola porta da casa
00:30
on his way to school.
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para ir ao instituto.
00:33
He called out one word in the darkness:
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Na escuridade, dixo unha palabra:
00:36
"Bye."
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"Adeus".
00:38
It was April 20, 1999.
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Era o 20 de abril de 1999.
00:41
Later that morning,
at Columbine High School,
at Columbine High School,
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Máis tarde aquela mañá,
no instituto de Columbine
no instituto de Columbine
00:44
my son Dylan and his friend Eric
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o meu fillo Dylan e o seu amigo Eric
00:47
killed 12 students and a teacher
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mataron a 12 estudantes e a un profesor
00:51
and wounded more than 20 others
before taking their own lives.
before taking their own lives.
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e feriron a outras 20 persoas máis,
antes de quitarse a vida.
antes de quitarse a vida.
00:56
Thirteen innocent people were killed,
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Trece persoas inocentes foron asasinadas,
00:59
leaving their loved ones
in a state of grief and trauma.
in a state of grief and trauma.
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deixando aos seus seres queridos
nun estado de dó e trauma.
nun estado de dó e trauma.
01:03
Others sustained injuries,
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Outros recibiron feridas,
01:05
some resulting in disfigurement
and permanent disability.
and permanent disability.
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que desfiguraron a uns e deixaron
a outros con discapacidade permanente.
a outros con discapacidade permanente.
01:10
But the enormity of the tragedy
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Pero a gravidade da traxedia
01:12
can't be measured only by the number
of deaths and injuries that took place.
of deaths and injuries that took place.
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non pode medirse só polo número
de mortes e feridos.
de mortes e feridos.
01:17
There's no way to quantify
the psychological damage
the psychological damage
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Non hai xeito de medir
os danos psicolóxicos
os danos psicolóxicos
01:21
of those who were in the school,
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daqueles que estaban no instituto,
01:23
or who took part
in rescue or cleanup efforts.
in rescue or cleanup efforts.
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ou dos que participaron
nos esforzos de rescate e limpeza.
nos esforzos de rescate e limpeza.
01:27
There's no way to assess
the magnitude of a tragedy like Columbine,
the magnitude of a tragedy like Columbine,
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Non hai maneira de calcular a magnitude
dunha traxedia como a de Columbine,
dunha traxedia como a de Columbine,
01:31
especially when it can be a blueprint
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especialmente cando
pode servir de modelo
pode servir de modelo
01:33
for other shooters who go on
to commit atrocities of their own.
to commit atrocities of their own.
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para outros tiradores
que deciden cometer atrocidades.
que deciden cometer atrocidades.
01:38
Columbine was a tidal wave,
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Columbine foi coma un maremoto,
e cando a colisión rematou,
01:41
and when the crash ended,
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01:42
it would take years
for the community and for society
for the community and for society
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pasaron anos ata que a comunidade
e a sociedade foron capaces
e a sociedade foron capaces
01:46
to comprehend its impact.
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de comprender o seu impacto.
01:49
It has taken me years
to try to accept my son's legacy.
to try to accept my son's legacy.
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Tardei moitos anos en intentar aceptar
o legado do meu fillo.
o legado do meu fillo.
01:54
The cruel behavior
that defined the end of his life
that defined the end of his life
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O comportamento cruel
que marcou o final da súa vida
que marcou o final da súa vida
01:57
showed me that he was a completely
different person from the one I knew.
different person from the one I knew.
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fíxome ver que era unha persoa
completamente distinta da que eu coñecía.
completamente distinta da que eu coñecía.
02:02
Afterwards people asked,
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Despois, a xente preguntábame,
02:05
"How could you not know?
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"Como puideches non darte conta?
02:07
What kind of a mother were you?"
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Que clase de nai eras?"
02:10
I still ask myself those same questions.
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Aínda me fago esas mesmas preguntas.
02:14
Before the shootings,
I thought of myself as a good mom.
I thought of myself as a good mom.
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Antes do tiroteo, eu pensaba
que era unha boa nai.
que era unha boa nai.
02:17
Helping my children become caring,
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Axudarlles aos meus fillos
a converterse en adultos
a converterse en adultos
02:20
healthy, responsible adults
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xenerosos, sans e responsables
02:22
was the most important role of my life.
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era o papel máis importante da miña vida.
02:26
But the tragedy convinced me
that I failed as a parent,
that I failed as a parent,
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Pero a traxedia convenceume
de que fracasei como nai,
de que fracasei como nai,
02:30
and it's partially this sense of failure
that brings me here today.
that brings me here today.
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e en parte é este sentimento de fracaso
o que me trae hoxe aquí.
o que me trae hoxe aquí.
02:36
Aside from his father,
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Á parte de seu pai,
02:37
I was the one person
who knew and loved Dylan the most.
who knew and loved Dylan the most.
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eu era a persoa que máis coñecía
e quería a Dylan.
e quería a Dylan.
02:41
If anyone could have known
what was happening,
what was happening,
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Se alguén puidese saber o que pasaba,
02:44
it should have been me, right?
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debería ser eu, non si?
02:47
But I didn't know.
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Pero non o sabía.
02:50
Today, I'm here to share the experience
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Estou aquí para compartir a experiencia
02:52
of what it's like to be the mother
of someone who kills and hurts.
of someone who kills and hurts.
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do que é ser a nai de alguén
que mata e causa dor.
que mata e causa dor.
02:57
For years after the tragedy,
I combed through memories,
I combed through memories,
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Durante anos despois da traxedia
repasei moitos recordos
repasei moitos recordos
03:01
trying to figure out
exactly where I failed as a parent.
exactly where I failed as a parent.
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intentando atopar en que fallara como nai.
03:05
But there are no simple answers.
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Pero non hai respostas simples.
03:08
I can't give you any solutions.
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Non podo darvos ningunha solución.
03:10
All I can do
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Todo o que podo facer
03:12
is share what I have learned.
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é compartir o que aprendín.
03:16
When I talk to people
who didn't know me before the shootings,
who didn't know me before the shootings,
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Cando falo con xente
que non me coñecía antes do tiroteo
que non me coñecía antes do tiroteo
03:20
I have three challenges to meet.
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enfróntome a tres desafíos.
03:22
First, when I walk into a room like this,
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O primeiro, cando entro nunha sala
coma esta,
coma esta,
03:26
I never know if someone there
has experienced loss
has experienced loss
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nunca sei se alguén que está aquí
sufriu a falta dun ser querido
sufriu a falta dun ser querido
03:30
because of what my son did.
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por culpa do que fixo o meu fillo.
03:33
I feel a need to acknowledge the suffering
caused by a member of my family
caused by a member of my family
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Sinto que debo recoñecer o sufrimento
que un membro da miña familia causou
que un membro da miña familia causou
03:37
who isn't here to do it for himself.
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xa que el non está aquí para facelo.
03:40
So first, with all of my heart,
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Así que, con todo o meu corazón,
03:43
I'm sorry if my son has caused you pain.
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pídovos perdón pola dor que o meu fillo
vos puido causar.
vos puido causar.
03:48
The second challenge I have
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O segundo desafío ó que me enfronto
03:51
is that I must ask for understanding
and even compassion
and even compassion
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é que debo pedir comprensión
e incluso compaixón
e incluso compaixón
03:55
when I talk about
my son's death as a suicide.
my son's death as a suicide.
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cando falo sobre a morte do meu fillo
coma un suicidio.
coma un suicidio.
03:59
Two years before he died,
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Dous anos antes de morrer
04:01
he wrote on a piece of paper in a notebook
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escribiu nun caderno
04:03
that he was cutting himself.
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que se estaba cortando.
04:06
He said that he was in agony
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Dicía que estaba angustiado
04:07
and wanted to get a gun
so he could end his life.
so he could end his life.
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e que quería unha pistola
para acabar coa súa vida.
para acabar coa súa vida.
04:11
I didn't know about any of this
until months after his death.
until months after his death.
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Non souben nada disto
ata meses despois da súa morte.
ata meses despois da súa morte.
04:15
When I talk about his death as a suicide,
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Cando falo da súa morte coma un suicidio,
04:19
I'm not trying to downplay the viciousness
he showed at the end of his life.
he showed at the end of his life.
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non pretendo minimizar a maldade
que mostrou ao fin da súa vida.
que mostrou ao fin da súa vida.
04:23
I'm trying to understand
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Estou intentando entender
04:25
how his suicidal thinking
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como o seu pensamento suicida
04:27
led to murder.
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o levou a asasinar.
04:30
After a lot of reading
and talking with experts,
and talking with experts,
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Despois de ler moito e falar con expertos,
04:33
I have come to believe
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cheguei á conclusión
04:35
that his involvement in the shootings
was rooted not in his desire to kill
was rooted not in his desire to kill
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de que a súa participación no tiroteo
xurdía non dun desexo de matar,
xurdía non dun desexo de matar,
04:40
but in his desire to die.
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senón dun desexo de morrer.
04:43
The third challenge I have
when I talk about my son's murder-suicide
when I talk about my son's murder-suicide
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O terceiro desafío que teño cando falo
da morte-suicidio do meu fillo
da morte-suicidio do meu fillo
04:48
is that I'm talking about mental health --
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é que estou falando de saúde mental,
04:52
excuse me --
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--perdón--
04:53
is that I'm talking about mental health,
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é que estou falando de saúde mental
04:56
or brain health, as I prefer to call it,
because it's more concrete.
because it's more concrete.
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ou saúde cerebral, como prefiro
chamarlle, porque é máis concreto.
chamarlle, porque é máis concreto.
05:00
And in the same breath,
I'm talking about violence.
I'm talking about violence.
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E ao mesmo tempo,
estou a falar de violencia.
estou a falar de violencia.
05:04
The last thing I want to do
is to contribute to the misunderstanding
is to contribute to the misunderstanding
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O último que quero facer
é contribuír á incomprensión
é contribuír á incomprensión
05:08
that already exists around mental illness.
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que xa existe arredor
das enfermidades mentais.
das enfermidades mentais.
05:11
Only a very small percent of those
who have a mental illness
who have a mental illness
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Só unha pequena porcentaxe da xente
que pacede unha enfermidade mental
que pacede unha enfermidade mental
05:16
are violent toward other people,
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actúa de xeito violento
contra outras persoas,
contra outras persoas,
05:19
but of those who die by suicide,
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pero daqueles que se suicidan,
05:22
it's estimated that about 75
to maybe more than 90 percent
to maybe more than 90 percent
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estímase que entre o 75
e talvez máis do 90 por cento
e talvez máis do 90 por cento
05:27
have a diagnosable
mental health condition of some kind.
mental health condition of some kind.
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teñen algún tipo
de problema mental diagnosticable.
de problema mental diagnosticable.
05:31
As you all know very well,
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Como ben sabedes,
05:32
our mental health care system
is not equipped to help everyone,
is not equipped to help everyone,
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o noso sistema de saúde
non está preparado para axudar a todos
non está preparado para axudar a todos
05:37
and not everyone with destructive thoughts
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e non todo o mundo
con pensamentos destrutivos
con pensamentos destrutivos
05:39
fits the criteria
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cumpre os criterios
05:41
for a specific diagnosis.
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para un diagnóstico específico.
05:44
Many who have ongoing feelings
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Moita xente que ten pensamentos constantes
05:46
of fear or anger or hopelessness
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de medo, enfado ou desesperanza
05:50
are never assessed or treated.
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nunca é avaliada ou tratada.
05:52
Too often, they get our attention
only if they reach a behavioral crisis.
only if they reach a behavioral crisis.
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A miúdo, só reciben a nosa atención
se chegan a ter unha crise.
se chegan a ter unha crise.
05:58
If estimates are correct
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Se son correctos os cálculos que din
06:00
that about one
to two percent of all suicides
to two percent of all suicides
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que entre o 1 e o 2% dos suicidios
06:03
involves the murder of another person,
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supoñen o asasinato doutra persoa,
06:07
when suicide rates rise,
as they are rising for some populations,
as they are rising for some populations,
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cando as taxas de suicidio soben,
como está pasando nalgúns lugares,
como está pasando nalgúns lugares,
06:11
the murder-suicide rates
will rise as well.
will rise as well.
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as taxas de asasinato e suicidio
tamén subirán.
tamén subirán.
06:15
I wanted to understand what was going on
in Dylan's mind prior to his death,
in Dylan's mind prior to his death,
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Eu quería entender o que pasaba pola
cabeza do meu fillo antes da súa morte,
cabeza do meu fillo antes da súa morte,
06:21
so I looked for answers
from other survivors of suicide loss.
from other survivors of suicide loss.
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así que busquei respostas daqueles
que sufriran unha perda por suicidio.
que sufriran unha perda por suicidio.
06:26
I did research and volunteered
to help with fund-raising events,
to help with fund-raising events,
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Investiguei e axudei
na recadación de fondos,
na recadación de fondos,
06:31
and whenever I could,
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e sempre que podía,
06:33
I talked with those who had
survived their own suicidal crisis
survived their own suicidal crisis
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falaba con persoas que sobreviviran
á súa propia crise suicida
á súa propia crise suicida
06:37
or attempt.
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ou intento de suicidio.
06:39
One of the most helpful
conversations I had
conversations I had
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Unha das conversas que máis me axudaron
06:42
was with a coworker
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foi cunha compañeira
06:43
who overheard me talking to someone else
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que me oíu falando con outra persoa
06:45
in my office cubicle.
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na oficina.
06:47
She heard me say
that Dylan could not have loved me
that Dylan could not have loved me
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Oíume dicir que non podía ser
que Dylan me quixera
que Dylan me quixera
06:51
if he could do something
as horrible as he did.
as horrible as he did.
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se puidera facer algo
tan horrible coma o que fixera.
tan horrible coma o que fixera.
06:55
Later, when she found me alone,
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Máis tarde, cando me atopou soa,
06:57
she apologized for overhearing
that conversation,
that conversation,
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desculpouse por escoitar a conversa,
07:00
but told me that I was wrong.
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pero díxome que estaba enganada.
07:02
She said that when she was
a young, single mother
a young, single mother
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Contoume que cando era unha
nai nova e solteira
nai nova e solteira
07:05
with three small children,
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con tres fillos pequenos,
07:07
she became severely depressed
and was hospitalized to keep her safe.
and was hospitalized to keep her safe.
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tivera depresión e fora hospitalizada
pola súa propia seguridade.
pola súa propia seguridade.
07:13
At the time, she was certain
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Naquel momento, ela estaba segura
07:15
that her children
would be better off if she died,
would be better off if she died,
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de que os seus fillos estarían mellor
se ela morrese,
se ela morrese,
07:18
so she had made a plan to end her life.
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así que decidira acabar coa súa vida.
07:21
She assured me that a mother's love
was the strongest bond on Earth,
was the strongest bond on Earth,
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Aseguroume que o amor dunha nai
é o vínculo máis forte que hai na Terra
é o vínculo máis forte que hai na Terra
07:25
and that she loved her children
more than anything in the world,
more than anything in the world,
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e que lles quería aos seus fillos
máis que a nada no mundo,
máis que a nada no mundo,
07:29
but because of her illness,
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pero debido á súa enfermidade,
07:31
she was sure that they
would be better off without her.
would be better off without her.
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estaba segura de que estarían
mellor sen ela.
mellor sen ela.
07:36
What she said and what
I've learned from others
I've learned from others
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O que me contou e o que aprendín
doutros
doutros
07:39
is that we do not make
the so-called decision or choice
the so-called decision or choice
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é que non tomamos a decisión ou elección
07:43
to die by suicide
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de suicidarnos
07:45
in the same way
that we choose what car to drive
that we choose what car to drive
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do mesmo xeito que escollemos
qué coche conducimos
qué coche conducimos
07:48
or where to go on a Saturday night.
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ou a onde ir un sábado á noite.
07:51
When someone is
in an extremely suicidal state,
in an extremely suicidal state,
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Cando alguén se encontra
nun estado suicida extremo,
nun estado suicida extremo,
07:54
they are in a stage four
medical health emergency.
medical health emergency.
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trátase dunha emerxencia médica.
07:59
Their thinking is impaired and they've
lost access to tools of self-governance.
lost access to tools of self-governance.
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A súa forma de pensar vese alterada
e perde os mecanismos de autocontrol.
e perde os mecanismos de autocontrol.
08:05
Even though they can
make a plan and act with logic,
make a plan and act with logic,
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Aínda que poden facer un plan
e actuar con lóxica,
e actuar con lóxica,
08:08
their sense of truth
is distorted by a filter of pain
is distorted by a filter of pain
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a súa percepción
vese distorsionada por un filtro de dor
vese distorsionada por un filtro de dor
08:12
through which they
interpret their reality.
interpret their reality.
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a través do cal interpretan
a súa realidade.
a súa realidade.
08:15
Some people can be very good
at hiding this state,
at hiding this state,
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A algunhas persoas dáselles moi ben
esconder este estado,
esconder este estado,
08:19
and they often have
good reasons for doing that.
good reasons for doing that.
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e a miúdo teñen bos motivos para facelo.
08:23
Many of us have
suicidal thoughts at some point,
suicidal thoughts at some point,
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Moitos de nós temos pensamentos suicidas
nun momento ou noutro,
nun momento ou noutro,
08:27
but persistent,
ongoing thoughts of suicide
ongoing thoughts of suicide
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pero os pensamentos suicidas persistentes,
08:30
and devising a means to die
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e planear a propia morte
08:32
are symptoms of pathology,
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son síntomas dunha patoloxía,
08:35
and like many illnesses,
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e como moitas enfermidades,
08:37
the condition has to be
recognized and treated
recognized and treated
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o problema debe ser recoñecido e tratado
08:40
before a life is lost.
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antes de que se perda unha vida.
08:43
But my son's death
was not purely a suicide.
was not purely a suicide.
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Mais a morte do meu fillo
non foi só un suicidio.
non foi só un suicidio.
08:47
It involved mass murder.
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Foi un asasinato masivo.
08:50
I wanted to know how his
suicidal thinking became homicidal.
suicidal thinking became homicidal.
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Eu buscaba comprender como o seu
pensamento suicida se volveu homicida.
pensamento suicida se volveu homicida.
08:56
But research is sparse
and there are no simple answers.
and there are no simple answers.
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Pero hai poucas investigacións
e non hai respostas sinxelas.
e non hai respostas sinxelas.
09:01
Yes, he probably had ongoing depression.
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Si, seguro que tiña depresión.
09:05
He had a personality
that was perfectionistic and self-reliant,
that was perfectionistic and self-reliant,
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A súa personalidade era
perfeccionista e autosuficiente,
perfeccionista e autosuficiente,
09:12
and that made him less likely
to seek help from others.
to seek help from others.
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e iso facía que non acostumase
a pedir axuda a outra xente.
a pedir axuda a outra xente.
09:16
He had experienced
triggering events at the school
triggering events at the school
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No colexio sufriu experiencias traumáticas
09:20
that left him feeling
debased and humiliated and mad.
debased and humiliated and mad.
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que lle fixeron sentirse insignificante,
humillado e enfadado.
humillado e enfadado.
09:27
And he had a complicated friendship
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E tiña unha amizade complicada
09:30
with a boy who shared his feelings
of rage and alienation,
of rage and alienation,
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cun rapaz que compartía
os seus sentimentos de rabia e alienación,
os seus sentimentos de rabia e alienación,
09:34
and who was seriously disturbed,
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e que estaba moi perturbado,
era controlador
era controlador
09:37
controlling and homicidal.
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e tiña instinto homicida.
09:41
And on top of this period in his life
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E por riba de todo isto
09:44
of extreme vulnerability and fragility,
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neste período de vulnerabilidade
e fraxilidade
e fraxilidade
09:48
Dylan found access to guns
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Dylan tivo acceso a armas de fogo,
09:50
even though we'd never
owned any in our home.
owned any in our home.
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aínda que nunca tiveramos unha na casa.
09:53
It was appallingly easy
for a 17-year-old boy to buy guns,
for a 17-year-old boy to buy guns,
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Foi moi fácil para un rapaz de 17 anos
comprar armas,
comprar armas,
09:59
both legally and illegally,
without my permission or knowledge.
without my permission or knowledge.
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tanto legal como ilegalmente,
sen que eu o soubera ou lle dera permiso.
sen que eu o soubera ou lle dera permiso.
10:04
And somehow, 17 years
and many school shootings later,
and many school shootings later,
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E por algunha razón, 17 anos
e moitos tiroteos en escolas despois,
e moitos tiroteos en escolas despois,
10:10
it's still appallingly easy.
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aínda é espantosamente fácil.
10:14
What Dylan did that day broke my heart,
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O que Dylan fixo ese día
rompeume o corazón,
rompeume o corazón,
10:18
and as trauma so often does,
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e como pasa co trauma a miúdo,
10:20
it took a toll on my body and on my mind.
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causou estragos no meu corpo
e na miña mente
e na miña mente
10:24
Two years after the shootings,
I got breast cancer,
I got breast cancer,
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Dous anos despois do tiroteo,
tiven cáncer de mama,
tiven cáncer de mama,
10:28
and two years after that,
I began to have mental health problems.
I began to have mental health problems.
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e dous anos despois diso,
comecei a ter problemas mentais.
comecei a ter problemas mentais.
10:33
On top of the constant, perpetual grief
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Ademais da tristeza constante
10:36
I was terrified that I would run
into a family member
into a family member
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aterrábame atoparme con algún familiar
10:40
of someone Dylan had killed,
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de alguén que Dylan matara,
10:42
or be accosted by the press
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ou que me abordase a prensa
10:45
or by an angry citizen.
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ou algún cidadán anoxado.
10:47
I was afraid to turn on the news,
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Tiña medo de poñer as noticias,
10:50
afraid to hear myself being called
a terrible parent or a disgusting person.
a terrible parent or a disgusting person.
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medo de que dixeran que era
unha mala nai ou unha persoa noxenta.
unha mala nai ou unha persoa noxenta.
10:58
I started having panic attacks.
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Comecei a sufrir ataques de pánico.
11:02
The first bout started
four years after the shootings,
four years after the shootings,
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A primeira vez foi catro anos
despois do tiroteo,
despois do tiroteo,
11:06
when I was getting ready
for the depositions
for the depositions
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cando me estaba preparando para testificar
11:09
and would have to meet
the victims' families face to face.
the victims' families face to face.
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e ía ter que ver ás familias
das vítimas cara a cara.
das vítimas cara a cara.
11:12
The second round started
six years after the shootings,
six years after the shootings,
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A segunda vez comezou seis anos
despois do tiroteo,
despois do tiroteo,
11:16
when I was preparing
to speak publicly about murder-suicide
to speak publicly about murder-suicide
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cando me estaba preparando para falar
en público sobre o suicidio
en público sobre o suicidio
11:19
for the first time at a conference.
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por primeira vez, nunha conferencia.
11:22
Both episodes lasted several weeks.
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Ambos episodios duraron varias semanas.
11:27
The attacks happened everywhere:
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Os ataques dábanme en calquera lugar:
11:29
in the hardware store, in my office,
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na ferraxería, na oficina,
11:32
or even while reading a book in bed.
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ou incluso cando estaba na cama lendo.
11:35
My mind would suddenly lock
into this spinning cycle of terror
into this spinning cycle of terror
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A miña mente bloqueábase
nun círculo de terror
nun círculo de terror
11:40
and no matter how I hard I tried
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e por moito que intentase calmarme
11:42
to calm myself down
or reason my way out of it,
or reason my way out of it,
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ou razoar o que me pasaba,
11:46
I couldn't do it.
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non o conseguía.
11:49
It felt as if my brain
was trying to kill me,
was trying to kill me,
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2560
Era coma se o meu cerebro
estivese intentando matarme,
estivese intentando matarme,
11:52
and then, being afraid of being afraid
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e naquel momento, ter medo de ter medo
11:55
consumed all of my thoughts.
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consumía todos os meus pensamentos.
11:58
That's when I learned firsthand
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Daquela aprendín de primeira man
12:00
what it feels like
to have a malfunctioning mind,
to have a malfunctioning mind,
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o que se sente cando a mente
non che funciona ben
non che funciona ben
12:03
and that's when I truly
became a brain health advocate.
became a brain health advocate.
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e foi cando me convertín nunha verdadeira
defensora da saúde cerebral.
defensora da saúde cerebral.
12:08
With therapy and medication and self-care,
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Con terapia, medicación e autocoidados,
12:11
life eventually returned
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co tempo a vida volveu
12:13
to whatever could be thought of
as normal under the circumstances.
as normal under the circumstances.
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3480
ao que podería considerase normal
nestas circunstancias.
nestas circunstancias.
12:18
When I looked back
on all that had happened,
on all that had happened,
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Cando volvín a vista atrás
12:20
I could see that my son's
spiral into dysfunction
spiral into dysfunction
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puiden ver que a espiral disfuncional
na que caeu o meu fillo
na que caeu o meu fillo
12:24
probably occurred
over a period of about two years,
over a period of about two years,
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probablemente lle ocorrera ao longo
dun período de dous anos,
dun período de dous anos,
12:28
plenty of time to get him help,
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tempo abondo para conseguirlle axuda,
12:31
if only someone had known
that he needed help
that he needed help
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se alguén se dera conta de que a precisaba
12:34
and known what to do.
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e soubera qué facer.
12:40
Every time someone asks me,
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Cada vez que alguén me pregunta,
12:43
"How could you not have known?",
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"Como é que non o sabías?",
12:45
it feels like a punch in the gut.
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síntome coma se me pegasen no estómago.
12:48
It carries accusation
and taps into my feelings of guilt
and taps into my feelings of guilt
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Parece unha acusación,
e cáusame un sentimento de culpa
e cáusame un sentimento de culpa
12:53
that no matter how much therapy I've had
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que, a pesar de toda a terapia que fixen,
12:55
I will never fully eradicate.
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nunca se borra de todo.
12:58
But here's something I've learned:
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Mais hai algo que aprendín:
13:01
if love were enough
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se o amor abondara
13:03
to stop someone who is suicidal
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para evitar que as persoas suicidas
13:05
from hurting themselves,
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se fixesen dano,
13:08
suicides would hardly ever happen.
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os suicidios nunca ocorrerían.
13:11
But love is not enough,
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Pero o amor non basta,
13:14
and suicide is prevalent.
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e o suicidio é frecuente.
13:16
It's the second leading cause of death
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É a segunda causa de morte
13:19
for people age 10 to 34,
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na xente de entre 10 e 34 anos,
13:22
and 15 percent of American youth
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e o 15 % da mocidade estadounidense
13:25
report having made a suicide plan
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di que planeou o seu suicidio
13:28
in the last year.
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no último ano.
13:31
I've learned that no matter
how much we want to believe we can,
how much we want to believe we can,
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Aprendín que por moito
que queiramos crer o contrario
que queiramos crer o contrario
13:36
we cannot know or control
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non podemos saber ou controlar
13:38
everything our loved ones think and feel,
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o que senten os nosos seres queridos,
13:41
and the stubborn belief
that we are somehow different,
that we are somehow different,
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e a crenza teimuda de que somos distintos,
13:45
that someone we love
would never think of hurting themselves
would never think of hurting themselves
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de que alguén que nós queremos
nunca pensaría en facerse dano
nunca pensaría en facerse dano
13:49
or someone else,
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ou facerllo a outra persoa,
13:51
can cause us to miss
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pode provocar que non vexamos
13:53
what's hidden in plain sight.
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o que está escondido a simple vista.
13:56
And if worst case scenarios
do come to pass,
do come to pass,
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E se a peor das posibilidades sucede,
14:01
we'll have to learn
to forgive ourselves for not knowing
to forgive ourselves for not knowing
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temos que aprender a perdoarnos
por non saber
por non saber
14:05
or for not asking the right questions
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ou por non facer as preguntas correctas
14:08
or not finding the right treatment.
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ou por non atopar o tratamento adecuado.
14:12
We should always assume
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Sempre debemos asumir
14:13
that someone we love may be suffering,
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que alguén que queremos
pode estar sufrindo,
pode estar sufrindo,
14:16
regardless of what they say
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a pesar do que diga
14:19
or how they act.
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ou de como actúe.
14:21
We should listen with our whole being,
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Debemos escoitar con todo o noso ser,
14:24
without judgments,
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sen xulgar,
14:26
and without offering solutions.
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e sen ofrecer solucións.
14:32
I know that I will live with this tragedy,
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Sei que vivirei con esta traxedia,
14:35
with these multiple tragedies,
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con estas traxedias múltiples,
14:37
for the rest of my life.
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durante o resto da miña vida.
14:40
I know that in the minds of many,
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Sei que para moitos,
14:46
what I lost can't compare
to what the other families lost.
to what the other families lost.
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o que eu perdín non se pode comparar
co que perderon o resto das familias.
co que perderon o resto das familias.
14:51
I know my struggle
doesn't make theirs any easier.
doesn't make theirs any easier.
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Sei que o meu sufrimento
non fai o deles máis sinxelo.
non fai o deles máis sinxelo.
14:56
I know there are even some who think
I don't have the right to any pain,
I don't have the right to any pain,
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Sei que hai incluso xente que pensa
que non teño dereito a sufrir,
que non teño dereito a sufrir,
15:01
but only to a life of permanent penance.
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só a unha vida de penitencia permanente.
15:06
In the end what I know comes down to this:
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Ó final, o que sei resúmese nisto:
15:10
the tragic fact is that even
the most vigilant and responsible of us
the most vigilant and responsible of us
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a tráxica realidade é que incluso
os máis responsables e atentos de nós
os máis responsables e atentos de nós
15:16
may not be able to help,
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podemos non ser capaces de axudar,
15:19
but for love's sake,
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pero en nome do amor,
15:22
we must never stop trying
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non debemos deixar de intentar
15:24
to know the unknowable.
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saber o que non se pode saber.
15:26
Thank you.
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Grazas.
(Aplausos)
15:27
(Applause)
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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Sue Klebold - ActivistSue Klebold has become a passionate agent working to advance mental health awareness and intervention.
Why you should listen
Sue Klebold is the mother of Dylan Klebold, one of the two shooters at Columbine High School in 1999. Since the massacre, Sue has spent years excavating every detail of her family life, and trying to understand what she could have done to prevent it. In 2016, after years of evading public scrutiny, Klebold published A Mother's Reckoning: Living In the Aftermath of Tragedy, a powerful memoir in which she explores the crucial intersection between mental health and violence. As a passionate advocate for brain health awareness and intervention, she is donating any profits from the book to mental health charities, research and suicide prevention, hoping for solutions that will help parents and professionals spot and thwart signs of trouble.
Sue Klebold | Speaker | TED.com