TEDxSummit
Maz Jobrani: A Saudi, an Indian and an Iranian walk into a Qatari bar ...
Maz Jobrani: Saudijac, Indijac i Iranac uđu u bar u Kataru...
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Iransko-američki komičar Maz Jobrani dolazi na pozornicu TEDx Summita u Dohi u Kataru kako bi govorio o ozbiljnim problemima na Bliskom istoku – primjerice, koliko poljubaca dati nekome prilikom pozdravljanja i što ne govoriti u američkom zrakoplovu.
Maz Jobrani - Comedian
A founding member of the Axis of Evil Comedy Tour, Iranian-American comedian Maz Jobrani is now touring with his second solo comedy show, Browner and Friendlier. Full bio
A founding member of the Axis of Evil Comedy Tour, Iranian-American comedian Maz Jobrani is now touring with his second solo comedy show, Browner and Friendlier. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:16
Hello, Doha. Hello. Salaam alaikum.
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Zdravo, Doha. Zdravo. Selam alejkum.
00:22
I love coming to Doha. It's such an international place.
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Volim doći u Dohu. To je tako međunarodno mjesto.
00:26
This is like -- it feels like the United Nations just here.
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Osjećam se kao da su ovdje Ujedinjeni narodi.
00:30
You land at the airport, and you're welcomed by an Indian lady
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Sletite u zračnu luku i dočeka vas Indijka
00:32
who takes you to Al Maha Services, where you meet a Filipino lady
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koja vas odvede do servisa Al Maha,
gdje vas dočeka Filipinka
gdje vas dočeka Filipinka
00:37
who hands you off to a South African lady
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koja vas usmjeri Južnoafrikanki
00:39
who then takes you to a Korean who takes you to
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koja vas nakon toga odvede
do Korejca, koji vas odvede do
do Korejca, koji vas odvede do
00:41
a Pakistani guy with the luggage
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Pakistanca s prtljagom,
00:44
who takes you to the car with a Sri Lankan.
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koji vas odvede do automobila
u kojem je Šrilančanin.
u kojem je Šrilančanin.
00:45
You go to the hotel and you check in. There's a Lebanese.
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Odete do hotela i prijavite se; tu je Libanonac.
00:48
Yeah? And then a Swedish guy showed me my room.
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Je li tako? A zatim mi je Šveđanin pokazao sobu.
00:52
I said, "Where are the Qataris?" (Laughter)
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Pitao sam: „A gdje su Katarci?“ (Smijeh)
00:55
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
00:58
They said, "No, no, it's too hot. They come out later. They're smart."
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Rekli su mi: „Ne, ne, prevruće je.
Oni izlaze kasnije. Pametni su.“
Oni izlaze kasnije. Pametni su.“
01:01
(Laughter) "They know."
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(Smijeh) „Oni znaju."
01:05
And of course it's growing so fast, sometimes there's growing pains.
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I, naravno, sve toliko brzo raste
pa ponekad bude problema tijekom tog rasta.
pa ponekad bude problema tijekom tog rasta.
01:08
You know, like sometimes you run into people that you think
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Znate, ponekad naletite na ljude za koje mislite
01:11
know the city well, but they don't know it that well.
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da dobro poznaju grad,
ali ipak ga ne poznaju toliko dobro.
ali ipak ga ne poznaju toliko dobro.
01:14
My Indian cab driver showed up at the W,
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Pred hotelom W dočekao me taksist Indijac.
01:16
and I asked him to take me to the Sheraton,
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Zamolio sam ga da me odveze do Sheratona,
01:19
and he said, "No problem, sir."
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a on je rekao: „Nema problema, gospodine.“
01:21
And then we sat there for two minutes.
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I onda smo tako sjedili dvije minute u autu.
01:24
I said, "What's wrong?"He said, "One problem, sir."
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Pitao sam što se događa.
Rekao je: „Jedan problem, gospodine.“
Rekao je: „Jedan problem, gospodine.“
01:27
I said, "What?" He goes, "Where is it?"
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Kažem: „Koji?“, a on će: „Gdje je to?“
01:28
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
01:31
I go, "You're the driver, you should know."He goes, "No, I just arrived, sir."
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Ja kažem: „Ti si vozač, ti bi trebao znati.“
A on će na to: „Ne, tek sam stigao, gospodine.“
A on će na to: „Ne, tek sam stigao, gospodine.“
01:36
I go, "You just arrived at the W?""No, I just arrived in Doha, sir.
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Kažem: „Tek ste stigli pred hotel?“
„Ne, tek sam stigao u Dohu, gospodine.
„Ne, tek sam stigao u Dohu, gospodine.
01:40
I was on my way home from the airport. I got a job.
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Išao sam od zračne luke
prema stanu, dobio sam posao
prema stanu, dobio sam posao
01:42
I'm working already."
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i već radim.“
01:45
He goes, "Sir, why don't you drive?"
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Nastavlja: „Gospodine, zašto ne biste vi vozili?“
01:48
I go, "I don't know where we're going."
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A ja kažem: „Ne znam kamo idemo.“
01:50
"Neither do I. It will be an adventure, sir."
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„Ne znam ni ja. Bit će to pustolovina, gospodine.“
01:55
It is an adventure. The Middle East has been an adventure the past couple years.
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To je pustolovina. Bliski istok je prava pustolovina
posljednjih nekoliko godina.
posljednjih nekoliko godina.
01:58
The Middle East is going crazy with the Arab Spring
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Bliski istok je poludio s arapskim proljećem,
02:01
and revolution and all this. Are there any Lebanese here tonight?
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revolucijama i svim tim stvarima.
Ima li večeras ovdje Libanonaca?
Ima li večeras ovdje Libanonaca?
02:03
Any Lebanese by applause? (Applause) Lebanese.
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Bi li Libanonci zapljeskali? (Pljesak) Libanonci.
02:05
Yeah. The Middle East is going crazy.
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Da, Bliski istok je poludio.
02:08
You know the Middle East is going crazy
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Znate da je Bliski istok poludio
02:10
when Lebanon is the most peaceful place in the region.
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kad je Libanon najmirnije mjesto u regiji.
02:12
(Laughter) (Applause)
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(Smijeh) (Pljesak)
02:15
Who would have thought? Oh my gosh.
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Tko bi se tome nadao?
02:20
No. There's serious issues in the region.
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Ali u regiji ima ozbiljnih problema.
02:22
Some people don't want to talk about them. I'm here to talk about them tonight.
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Neki ljudi ne žele razgovarati o njima.
Ja sam večeras ovdje kako bih govorio o njima.
Ja sam večeras ovdje kako bih govorio o njima.
02:26
Ladies and gentlemen of the Middle East,
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Dame i gospodo Bliskog istoka,
02:28
here's a serious issue. When we see each other,
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evo ozbiljnog problema: kad se vidimo
02:29
when we say hello, how many kisses are we going to do?
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i pozdravimo, koliko ćemo si poljubaca dati?
02:35
Every country is different and it's confusing, okay?
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U svakoj je zemlji drugačije i to zbunjuje, OK?
02:37
In Lebanon, they do three. In Egypt, they do two.
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U Libanonu su tri. U Egiptu dva.
02:41
I was in Lebanon, I got used to three.
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Bio sam u Libanonu i navikao sam na tri.
02:43
I went to Egypt. I went to say hello to this one Egyptian guy,
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Otišao sam u Egipat i krenuo
pozdraviti jednog Egipćanina.
pozdraviti jednog Egipćanina.
02:46
I went, one, two. I went for three. He wasn't into it.
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Jedan, dva, krenem na treći. On baš i nije bio za to.
02:50
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
02:54
I told him, I said, "No, no, no, I was just in Lebanon."
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Kažem mu: „Ne, ne, ne,
nedavno sam bio u Libanonu.“
nedavno sam bio u Libanonu.“
02:57
He goes, "I don't care where you were. You just stay where you are, please. Just stay where you are."
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A on će: „Nije me briga gdje si bio. Samo ostani
tu gdje jesi, molim te. Ostani tu gdje jesi.“
tu gdje jesi, molim te. Ostani tu gdje jesi.“
03:04
I went to Saudi Arabia. In Saudi Arabia, they go one, two,
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Bio sam i u Saudijskoj Arabiji. Ondje idu jedan, dva,
03:07
and then they stay on the same side -- three, four, five, six,
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onda ostanu na istoj strani – tri, četiri, pet, šest,
03:10
seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18.
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sedam, osam, devet, deset,
11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18.
11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18.
03:14
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
03:18
Next time you see a Saudi, look closely. They're just a little bit tilted.
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Sljedeći put kad vidite Saudijca, dobro pogledajte.
Glava im je malo nagnuta u stranu.
Glava im je malo nagnuta u stranu.
03:23
"Abdul, are you okay?""Yeah, I was saying hello for half an hour.
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,,Abdul, jesi li dobro?“
„Ma jesam, pozdravljao sam se pola sata.
„Ma jesam, pozdravljao sam se pola sata.
03:24
I'm going to be all right."
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Bit ću dobro.“
03:28
Qataris, you guys do the nose to nose.
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Katarci, vi radite ono s nosovima.
03:32
Why is that? Are you too tired to go all the way around?
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Zašto? Jeste li preumorni da biste išli
s jedne strane na drugu?
s jedne strane na drugu?
03:36
"Habibi, it's so hot. Just come here for a second. Say hello.
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„Habibi, tako je vruće. Dođi
na sekundu da se pozdravimo.“
na sekundu da se pozdravimo.“
03:39
Hello, Habibi. Just don't move. Just stay there please.
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,,Zdravo, Habibi. Nemoj se micati. Tu budi, molim te.
03:41
I need to rest."
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Moram se odmoriti.“
03:45
Every country — Iranians, sometimes we do two, sometimes we do three.
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Svaka zemlja – Iranci, mi
ponekad imamo dva, ponekad tri.
ponekad imamo dva, ponekad tri.
03:48
A friend of mine explained to me, before the '79 revolution,
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Prijatelj mi je objasnio da su
prije revolucije 1979. godine
prije revolucije 1979. godine
03:51
it was two. After the revolution, three.
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bila dva. Nakon revolucije tri.
03:55
So with Iranians, you can tell whose side the person is on
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Kod Iranaca, dakle, možete znati
na čijoj je netko strani
na čijoj je netko strani
03:58
based on the number of kisses they give you.
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prema broju poljubaca koje vam daje.
04:00
Yeah, if you go one, two, three -- "I can't believe you support this regime
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Ako vi krenete jedan, dva, tri –
„Ne mogu vjerovati da podržavaš ovaj režim
„Ne mogu vjerovati da podržavaš ovaj režim
04:04
with your three kisses."
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s ta tvoja tri poljupca.“
04:09
But no, guys, really, it is exciting to be here,
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Ne, ljudi, stvarno, uzbudljivo je biti ovdje,
04:12
and like I said, you guys are doing a lot culturally,
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i kao što sam rekao,
mnogo ste toga učinili kulturološki
mnogo ste toga učinili kulturološki
04:15
you know, and it's amazing, and it helps change the image
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i to je stvarno divno i pomaže promijeniti sliku
04:17
of the Middle East in the West. Like a lot of Americans
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Bliskog istoka na Zapadu. Mnogo Amerikanaca
04:20
don't know a lot about us, about the Middle East.
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ne zna mnogo o nama, o Bliskom istoku.
04:23
I'm Iranian and American. I'm there. I know, I've traveled here.
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Ja sam Iranac i Amerikanac.
Živim ondje, putovao sam ovamo.
Živim ondje, putovao sam ovamo.
04:26
There's so much, we laugh, right?
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Ima toga puno. Mi se smijemo, zar ne?
04:28
People don't know we laugh. When I did the Axis of Evil comedy tour,
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Ljudi ne znaju da se smijemo. Kad sam bio
na komičarskoj turneji Osovina zla,
na komičarskoj turneji Osovina zla,
04:31
it came out on Comedy Central, I went online
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emitirala se na Comedy Centralu i otišao sam online
04:33
to see what people were saying about it. I ended up on a conservative website.
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vidjeti što ljudi komentiraju na to. Završio sam
na konzervativnoj internetskoj stranici.
na konzervativnoj internetskoj stranici.
04:36
One guy wrote another guy. He said, "I never knew these people laughed."
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Jedan tip odgovara drugom tipu:
„Nisam znao da se ti ljudi smiju.“
„Nisam znao da se ti ljudi smiju.“
04:40
Think about it. You never see us laughing in American film or television, right?
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Razmislite o tome. U američkim filmovima
i na TV-u nikad se ne vidi da se smijemo, zar ne?
i na TV-u nikad se ne vidi da se smijemo, zar ne?
04:44
Maybe like an evil -- like, "Wuhahaha, wuhahaha. (Laughter)
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Možda kao da smo zli – nešto kao:
„Wuhahaha, wuhahaha. (Smijeh)
„Wuhahaha, wuhahaha. (Smijeh)
04:48
I will kill you in the name of Allah, wuhahahahaha."
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Ubit ću vas u ime Alaha, wuhahahaha.“
04:52
But never like, "ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha."
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Ali nikad kao „ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.“
04:56
We like to laugh. We like to celebrate life.
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Volimo se smijati, volimo slaviti život.
04:59
And I wish more Americans would travel here. I always encourage my friends:
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I volio bih kad bi više Amerikanaca
putovalo ovamo. Uvijek sam poticao prijatelje:
putovalo ovamo. Uvijek sam poticao prijatelje:
05:02
Travel, see the Middle East, there's so much to see, so many good people.
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„Putujte, pogledajte Bliski istok; ondje ima
toliko toga za vidjeti, toliko dobrih ljudi.“
toliko toga za vidjeti, toliko dobrih ljudi.“
05:04
And it's vice versa, and it helps stop problems
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To ide i u obrnutom smjeru, pomaže
05:08
of misunderstanding and stereotypes from happening.
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da uopće ne dođe do problema
pogrešnog razumijevanja i stereotipa.
pogrešnog razumijevanja i stereotipa.
05:11
For example, I don't know if you heard about this,
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Na primjer, ne znam jeste li čuli,
05:13
a little while ago in the U.S. there was a Muslim family
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nedavno je u SAD-u muslimanska obitelj
05:16
walking down the aisle of an airplane
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hodala prolazom u zrakoplovu
05:18
talking about the safest place to sit on the plane.
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razgovarajući o najsigurnijem
mjestu za sjesti u avionu.
mjestu za sjesti u avionu.
05:21
Some passengers overheard them, somehow misconstrued
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Čuli su ih neki putnici, pogrešno zaključili
05:23
that as terrorist talk, got them kicked off the plane.
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da se radi o terorističkom razgovoru
i tražili su da ih se izbaci iz aviona.
i tražili su da ih se izbaci iz aviona.
05:27
It was a family, a mother, father, child, walking down the aisle,
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To je bila obitelj: majka, otac i dijete.
Hodali su zrakoplovom
Hodali su zrakoplovom
05:30
talking about the seating. Now as a Middle Eastern male,
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i razgovarali o sjedenju.
Kao muškarac s Bliskog istoka,
Kao muškarac s Bliskog istoka,
05:32
I know there's certain things I'm not supposed to say
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znam da postoje određene stvari koje ne smijem reći
05:34
on an airplane in the U.S., right?
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u zrakoplovu u SAD-u, zar ne?
05:37
I'm not supposed to be, like, walking down the aisle,
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Ne smijem, recimo, hodati prolazom između sjedala
05:38
and be like, "Hi, Jack." You know, that's not cool.
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i reći: „Hej, Jack!“ Znate, to nije cool.
05:42
Even if I'm there with my friend named Jack, I say,
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Čak i ako sam sa svojim prijateljem
koji se zove Jack, kažem:
koji se zove Jack, kažem:
05:44
"Greetings, Jack. Salutations, Jack."
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,,Zdravo, Jack! Pozdrav, Jack!“
05:47
Never "Hi, Jack."
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Nikada „Hej, Jack!“ (hijack - otmica)
05:49
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
05:52
But now apparently we can't even talk about
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No sada, očito, više ne smijemo razgovarati
05:53
the safest place to sit on an airplane.
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ni o najsigurnijem mjestu u zrakoplovu.
05:56
So my advice to all my Middle Eastern friends and Muslim friends
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Dakle, moj je savjet svim prijateljima
s Bliskog istoka, prijateljima muslimanima
s Bliskog istoka, prijateljima muslimanima
05:59
and anyone who looks Middle Eastern or Muslim,
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i svima koji izgledaju kao da su
s Bliskog istoka ili da su muslimani,
s Bliskog istoka ili da su muslimani,
06:00
so to, you know, Indians, and Latinos, everyone,
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znate: Indijci, Latinosi, svi,
06:04
if you're brown --
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ako ste tamnoputi –
06:07
here's my advice to my brown friends.
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evo mog savjeta tamnoputim prijateljima.
06:10
The next time you're on an airplane in the U.S.,
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Sljedeći put kad se nađete u zrakoplovu u SAD-u,
06:13
just speak your mother tongue.
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samo govorite materinskim jezikom.
06:14
That way no one knows what you're saying. Life goes on.
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Na taj način nitko ne zna
što govorite. Život ide dalje.
što govorite. Život ide dalje.
06:18
Granted, some mother tongues might sound
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Doduše, neki materinski jezici mogu
06:20
a little threatening to the average American, right?
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prosječnom Amerikancu
zvučati pomalo prijeteće, zar ne?
zvučati pomalo prijeteće, zar ne?
06:22
If you're walking down the aisle speaking Arabic,
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Ako hodate prolazom u avionu govoreći arapski,
06:24
you might freak them out, if you're walking, "[Arabic],"
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mogli biste ih izbezumiti, ako hodate i [arapski],
06:28
they might say, "What's he talking about?"
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mogli bi reći: „O čemu to govori?“
06:30
So the key, to my Arab brothers and sisters,
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Dakle, ključ je za vas, moja arapska braćo i sestre,
06:32
you gotta throw in random good words to put people at ease
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tu i tamo ubaciti par dobrih riječi
kako biste umirili ljude
kako biste umirili ljude
06:35
as you're walking down the aisle.
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dok hodate prolazom u avionu.
06:36
Just as you're walking down: "[Imitating Arabic] --
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Znači dok hodate: „[Imitira arapski] –
06:39
strawberry!"
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jagoda!“
06:40
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
06:47
"[Imitating Arabic] -- rainbow!"
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„[Imitira arapski] – duga!“
06:52
"[Imitating Arabic] -- Tutti Frutti!"
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„[Imitira arapski] – Tutti Frutti!“
06:55
"I think he's going to hijack the plane with some ice cream."
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„Mislim da će oteti zrakoplov pomoću sladoleda!“
06:59
Thank you very much. Have a good night.
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Hvala vam svima! Ugodnu večer želim!
07:00
Thank you, TED. (Cheers) (Applause)
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Hvala, TED! (Zvižduci) (Pljesak)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Maz Jobrani - ComedianA founding member of the Axis of Evil Comedy Tour, Iranian-American comedian Maz Jobrani is now touring with his second solo comedy show, Browner and Friendlier.
Why you should listen
Maz Jobrani is an actor and comedian who starred on the Axis of Evil Middle East Comedy Tour, a groundbreaking tour of the US and Middle Eastern countries, where it sold out 27 shows in Dubai, Beirut, Cairo, Kuwait and Amman. The Axis of Evil Comedy Central Special premiered in 2007 as, arguably, the first show on American TV with an all-Middle Eastern/American cast. In 2009 Jobrani performed in his first solo world tour, called Maz Jobrani: Brown and Friendly, and is currently following up this tour with a second, titled Browner and Friendlier.
Jobrani's comedy pulls from his background as an Iran-born kid raised in Northern California. He pokes fun at cultural stereotypes of all kinds -- starting with the stereotype that Middle Eastern actors can only play a few kinds of roles in Hollywood. He's been working to develop rich characters in a variety of TV shows and films. His next project: Jimmy Vestvood: Amerikan Hero, described as a cross between a Middle Eastern Pink Panther and Bend It Like Beckham.
Maz Jobrani | Speaker | TED.com