ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Andrew Solomon - Writer
Andrew Solomon writes about politics, culture and psychology.

Why you should listen

Andrew Solomon is a writer, lecturer and Professor of Clinical Psychology at Columbia University. He is president of PEN American Center. He writes regularly for The New Yorker and the New York Times.

Solomon's newest book, Far and Away: Reporting from the Brink of Change, Seven Continents, Twenty-Five Years was published in April, 2016. His previous book, Far From the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity won the National Book Critics Circle award for nonfiction, the Wellcome Prize and 22 other national awards. It tells the stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children but also find profound meaning in doing so. It was a New York Times bestseller in both hardcover and paperback editions. Solomon's previous book, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, won the 2001 National Book Award for Nonfiction, was a finalist for the 2002 Pulitzer Prize and was included in The Times of London's list of one hundred best books of the decade. It has been published in twenty-four languages. Solomon is also the author of the novel A Stone Boat and of The Irony Tower: Soviet Artists in a Time of Glasnost.

Solomon is an activist in LGBT rights, mental health, education and the arts. He is a member of the boards of directors of the National LGBTQ Force and Trans Youth Family Allies. He is a member of the Board of Visitors of Columbia University Medical Center, serves on the National Advisory Board of the Depression Center at the University of Michigan, is a director of Columbia Psychiatry and is a member of the Advisory Board of the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. Solomon also serves on the boards of the Metropolitan Museum of Art, Yaddo and The Alex Fund, which supports the education of Romani children. He is also a fellow of Berkeley College at Yale University and a member of the New York Institute for the Humanities and the Council on Foreign Relations.

Solomon lives with his husband and son in New York and London and is a dual national. He also has a daughter with a college friend; mother and daughter live in Texas but visit often.


More profile about the speaker
Andrew Solomon | Speaker | TED.com
TEDMED 2013

Andrew Solomon: Love, no matter what

Andrew Solomon: Ljubav, bez obzira na sve

Filmed:
4,969,430 views

Kako je odgajati dijete koje se od vas razlikuje na neki temeljni način (kao primjerice čudo od djeteta, dijete s drugačijim sposobnostima ili kriminalca)? U ovom dirljivom govoru, pisac Andrew Solomon dijeli svoje spoznaje iz razgovora s desecima roditelja koje je pitao: "Koja je granica između bezuvjetne ljubavi i bezuvjetnog prihvaćanja?"
- Writer
Andrew Solomon writes about politics, culture and psychology. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

"Čak i u potpuno nereligioznom kontekstu,
00:12
"Even in purelypotpuno non-religiousNe-vjerske termsUvjeti,
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00:16
homosexualityhomoseksualnost representspredstavlja a misusezlouporabe of the sexualseksualan facultyfakultet.
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homoseksualnost predstavlja zlouporabu
seksualnih mogućnosti.
00:22
It is a patheticpatetičan little second-ratedrugorazredni substitutezamjena for realitystvarnost --
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Ona je jadna, drugorazredna
zamjena za stvarnost --
00:27
a pitiableJadna. flightlet from life.
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jadan bijeg od života.
00:29
As suchtakav, it deserveszaslužuje no compassionsamilost,
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Kao takva ne zaslužuje suosjećanje,
00:33
it deserveszaslužuje no treatmentliječenje
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ne zaslužuje da se prema njoj odnosi
00:36
as minoritymanjina martyrdommučeništvo,
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kao prema teškoj patnji manjine
00:38
and it deserveszaslužuje not to be deemedsmatra anything but a perniciousopasan sicknessbolest."
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i ne zaslužuje da se smatra ičim drugim
doli opasnom bolešću."
00:45
That's from Time magazinečasopis in 1966, when I was threetri yearsgodina oldstar.
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Ovo je citat iz časopisa Time iz 1966.
kada sam imao tri godine.
00:50
And last yeargodina, the presidentpredsjednik of the UnitedUjedinjeni StatesDržava
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Prošle je godine predsjednik SAD-a
00:54
camedošao out in favormilost of gayhomoseksualac marriagebrak.
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podržao gay brakove.
00:57
(ApplausePljesak)
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(Pljesak)
01:04
And my questionpitanje is, how did we get from there to here?
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Moje pitanje je kako smo
stigli odatle do ovdje?
01:10
How did an illnessbolest becomepostati an identityidentitet?
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Kako je bolest postala identitet?
01:15
When I was perhapsmožda sixšest yearsgodina oldstar,
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Kada sam imao otprilike šest godina,
01:18
I wentotišao to a shoecipela storedućan with my mothermajka and my brotherbrat.
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otišao sam s majkom i bratom
u trgovinu cipela.
01:21
And at the endkraj of buyingkupovina our shoescipele,
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Kada smo kupili cipele,
01:23
the salesmanprodavač said to us that we could eachsvaki have a balloonbalon to take home.
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prodavač nam je rekao da možemo
dobiti po jedan balon svaki.
01:27
My brotherbrat wanted a redcrvena balloonbalon, and I wanted a pinkružičasta balloonbalon.
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Moj brat je htio crveni balon,
a ja sam htio ružičasti.
01:32
My mothermajka said that she thought I'd really ratherradije have a blueplava balloonbalon.
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Moja majka je rekla da misli
kako bih ja radije htio plavi balon.
01:37
But I said that I definitelydefinitivno wanted the pinkružičasta one.
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No ja sam rekao da bih
bez dvojbe htio ružičasti.
01:40
And she remindedpodsjetio me that my favoriteljubimac colorboja was blueplava.
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Na što me ona podsjetila
da mi je omiljena boja plava.
01:46
The factčinjenica that my favoriteljubimac colorboja now is blueplava, but I'm still gayhomoseksualac --
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Činjenica da mi je danas omiljena
boja plava, no da sam i dalje gay --
01:51
(LaughterSmijeh) --
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(Smijeh) --
01:54
is evidencedokaz of bothoba my mother'smamin influenceutjecaj and its limitsgranice.
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je istovremeno dokaz majčinog utjecaja
i njegovih ograničenja.
01:58
(LaughterSmijeh)
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(Smijeh)
02:00
(ApplausePljesak)
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(Pljesak)
02:07
When I was little, my mothermajka used to say,
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Kada sam bio mali,
moja majka je često govorila:
02:10
"The love you have for your childrendjeca is like no other feelingosjećaj in the worldsvijet.
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"Ljubav prema vlastitoj djeci se ne može
mjeriti s nijednim drugim osjećajem.
02:14
And untildo you have childrendjeca, you don't know what it's like."
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I dok ne budeš imao svoju djecu,
nećeš znati kako je to."
02:17
And when I was little, I tookuzeo it as the greatestnajveći complimentkompliment in the worldsvijet
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Kada sam bio mali, mislio sam
kako je najveći kompliment na svijetu
02:21
that she would say that about parentingroditeljstvo my brotherbrat and me.
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što može reći tako nešto
o odgoju mog brata i mene.
02:24
And when I was an adolescentadolescenata, I thought
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Kada sam bio adolescent, mislio sam
02:26
that I'm gayhomoseksualac, and so I probablyvjerojatno can't have a familyobitelj.
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kako vjerojatno neću moći
imati obitelj jer sam gay.
02:30
And when she said it, it madenapravljen me anxiouszabrinuti.
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Kada je ona to rekla to me uznemirilo.
02:32
And after I camedošao out of the closetormar,
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Kada sam priznao da sam gay,
02:33
when she continuedi dalje to say it, it madenapravljen me furiousžestok.
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a ona je to nastavila govoriti,
to me činilo bijesnim.
02:37
I said, "I'm gayhomoseksualac. That's not the directionsmjer that I'm headeds glavom in.
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Rekao sam: "Ja sam gay.
Moj život ne ide u tom pravcu.
02:41
And I want you to stop sayingizreka that."
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Želim da to prestaneš govoriti."
02:47
About 20 yearsgodina agoprije, I was askedpitao by my editorsUrednici at The NewNovi YorkYork TimesPuta MagazineMagazin
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Prije otprilike 20 godina, moji urednici
u The New York Timesu su me zamolili
02:52
to writepisati a piecekomad about deafgluh cultureKultura.
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da napišem članak o kulturi gluhih osoba.
02:54
And I was ratherradije takenpoduzete abackIznenađen.
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Bio sam prilično zatečen.
02:56
I had thought of deafnessgluhoća entirelypotpuno as an illnessbolest.
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O gluhoći sam razmišljao
isključivo kao o bolesti.
02:58
Those poorsiromašan people, they couldn'tne mogu hearčuti.
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Ti jadni ljudi ne mogu čuti.
03:00
They lackednisu imali hearingsluh, and what could we do for them?
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Nemaju osjet sluha
i što mi možemo učiniti za njih?
03:03
And then I wentotišao out into the deafgluh worldsvijet.
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Tada sam otišao u svijet gluhih osoba.
03:05
I wentotišao to deafgluh clubsklubovi.
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Išao sam u klubove za gluhe.
03:07
I saw performancespredstava of deafgluh theaterkazalište and of deafgluh poetrypoezija.
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Gledao sam nastupe kazališta za gluhe
i poezije za gluhe.
03:11
I even wentotišao to the MissMiss DeafGluh AmericaAmerika contestNatjecanje in NashvilleNashville, TennesseeTennessee
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Čak sam išao na izbor Gluhe Miss Amerike
u Nashvilleu, u državi Tennessee
03:17
where people complainedsu se žalili about that slurrygnojnica SouthernJužni signingpotpisivanje.
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gdje su se ljudi žalili na nerazumljivi
južnjački znakovni jezik.
03:21
(LaughterSmijeh)
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(Smijeh)
03:25
And as I plungedumočen deeperdublje and deeperdublje into the deafgluh worldsvijet,
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Kada sam dublje uronio u svijet gluhih,
03:29
I becomepostati convinceduvjeren that deafnessgluhoća was a cultureKultura
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uvjerio sam se da je gluhoća kultura
03:32
and that the people in the deafgluh worldsvijet who said,
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i da ljudi u svijetu gluhih koji su govorili:
03:35
"We don't lacknedostatak hearingsluh, we have membershipčlanstvo u in a cultureKultura,"
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"Nama ne nedostaje osjet sluha,
mi smo članovi jedne kulture."
03:38
were sayingizreka something that was viablesposoban za život.
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govore o nečem smislenom.
03:41
It wasn'tnije my cultureKultura,
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To nije bila moja kultura
03:42
and I didn't particularlynaročito want to rushžuriti off and joinpridružiti it,
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i nisam joj se posebno želio priključiti,
03:45
but I appreciatedpoštovati that it was a cultureKultura
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ali sam shvatio da to jest kultura
03:48
and that for the people who were membersčlanovi of it,
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i da za osobe koje joj pripadaju
03:50
it feltosjećala as valuablevrijedan as LatinoLatino cultureKultura or gayhomoseksualac cultureKultura or JewishŽidovski cultureKultura.
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ima jednaku vrijednost kao
latinoamerička, gay ili židovska kultura.
03:56
It feltosjećala as validvrijedi perhapsmožda even as AmericanAmerički cultureKultura.
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Možda su je doživljavali jednako valjanom
poput američke kulture.
04:01
Then a friendprijatelj of a friendprijatelj of minerudnik had a daughterkći who was a dwarfpatuljak.
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Zatim je prijateljica mog prijatelja
dobila kćer koja je patuljak.
04:04
And when her daughterkći was bornrođen,
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Kada joj se rodila kćer,
04:06
she suddenlyiznenada foundpronađeno herselfona sama confrontingsuočavanju questionspitanja
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odjednom se suočila s pitanjima
04:08
that now beganpočeo to seemčiniti se quitedosta resonantrezonantne to me.
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koja su mi se činila prilično jasnima.
04:11
She was facingokrenut the questionpitanje of what to do with this childdijete.
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Suočila se s pitanjem
što činiti s tim djetetom.
04:15
Should she say, "You're just like everyonesvatko elsedrugo but a little bitbit shorterkraće?"
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Bi li mu trebala reći:
"Ti si isti kao svi drugi samo malo niži?"
04:18
Or should she try to constructizgraditi some kindljubazan of dwarfpatuljak identityidentitet,
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Ili je trebala izgraditi neku vrst
identiteta patuljka,
04:22
get involvedumiješan in the Little People of AmericaAmerika,
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uključiti se u udrugu Osoba malog rasta,
04:24
becomepostati awaresvjestan of what was happeningdogađa for dwarfspatuljaka?
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osvijestiti što se događa s patuljcima?
04:27
And I suddenlyiznenada thought,
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Tada sam pomislio
04:28
mostnajviše deafgluh childrendjeca are bornrođen to hearingsluh parentsroditelji.
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kako većina gluhe djece
imaju roditelje koji čuju.
04:31
Those hearingsluh parentsroditelji tendskloni to try to curelijek them.
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Ti roditelji ih pokušavaju izliječiti.
04:34
Those deafgluh people discoverotkriti communityzajednica somehownekako in adolescenceAdolescencija.
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Te gluhe osobe u adolescenciji
otkrivaju svoju zajednicu.
04:38
MostVećina gayhomoseksualac people are bornrođen to straightravno parentsroditelji.
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Većina gay osoba imaju roditelje
koji su heteroseksualni.
04:40
Those straightravno parentsroditelji oftenčesto want them to functionfunkcija
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Ti heteroseksualni roditelji uglavnom žele
da njihova djeca funkcioniraju
04:42
in what they think of as the mainstreammatica worldsvijet,
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u svijetu kojeg oni vide kao uobičajen
04:45
and those gayhomoseksualac people have to discoverotkriti identityidentitet laterkasnije on.
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te ta gay djeca moraju kasnije
otkriti vlastiti identitet.
04:48
And here was this friendprijatelj of minerudnik
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I tu je primjer moje prijateljice
04:50
looking at these questionspitanja of identityidentitet with her dwarfpatuljak daughterkći.
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koja se suočavala s pitanjima identiteta
svoje kćeri patuljastog rasta.
04:53
And I thought, there it is again:
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Pomislio sam kako se opet radi o istom:
04:55
A familyobitelj that perceivespercipira itselfsebe to be normalnormalan
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obitelj koja sebe doživljava normalnom
04:58
with a childdijete who seemsčini se to be extraordinaryizvanredan.
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s neobičnim djetetom.
05:00
And I hatchedizlegla the ideaideja that there are really two kindsvrste of identityidentitet.
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Javila mi se ideja da postoje
dvije vrste identiteta.
05:05
There are verticalvertikala identitiesidentiteta,
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Postoji vertikalni identitet
05:06
whichkoji are passedprošao down generationallygeneracijama from parentroditelj to childdijete.
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koji se prenosi generacijski
s roditelja na dijete.
05:09
Those are things like ethnicityetnička pripadnost, frequentlyčesto nationalitynacionalnost, languagejezik, oftenčesto religionreligija.
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To su stvari poput etničke pripadnosti,
nacionalnosti, jezika i često vjere.
05:15
Those are things you have in commonzajednička with your parentsroditelji and with your childrendjeca.
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To su stvari koje su zajedničke vama,
vašim roditeljima i vašoj djeci.
05:20
And while some of them can be difficulttežak,
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I iako neke od njih mogu biti teške,
05:22
there's no attemptpokušaj to curelijek them.
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ne pokušava ih se izliječiti.
05:24
You can argueraspravljati that it's harderteže in the UnitedUjedinjeni StatesDržava --
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Možete tvrditi da je u SAD-u,
05:27
our currentstruja presidencyPredsjedništvo notwithstandinguprkos --
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bez obzira na trenutnog predsjednika,
05:29
to be a personosoba of colorboja.
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teže biti osoba koja nije bijele kože.
05:31
And yetjoš, we have nobodynitko who is tryingtežak to ensureosigurati
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A ipak nitko ne pokušava osigurati
05:34
that the nextSljedeći generationgeneracija of childrendjeca bornrođen to African-AmericansAfro-Amerikanci and AsiansAzijati
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da se iduća generacija djece
čiji su roditelji afroamerikaci ili azijati
05:38
come out with creamykremasti skinkoža and yellowžuta boja hairdlaka.
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rodi svijetloputa i plavokosa.
05:41
There are these other identitiesidentiteta whichkoji you have to learnnaučiti from a peerviriti groupskupina.
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Postoji i druga vrst identiteta
koja se uči od vršnjaka
05:45
And I call them horizontalvodoravan identitiesidentiteta,
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koju nazivam horizontalnim identitetom
05:48
because the peerviriti groupskupina is the horizontalvodoravan experienceiskustvo.
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jer je grupa vršnjaka horizontalno iskustvo.
05:51
These are identitiesidentiteta that are alienstranac to your parentsroditelji
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To su identiteti strani vašim roditeljima
05:53
and that you have to discoverotkriti when you get to see them in peersvršnjaka.
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i koje morate otkriti od vršnjaka.
05:57
And those identitiesidentiteta, those horizontalvodoravan identitiesidentiteta,
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Te horizontalne identitete,
06:00
people have almostskoro always triedpokušala to curelijek.
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su ljudi gotovo uvijek pokušavali liječiti.
06:04
And I wanted to look at what the processpostupak is
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Htio sam saznati kojim procesom
06:07
throughkroz whichkoji people who have those identitiesidentiteta
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se osobe koje imaju te identitete
06:09
come to a good relationshipodnos with them.
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mire s njima.
06:12
And it seemedčinilo se to me that there were threetri levelsrazina of acceptanceprihvaćanje
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I činilo mi se da postoje
tri razine prihvaćanja
06:16
that neededpotreban to take placemjesto.
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koje se moraju dogoditi.
06:17
There's self-acceptanceSamo-prihvaćanje, there's familyobitelj acceptanceprihvaćanje, and there's socialsocijalni acceptanceprihvaćanje.
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Prihvaćanje samih sebe,
roditeljsko i društveno prihvaćanje.
06:23
And they don't always coincidepodudara.
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I ona se uvijek ne podudaraju.
06:25
And a lot of the time, people who have these conditionsUvjeti are very angryljut
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Osobe koje imaju ova stanja su često ljute
06:29
because they feel as thoughiako theirnjihov parentsroditelji don't love them,
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jer osjećaju da ih roditelji ne vole
06:32
when what actuallyzapravo has happeneddogodilo is that theirnjihov parentsroditelji don't acceptprihvatiti them.
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dok ih zapravo roditelji ne prihvaćaju.
06:36
Love is something that ideallyidealno is there unconditionallybezuvjetno
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Idealno, ljubav postoji bezuvjetno
06:40
throughoutkroz the relationshipodnos betweenizmeđu a parentroditelj and a childdijete.
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između djeteta i roditelja.
06:43
But acceptanceprihvaćanje is something that takes time.
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No za prihvaćanje treba vremena.
06:46
It always takes time.
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Uvijek treba vremena.
06:48
One of the dwarfspatuljaka I got to know was a guy namedpod nazivom ClintonClinton BrownBrown.
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Jedna osoba patuljastog rasta
koju sam upoznao se zvao Clinton Brown.
06:53
When he was bornrođen, he was diagnoseddijagnosticira with diastrophicdiastrophic dwarfismPatuljastost,
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Kad se rodio, dijagnosticiran mu je
teški oblik patuljastosti,
06:56
a very disablingonemogućiti conditionstanje,
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stanje teškog invaliditeta.
06:58
and his parentsroditelji were told that he would never walkhodati, he would never talk,
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Roditeljima je rečeno da neće
nikada hodati, govoriti,
07:02
he would have no intellectualintelektualac capacitykapacitet,
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imati ikakve intelektualne mogućnosti
07:04
and he would probablyvjerojatno not even recognizeprepoznati them.
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te da ih vjerojatno neće ni prepoznavati.
07:06
And it was suggestedpredložio to them that they leavenapustiti him at the hospitalbolnica
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Predloženo im je da ga ostave u bolnici
07:10
so that he could dieumrijeti there quietlytiho.
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kako bi mogao mirno umrijeti.
07:12
And his mothermajka said she wasn'tnije going to do it.
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Njegova majka je to odbila.
07:14
And she tookuzeo her sonsin home.
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I odvela ga kući.
07:16
And even thoughiako she didn't have a lot of educationalobrazovni or financialfinancijska advantagesprednosti,
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3634
I iako nije imala velikih obrazovnih
i financijskih mogućnosti,
07:19
she foundpronađeno the bestnajbolje doctorliječnik in the countryzemlja
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pronašla je najboljeg doktora u zemlji
07:21
for dealingbavljenje with diastrophicdiastrophic dwarfismPatuljastost,
130
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2199
za njegovo stanje
07:24
and she got ClintonClinton enrolledupisani with him.
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i upisala je Clintona kod njega.
07:26
And in the coursenaravno of his childhooddjetinjstvo,
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Tokom djetinjstva
07:28
he had 30 majorglavni surgicalkirurška procedurespostupci.
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Clinton je prošao 30 velikih operacija.
07:31
And he spentpotrošen all this time stucku škripcu in the hospitalbolnica
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I proveo je svo to vrijeme u bolnici
07:33
while he was havingima those procedurespostupci,
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dok je prolazio te zahvate.
07:35
as a resultproizlaziti of whichkoji he now can walkhodati.
136
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2408
Rezultat je da danas može hodati.
07:37
And while he was there, they sentposlao tutorstutora around to help him with his schoolškola work.
137
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Dok je bio tamo, slali su učitelje
da mu pomognu sa školovanjem.
07:41
And he workedradio very hardteško because there was nothing elsedrugo to do.
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Naporno je radio jer ionako
nije imao što drugo činiti.
07:44
And he endedzavršeno up achievingpostizanje at a levelnivo
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Na koncu je dosegao stupanj obrazovanja
07:46
that had never before been contemplatedrazmatra by any memberčlan of his familyobitelj.
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o kojem nitko u njegovoj obitelji
do tada nije ni razmišljao.
07:50
He was the first one in his familyobitelj, in factčinjenica, to go to collegekoledž,
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Bio je prva osoba iz svoje obitelji
koja je otišla na fakultet.
07:53
where he livedživjeli on campuskampus and drovestado a specially-fittedspecijalno opremljen carautomobil
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Stanovao je na kampusu
i vozio automobil prilagođen
07:56
that accommodatedsmješteni his unusualneuobičajen bodytijelo.
143
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2784
njegovom neobičnom tijelu.
07:59
And his mothermajka told me this storypriča of comingdolazak home one day --
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2963
Njegova majka mi je ispričala
kako je jednom došla kući --
08:02
and he wentotišao to collegekoledž nearbyu blizini --
145
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1765
on je pohađao obližnji fakultet --
08:04
and she said, "I saw that carautomobil, whichkoji you can always recognizeprepoznati,
146
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3087
i ugledala njegov prepoznatljiv automobil
08:07
in the parkingparkiralište lot of a barbar," she said. (LaughterSmijeh)
147
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na parkiralištu jednog kafića. (Smijeh)
08:11
"And I thought to myselfsebe, they're sixšest feetnoge tallvisok, he's threetri feetnoge tallvisok.
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"Pomislila sam, oni su visoki 180, a on 90cm.
08:16
Two beerspiva for them is fourčetiri beerspiva for him."
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Ono što je njima dva piva, njemu su četiri."
08:18
She said, "I knewznao I couldn'tne mogu go in there and interruptprekinuti him,
150
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2613
"Znala sam da ne mogu ući i prekinuti ga,
08:21
but I wentotišao home, and I left him eightosam messagesporuke on his cellćelija phonetelefon."
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4188
pa sam otišla kući i ostavila mu
osam poruka na mobitel."
08:25
She said, "And then I thought,
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1485
"Tada sam pomislila da ne bih vjerovala
08:27
if someonenetko had said to me when he was bornrođen
153
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2100
da mi je netko rekao kada se rodio
08:29
that my futurebudućnost worrybrinuti would be that he'don bi go drinkingpiće and drivingvožnja with his collegekoledž buddiesprijatelji -- "
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kako ću se u budućnosti brinuti što
s prijateljima pije i onda vozi."
08:34
(ApplausePljesak)
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(Pljesak)
08:43
And I said to her, "What do you think you did
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Pitao sam je: "Što misliš da si učinila
08:45
that helpedpomogao him to emergepojaviti as this charmingšarmantan, accomplishedostvariti, wonderfulpredivan personosoba?"
157
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da mu je pomoglo da postane takva
šarmantna, uspješna i prekrasna osoba?"
08:50
And she said, "What did I do? I lovedvoljen him, that's all.
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"Što sam učinila? Voljela sam ga, samo to.
08:54
ClintonClinton just always had that lightsvjetlo in him.
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Clinton je uvijek imao tu iskru,
08:57
And his fatherotac and I were luckysretan enoughdovoljno to be the first to see it there."
160
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a njegov otac i ja smo imali tu sreću
da je prvi ugledamo."
09:04
I'm going to quotecitat from anotherjoš magazinečasopis of the '60s.
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Navest ću citat iz još jednog časopisa iz 60tih.
09:07
This one is from 1968 -- The AtlanticAtlantic MonthlyMjesečni, voiceglas of liberalliberalni AmericaAmerika --
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Ovaj je iz 1968., iz The Atlantic Monthly,
glasa liberalne Amerike --
09:13
writtennapisan by an importantvažno bioethicistbioethicist.
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a napisao ga je važan bioetičar.
09:15
He said, "There is no reasonrazlog to feel guiltykriv
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Rekao je: "Ne treba osjećati krivnju
09:19
about puttingstavljanje a Down syndromesindrom childdijete away,
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zbog uklanjanja djeteta s Downovim sindromom,
09:22
whetherda li it is put away in the senseosjećaj of hiddenskriven in a sanitariumsanatorij
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bilo da se radi o skrivanju u sanatorij
09:27
or in a more responsibleodgovoran, lethalsmrtonosan senseosjećaj.
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ili odgovornijem, smrtonosnom načinu.
09:31
It is sadtužan, yes -- dreadfulstrašan. But it carriesnosi no guiltkrivnje.
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Da, to je tužno i strašno. Ali nema krivnje.
09:36
TrueIstina guiltkrivnje arisesproizlazi only from an offenseuvrede againstprotiv a personosoba,
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Istinska krivnja proizlazi iz napada na osobu,
09:40
and a Down'sDolje je is not a personosoba."
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a Downovac nije osoba."
09:45
There's been a lot of inktinta givendan to the enormousogroman progressnapredak that we'veimamo madenapravljen
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Puno se pisalo o
napretku koji smo postigli
09:49
in the treatmentliječenje of gayhomoseksualac people.
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u odnosu spram gay osoba.
09:51
The factčinjenica that our attitudestav has changedpromijenjen is in the headlinesNaslovi everysvaki day.
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To se svakodnevno vidi
u novinskim naslovima.
09:55
But we forgetzaboraviti how we used to see people who had other differencesRazlike,
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No zaboravljamo kako smo gledali
osobe s drugim razlikama,
10:00
how we used to see people who were disabledonesposobljen,
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kako smo gledali osobe s invaliditetom,
10:02
how inhumannečovječno we heldodržanog people to be.
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kako smo ih doživljavali nečovječnima.
10:05
And the changepromijeniti that's been accomplishedostvariti there,
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Na tu promjenu
10:07
whichkoji is almostskoro equallyjednako radicalradikal,
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koja je gotovo jednako radikalna,
10:09
is one that we payplatiti not very much attentionpažnja to.
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gotovo uopće ne obraćamo pozornost.
10:11
One of the familiesobitelji I interviewedintervjuiran, TomTom and KarenKaren RobardsRobards,
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3952
Jedna od obitelji koju sam intervjuirao,
Tom i Karen Robards,
10:15
were takenpoduzete abackIznenađen when, as youngmladi and successfuluspješan NewNovi YorkersYorka,
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su bili zatečeni kada im je,
kao mladim i uspješnim njujorčanima,
10:19
theirnjihov first childdijete was diagnoseddijagnosticira with Down syndromesindrom.
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prvom djetetu dijagnosticiran
Downov sindrom.
10:23
They thought the educationalobrazovni opportunitiesprilike for him were not what they should be,
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Smatrali su da obrazovne mogućnosti
za njega nisu kakve bi trebale biti.
10:27
and so they decidedodlučio they would buildizgraditi a little centercentar --
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Stoga su odlučili izgraditi mali centar -
10:31
two classroomsučionice that they startedpočeo with a fewnekoliko other parentsroditelji --
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dvije učionice koje su
pokrenuli s još nekoliko roditelja --
10:34
to educateobrazovati kidsdjeca with D.S.
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za obrazovanje djece s Downovim sindromom.
10:37
And over the yearsgodina, that centercentar grewrastao into something calledzvao the CookeCooke CenterCentar,
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Kroz godine taj centar
je izrastao u Centar Cooke
10:41
where there are now thousandstisuća uponna thousandstisuća
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u kojem se obrazuje na tisuće djece
10:43
of childrendjeca with intellectualintelektualac disabilitiesinvaliditetom who are beingbiće taughtučio.
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3777
s intelektualnim poteškoćama.
10:47
In the time sinceod that AtlanticAtlantic MonthlyMjesečni storypriča ranran,
190
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3138
Od objave članka u Atlantic Monhtleyju
10:50
the life expectancyiščekivanje for people with Down syndromesindrom has tripledutrostručio.
191
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životni vijek osoba s Downom se utrostručio.
10:54
The experienceiskustvo of Down syndromesindrom people includesuključuje those who are actorsglumci,
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Osobe s Downovim sindromom
postaju glumci, pisci,
10:59
those who are writerspisci, some who are ableu stanju to liveživjeti fullypotpuno independentlysamostalno in adulthoododrasloj dobi.
193
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a neki od njih su potpuno samostalni
u odrasloj dobi.
11:05
The RobardsRobards had a lot to do with that.
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Robardovi su prilično zaslužni za to.
11:07
And I said, "Do you regretžaljenje it?
195
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Pitao sam ih: "Žalite li zbog toga?
11:08
Do you wishželja your childdijete didn't have Down syndromesindrom?
196
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2603
Biste li željeli da vaše dijete nema Down?
11:11
Do you wishželja you'dti bi never heardčuo of it?"
197
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1849
Biste li željeli da nikad niste čuli za Down?"
11:12
And interestinglyzanimljivo his fatherotac said,
198
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Otac je imao zanimljiv odgovor:
11:15
"Well, for DavidDavid, our sonsin, I regretžaljenje it,
199
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2587
"Žalim zbog našeg sina Davida
11:17
because for DavidDavid, it's a difficulttežak way to be in the worldsvijet,
200
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3380
jer mu to otežava život
11:21
and I'd like to give DavidDavid an easierlakše life.
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i volio bih mu pružiti lakši život.
11:24
But I think if we lostizgubljen everyonesvatko with Down syndromesindrom, it would be a catastrophickatastrofalan lossgubitak."
202
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No mislim da bi gubitak svih osoba s Downom
bio katastrofalan gubitak.
11:29
And KarenKaren RobardsRobards said to me, "I'm with TomTom.
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Karen Robards mi je rekla:
"Slažem se s Tomom.
11:32
For DavidDavid, I would curelijek it in an instanttrenutak to give him an easierlakše life.
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3941
Izliječila bih ga odmah
da mu pružim lakši život.
11:36
But speakinggovor for myselfsebe -- well, I would never have believedvjerovao 23 yearsgodina agoprije when he was bornrođen
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5436
Govoreći u svoje ime, ne bih nikad povjerovala,
kada se rodio prije 23 godine,
11:41
that I could come to suchtakav a pointtočka --
206
689978
2010
da ću doći do te točke.
11:43
speakinggovor for myselfsebe, it's madenapravljen me so much better and so much kinderdječji
207
691988
4348
Govoreći u svoje ime, postala sam
bolja i ljubaznija osoba
11:48
and so much more purposefulsvrhovito in my wholečitav life,
208
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i moj život je toliko svrhovitiji
11:51
that speakinggovor for myselfsebe, I wouldn'tne bi give it up for anything in the worldsvijet."
209
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da to, govoreći u svoje ime,
ne bih mijenjala nizašto."
11:57
We liveživjeti at a pointtočka when socialsocijalni acceptanceprihvaćanje for these and manymnogi other conditionsUvjeti
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Živimo u vremenu kada je društveno
prihvaćanje ovog i mnogih drugih stanja
12:02
is on the up and up.
211
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u konstantnom porastu.
12:03
And yetjoš we alsotakođer liveživjeti at the momenttrenutak
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No također živimo u vremenu
12:05
when our abilitysposobnost to eliminateeliminirati those conditionsUvjeti
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kada su naše mogućnosti
uklanjanja takvih stanja
12:08
has reachedpostignut a heightvisina we never imaginedzamislio before.
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dosegle nezamislive razine.
12:11
MostVećina deafgluh infantsdjeca bornrođen in the UnitedUjedinjeni StatesDržava now
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Većina američke novorođenčadi
12:14
will receivedobiti CochlearKohlearni implantsimplantati,
216
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će dobiti umjetne pužnice
12:16
whichkoji are put into the brainmozak and connectedpovezan to a receiverprijemnik,
217
724189
4815
koje se usađuju u mozak
i povezuju s prijamnikom
12:21
and whichkoji allowdopustiti them to acquiresteći a facsimilefaksimil of hearingsluh and to use oraloralno speechgovor.
218
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5018
koji im omogućava da čuju i koriste govor.
12:26
A compoundspoj that has been testedtestiran in micemiševi, BMN-BMN-111,
219
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4299
Kemijski spoj BMN-111
koji je testiran na miševima
12:30
is usefulkoristan in preventingsprečavanje the actionakcijski of the achondroplasiaAhondroplazija genegen.
220
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je koristan u prevenciji djelovanja
gena za ahondroplaziju.
12:35
AchondroplasiaAhondroplazija is the mostnajviše commonzajednička formoblik of dwarfismPatuljastost,
221
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2745
Ahonroplazija ja najčešći oblik
poremećaja patuljastog rasta.
12:38
and micemiševi who have been givendan that substancesupstanca and who have the achondroplasiaAhondroplazija genegen,
222
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3967
Miševi koji su primili taj spoj
i koji imaju gen za ahondroplaziju
12:42
growrasti to fullpuni sizeveličina.
223
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1918
narastu do pune veličine.
12:44
TestingTestiranje in humansljudi is around the cornerugao.
224
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2551
Na korak smo do testiranja na ljudima.
12:46
There are bloodkrv teststestovi whichkoji are makingizrađivanje progressnapredak
225
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Razvijaju se testovi krvi
12:48
that would pickodabrati up Down syndromesindrom more clearlyjasno and earlierranije in pregnanciesTrudnoća than ever before,
226
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5495
koji će prepoznati Downov sindrom u trudnoći
ranije i jasnije nego ikada do sada
12:54
makingizrađivanje it easierlakše and easierlakše for people to eliminateeliminirati those pregnanciesTrudnoća,
227
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5229
te će biti sve lakše eliminirati
ili okončati
12:59
or to terminateokončati them.
228
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1320
takve trudnoće.
13:00
And so we have bothoba socialsocijalni progressnapredak and medicalmedicinski progressnapredak.
229
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4667
Uočavamo i društveni i medicinski napredak
13:05
And I believe in bothoba of them.
230
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1852
i vjerujem u oba.
13:07
I believe the socialsocijalni progressnapredak is fantasticfantastičan and meaningfulznačajan and wonderfulpredivan,
231
775389
4055
Vjerujem da je društveni napredak
izvanredan, značajan i predivan,
13:11
and I think the sameisti thing about the medicalmedicinski progressnapredak.
232
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a isto mislim i za medicinski napredak.
13:14
But I think it's a tragedytragedija when one of them doesn't see the other.
233
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No mislim da je tragedija kada se
međusobno ne uočavaju.
13:18
And when I see the way they're intersectingkoje se sijeku
234
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2071
Kada vidim kako se presijecaju
13:20
in conditionsUvjeti like the threetri I've just describedopisan,
235
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2214
u uvjetima poput ovih koje sam opisao,
13:23
I sometimesponekad think it's like those momentstrenutke in grandveličanstven operaopera
236
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3650
ponekad pomislim da je to kao kad u operi
13:26
when the herojunak realizesshvaća he lovesvoli the heroinejunakinja
237
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2604
junak shvati da voli junakinju
13:29
at the exacttočno momenttrenutak that she lieslaži expiringistječe on a divandivan.
238
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4447
točno kada ona leži izdišući na sofi.
13:33
(LaughterSmijeh)
239
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2799
(Smijeh)
13:36
We have to think about how we feel about cureslijekove altogethersve u svemu.
240
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3882
Moramo promisliti općenito o našim
stavovima prema lijekovima.
13:40
And a lot of the time the questionpitanje of parenthoodroditeljstvo is,
241
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2866
Često se u roditeljstvu postavlja pitanje
13:43
what do we validateProvjeri valjanost in our childrendjeca,
242
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1852
što uvažavamo kod naše djece,
13:45
and what do we curelijek in them?
243
813288
1752
a što želimo izliječiti?
13:47
JimJim SinclairSinclair, a prominentistaknuti autismautizam activistaktivista, said,
244
815040
4171
Istaknuti aktivist za autizam,
Jim Sinclair, je rekao:
13:51
"When parentsroditelji say 'I' Ja wishželja my childdijete did not have autismautizam,'
245
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4654
"Kada roditelji kažu 'volio bih da
moje dijete nema autizam',
13:55
what they're really sayingizreka is 'I' Ja wishželja the childdijete I have did not existpostojati
246
823865
4859
zapravo govore 'volio bih da
dijete koje imam ne postoji
14:00
and I had a differentdrugačiji, non-autisticsobe autističan childdijete insteadumjesto.'
247
828724
4019
i da imam drugačije, ne-autistično dijete
umjesto ovog.'
14:04
ReadČitanje that again. This is what we hearčuti when you mourntugovati over our existencepostojanje.
248
832743
4792
Razmislite o tome.
To čujemo kada oplakujete naše postojanje.
14:09
This is what we hearčuti when you praymoliti for a curelijek --
249
837535
3202
To čujemo kada se molite za lijek --
14:12
that your fondestnaklonost wishželja for us
250
840737
1905
da je vaša najveća želja za nas
14:14
is that somedayjednog dana we will ceaseprestati to be
251
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2379
da jedan dan prestanemo postojati
14:17
and strangersstranci you can love will movepotez in behindiza our faceslica."
252
845021
5555
i da se stranci koje ćete voljeti
usele iza naših lica."
14:22
It's a very extremekrajnost pointtočka of viewpogled,
253
850576
3066
Ovo je vrlo ekstremno gledište,
14:25
but it pointsbodova to the realitystvarnost that people engageangažirati with the life they have
254
853642
4129
no ukazuje na stvarnost u kojoj
se ljudi nose sa životom koji imaju
14:29
and they don't want to be curedizliječen or changedpromijenjen or eliminatedeliminiran.
255
857771
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i ne žele biti izliječeni, promijenjeni
ili eliminirani.
14:34
They want to be whoeverma tko it is that they'vešto ga do come to be.
256
862336
3220
Žele biti osobe kojima su postale.
14:37
One of the familiesobitelji I interviewedintervjuiran for this projectprojekt
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Jedna od obitelji koju sam intervjuirao
za ovaj projekt
14:41
was the familyobitelj of DylanDylan KleboldKlebold who was one of the perpetratorspočinitelji of the ColumbinePakujac massacremasakr.
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je bila obitelj Dylana Klebolda,
jednog od počinitelja masakra u Columbineu.
14:46
It tookuzeo a long time to persuadeuvjeriti them to talk to me,
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Trebalo mi je dosta vremena da
ih nagovorim da razgovaraju sa mnom.
14:49
and oncejednom they agreeddogovoren, they were so fullpuni of theirnjihov storypriča
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Kada su konačno pristali
imali su toliko za reći
14:52
that they couldn'tne mogu stop tellingreći it.
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da se nisu mogli zaustaviti.
14:53
And the first weekendvikend I spentpotrošen with them -- the first of manymnogi --
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U prvom od mnogih vikenda koje
sam proveo s njima,
14:56
I recordedzabilježena more than 20 hourssati of conversationrazgovor.
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snimio sam više od 20 sati razgovora.
14:59
And on SundayNedjelja night, we were all exhaustediscrpljen.
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U nedjelju navečer smo svi bili iscrpljeni.
15:01
We were sittingsjedenje in the kitchenkuhinja. SueSue KleboldKlebold was fixingpopravljanje dinnervečera.
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Sjedili smo u kuhinji.
Sue Klebold je pripremala večeru.
15:04
And I said, "If DylanDylan were here now,
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2521
Rekao sam: "Da je Dylan sada ovdje,
15:07
do you have a senseosjećaj of what you'dti bi want to askpitati him?"
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imate li ideju što biste ga pitali?"
15:10
And his fatherotac said, "I sure do.
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898121
2368
Njegov otac je odgovorio: "Naravno da imam.
15:12
I'd want to askpitati him what the hellpakao he thought he was doing."
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900489
3549
Pitao bih ga kog vraga je mislio da radi."
15:16
And SueSue lookedgledao at the floorkat, and she thought for a minuteminuta.
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904038
3638
Sue je pogledala u pod i malo razmislila.
15:19
And then she lookedgledao back up and said,
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907676
2179
Digla je pogled i rekla:
15:21
"I would askpitati him to forgiveoprostiti me for beingbiće his mothermajka
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909855
4063
"Pitala bih ga da mi
oprosti što sam mu bila majka
15:25
and never knowingpoznavanje what was going on insideiznutra his headglava."
273
913918
4424
i što nisam znala
što se zbiva u njegovoj glavi."
15:30
When I had dinnervečera with her a couplepar of yearsgodina laterkasnije --
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918342
2968
Kada sam nakon par godina
s njom jeo večeru --
15:33
one of manymnogi dinnersvečere that we had togetherzajedno --
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921310
1927
jednu od naših mnogih večera --
15:35
she said, "You know, when it first happeneddogodilo,
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923237
3410
rekla je: "Kada se to tek dogodilo,
15:38
I used to wishželja that I had never marriedoženjen, that I had never had childrendjeca.
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926647
3808
priželjkivala sam da se nikad nisam udala,
da nikad nisam imala djecu.
15:42
If I hadn'tnije goneotišao to OhioOhio StateDržava and crossedprešao pathsstaze with TomTom,
278
930455
3492
Da nisam otišla u Ohio i susrela Toma,
15:45
this childdijete wouldn'tne bi have existedpostojala and this terribleužasan thing wouldn'tne bi have happeneddogodilo.
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933947
3642
ovo dijete ne bi postojalo i ova
užasna stvar se ne bi nikad dogodila.
15:49
But I've come to feel that I love the childrendjeca I had so much
280
937589
4515
No s vremenom sam počela osjećati
da toliko volim djecu koju sam dobila
15:54
that I don't want to imaginezamisliti a life withoutbez them.
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942104
3303
da ne želim zamisliti život bez njih.
15:57
I recognizeprepoznati the painbol they causedizazvan to othersdrugi, for whichkoji there can be no forgivenesspraštanje,
282
945407
4929
Uviđam da za bol koju su nanijeli drugima
nema oprosta,
16:02
but the painbol they causedizazvan to me, there is," she said.
283
950336
3464
no za bol koju su nanijeli meni, ima.
16:05
"So while I recognizeprepoznati that it would have been better for the worldsvijet
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Iako uviđam da bi za svijet bilo bolje
16:09
if DylanDylan had never been bornrođen,
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da se Dylan nikad nije rodio,
16:12
I've decidedodlučio that it would not have been better for me."
286
960102
5482
odlučila sam da
to ne bi bilo bolje za mene."
16:17
I thought it was surprisingiznenađujuće how all of these familiesobitelji had all of these childrendjeca with all of these problemsproblemi,
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965584
6484
Pomislio sam kako je iznenađujuće da sve
obitelji s djecom sa svim tim problemima,
16:24
problemsproblemi that they mostlyuglavnom would have doneučinio anything to avoidIzbjegavajte,
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972068
3033
problemima za koje
bi učinili sve da ih izbjegnu,
16:27
and that they had all foundpronađeno so much meaningznačenje in that experienceiskustvo of parentingroditeljstvo.
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3819
su pronašli toliko smisla u roditeljstvu.
16:30
And then I thought, all of us who have childrendjeca
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978920
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Zatim sam pomislio, svi mi koji imamo djecu
16:34
love the childrendjeca we have, with theirnjihov flawsmane.
291
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2692
volimo tu djecu zajedno s njihovim manama.
16:36
If some gloriousslavna angelanđeo suddenlyiznenada descendedspuštena throughkroz my livingživot roomsoba ceilingstrop
292
984813
4256
Da se blistavi anđeo iznenada spusti kroz
strop moje dnevne sobe
16:41
and offeredponudio to take away the childrendjeca I have
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989069
2210
i ponudi mi da će djecu koju imam
16:43
and give me other, better childrendjeca -- more politelijep, funnierduhovitiji, nicerljepše, smarterpametnije --
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991279
6594
zamijeniti drugom, boljom djecom -
pristojnijom, ljubaznijom, pametnijom
16:49
I would clingdržati se to the childrendjeca I have and praymoliti away that atrociouszločest spectaclespektakl.
295
997873
5105
čvrsto bih zgrabio djecu koju imam
i molio da taj strahoviti prizor nestane.
16:54
And ultimatelyna kraju I feel
296
1002978
1992
U konačnici osjećam
16:56
that in the sameisti way that we testtest flame-retardantteško pajamaspidžama in an infernopakao
297
1004970
3578
da na isti način testiramo
pidžame otporne na vatru
17:00
to ensureosigurati they won'tnavika catchulov firevatra when our childdijete reachesdoseže acrosspreko the stoveštednjak,
298
1008548
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kako bi osigurali da se neće zapaliti
kada naše dijete posegne preko štednjaka,
17:05
so these storiespriče of familiesobitelji negotiatingpregovarački these extremekrajnost differencesRazlike
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1013020
4068
tako i ove priče o obiteljima koje
savlađuju ekstremne razlike
17:09
reflectodraziti on the universaluniverzalan experienceiskustvo of parentingroditeljstvo,
300
1017088
2681
odražavaju univerzalno
iskustvo roditeljstva,
17:11
whichkoji is always that sometimesponekad you look at your childdijete and you think,
301
1019769
4134
a to je da ponekad pogledate
svoje dijete i pomislite:
17:15
where did you come from?
302
1023903
2189
otkud si ti došao?
17:18
(LaughterSmijeh)
303
1026092
2454
(Smijeh)
17:20
It turnsokreti out that while eachsvaki of these individualpojedinac differencesRazlike is siloedsiloed --
304
1028546
4975
Ispostavlja se da, iako je svaka od ovih
individualnih razlika zasebna --
17:25
there are only so manymnogi familiesobitelji dealingbavljenje with schizophreniashizofrenija,
305
1033521
2545
postoji određeni broj obitelji
koje se nose sa shizofrenijom,
17:28
there are only so manymnogi familiesobitelji of childrendjeca who are transgendertransrodna osoba,
306
1036066
2637
samo određeni broj obitelji
čija su djeca transrodna,
17:30
there are only so manymnogi familiesobitelji of prodigiesprofesorska --
307
1038703
2194
samo određeni broj obitelji
s iznimno nadarenom djecom --
17:32
who alsotakođer facelice similarsličan challengesizazovi in manymnogi waysnačine --
308
1040897
2284
koji se suočavaju sa sličnim izazovima --
17:35
there are only so manymnogi familiesobitelji in eachsvaki of those categorieskategorije --
309
1043181
2690
postoji samo određeni broj obitelji
u svakoj od ovih kategorija --
17:37
but if you startpočetak to think
310
1045871
1432
no ako počnete razmišljati
17:39
that the experienceiskustvo of negotiatingpregovarački differencerazlika withinunutar your familyobitelj
311
1047303
3566
da je iskustvo savlađivanja razlika
unutar vaše obitelji
17:42
is what people are addressingObraćajući se,
312
1050869
2030
ono što ljudi pokušavaju riješiti,
17:44
then you discoverotkriti that it's a nearlyskoro universaluniverzalan phenomenonfenomen.
313
1052899
3737
tada shvatite da se radi o
gotovo univerzalnom fenomenu.
17:48
IronicallyIronično, it turnsokreti out, that it's our differencesRazlike, and our negotiationPregovaranje of differencerazlika,
314
1056636
4635
Ironično, ispostavlja se da su upravo
razlike i naše savlađivanje razlika
ono što nas ujedinjuje.
17:53
that uniteujediniti us.
315
1061271
2428
17:55
I decidedodlučio to have childrendjeca while I was workingrad on this projectprojekt.
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1063699
5314
Odlučio sam imati djecu
dok sam radio na ovom projektu.
18:01
And manymnogi people were astonishedzačuđen and said,
317
1069013
3116
Mnogi su bili zaprepašteni i govorili su:
18:04
"But how can you decideodlučiti to have childrendjeca
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1072129
1848
"Kako možeš odlučiti imati djecu
18:05
in the midstusred of studyingučenje everything that can go wrongpogrešno?"
319
1073977
4106
usred istraživanja što
sve može poći po zlu?"
18:10
And I said, "I'm not studyingučenje everything that can go wrongpogrešno.
320
1078083
3230
Odgovorio sam: "Ne istražujem
što sve može poći po zlu.
18:13
What I'm studyingučenje is how much love there can be,
321
1081313
3091
Istražujem koliko ljubavi može postojati
18:16
even when everything appearsČini to be going wrongpogrešno."
322
1084404
4725
čak i kad se čini da sve ide po zlu."
18:21
I thought a lot about the mothermajka of one disabledonesposobljen childdijete I had seenvidio,
323
1089129
5635
Puno sam razmišljao o majci
jednog djeteta s poteškoćama,
18:26
a severelyteško disabledonesposobljen childdijete who diedumro throughkroz caregiverskrbnik neglectzanemariti.
324
1094764
3772
djeteta s ozbiljnim invaliditetom koje
je umrlo zbog njegovateljeva zanemarivanja.
18:30
And when his ashespepeo were interredpokopana, his mothermajka said,
325
1098536
2810
Kada su ga sahranili,
njegova majka je rekla:
18:33
"I praymoliti here for forgivenesspraštanje for havingima been twicedvaput robbedopljačkan,
326
1101346
8034
"Molim za oprost jer mi je dvaput oduzeto,
18:41
oncejednom of the childdijete I wanted and oncejednom of the sonsin I lovedvoljen."
327
1109380
6056
jednom dijete koje sam željela
i jednom sin kojeg sam voljela."
18:47
And I figuredshvaćen it was possiblemoguće then for anyonebilo tko to love any childdijete
328
1115436
4636
Tada sam shvatio da svatko
može voljeti dijete
18:52
if they had the effectivedjelotvoran will to do so.
329
1120072
2532
ako imaju stvarnu želju.
18:54
So my husbandsuprug is the biologicalbiološki fatherotac of two childrendjeca
330
1122604
5025
Moj suprug je biološki otac dvoje djece
18:59
with some lesbianlezbijka friendsprijatelji in MinneapolisMinneapolis.
331
1127629
2761
prijateljica lezbijki iz Minneapolisa.
19:02
I had a closeblizu friendprijatelj from collegekoledž who'dtko bi goneotišao throughkroz a divorcerazvod and wanted to have childrendjeca.
332
1130390
5824
Imam blisku prijateljicu s fakulteta
koja se razvela, a htjela je imati djecu
19:08
And so she and I have a daughterkći,
333
1136214
1898
pa s njom imam kćer
19:10
and mothermajka and daughterkći liveživjeti in TexasTexas.
334
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2211
i njih dvije žive u Texasu.
19:12
And my husbandsuprug and I have a sonsin who livesživot with us all the time
335
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3239
Moj suprug i ja imamo sina koji živi s nama
19:15
of whomkome I am the biologicalbiološki fatherotac,
336
1143562
2384
čiji sam ja biološki otac,
19:17
and our surrogatesurogat for the pregnancyTrudnoća was LauraLaura,
337
1145946
3920
a surogat majka je Laura,
19:21
the lesbianlezbijka mothermajka of OliverOliver and LucyLucy in MinneapolisMinneapolis.
338
1149881
3048
lezbijska majka Olivera i Lucy
iz Minneapolisa.
19:24
(ApplausePljesak)
339
1152929
8655
(Pljesak)
19:33
So the shorthandvrlo kratko is fivepet parentsroditelji of fourčetiri childrendjeca in threetri statesDržave.
340
1161584
5464
Ukratko, pet roditelja,
četvero djece, tri države.
19:39
And there are people who think that the existencepostojanje of my familyobitelj
341
1167048
3356
Postoje ljudi koji misle
da postojanje moje obitelji
19:42
somehownekako underminespotkopava or weakensslabi or damagesštete theirnjihov familyobitelj.
342
1170404
4665
nekako potkopava, oslabljuje ili oštećuje
njihovu obitelj.
19:47
And there are people who think that familiesobitelji like minerudnik
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1175069
3628
Postoje ljudi koji misle
da obitelji poput moje
19:50
shouldn'tne treba be alloweddopušteno to existpostojati.
344
1178697
1684
ne bi smjele postojati.
19:52
And I don't acceptprihvatiti subtractiveodbijajuće modelsmodeli of love, only additiveaditiv onesone.
345
1180381
5655
Ja ne prihvaćam oduzimajuće
modele ljubavi, već samo dodajuće.
19:58
And I believe that in the sameisti way that we need speciesvrsta diversityraznovrsnost
346
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3526
Vjerujem da kao što
je potrebna raznolikost vrsta
20:01
to ensureosigurati that the planetplaneta can go on,
347
1189562
2251
da bi se osigurao opstanak planete,
20:03
so we need this diversityraznovrsnost of affectionljubav and diversityraznovrsnost of familyobitelj
348
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4201
isto tako je potrebna raznolikost ljubavi
i raznolikost obitelji
20:08
in ordernarudžba to strengthenjačanje the ecosphereecosphere of kindnessljubaznost.
349
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4681
kako bi ojačala ekosfera dobrote.
20:12
The day after our sonsin was bornrođen,
350
1200695
2370
Dan nakon što nam se rodio sin,
20:15
the pediatricianpedijatar camedošao into the hospitalbolnica roomsoba and said she was concernedzabrinut.
351
1203065
4572
pedijatrica je došla u bolničku sobu
i rekla da je zabrinuta.
20:19
He wasn'tnije extendingproteže his legsnoge appropriatelyodgovarajući.
352
1207637
3133
Nije pružao noge kako treba.
20:22
She said that mightmoć mean that he had brainmozak damagešteta.
353
1210770
2909
Rekla je da to možda znači da ima oštećenje mozga.
20:25
In so fardaleko as he was extendingproteže them, he was doing so asymmetricallynesimetrično,
354
1213679
3361
Noge je pružao asimetrično
20:29
whichkoji she thought could mean that there was a tumortumor of some kindljubazan in actionakcijski.
355
1217040
3863
te je ona mislila da to može značiti da
ima neku vrst tumora.
20:32
And he had a very largeveliki headglava, whichkoji she thought mightmoć indicatenaznačiti hydrocephalushidrocefalus.
356
1220903
4783
Također je imao veliku glavu
i mislila da to ukazuje na hidrocefalus.
20:37
And as she told me all of these things,
357
1225686
1630
Dok mi je govorila sve te stvari,
20:39
I feltosjećala the very centercentar of my beingbiće pouringkoji lije out ontona the floorkat.
358
1227316
3995
osjetio sam kako mi utroba tone.
20:43
And I thought, here I had been workingrad for yearsgodina
359
1231311
2343
Pomislio sam kako godinama radim
20:45
on a bookrezervirati about how much meaningznačenje people had foundpronađeno
360
1233654
2549
na knjizi o tome koliko su
smisla ljudi našli
20:48
in the experienceiskustvo of parentingroditeljstvo childrendjeca who are disabledonesposobljen,
361
1236203
3533
u iskustvu podizanja djece s poteškoćama,
20:51
and I didn't want to joinpridružiti theirnjihov numberbroj.
362
1239736
3900
ali ja im se nisam želio pridružiti.
20:55
Because what I was encounteringsusret s was an ideaideja of illnessbolest.
363
1243636
2695
Ono s čime sam se suočavao
je bila ideja bolesti.
20:58
And like all parentsroditelji sinceod the dawnzora of time,
364
1246331
2250
I kao i svi roditelji otkad je svijeta,
21:00
I wanted to protectzaštititi my childdijete from illnessbolest.
365
1248581
3346
želio sam zaštititi svoje dijete od bolesti.
21:03
And I wanted alsotakođer to protectzaštititi myselfsebe from illnessbolest.
366
1251927
3211
Želio sam zaštititi i sebe od bolesti.
21:07
And yetjoš, I knewznao from the work I had doneučinio
367
1255138
2560
Ipak sam znao iz rada kojim sam se bavio
21:09
that if he had any of the things we were about to startpočetak testingtestiranje for,
368
1257698
4107
da bude li imao ijednu od stvari
za koje su ga krenuli testirati,
21:13
that those would ultimatelyna kraju be his identityidentitet,
369
1261805
3073
one će u konačnici biti njegov identitet
21:16
and if they were his identityidentitet they would becomepostati my identityidentitet,
370
1264878
4234
i ako budu njegov identitet postat će i moj
21:21
that that illnessbolest was going to take a very differentdrugačiji shapeoblik as it unfoldedodvijao.
371
1269112
4157
te će ta bolest poprimiti drugačiji oblik
kako vrijeme bude prolazilo.
21:25
We tookuzeo him to the MRIMRI machinemašina, we tookuzeo him to the CATMAČKA scannerskener,
372
1273269
3031
Odveli smo ga na magnetsku rezonancu i CT,
21:28
we tookuzeo this day-olddana-starih childdijete and gavedali him over for an arterialarterijske bloodkrv drawizvući.
373
1276300
3998
djete staro jedan dan smo odveli na vađenje krvi.
Osjećali smo se bespomoćno.
21:32
We feltosjećala helplessbespomoćni.
374
1280298
1194
21:33
And at the endkraj of fivepet hourssati,
375
1281492
1478
Pet sati kasnije
21:34
they said that his brainmozak was completelypotpuno clearčisto
376
1282970
2224
rekli su da mu je mozak potpuno čist
21:37
and that he was by then extendingproteže his legsnoge correctlyispravno.
377
1285194
3010
i da je počeo pružati noge kako treba.
21:40
And when I askedpitao the pediatricianpedijatar what had been going on,
378
1288204
2932
Kada sam upitao pedijatricu što je bilo,
21:43
she said she thought in the morningjutro he had probablyvjerojatno had a crampgrč.
379
1291136
4335
rekla mi je da je vjerojatno
imao grč u nozi.
21:47
(LaughterSmijeh)
380
1295471
3565
(Smijeh)
21:51
But I thought how my mothermajka was right.
381
1299036
7833
Pomislio sam kako mi je
majka bila u pravu.
21:58
I thought, the love you have for your childrendjeca
382
1306869
3495
Pomislio sam kako
ljubav prema svom djetetu
22:02
is unlikeza razliku od any other feelingosjećaj in the worldsvijet,
383
1310364
3330
nije usporediva s
nijednim drugim osjećajem
22:05
and untildo you have childrendjeca, you don't know what it feelsosjeća like.
384
1313694
6164
i dok nemate djecu, ne znate kako je to.
22:11
I think childrendjeca had ensnaredUhvati me
385
1319858
2321
Mislim da su me djeca uhvatila u zamku
22:14
the momenttrenutak I connectedpovezan fatherhoodočinstvo with lossgubitak.
386
1322179
3526
onaj trenutak kad sam
povezao očinstvo s gubitkom.
No nisam siguran da bih to primjetio
22:17
But I'm not sure I would have noticedprimijetio that
387
1325705
1932
22:19
if I hadn'tnije been so in the thickgust of this researchistraživanje projectprojekt of minerudnik.
388
1327637
5525
da nisam bio usred
svog istraživačkog projekta.
Susreo sam toliko neobične ljubavi
22:25
I'd encounterednaišao so much strangečudan love,
389
1333162
3232
22:28
and I fellpao very naturallyprirodno into its bewitchingmađijanje patternsobrasci.
390
1336394
3785
te sam se prirodno uklopio
u njen očaravajući obrazac.
Vidio sam kako sjaj može osvijetliti
čak i najbijednije ranjivosti.
22:32
And I saw how splendorsjaj can illuminateosvjetljavaju even the mostnajviše abjectpreziran vulnerabilitiesranjivosti.
391
1340179
6727
22:38
DuringTijekom these 10 yearsgodina, I had witnessedsvjedoci and learnednaučeno
392
1346906
3806
Tijekom tih deset godina
svjedočio sam i učio
o zastrašujućoj radosti
nepodnošljive odgovornosti
22:42
the terrifyingzastrašujući joyradost of unbearablenepodnošljiva responsibilityodgovornost,
393
1350712
3492
te sam spoznao kako pobjeđuje sve ostalo.
22:46
and I had come to see how it conquersosvaja everything elsedrugo.
394
1354204
3532
Iako sam ponekad mislio da su roditelji
koje sam intervjuirao budale
22:49
And while I had sometimesponekad thought the parentsroditelji I was interviewingintervjuiranje were foolsbudale,
395
1357736
4301
koje su se osudile na doživotno putovanje
s nezahvalnom djecom
22:54
enslavingporobiti themselvesse to a lifetime'sživotni vijek journeyputovanje with theirnjihov thanklessnezahvalan childrendjeca
396
1362037
4950
i koje pokušavaju
izroditi identitet iz jada,
22:58
and tryingtežak to breedvrsta identityidentitet out of miseryjad,
397
1366987
2949
shvatio sam da mi je moje istraživanje
izgradilo most
23:01
I realizedshvatio that day that my researchistraživanje had builtizgrađen me a plankdaska
398
1369936
4636
te da sam bio spreman pridružiti im se
na njihovom putovanju.
23:06
and that I was readyspreman to joinpridružiti them on theirnjihov shipbrod.
399
1374572
3414
Hvala vam.
23:09
Thank you.
400
1377986
1817
(Pljesak)
23:11
(ApplausePljesak)
401
1379803
5651
Translated by Dalibora Behmen
Reviewed by Senzos Osijek

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Andrew Solomon - Writer
Andrew Solomon writes about politics, culture and psychology.

Why you should listen

Andrew Solomon is a writer, lecturer and Professor of Clinical Psychology at Columbia University. He is president of PEN American Center. He writes regularly for The New Yorker and the New York Times.

Solomon's newest book, Far and Away: Reporting from the Brink of Change, Seven Continents, Twenty-Five Years was published in April, 2016. His previous book, Far From the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity won the National Book Critics Circle award for nonfiction, the Wellcome Prize and 22 other national awards. It tells the stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children but also find profound meaning in doing so. It was a New York Times bestseller in both hardcover and paperback editions. Solomon's previous book, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, won the 2001 National Book Award for Nonfiction, was a finalist for the 2002 Pulitzer Prize and was included in The Times of London's list of one hundred best books of the decade. It has been published in twenty-four languages. Solomon is also the author of the novel A Stone Boat and of The Irony Tower: Soviet Artists in a Time of Glasnost.

Solomon is an activist in LGBT rights, mental health, education and the arts. He is a member of the boards of directors of the National LGBTQ Force and Trans Youth Family Allies. He is a member of the Board of Visitors of Columbia University Medical Center, serves on the National Advisory Board of the Depression Center at the University of Michigan, is a director of Columbia Psychiatry and is a member of the Advisory Board of the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. Solomon also serves on the boards of the Metropolitan Museum of Art, Yaddo and The Alex Fund, which supports the education of Romani children. He is also a fellow of Berkeley College at Yale University and a member of the New York Institute for the Humanities and the Council on Foreign Relations.

Solomon lives with his husband and son in New York and London and is a dual national. He also has a daughter with a college friend; mother and daughter live in Texas but visit often.


More profile about the speaker
Andrew Solomon | Speaker | TED.com