TED2008
Jill Bolte Taylor: My stroke of insight
Jill Bolte Taylor: moždanim udarom do spoznaje
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Jill Bolte Taylor je dobila priliku za istraživanje kao rijetko koji neuroznanstvenik: doživjela je jači moždani udar i zatim promatrala kako se njene moždane funkcije - kretanje, govorenje, samosvijest - jedna po jedna gase. Zapanjujuća priča.
Jill Bolte Taylor - Neuroanatomist
Brain researcher Jill Bolte Taylor studied her own stroke as it happened -- and has become a powerful voice for brain recovery. Full bio
Brain researcher Jill Bolte Taylor studied her own stroke as it happened -- and has become a powerful voice for brain recovery. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:18
I grew up to study the brain
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Usmjerila sam se prema neuroznanosti
00:21
because I have a brother who has been diagnosed with a brain disorder:
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zato što imam brata kojemu su dijagnosticirali moždani poremećaj:
00:25
schizophrenia. And as a sister
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- šizofreniju. Kao sestra,
00:27
and later, as a scientist, I wanted to understand, why
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a kasnije i kao znanstvenica, željela sam razumjeti zašto
00:31
is it that I can take my dreams, I can connect
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ja vlastite snove mogu povezati
00:34
them to my reality, and I can make my dreams come true?
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s vlastitom stvarnošću, i tako ih mogu ostvariti.
00:37
What is it about my brother's brain and
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Što je to s mozgom moga brata i
00:41
his schizophrenia that he cannot connect his
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njegovom šizofrenijom da on ne može povezati svoje snove
00:44
dreams to a common and shared reality, so they
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sa svima poznatom i zajedničkom stvarnošću,
00:48
instead become delusion?
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već oni postaju halucinacije?
00:51
So I dedicated my career to research into the
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Zato sam svoju karijeru posvetila istraživanju
00:53
severe mental illnesses. And I moved from my home state
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teških mentalnih bolesti. Preselila sam se
00:56
of Indiana to Boston, where I was working in
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iz rodne Indiane u Boston, gdje sam radila
00:59
the lab of Dr. Francine Benes, in the Harvard
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u laboratoriju dr. Francine Benes,
01:02
Department of Psychiatry. And in the lab, we were asking the question,
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na odjelu psihijatrije na Harvardu. U laboratoriju smo se pitali:
01:08
"What are the biological differences between the brains of individuals
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"Po čemu se biološki razlikuje mozak osoba
01:13
who would be diagnosed as normal control,
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koje bismo dijagnosticirali kao normalnu kontrolnu skupinu
01:15
as compared with the brains of individuals diagnosed with
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u usporedbi s mozgom osoba koje bismo dijagnosticirali
01:18
schizophrenia, schizoaffective or bipolar disorder?"
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da imaju šizofreni, šizo-afektivni ili bipolarni poremećaj?"
01:23
So we were essentially mapping the microcircuitry
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Mi smo u biti mapirali mikro krugove mozga:
01:26
of the brain: which cells are communicating with
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koje ćelije komuniciraju s kojima,
01:29
which cells, with which chemicals, and then in
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pomoću kojih kemikalija i zatim
01:32
what quantities of those chemicals?
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u kojim količinama tih kemikalija?
01:35
So there was a lot of meaning in my life because I was performing
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Moj je život bio ispunjen smislom,
01:39
this type of research during the day.
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jer sam cijele dane izvodila ta istraživanja.
01:42
But then in the evenings and on the weekends,
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No navečer ili vikendom, putovala sam kao
01:45
I traveled as an advocate for NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness.
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predstavnik udruge NAMI (Nacionalnog saveza za mentalne bolesti).
01:50
But on the morning of December 10, 1996, I woke up
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Ali u jutro 10. prosinca 1996. probudila sam se
01:53
to discover that I had a brain disorder of my own.
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i otkrila da i sama imam moždani poremećaj.
01:57
A blood vessel exploded in the left half of my brain.
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Eksplodirala je krvna žila u lijevoj polutki moga mozga.
02:01
And in the course of four hours,
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Tijekom iduća četiri sata,
02:03
I watched my brain completely deteriorate in its ability to
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promatrala sam kako moj mozak potpuno gubi sposobnost
02:08
process all information. On the morning of the hemorrhage,
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obrade informacija. Tog jutra kada se desilo krvarenje,
02:12
I could not walk, talk, read, write or recall any of my life.
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nisam mogla hodati, govoriti, čitati, pisati ili se prisjetiti bilo čega iz svog života.
02:18
I essentially became an infant in a woman's body.
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U suštini, postala sam novorođenče u tijelu žene.
02:23
If you've ever seen a human brain,
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Ako ste ikada vidjeli ljudski mozak, očigledno je
02:26
it's obvious that the two hemispheres are completely separate from one another.
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da su dvije polutke mozga potpuno odvojene jedna od druge.
02:29
And I have brought for you a real human brain.
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A ja sam vam donijela pravi ljudski mozak.
02:38
So this is a real human brain.
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Ovo je, dakle, pravi ljudski mozak.
02:46
This is the front of the brain,
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Ovo je prednja strana mozga,
02:48
the back of brain with the spinal cord hanging down,
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a ovo stražnja s leđnom moždinom koja visi,
02:52
and this is how it would be positioned inside of my head.
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a ovako bi bio položen u mojoj glavi.
02:56
And when you look at the brain, it's obvious that
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I kada ga dobro pogledate, očigledno je
02:58
the two cerebral cortices are completely separate from one another.
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da su dvije moždane polutke potpuno odvojene jedna od druge.
03:04
For those of you who understand computers,
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Oni među vama koji razumiju kompjutere,
03:06
our right hemisphere functions like a parallel processor,
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naša desna polutka radi kao paralelni procesor,
03:09
while our left hemisphere functions like a serial processor.
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a lijeva kao serijski procesor.
03:13
The two hemispheres do communicate with one another
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Dvije polutke ipak međusobno komuniciraju
03:16
through the corpus collosum,
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kroz corpus collosum,
03:18
which is made up of some 300 million axonal fibers.
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kojeg čini nekih 300 miliona izduženih živčanih vlakana.
03:22
But other than that,
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No, osim te veze,
03:24
the two hemispheres are completely separate.
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dvije su polutke potpuno zasebne.
03:28
Because they process information differently,
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Zato što informacije obrađuju na drukčije načine,
03:31
each of our hemispheres think about different things,
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svaka naša polutka misli o različitim stvarima,
03:34
they care about different things, and, dare I say,
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one brinu o različitim stvarima i, usuđujem se reći,
03:38
they have very different personalities.
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imaju drugačije osobnosti.
03:43
Excuse me. Thank you. It's been a joy. Assistant: It has been.
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Oprostite... Hvala... bilo mi je zadovoljstvo. - I meni.
03:51
Our right human hemisphere is all about this present moment.
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Naša desna polutka sasvim je u sadašnjem trenutku.
03:55
It's all about "right here, right now."
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Sve je na temu "upravo ovdje, upravo sada."
04:00
Our right hemisphere, it thinks in pictures
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Naša desna polutka razmišlja u slikama,
04:03
and it learns kinesthetically through the movement of our bodies.
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i uči kinestetički kroz pokrete našeg tijela.
04:07
Information, in the form of energy, streams in simultaneously
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Informacije, u obliku energije, utječu istovremeno
04:12
through all of our sensory systems
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kroz sva naša osjetila
04:14
and then it explodes into this enormous collage
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i onda eksplodiraju u ogromni kolaž
04:17
of what this present moment looks like,
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onoga kako sadašnji trenutak izgleda,
04:21
what this present moment smells like and tastes like,
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kako sadašnji trenutak miriši i kakav mu je okus,
04:24
what it feels like and what it sounds like.
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kako ga osjećamo i kako zvuči.
04:29
I am an energy-being connected to the energy all around me
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Ja sam energetsko biće, povezano s energijom svuda oko mene
04:34
through the consciousness of my right hemisphere.
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kroz svjesnost moje desne polutke.
04:37
We are energy-beings connected to one another
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Mi smo energetska bića međusobno povezana
04:41
through the consciousness of our right hemispheres as one human family.
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svjesnošću naše desne polutke u jednu veliku ljudsku obitelj.
04:47
And right here,
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I upravo ovdje
04:49
right now, we are brothers and sisters on this planet,
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i upravo sada, mi smo braća i sestre na ovom planetu,
04:51
here to make the world a better place.
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ovdje smo da svijet učinimo boljim.
04:55
And in this moment we are perfect, we are whole and we are beautiful.
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I baš u ovom trenutku smo savršeni, cjeloviti i prekrasni.
05:02
My left hemisphere -- our left hemisphere -- is a very different place.
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Moja lijeva polutka - naša lijeva polutka - je bitno drugačija.
05:07
Our left hemisphere thinks linearly and methodically.
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Naša lijeva polutka misli linearno i metodično.
05:11
Our left hemisphere
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Naša lijeva polutka
05:13
is all about the past and it's all about the future.
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se bavi prošlošću i budućnošću.
05:17
Our left hemisphere is designed to take that
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Naša lijeva polutka oblikovana je tako da
05:20
enormous collage of the present moment and start
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iz tog ogromnog kolaža sadašnjeg trenutka
05:23
picking out details, details and more details about those details.
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izdvoji detalje, još detalja i još više detalja o tim detaljima.
05:27
It then categorizes and
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I onda ih kategorizira i
05:29
organizes all that information, associates it
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posloži sve te informacije, povezuje ih sa
05:33
with everything in the past we've ever learned, and
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svime što smo u prošlosti naučili
05:36
projects into the future all of our possibilities.
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i projicira sve naše mogućnosti u budućnost.
05:40
And our left hemisphere thinks in language.
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Naša lijeva polutka razmišlja jezikom.
05:44
It's that ongoing brain chatter that connects me and my
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To je ono neprekidno brbljanje koje povezuje mene
05:47
internal world to my external world.
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i moj unutarnji s mojim vanjskim svijetom.
05:51
It's that little voice that says to me, "Hey, you gotta remember
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To je onaj glasić koji mi kaže: "Hej, moraš se sjetiti
05:55
to pick up bananas on your way home.
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kupiti banane na povratku kući.
05:58
I need them in the morning."
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Trebam ih ujutro."
05:59
It's that calculating intelligence that reminds me
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To je ona proračunata inteligencija koja me podsjeća
06:02
when I have to do my laundry. But perhaps most important,
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kada trebam oprati rublje. Što je možda najvažnije,
06:05
it's that little voice that says to me,
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to je onaj glasić koji mi govori,
06:09
"I am. I am." And as soon as my left hemisphere says to me "I am,"
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"Ja jesam. Ja jesam." Čim mi moja lijeva polutka
06:15
I become separate.
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kaže "Ja jesam", ja se odvojim.
06:18
I become a single solid individual, separate from the energy flow
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Postajem zasebna, čvrsta jedinka, odvojena
06:22
around me and separate from you.
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od toka energije oko mene i odvojena od vas.
06:25
And this was the portion of my brain that I lost
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I to je bio dio mozga koji sam izgubila
06:28
on the morning of my stroke.
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tog jutra kada sam doživjela moždani udar.
06:30
On the morning of the stroke, I woke up to a
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Toga jutra kada me pogodio moždani udar, probudila me
06:34
pounding pain behind my left eye. And it was the kind of pain --
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pulsirajuća bol iza lijevog oka. To je bila ona vrsta boli -
06:39
caustic pain -- that you get when you
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oštre boli - koju osjetite kada
06:41
bite into ice cream. And it just gripped me --
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zagrizete u sladoled. Zgrabila me -
06:45
and then it released me. And then it just gripped me --
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i onda me pustila. I onda me ponovo zgrabila -
06:49
and then it released me. And it was very unusual
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i onda me opet pustila. Za mene je vrlo neuobičajeno
06:52
for me to ever experience any kind of pain,
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da me bilo što boli,
06:55
so I thought, "OK, I'll just start my normal routine."
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pa sam pomislila: u redu, idem sve raditi kao i inače.
06:57
So I got up and I jumped onto my cardio glider,
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Pa sam ustala i skočila na spravu za vježbanje.
07:00
which is a full-body, full-exercise machine.
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To je stroj za vježbanje cijelog tijela.
07:03
And I'm jamming away on this thing, and I'm realizing
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I tako ja guslam po toj spravi, i shvaćam
07:08
that my hands look like primitive claws grasping
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da moje ruke izgledaju kao primitivne kandže
07:12
onto the bar. And I thought, "That's very peculiar."
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koje su zgrabile ručku. I mislim si: "To je baš čudno."
07:15
And I looked down at my body and I thought, "Whoa,
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A onda pogledam dolje, svoje tijelo i pomislim:
07:18
I'm a weird-looking thing." And it was as though
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"Uf, ja baš čudno izgledam." Kao da
07:21
my consciousness had shifted away from my normal
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se moja svijest odvojila od moje normalne percepcije stvarnosti,
07:24
perception of reality, where I'm the person on the
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u kojoj sam osoba na spravi koja nešto doživljava,
07:27
machine having the experience, to some esoteric space
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i ušla u neki ezoterični prostor
07:30
where I'm witnessing myself having this experience.
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u kojem gledam na samu sebe kako nešto doživljavam.
07:35
And it was all very peculiar, and my headache was
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Sve je to bilo vrlo čudno, a i moja je glavobolja
07:37
just getting worse. So I get off the machine,
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postajala sve jača. I tako siđem sa sprave
07:39
and I'm walking across my living room floor, and I
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i hodam kroz dnevnu sobu
07:42
realize that everything inside of my body has
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i shvatim da se sve u mome tijelu
07:44
slowed way down. And every step is very rigid and
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jako usporilo. I svaki je korak vrlo krut
07:49
very deliberate. There's no fluidity to my pace,
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i vrlo promišljen. Nema glatkoće u mojim pokretima
07:52
and there's this constriction in my area of perceptions,
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i da postoji neko ograničenje za moju prostornu percepciju
07:55
so I'm just focused on internal systems.
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pa sam usmjerena samo na svoje unutarnje sustave.
07:59
And I'm standing in my bathroom getting ready to
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I dok stojim u kupaonici pripremajući se
08:01
step into the shower, and I could actually hear the
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zakoračiti u tuš, mogla sam zapravo čuti dijalog
08:03
dialogue inside of my body. I heard a little voice
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unutar moga tijela. Čula sam glasić kako kaže:
08:06
saying, "OK. You muscles, you gotta contract.
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"Dobro. Vi tamo, mišići, morate se stegnuti,
08:09
You muscles, you relax."
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a vi ovdje morate se opustiti."
08:10
And then I lost my balance, and I'm propped up against the wall.
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I zatim sam izgubila ravnotežu i naslonila se na zid.
08:13
And I look down at my arm and I realize
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Pogledam dolje svoju ruku, i shvatim
08:17
that I can no longer define the boundaries of my body.
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da više ne mogu odrediti granice svoga tijela.
08:21
I can't define where I begin and where I end,
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Ne mogu odrediti gdje počinjem, a gdje završavam,
08:25
because the atoms and the molecules of my arm
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jer se atomi i molekule moje ruke
08:28
blended with the atoms and molecules of the wall.
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stapaju s atomima i molekulama zida.
08:32
And all I could detect was this energy -- energy.
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Jedino što sam mogla percipirati je ta energija... energija.
08:36
And I'm asking myself, "What is wrong with me?
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Pitam se: "Što ne valja sa mnom?
08:38
What is going on?" And in that moment, my brain chatter --
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Što se to dešava?" I u tom trenutku, moje brbljanje mozga -
08:42
my left hemisphere brain chatter -- went totally silent.
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brbljanje moje lijeve polutke - potpuno je utihnulo.
08:45
Just like someone took a remote control
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Kao da je netko uzeo daljinski
08:48
and pushed the mute button. Total silence.
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i pritisno gumb za isključivanje zvuka. Potpuna tišina.
08:51
And at first I was shocked to find myself
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U prvom sam trenutku bila šokirana
08:54
inside of a silent mind. But then I was immediately
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kad sam se našla u mom utihlom umu.
08:58
captivated by the magnificence of the energy around me.
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Ali odmah me obuzela veličanstvenost energije oko mene.
09:02
And because I could no longer identify
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A kako više nisam mogla odrediti
09:06
the boundaries of my body, I felt enormous and expansive.
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granice svog tijela, osjetila sam da sam ogromna i da se širim.
09:09
I felt at one with all the energy that was,
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Osjetila sam se jedno sa svom postojećom energijom i
09:13
and it was beautiful there.
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to je bilo predivno.
09:16
Then all of a sudden my left hemisphere comes back
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Tada se odjednom moja lijeva polutka ponovo uključi
09:18
online, and it says to me, "Hey! We got a problem!
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i kaže mi: "Hej! Imamo problem!
09:21
We got a problem! We gotta get some help."
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Imamo problem! Trebamo pozvati pomoć!"
09:23
And I'm going, "Ahh! I got a problem.
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A ja kažem, "Aaa! Ja imam problem!
09:25
I got a problem." So it's like, "OK. OK. I got a problem."
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Ja imam problem!" A onda: "Dobro. Dobro. Ja imam problem.“
09:28
But then I immediately drifted right back
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No, onda sam opet odmah otplutala
09:31
out into the consciousness -- and I affectionately
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u svjesnost - ja od milja
09:34
refer to this space as La La Land.
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taj prostor zovem zemlja La La.
09:38
But it was beautiful there. Imagine what it would
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Ali tamo je bilo predivno. Zamislite kako bi to bilo
09:40
be like to be totally disconnected from your brain
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biti potpuno odvojen od brbljanja lijevog mozga
09:43
chatter that connects you to the external world.
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koji vas povezuje s vanjskim svijetom.
09:46
So here I am in this space, and my job -- and any
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Eto tu sam, u tom prostoru, a moj posao -
09:49
stress related to my job -- it was gone.
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i sav stres povezan s mojim poslom - nestali su.
09:52
And I felt lighter in my body. And imagine
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I osjetila sam se lakšom u svome tijelu. I zamislite,
09:55
all of the relationships in the external world and any
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da svi odnosi u izvanjskom svijetu
09:59
stressors related to any of those -- they were gone.
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i svi stresovi u vezi s njima, da sve to nestane.
10:02
And I felt this sense of peacefulness.
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Imala sam taj osjećaj pomirenosti.
10:07
And imagine what it would feel like to lose 37 years of emotional baggage!
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I zamislite kakav je osjećaj izgubiti 37 godina emotivne prtljage!
10:12
(Laughter) Oh! I felt euphoria --
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(smijeh) Osjećala sam euforiju!
10:18
euphoria. It was beautiful.
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Euforiju! Bilo je prekrasno tamo!
10:21
And then, again, my left hemisphere comes online and it says,
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A onda se opet uključi moja lijeva polutka i kaže:
10:23
"Hey! You've got to pay attention.
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"Hej! Obrati pažnju!
10:25
We've got to get help." And I'm thinking, "I got to get help.
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Moramo pozvati pomoć!" I ja si mislim: "Moram pozvati pomoć.
10:27
I gotta focus."
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Moram se usredotočiti."
10:29
So I get out of the shower and I mechanically
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Pa izađem iz tuša, mehanički se odjenem,
10:31
dress and I'm walking around my apartment,
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pa krenem stanom i mislim:
10:33
and I'm thinking, "I gotta get to work. I gotta get to work.
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"Moram otići na posao. Moram otići na posao.
10:35
Can I drive? Can I drive?"
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Mogu li voziti? Mogu li voziti?"
10:38
And in that moment my right arm went totally
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I u tom trenutku desna ruka pala mi je uz tijelo
10:40
paralyzed by my side. Then I realized,
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potpuno paralizirana. A onda sam shvatila:
10:43
"Oh my gosh! I'm having a stroke! I'm having a stroke!"
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"Pa zaboga! Imam moždani udar! Imam moždani udar!"
10:46
And the next thing my brain says to me is, "Wow!
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I prvo što mi je mozak rekao bilo je:
10:49
This is so cool." (Laughter) "This is so cool!
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"Hej, pa to je super." (smijeh) "To je baš super!
10:55
How many brain scientists have the opportunity
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Koliko neuroznanstvenika ima priliku
10:57
to study their own brain from the inside out?"
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izučavati svoj vlastiti mozak izravnim iskustvom?"
11:00
(Laughter)
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(smijeh)
11:02
And then it crosses my mind, "But I'm a very busy woman!"
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I onda sam se prisjetila: "Ali ja imam jako puno posla!"
11:06
(Laughter) "I don't have time for a stroke!"
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(smijeh) "Ja nemam vremena za moždani udar!"
11:09
So I'm like, "OK, I can't stop the stroke from happening,
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Onda si mislim: "U redu. Ne mogu spriječiti udar,
11:11
so I'll do this for a week or two, and
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pa ću se njime baviti tjedan ili dva,
11:14
then I'll get back to my routine. OK.
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a onda natrag na posao. U redu.
11:16
So I gotta call help. I gotta call work."
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Dakle, moram pozvati pomoć. Moram nazvati nekog na poslu."
11:18
I couldn't remember the number at work,
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Nisam se mogla sjetiti telefonskog broja na poslu,
11:20
so I remembered, in my office I had a business card
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ali sam se sjetila da u radnoj sobi imam posjetnicu
11:22
with my number on it. So I go into my business room,
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na kojoj piše moj broj. I odem ja u svoju radnu sobu.
11:25
I pull out a three-inch stack of business cards.
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Izvučem hrpu posjetnica.
11:28
And I'm looking at the card on top and even though
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I pogledam posjetnicu na vrhu
11:31
I could see clearly in my mind's eye what my business card looked like,
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i iako u svom umu jasno vidim kako izgleda moja posjetnica,
11:35
I couldn't tell if this
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ne mogu prepoznati je li to moja posjetnica,
11:37
was my card or not, because all I could see were pixels.
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jer sve što vidim su točkice.
11:40
And the pixels of the words blended
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A točkice riječi su stopljene
11:42
with the pixels of the background and the pixels of the symbols,
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s točkicama pozadine i točkicama simbola
11:45
and I just couldn't tell.
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i jednostavno ih ne raspoznajem.
11:47
And then I would wait for what I call a wave of clarity.
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I onda sam čekala na ono što zovem val jasnoće.
11:50
And in that moment, I would be able to
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U tom bih trenutku ponovno bila spojena
11:53
reattach to normal reality and I could tell
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sa svojom stvarnošću i mogla bih
11:56
that's not the card ... that's not the card ... that's not the card.
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prepoznati svoju posjetnicu… nije ova… nije ova…
11:58
It took me 45 minutes to get one inch down
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Trebalo mi je 45 minuta
12:02
inside of that stack of cards.
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da prelistam dvadesetak posjetnica.
12:05
In the meantime, for 45 minutes, the hemorrhage is
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U međuvremenu, u tih 45 minuta, krvarenje
12:07
getting bigger in my left hemisphere.
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u mojoj lijevoj polutci postaje sve veće.
12:09
I do not understand numbers, I do not understand the telephone,
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Više ne razumijem brojeve. Ne razumijem ni telefon,
12:12
but it's the only plan I have.
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no to je jedini plan koji imam.
12:14
So I take the phone pad and I put it right here. I take the business card,
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Uzmem telefon pred sebe. Uzmem posjetnicu,
12:17
I put it right here, and
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stavim je ovako i pokušavam usporediti
12:19
I'm matching the shape of the squiggles on the card
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oblik črčki na posjetnici
12:23
to the shape of the squiggles on the phone pad.
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s oblikom črčki na telefonu.
12:26
But then I would drift back out into La La Land,
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Ali onda opet otplutam u zemlju La La,
12:29
and not remember when I came back if I'd already
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a kad se vratim, više se ne sjećam
12:32
dialed those numbers.
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jesam li otipkala broj ili nisam.
12:33
So I had to wield my paralyzed arm like a stump
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Morala sam pomicati svoju paraliziranu rukom koja je bila poput klade
12:37
and cover the numbers as I went along and pushed
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i pokrivati brojeve kako sam ih tipkala.
12:40
them, so that as I would come back to normal
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Tako da bi, kad bih se vratila u stvarnost,
12:43
reality, I'd be able to tell, "Yes, I've already dialed that number."
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znala "Da, tu znamenku sam već otipkala."
12:48
Eventually, the whole number gets dialed
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Konačno, sve su znamenke otipkane
12:50
and I'm listening to the phone, and
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i ja prinesem slušalicu,
12:52
my colleague picks up the phone and he says to me,
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a moj kolega s druge strane kaže mi:
12:56
"Woo woo woo woo." (Laughter) And I think to myself,
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"Vu vu vuu vuu vuu." (smijeh) A ja si pomislim:
13:01
"Oh my gosh, he sounds like a Golden Retriever!"
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"Zaboga, pa on zvuči kao zlatni retriver!"
13:08
And so I say to him -- clear in my mind, I say to him:
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I ja mu kažem - u mome umu ja mu potpuno jasno kažem:
13:10
"This is Jill! I need help!"
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"Ovdje Jill! Trebam pomoć!"
13:13
And what comes out of my voice is, "Woo woo woo woo woo."
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A iz mene izlazi: "Vu vu vuu vuu vuu."
13:16
I'm thinking, "Oh my gosh, I sound like a Golden Retriever."
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I pomislim: "Zaboga, pa i ja zvučim kao zlatni retriver."
13:18
So I couldn't know -- I didn't know that
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Dakle, nisam znala, nisam mogla znati
13:21
I couldn't speak or understand language until I tried.
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da ne mogu govoriti ni razumjeti jezik, dok nisam probala.
13:24
So he recognizes that I need help and he gets me help.
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On je, dakle, shvatio da mi treba pomoć i pozvao ju je.
13:27
And a little while later, I am riding in an
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Malo kasnije, hitna me pomoć vozi
13:31
ambulance from one hospital across Boston to [Massachusetts] General Hospital.
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iz jedne bolnice u Bostonu u drugu,
13:35
And I curl up into a little fetal ball.
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a ja sam se sklupčala
13:37
And just like a balloon with the last bit of air,
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u malo fetalno klupko. I... baš poput balona s posljednjim tragovima zraka,
13:44
just, just right out of the balloon,
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iznenada osjetim kako moja energija nestaje -
13:47
I just felt my energy lift and just -- I felt my spirit surrender.
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i osjećam kako se moj duh predaje.
13:51
And in that moment, I knew that I
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U tom trenutku mi je postalo jasno
13:57
was no longer the choreographer of my life.
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da više nisam koreograf svog života.
14:00
And either the doctors rescue my body and give me a
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Ili će liječnici spasiti moje tijelo
14:03
second chance at life, or this was perhaps
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i dati mi drugu šansu
14:06
my moment of transition.
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ili je ovo možda moj trenutak prelaska.
14:13
When I woke later that afternoon, I was shocked
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Kad sam se probudila kasnije tog popodneva,
14:17
to discover that I was still alive. When I felt my spirit surrender,
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šokirala me spoznaja da sam još živa.
14:22
I said goodbye to my life.
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Kad sam osjetila da se moj duh predao, oprostila sam se od života.
14:25
And my mind was now suspended between two very
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Moj je um sada bio razapet između dvije
14:29
opposite planes of reality. Stimulation coming in
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vrlo različite razine stvarnosti. Podražaji
14:33
through my sensory systems felt like pure pain.
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koji su dolazili kroz moja osjetila bili su čista bol.
14:37
Light burned my brain like wildfire, and sounds
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Svjetlo mi je palilo mozak poput šumskog požara,
14:41
were so loud and chaotic that I could not pick a
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zvukovi su bili tako glasni i kaotični da nisam mogla
14:45
voice out from the background noise,
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razlikovati glas od pozadinske buke.
14:49
and I just wanted to escape. Because I could not identify the
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Samo sam htjela pobjeći. S obzirom da nisam mogla definirati
14:53
position of my body in space, I felt enormous and expansive,
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položaj svog tijela u prostoru, osjećala sam se ogromnom i u širenju,
14:58
like a genie just liberated from her bottle.
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poput duha puštenog iz boce.
15:03
And my spirit soared free, like a great whale
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A moj je duh jurio slobodan, poput velikog kita
15:08
gliding through the sea of silent euphoria.
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koji klizi morem tihe euforije.
15:14
Nirvana. I found Nirvana. And I remember thinking,
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Nirvana. Našla sam nirvanu. I sjećam se kako sam mislila
15:22
there's no way I would ever be able to squeeze
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da nikad više neću moći ugurati
15:25
the enormousness of myself back inside this tiny little body.
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tu svoju ogromnost natrag u to sićušno tijelo.
15:32
But then I realized, "But I'm still alive! I'm still alive,
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Ali sam shvatila "Ali još sam živa! Još sam živa
15:36
and I have found Nirvana. And if I have
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i našla sam nirvanu." A ako sam ja našla nirvanu,
15:40
found Nirvana and I'm still alive, then everyone
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i još sam živa, onda svatko
15:43
who is alive can find Nirvana." And I pictured a world
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tko je živ također može naći nirvanu. I zamislila sam
15:50
filled with beautiful, peaceful, compassionate,
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svijet pun prelijepih, smirenih, suosjećajnih, dragih ljudi
15:54
loving people who knew that they could come to
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koji znaju da mogu doći u taj prostor kad god požele.
15:57
this space at any time. And that they could
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I da mogu namjerno i svjesno
16:01
purposely choose to step to the right of their
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odlučiti ući u desnu polutku
16:05
left hemispheres and find this peace. And then
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i pronaći ovaj mir.
16:10
I realized what a tremendous gift this experience
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A onda sam shvatila kakav bi ogroman dar
16:14
could be, what a stroke of insight this could be
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ovo iskustvo moglo biti, što bi ovaj uvid mogao značiti
16:19
to how we live our lives. And it motivated me to recover.
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za to kako živimo svoje živote. To me je motiviralo da se oporavim.
16:28
Two and a half weeks after the hemorrhage, the
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Dva i pol tjedna poslije krvarenja,
16:31
surgeons went in and they removed a blood clot
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kirurzi su uklonili ugrušak krvi
16:33
the size of a golf ball that was pushing on my language centers.
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veličine loptice za golf koji je pritiskao moje jezične centre.
16:36
Here I am with my mama,
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Ovdje sam s mojom mamom, koja je pravi anđeo mog života.
16:38
who is a true angel in my life. It took me eight years to completely recover.
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Trebalo mi je osam godina da se potpuno oporavim.
16:47
So who are we? We are the life-force power of the universe,
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Dakle, tko smo mi? Mi smo životna sila svemira
16:52
with manual dexterity and two cognitive minds.
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sa spretnim rukama i dva spoznajna uma.
16:57
And we have the power to choose, moment by moment,
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I imamo moć odabira, u svakom trenutku,
17:01
who and how we want to be in the world.
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tko i kako želimo biti na ovome svijetu.
17:06
Right here, right now, I can step into the
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Upravo ovdje i upravo sada, ja mogu ući
17:08
consciousness of my right hemisphere, where we are.
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u svijest svoje desne polutke, u kojoj jesmo.
17:12
I am the life-force power of the universe.
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Ja sam životna sila svemira.
17:16
I am the life-force power of the 50 trillion beautiful
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Ja sam životna sila 50 triliona prelijepih
17:19
molecular geniuses that make up my form, at one with all that is.
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molekularnih genija koji čine moje obličje, jedno sa svime što jest.
17:25
Or, I can choose to step into the consciousness of
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Ili, mogu odlučiti da stupim u svijest
17:28
my left hemisphere, where I become a single individual,
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moje lijeve polutke gdje ću postati odvojena jedinka,
17:32
a solid. Separate from the flow,
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čvrsto tijelo. Odvojena od toka,
17:36
separate from you. I am Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor:
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odvojena od vas. Ja sam dr. Jill Bolte Taylor:
17:39
intellectual, neuroanatomist. These are the "we" inside of me.
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intelektualka i neuroanatomistica. To su ta "jastva" u meni.
17:50
Which would you choose? Which do you choose? And when?
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Koje biste vi odabrali? Koje ćete odabrati? I kada?
17:59
I believe that the more time we spend
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Vjerujem da što više vremena voljno provodimo
18:03
choosing to run the deep inner-peace circuitry
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u duboko smirenim unutarnjim krugovima
18:06
of our right hemispheres, the more peace we will
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desne polutke, više ćemo mira
18:09
project into the world, and the more peaceful our planet will be.
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projicirati u svijet i naš će planet biti mirniji.
18:13
And I thought that was an idea worth spreading.
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Pomislila sam da je to "ideja vrijedna širenja".
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Jill Bolte Taylor - NeuroanatomistBrain researcher Jill Bolte Taylor studied her own stroke as it happened -- and has become a powerful voice for brain recovery.
Why you should listen
One morning, a blood vessel in Jill Bolte Taylor's brain exploded. As a brain scientist, she realized she had a ringside seat to her own stroke. She watched as her brain functions shut down one by one: motion, speech, memory, self-awareness ...
Amazed to find herself alive, Taylor spent eight years recovering her ability to think, walk and talk. She has become a spokesperson for stroke recovery and for the possibility of coming back from brain injury stronger than before. In her case, although the stroke damaged the left side of her brain, her recovery unleashed a torrent of creative energy from her right. From her home base in Indiana, she now travels the country on behalf of the Harvard Brain Bank as the "Singin' Scientist."
Jill Bolte Taylor | Speaker | TED.com