ABOUT THE SPEAKER
James Veitch - Comedian and writer
For James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game.

Why you should listen

Packed full of Nigerian princes, can't miss investment opportunities and eligible Russian brides, James Veitch's correspondence with email spammers leads to surprising, bizarre and usually hilarious results. Out of this experiment came his first book, Dot Con. In 2014, his first solo comedy show The Fundamental Interconnectedness of Everyone with an Internet Connection, premiered at the Edinburgh Fringe to wide acclaim. His second show, Genius Bar, focussed on his time working for Apple, chronicles his attempts to fix his relationship using the same troubleshooting techniques he’d been using to fix iMacs, iPhones and iPods. He is currently writing his third show and preparing to tour the UK. 

He lives in London with his full body pillow.

More profile about the speaker
James Veitch | Speaker | TED.com
TEDGlobal>Geneva

James Veitch: This is what happens when you reply to spam email

James Veitch: Inilah yang berlaku bila anda balas emel penipuan

Filmed:
55,851,315 views

Email yang sangsi: bon insuran tidak dituntut, peti deposit keselamatan bertatah belian, rakan rapat terkandas di negara asing. Emel ini muncul dalam peti masuk kita dan prosedur biasa adalah memadamkannya. Namun apa yang berlaku jika anda balas? Ikuti penulis dan pelawak James Veitch menceritakan perbualan melucukan selama berminggu-minggu bersama penipu yang menawarkan ganjaran atas urusjanji yang menarik.
- Comedian and writer
For James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:12
A fewbeberapa yearstahun agosebelum ini,
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Beberapa tahun lepas
00:13
I got one of those spamspam emailse-mel.
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saya menerima emel spam
00:17
And it manageddiuruskan
to get throughmelalui my spamspam filterpenapis.
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dan ia berjaya melepasi penapis spam
00:19
I'm not quiteagak sure how,
but it turnedberpaling up in my inboxpeti masuk,
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saya tak pasti, tapi ia muncul
dalam peti masuk saya
00:22
and it was from a guy
calleddipanggil SolomonNabi Sulaiman OdonkohOdonkoh.
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dan daripada seorang lelaki
bernama Solomon Odonkoh
00:24
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
00:26
I know.
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Saya tahu.
00:27
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
00:28
It wentpergi like this:
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Begini kandungannya:
" Hello James Veitch,
00:29
it said, "HelloHello JamesJames VeitchVeitch,
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00:31
I have an interestingmenarik businessperniagaan proposalcadangan
I want to shareberkongsi with you, SolomonNabi Sulaiman."
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Saya ada cadangan perniagaan menarik
untuk berkongsi dengan anda, Solomon."
00:36
Now, my handtangan was kindjenis of hoveringberlegar
on the deletepadam buttonbutang, right?
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Sekarang, tangan saya berlegar
di butang padam.
00:39
I was looking at my phonetelefon.
I thought, I could just deletepadam this.
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Saya merenung telefon dan fikir,
boleh saja saya padam.
00:42
Or I could do what I think
we'vekami sudah all always wanted to do.
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Atau saya boleh buat
perkara kita selalu teringin buat.
00:46
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
00:50
And I said, "SolomonNabi Sulaiman,
Your emaile-mel intrigueskomplot me."
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Saya balas, "Solomon, emel
awak tarik perhatian saya."
00:52
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
00:55
(ApplauseTepukan)
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(Tepukan)
01:00
And the gamepermainan was afootdirangka.
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Bermulalah permainan ini.
01:05
He said, "DearDear JamesJames VeitchVeitch,
We shallhendaklah be shippingpenghantaran GoldEmas to you."
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Dia berkata,"James Veitch, kami akan
menghantar Emas kepada anda."
01:08
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
01:10
"You will earnmendapat 10%
of any goldemas you distributesmengedarkan."
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"Awak akan menerima 10%
dari emas yang anda edarkan."
01:13
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
01:15
So I knewtahu I was dealingberurusan
with a professionalprofesional.
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Saya tahu saya berurusan
dengan pakar.
01:17
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
01:22
I said, "How much is it worthbernilai?"
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Saya bertanya, "Berapakah nilainya?"
01:25
He said, "We will startmulakan
with smallerlebih kecil quantitykuantiti," --
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Dia menjawab, "Kita bermula dengan
kuantiti lebih kecil," --
01:27
I was like, awwAww --
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Saya berasa kecewa
01:28
and then he said, "of 25 kgsKGS.
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kemudian dia sambung," 25 kg.
01:31
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
01:34
The worthbernilai should be about $2.5 millionjuta."
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Nilainya dianggarkan $2.5 juta."
01:39
I said, "SolomonNabi Sulaiman, if we're
going to do it, let's go bigbesar.
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Saya kata, "Solomon,jika kita
berkerjasama, buatlah besar-besaran.
01:42
(ApplauseTepukan)
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(Tepukan)
01:50
I can handlemengendalikan it.
How much goldemas do you have?"
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Saya boleh menguruskannya.
Berapa banyak emas yang kamu ada?"
01:54
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
01:57
He said, "It is not a matterperkara
of how much goldemas I have,
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Dia berkata, "Ini bukan tentang
jumlah emas saya miliki,
02:00
what mattersperkara-perkara is
your capabilitykeupayaan of handlingpengendalian.
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yang penting ialah
kemampuan awak uruskannya.
02:02
We can startmulakan with 50 kgsKGS
as trialpercubaan shipmentpenghantaran."
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Kita boleh mula 50 kg
sebagai percubaan."
02:04
I said, "50 kgsKGS?
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Saya bertanya, "Hanya 50 kg?
02:06
There's no pointtitik doing this at all
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Baik tak payah buat
02:08
unlessmelainkan jika you're shippingpenghantaran
at leastpaling kurang a metricmetrik tonTan."
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kecuali hantar paling
kurang satu metrik tan."
02:10
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
02:11
(ApplauseTepukan)
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(Tepukan)
02:15
He said, "What do you do for a livinghidup?"
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Dia bertanya, "Apa pekerjaan awak?"
02:17
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
02:20
I said, "I'm a hedgelindung nilai funddana
executiveeksekutif bankbank managerpengurus."
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Saya menjawab, "Saya pengurus bank
dana lindung nilai."
02:22
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
02:27
This isn't the first time
I've shippeddihantar bulliondiniagakan, my friendkawan,
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Ini bukan kali pertama saya kirim
jongkong emas, kawan,
02:29
no no no.
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tidak, tidak, tidak.
02:32
Then I startedbermula to panicpanik.
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Kemudian saya mula cemas.
02:34
I was like, "Where are you basedberasaskan?"
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"Di mana pengkalannya?"
02:35
I don't know about you,
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Saya tak kenal awak,
02:37
but I think if we're going
viamelalui the postalpos serviceperkhidmatan,
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tetapi jika kita memilih
perkhidmatan pos,
02:39
it oughtsepatutnya to be signedditandatangani for.
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ia perlu ditandatangani.
02:40
That's a lot of goldemas."
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Banyak emas ini."
02:42
He said, "It will not be easymudah
to convincemeyakinkan my companysyarikat
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Katanya, "Bukan senang untuk
yakinkan syarikat saya
02:45
to do largerlebih besar quantitykuantiti shipmentpenghantaran."
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untuk hantar kuantiti yang besar."
02:46
I said, "SolomonNabi Sulaiman, I'm completelysepenuhnya
with you on this one.
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Saya berkata, "Solomon,saya setuju
dengan awak.
02:49
I'm puttingmeletakkan togetherbersama-sama a visualvisual for you
to take into the boardpapan meetingmesyuarat.
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Saya sediakan visual untuk anda
bawa ke mesyuarat lembaga pengarah.
02:52
HoldMemegang tightketat."
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Sila tunggu."
02:54
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
03:01
This is what I sentdihantar SolomonNabi Sulaiman.
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Inilah apa yang saya emel ke Solomon.
03:03
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
03:05
(ApplauseTepukan)
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(Tepukan)
03:11
I don't know if we have
any statisticiansahli statistik in the houserumah,
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Saya tidak tahu jika kita ada
ahli statistik di sini,
03:14
but there's definitelypasti something going on.
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tetapi pasti
ada sesuatu sedang berlaku.
03:16
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
03:19
I said, "SolomonNabi Sulaiman, attacheddilampirkan to this emaile-mel
you'llawak akan find a helpfulmembantu chartcarta.
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Saya kata, "Solomon, emel ini
disertakan carta yang berguna.
Saya minta salah seorang pembantu saya
semak nombor-nombor ini
03:23
I've had one of my assistantspembantu
runberlari the numbersnombor.
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03:25
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
Kami bersedia untuk penghantaran emas
sebanyak mungkin."
03:27
We're readysedia for shippingpenghantaran
as much goldemas as possiblemungkin."
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Sentiasa ada saat di mana
mereka cuba tarik hati sanubari,
03:30
There's always a momentmomen where they try
to tugtunda your heartstringshati sanubari,
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ini yang Solomon buat.
03:33
and this was it for SolomonNabi Sulaiman.
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Katanya, "Saya sangat gembira
jika urusan berjalan lancar,
03:34
He said, "I will be so much happygembira
if the dealberurusan goespergi well,
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sebab saya pun dapat
untung komisen banyak."
03:37
because I'm going to get
a very good commissionsuruhanjaya as well."
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Saya kata, "Hebat! Apa yang awak nak
belanja guna bahagian awak?"
03:40
And I said, "That's amazingmenakjubkan,
What are you going to spendbelanja your cutpotong on?"
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Dia menjawab, "Untuk hartanah,
awak pula?"
03:43
And he said, "On RealEstateRealEstate,
what about you?"
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03:46
I thought about it for a long time.
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Saya berfikir untuk masa yang lama.
03:50
And I said, "One wordperkataan;
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Kemudian balas,"Satu perkataan;
03:53
HummusHumus."
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Hummus."
03:54
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
04:00
"It's going placestempat.
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"Ia merata tempat.
04:01
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
04:03
I was in Sainsbury'sSainsbury the other day
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Saya berada di Sainsbury's suatu hari
04:05
and there were like
30 differentberbeza varietiesjenis.
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terdapat lebih kurang 30 variasi lain
04:07
AlsoJuga you can cutpotong up carrotslobak merah,
and you can dipberenang them.
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Anda juga boleh potong lobak merah
dan mencelupkannya.
04:10
Have you ever donedilakukan that, SolomonNabi Sulaiman?"
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Pernahkah awak melakukannya, Solomon?"
04:11
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
04:14
He said, "I have to go bedkatil now."
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Dia kata, "Saya nak tidur sekarang."
04:16
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
04:18
(ApplauseTepukan)
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(Tepukan)
04:21
"TillSehingga morrowMorrow.
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"Jumpa esok.
04:24
Have sweetmanis dreammimpi."
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Mimpikan yang indah."
04:25
I didn't know what to say!
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Saya tidak tahu menjawab apa!
04:27
I said, "BonsoirBonsoir
my goldenemas nuggetbungkal, bonsoirbonsoir."
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Saya kata, "Salam
ketul emas aku, Salam."
04:30
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
Kalian perlu faham,
ini berlarutan untuk berminggu-minggu
04:33
Guys, you have to understandfaham,
this had been going for, like, weeksminggu,
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walaupun sehingga kini, antara minggu
terbaik hidup saya
04:36
albeitwalaupun hithertosehingga kini the greatestterbesar
weeksminggu of my life,
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tetapi saya perlu hentikannya.
04:38
but I had to knockkalah it on the headkepala.
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Ia menjadi luar kawalan.
04:40
It was gettingmendapat a bitsedikit out of handtangan.
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Kawan-kawan mengajak, "James,
jom minum?"
04:41
FriendsRakan-rakan were sayingberkata, "JamesJames,
do you want to come for a drinkminum?"
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Saya cakap, "Tak boleh. Aku tengah
tunggu emel tentang emas."
04:44
I was like, "I can't, I'm expectingmengharapkan
an emaile-mel about some goldemas."
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Jadi saya rasa saya perlu
buat sesuatu.
Saya perlu buat kesimpulan
yang tak masuk akal.
04:47
So I figureddigambarkan I had
to knockkalah it on the headkepala.
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04:50
I had to take it
to a ridiculoustidak masuk akal conclusionkesimpulan.
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Jadi saya mereka satu pelan.
Saya kata, "Solomon,
saya bimbang pasal sekuriti.
04:52
So I concoctedbercampur a planpelan.
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04:53
I said, "SolomonNabi Sulaiman,
I'm concernedmengambil berat about securitykeselamatan.
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Semasa kita emel satu sama lain,
04:55
When we emaile-mel eachsetiap other,
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kita perlu menggunakan kod."
04:56
we need to use a codekod."
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05:00
And he agreedbersetuju.
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Dia bersetuju.
05:01
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
Saya kata, "Solomon, saya berjaga
semalaman untuk cipta kod ini
05:03
I said, "SolomonNabi Sulaiman, I spentdibelanjakan all night
comingdatang up with this codekod
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05:06
we need to use
in all furtherselanjutnya correspondencesurat-menyurat:
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kita perlu guna untuk
perbualan akan datang:
05:08
LawyerPeguam: GummyGummy BearBear.
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Peguam: Beruang Getah.
05:13
BankBank: CreamKrim EggTelur.
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Bank: Krim telur.
05:16
LegalUndang-undang: FizzyFizzy ColaCola BottleBotol.
ClaimTuntutan: PeanutKacang tanah M&MsMs.
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Sah: Botol Kola Bergas.
Tuntutan: Kacang M&Ms.
05:18
DocumentsDokumen-dokumen: JellyJeli BeansKacang.
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Dokumen: Kacang Jeli.
05:20
WesternWestern UnionKesatuan: A GiantGergasi GummyGummy LizardBiawak."
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Western Union: Gergasi Biawak Getah."
05:22
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
Saya tahu inilah perkataan-perkataan
yang digunakan, betul tak?
05:24
I knewtahu these were all wordskata-kata
they use, right?
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05:26
I said, "Please call me KitkatKitkat
in all furtherselanjutnya correspondencesurat-menyurat."
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Saya kata, "Sila panggil saya KitKat
dalam semua perbualan akan datang."
05:30
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
Saya tidak terima balasan.
Mungkin saya sudah melampau.
05:36
I didn't heardengar back.
I thought, I've gonepergi too farjauh.
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05:38
I've gonepergi too farjauh.
So I had to backpedalbackpedal a little.
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Saya sudah melampau.
Saya kena berundur sikit.
05:40
I said, "SolomonNabi Sulaiman, Is the dealberurusan still on?
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Saya bertanya, "Solomon,jadi tak
urus janji kita?"
05:44
KitKatKitKat."
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KitKat."
05:45
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
05:46
Because you have to be consistentkonsisten.
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Sebab awak kena tekal.
Kemudian saya mendapat balasan emelnya.
05:51
Then I did get an emaile-mel back from him.
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Katanya, "Urusjanji diteruskan
dan saya sedang bla bla bla..."
05:53
He said, "The BusinessPerniagaan is on
and I am tryingmencuba to blahblah blahblah blahblah ..."
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Saya pula berkata, "Saudara, awak
kena pakai kod tu!"
05:56
I said, "DudeDude, you have to use the codekod!"
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06:01
What followeddiikuti is the greatestterbesar emaile-mel
I've ever receivedmenerima.
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Emel seterusnya adalah email
terbaik yang pernah saya terima.
06:04
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
06:07
I'm not jokingbergurau, this is what
turnedberpaling up in my inboxpeti masuk.
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Saya tak bergurau, inilah emel
yang muncul dalam peti masuk saya
06:10
This was a good day.
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Hari yang baik.
06:13
"The businessperniagaan is on.
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"Bisnes akan diteruskan.
06:16
I am tryingmencuba to raisemenaikkan the balanceseimbang
for the GummyGummy BearBear --
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Saya sedang tingkatkan baki
untuk Beruang Getah --
06:18
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
supaya boleh hantar semua Botol Kola
Bergas Kacang Jeli yang diperlukan
06:23
so he can submithantar all the neededdiperlukan
FizzyFizzy ColaCola BottleBotol JellyJeli BeansKacang
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06:26
to the CremeCreme EggTelur,
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kepada Krim Telur,
06:29
for the PeanutKacang tanah M&MsMs processproses to startmulakan.
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untuk proses Kacang M&Ms bermula.
06:32
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
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(Ketawa)
06:33
SendHantar 1,500 poundspound
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Masukkan 1,500 paun
06:36
viamelalui a GiantGergasi GummyGummy LizardBiawak."
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melalui Gergasi Biawak Getah."
06:38
(ApplauseTepukan)
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(Tepukan)
06:49
And that was so much funkeseronokan, right,
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Sangat menyeronokkan, betul tak,
06:51
that it got me thinkingberfikir:
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ini menyebabkan saya fikir:
06:53
like, what would happenberlaku if I just spentdibelanjakan
as much time as could
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perkara yang akan berlaku jika
saya habiskan sebanyak mungkin masa
06:56
replyingmenjawab to as manyramai
scampenipuan emailse-mel as I could?
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membalas emel spam
sebanyak boleh?
07:00
And that's what I've been doing
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Itulah kegiatan saya
07:03
for threetiga yearstahun
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2100
untuk tiga tahun
07:05
on your behalfbagi pihak.
150
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bagi pihak kamu semua.
07:06
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
151
414574
2395
(Ketawa)
07:08
(ApplauseTepukan)
152
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2319
(Tepukan)
07:12
CrazyGila stuffbarangan happensberlaku when you startmulakan
replyingmenjawab to scampenipuan emailse-mel.
153
420079
2871
Perkara mengarut berlaku bila
anda balas email penipuan.
07:14
It's really difficultsukar,
154
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1151
Ia sangat rumit,
07:16
and I highlysangat recommendmengesyorkan we do it.
155
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1578
dan saya syorkan kita buat.
07:17
I don't think what I'm doing is mean.
156
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1841
Rasanya kelakuan saya tidak jahat.
07:19
There are a lot of people
who do mean things to scammerspenipu.
157
427616
2752
Ada ramai orang berlaku kejam
terhadap penipu-penipu.
07:22
All I'm doing is wastingmembazir theirmereka time.
158
430392
3587
Saya hanya membazir masa mereka.
Saya rasa masa yang mereka
luangkan untuk saya
07:26
And I think any time
they're spendingperbelanjaan with me
159
434894
2159
adalah masa yang tidak guna
menipu orang dewasa yang lurus
07:29
is time they're not spendingperbelanjaan
scammingmenipu lain vulnerableterdedah adultsdewasa
160
437077
2597
07:31
out of theirmereka savingssimpanan, right?
161
439698
1373
duit simpanan mereka, kan?
07:33
And if you're going to do this --
and I highlysangat recommendmengesyorkan you do --
162
441584
3563
Jika anda ingin melakukan ini --
dan saya amat mengesyorkannya --
07:37
get yourselfdiri sendiri a pseudonymouspseudonymous emaile-mel addressalamat.
163
445171
2011
dapatkan alamat emel samaran.
07:39
Don't use your ownsendiri emaile-mel addressalamat.
164
447206
1604
Jangan guna emel sebenar.
Mulanya saya lakukan begitu
dan ia menjadi mimpi ngeri.
07:40
That's what I was doing at the startmulakan
and it was a nightmaremimpi ngeri.
165
448834
2854
Saya akan bangun waktu pagi
dan menerima seribu emel
07:43
I'd wakebangun up in the morningpagi
and have a thousandribu emailse-mel
166
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2556
tentang pembesaran zakar,
07:46
about peniszakar enlargementsenlargements,
167
454292
1207
hanya satu daripadanya
balasan yang sah --
07:47
only one of whichyang mana
was a legitimatesah responsetindak balas --
168
455523
2197
07:49
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
169
457744
2096
(Ketawa)
tentang persoalan perubatan
yang saya utarakan.
07:51
to a medicalperubatan questionsoalan I had.
170
459864
1342
07:53
But I'll tell you what, thoughwalaupun, guys,
171
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1769
Biar saya beritahu sesuatu,
07:55
I'll tell you what: any day is a good day,
any day is a good day
172
463023
3001
Mana-mana hari ialah hari baik,
mana-mana hari ialah hari baik,
07:58
if you receiveterima an emaile-mel
that beginsbermula like this:
173
466048
2421
Kalau anda menerima emel
yang bermula begini:
08:01
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
174
469558
2814
(Ketawa)
08:04
"I AM WINNIEWINNIE MANDELAMANDELA,
175
472396
1793
"SAYA IALAH WINNIE MANDELA,
08:07
THE SECONDKEDUA WIFEISTERI OF NELSONNELSON MANDELAMANDELA
THE FORMERBEKAS SOUTHSELATAN AFRICANAFRIKA PRESIDENTPRESIDEN."
176
475094
3294
ISTERI KEDUA NELSON MANDELA
MANTAN PRESIDEN AFRIKA SELATAN."
Saya berfikir, oh! -- Winnie Mandela tu.
08:10
I was like, oh! -- that WinnieWinnie MandelaMandela.
177
478412
1903
08:12
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
178
480339
1081
(Ketawa)
08:13
I know so manyramai.
179
481444
1150
Saya kenal ramai sangat.
08:15
"I NEED TO TRANSFERPEMINDAHAN 45 MILLIONJUTA DOLLARSDOLAR
OUT OF THE COUNTRYNEGARA
180
483546
3056
"SAYA PERLU PINDAHKAN
45 JUTA DOLAR KELUAR NEGARA
08:18
BECAUSE OF MY HUSBANDSUAMI
NELSONNELSON MANDELA'SMANDELA DI HEALTHKESIHATAN CONDITIONKEADAAN."
181
486626
2770
KERANA KEADAAN KESIHATAN
SUAMI SAYA NELSON MANDELA."
08:21
Let that sinktenggelam in.
182
489420
1159
Biarkan ia jelas.
08:23
She sentdihantar me this, whichyang mana is hystericalhisteris.
183
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2640
Dia hantar ini, dan ia benar-benar lucu.
08:26
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
184
494528
2947
(Ketawa)
08:29
And this.
185
497499
1159
Juga ini.
08:30
And this lookskelihatan fairlyadil legitimatesah,
this is a lettersurat of authorizationkebenaran.
186
498682
3199
Nampak agak sah,
ini adalah surat kuasa.
08:33
But to be honestjujur, if there's nothing
writtenbertulis on it, it's just a shapebentuk!
187
501905
3389
Sejujurnya, jika tiada tulisan,
ia hanya satu bentuk!
08:37
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
188
505318
1853
(Ketawa)
Saya kata, "Winnie, saya sangat
sedih mendengarnya.
08:39
I said, "WinnieWinnie,
I'm really sorry to heardengar of this.
189
507651
2342
Memandangkan Nelson meninggal
tiga bulan lepas,
08:42
GivenDiberikan that NelsonNelson diedmeninggal dunia threetiga monthsbulan agosebelum ini,
190
510017
1993
08:44
I'd describeterangkan his healthkesihatan conditionkeadaan
as fairlyadil seriousserius."
191
512034
2586
saya fikir keadaan
kesihatannya cukup parah."
08:46
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
192
514644
2814
(Ketawa)
08:49
That's the worstterburuk healthkesihatan conditionkeadaan
you can have, not beingmenjadi alivehidup.
193
517482
3519
Itulah keadaan kesihatan
yang paling teruk, tidak hidup.
08:55
She said, "KINDLYSILA COMPLYMEMATUHI
WITH MY BANKERSBANK-BANK INSTRUCTIONSARAHAN.
194
523373
2771
Dia kata, "SILA PATUH
ARAHAN JURUBANK SAYA.
08:58
ONE LOVE."
195
526168
1158
SATU CINTA."
08:59
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
196
527350
1952
(Ketawa)
09:02
I said, "Of coursekursus. NO WOMANWANITA, NO CRYMENANGIS."
197
530325
1818
Saya kata, "Tentulah.
TIADA WANITA, TIADA TANGISAN."
09:04
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
198
532167
3504
(Ketawa)
09:07
(ApplauseTepukan)
199
535695
3496
(Tepukan)
09:12
She said, "MY BANKERJURUBANK WILL NEED
TRANSFERPEMINDAHAN OF 3000 DOLLARSDOLAR. ONE LOVE."
200
540701
3151
Dia kata, "JURUBANK AKU MEMERLUKAN
PEMINDAHAN 3000 DOLAR. SATU CINTA."
09:15
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
201
543876
2134
(Ketawa)
09:20
I said, "no problemoproblemo.
202
548010
1969
Saya kata, "tiada hal.
09:24
I SHOTPUKULAN THE SHERIFFSHERIFF."
203
552422
1271
AKU TERTEMBAK SHERIFF."
09:29
[ (BUT I DID NOT SHOOTMENEMBAK THE DEPUTYTIMBALAN) ]
204
557813
1880
[ (TETAPI AKU TIDAK TEMBAK TIMBALANNYA) ]
09:31
(LaughterGelak ketawa)
205
559717
1025
(Ketawa)
09:32
Thank you.
206
560766
1152
Terima kasih.
09:33
(ApplauseTepukan)
207
561942
13263
(Tepukan)
Translated by Amy K
Reviewed by Aznah Binti Arshad

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
James Veitch - Comedian and writer
For James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game.

Why you should listen

Packed full of Nigerian princes, can't miss investment opportunities and eligible Russian brides, James Veitch's correspondence with email spammers leads to surprising, bizarre and usually hilarious results. Out of this experiment came his first book, Dot Con. In 2014, his first solo comedy show The Fundamental Interconnectedness of Everyone with an Internet Connection, premiered at the Edinburgh Fringe to wide acclaim. His second show, Genius Bar, focussed on his time working for Apple, chronicles his attempts to fix his relationship using the same troubleshooting techniques he’d been using to fix iMacs, iPhones and iPods. He is currently writing his third show and preparing to tour the UK. 

He lives in London with his full body pillow.

More profile about the speaker
James Veitch | Speaker | TED.com