ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Brené Brown - Vulnerability researcher
Brené Brown studies vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame.

Why you should listen

Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent the past ten years studying vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. She spent the first five years of her decade-long study focusing on shame and empathy, and is now using that work to explore a concept that she calls Wholeheartedness. She poses the questions:

How do we learn to embrace our vulnerabilities and imperfections so that we can engage in our lives from a place of authenticity and worthiness? How do we cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection that we need to recognize that we are enough – that we are worthy of love, belonging, and joy?

Read the TED Blog's Q&A with Brené Brown >>

More profile about the speaker
Brené Brown | Speaker | TED.com
TED2012

Brené Brown: Listening to shame

Brené Brown: Poslušati sram

Filmed:
13,362,658 views

Sram je neizrečena epidemija, je skrivnost, ki tiči za številnimi oblikami nefunkcionalnega vedenja. Brené Brown, čigar nastopi o ranljivosti so postali pravi hit, raziskuje kaj se lahko zgodi, ko se ljudje soočijo s sramom. Njena beseda je obsijana s posebnim humorjem, človečnostjo in ranljivostjo.
- Vulnerability researcher
Brené Brown studies vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:15
I'm going to tell you a little bitbit
0
0
3000
Povedala vam bom nekaj
00:18
about my TEDxHoustonTEDxHouston Talk.
1
3000
2000
v zvezi z nastopom na dogodku TEDxHouston.
00:20
I wokezbudil se je up the morningjutro after I gavedala that Talk
2
5000
4000
Po tistem nastopu sem zjutraj vstala
00:24
with the worstnajhujše vulnerabilityranljivost hangovermačka
3
9000
3000
z največjim "ranljivostnim mačkom"
00:27
of my life.
4
12000
2000
v življenju.
00:29
And I actuallydejansko didn't leavedopust my househiša
5
14000
3000
Hiše nisem zapustila
00:32
for about threetri daysdnevi.
6
17000
2000
približno tri dni.
00:34
The first time I left was to meetsrečati a friendprijatelj for lunchkosilo.
7
19000
4000
Nato sem šla na kosilo s prijateljico.
00:38
And when I walkedhodil in, she was alreadyže at the tablemizo.
8
23000
2000
Ko sem vstopila, je bila že za mizo.
00:40
And I satsedel down, and she said,
9
25000
2000
Prisedem in reče mi:
00:42
"God, you look like hellhudiča."
10
27000
2000
"Moj bog, izgledaš pa slabo",
00:44
I said, "Thankshvala. I feel really --
11
29000
2000
"Hvala," ji odgovorim.
"Počutim se res --
00:46
I'm not functioningdelovanje."
12
31000
3000
Sploh ne funkcioniram."
00:49
And she said, "What's going on?"
13
34000
2000
Vpraša me je, kaj se dogaja.
00:51
And I said, "I just told
14
36000
2000
"Pravkar sem povedala
00:53
500 people
15
38000
3000
petsto ljudem,
00:56
that I becamepostati a researcherraziskovalec
16
41000
2000
da sem postala raziskovalka,
00:58
to avoidizogibajte se vulnerabilityranljivost.
17
43000
2000
da bi se izognila ranljivosti.
01:00
And that when beingbiti vulnerableranljivi
18
45000
2000
In ko so moji podatki pokazali,
da je ranljivost
01:02
emergedpojavil from my datapodatkov,
19
47000
2000
01:04
as absolutelyabsolutno essentialbistveno
20
49000
3000
nekaj absolutno nujnega
01:07
to whole-heartedKlonuo livingživeti,
21
52000
2000
za polno življenje,
01:09
I told these 500 people
22
54000
2000
grem povedat celotni publiki,
01:11
that I had a breakdownrazčlenitev.
23
56000
2000
da sem doživela živčni zlom.
01:13
I had a slidezdrs that said BreakdownRazčlenitev.
24
58000
2000
Na diapozitivu mi je pisalo "Živčni zlom".
01:15
At what pointtočka did I think that was a good ideaideja?"
25
60000
3000
Kako se mi je to lahko zdela dobra ideja?"
01:18
(LaughterSmeh)
26
63000
3000
(Smeh)
01:21
And she said, "I saw your Talk live-streamedživeti pretočili.
27
66000
2000
Pa reče: "Tvoj nastop sem gledala v živo.
01:23
It was not really you.
28
68000
2000
Nisi si bila prav podobna.
Bil je malo drugačen od tega,
kar narediš ponavadi.
01:25
It was a little differentdrugačen than what you usuallyobičajno do.
29
70000
2000
01:27
But it was great."
30
72000
2000
Ampak bilo je super."
01:29
And I said,
31
74000
2000
In jaz ji rečem:
01:31
"This can't happense zgodi.
32
76000
2000
"To se ne sme zgoditi."
01:33
YouTubeYouTube, they're puttingdajanje this thing on YouTubeYouTube.
33
78000
2000
"To stvar bodo naložili na YouTube."
01:35
And we're going to be talkinggovoriti about 600, 700 people."
34
80000
4000
"In potem jo bo videlo 600, 700 ljudi."
01:39
(LaughterSmeh)
35
84000
4000
(Smeh)
01:43
And she said, "Well, I think it's too latepozen."
36
88000
3000
In reče: "No, mislim, da je prepozno."
01:46
And I said, "Let me askvprašajte you something."
37
91000
2000
In ji rečem: "Te lahko nekaj vprašam?"
01:48
And she said, "Yeah."
38
93000
2000
In ona reče: "Ja."
01:50
And I said, "Do you rememberZapomni si when we were in collegekolegij
39
95000
2000
In rečem: "Se spomniš faksa,
01:52
and really wilddivji and kindvrste of dumbneumna?"
40
97000
2000
ko sva bili čisto podivjani
in malo neumni?"
01:54
And she said, "Yeah."
41
99000
2000
In odgovori: "Ja."
01:56
And I said, "RememberNe pozabite when we'dBili bi leavedopust a really badslab messagesporočilo
42
101000
2000
"Veš, ko pustiš res grozno sporočilo
01:58
on our ex-boyfriend'sex-fant answeringodgovori machinestroj?
43
103000
2000
na tajnici svojega bivšega?
02:00
Then we'dBili bi have to breakodmor into his dormdomu roomsoba
44
105000
2000
In potem mu moraš vdreti v sobo
02:02
and then eraseizbrisati the tapetrak?"
45
107000
2000
in zbrisati kaseto?"
02:04
(LaughterSmeh)
46
109000
2000
(Smeh)
02:06
And she goesgre, "Uh ... no."
47
111000
3000
In ona reče: "Uh... Ne."
02:09
(LaughterSmeh)
48
114000
2000
(Smeh)
02:11
So of courseseveda, the only thing I could think of to say at that pointtočka was,
49
116000
3000
Na tej točki sem seveda lahko rekla samo:
02:14
"Yeah, me neitherniti ne.
50
119000
2000
"Ne, niti jaz ne.
02:16
That ... me neitherniti ne."
51
121000
3000
To... Res ne."
02:20
And I'm thinkingrazmišljanje to myselfjaz,
52
125000
2000
In sama pri sebi si mislim:
02:22
"BreneBrene, what are you doing? What are you doing?
53
127000
3000
"Brené, kaj delaš? Kaj delaš?
02:25
Why did you bringprinesi this up? Have you lostizgubljen your mindum?
54
130000
3000
Zakaj si to omenila? Se ti je zmešalo?
02:28
Your sisterssestre would be perfectpopolno for this."
55
133000
3000
Tvoji sestri bi bili idealni za tole."
02:32
So I lookedpogledal back up and she said,
56
137000
3000
Ko spet pogledam gor, mi reče:
02:35
"Are you really going to try to breakodmor in
57
140000
3000
"Boš res poskušala vlomiti k njim
02:38
and stealukrasti the videovideo
58
143000
2000
in ukrasti video,
02:40
before they put it on YouTubeYouTube?"
59
145000
3000
preden ga naložijo na YouTube?"
02:43
And I said, "I'm just thinkingrazmišljanje about it a little bitbit."
60
148000
3000
In ji rečem: "Samo malo razmišljam o tem."
02:46
(LaughterSmeh)
61
151000
2000
(Smeh)
02:48
She said, "You're like the worstnajhujše vulnerabilityranljivost rolevloga modelmodel ever."
62
153000
4000
In ona reče: "Ti si najslabša
vzornica za ranljivost sploh."
02:52
(LaughterSmeh)
63
157000
3000
(Smeh)
02:55
And then I lookedpogledal at her and I said something
64
160000
2000
In potem sem jo pogledala in rekla nekaj,
02:57
that at the time feltčutil a little dramaticdramatično,
65
162000
2000
kar se je takrat zdelo dramatično,
02:59
but endedkončal up beingbiti more propheticpreroški than dramaticdramatično.
66
164000
2000
ampak se je izkazalo za preroško.
03:01
I said,
67
166000
2000
Rekla sem:
03:03
"If 500 turnszavrti into 1,000
68
168000
4000
"Če se 500 spremeni v 1000
03:07
or 2,000,
69
172000
2000
ali 2000,
03:09
my life is over."
70
174000
2000
bo mojega življenja konec."
03:11
(LaughterSmeh)
71
176000
2000
(Smeh)
03:13
I had no contingencynepredvidljivost plannačrt for fourštiri millionmilijonov.
72
178000
3000
Nisem imela kriznega načrta za 4 milijone.
03:16
(LaughterSmeh)
73
181000
3000
(Smeh)
03:20
And my life did endkonec when that happenedse je zgodilo.
74
185000
3000
In mojega življenja
je bilo takrat res konec.
03:23
And maybe the hardestnajtežje partdel about my life endingkonec
75
188000
4000
Mogoče je bilo pri tem najtežje,
03:27
is that I learnednaučili something hardtežko about myselfjaz,
76
192000
4000
da sem se naučila nekaj težkega o sebi
03:31
and that was that,
77
196000
3000
in sicer:
čeprav bi me frustriralo,
03:34
as much as I would frustratedrazočaran
78
199000
2000
če svojega dela
ne bi mogla predstaviti svetu,
03:36
about not beingbiti ablesposoben to get my work out to the worldsvet,
79
201000
2000
03:38
there was a partdel of me that was workingdelo very hardtežko
80
203000
3000
se je del mene močno trudil,
03:41
to engineerinženir stayingostati smallmajhna,
81
206000
3000
da bi ostala majhna
03:44
stayingostati right underSpodaj the radarradar.
82
209000
3000
in neopažena.
03:48
But I want to talk about what I've learnednaučili.
83
213000
2000
Rada bi vam povedala, kaj sem se naučila.
03:50
There's two things that I've learnednaučili in the last yearleto.
84
215000
3000
V preteklem letu sem se naučila dvoje.
03:54
The first is
85
219000
4000
Prvič,
ranljivost ni šibkost.
03:58
vulnerabilityranljivost is not weaknessšibkost.
86
223000
4000
04:02
And that mythMIT
87
227000
2000
To prepričanje
04:04
is profoundlygloboko dangerousnevarno.
88
229000
2000
je izredno nevarno.
04:06
Let me askvprašajte you honestlyiskreno --
89
231000
2000
Naj vas iskreno vprašam --
04:08
and I'll give you this warningOpozorilo,
90
233000
2000
in opozarjam vas,
04:10
I'm trainedusposobljeni as a therapistterapevt,
91
235000
2000
da sem izučena terapevtka,
04:12
so I can out-waitven-čakati, you uncomfortablyneprijetno --
92
237000
3000
in lahko vzdržim
več neprijetnega čakanja od vas --
04:15
so if you could just raisedvigni your handroka that would be awesomesuper --
93
240000
3000
Super bi bilo, če bi lahko dvignili roke
04:18
how manyveliko of you honestlyiskreno,
94
243000
2000
tisti med vami, ki
04:20
when you're thinkingrazmišljanje about doing something vulnerableranljivi
95
245000
2000
ko pomislite,
da bi storili nekaj ranljivega
04:22
or sayinggovoriti something vulnerableranljivi,
96
247000
2000
ali rekli nekaj ranljivega,
04:24
think, "God, vulnerability'sranljivost je weaknessšibkost. This is weaknessšibkost?"
97
249000
2000
pomislite: "Joj, ranljivost je šibkost."
04:26
How manyveliko of you think of vulnerabilityranljivost and weaknessšibkost synonymouslykot sopomenka?
98
251000
3000
Komu se zdi, da sta
ranljivost in šibkost sopomenki?
04:29
The majorityvečino of people.
99
254000
2000
Večini ljudi.
04:31
Now let me askvprašajte you this questionvprašanje:
100
256000
2000
Naj vas zdaj vprašam tole:
04:33
This pastpreteklost weekteden at TEDTED,
101
258000
3000
Ta teden na konferenci TED,
04:36
how manyveliko of you, when you saw vulnerabilityranljivost up here,
102
261000
3000
ko ste na tem odru videli ranljivost,
04:39
thought it was purečisto couragepogum?
103
264000
2000
komu od vas se je zdela
kot čisti pogum?
04:43
VulnerabilityRanljivost is not weaknessšibkost.
104
268000
3000
Ranljivost ni šibkost.
04:46
I definedefinirati vulnerabilityranljivost
105
271000
2000
Ranljivost definiram
04:48
as emotionalčustveno risktveganje,
106
273000
3000
kot čustveno tveganje,
04:51
exposureizpostavljenosti, uncertaintynegotovost.
107
276000
3000
izpostavljanje, negotovost.
04:54
It fuelsgoriva our dailydnevno livesživi.
108
279000
2000
To je gonilo našega vsakdanjega življenja.
04:56
And I've come to the beliefprepričanje --
109
281000
2000
In prišla sem do spoznanja --
04:58
this is my 12thth yearleto doing this researchraziskave --
110
283000
2000
to je moje dvanajsto leto
s to raziskavo --
05:00
that vulnerabilityranljivost
111
285000
2000
da je ranljivost
05:02
is our mostnajbolj accuratenatančno measurementmerjenje
112
287000
3000
naše najbolj natančno merilo
05:05
of couragepogum --
113
290000
3000
poguma.
05:08
to be vulnerableranljivi, to let ourselvessami be seenvidel,
114
293000
3000
Biti ranljiv, dopustiti,
da nas drugi vidijo,
05:11
to be honestpošten.
115
296000
2000
biti iskren.
05:13
One of the weirdčudno things that's happenedse je zgodilo
116
298000
2000
Ena od nenavadnih stvari,
ki so se zgodile:
05:15
is, after the TEDTED explosioneksplozija,
117
300000
2000
po TED ekploziji sem dobila
05:17
I got a lot of offersponudbe to speakgovoriti all over the countrydržava --
118
302000
3000
ogromno ponudb
za nastope po celi državi --
05:20
everyonevsi from schoolsšole and parentstaršev meetingssrečanja
119
305000
3000
od šol in skupin za starše
05:23
to FortuneBogastvo 500 companiespodjetja.
120
308000
3000
do podjetij z lestvice Fortune 500.
05:26
And so manyveliko of the callsklice wentšla like this,
121
311000
2000
In toliko klicev se je začelo takole:
05:28
"Hey, DrDr. BrownBrown. We lovedLjubil sem your TEDTalkTEDTalk.
122
313000
2000
"Dr. Brown,
vaš TED nastop je bil super."
05:30
We'dMi bi like you to come in and speakgovoriti.
123
315000
2000
Radi bi, da pridete nastopit k nam.
05:32
We'dMi bi appreciatecenite it
124
317000
2000
Res bi bili hvaležni,
05:34
if you wouldn'tne bi mentionomeniti vulnerabilityranljivost or shamesram."
125
319000
3000
če ne bi omenili ranljivosti ali sramu."
(Smeh)
05:37
(LaughterSmeh)
126
322000
4000
05:41
What would you like for me to talk about?
127
326000
3000
O čem bi radi, da govorim?
05:44
There's threetri bigvelik answersodgovore.
128
329000
2000
Obstajajo trije glavni odgovori
05:46
This is mostlyvečinoma, to be honestpošten with you, from the businessposlovanje sectorsektorju:
129
331000
3000
po pravici povedano
predvsem iz poslovnega sektorja:
05:49
innovationinovacije, creativityustvarjalnost
130
334000
2000
inovacija, kreativnost
05:51
and changesprememba.
131
336000
3000
in spremembe.
05:55
So let me go on the recordzapis
132
340000
2000
Naj tukaj javno
05:57
and say,
133
342000
2000
povem tole:
05:59
vulnerabilityranljivost is the birthplacerojstna hiša
134
344000
2000
ranljivost je zibelka
06:01
of innovationinovacije, creativityustvarjalnost and changesprememba.
135
346000
3000
inovacij, kreativnosti in sprememb.
06:04
(ApplauseAplavz)
136
349000
5000
(Aplavz)
06:12
To createustvarite is to make something
137
357000
3000
Ustvarjati pomeni narediti nekaj,
06:15
that has never existedobstaja before.
138
360000
3000
kar prej še ni obstajalo.
06:18
There's nothing more vulnerableranljivi than that.
139
363000
3000
Nič ni bolj ranljivega.
06:21
AdaptabilityPrilagodljivost to changesprememba
140
366000
2000
Prilagajanje spremembam
06:23
is all about vulnerabilityranljivost.
141
368000
2000
je močno povezano z ranljivostjo.
06:25
The seconddrugič thing,
142
370000
2000
Drugič,
06:27
in additionPoleg tega to really finallykončno understandingrazumevanje
143
372000
4000
poleg tega, da sem končno res razumela
06:31
the relationshiprazmerje betweenmed vulnerabilityranljivost and couragepogum,
144
376000
2000
razmerje med ranljivostjo in pogumom,
06:33
the seconddrugič thing I learnednaučili is this:
145
378000
3000
sem se naučila tudi tole:
06:36
We have to talk about shamesram.
146
381000
3000
moramo govoriti o sramu.
06:41
And I'm going to be really honestpošten with you.
147
386000
2000
In z vami bom res odkrita.
06:43
When I becamepostati a "vulnerabilityranljivost researcherraziskovalec"
148
388000
4000
Ko sem postala "raziskovalka ranljivosti"
06:47
and that becamepostati the focusosredotočiti because of the TEDTalkTEDTalk --
149
392000
3000
in je bilo to v središču pozornosti
zaradi nastopa na TED-u,
06:50
and I'm not kiddingšaliti se.
150
395000
2000
brez šale.
06:52
I'll give you an exampleprimer.
151
397000
2000
Dala vam bom primer.
Pred približno tremi meseci,
sem bila v športni trgovini.
06:54
About threetri monthsmesecev agonazaj, I was in a sportingšportni goodsblago storeshranite
152
399000
2000
06:56
buyingnakup gogglesočala and shinShin guardsvarovala
153
401000
2000
Kupovala sem zaščitna očala in ščitnike
06:58
and all the things that parentsstarši buykupiti at the sportingšportni goodsblago storeshranite.
154
403000
3000
in vse ostalo, kar starši kupujejo
v športni trgovini.
07:01
About from a hundredsto feetstopala away, this is what I hearslišite:
155
406000
3000
Približno 30 metrov stran zaslišim:
07:04
"VulnerabilityRanljivost TEDTED! VulnerabilityRanljivost TEDTED!"
156
409000
3000
"Ranljivost TED! Ranljivost TED!"
07:07
(LaughterSmeh)
157
412000
8000
(Smeh)
Moja družina že pet generacij
živi v Teksasu.
07:15
I'm a fifthpeti generationgeneracije TexanTeksaški.
158
420000
2000
07:17
Our familydružina mottoMoto is "LockZaklepanje and loadobremenitev."
159
422000
3000
Naš moto je "Bodi pripravljen."
07:20
I am not a naturalnaravno vulnerabilityranljivost researcherraziskovalec.
160
425000
4000
Nisem rojena za raziskovalko ranljivosti.
07:25
So I'm like,
161
430000
2000
In tako rečem:
07:27
just keep walkinghoditi, she's on my sixšest.
162
432000
2000
"Kar hodi naprej, za mano je."
07:29
(LaughterSmeh)
163
434000
2000
(Smeh)
07:31
And then I hearslišite, "VulnerabilityRanljivost TEDTED!"
164
436000
4000
In potem zaslišim, "TED Ranljivost!"
07:35
I turnobrat around, I go, "Hiživjo."
165
440000
3000
Obrnem se in rečem: "Živjo."
07:38
She's right here and she said,
166
443000
2000
Stala je tam in mi rekla:
07:40
"You're the shamesram researcherraziskovalec who had the breakdownrazčlenitev."
167
445000
3000
"Ti si raziskovalka sramu,
ki je imela živčni zlom."
07:43
(LaughterSmeh)
168
448000
4000
(Smeh)
07:47
At this pointtočka
169
452000
2000
Na tej točki
07:49
parentsstarši are, like, pullingvlečenje theirnjihovi childrenotroci closeblizu.
170
454000
3000
so starši svoje otroke potegnili k sebi.
07:53
"Look away."
171
458000
2000
"Stran glej."
07:57
And I'm so wornnosili out at this pointtočka in my life,
172
462000
2000
In jaz sem bila že tako izmučena,
07:59
I look at her and I actuallydejansko say,
173
464000
2000
da sem jo pogledala in rekla:
08:01
"It was a frickin'Presneto " spiritualduhovno awakeningprebujanje."
174
466000
3000
"Bilo je presneto duhovno prebujenje."
08:04
(LaughterSmeh)
175
469000
2000
(Smeh)
08:06
(ApplauseAplavz)
176
471000
2000
(Aplavz)
08:08
And she looksizgleda back and does this,
177
473000
2000
In ona me pogleda nazaj in reče:
08:10
"I know."
178
475000
2000
"Vem."
08:12
And she said,
179
477000
2000
In rekla mi je:
08:14
"We watchedgledal your TEDTalkTEDTalk in my bookknjigo clubklub.
180
479000
3000
"Z bralnim klubom smo gledali
tvoj TED nastop.
08:17
Then we readpreberite your bookknjigo
181
482000
2000
Potem smo prebrali tvojo knjigo
08:19
and we renamedpreimenovati ourselvessami
182
484000
2000
in se preimenovali
08:21
'The BreakdownRazčlenitev BabesBabes.'"
183
486000
3000
v 'Ženske sredi živčnega zloma'.
08:24
And she said, "Our taglineslogan is:
184
489000
2000
Naš slogan je:
08:26
'We're fallingpadec apartRazen and it feelspočuti fantasticfantastično.'"
185
491000
4000
'Sesuvamo se in občutek je fantastičen.'"
08:30
(LaughterSmeh)
186
495000
3000
(Smeh)
08:33
You can only imaginezamislite
187
498000
2000
Lahko si samo predstavljate,
08:35
what it's like for me in a facultyfakulteta meetingsrečanje.
188
500000
3000
kako se počutim med sestanki na fakulteti.
08:40
So when I becamepostati VulnerabilityRanljivost TEDTED,
189
505000
2000
Tako sem postala TED Ranljivost,
08:42
like an actionukrepanje figureštevilka --
190
507000
3000
kot igrača, akcijska figura --
08:45
like NinjaNinja BarbieBarbie, but I'm VulnerabilityRanljivost TEDTED --
191
510000
4000
kot nindža Barbie,
samo da sem jaz TED Ranljivost.
08:49
I thought, I'm going to leavedopust that shamesram stuffstvari behindzadaj,
192
514000
3000
Mislila sem si, da bom vse tisto o sramu
pustila za sabo,
08:52
because I spentpreživel sixšest yearslet studyingŠtudij shamesram
193
517000
3000
ker sem šest let proučevala sram
08:55
before I really startedzačel writingpisanje and talkinggovoriti about vulnerabilityranljivost.
194
520000
3000
preden sem zares začela pisati in govoriti
o ranljivosti.
08:58
And I thought, thank God, because shamesram is this horriblegrozno topictemo,
195
523000
3000
In mislila sem si, hvala Bogu,
ker je sram taka grozna tema.
09:01
no one wants to talk about it.
196
526000
2000
Nihče noče govoriti o sramu.
To je najboljši način,
da utišate soseda na letu.
09:03
It's the bestnajboljši way to shutZapri people down on an airplaneletalo.
197
528000
2000
09:05
"What do you do?" "I studyštudija shamesram." "Oh."
198
530000
2000
"S čim se ukvarjate?"
"Raziskujem sram." -"Oh."
09:07
(LaughterSmeh)
199
532000
2000
(Smeh)
09:09
And I see you.
200
534000
2000
In vidim vas.
09:11
(LaughterSmeh)
201
536000
6000
(Smeh)
09:17
But in survivingpreživeli this last yearleto,
202
542000
3000
Ampak, ko sem preživela preteklo leto,
09:20
I was remindedopomniti of a cardinalkardinal rulepravilo --
203
545000
3000
sem se spomnila glavnega pravila --
09:23
not a researchraziskave rulepravilo,
204
548000
3000
ne pravila za raziskovanje,
09:26
but a moralmoralno imperativenujno
205
551000
2000
ampak moralne obveze
09:28
from my upbringingvzgoje --
206
553000
2000
iz svoje vzgoje --
09:30
you've got to danceples with the one who brungya brung ya.
207
555000
4000
Plesati moraš s tistim,
ki te je pripeljal.
09:34
And I did not learnučiti se about vulnerabilityranljivost
208
559000
2000
Nisem se naučila o ranljivosti
09:36
and couragepogum and creativityustvarjalnost and innovationinovacije
209
561000
3000
in pogumu in ustvarjalnosti in inovaciji
09:39
from studyingŠtudij vulnerabilityranljivost.
210
564000
3000
s proučevanjem ranljivosti.
09:42
I learnednaučili about these things
211
567000
2000
O teh stvareh sem se naučila
09:44
from studyingŠtudij shamesram.
212
569000
2000
s proučevanjem sramu.
09:46
And so I want to walkhodi you in
213
571000
2000
In tako vam hočem predstaviti sram.
09:48
to shamesram.
214
573000
2000
09:50
JungianJungian analystsanalitiki call shamesram
215
575000
3000
Jungovski analitiki sram imenujejo
09:53
the swamplandswampland of the soulduša.
216
578000
3000
močvirje duše.
09:56
And we're going to walkhodi in.
217
581000
2000
In mi bomo zabredli v močvirje.
09:58
And the purposenamen is not to walkhodi in
218
583000
2000
Namen tega ni, da zabredemo v močvirje
10:00
and constructkonstrukt a home and livev živo there.
219
585000
2000
in si tam zgradimo hišo in tam živimo.
10:02
It is to put on some galoshesKaljače
220
587000
4000
Namen je, da si nataknemo galoše
10:06
and walkhodi throughskozi and find our way around.
221
591000
3000
in prečkamo močvirje in najdemo svojo pot.
10:11
Here'sTukaj je why.
222
596000
2000
In sicer zato.
10:15
We heardslišal the mostnajbolj compellingnujni call ever
223
600000
2000
Slišali smo najbolj prepričljiv poziv,
10:17
to have a conversationpogovor in this countrydržava,
224
602000
3000
da se v tej državi
10:20
and I think globallyglobalno,
225
605000
2000
in tudi globalno
10:22
around racedirka, right?
226
607000
2000
pogovorimo o rasi, kajne?
10:24
Yes? We heardslišal that.
227
609000
2000
Kajne? To smo slišali.
10:26
Yes?
228
611000
2000
Kajne?
10:28
CannotNe more have that conversationpogovor withoutbrez shamesram,
229
613000
3000
Tega pogovora ne moremo imeti brez sramu,
10:31
because you cannotne morem talk about racedirka withoutbrez talkinggovoriti about privilegeprivilegij.
230
616000
3000
ker ne moreš govoriti o rasi,
ne da bi govoril o privilegiranosti.
10:34
And when people startZačni talkinggovoriti about privilegeprivilegij,
231
619000
3000
In ko ljudje začnejo govoriti
o privilegiranosti,
10:37
they get paralyzedparaliziran by shamesram.
232
622000
2000
jih paralizira sram.
10:39
We heardslišal a brilliantsijajno simplepreprosto solutionrešitev
233
624000
2000
Slišali smo briljantno preprosto rešitev,
10:41
to not killingubijanje people in surgeryoperacija,
234
626000
2000
kako ne ubiti človeka med operacijo.
10:43
whichki is have a checklistkontrolni seznam.
235
628000
2000
Imeti je treba seznam.
10:45
You can't fixpopravi that problemproblem withoutbrez addressingobravnavanje shamesram,
236
630000
3000
Tega problema ne moreš rešiti,
ne da bi se lotil sramu.
10:48
because when they teachučiti those folksljudje how to suturešivanje,
237
633000
4000
Ko te kirurge učijo, kako narediti šive,
10:52
they alsotudi teachučiti them how to stitchšiv theirnjihovi self-worthlastne vrednosti
238
637000
3000
jih naučijo tudi,
kako svoje samospoštovanje prišiti
10:55
to beingbiti all-powerfulvsemogočna.
239
640000
2000
na to, da so vsemogočni.
10:57
And all-powerfulvsemogočna folksljudje don't need checklistskontrolni seznami.
240
642000
4000
In vsemogočni ljudje ne potrebujejo
nobenih seznamov.
11:02
And I had to writepiši down the nameime of this TEDTED FellowKolegi
241
647000
2000
Morala sem si zapisati ime tega TED člana,
11:04
so I didn't messnered it up here.
242
649000
2000
da se ne bi zmotila na odru.
11:06
MyshkinMiškin IngawaleIngawale,
243
651000
2000
Myshkin Ingawale.
11:08
I hopeupanje I did right by you.
244
653000
2000
Upam, da sem to prav rekla.
11:10
(ApplauseAplavz)
245
655000
3000
(Aplavz)
11:13
I saw the TEDTED FellowsRaziskovalci my first day here.
246
658000
2000
TED člane sem videla prvi dan konference.
11:15
And he got up and he explainedpojasnil
247
660000
2000
Vstal je in pojasnil,
11:17
how he was drivenpogon to createustvarite
248
662000
2000
kako se je odločil ustvariti
11:19
some technologytehnologijo to help testtest for anemiaanemija
249
664000
2000
tehnologijo za testiranje slabokrvnosti,
11:21
because people were dyingumiranje unnecessarilynepotrebno.
250
666000
2000
ker so ljudje umirali po nepotrebnem
11:23
And he said, "I saw this need.
251
668000
2000
Rekel je, "Videl sem, da obstaja potreba.
11:25
So you know what I did? I madeizdelane it."
252
670000
2000
In veste, kaj sem naredil?
Ustvaril sem to."
11:27
And everybodyvsi just burstPočil sem into applauseaplavz, and they were like "Yes!"
253
672000
3000
In vsi so mu začeli ploskati.
11:30
And he said, "And it didn't work.
254
675000
3000
In potem je rekel: "Ampak ni delovala.
11:33
And then I madeizdelane it 32 more timeskrat,
255
678000
4000
Potem sem jo naredil še dvaintridesetkrat.
11:37
and then it workeddelal."
256
682000
2000
In potem je delovala."
11:39
You know what the bigvelik secretskrivnost about TEDTED is?
257
684000
2000
Veste kaj je velika skrivnost TED-a?
11:41
I can't wait to tell people this.
258
686000
2000
Komaj čakam, da ljudem tole povem.
11:43
I guessugibati I'm doing it right now.
259
688000
2000
No, to pravkar počnem.
11:45
(LaughterSmeh)
260
690000
2000
(Smeh)
11:47
This is like the failureneuspeh conferencekonferenca.
261
692000
2000
To je konferenca o neuspehu.
11:49
No, it is.
262
694000
2000
Ne, res je.
11:51
(ApplauseAplavz)
263
696000
3000
(Aplavz)
11:54
You know why this placemesto is amazingneverjetno?
264
699000
3000
Veste, zakaj je ta kraj tako čudovit?
11:57
Because very fewmalo people here
265
702000
2000
Ker je tu zelo malo ljudi,
11:59
are afraidstrah to failneuspeh.
266
704000
2000
ki se bojijo neuspeha.
12:01
And no one who getsdobi on the stagestopnja, so fardaleč that I've seenvidel, has not failedni uspelo.
267
706000
4000
Nihče, ki sem ga do zdaj videla na odru,
ni brez neuspehov.
12:05
I've failedni uspelo miserablyžalostno, manyveliko timeskrat.
268
710000
3000
Meni je velikokrat prav bedno spodletelo.
12:08
I don't think the worldsvet understandsrazume that
269
713000
3000
Mislim, da svet tega ne razume
12:11
because of shamesram.
270
716000
2000
zaradi sramu.
12:13
There's a great quotekvota that savedshranjeno me this pastpreteklost yearleto
271
718000
2000
V tem letu me je rešila sijajna misel,
12:15
by TheodoreTheodore RooseveltRoosevelt.
272
720000
3000
ki jo je izrekel Theodore Roosevelt.
12:18
A lot of people referglej to it as the "Man in the ArenaArena" quotekvota.
273
723000
3000
Mnogi ta citat imenujejo "Mož v areni".
12:21
And it goesgre like this:
274
726000
2000
In glasi se takole:
12:23
"It is not the critickritik who countsšteje.
275
728000
2000
"Ni kritik tisti, ki šteje;
12:25
It is not the man who sitssedi and pointstočke out
276
730000
3000
ne mož, ki s prstom kaže na močnejšega,
12:28
how the doerstorilec of deedsdejanja could have doneKončano things better
277
733000
2000
kako pade,
12:30
and how he fallspade and stumblesspotakne.
278
735000
2000
ali kako bi lahko nekdo opravil bolje.
12:32
The creditkredit goesgre to the man in the arenaarena
279
737000
3000
Zasluge pripadajo tistemu,
ki je dejansko v areni,
12:35
whosečigar faceobraz is marrednegativno
280
740000
2000
čigar obraz je zamazan
12:37
with dustprah and bloodkri and sweatznoj.
281
742000
3000
s prahom in s potom in krvjo.
12:40
But when he's in the arenaarena,
282
745000
2000
Ampak, ko je v areni,
12:42
at bestnajboljši he winszmaga,
283
747000
3000
v najboljšem primeru nazadnje
okusi zmagoslavje velikega uspeha
12:45
and at worstnajhujše he losesizgubi,
284
750000
3000
in v najslabšem primeru,
12:48
but when he failsne uspe, when he losesizgubi,
285
753000
2000
v primeru, da mu ne uspe,
12:50
he does so daringdrzne greatlyzelo."
286
755000
3000
vsaj ve, da si je veliko upal."
12:53
And that's what this conferencekonferenca, to me, is about.
287
758000
3000
In zame je ta konferenca o tem.
12:56
That's what life is about, about daringdrzne greatlyzelo,
288
761000
2000
V življenju se gre za to,
da si upamo več,
12:58
about beingbiti in the arenaarena.
289
763000
2000
da stopimo v areno.
13:00
When you walkhodi up to that arenaarena and you put your handroka on the doorvrata,
290
765000
3000
Ko prideš do te arene
in položiš roko na vrata
13:03
and you think, "I'm going in and I'm going to try this,"
291
768000
2000
in si misliš, "Stopil bom noter
in poskusil tole,"
13:05
shamesram is the gremlinGremlin
292
770000
2000
je sram tisto bitje v tvoji glavi,
13:07
who sayspravi, "Uh, uh.
293
772000
2000
ki reče, "Ne pa ne.
13:09
You're not good enoughdovolj.
294
774000
2000
Nisi dovolj dober.
13:11
You never finishedkončal that MBAMBA. Your wifežena left you.
295
776000
3000
Nikoli nisi končal študija MBA.
Žena te je zapustila.
13:14
I know your dadOče really wasn'tni bilo in LuxembourgLuksemburg,
296
779000
2000
Vem, da tvoj oče v resnici
ni bil v Luksemburgu.
13:16
he was in SingPojejo SingPojejo.
297
781000
4000
Bil je v zaporu Sing Sing.
13:20
I know those things that happenedse je zgodilo to you growingrastoče up.
298
785000
3000
Vem za vse tiste stvari,
ki so se zgodile, ko si odraščal.
13:23
I know you don't think that you're prettylepa enoughdovolj
299
788000
2000
Vem, da ne misliš, da si dovolj lepa
13:25
or smartpameten enoughdovolj or talentednadarjen enoughdovolj or powerfulmočno enoughdovolj.
300
790000
3000
ali dovolj pametna ali dovolj nadarjena
ali dovolj močna.
13:28
I know your dadOče never paidplačani attentionpozornost, even when you madeizdelane CFOCFO."
301
793000
4000
Vem, da se tvoj oče nikoli ni zmenil zate,
niti ko si postal šef finančne službe.
13:32
ShameSramota is that thing.
302
797000
3000
Sram je tisti.
13:35
And if we can quiettih it down and walkhodi in
303
800000
3000
In če ga lahko utišamo in vstopimo v areno
13:38
and say, "I'm going to do this,"
304
803000
4000
in rečemo, "To bom storil."
13:42
we look up and the critickritik that we see
305
807000
2000
pogledamo gor in ta kritik, ki ga vidimo,
13:44
pointingobrnjena and laughingsmeh,
306
809000
2000
kako kaže s prstom in se posmehuje,
13:46
99 percentodstotkov of the time is who?
307
811000
3000
smo 99 odstotkov časa
13:49
Us.
308
814000
3000
mi sami.
13:52
ShameSramota drivespogoni two bigvelik tapestrakovi --
309
817000
2000
Sram nam predvaja dve glavni kaseti --
13:54
"never good enoughdovolj"
310
819000
2000
"nikoli dovolj dober"
13:56
and, if you can talk it out of that one,
311
821000
2000
in, če ga lahko pregovoriš, da to ni res,
13:58
"who do you think you are?"
312
823000
3000
"kdo pa misliš, da si?"
14:02
The thing to understandrazumeti about shamesram is it's not guiltkrivde.
313
827000
2000
O sramu je treba razumeti,
da to ni krivda.
14:04
ShameSramota is a focusosredotočiti on selfjaz, guiltkrivde is a focusosredotočiti on behaviorvedenje.
314
829000
3000
Sram pomeni osredotočanje nase,
krivda se osredotoča na vedenje.
14:07
ShameSramota is "I am badslab."
315
832000
2000
Sram pravi:"Slab sem."
14:09
GuiltKrivde is "I did something badslab."
316
834000
3000
Krivda pravi: "Naredil sem nekaj slabega."
14:12
How manyveliko of you,
317
837000
2000
Koliko med vami,
14:14
if you did something that was hurtfulškodljiv to me,
318
839000
2000
če bi naredili nekaj, kar bi me prizadelo,
14:16
would be willingpripravljen to say, "I'm sorry. I madeizdelane a mistakenapaka?"
319
841000
2000
mi bi reklo: "Oprosti. Zmotil sem se."
14:18
How manyveliko of you would be willingpripravljen to say that?
320
843000
3000
Koliko bi vas bilo pripravljenih to reči?
14:21
GuiltKrivde: I'm sorry. I madeizdelane a mistakenapaka.
321
846000
3000
Krivda: "Oprosti. Naredil sem napako."
14:24
ShameSramota: I'm sorry. I am a mistakenapaka.
322
849000
4000
Sram: "Oprosti. Jaz sem napaka."
14:28
There's a hugeogromno differenceRazlika betweenmed shamesram and guiltkrivde.
323
853000
2000
Med sramom in krivdo je ogromna razlika.
14:30
And here'sTukaj je what you need to know.
324
855000
2000
In tole morate vedeti.
14:32
ShameSramota is highlyvisoko, highlyvisoko correlatedkorelirana
325
857000
3000
Sram je močno, močno povezan
14:35
with addictionodvisnosti, depressiondepresija, violencenasilje, aggressionagresije,
326
860000
3000
z zasvojenostjo, depresijo,
nasiljem, agresivnostjo,
14:38
bullyingustrahovanje, suicidesamomor, eatingjedo disordersmotnje.
327
863000
4000
ustrahovanjem, samomorom,
motnjami hranjenja.
14:42
And here'sTukaj je what you even need to know more.
328
867000
2000
Tole morate še bolj nujno vedeti.
14:44
GuiltKrivde, inverselyobratno correlatedkorelirana with those things.
329
869000
3000
Med temi rečmi in krivdo
obstaja obratna korelacija.
14:49
The abilitysposobnost to holddržite something we'vesmo doneKončano or failedni uspelo to do
330
874000
3000
Sposobnost, da nekaj kar smo storili
ali nam je spodletelo
14:52
up againstproti who we want to be
331
877000
2000
primerjamo s tem, kakšni bi radi bili
14:54
is incrediblyneverjetno adaptiveprilagodljivo.
332
879000
2000
je neverjetno prilagojeno vedenje.
14:56
It's uncomfortableneprijetno, but it's adaptiveprilagodljivo.
333
881000
3000
Ni prijetno, je pa prilagojeno.
15:02
The other thing you need to know about shamesram
334
887000
2000
Druga stvar, ki jo morate vedeti o sramu,
15:04
is it's absolutelyabsolutno organizedorganizirano by genderspol.
335
889000
3000
je, da je absolutno organiziran
glede na spol.
15:07
If shamesram washesopere over me and washesopere over ChrisChris,
336
892000
3000
Če mene ali Chrisa oblije sram,
15:10
it's going to feel the sameenako.
337
895000
3000
bo občutek isti.
15:13
EveryoneVsi sittingsedi in here knowsve the warmtoplo washpranje of shamesram.
338
898000
3000
Vsi, ki sedimo tu,
poznamo vroč občutek sramu.
15:16
We're prettylepa sure that the only people who don't experienceizkušnje shamesram
339
901000
2000
Edini ljudje, ki ne občutijo sramu
15:18
are people who have no capacityzmogljivost
340
903000
2000
so ljudje, ki nimajo zmožnosti
15:20
for connectionpovezavo or empathysočutje.
341
905000
2000
za povezanost in empatijo.
15:22
WhichKi meanssredstva, yes, I have a little shamesram;
342
907000
2000
Kar pomeni: da, občutim nekaj sramu,
15:24
no, I'm a sociopathsociopat.
343
909000
2000
ne, sociopat sem.
15:26
So I would optopt for, yes, you have a little shamesram.
344
911000
3000
Med tem dvojim bi izbrala malo sramu.
15:32
ShameSramota feelspočuti the sameenako for menmoški and womenženske,
345
917000
2000
Občutek sramu je isti za moške in ženske,
15:34
but it's organizedorganizirano by genderspol.
346
919000
2000
vendar je sram organiziran glede na spol.
15:36
For womenženske,
347
921000
2000
Za ženske
15:38
the bestnajboljši exampleprimer I can give you
348
923000
2000
je najboljši primer,
15:40
is EnjoliEnjoli
349
925000
2000
ki vam ga lahko dam,
15:42
the commercialkomercialni:
350
927000
2000
reklama za parfum Enjoli:
15:44
"I can put the washpranje on the lineline,
351
929000
2000
Lahko obesim perilo,
15:46
packpakiranje the luncheskosila, handroka out the kissespoljubi
352
931000
2000
pripravim malice, razdelim poljubčke.
15:48
and be at work at fivepet to ninedevet.
353
933000
2000
in pridem v službo pet minut do devetih.
15:50
I can bringprinesi home the baconslanino, frypoprgnite it up in the panpan
354
935000
3000
Domov prinesem plačo, skuham večerjo
15:53
and never let you forgetpozabi you're a man."
355
938000
3000
in ti še vedno pustim biti moški.
15:56
For womenženske, shamesram is do it all,
356
941000
2000
Ženskam sram pravi: "Vse naredi,
15:58
do it perfectlypopolnoma
357
943000
2000
naredi brezhibno,
16:00
and never let them see you sweatznoj.
358
945000
3000
in ne dovoli, da bi videli tvoj napor."
16:03
I don't know how much perfumeparfum that commercialkomercialni soldprodano,
359
948000
3000
Ne vem, koliko parfuma
so prodali s to reklamo,
16:06
but I guaranteejamstvo you,
360
951000
2000
vendar vam zagotavjam,
da so prodali veliko antidepresivov
in zdravil za anksioznost.
16:08
it movedpreselil a lot of antidepressantsantidepresivi and anti-anxietyanti-anksioznost medszdravila.
361
953000
2000
16:10
(LaughterSmeh)
362
955000
3000
(Smeh)
16:14
ShameSramota, for womenženske, is this websplet
363
959000
3000
Sram je za ženske nekakšna mreža
16:17
of unobtainableni mogoče pridobiti, conflictingnasprotujočih si, competingtekmujejo expectationspričakovanja
364
962000
3000
nedosegljivih,
nasprotujočih si pričakovanj,
16:20
about who we're supposeddomnevno to be.
365
965000
3000
kakšne bi morale biti.
16:24
And it's a straight-jacketnaravnost jakno.
366
969000
2000
In to je prisilni jopič.
16:26
For menmoški,
367
971000
2000
Za moške
16:28
shamesram is not a bunchkup of competingtekmujejo, conflictingnasprotujočih si expectationspričakovanja.
368
973000
3000
sram ni skupek nedosegljivih,
nasprotujočih si pričakovanj.
16:31
ShameSramota is one,
369
976000
2000
Sram je samo ena stvar.
16:33
do not be perceiveddojema as what?
370
978000
3000
Ne smejo te imeti za kakšnega?
16:36
WeakŠibka.
371
981000
2000
Šibkega.
16:38
I did not interviewintervju menmoški for the first fourštiri yearslet of my studyštudija.
372
983000
3000
Prva štiri leta moje raziskave
nisem intervjuvala moških.
Nato mi je nek moški,
ko sem podpisovala knjige,
16:41
And it wasn'tni bilo untildo a man lookedpogledal at me one day after a bookknjigo signingpodpis,
373
986000
2000
16:43
said, "I love what you have to say about shamesram,
374
988000
2000
rekel: "Navdušen sem nad vašimi
opažanji o sramu,
16:45
I'm curiousradoveden why you didn't mentionomeniti menmoški."
375
990000
2000
vendar me zanima,
zakaj niste omenili moških.
16:47
And I said, "I don't studyštudija menmoški."
376
992000
3000
In odvrnila sem: "Ne proučujem moških."
16:50
And he said, "That's convenientpriročno."
377
995000
2000
In on je rekel: "To je priročno."
16:52
(LaughterSmeh)
378
997000
3000
(Smeh)
16:55
And I said, "Why?"
379
1000000
2000
Vprašala sem ga, zakaj,
16:57
And he said, "Because you say to reachdoseči out,
380
1002000
3000
in odgovoril je:"Ker pravite,
naj se obrnemo na druge,
17:00
tell our storyzgodba,
381
1005000
2000
povemo svojo zgodbo,
17:02
be vulnerableranljivi.
382
1007000
3000
smo ranljivi.
Vidite, te knjige, ki ste jih
pravkar podpisali
17:05
But you see those booksknjige you just signedpodpisano
383
1010000
2000
17:07
for my wifežena and my threetri daughtershčere?"
384
1012000
2000
za mojo ženo in tri hčere?"
17:09
I said, "Yeah."
385
1014000
2000
Rekla sem: "Ja."
17:11
"They'dBi jih ratherprecej me dieumreti on topna vrh of my whitebela horsekonj
386
1016000
3000
"Raje bi videle, da umrem,
ko sem na konju,
17:14
than watch me fallpadec down.
387
1019000
3000
kot da bi me videle pasti z njega.
17:17
When we reachdoseči out and be vulnerableranljivi
388
1022000
3000
Ko se obrnemo na druge in smo ranljivi,
17:20
we get the shitsranje beatpremagati out of us.
389
1025000
2000
nas pretepejo.
17:22
And don't tell me
390
1027000
2000
In ne govorite mi,
17:24
it's from the guys and the coachestrenerji and the dadsočete,
391
1029000
4000
da to prihaja od moških
in trenerjev in očetov,
17:28
because the womenženske in my life are hardertežje on me than anyonekdorkoli elsedrugače."
392
1033000
4000
ker so ženske v mojem življenju
bolj stroge do mene kot kdorkoli drug."
17:32
So I startedzačel interviewinganketiranje menmoški
393
1037000
2000
In tako sem začela intervjuvati moške
17:34
and askingsprašujem questionsvprašanja.
394
1039000
2000
in jim zastavljati vprašanja.
17:36
And what I learnednaučili is this:
395
1041000
3000
Izvedela sem tole:
17:39
You showshow me a womanženska who can actuallydejansko sitsedi with a man
396
1044000
2000
Če mi pokažete žensko,
ki lahko sedi z moškim,
17:41
in realresnično vulnerabilityranljivost and fearstrah,
397
1046000
2000
ki ji zares pokaže svoj strah
in ranljivost,
17:43
I'll showshow you a womanženska who'skdo je doneKončano incredibleneverjetno work.
398
1048000
4000
vam bom pokazala žensko,
ki je opravila neverjetno delo.
17:47
You showshow me a man who can sitsedi with a womanženska
399
1052000
2000
Če mi pokažete moškega,
ki lahko sedi z žensko,
17:49
who'skdo je just had it,
400
1054000
2000
ki ima zadosti,
17:51
she can't do it all anymoreveč,
401
1056000
3000
ki ne more več sama postoriti vsega,
17:54
and his first responseodziv is not,
402
1059000
2000
in njegov prvi odgovor ni:
17:56
"I unloadedrazkladanje the dishwasherpomivalni stroj,"
403
1061000
3000
"Jaz sem izpraznil pomivalni stroj."
17:59
but he really listensposluša --
404
1064000
3000
Ampak jo res posluša --
18:02
because that's all we need --
405
1067000
2000
to je namreč vse kar potrebujemo --
18:04
I'll showshow you a guy who'skdo je doneKončano a lot of work.
406
1069000
2000
vam bom pokazala moškega, ki je
naredil veliko.
18:06
ShameSramota is an epidemicepidemija in our culturekulturo.
407
1071000
3000
Sram je epidemija v naši kulturi
18:11
And to get out from underneathspodaj it,
408
1076000
5000
in če se ga želimo osvoboditi
18:16
to find our way back to eachvsak other,
409
1081000
2000
in najti pot nazaj drug k drugemu,
18:18
we have to understandrazumeti how it affectsvpliva us
410
1083000
2000
moramo razumeti, kako vpliva na nas
18:20
and how it affectsvpliva the way we're parentingstarševstvo,
411
1085000
3000
in kako vpliva na to,
kako vzgajamo svoje otroke,
18:23
the way we're workingdelo, the way we're looking at eachvsak other.
412
1088000
4000
kako delamo,
kako gledamo drug na drugega.
18:27
Very quicklyhitro, some researchraziskave by MahalikMahalik at BostonBoston CollegeKolegij.
413
1092000
4000
Čisto na hitro o raziskavi, ki jo je
na Bostonskem kolidžu izvedel Mahalik.
18:31
He askedvprašal, what do womenženske need to do to conformv skladu s to femaležensko normsnorme?
414
1096000
3000
Vprašal je, kaj morajo ženske storiti,
da dosežejo ženstvene standarde.
18:34
The topna vrh answersodgovore in this countrydržava:
415
1099000
4000
Najpogostejši odgovori v tej državi:
18:38
nicelepo, thintanek, modestskromno
416
1103000
2000
prijazna, vitka, skromna
18:40
and use all availablena voljo resourcesvirov for appearancevidez.
417
1105000
3000
in uporabi vsa možna sredstva,
da bi polepšala svoj videz.
18:43
When he askedvprašal about menmoški,
418
1108000
2000
Ko je isto vprašal za moške,
18:45
what do menmoški in this countrydržava need to do
419
1110000
2000
kaj morajo storiti moški v tej državi,
18:47
to conformv skladu s with malemoški normsnorme,
420
1112000
2000
da dosežejo moški standard,
18:49
the answersodgovore were:
421
1114000
2000
so bili odgovori:
18:51
always showshow emotionalčustveno controlnadzor, work is first,
422
1116000
3000
vedno obvladaj svoja čustva,
postavi delo na prvo mesto,
18:54
pursueslediti statusstanje and violencenasilje.
423
1119000
3000
išči družbeni status in nasilje.
18:57
If we're going to find our way back to eachvsak other,
424
1122000
3000
Če se želimo vrniti drug k drugemu,
19:00
we have to understandrazumeti and know empathysočutje,
425
1125000
3000
moramo razumeti in poznati sočutje,
19:03
because empathy'sempatija je the antidoteprotistrup to shamesram.
426
1128000
2000
ker je sočutje zdravilo za sram.
19:05
If you put shamesram in a PetriPetri dishjed,
427
1130000
2000
Če bi sram dali v petrijevko,
19:07
it needspotrebe threetri things to growrastejo exponentiallyeksponentno:
428
1132000
3000
bi potreboval tri stvari
za eksponentno rast:
19:10
secrecytajnost, silencetišina and judgmentobsodba.
429
1135000
2000
skrivanje, tišino in obsojanje.
19:12
If you put the sameenako amountznesek of shamesram in a PetriPetri dishjed and douseZagnjuriti it with empathysočutje,
430
1137000
3000
Če bi sram prelili s sočutjem,
19:15
it can't survivepreživeti.
431
1140000
2000
ne bi mogel preživeti.
19:17
The two mostnajbolj powerfulmočno wordsbesede when we're in struggleboj:
432
1142000
3000
Najmočnejši besedi,
ko se z nečim spopadamo:
19:20
me too.
433
1145000
2000
"Jaz tudi."
19:22
And so I'll leavedopust you with this thought.
434
1147000
3000
Za konec bi rada delila tole misel.
19:25
If we're going to find our way
435
1150000
2000
Če si želimo najti pot
19:27
back to eachvsak other,
436
1152000
3000
nazaj drug k drugemu,
19:30
vulnerabilityranljivost is going to be that pathpot.
437
1155000
4000
bo ta pot ranljivost.
19:34
And I know it's seductivezapeljiva to standstojalo outsidezunaj the arenaarena,
438
1159000
2000
Vem, da nas mika stati zunaj arene,
19:36
because I think I did it my wholeceloto life,
439
1161000
2000
ker mislim, da sem to počela
celo življenje,
19:38
and think to myselfjaz,
440
1163000
2000
in si pri tem mislila,
"Šla bom tja noter in jim pokazala,
kako to gre,
19:40
I'm going to go in there and kickkick some assrit
441
1165000
2000
19:42
when I'm bulletproofneprebojno and when I'm perfectpopolno.
442
1167000
4000
takoj ko postanem neprebojna in popolna."
19:46
And that is seductivezapeljiva.
443
1171000
2000
In ta ideja je privlačna,
19:48
But the truthresnica is that never happensse zgodi.
444
1173000
3000
ampak v resnici se to nikoli ne zgodi.
Tudi če bi prišel kar se da blizu
popolnosti
19:51
And even if you got as perfectpopolno as you could
445
1176000
2000
19:53
and as bulletproofneprebojno as you could possiblymorda musterzbirni
446
1178000
2000
in kar se da blizu neprebojnosti,
19:55
when you got in there,
447
1180000
2000
ko bi vstopil v areno,
19:57
that's not what we want to see.
448
1182000
4000
to ne bi bilo tisto, kar si želimo videti.
20:01
We want you to go in.
449
1186000
3000
Želimo, da stopiš noter.
20:04
We want to be with you and acrossčez from you.
450
1189000
3000
Želimo biti s teboj
20:07
And we just want,
451
1192000
2000
in vse kar si želimo,
20:09
for ourselvessami and the people we carenego about
452
1194000
2000
zase in za ljudi, za katere nam je mar,
20:11
and the people we work with,
453
1196000
2000
in za ljudi, s katerimi delamo,
20:13
to daredrzni greatlyzelo.
454
1198000
2000
je da si upajo več.
20:15
So thank you all very much. I really appreciatecenite it.
455
1200000
3000
Najlepša hvala vsem. Res sem vam hvaležna.
20:18
(ApplauseAplavz)
456
1203000
14000
(Aplavz)
Translated by Pia Pirc Žagar
Reviewed by Nika Kotnik

▲Back to top

ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Brené Brown - Vulnerability researcher
Brené Brown studies vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame.

Why you should listen

Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent the past ten years studying vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. She spent the first five years of her decade-long study focusing on shame and empathy, and is now using that work to explore a concept that she calls Wholeheartedness. She poses the questions:

How do we learn to embrace our vulnerabilities and imperfections so that we can engage in our lives from a place of authenticity and worthiness? How do we cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection that we need to recognize that we are enough – that we are worthy of love, belonging, and joy?

Read the TED Blog's Q&A with Brené Brown >>

More profile about the speaker
Brené Brown | Speaker | TED.com
THE ORIGINAL VIDEO ON TED.COM