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Robert Waldinger: What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness
Robert Waldinger: Kaj ustvari dobro življenje? Lekcije iz najdaljše raziskave o sreči
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Kaj nas ohranja srečne in zdrave, ko gremo skozi življenje? Če mislite, da sta to slava in denar, niste edini - vendar ste po prepričanju psihiatra Roberta Waldingerja v zmoti. Kot direktor 75-let dolge raziskave o odraslem razvoju ima Waldinger edinstven vpogled v podatke o resnični sreči in zadovoljstvu. V tem svojem govoru z nami deli tri pomembne lekcije, ki se jih je naučil iz raziskave, kot tudi nekaj praktičnih modrosti, starih kot svet, kako zgraditi izpopolnjujoče, dolgo življenje.
Robert Waldinger - Psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, Zen priest
Robert Waldinger is the Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the most comprehensive longitudinal studies in history. Full bio
Robert Waldinger is the Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the most comprehensive longitudinal studies in history. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
What keeps us healthy and happy
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Kaj nas ohranja zdrave in srečne
00:15
as we go through life?
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ko gremo skozi življenje?
00:18
If you were going to invest now
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Če bi ta trenutek investirali
00:21
in your future best self,
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v najboljšega sebe v prihodnosti,
00:23
where would you put your time
and your energy?
and your energy?
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kam bi vložili svoj čas in energijo?
00:27
There was a recent survey of millennials
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Nedavno so anketirali generacijo Y
00:29
asking them what their
most important life goals were,
most important life goals were,
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z vprašanjem, kaj so njihovi
najbolj pomembni cilji v življenju,
najbolj pomembni cilji v življenju,
00:34
and over 80 percent said
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in več kot 80-odstotkov jih je reklo,
00:36
that a major life goal for them
was to get rich.
was to get rich.
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da je njihov glavni življenjski cilj to,
da postanejo bogati.
da postanejo bogati.
00:40
And another 50 percent
of those same young adults
of those same young adults
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Prav tako je 50-odstotkov teh
mladih odraslih
mladih odraslih
00:45
said that another major life goal
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reklo, da je drug pomemben
življenjski cilj to,
življenjski cilj to,
00:47
was to become famous.
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da postanejo slavni.
00:50
(Laughter)
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(smeh)
00:52
And we're constantly told
to lean in to work, to push harder
to lean in to work, to push harder
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Nenehno nam govorijo,
da moramo še bolj delati, se še bolj gnati
da moramo še bolj delati, se še bolj gnati
00:58
and achieve more.
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in še več doseči.
01:00
We're given the impression that these
are the things that we need to go after
are the things that we need to go after
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Dobivamo vtis, da so to
tiste stvari, za katerimi moramo iti,
tiste stvari, za katerimi moramo iti,
01:04
in order to have a good life.
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da bomo imeli dobro življenje.
01:06
Pictures of entire lives,
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Slike celotnih življenj,
01:08
of the choices that people make
and how those choices work out for them,
and how those choices work out for them,
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odločitev, ki jih ljudje sprejemajo
in kako se jim te odločitve obrestujejo,
in kako se jim te odločitve obrestujejo,
01:13
those pictures
are almost impossible to get.
are almost impossible to get.
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te slike je skoraj nemogoče dobiti.
01:18
Most of what we know about human life
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Večino, kar vemo o človeškem življenju,
01:21
we know from asking people
to remember the past,
to remember the past,
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vemo iz tega, ko prosimo ljudi,
da se spomnijo preteklosti.
da se spomnijo preteklosti.
01:24
and as we know, hindsight
is anything but 20/20.
is anything but 20/20.
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in, kot vemo, pogled nazaj
še zdaleč ni 20/20.
še zdaleč ni 20/20.
01:29
We forget vast amounts
of what happens to us in life,
of what happens to us in life,
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Pozabimo ogromno,
kar se nam je zgodilo v življenju,
kar se nam je zgodilo v življenju,
01:33
and sometimes memory
is downright creative.
is downright creative.
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včasih pa je spomin tudi
naravnost kreativen.
naravnost kreativen.
01:36
But what if we could watch entire lives
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Ampak, kaj če bi lahko gledali
celotna življenja,
celotna življenja,
01:41
as they unfold through time?
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medtem, ko se odvijajo skozi čas?
01:44
What if we could study people
from the time that they were teenagers
from the time that they were teenagers
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Kaj če bi lahko preučevali ljudi
od časa, ko so bili najstniki,
od časa, ko so bili najstniki,
01:48
all the way into old age
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vse do starih let,
01:50
to see what really keeps people
happy and healthy?
happy and healthy?
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da bi lahko videli, kaj v resnici
dela ljudi srečne in zdrave?
dela ljudi srečne in zdrave?
01:55
We did that.
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To smo naredili.
01:57
The Harvard Study of Adult Development
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Harvardska raziskava odraslega razvoja
01:59
may be the longest study
of adult life that's ever been done.
of adult life that's ever been done.
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je morda najdaljša študija odraslega
življenja, ki je bila kdajkoli narejena.
življenja, ki je bila kdajkoli narejena.
02:05
For 75 years, we've tracked
the lives of 724 men,
the lives of 724 men,
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Že 75 let sledimo življenju 724 moških
02:13
year after year, asking about their work,
their home lives, their health,
their home lives, their health,
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in jih leto za letom sprašujemo o njihovem
delu, življenju doma in zdravju.
delu, življenju doma in zdravju.
02:17
and of course asking all along the way
without knowing how their life stories
without knowing how their life stories
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Seveda v vsem tem času nismo vedeli,
kako se bodo njihove življenjske zgodbe
kako se bodo njihove življenjske zgodbe
02:22
were going to turn out.
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obrnile.
02:25
Studies like this are exceedingly rare.
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Raziskave, kot je ta, so izjemno redke.
02:28
Almost all projects of this kind
fall apart within a decade
fall apart within a decade
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Skoraj vsi projekti te vrste
propadejo v enem desetletju,
propadejo v enem desetletju,
02:33
because too many people
drop out of the study,
drop out of the study,
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ker preveč ljudi izstopi iz raziskave,
02:36
or funding for the research dries up,
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ali se preneha financiranje raziskave,
02:39
or the researchers get distracted,
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ali raziskovalci študijo opustijo,
02:41
or they die, and nobody moves the ball
further down the field.
further down the field.
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ali umrejo in raziskave
nihče ne nadaljuje.
nihče ne nadaljuje.
02:46
But through a combination of luck
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Vendar je s kombinacijo sreče
02:48
and the persistence
of several generations of researchers,
of several generations of researchers,
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in vztrajnosti več generacij raziskovalcev
02:52
this study has survived.
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ta raziskava preživela.
02:54
About 60 of our original 724 men
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Okrog 60 od prvotnih 724 moških
02:59
are still alive,
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je še vedno živih
03:00
still participating in the study,
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in še vedno sodelujejo v raziskavi,
03:02
most of them in their 90s.
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in večina jih je v 90. letu starosti.
03:05
And we are now beginning to study
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Sedaj začenjamo raziskovati
03:07
the more than 2,000 children of these men.
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več kot 2000 otrok teh moških.
03:11
And I'm the fourth director of the study.
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Jaz sem četrti direktor te raziskave.
03:15
Since 1938, we've tracked the lives
of two groups of men.
of two groups of men.
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Od leta 1938 smo sledili življenju
dveh skupin moških.
dveh skupin moških.
03:20
The first group started in the study
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Prva skupina je začela z raziskavo
03:22
when they were sophomores
at Harvard College.
at Harvard College.
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ko so bili študenti na Univerzi Harvard.
03:25
They all finished college
during World War II,
during World War II,
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Med 2. svetovno vojno
so vsi dokočali študij
so vsi dokočali študij
03:27
and then most went off
to serve in the war.
to serve in the war.
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in večina jih je šla v vojno.
03:31
And the second group that we've followed
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Druga skupina, ki smo ji sledili,
03:33
was a group of boys
from Boston's poorest neighborhoods,
from Boston's poorest neighborhoods,
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je bila skupina fantov
iz najrevnejših predelov Bostona,
iz najrevnejših predelov Bostona,
03:37
boys who were chosen for the study
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fantov, ki so bili za raziskavo izbrani
03:39
specifically because they were
from some of the most troubled
from some of the most troubled
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posebej zato, ker so bili
iz nekaterih najbolj težavnih
iz nekaterih najbolj težavnih
03:43
and disadvantaged families
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in zapostavljenih družin
03:44
in the Boston of the 1930s.
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v Bostonu v 1930-tih.
03:47
Most lived in tenements,
many without hot and cold running water.
many without hot and cold running water.
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Večina jih je živela v najemu,
mnogi brez tekoče tople in hladne vode.
mnogi brez tekoče tople in hladne vode.
03:54
When they entered the study,
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Ko so vstopili v raziskavo,
03:56
all of these teenagers were interviewed.
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si bili vsi ti najstniki intervjuvani.
03:59
They were given medical exams.
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Opravili so zdravniške preglede.
04:01
We went to their homes
and we interviewed their parents.
and we interviewed their parents.
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Šli smo k njim domov
in intervjuvali njihove starše.
in intervjuvali njihove starše.
04:05
And then these teenagers
grew up into adults
grew up into adults
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Potem so ti najstniki
zrasli v odrasle ljudi,
zrasli v odrasle ljudi,
04:07
who entered all walks of life.
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ki so vstopi v vse družbene sloje.
04:10
They became factory workers and lawyers
and bricklayers and doctors,
and bricklayers and doctors,
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Postali so tovarniški delavci, odvetniki,
zidarji, zdravniki
zidarji, zdravniki
04:16
one President of the United States.
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in eden predsednik Združenih držav.
04:20
Some developed alcoholism.
A few developed schizophrenia.
A few developed schizophrenia.
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Nekateri so postali alkoholiki.
Nekaj jih je razvilo shizofrenijo.
Nekaj jih je razvilo shizofrenijo.
04:25
Some climbed the social ladder
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Nekateri so se povzpeli na socialni lestvi
04:27
from the bottom
all the way to the very top,
all the way to the very top,
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od dna, vse do samega vrha
04:30
and some made that journey
in the opposite direction.
in the opposite direction.
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in nekateri so to pot opravili
v nasprotni smeri.
v nasprotni smeri.
04:35
The founders of this study
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Ustanovitelji te raziskave
04:38
would never in their wildest dreams
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si niti v najbolj divjih sanjah
04:40
have imagined that I would be
standing here today, 75 years later,
standing here today, 75 years later,
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niso predstavljali, da bom jaz danes
stal tu, 75 let pozneje,
stal tu, 75 let pozneje,
04:45
telling you that
the study still continues.
the study still continues.
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in vam pripovedoval,
da raziskava še vedno poteka.
da raziskava še vedno poteka.
04:49
Every two years, our patient
and dedicated research staff
and dedicated research staff
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Vsaki dve leti naši potrpežljivi
in predani raziskovalci
in predani raziskovalci
04:52
calls up our men
and asks them if we can send them
and asks them if we can send them
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pokličejo te moške
in jih vprašajo, če jim lahko pošljemo
in jih vprašajo, če jim lahko pošljemo
04:56
yet one more set of questions
about their lives.
about their lives.
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še eno polo vprašanj
o njihovih življenjih.
o njihovih življenjih.
05:00
Many of the inner city Boston men ask us,
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Veliko moških iz Bostona nas vpraša:
05:03
"Why do you keep wanting to study me?
My life just isn't that interesting."
My life just isn't that interesting."
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"Zakaj me še vedno preučujete?
Moje življenje sploh ni tako zanimivo."
Moje življenje sploh ni tako zanimivo."
05:08
The Harvard men never ask that question.
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Moški iz Harvarda tega nikoli ne vprašajo.
05:11
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
05:20
To get the clearest picture
of these lives,
of these lives,
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Da bi lahko dobili najbolj jasno
sliko njihovih življenj,
sliko njihovih življenj,
05:23
we don't just send them questionnaires.
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jim ne pošljemo samo vprašalnikov.
05:26
We interview them in their living rooms.
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Intervjujamo jih v njihovih dnevnih sobah.
05:29
We get their medical records
from their doctors.
from their doctors.
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Pridobimo njihove zdravniške kartoteke.
05:32
We draw their blood, we scan their brains,
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Vzamemo jim kri, skeniramo jim možgane
05:34
we talk to their children.
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in govorimo z njihovimi otroci.
05:36
We videotape them talking with their wives
about their deepest concerns.
about their deepest concerns.
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Snemamo jih, ko se s soprogami
pogovarjajo o svojih najglobljih skrbeh.
pogovarjajo o svojih najglobljih skrbeh.
05:41
And when, about a decade ago,
we finally asked the wives
we finally asked the wives
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Ko smo pred desetletjem
končno vprašali njihove žene,
končno vprašali njihove žene,
05:45
if they would join us
as members of the study,
as members of the study,
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če bi se nam pridružile v raziskavi,
05:47
many of the women said,
"You know, it's about time."
"You know, it's about time."
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jih je veliko reklo:
"Veste, bi bil že skrajni čas."
"Veste, bi bil že skrajni čas."
05:50
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
05:51
So what have we learned?
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Kaj smo se torej naučili?
05:53
What are the lessons that come
from the tens of thousands of pages
from the tens of thousands of pages
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Kaj so lekcije, ki izhajajo
iz več deset tisoč strani
iz več deset tisoč strani
05:58
of information that we've generated
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informacij, ki smo jih zbrali
06:01
on these lives?
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o teh življenjih?
06:03
Well, the lessons aren't about wealth
or fame or working harder and harder.
or fame or working harder and harder.
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Torej, lekcije niso o bogastvu ali slavi
ali garanju več in bolj.
ali garanju več in bolj.
06:10
The clearest message that we get
from this 75-year study is this:
from this 75-year study is this:
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Najbolj jasno sporočilo, ki ga dobimo
iz te 75 letne raziskave je to:
iz te 75 letne raziskave je to:
06:16
Good relationships keep us
happier and healthier. Period.
happier and healthier. Period.
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Dobri odnosi nas ohranjajo
srečne in zdrave. Pika.
srečne in zdrave. Pika.
06:23
We've learned three big lessons
about relationships.
about relationships.
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Naučili smo se tri velike lekcije
o odnosih.
o odnosih.
06:26
The first is that social connections
are really good for us,
are really good for us,
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Prva je, da so družbene vezi
za nas resnično dobre
za nas resnično dobre
06:30
and that loneliness kills.
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in da osamljenost ubija.
06:33
It turns out that people
who are more socially connected
who are more socially connected
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Izkazalo se je, da so ljudje,
ki so bolj povezani
ki so bolj povezani
06:37
to family, to friends, to community,
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z družino, prijatelji in skupnostjo,
06:40
are happier, they're physically healthier,
and they live longer
and they live longer
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bolj srečni, bolj fizično zdravi
in živijo dlje,
in živijo dlje,
06:45
than people who are less well connected.
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kot ljudje, ki niso tako povezani.
06:48
And the experience of loneliness
turns out to be toxic.
turns out to be toxic.
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Doživljanje samote se je izkazalo
za strupeno.
za strupeno.
06:51
People who are more isolated
than they want to be from others
than they want to be from others
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Ljudje, ki so od drugih bolj izolirani,
kot si želijo,
kot si želijo,
06:57
find that they are less happy,
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so manj srečni,
07:00
their health declines earlier in midlife,
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njihovo zdravje upade prej,
07:03
their brain functioning declines sooner
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prej upade delovanje možganov
07:05
and they live shorter lives
than people who are not lonely.
than people who are not lonely.
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in živijo krajša življenja
kot ljudje, ki niso osamljeni.
kot ljudje, ki niso osamljeni.
07:10
And the sad fact
is that at any given time,
is that at any given time,
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Žalostno dejstvo je,
da se v vsakem trenutku
da se v vsakem trenutku
07:13
more than one in five Americans
will report that they're lonely.
will report that they're lonely.
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več kot eden izmed petih Američanov
počuti osamljenega.
počuti osamljenega.
07:19
And we know that you
can be lonely in a crowd
can be lonely in a crowd
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In vemo, da si lahko osamljen
tudi v množici
tudi v množici
07:21
and you can be lonely in a marriage,
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in da si lahko osamljen v zakonu,
07:24
so the second big lesson that we learned
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zato je druga velika naučena lekcija ta,
07:26
is that it's not just
the number of friends you have,
the number of friends you have,
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da ni pomembno samo to,
koliko prijateljev imamo
koliko prijateljev imamo
07:29
and it's not whether or not
you're in a committed relationship,
you're in a committed relationship,
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in to ali smo ali nismo
v partnerskem odnosu,
v partnerskem odnosu,
07:33
but it's the quality
of your close relationships that matters.
of your close relationships that matters.
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ampak je kvaliteta naših
bližnjih odnosov tista, ki šteje.
bližnjih odnosov tista, ki šteje.
07:38
It turns out that living in the midst
of conflict is really bad for our health.
of conflict is really bad for our health.
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Izkaže se, da je živeti v konfliktu
resnično slabo za naše zdravje.
resnično slabo za naše zdravje.
07:43
High-conflict marriages, for example,
without much affection,
without much affection,
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Zelo konfliktne zakonske zveze,
ki so brez naklonjenosti,
ki so brez naklonjenosti,
07:47
turn out to be very bad for our health,
perhaps worse than getting divorced.
perhaps worse than getting divorced.
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so zelo slabe za naše zdravje,
mogoče še slabše, kot ločitev.
mogoče še slabše, kot ločitev.
07:53
And living in the midst of good,
warm relationships is protective.
warm relationships is protective.
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Živeti v dobrem, toplem partnerskem
odnosu je varovalno.
odnosu je varovalno.
07:57
Once we had followed our men
all the way into their 80s,
all the way into their 80s,
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Ko smo sledili našim moškim
vse v njihova 80-ta
vse v njihova 80-ta
08:01
we wanted to look back at them at midlife
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smo pogledali nazaj v njihova
srednja leta,
srednja leta,
08:04
and to see if we could predict
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da bi videli, če lahko napovemo,
08:05
who was going to grow
into a happy, healthy octogenarian
into a happy, healthy octogenarian
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kdo bo odrasel v srečnega
in zdravega osemdesetletnika
in zdravega osemdesetletnika
08:09
and who wasn't.
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in kdo ne bo.
08:11
And when we gathered together
everything we knew about them
everything we knew about them
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Ko smo zbrali skupaj vse,
kar smo vedeli o njih
kar smo vedeli o njih
08:15
at age 50,
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pri njihovih 50-tih,
08:18
it wasn't their middle age
cholesterol levels
cholesterol levels
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ni bila raven holesterola tista,
08:20
that predicted how they
were going to grow old.
were going to grow old.
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ki je predvidela, kako bodo ostareli.
08:23
It was how satisfied they were
in their relationships.
in their relationships.
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Bilo je to, kako zadovoljni so
v svojih odnosih.
v svojih odnosih.
08:27
The people who were the most satisfied
in their relationships at age 50
in their relationships at age 50
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Ljudje, ki so bili najbolj zadovoljni
v svojih odnosih pri 50-tih,
v svojih odnosih pri 50-tih,
08:31
were the healthiest at age 80.
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so bili najbolj zdravi pri 80-tih.
08:35
And good, close relationships
seem to buffer us
seem to buffer us
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Kaže, da nas dobri
in tesni odnosi varujejo
in tesni odnosi varujejo
08:38
from some of the slings and arrows
of getting old.
of getting old.
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pred nekaterimi tegobami staranja.
08:42
Our most happily partnered men and women
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Moški in ženske v najbolj srečnih
partnerskih odnosih
partnerskih odnosih
08:46
reported, in their 80s,
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so v svojih 80-tih poročali,
08:48
that on the days
when they had more physical pain,
when they had more physical pain,
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da je bilo v dnevih,
ko so imeli več fizičnih bolečin,
ko so imeli več fizičnih bolečin,
08:51
their mood stayed just as happy.
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njihovo razpoloženje enako srečno.
08:54
But the people who were
in unhappy relationships,
in unhappy relationships,
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Ljudje, ki pa so bili
v nesrečnih odnosih,
v nesrečnih odnosih,
08:57
on the days when they
reported more physical pain,
reported more physical pain,
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so v dnevih, ko so poročali
o večji fizični bolečini,
o večji fizični bolečini,
09:00
it was magnified by more emotional pain.
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je bila ta še povečana z večjo
čustveno bolečino.
čustveno bolečino.
09:04
And the third big lesson that we learned
about relationships and our health
about relationships and our health
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Tretja velika lekcija, ki smo se jo
naučili o naših odnosih in zdravju,
naučili o naših odnosih in zdravju,
09:08
is that good relationships
don't just protect our bodies,
don't just protect our bodies,
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je ta, da dobri odnosi
ne ščitijo samo naših teles,
ne ščitijo samo naših teles,
09:12
they protect our brains.
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ščitijo tudi naše možgane.
09:14
It turns out that being
in a securely attached relationship
in a securely attached relationship
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Izkaže se, da varen
povezan partnerski odnos
povezan partnerski odnos
09:19
to another person in your 80s
is protective,
is protective,
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deluje zaščitno
09:23
that the people who are in relationships
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za osebi, ki sta v tem odnosu,
09:25
where they really feel they can count
on the other person in times of need,
on the other person in times of need,
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kjer resnično čutita, da se v stiski
lahko zaneseta drug na drugega.
lahko zaneseta drug na drugega.
09:29
those people's memories
stay sharper longer.
stay sharper longer.
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Spomini teh ljudi ostanejo
ostri dlje časa.
ostri dlje časa.
09:32
And the people in relationships
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Ljudje v partnerskih odnosih,
09:34
where they feel they really
can't count on the other one,
can't count on the other one,
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ki čutijo, da se ne morejo
zanesti na drugega,
zanesti na drugega,
09:37
those are the people who experience
earlier memory decline.
earlier memory decline.
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izkusijo zgodnejši upad spomina.
09:42
And those good relationships,
they don't have to be smooth all the time.
they don't have to be smooth all the time.
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Ni potrebno, da so dobri partnerski
odnosi ves čas gladki.
odnosi ves čas gladki.
09:46
Some of our octogenarian couples
could bicker with each other
could bicker with each other
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Nekateri naši 80-letni pari
so se lahko pričkali
so se lahko pričkali
09:49
day in and day out,
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dan za dnem,
09:51
but as long as they felt that they
could really count on the other
could really count on the other
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vendar, če so čutili, da se
lahko res zanesejo na drugega,
lahko res zanesejo na drugega,
09:54
when the going got tough,
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ko pridejo težki časi,
09:56
those arguments didn't take a toll
on their memories.
on their memories.
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ta prerekanja niso terjala davka
na njihove spomine.
na njihove spomine.
10:01
So this message,
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Torej je to sporočilo,
10:04
that good, close relationships
are good for our health and well-being,
are good for our health and well-being,
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da so dobri in tesni odnosi dobri
za naše zdravje in dobro počutje,
za naše zdravje in dobro počutje,
10:10
this is wisdom that's as old as the hills.
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modrost, ki je tako stara, kot svet.
10:13
Why is this so hard to get
and so easy to ignore?
and so easy to ignore?
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Zakaj je to tako težko dojeti
in tako zlahka spregledati?
in tako zlahka spregledati?
10:17
Well, we're human.
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No, smo pač ljudje.
10:19
What we'd really like is a quick fix,
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Hočemo hitre rešitve,
10:21
something we can get
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nekaj, kar lahko dobimo,
10:23
that'll make our lives good
and keep them that way.
and keep them that way.
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kar bo naredilo naša življenja
dobra in jih taka ohranila.
dobra in jih taka ohranila.
10:27
Relationships are messy
and they're complicated
and they're complicated
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Odnosi so neurejeni in komplicirani
10:30
and the hard work of tending
to family and friends,
to family and friends,
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in težko delo negovanja
družinskih in prijateljskih vezi,
družinskih in prijateljskih vezi,
10:34
it's not sexy or glamorous.
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ni seksi ali glamurozno.
10:37
It's also lifelong. It never ends.
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Je tudi vseživljenjsko.
Nikoli se ne konča.
Nikoli se ne konča.
10:40
The people in our 75-year study
who were the happiest in retirement
who were the happiest in retirement
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Ljudje v naši 75-letni študiji,
ki so bili v upokojitvi najsrečnejši,
ki so bili v upokojitvi najsrečnejši,
10:45
were the people who had actively worked
to replace workmates with new playmates.
to replace workmates with new playmates.
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so bili ljudje, ki so si poiskali
zamenjavo za sodelavce.
zamenjavo za sodelavce.
Kot generacija Y
v tisti nedavni raziskavi,
v tisti nedavni raziskavi,
10:51
Just like the millennials
in that recent survey,
in that recent survey,
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so številni naši moški
v začetku odraslega življenja
v začetku odraslega življenja
10:54
many of our men when they
were starting out as young adults
were starting out as young adults
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10:58
really believed that fame and wealth
and high achievement
and high achievement
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resnično verjeli, da so slava,
bogastvo in visoki dosežki,
bogastvo in visoki dosežki,
tisto, za čimer morajo iti, da bodo
imeli dobro življenje.
imeli dobro življenje.
11:02
were what they needed to go after
to have a good life.
to have a good life.
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11:06
But over and over, over these 75 years,
our study has shown
our study has shown
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Vendar je znova in znova v teh 75-letih
naša raziskava pokazala,
naša raziskava pokazala,
da so ljudje, ki so se odrezali najbolje
tisti, ki so se nagibali k odnosom
tisti, ki so se nagibali k odnosom
11:10
that the people who fared the best were
the people who leaned in to relationships,
the people who leaned in to relationships,
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z družino, prijatelji in skupnostjo.
11:16
with family, with friends, with community.
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11:21
So what about you?
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Torej, kaj pa vi?
11:23
Let's say you're 25,
or you're 40, or you're 60.
or you're 40, or you're 60.
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Recimo, da ste stari 25, 40 ali 60 let.
11:27
What might leaning in
to relationships even look like?
to relationships even look like?
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Kako naj bi nagibanje
k odnosom sploh izgledalo?
k odnosom sploh izgledalo?
11:31
Well, the possibilities
are practically endless.
are practically endless.
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Možnost so skoraj neskončne.
11:35
It might be something as simple
as replacing screen time with people time
as replacing screen time with people time
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Lahko je tako preprosto kot
zamenjati čas pred TV-jem z druženjem
zamenjati čas pred TV-jem z druženjem
11:41
or livening up a stale relationship
by doing something new together,
by doing something new together,
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ali poživitev zastalega odnosa,
s tem, da skupaj naredite nekaj novega,
s tem, da skupaj naredite nekaj novega,
dolgi sprehodi ali večerni zmenki,
11:46
long walks or date nights,
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ali kontaktirati družinskega člana,
s katerim niste spregovorili že leta,
s katerim niste spregovorili že leta,
11:49
or reaching out to that family member
who you haven't spoken to in years,
who you haven't spoken to in years,
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11:54
because those all-too-common family feuds
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zaradi teh vse preveč običajnih
družinskih razprtij,
družinskih razprtij,
ki terjajo strašen davek
11:57
take a terrible toll
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12:00
on the people who hold the grudges.
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od ljudi, ki se oklepajo zamer.
12:04
I'd like to close with a quote
from Mark Twain.
from Mark Twain.
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Rad bi zaključil s citatom
Marka Twaina.
Marka Twaina.
12:09
More than a century ago,
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Pred več kot stoletjem
12:11
he was looking back on his life,
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je gledal nazaj na svoje življenje
in zapisal naslednje:
12:14
and he wrote this:
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"Ni časa, tako kratko je življenje,
12:16
"There isn't time, so brief is life,
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12:20
for bickerings, apologies,
heartburnings, callings to account.
heartburnings, callings to account.
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za prerekanja, opravičevanja,
zgago, zagovarjanja.
zgago, zagovarjanja.
Je samo čas za ljubezen,
12:26
There is only time for loving,
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12:29
and but an instant,
so to speak, for that."
so to speak, for that."
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in samo trenutek, takorekoč, za to."
Dobro življenje je zgrajeno
z dobrimi odnosi.
z dobrimi odnosi.
12:34
The good life is built
with good relationships.
with good relationships.
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12:39
Thank you.
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Hvala vam.
12:40
(Applause)
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(Aplavz)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Robert Waldinger - Psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, Zen priestRobert Waldinger is the Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the most comprehensive longitudinal studies in history.
Why you should listen
Robert Waldinger is a psychiatrist, psychoanalyst and Zen priest. He is Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and directs the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the longest-running studies of adult life ever done. The Study tracked the lives of two groups of men for over 75 years, and it now follows their Baby Boomer children to understand how childhood experience reaches across decades to affect health and wellbeing in middle age. He writes about what science and Zen can teach us about healthy human development.
Dr. Waldinger is the author of numerous scientific papers as well as two books. He teaches medical students and psychiatry residents at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston, and he is a Senior Dharma Teacher in Boundless Way Zen.
To keep abreast of research findings, insights and more, visit robertwaldinger.com.
Robert Waldinger | Speaker | TED.com