TED2016
Lidia Yuknavitch: The beauty of being a misfit
Lidija Juknavič (Lidia Yuknavitch): Lepota neprilagođenih
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Svi vi koji ne osećate pripadnost: lepota počiva u neprilagođenosti. Spisateljka Lidija Juknavič deli sa nama lično, kapriciozno putovanje u intimnom prisećanju na iskrzane priče o gubitku, stidu i sporom procesu samoprihvatanja. "Čak i u trenutku svog neuspeha, vi ste lepi", kaže. "Ne znate to još uvek, ali imate sposobnost da se nanovo osmišljavate do beskonačnosti. U tome je vaša lepota."
Lidia Yuknavitch - Author
In her acclaimed novels and memoir, author Lidia Yuknavitch navigates the intersection of tragedy and violence to draw new roadmaps for self-discovery. Full bio
In her acclaimed novels and memoir, author Lidia Yuknavitch navigates the intersection of tragedy and violence to draw new roadmaps for self-discovery. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
So I know TED is about a lot
of things that are big,
of things that are big,
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Dakle, znam da se TED bavi
mnogim velikim stvarima,
mnogim velikim stvarima,
00:16
but I want to talk to you
about something very small.
about something very small.
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ali ja želim da vam govorim
o nečemu veoma malom.
o nečemu veoma malom.
00:20
So small, it's a single word.
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Malom kao jedna jedina reč.
00:23
The word is "misfit."
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Reč je "neprilagođeni".
00:25
It's one of my favorite words,
because it's so literal.
because it's so literal.
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To mi je jedna od omiljenih reči
jer je tako doslovna.
jer je tako doslovna.
00:29
I mean, it's a person
who sort of missed fitting in.
who sort of missed fitting in.
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Mislim, radi se o osobi
koja se nekako nije prilagodila.
koja se nekako nije prilagodila.
00:33
Or a person who fits in badly.
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Ili osoba koja se loše prilagodila.
00:36
Or this: "a person who is poorly adapted
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Ili sledeće: "osoba
koja se loše prilagodila
koja se loše prilagodila
00:39
to new situations and environments."
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novim situacijama i okolnostima."
00:43
I'm a card-carrying misfit.
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Ja sam zvnično neprilagođena.
00:46
And I'm here for the other
misfits in the room,
misfits in the room,
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I ovde sam zbog drugih neprilagođenih
u ovoj prostoriji
u ovoj prostoriji
00:49
because I'm never the only one.
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jer nikad nisam usamljen slučaj.
00:51
I'm going to tell you a misfit story.
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Ispričaću vam priču o neprilagođavanju.
00:55
Somewhere in my early 30s,
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Negde u ranim tridesetim
00:57
the dream of becoming a writer
came right to my doorstep.
came right to my doorstep.
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direktno mi je serviran
san o tome da ću da budem spisateljka.
san o tome da ću da budem spisateljka.
01:02
Actually, it came to my mailbox
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Zapravo, stigao je u moje sanduče
01:03
in the form of a letter that said
I'd won a giant literary prize
I'd won a giant literary prize
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u vidu pisma koje mi je saopštilo
da sam dobila značajnu književnu nagradu
da sam dobila značajnu književnu nagradu
01:07
for a short story I had written.
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za kratku priču koju sam napisala.
01:10
The short story was about my life
as a competitive swimmer
as a competitive swimmer
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Priča je govorila o mom životu
kao takmičarke u plivanju
kao takmičarke u plivanju
01:14
and about my crappy home life,
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i o mom bezveznom životu kod kuće,
01:17
and a little bit about how grief
and loss can make you insane.
and loss can make you insane.
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i malčice o tome kako patnja
i gubitak mogu da vas izlude.
i gubitak mogu da vas izlude.
01:23
The prize was a trip to New York City
to meet big-time editors and agents
to meet big-time editors and agents
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Nagrada je bila putovanje u Njujork
i upoznavanje
sa važnim urednicima i agentima
sa važnim urednicima i agentima
01:28
and other authors.
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i drugim piscima.
01:30
So kind of it was the wannabe
writer's dream, right?
writer's dream, right?
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Te bi to bio san svakog
ko želi da bude pisac, zar ne?
ko želi da bude pisac, zar ne?
01:34
You know what I did the day
the letter came to my house?
the letter came to my house?
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Znate li šta sam radila tog dana
kad mi je pismo stiglo?
kad mi je pismo stiglo?
01:38
Because I'm me,
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Zato što ja sam ja,
01:39
I put the letter on my kitchen table,
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stavila sam pismo na kuhinjski sto,
01:42
I poured myself a giant glass of vodka
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usula sam sebi ogromnu čašu votke
01:45
with ice and lime,
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sa ledom i limetom
01:48
and I sat there in my underwear
for an entire day,
for an entire day,
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i sedela sam tu u donjem vešu čitav dan,
01:52
just staring at the letter.
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prosto zureći u pismo.
01:56
I was thinking about all the ways
I'd already screwed my life up.
I'd already screwed my life up.
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Razmišljala sam o svim načinima
na koje sam već srozala svoj život.
na koje sam već srozala svoj život.
01:59
Who the hell was I to go to New York City
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Ko sam, dovraga, ja da idem u Njujork
02:02
and pretend to be a writer?
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i da se pretvaram da sam pisac?
02:05
Who was I?
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Ko sam ja?
02:07
I'll tell you.
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Reći ću vam.
02:08
I was a misfit.
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Ja sam neprilagođena.
02:10
Like legions of other children,
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Poput mnoštva druge dece,
02:13
I came from an abusive household
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potičem iz nasilnog domaćinstva
02:16
that I narrowly escaped with my life.
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iz kog sam jedva izvukla živu glavu.
02:19
I already had two epically
failed marriages underneath my belt.
failed marriages underneath my belt.
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Već sam imala dva katastrofalno
propala braka za sobom.
propala braka za sobom.
02:24
I'd flunked out of college
not once but twice
not once but twice
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Ispisana sam sa fakulteta,
ne jednom već dva puta,
ne jednom već dva puta,
02:27
and maybe even a third time
that I'm not going to tell you about.
that I'm not going to tell you about.
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a možda čak i tri puta
o čemu neću da vam pričam.
o čemu neću da vam pričam.
02:30
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
02:32
And I'd done an episode
of rehab for drug use.
of rehab for drug use.
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I imala sam epizodu odvikavanja od droge.
02:36
And I'd had two lovely
staycations in jail.
staycations in jail.
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I imala sam
dva ljupka odsedanja u zatvoru.
dva ljupka odsedanja u zatvoru.
02:42
So I'm on the right stage.
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Dakle, na odgovarajućoj sam sceni.
02:45
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
02:48
But the real reason,
I think, I was a misfit,
I think, I was a misfit,
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Ali istinski razlog, verujem,
zašto sam bila neprilagođena
zašto sam bila neprilagođena
02:52
is that my daughter died
the day she was born,
the day she was born,
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je to što mi je kćerka umrla na rođenju
02:55
and I hadn't figured out
how to live with that story yet.
how to live with that story yet.
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i još uvek nisam bila pronašla način
da živim s tom pričom.
da živim s tom pričom.
03:00
After my daughter died
I also spent a long time homeless,
I also spent a long time homeless,
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Nakon što mi je kćerka umrla
takođe sam dugo vremena bila beskućnica,
takođe sam dugo vremena bila beskućnica,
03:05
living under an overpass
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živela sam ispod nadvožnjaka
03:07
in a kind of profound state
of zombie grief and loss
of zombie grief and loss
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u nekakvom beznadežnom stanju
zombijevske patnje i gubitka
zombijevske patnje i gubitka
03:11
that some of us encounter along the way.
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koje zatekne neke od nas tokom života.
03:14
Maybe all of us, if you live long enough.
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Možda sve nas, ako poživimo dovoljno dugo.
03:18
You know, homeless people
are some of our most heroic misfits,
are some of our most heroic misfits,
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Znate, beskućnici
su najveći junaci među neprilagođenima
su najveći junaci među neprilagođenima
03:22
because they start out as us.
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jer su započeli kao mi.
03:26
So you see, I'd missed fitting in
to just about every category out there:
to just about every category out there:
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Pa, vidite, nisam se prilagodila
ni u jednoj postojećoj kategoriji:
ni u jednoj postojećoj kategoriji:
03:32
daughter, wife, mother, scholar.
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kao kćerka, supruga, majka, učenica.
03:37
And the dream of being a writer
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A san o pisanju
03:39
was really kind of like a small,
sad stone in my throat.
sad stone in my throat.
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je uistinu bio poput
otužnog kamenčića u mom grlu.
otužnog kamenčića u mom grlu.
03:46
It was pretty much in spite of myself
that I got on that plane
that I got on that plane
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Prilično sam se uprkos sebi
ukrcala na taj avion
ukrcala na taj avion
03:50
and flew to New York City,
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i odletela do Njujorka,
03:52
where the writers are.
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gde se nalaze pisci.
03:55
Fellow misfits, I can almost
see your heads glowing.
see your heads glowing.
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Kolege neprilagođeni, skoro da mogu
da vidim kako vam glave sjaje,
da vidim kako vam glave sjaje,
03:58
I can pick you out of a room.
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mogu da vas prepoznam u prostoriji.
04:00
At first, you would've loved it.
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Kao prvo, oduševili biste se.
04:03
You got to choose the three
famous writers you wanted to meet,
famous writers you wanted to meet,
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Imali smo da izaberemo
tri poznata pisca da upoznamo,
tri poznata pisca da upoznamo,
04:06
and these guys went
and found them for you.
and found them for you.
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a ti ljudi bi prosto otišli
i našli bi ih za vas.
i našli bi ih za vas.
04:08
You got set up at the Gramercy Park Hotel,
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Susret bi bio u hotelu Gramersi Park,
04:11
where you got to drink Scotch
late in the night
late in the night
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gde biste pili skoč kasno uveče
04:14
with cool, smart, swank people.
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sa kul, pametnim, elegantnim ljudima.
04:16
And you got to pretend you were cool
and smart and swank, too.
and smart and swank, too.
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I mogli biste da se pretvarate
da ste i vi kul, pametni i elegantni.
da ste i vi kul, pametni i elegantni.
04:21
And you got to meet a bunch
of editors and authors and agents
of editors and authors and agents
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I mogli biste da upoznate gomilu
urednika, pisaca i agenata
urednika, pisaca i agenata
04:24
at very, very fancy lunches and dinners.
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na veoma, veoma prefinjenim
ručkovima i večerama.
ručkovima i večerama.
04:29
Ask me how fancy.
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Pitajte me koliko prefinjenim.
04:31
Audience: How fancy?
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Publika: Koliko prefinjenim?
04:34
Lidia Yuknavitch: I'm making a confession:
I stole three linen napkins --
I stole three linen napkins --
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Lidija Juknavič: priznaću vam -
ukrala sam tri lanene maramice -
ukrala sam tri lanene maramice -
04:38
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
04:40
from three different restaurants.
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iz tri različita restorana.
04:42
And I shoved a menu down my pants.
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I nagurala sam meni u pantalone.
04:44
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
04:46
I just wanted some keepsakes
so that when I got home,
so that when I got home,
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Samo sam htela nešto za uspomenu
kad se vratim kući,
kad se vratim kući,
04:50
I could believe it had really
happened to me.
happened to me.
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da bih mogla da verujem
da se to zaista meni dogodilo.
da se to zaista meni dogodilo.
04:53
You know?
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Znate?
Tri pisca koja sam želela da upoznam
04:55
The three writers I wanted to meet
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04:57
were Carole Maso, Lynne Tillman
and Peggy Phelan.
and Peggy Phelan.
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su bili: Karol Mejso,
Lin Tilman i Pegi Felan.
Lin Tilman i Pegi Felan.
05:00
These were not famous,
best-selling authors,
best-selling authors,
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To nisu bili poznati, pisci bestselera,
05:03
but to me, they were women-writer titans.
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ali za mene su one bile
titani među spisateljicama.
titani među spisateljicama.
05:07
Carole Maso wrote the book
that later became my art bible.
that later became my art bible.
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Karol Mejso je napisala knjigu
koja će postati moja umetnička biblija.
koja će postati moja umetnička biblija.
05:12
Lynne Tillman gave me
permission to believe
permission to believe
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Lin Tilman mi je dala razlog da verujem
05:14
that there was a chance
my stories could be part of the world.
my stories could be part of the world.
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da postoji šansa
da moje priče budu deo sveta.
da moje priče budu deo sveta.
05:18
And Peggy Phelan reminded me
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A Pegi Felan me je podsetila
05:20
that maybe my brains
could be more important than my boobs.
could be more important than my boobs.
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da bi moj mozak mogao da bude važniji
od mojih grudi.
od mojih grudi.
05:27
They weren't mainstream women writers,
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Nije se radilo o mejnstrim spisateljkama,
05:30
but they were cutting a path
through the mainstream
through the mainstream
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ali su krčile put kroz mejnstrim
05:34
with their body stories,
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njihovim korpusom priča,
05:36
I like to think, kind of the way
water cut the Grand Canyon.
water cut the Grand Canyon.
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volim da gledam na to
kao na vodu koja seče Veliki Kanjon.
kao na vodu koja seče Veliki Kanjon.
05:41
It nearly killed me with joy
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Skoro da sam umrla od sreće
05:43
to hang out with these three
over-50-year-old women writers.
over-50-year-old women writers.
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jer sam se družila sa ove tri
spisateljke starije od 50 godina.
spisateljke starije od 50 godina.
05:46
And the reason it nearly
killed me with joy
killed me with joy
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A razlog zašto sam skoro umrla od sreće
05:49
is that I'd never known a joy like that.
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je to što nikad nisam bila tako srećna.
05:52
I'd never been in a room like that.
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Nikad nisam bila u sličnoj prostoriji.
05:54
My mother never went to college.
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Moja majka nije pohađala fakultet.
05:56
And my creative career to that point
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A moja kreativna karijera je do tad
05:59
was a sort of small, sad, stillborn thing.
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bila nešto nekako maleno,
bedno, mrtvorođeno.
bedno, mrtvorođeno.
06:05
So kind of in those first nights
in New York I wanted to die there.
in New York I wanted to die there.
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Pa sam nekako tih prvih noći u Njujorku
želela da umrem na mestu.
želela da umrem na mestu.
06:08
I was just like, "Kill me now.
I'm good. This is beautiful."
I'm good. This is beautiful."
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Prosto sam bila u stilu: "Ubijte me odmah.
Zadovoljna sam. Ovo je bajno."
Zadovoljna sam. Ovo je bajno."
06:13
Some of you in the room
will understand what happened next.
will understand what happened next.
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Neki od vas će da razumeju
šta se potom desilo.
šta se potom desilo.
06:16
First, they took me to the offices
of Farrar, Straus and Giroux.
of Farrar, Straus and Giroux.
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Prvo su me vodili u kancelarije
Ferara, Strausa i Džirua.
Ferara, Strausa i Džirua.
06:21
Farrar, Straus and Giroux
was like my mega-dream press.
was like my mega-dream press.
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Farar, Straus i Džiru
su štampa iz mojih najluđih snova.
su štampa iz mojih najluđih snova.
06:25
I mean, T.S. Eliot and Flannery O'Connor
were published there.
were published there.
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Mislim, T. S. Eliot i Flaneri O'konor
su tu objavljivali.
su tu objavljivali.
06:29
The main editor guy sat me down
and talked to me for a long time,
and talked to me for a long time,
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Glavni urednik me je poseo
i razgovarao sa mnom dugo,
i razgovarao sa mnom dugo,
06:33
trying to convince me I had a book in me
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pokušavajući da me ubedi
da u meni počiva knjiga
da u meni počiva knjiga
06:36
about my life as a swimmer.
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o mom životu kao plivačice.
06:38
You know, like a memoir.
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Znate, poput memoara.
06:40
The whole time he was talking to me,
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Sve vreme dok mi je govorio,
06:42
I sat there smiling and nodding
like a numb idiot,
like a numb idiot,
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sedela sam, smešeći se, klimajući
poput obamrlog idiota,
poput obamrlog idiota,
06:47
with my arms crossed over my chest,
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s rukama prekrštenim na grudima,
06:49
while nothing, nothing, nothing
came out of my throat.
came out of my throat.
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a ništa, ništa, ništa
mi nije izlazilo iz grla.
mi nije izlazilo iz grla.
06:55
So in the end, he patted me
on the shoulder
on the shoulder
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Pa me je na kraju potapšao po ramenu
06:59
like a swim coach might.
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poput trenera plivanja.
07:01
And he wished me luck
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I poželeo mi je sreću
07:03
and he gave me some free books
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i dao mi je neke besplatne knjige
07:05
and he showed me out the door.
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i pokazao mi je izlaz.
07:09
Next, they took me
to the offices of W.W. Norton,
to the offices of W.W. Norton,
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Potom su me odveli
u kancelarije V. V. Nortona,
u kancelarije V. V. Nortona,
07:12
where I was pretty sure
I'd be escorted from the building
I'd be escorted from the building
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gde sam bila ubeđena
da će me ispratiti iz zgrade
da će me ispratiti iz zgrade
07:15
just for wearing Doc Martens.
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samo zato što sam u martinkama.
07:18
But that didn't happen.
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No to se nije desilo.
07:20
Being at the Norton offices
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To što sam bila u Nortonovim kancelarijama
07:22
felt like reaching up into the night sky
and touching the moon
and touching the moon
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činilo se poput posezanja u noćno nebo
i dodirivanja meseca
i dodirivanja meseca
07:27
while the stars stitched your name
across the cosmos.
across the cosmos.
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dok zvezde štrikaju vaše ime
preko kosmosa.
preko kosmosa.
07:31
I mean, that's how big
a deal it was to me.
a deal it was to me.
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Mislim, eto koliko je to bilo
veliko za mene.
veliko za mene.
07:33
You get it?
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Razumete li?
07:35
Their lead editor, Carol Houck Smith,
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Njihova vodeća urednica, Kerol Huk Smit,
07:38
leaned over right in my face
with these beady, bright, fierce eyes
with these beady, bright, fierce eyes
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nadnela mi se direktno u lice
tim bisernim, svetlim, odvažnim očima
tim bisernim, svetlim, odvažnim očima
07:42
and said, "Well, send me
something then, immediately!"
something then, immediately!"
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i rekla: "Pa, pošalji mi
onda nešto, odmah!"
onda nešto, odmah!"
07:46
See, now most people,
especially TED people,
especially TED people,
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Vidite, većina ljudi,
naročito ljudi sa TED-a
naročito ljudi sa TED-a
07:48
would have run to the mailbox, right?
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bi odmah odjurila
do poštanskog sandučeta, zar ne?
do poštanskog sandučeta, zar ne?
07:51
It took me over a decade to even imagine
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Trebala mi je decenija da bar zamislim
07:54
putting something in an envelope
and licking a stamp.
and licking a stamp.
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da nešto stavljam u kovertu
i da ližem markicu.
i da ližem markicu.
08:00
On the last night,
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Prošle noći
08:02
I gave a big reading
at the National Poetry Club.
at the National Poetry Club.
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sam imala značajno čitanje
u Nacionalnom pesničkom klubu.
u Nacionalnom pesničkom klubu.
08:06
And at the end of the reading,
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I na kraju čitanja,
08:08
Katharine Kidde of Kidde,
Hoyt & Picard Literary Agency,
Hoyt & Picard Literary Agency,
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Ketrin Kidi iz Kidija,
književne agencije Hojt i Pikard,
književne agencije Hojt i Pikard,
08:12
walked straight up to me and shook my hand
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mi je prišla i rukovala se sa mnom
08:15
and offered me representation,
like, on the spot.
like, on the spot.
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i ponudila mi je da me predstavljaju,
znači, na licu mesta.
znači, na licu mesta.
08:20
I stood there and I kind of went deaf.
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Stajala sam tamo skoro ogluvela.
08:23
Has this ever happened to you?
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Da li vam se to nekad desilo?
08:25
And I almost started crying
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I skoro da sam zaplakala
08:27
because all the people in the room
were dressed so beautifully,
were dressed so beautifully,
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jer su svi ljudi u prostoriji
bili tako lepo obučeni,
bili tako lepo obučeni,
08:31
and all that came out of my mouth was:
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a sve što sam izustila bilo je:
08:34
"I don't know. I have to think about it."
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"Ne znam. Moram da razmislim o tome."
08:38
And she said, "OK, then," and walked away.
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A on aje rekla:
"U redu onda", i odšetala je.
"U redu onda", i odšetala je.
08:44
All those open hands out to me,
that small, sad stone in my throat ...
that small, sad stone in my throat ...
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Sve te raširene ruke prema meni,
taj otužni kamenčić u mom grlu...
taj otužni kamenčić u mom grlu...
08:51
You see, I'm trying to tell you something
about people like me.
about people like me.
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Vidite, pokušavam da vam kažem nešto
o ljudima poput mene.
o ljudima poput mene.
08:55
Misfit people -- we don't always know
how to hope or say yes
how to hope or say yes
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Neprilagođeni - mi ne znamo uvek
kako da se nadamo i da pristanemo
kako da se nadamo i da pristanemo
08:59
or choose the big thing,
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ili da odaberemo velike stvari,
09:01
even when it's right in front of us.
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čak i kad je to ispred nas.
09:03
It's a shame we carry.
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Mi nosimo sram.
09:04
It's the shame of wanting something good.
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Sram zbog toga što želimo nešto dobro.
09:06
It's the shame of feeling something good.
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Sram zbog toga što osećamo nešto dobro.
09:08
It's the shame of not really believing
we deserve to be in the room
we deserve to be in the room
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Sram zbog toga što zaista ne verujemo
da zaslužujemo da budemo u prisustvu
da zaslužujemo da budemo u prisustvu
09:13
with the people we admire.
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ljudi kojima se divimo.
09:16
If I could, I'd go back
and I'd coach myself.
and I'd coach myself.
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Kad bih mogla da se vratim unazad,
podučila bih samu sebe.
podučila bih samu sebe.
09:19
I'd be exactly like those
over-50-year-old women who helped me.
over-50-year-old women who helped me.
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Bila bih baš kao te
pedesetogodišnje žene koje su mi pomogle.
pedesetogodišnje žene koje su mi pomogle.
09:23
I'd teach myself how to want things,
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Podučila bih sebe kako da želim stvari,
09:25
how to stand up, how to ask for them.
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kako da se uspravim i zahtevam ih.
09:28
I'd say, "You! Yeah, you!
You belong in the room, too."
You belong in the room, too."
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Rekla bih: "Ti! Da, ti!
I tebi je mesto u ovoj prostoriji."
I tebi je mesto u ovoj prostoriji."
09:32
The radiance falls on all of us,
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Iskra pada na sve nas,
09:34
and we are nothing without each other.
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i mi smo niko jedni bez drugih.
09:39
Instead, I flew back to Oregon,
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Umesto toga, odletela sam nazad u Oregon
09:42
and as I watched the evergreens
and rain come back into view,
and rain come back into view,
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i kako sam posmatrala zimzelen
i kišu kako se vraća na vidik,
i kišu kako se vraća na vidik,
09:48
I just drank many tiny bottles
of airplane "feel sorry for yourself."
of airplane "feel sorry for yourself."
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prosto sam popila mnogo flašica
avionskog "samosažaljenja".
avionskog "samosažaljenja".
09:53
I thought about how, if I was a writer,
I was some kind of misfit writer.
I was some kind of misfit writer.
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Mislila sam da ako sam ja pisac,
da sam nekakav neprilagođeni pisac.
da sam nekakav neprilagođeni pisac.
09:59
What I'm saying is,
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Govorim vam da sam se
10:00
I flew back to Oregon without a book deal,
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2004
vratila u Oregon bez ugovora za knjigu,
10:02
without an agent,
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1151
bez agenta,
10:03
and with only a headful
and heart-ful of memories
and heart-ful of memories
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i jedino sa punom glavom
i punim srcem sećanja
i punim srcem sećanja
10:06
of having sat so near
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da sam sedela tako blizu
10:09
the beautiful writers.
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tih lepih pisaca.
10:12
Memory was the only prize
I allowed myself.
I allowed myself.
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Sećanje je bilo jedina nagrada
koju sam sebi dopustila.
koju sam sebi dopustila.
10:17
And yet, at home in the dark,
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3129
Pa ipak, kod kuće u tami,
10:21
back in my underwear,
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opet u svom donjem vešu,
10:23
I could still hear their voices.
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1730
i dalje sam im čula glasove.
10:26
They said, "Don't listen to anyone
who tries to get you to shut up
who tries to get you to shut up
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4041
Govorile su: "Ne slušaj bilo koga
ko pokušava da te ućutka
ko pokušava da te ućutka
10:30
or change your story."
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1551
ili da izmeni tvoju priču."
10:32
They said, "Give voice to the story
only you know how to tell."
only you know how to tell."
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3679
Govorile su: "Daj glas priči
koju jedino ti znaš da ispričaš."
koju jedino ti znaš da ispričaš."
10:36
They said, "Sometimes telling the story
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2430
Govorile su: "Ponekad je pripovedanje
10:39
is the thing that saves your life."
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3046
ono što će da ti spasi život."
10:43
Now I am, as you can see,
the woman over 50.
the woman over 50.
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3690
Sad sam ja, kao što vidite,
žena od preko 50 godina.
žena od preko 50 godina.
10:48
And I'm a writer.
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1175
I spisateljka sam.
10:50
And I'm a mother.
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1227
I majka sam.
10:52
And I became a teacher.
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A postala sam i učiteljica.
10:54
Guess who my favorite students are.
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1881
Pogodite ko su mi omiljeni đaci.
10:58
Although it didn't happen the day
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Iako se to nije desilo onog dana
11:00
that dream letter came through my mailbox,
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2254
kad mi je pismo iz snova stiglo poštom,
11:02
I did write a memoir,
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napisala sam memoare,
11:04
called "The Chronology of Water."
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1833
naslovljene: "Hronologija vode".
11:06
In it are the stories of how many times
I've had to reinvent a self
I've had to reinvent a self
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Tu su priče o tome koliko sam puta
pokušala da se nanovo osmislim
pokušala da se nanovo osmislim
11:11
from the ruins of my choices,
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2404
iz ruševina svojih izbora;
11:14
the stories of how my seeming failures
were really just weird-ass portals
were really just weird-ass portals
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5410
priče o tome kako su moji naoko neuspesi
zaista samo bili uvrnuti portali
zaista samo bili uvrnuti portali
11:20
to something beautiful.
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1522
do nečeg lepog.
11:22
All I had to do
was give voice to the story.
was give voice to the story.
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Sve što je trebalo je da dam glas priči.
11:27
There's a myth in most cultures
about following your dreams.
about following your dreams.
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Postoji mit u većini kultura
o praćenju naših snova.
o praćenju naših snova.
11:32
It's called the hero's journey.
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1721
Zove se putovanje junaka.
11:35
But I prefer a different myth,
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1824
No meni se više sviđa drugi mit,
11:37
that's slightly to the side of that
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1779
koji je nekako skrajnut
11:39
or underneath it.
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ili je ispod tog mita.
11:41
It's called the misfit's myth.
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1852
Zove se mitom neprilagođenih.
11:43
And it goes like this:
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I ovako ide:
11:45
even at the moment of your failure,
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čak i u trenutku svog neuspeha,
11:47
right then, you are beautiful.
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baš tad ste lepi.
11:51
You don't know it yet,
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Ne znate to još uvek,
11:52
but you have the ability
to reinvent yourself
to reinvent yourself
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ali imate sposobnost
da se nanovo osmišljavate
da se nanovo osmišljavate
11:55
endlessly.
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do beskonačnosti.
11:57
That's your beauty.
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U tome je vaša lepota.
11:59
You can be a drunk,
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Možete biti pijandura,
12:01
you can be a survivor of abuse,
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možete biti žrtva nasilja,
12:03
you can be an ex-con,
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možete biti bivši osuđenik,
12:05
you can be a homeless person,
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možete biti beskućnik,
12:06
you can lose all your money
or your job or your husband
or your job or your husband
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možete da izgubite sav svoj novac
ili posao ili supruga
ili posao ili supruga
12:09
or your wife, or the worst thing of all,
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2414
ili suprugu, ili što je najgore od svega,
12:12
a child.
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dete.
12:13
You can even lose your marbles.
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Možete čak izgubiti svoje klikere.
12:15
You can be standing dead center
in the middle of your failure
in the middle of your failure
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Možete da stojite
tačno u središtu svog neuspeha
tačno u središtu svog neuspeha
12:20
and still, I'm only here to tell you,
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i ipak, ovde sam jedino da vam to kažem,
12:22
you are so beautiful.
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prelepi ste takvi.
12:25
Your story deserves to be heard,
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Vaša priča zavređuje pažnju
12:27
because you, you rare
and phenomenal misfit,
and phenomenal misfit,
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jer ste vi, vi ste retkost
i fenomenalno ste neprilagođeni,
i fenomenalno ste neprilagođeni,
12:31
you new species,
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2256
vi ste nova vrsta,
12:34
are the only one in the room
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jedini ste u prostoriji
12:36
who can tell the story
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koji možete da pripovedate
12:38
the way only you would.
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na način koji pripovedate.
12:41
And I'd be listening.
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I ja ću vas saslušati.
12:44
Thank you.
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Hvala vam.
12:46
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Lidia Yuknavitch - AuthorIn her acclaimed novels and memoir, author Lidia Yuknavitch navigates the intersection of tragedy and violence to draw new roadmaps for self-discovery.
Why you should listen
Writer Lidia Yuknavitch discovered her calling after an interrupted journey as a would-be Olympic swimmer. Her prose erases the boundaries between memoir and fiction, explodes gender binaries and focuses on the visceral minutiae of the body.
She was inspired by Ken Kesey (with whom she collaborated on a collective novel project at Oregon University); her latest book, The Small Backs of Children, stands as a fictional counterpoint to her memoir The Chronology of Water, which has garnered her a cult following for its honesty and intensity.
Lidia Yuknavitch | Speaker | TED.com