ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Laura Trice - Counselor, coach and baker
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food.

Why you should listen

Dr. Laura Trice is a therapist and coach, devoted to practices that help people find fulfillment. She's created a therapeutic program called Writing in Recovery that uses creative skills such as journaling and music to help people develop better self-awareness and set goals. She's taught this program at such well-known clinics as Betty Ford and Promises. She's the author of the book How to Work Any 12-Step Program.

In her other life, she is the head of Laura's Wholesome Junk Food, making healthy cookies and brownies.

More profile about the speaker
Laura Trice | Speaker | TED.com
TED2008

Laura Trice: Remember to say thank you

Lora Trajs predlaže da svi kažemo "hvala"

Filmed:
2,449,953 views

U ovom varljivo jednostavnom trominutnom govoru, Dr Lora Trajs (Laura Trice) govori o moći magične reči "hvala" - da produbi prijateljstvo, popravi vezu, da osigura da druga osoba zna koliko vam znači. Probajte.
- Counselor, coach and baker
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:18
HiZdravo. I'm here to talk to you about the importanceзначај of
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Zdravo. Ovde sam da bih vam pričala o važnosti
00:22
praiseпохвала, admirationdivljenje and thank you,
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pohvale, divljenja i zahvalnosti
00:25
and havingимати it be specificспецифични and genuineправи, исправан.
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i kako to mora da bude posebno i iskreno.
00:27
And the way I got interestedзаинтересован in this was,
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Za ovo sam se zainteresovala tako što
00:29
I noticedПриметио in myselfЈа сам, when I was growingрастуће up,
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sam primetila, dok sam odrastala,
00:32
and untilсве док about a fewнеколико yearsгодине agoпре,
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i do pre nekoliko godina,
00:33
that I would want to say thank you to someoneнеко,
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da bih želela nekom da kažem "hvala",
00:35
I would want to praiseпохвала them,
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želela bih da ih pohvalim,
00:36
I would want to take in theirњихова praiseпохвала of me
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da oni mene pohvale,
00:38
and I'd just stop it.
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i samo bih se zaustavila.
00:40
And I askedпитао myselfЈа сам, why?
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I zapitala sam se, zašto?
00:43
I feltосетио shyстидљив, I feltосетио embarrassedсрамота.
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Osećala sam stid, posramljenost.
00:45
And then my questionпитање becameпостао,
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I onda je moje pitanje postalo,
00:47
am I the only one who does this?
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da li sam ja jedina koja to radi?
00:49
So, I decidedодлучио to investigateистражити.
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Pa sam odlučila da to istražim.
00:50
I'm fortunatesretni enoughдовољно to work in the rehabrehabilitacija facilityобјекат,
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Imam sreće da radim u rehabilitacionoj ustanovi,
00:53
so I get to see people who are facingокренути life and deathсмрт with addictionovisnost.
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pa viđam ljude koji se sa zavisnošću suočavaju sa životom i smrću.
00:56
And sometimesпонекад it comesдолази down to something as simpleједноставно as,
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Ponekad je u pitanju nešto tako jednostavno kao npr da je
01:00
theirњихова coreјезгро woundрана is theirњихова fatherотац diedумро withoutбез ever sayingговорећи he's proudпоносан of them.
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njihova najveća rana to što im je otac umro, a da nikada nije rekao koliko je ponosan na njih.
01:05
But then, they hearчујеш from all the familyпородица and friendsпријатељи
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Ali onda od cele porodice i prijatelja saznaju
01:07
that the fatherотац told everybodyсвима elseдруго that he was proudпоносан of him,
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kako je otac svima drugima rekao koliko je ponosan na sina,
01:10
but he never told the sonсин.
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ali to njemu nikada nije rekao.
01:11
It's because he didn't know that his sonсин neededпотребно to hearчујеш it.
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To je zato što nije znao da je njegovom sinu bilo potrebno da to čuje.
01:14
So my questionпитање is, why don't we askпитати for the things that we need?
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Dakle, moje pitanje je, zašto ne tražimo stvari koje su nam potrebne?
01:18
I know a gentlemanгосподо, marriedожењен for 25 yearsгодине,
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Znam jednog gospodina koji je 25 godina u braku
01:20
who'sко је longingčežnju to hearчујеш his wifeжена say,
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i koji žudi za tim da njegova žena kaže,
01:22
"Thank you for beingбиће the breadwinnerglava porodice, so I can stayостани home with the kidsклинци,"
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"Hvala ti što donosiš hleb na sto, kako bih ja mogla da budem kod kuće sa decom",
01:25
but won'tнеће askпитати.
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ali ne želi da pita.
01:26
I know a womanжена who'sко је good at this.
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Znam jednu ženu koja je dobra u ovome.
01:28
She, onceједном a weekНедеља, meetsispunjava with her husbandмуж and saysкаже,
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Ona se jednom nedeljno sastaje sa svojim mužem i kaže,
01:30
"I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the houseкућа and with the kidsклинци."
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"Zaista bih volela da mi zahvališ na svim stvarima koje radim u kući i oko dece."
01:34
And he goesиде, "Oh, this is great, this is great."
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A on kaže, "O, ovo je super, ovo je super."
01:37
And praiseпохвала really does have to be genuineправи, исправан,
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A pohvala zaista mora da bude iskrena,
01:39
but she takes responsibilityодговорност for that.
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a ona preuzima odgovornost za nju.
01:41
And a friendпријатељ of mineмој, AprilAprila, who I've had sinceОд kindergartenobdaniste,
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Jedna moja prijateljica, Ejpril, koju znam od obdaništa,
01:44
she thanksХвала her childrenдеца for doing theirњихова choresposlove.
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zahvaljuje svojoj deci na obavljanju kućnih poslova.
01:47
And she said, "Why wouldn'tне би I thank it, even thoughипак they're supposedпретпостављено to do it?"
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I kaže, "Zašto im se ne bih zahvalila, iako i treba da ih rade?"
01:49
So, the questionпитање is, why was I blockingblokiranje it?
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Dakle, pitanje je, zašto sam ja to blokirala?
01:51
Why were other people blockingblokiranje it?
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Zašto su drugi ljudi blokirali?
01:52
Why can I say, "I'll take my steakodrezak mediumсредња rareретко,
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Zašto mogu da kažem, "Želim srednje pečen biftek,
01:55
I need sizeвеличине sixшест shoesципеле," but I won'tнеће say,
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trebaju mi cipele broj 37", ali neću reći
01:58
"Would you praiseпохвала me this way?"
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"Da li biste me pohvalili na ovaj način?"
02:00
And it's because I'm givingдавање you criticalкритичан dataподаци about me.
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A to je zato što vam dajem bitne podatke o sebi.
02:04
I'm tellingговорећи you where I'm insecurenesigurna.
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Govorim vam gde sam nesigurna.
02:06
I'm tellingговорећи you where I need your help.
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Govorim vam gde mi je potrebna vaša pomoć.
02:08
And I'm treatingлечење you, my innerунутрашњи circleкруг,
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I vas, svoj najuži krug,
02:11
like you're the enemyнепријатеља.
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tretiram kao neprijatelja.
02:13
Because what can you do with that dataподаци?
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Jer, šta vi možete sa tim informacijama?
02:15
You could neglectзанемаривање me.
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Možete da me zapostavite.
02:17
You could abuseзлоупотреба it.
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Možete da ih zloupotrebite.
02:18
Or you could actuallyзаправо meetсусрет my need.
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Ili možete stvarno da mi izađete u susret.
02:20
And I tookузела my bikeбицикл into the bikeбицикл store--skladištenje-- I love this --
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Odvezla sam bajs u servis - obožavam ovo -
02:22
sameисти bikeбицикл, and they'dони би do something calledпозвани "truingtruing" the wheelsточкови.
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isti bajs i oni su uradili balansiranje točkova
02:25
The guy said, "You know, when you trueистина the wheelsточкови,
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Momak je rekao, "Znate, kad izbalansirate točkove,
02:27
it's going to make the bikeбицикл so much better."
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bajs će biti mnogo bolji."
02:28
I get the sameисти bikeбицикл back,
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Vratili su mi isti bajs,
02:30
and they'veони су takenузети all the little warpsrastezati out of those sameисти wheelsточкови
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i izravnali su sve neravnine iz tih istih točkova
02:33
I've had for two and a halfпола yearsгодине, and my bikeбицикл is like newново.
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koje imam dve ipo godine i bajs je kao nov.
02:36
So, I'm going to challengeизазов all of you.
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Imam jedan izazov za vas.
02:38
I want you to trueистина your wheelsточкови:
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Želim da izbalansirate svoje točkove:
02:40
be honestпоштен about the praiseпохвала that you need to hearчујеш.
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budite iskreni u vezi sa pohvalama koje vam je potrebno da čujete.
02:43
What do you need to hearчујеш? Go home to your wifeжена --
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Šta vam je potrebno da čujete? Idite kući svojoj ženi,
02:45
go askпитати her, what does she need?
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pitajte je, šta je njoj potrebno?
02:47
Go home to your husbandмуж -- what does he need?
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Idite kući svom mužu - šta je njemu potrebno?
02:49
Go home and askпитати those questionsпитања, and then help the people around you.
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Idite kući, postavite ta pitanja i onda pomozite ljudima oko sebe.
02:52
And it's simpleједноставно.
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To je jednostavno.
02:53
And why should we careнега about this?
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A zašto bi trebalo da nam je stalo do ovoga?
02:55
We talk about worldсвет peaceмир.
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Govorimo o miru u svetu.
02:56
How can we have worldсвет peaceмир with differentразличит culturesкултура, differentразличит languagesјезике?
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Kako da imamo mir na svetu, među različitim kulturama, jezicima?
02:59
I think it startsпочиње householdдомаћинство by householdдомаћинство, underиспод the sameисти roofкров.
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Mislim da to počinje od kuće do kuće, pod istim krovom.
03:03
So, let's make it right in our ownвластити backyardдвориште.
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Hajde da krenemo od sopstvenog dvorišta.
03:05
And I want to thank all of you in the audienceпублика
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Želim da zahvalim svima vama u publici
03:07
for beingбиће great husbandsmuževi, great mothersмајке,
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zato što ste odlični muževi, majke,
03:09
friendsпријатељи, daughtersкћери, sonssinovi.
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prijatelji, ćerke, sinovi.
03:11
And maybe somebody'sНеко је never said that to you,
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Možda vam niko nikada nije to rekao,
03:12
but you've doneГотово a really, really good jobпосао.
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ali odlični ste u tome.
03:14
And thank you for beingбиће here, just showingпоказивање up
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I hvala vam što ste ovde, što ste došli
03:17
and changingпромена the worldсвет with your ideasидеје.
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i što menjate svet svojim idejama.
03:20
Thank you.
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Hvala.
03:22
(ApplauseAplauz)
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(aplauz)
Translated by Ivana Korom
Reviewed by Sandra Gojic

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Laura Trice - Counselor, coach and baker
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food.

Why you should listen

Dr. Laura Trice is a therapist and coach, devoted to practices that help people find fulfillment. She's created a therapeutic program called Writing in Recovery that uses creative skills such as journaling and music to help people develop better self-awareness and set goals. She's taught this program at such well-known clinics as Betty Ford and Promises. She's the author of the book How to Work Any 12-Step Program.

In her other life, she is the head of Laura's Wholesome Junk Food, making healthy cookies and brownies.

More profile about the speaker
Laura Trice | Speaker | TED.com