ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Adam Galinsky - Social psychologist
Adam Galinsky teaches people all over the world how to inspire others, speak up effectively, lead teams and negotiate successfully.

Why you should listen

Adam Galinsky is currently the chair of the management division at Columbia Business School. He co-authored the critically acclaimed and best-selling book, Friend & Foe, which distills his two decades of research on leadership, negotiations, diversity, decision-making and ethics. The New York Times says the book performed "a significant public service" and the Financial Times declared that Friend & Foe "fulfills its promise of handing the reader tools to be a better friend and a more formidable foe."

Galinsky has received numerous national and international awards for his teaching and research. He is only the second psychologist to ever to receive the two most important mid-career Awards in Social Psychology. In 2015, he was named one of the top 50 Thinkers on Talent by Thinkers50. In recognition of the quality of his teaching and research, he was selected as one of the World's 50 Best B-School Professors by Poets and Quants (2012). 

Galinsky has consulted with and conducted executive workshops for clients across the globe, including Fortune 100 firms, non-profits and local and national governments. He has served as a legal expert in multiple defamation lawsuits, including a trial where he was the sole expert witness for a plaintiff awarded $37 million in damages. 

Outside of his professional life, Galinsky is the associate producer on four award-winning documentaries, including Horns and Halos and Battle for Brooklyn, which were both short-listed for Best Documentary at the Academy Awards.

More profile about the speaker
Adam Galinsky | Speaker | TED.com
TEDxNewYork

Adam Galinsky: How to speak up for yourself

亚当·加林斯基: 如何为自己放声说话

Filmed:
6,470,165 views

放声说话并不是一件容易的事情,即使当你知道应该这么做时。和社会心理学家亚当·加林斯基的智慧指南学习如何表达自己,驾驭微妙复杂的社交场景,和不断提升自己的实力。
- Social psychologist
Adam Galinsky teaches people all over the world how to inspire others, speak up effectively, lead teams and negotiate successfully. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:13
Speaking请讲 up is hard to do.
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放大声音得说话并不简单。
00:16
I understood了解 the true真正 meaning含义
of this phrase短语 exactly究竟 one month ago,
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我直到整整一个月前,当我
与妻子初为父母的时候
00:21
when my wife妻子 and I became成为 new parents父母.
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才理解这个短语的真正用意。
那是一个神奇的时刻。
00:25
It was an amazing惊人 moment时刻.
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00:26
It was exhilarating令人振奋 and elatingelating,
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那是一个令人兴奋
与激动的时刻,
00:29
but it was also scary害怕 and terrifying可怕的.
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但是那也是可怕的,
令人恐惧的时刻。
00:32
And it got particularly尤其 terrifying可怕的
when we got home from the hospital醫院,
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当我们刚从医院回到家的时候,
尤其令人恐惧
00:36
and we were unsure不确定
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我们并不确定
00:38
whether是否 our little baby宝宝 boy男孩 was getting得到
enough足够 nutrients营养成分 from breastfeeding哺乳.
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我们刚出生的宝宝是否
能从母乳中得到足够的养分。
00:42
And we wanted to call our pediatrician儿科医师,
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我们想打电话给我们的儿科医生,
00:45
but we also didn't want
to make a bad first impression印象
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但是我们也不想给别人
留下不好的第一印象,
00:48
or come across横过 as a crazy,
neurotic神经质 parent.
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或者被当作是疯狂的,
神经质的父母。
00:51
So we worried担心.
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所以我们很担心。
00:52
And we waited等待.
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但我们选择了等待。
00:54
When we got to the doctor's医生 office办公室
the next下一个 day,
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当我们第二天早上
去见医生的时候,
00:56
she immediately立即 gave him formula
because he was pretty漂亮 dehydrated脱水.
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她立刻给宝宝开了配方,
因为他脱水很严重。
我们的儿子现在已经好了,
01:01
Our son儿子 is fine now,
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01:02
and our doctor医生 has reassured放心 us
we can always contact联系 her.
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我们的医生也让我们放心,
可以随时联系她。
01:06
But in that moment时刻,
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但是在那个时刻,
01:07
I should've应该 spoken up, but I didn't.
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我应该大声说出来的,我却没做到。
01:10
But sometimes有时 we speak说话 up
when we shouldn't不能,
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但是有时我们也会在不该说话的时候
放声大说,
01:14
and I learned学到了 that over 10 years年份 ago
when I let my twin双胞胎 brother哥哥 down.
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我是在10年多以前,当我让我的
双胞胎兄弟失望的时候,学会的。
01:18
My twin双胞胎 brother哥哥
is a documentary记录 filmmaker电影制片人,
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我的双胞胎兄弟
是一个纪录片摄影师,
01:21
and for one of his first films影片,
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在他的早期作品中,
01:22
he got an offer提供
from a distribution分配 company公司.
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有一部得到了分销公司的青睐。
01:25
He was excited兴奋,
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他很激动,
01:26
and he was inclined to accept接受 the offer提供.
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也倾向于接受这份邀请。
01:29
But as a negotiations谈判 researcher研究员,
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但是作为一名谈判研究员,
01:31
I insisted坚持 he make a counteroffer还价,
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我坚持要求他拒绝这份邀请,
01:34
and I helped帮助 him craft手艺 the perfect完善 one.
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并帮助他起草了一份完美的合同。
01:37
And it was perfect完善 --
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而那确实是完美的-
01:39
it was perfectly完美 insulting侮辱.
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完美的侮辱行为。
那家公司感到被冒犯了,
01:42
The company公司 was so offended生气,
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01:44
they literally按照字面 withdrew撤回 the offer提供
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他们就真的撤回了他们的邀请,
01:46
and my brother哥哥 was left with nothing.
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然后我兄弟就一无所有了。
01:48
And I've asked people all over the world世界
about this dilemma困境 of speaking请讲 up:
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我问过来自世界各地的人,
关于大声说的两难问题:
01:52
when they can assert断言 themselves他们自己,
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当他们可以断言的时候,
01:54
when they can push their interests利益,
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当他们可以推动自身利益的时候,
01:55
when they can express表现 an opinion意见,
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当他们可以表达观点的时候,
01:58
when they can make an ambitious有雄心 ask.
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当他们提出一个有抱负的要求的时候。
02:00
And the range范围 of stories故事
are varied多变 and diverse多种,
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我听过大量的,各不相同的故事,
02:05
but they also make up
a universal普遍 tapestry挂毯.
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但他们却共同编织了同一幅绣帷。
02:07
Can I correct正确 my boss老板
when they make a mistake错误?
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我能在老板们犯错时
纠正他们的错误吗?
02:10
Can I confront面对 my coworker同事
who keeps保持 stepping步进 on my toes脚趾?
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我能与老是踩到
我脚趾的同事对质吗?
02:14
Can I challenge挑战 my friend's朋友的
insensitive麻木不仁 joke玩笑?
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我能质疑朋友讲的
不合时宜的笑话吗?
02:18
Can I tell the person I love the most
my deepest最深 insecurities不安全感?
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我能告诉我最爱的人
我内心深处的不安全感吗?
02:22
And through通过 these experiences经验,
I've come to recognize认识
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通过这些经历,我开始认识到
02:25
that each of us have something called
a range范围 of acceptable接受 behavior行为.
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我们每个人都是有一个
可接受行为范围的。
02:29
Now, sometimes有时 we're too strong强大;
we push ourselves我们自己 too much.
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有些时候,我们太强势了:
我们给自己负压太大。
02:34
That's what happened发生 with my brother哥哥.
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那就是发生在
我兄弟身上的事件所表明的。
02:36
Even making制造 an offer提供 was outside
his range范围 of acceptable接受 behavior行为.
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甚至提出一个建议,都是在他
可接受行为范围之外的了
但是有时,我们又太软弱了。
02:41
But sometimes有时 we're too weak.
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02:43
That's what happened发生 with my wife妻子 and I.
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就是我和我妻子所表现出来的。
02:45
And this range范围 of acceptable接受 behaviors行为 --
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而这个可接受行为范围-
02:47
when we stay within our range范围,
we're rewarded奖励.
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当我们呆在范围内的时候,
我们就会被奖励。
02:50
When we step outside that range范围,
we get punished处罚 in a variety品种 of ways方法.
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当我们跨出范围圈的时候,
我们就会受到不同形式的惩罚。
02:54
We get dismissed驳回 or demeaned贬低
or even ostracized排斥.
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我们被开除或贬低,甚至被排斥。
02:58
Or we lose失去 that raise提高
or that promotion提升 or that deal合同.
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我们失去加薪或晋升,或是一笔交易。
03:01
Now, the first thing we need to know is:
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现在,我们需要明白的第一件事就是:
03:04
What is my range范围?
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我的域是什么?
但关键问题是,我们的
可接受范围并不固定;
03:06
But the key thing is,
our range范围 isn't fixed固定;
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它实际上是高度动态的。
03:11
it's actually其实 pretty漂亮 dynamic动态.
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03:12
It expands展开 and it narrows变窄
based基于 on the context上下文.
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它会随具体语境而放大或缩小。
03:17
And there's one thing that determines确定
that range范围 more than anything else其他,
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有一样东西在可接受范围大小
这件事上起决定性作用,
那就是你的实力。
03:22
and that's your power功率.
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03:23
Your power功率 determines确定 your range范围.
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你的实力决定了你的可接受范围域。
03:25
What is power功率?
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实力是指什么?
03:26
Power功率 comes in lots of forms形式.
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实力是以各种形式呈现的。
03:28
In negotiations谈判, it comes
in the form形成 of alternatives备择方案.
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在谈判中,实力以
其他解决方案的形式呈现。
03:31
So my brother哥哥 had no alternatives备择方案;
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而我的兄弟没有其他选择;
03:33
he lacked缺乏 power功率.
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他的实力不够。
03:35
The company公司 had lots of alternatives备择方案;
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公司就有很多的备用选择;
03:36
they had power功率.
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他们的实力很强。
03:38
Sometimes有时 it's being存在 new
to a country国家, like an immigrant移民,
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有时是新到一个国家,
例如移民,
03:41
or new to an organization组织
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或是新加入一个组织,
03:42
or new to an experience经验,
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或是对什么事情没有经验,
03:44
like my wife妻子 and I as new parents父母.
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就像我和我妻子初为人父母。
03:46
Sometimes有时 it's at work,
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有的时候是在工作上,
03:47
where someone's谁家 the boss老板
and someone's谁家 the subordinate下属.
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有人是老板,
而另一些人是下属。
03:50
Sometimes有时 it's in relationships关系,
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有时是在情感上,
03:52
where one person's人的 more invested投资
than the other person.
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一个人比另一个人投入更多
03:55
And the key thing is that when
we have lots of power功率,
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重点是,当我们有强大的实力时,
03:58
our range范围 is very wide.
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我们的可接受范围
就会变得非常广。
04:00
We have a lot of leeway余地 in how to behave表现.
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我们的行动就有了很大的余地。
04:03
But when we lack缺乏 power功率, our range范围 narrows变窄.
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但是当我们实力不足时,
我们的域就会缩小。
04:06
We have very little leeway余地.
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我们行动就变得局限。
04:08
The problem问题 is that when
our range范围 narrows变窄,
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问题是当我们的
可接受范围缩小的时候,
04:11
that produces产生 something called
the low-power低电量 double bind捆绑.
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就会进入一种“弱势两难”的处境。
04:16
The low-power低电量 double bind捆绑 happens发生
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当我们陷入“弱势两难”的处境时,
04:19
when, if we don't speak说话 up,
we go unnoticed被忽视,
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我们不为自己说话,就会被忽视,
04:22
but if we do speak说话 up, we get punished处罚.
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当我们说出来的时候,又会被惩罚。
04:25
Now, many许多 of you have heard听说
the phrase短语 the "double bind捆绑"
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你们中的很多人都听过
“双重约束”这个短语,
04:28
and connected连接的 it with one thing,
and that's gender性别.
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并把它和另一样事物挂钩,
就是性别。
04:31
The gender性别 double bind捆绑 is women妇女
who don't speak说话 up go unnoticed被忽视,
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性别两难就是指当女性不发声,
就会被忽视,
04:35
and women妇女 who do speak说话 up get punished处罚.
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但女性为自己说话,
又会被惩罚的情况。
04:38
And the key thing is that women妇女 have
the same相同 need as men男人 to speak说话 up,
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关键是,女性有着
与男性同样的为自己说话的需求
04:43
but they have barriers障碍 to doing so.
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但她们这样做会遇到更多的障碍。
04:46
But what my research研究 has shown显示
over the last two decades几十年
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但是我在过去二十年里的研究中发现,
04:49
is that what looks容貌
like a gender性别 difference区别
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这个看似是性别差异,
04:53
is not really a gender性别 double bind捆绑,
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其实并不是真正的性别两难困境,
04:55
it's a really a low-power低电量 double bind捆绑.
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其实是弱势两难的问题。
04:57
And what looks容貌 like a gender性别 difference区别
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那些表面上看似是性别差异
04:59
are really often经常 just power功率
differences分歧 in disguise伪装.
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其实质只是实力差异伪装成的样子。
很多时候,当我们看到
一位男性和一位女性之间的差距时,
05:03
Oftentimes通常情况下 we see a difference区别
between之间 a man and a woman女人
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或者男性与女性之间,
05:06
or men男人 and women妇女,
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我们就会想,“生理因素。
05:07
and think, "Biological生物 cause原因.
There's something fundamentally从根本上 different不同
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两性在本质上就是不同的。”
05:10
about the sexes两性."
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05:12
But in study研究 after study研究,
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但是在一个又一个的研究当中,
05:14
I've found发现 that a better explanation说明
for many许多 sex性别 differences分歧
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我找到了一个能更好解释
很多案例中性别差距的原因
05:18
is really power功率.
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那就是实力。
05:20
And so it's the low-power低电量 double bind捆绑.
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所以把它称作弱势两难困境。
05:23
And the low-power低电量 double bind捆绑
means手段 that we have a narrow狭窄 range范围,
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处于弱势两难就意味着
我们的可接受范围很窄
05:28
and we lack缺乏 power功率.
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我们实力不足。
我们的可接受范围越窄,
05:30
We have a narrow狭窄 range范围,
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05:31
and our double bind捆绑 is very large.
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我们的弱势两难就越明显。
所以我们必须找到方法,
扩大我们的可接受范围。
05:34
So we need to find ways方法
to expand扩大 our range范围.
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05:36
And over the last couple一对 decades几十年,
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在过去的几十年中,
05:38
my colleagues同事 and I have found发现
two things really matter.
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我和我的同事找到了
两个重要的影响因素
05:41
The first: you seem似乎 powerful强大
in your own拥有 eyes眼睛.
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第一点:你在自己眼中是实力者。
05:46
The second第二: you seem似乎 powerful强大
in the eyes眼睛 of others其他.
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第二点:你在他人眼中是实力者。
05:49
When I feel powerful强大,
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当感到自己实力强大,
05:52
I feel confident信心, not fearful可怕;
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就会很自信,不会害怕;
05:54
I expand扩大 my own拥有 range范围.
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就能扩大自己的域。
05:55
When other people see me as powerful强大,
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当他人把自己看作实力强大的人时,
05:58
they grant发放 me a wider更宽的 range范围.
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他们就给予了我更广的可接受范围。
06:01
So we need tools工具 to expand扩大
our range范围 of acceptable接受 behavior行为.
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所以我们需要工具去扩大
我们的可接受行为范围。
06:05
And I'm going to give you
a set of tools工具 today今天.
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我今天就要给你们一套工具。
06:08
Speaking请讲 up is risky有风险,
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大声说是有风险的一件事,
06:10
but these tools工具 will lower降低
your risk风险 of speaking请讲 up.
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但是这些工具会降低
大声说的风险。
06:15
The first tool工具 I'm going to give you
got discovered发现 in negotiations谈判
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我要给你们的第一个工具
是在协商领域被发现的,
06:20
in an important重要 finding发现.
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是很重要的一个发现。
06:22
On average平均, women妇女 make
less ambitions野心 offers报价
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平均来看,女性在谈判桌上,
相比男性,
更少的提出有野心的条件,
并取得更差的结果。
06:26
and get worse更差 outcomes结果 than men男人
at the bargaining议价 table.
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但是汉娜·赖利·鲍里斯
和艾米丽·阿曼图拉发现
06:30
But Hannah汉娜 Riley Bowles鲍尔斯
and Emily艾米莉 AmanatullahAmanatullah have discovered发现
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06:33
there's one situation情况
where women妇女 get the same相同 outcomes结果 as men男人
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在有一种情况下,女性
和男性是同等的野心勃勃
06:37
and are just as ambitious有雄心.
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也能得到同等的结果。
06:39
That's when they advocate主张 for others其他.
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那就是当她们在为他人说话的时候。
06:43
When they advocate主张 for others其他,
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当她们在为他人说话时,
06:45
they discover发现 their own拥有 range范围
and expand扩大 it in their own拥有 mind心神.
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她们就会发觉自己的
可接受范围并在脑海中扩大它。
06:50
They become成为 more assertive断言的.
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她们变得更加自信。
06:51
This is sometimes有时 called
"the mama妈妈 bear effect影响."
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这就是我们经常说的“熊妈妈效应”。
06:55
Like a mama妈妈 bear defending卫冕 her cubs幼崽,
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就像熊妈妈在维护自己的熊宝宝,
06:57
when we advocate主张 for others其他,
we can discover发现 our own拥有 voice语音.
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当我们为他人声张的时候,
我们就能发掘自己的声音。
但是有些时候,
我们必须为自己放声说。
07:02
But sometimes有时, we have
to advocate主张 for ourselves我们自己.
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07:05
How do we do that?
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我们应该怎么做呢?
07:06
One of the most important重要 tools工具
we have to advocate主张 for ourselves我们自己
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为自己讲话需要的
最重要的工具就是
07:10
is something called perspective-taking观点采择.
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一种叫做“换位思考”的东西。
07:13
And perspective-taking观点采择 is really simple简单:
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“换位思考”其实很简单:
07:16
it's simply只是 looking at the world世界
through通过 the eyes眼睛 of another另一个 person.
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就仅仅是通过另一个人的
眼睛看世界而已。
这是我们扩大自身可接受范围
的最重要的工具。
07:21
It's one of the most important重要 tools工具
we have to expand扩大 our range范围.
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07:24
When I take your perspective透视,
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当我站在你的立场,
07:26
and I think about what you really want,
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去想你真正想要什么的时候,
07:29
you're more likely容易 to give me
what I really want.
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你就更有可能给我,我真正想要的。
但是这有一个问题:
07:33
But here's这里的 the problem问题:
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07:34
perspective-taking观点采择 is hard to do.
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“换位思考”是一件很难的事情。
07:37
So let's do a little experiment实验.
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让我们做一点儿实验。
07:38
I want you all to hold保持
your hand just like this:
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我希望你们所有人都像这样,
把手举起来,
07:41
your finger手指 -- put it up.
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把手指竖起来,
我希望你们在自己的
额头上写一个大写的E
07:43
And I want you to draw
a capital首都 letter E on your forehead前额
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07:48
as quickly很快 as possible可能.
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越快越好。
好吧,结果表明我们
有两种不同的书写方法,
07:52
OK, it turns out that we can
draw this E in one of two ways方法,
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07:55
and this was originally本来 designed设计
as a test测试 of perspective-taking观点采择.
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这就是原本用来测试
换位思考的实验。
07:58
I'm going to show显示 you two pictures图片
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我要给你们展示两张人们
08:00
of someone有人 with an E on their forehead前额 --
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在额头上写着E的图片-
08:02
my former前任的 student学生, Erika埃里卡 Hall大厅.
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这是我以前的学生,艾丽卡·赫尓。
08:05
And you can see over here,
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你们在这里看到的,
08:07
that's the correct正确 E.
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是正确的E。
08:08
I drew德鲁 the E so it looks容貌 like
an E to another另一个 person.
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我这样画E,所以其他人
就能把它认成E。
08:12
That's the perspective-taking观点采择 E
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这就是“换位思考”的E,
08:14
because it looks容貌 like an E
from someone有人 else's别人的 vantage华帝 point.
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因为它是别人眼中的E。
08:17
But this E over here
is the self-focused以自我为中心 E.
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但是这边的E则是“自我中心”的E。
我们时常会以自我为中心。
08:20
We often经常 get self-focused以自我为中心.
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08:22
And we particularly尤其 get
self-focused以自我为中心 in a crisis危机.
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特别是在危机情况下更容易。
我希望和你们谈谈
一次特别的危机。
08:26
I want to tell you
about a particular特定 crisis危机.
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08:28
A man walks散步 into a bank银行
in Watsonville沃森维尔, California加州.
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一个男人走进一家位于加利福尼亚州,
沃森维尔市的银行。
08:32
And he says, "Give me $2,000,
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他说,“给我2000美金,
08:34
or I'm blowing the whole整个 bank银行
up with a bomb炸弹."
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要不我就炸了整个银行。”
08:37
Now, the bank银行 manager经理
didn't give him the money.
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而银行经理没有给他钱。
08:40
She took a step back.
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她退了一步。
08:41
She took his perspective透视,
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她尝试站在他的角度,
08:43
and she noticed注意到 something
really important重要.
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她注意到了一件很重要的事情。
08:45
He asked for a specific具体 amount of money.
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他要求的是具体数额的钱。
08:48
So she said,
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所以她说,
“为什么你需要2000美金?”
08:50
"Why did you ask for $2,000?"
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男人说,“如果不能立即拿到2000美金,
08:53
And he said, "My friend朋友
is going to be evicted被驱逐
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08:55
unless除非 I get him $2,000 immediately立即."
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我的朋友就要被驱逐出境了。“
08:57
And she said, "Oh! You don't want
to rob the bank银行 --
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然后经理说,
“哦,那你不是要抢银行-
09:01
you want to take out a loan贷款."
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你是需要贷款。”
09:02
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
09:03
"Why don't you come back to my office办公室,
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“为什么不跟我回到办公室,
我们就可以让你填好需要的文件。”
09:05
and we can have you
fill out the paperwork证件."
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(笑声)
09:07
(Laughter笑声)
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她的快速换位思考的
能力解除了一个危机形势。
09:09
Now, her quick perspective-taking观点采择
defused化解 a volatile挥发物 situation情况.
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当我们能够从他人的角度看问题时,
09:14
So when we take someone's谁家 perspective透视,
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09:16
it allows允许 us to be ambitious有雄心
and assertive断言的, but still be likable讨人喜欢.
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我们就会变得有抱负,
自信,但同时招人喜欢。
09:21
Here's这里的 another另一个 way to be assertive断言的
but still be likable讨人喜欢,
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还有另一种能让我们既自信,
又能招人喜欢的办法,
09:24
and that is to signal信号 flexibility灵活性.
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那就是展现灵活性。
09:27
Now, imagine想像 you're a car汽车 salesperson售货员,
and you want to sell someone有人 a car汽车.
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现在,想象自己是一名汽车销售员,
你要卖给别人一辆车。
09:31
You're going to more likely容易 make the sale拍卖
if you give them two options选项.
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如果你能给他们两种选择,
你更容易卖出车。
09:36
Let's say option选项 A:
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比如选项A:
09:37
$24,000 for this car汽车
and a five-year五年 warranty保证.
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两万四美金购车,五年免修。
09:41
Or option选项 B:
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或是选项B:
09:42
$23,000 and a three-year三年 warranty保证.
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两万三美金购车,三年免修。
09:45
My research研究 shows节目 that when you give
people a choice选择 among其中 options选项,
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我的研究显示了,当你
给人们一些选择的余地时,
09:49
it lowers降低 their defenses防御,
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他们会降低自我防范意识,
09:51
and they're more likely容易
to accept接受 your offer提供.
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他们更容易接受你的邀请。
09:54
And this doesn't just
work with salespeople销售人员;
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这不仅仅只在销售人员这里有用;
09:56
it works作品 with parents父母.
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它在父母这里也有用。
09:57
When my niece侄女 was four,
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当我的侄女四岁的时候,
09:58
she resisted抵制 getting得到 dressed连衣裙的
and rejected拒绝 everything.
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她拒绝穿衣服,拒绝一切。
10:02
But then my sister-in-law嫂子
had a brilliant辉煌 idea理念.
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但是后来嫂子想出了
一个绝妙的主意。
10:05
What if I gave my daughter女儿 a choice选择?
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如果我给我的女儿一种选择呢?
10:07
This shirt衬衫 or that shirt衬衫? OK, that shirt衬衫.
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这件衣服或是那件?好吧,那件。
10:09
This pant喘气 or that pant喘气? OK, that pant喘气.
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这条裤子还是那条?好吧,那条。
10:11
And it worked工作 brilliantly出色.
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问题被出色的解决了。
10:13
She got dressed连衣裙的 quickly很快
and without resistance抵抗性.
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她很快穿好了衣服,
没有任何抵抗。
当我在世界各地问这个问题,
10:17
When I've asked the question
around the world世界
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10:19
when people feel comfortable自在 speaking请讲 up,
217
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什么时候人们能够
舒服地大声说出想法,
10:21
the number one answer回答 is:
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排名第一的回答是:
10:23
"When I have social社会 support支持
in my audience听众; when I have allies盟国."
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“当我能在观众中得到支持;
当我有队友的时候。”
10:28
So we want to get allies盟国 on our side.
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所以我们希望有盟友支持自己。
10:31
How do we do that?
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我们要如何做到这一点?
10:33
Well, one of the ways方法 is be a mama妈妈 bear.
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好吧,一种方式是做一只熊妈妈。
10:36
When we advocate主张 for others其他,
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当我们为他人发声的时候,
10:37
we expand扩大 our range范围 in our own拥有 eyes眼睛
and the eyes眼睛 of others其他,
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我们就扩大了我们自己的范围,
也扩大了别人眼中的我们,
10:41
but we also earn strong强大 allies盟国.
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我们同时也得到了强有力的盟友。
10:43
Another另一个 way we can earn strong强大 allies盟国,
especially特别 in high places地方,
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另一种得到盟友的方式,
特别是身居高位的时候,
10:48
is by asking other people for advice忠告.
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就是寻求他人的建议。
10:51
When we ask others其他 for advice忠告,
they like us because we flatter奉承 them,
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当我们向他人寻求建议时,他们
就会因为我们重视他们而喜欢我们
10:57
and we're expressing表达 humility谦逊.
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因为我们表现出了谦恭。
10:59
And this really works作品 to solve解决
another另一个 double bind捆绑.
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这能够帮助我们解决
另外一个两难的局面。
11:02
And that's the self-promotion自我推销 double bind捆绑.
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那就是自我推销两难的情况。
11:05
The self-promotion自我推销 double bind捆绑
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自我推销两难
11:07
is that if we don't advertise广告
our accomplishments成就,
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就是如果我们不宣传我们的成就,
11:10
no one notices通告.
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就没人会注意。
11:11
And if we do, we're not likable讨人喜欢.
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如果我们宣传,我们就不讨喜。
11:13
But if we ask for advice忠告
about one of our accomplishments成就,
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但是如果我们就
自己的成就征求意见,
11:17
we are able能够 to be competent胜任
in their eyes眼睛 but also be likeable可爱.
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在他人眼中,我们就会
变得能干且讨人喜欢。
11:22
And this is so powerful强大
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这真的很有用,
11:24
it even works作品 when you see it coming未来.
239
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甚至当你已经看穿这个策略时仍然有用
11:27
There have been multiple times in life
when I have been forewarned凡事预
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我人生中有很多次,我已经预先被人提醒过
11:31
that a low-power低电量 person has been given特定
the advice忠告 to come ask me for advice忠告.
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有些实力不足的人
被建议来找我咨询
11:36
I want you to notice注意
three things about this:
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我希望你们在此注意三点:
11:38
First, I knew知道 they were going
to come ask me for advice忠告.
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第一,我知道他们要来找我询问建议。
11:41
Two, I've actually其实 doneDONE research研究
on the strategic战略 benefits好处
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第二,我也研究过的征求意见的战略性好处。
11:45
of asking for advice忠告.
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11:47
And three, it still worked工作!
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第三,这仍然管用!
我站在他们的角度,
11:50
I took their perspective透视,
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11:51
I became成为 more invested投资 in their calls电话,
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我在他们的诉求上花费更多的时间,
11:54
I became成为 more committed提交 to them
because they asked for advice忠告.
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我更加关注他们,
因为他们向我寻求了帮助。
11:58
Now, another另一个 time we feel
more confident信心 speaking请讲 up
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另一种情况下,
我们也会有自信大声说,
12:01
is when we have expertise专门知识.
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那就是当我们掌握了专业知识。
12:04
Expertise专门知识 gives us credibility可信性.
252
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专业知识带给我们可信度。
12:06
When we have high power功率,
we already已经 have credibility可信性.
253
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当我们实力强大的时候,
我们就已经拥有了可信度。
12:09
We only need good evidence证据.
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我们只需要好的证据。
12:11
When we lack缺乏 power功率,
we don't have the credibility可信性.
255
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而我们实力不足的时候,
我们就没有可信度。
12:14
We need excellent优秀 evidence证据.
256
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我们就需要极佳的证据。
12:17
And one of the ways方法
we can come across横过 as an expert专家
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一种帮助我们被认作为专家的方式
12:21
is by tapping窃听 into our passion.
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就是发掘我们的热情。
12:23
I want everyone大家 in the next下一个 few少数 days
to go up to friend朋友 of theirs他们的
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我希望每个人都能在未来的
几天当中,去见各自的朋友
12:27
and just say to them,
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和他们说,
12:29
"I want you to describe描述
a passion of yours你的 to me."
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“我希望你能够和我分享
一件你抱有热情的事。“
12:32
I've had people do this all over the world世界
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我在世界各地让人们做这件事,
12:35
and I asked them,
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然后我询问他们,
12:36
"What did you notice注意
about the other person
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“当朋友们向你们描述他们的热情时
12:38
when they described描述 their passion?"
265
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你注意到了什么?“
12:40
And the answers答案 are always the same相同.
266
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1900
答案永远是相同的。
12:42
"Their eyes眼睛 lit发光的 up and got big."
267
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“他们的眼睛变大了,变亮了。”
12:44
"They smiled笑笑 a big beaming聚束 smile微笑."
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“他们笑的很灿烂。”
12:47
"They used their hands all over --
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1644
“他们用手不断的比划着-
12:49
I had to duck because their
hands were coming未来 at me."
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我必须要躲闪,因为
他们的手都伸向了我。”
12:51
"They talk quickly很快
with a little higher更高 pitch沥青."
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“他们更快速的,用更高频的声调说话。”
(笑声)
12:54
(Laughter笑声)
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“他们倾向我,好像要跟
我讲什么秘密一样。”
12:55
"They leaned凑近 in
as if telling告诉 me a secret秘密."
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12:57
And then I said to them,
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然后,我就和他们说,
12:58
"What happened发生 to you
as you listened听了 to their passion?"
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“你们听他们讲述的时候,
你是什么样的反应呢?”
13:02
They said, "My eyes眼睛 lit发光的 up.
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他们说,“我的眼睛变亮了。
13:04
I smiled笑笑.
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我笑了。
13:05
I leaned凑近 in."
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我也倾向了他们。”
13:07
When we tap龙头 into our passion,
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当我们发掘自己的热情时,
13:09
we give ourselves我们自己 the courage勇气,
in our own拥有 eyes眼睛, to speak说话 up,
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我们通过自己的眼睛,
给予了自己大声说的勇气,
13:12
but we also get the permission允许
from others其他 to speak说话 up.
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但是我们也得到了他人的准许。
13:16
Tapping窃听 into our passion even works作品
when we come across横过 as too weak.
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发掘我们的热情,即使在
我们软弱的时候也会起作用。
13:22
Both men男人 and women妇女 get punished处罚
at work when they shed tears眼泪.
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无论是男性还是女性,
工作时流泪都会受到惩罚。
13:27
But Lizzie丽兹 Wolf has shown显示 that when
we frame our strong强大 emotions情绪 as passion,
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但是莉齐·沃尔夫发现
当我们将强烈的感情处理为激情的时候,
13:33
the condemnation非难 of our crying哭了
disappears消失 for both men男人 and women妇女.
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无论男性还是女性,
就都不会因落泪而受到谴责。
13:40
I want to end结束 with a few少数 words
from my late晚了 father父亲
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我希望引用我已故的
父亲的话来结束演讲
13:44
that he spoke at my twin双胞胎
brother's兄弟 wedding婚礼.
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这是他在我的
双胞胎兄弟的婚礼上说的。
13:46
Here's这里的 a picture图片 of us.
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这是我们的合影。
13:49
My dad was a psychologist心理学家 like me,
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我的父亲和我一样,都是心理学家,
13:51
but his real真实 love and his real真实
passion was cinema电影,
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但是他真正热爱的,
真正的热情在于电影,
就像我的兄弟一样。
13:55
like my brother哥哥.
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13:56
And so he wrote a speech言语
for my brother's兄弟 wedding婚礼
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所以,他就在我兄弟的
婚礼上发表了一个演讲
13:59
about the roles角色 we play
in the human人的 comedy喜剧.
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是关于我们在人类喜剧中
所扮演的角色的。
14:02
And he said, "The lighter打火机 your touch触摸,
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然后他说,“你的触感越细腻,
14:04
the better you become成为 at improving提高
and enriching丰富 your performance性能.
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你越能更好地提高
和丰富你的表演能力
14:09
Those who embrace拥抱 their roles角色
and work to improve提高 their performance性能
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那些带入角色当中,
努力提高演技的人,
14:14
grow增长, change更改 and expand扩大 the self.
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成长,改变,扩张自我。
14:17
Play it well,
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好好演,
14:18
and your days will be mostly大多 joyful快乐."
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你们的生活就会很快乐的。”
14:20
What my dad was saying
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我父亲的意思是,
14:22
is that we've我们已经 all been assigned分配
ranges范围 and roles角色 in this world世界.
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我们在这个世界上都有
各自的可理解范围和角色。
但他也讲出了这次演讲的精髓:
14:27
But he was also saying
the essence本质 of this talk:
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14:31
those roles角色 and ranges范围 are constantly经常
expanding扩大 and evolving进化.
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这些角色和范围是在
不断扩大和进化的。
当情景需要的时候,
14:36
So when a scene现场 calls电话 for it,
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14:39
be a ferocious凶猛 mama妈妈 bear
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变成一只凶猛的熊妈妈,
14:41
and a humble谦卑 advice忠告 seeker导引头.
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或是一个谦恭的咨询者。
14:43
Have excellent优秀 evidence证据 and strong强大 allies盟国.
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拥有极佳的证据和强大的盟友。
14:47
Be a passionate多情 perspective透视 taker接受者.
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成为一个热情的换位思考者。
14:50
And if you use those tools工具 --
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如果你能够运用这些工具-
14:52
and each and every一切 one of you
can use these tools工具 --
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这些是在座的每一位
都能够使用的工具-
14:56
you will expand扩大 your range范围
of acceptable接受 behavior行为,
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你们就能扩大你们的
可接受行为范围,
14:59
and your days will be mostly大多 joyful快乐.
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你们的生活就会很快乐的。
谢谢。
15:04
Thank you.
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15:05
(Applause掌声)
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(掌声)
Translated by Junyi Sha
Reviewed by Yuxiao Chen

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Adam Galinsky - Social psychologist
Adam Galinsky teaches people all over the world how to inspire others, speak up effectively, lead teams and negotiate successfully.

Why you should listen

Adam Galinsky is currently the chair of the management division at Columbia Business School. He co-authored the critically acclaimed and best-selling book, Friend & Foe, which distills his two decades of research on leadership, negotiations, diversity, decision-making and ethics. The New York Times says the book performed "a significant public service" and the Financial Times declared that Friend & Foe "fulfills its promise of handing the reader tools to be a better friend and a more formidable foe."

Galinsky has received numerous national and international awards for his teaching and research. He is only the second psychologist to ever to receive the two most important mid-career Awards in Social Psychology. In 2015, he was named one of the top 50 Thinkers on Talent by Thinkers50. In recognition of the quality of his teaching and research, he was selected as one of the World's 50 Best B-School Professors by Poets and Quants (2012). 

Galinsky has consulted with and conducted executive workshops for clients across the globe, including Fortune 100 firms, non-profits and local and national governments. He has served as a legal expert in multiple defamation lawsuits, including a trial where he was the sole expert witness for a plaintiff awarded $37 million in damages. 

Outside of his professional life, Galinsky is the associate producer on four award-winning documentaries, including Horns and Halos and Battle for Brooklyn, which were both short-listed for Best Documentary at the Academy Awards.

More profile about the speaker
Adam Galinsky | Speaker | TED.com