ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Sue Klebold - Activist
Sue Klebold has become a passionate agent working to advance mental health awareness and intervention.

Why you should listen

Sue Klebold is the mother of Dylan Klebold, one of the two shooters at Columbine High School in 1999. Since the massacre, Sue has spent years excavating every detail of her family life, and trying to understand what she could have done to prevent it. In 2016, after years of evading public scrutiny, Klebold published A Mother's Reckoning: Living In the Aftermath of Tragedy, a powerful memoir in which she explores the crucial intersection between mental health and violence. As a passionate advocate for brain health awareness and intervention, she is donating any profits from the book to mental health charities, research and suicide prevention, hoping for solutions that will help parents and professionals spot and thwart signs of trouble.

More profile about the speaker
Sue Klebold | Speaker | TED.com
TEDMED 2016

Sue Klebold: My son was a Columbine shooter. This is my story

苏·克莱伯德: 我儿子是哥伦拜恩校园事件的枪击者。这是我的故事。

Filmed:
10,022,839 views

苏·克莱伯德是迪伦·克莱伯德的母亲,迪伦是哥伦拜恩校园惨案两名枪击者之一,导致12名学生和1名教师死亡。她花费数年挖掘她家庭生活的每一个细节,尝试理解她曾经能做什么来让儿子远离暴力。在这个艰难的不和谐的演讲中,克莱伯德探讨了心理健康与暴力之间的交集,倡导家长和专业人士继续研究自杀和杀人思维之间的联系。
- Activist
Sue Klebold has become a passionate agent working to advance mental health awareness and intervention. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:26
The last time I heard听说 my son's儿子 voice语音
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我最后一次听到我儿子的声音
00:28
was when he walked out the front面前 door
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是在他走出家门
00:30
on his way to school学校.
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去学校时
00:33
He called out one word in the darkness黑暗:
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黑暗中他只说了一个字
00:36
"Bye再见."
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“拜”。
00:38
It was April四月 20, 1999.
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那是1999年的4月20日。
00:41
Later后来 that morning早上,
at Columbine鸽的 High School学校,
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那天早上晚些时候,在哥伦拜恩高中
00:44
my son儿子 Dylan迪伦 and his friend朋友 Eric埃里克
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我儿子迪伦和他的朋友埃里克
00:47
killed杀害 12 students学生们 and a teacher老师
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枪杀了12名学生和1名老师
00:51
and wounded负伤 more than 20 others其他
before taking服用 their own拥有 lives生活.
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并且在他们两人自杀之前还造成20多人受伤。
00:56
Thirteen十三 innocent无辜 people were killed杀害,
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13个无辜的人丧失了性命,
00:59
leaving离开 their loved喜爱 ones那些
in a state of grief哀思 and trauma外伤.
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让深爱他们人陷入深深的悲痛之中
01:03
Others其他 sustained持续 injuries受伤,
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另外有一些人受了伤,
01:05
some resulting造成 in disfigurement毁容
and permanent常驻 disability失能.
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有一个些人毁容或是终身残疾。
01:10
But the enormity艰巨 of the tragedy悲剧
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但是悲剧的深重程度
01:12
can't be measured测量 only by the number
of deaths死亡 and injuries受伤 that took place地点.
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是无法仅仅通过死亡和受伤人数来衡量的
01:17
There's no way to quantify量化
the psychological心理 damage损伤
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当时在学校里的人受到的心理伤害
01:21
of those who were in the school学校,
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是无法量化地体现出来的
01:23
or who took part部分
in rescue拯救 or cleanup清理 efforts努力.
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对于参与救援或清理工作的人员也是如此
01:27
There's no way to assess评估
the magnitude大小 of a tragedy悲剧 like Columbine鸽的,
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我们没有办法评估像哥伦拜恩事件的严重程度
01:31
especially特别 when it can be a blueprint蓝图
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特别当这件事可能会被
01:33
for other shooters射手 who go on
to commit承诺 atrocities暴行 of their own拥有.
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其他谋划暴行的枪击者当成范例
01:38
Columbine鸽的 was a tidal潮汐 wave,
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哥伦拜恩事件就像一个浪潮,
01:41
and when the crash紧急 ended结束,
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即便悲剧结束以后,
01:42
it would take years年份
for the community社区 and for society社会
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当地社区和整个社会
还需要通过很长一段时间
01:46
to comprehend理解 its impact碰撞.
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来理解这件事真实的影响力
01:49
It has taken采取 me years年份
to try to accept接受 my son's儿子 legacy遗产.
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我花了许多年的时间
才接受我儿子留下的一切
01:54
The cruel残忍 behavior行为
that defined定义 the end结束 of his life
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他用残忍的方式来结束自己的生命
01:57
showed显示 me that he was a completely全然
different不同 person from the one I knew知道.
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让我发现
这完全不是我所熟悉的那个人
02:02
Afterwards之后 people asked,
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在那之后有很多人问我,
02:05
"How could you not know?
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“你怎么可能不知道你儿子要枪杀别人?
02:07
What kind of a mother母亲 were you?"
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你这是什么样的母亲?“
02:10
I still ask myself those same相同 questions问题.
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直到现在
我仍旧会问自己相同的问题
02:14
Before the shootings枪击事件,
I thought of myself as a good mom妈妈.
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在枪击案前,
我自认为是一个很好的母亲
02:17
Helping帮助 my children孩子 become成为 caring爱心,
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帮助我的孩子们懂得如何关心他人,
02:20
healthy健康, responsible主管 adults成年人
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如何成为健康和有责任感的人
02:22
was the most important重要 role角色 of my life.
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是我毕生最重要的事情。
02:26
But the tragedy悲剧 convinced相信 me
that I failed失败 as a parent,
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但是这个惨剧让我意识到
自己是一个失败的家长
02:30
and it's partially部分 this sense of failure失败
that brings带来 me here today今天.
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正是缘于这种挫败感
让我今天站到了这里
02:36
Aside在旁边 from his father父亲,
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除了他的父亲,
02:37
I was the one person
who knew知道 and loved喜爱 Dylan迪伦 the most.
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我曾是最了解和深爱迪伦的人
02:41
If anyone任何人 could have known已知
what was happening事件,
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如果有任何人有机会知道那起枪杀案
02:44
it should have been me, right?
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那应该是我,不是吗?
02:47
But I didn't know.
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但是我却一无所知。
02:50
Today今天, I'm here to share分享 the experience经验
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今天,我就来分享自己
02:52
of what it's like to be the mother母亲
of someone有人 who kills杀死 and hurts伤害.
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作为一个杀害他人的孩子的母亲的经历
02:57
For years年份 after the tragedy悲剧,
I combed梳理 through通过 memories回忆,
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在悲剧发生后的这些年里,
我梳理了记忆
03:01
trying to figure数字 out
exactly究竟 where I failed失败 as a parent.
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试图弄明白
我作为家长的失败之处
03:05
But there are no simple简单 answers答案.
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但是这个问题并没有简单的答案
03:08
I can't give you any solutions解决方案.
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我无法给你们任何解决方案
03:10
All I can do
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我力所能及的
03:12
is share分享 what I have learned学到了.
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只有分享我从这件事中学到的东西
03:16
When I talk to people
who didn't know me before the shootings枪击事件,
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当我与那些在枪击案前不认识我的人谈话时
03:20
I have three challenges挑战 to meet遇到.
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我面临着三个挑战
03:22
First, when I walk步行 into a room房间 like this,
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第一,当我走进这样一个房间,
03:26
I never know if someone有人 there
has experienced有经验的 loss失利
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我永远无法知道其中是否有人
因为我儿子的所作所为
03:30
because of what my son儿子 did.
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正经历着丧亲之痛
03:33
I feel a need to acknowledge确认 the suffering痛苦
caused造成 by a member会员 of my family家庭
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我觉得我必须承担
由于我的家庭成员造成的痛苦
03:37
who isn't here to do it for himself他自己.
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即便他已无法亲自偿还
03:40
So first, with all of my heart,
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因此,如果我的伤害对你造成过上海
03:43
I'm sorry if my son儿子 has caused造成 you pain疼痛.
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我深表歉意
03:48
The second第二 challenge挑战 I have
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我面临的第二个挑战
03:51
is that I must必须 ask for understanding理解
and even compassion同情
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是当我谈及我的儿子是自杀而亡的时候
03:55
when I talk about
my son's儿子 death死亡 as a suicide自杀.
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我必须请求他人的理解
甚至是同情
03:59
Two years年份 before he died死亡,
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在他过世两年以前
04:01
he wrote on a piece of paper in a notebook笔记本
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他的笔记本上有一页写着
04:03
that he was cutting切割 himself他自己.
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他正在割伤自己
04:06
He said that he was in agony痛苦
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他说他很痛苦
04:07
and wanted to get a gun
so he could end结束 his life.
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希望用枪来结束自己的生命
04:11
I didn't know about any of this
until直到 months个月 after his death死亡.
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我直到他死后的数月才发现这些
04:15
When I talk about his death死亡 as a suicide自杀,
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当我谈及他是死于自杀时,
04:19
I'm not trying to downplay淡化 the viciousness恶意
he showed显示 at the end结束 of his life.
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我并非想故意淡化他在生命尽头时
所展现出来的残忍恶意
04:23
I'm trying to understand理解
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我尝试理解
04:25
how his suicidal自杀 thinking思维
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为什么他的自杀念想
04:27
led to murder谋杀.
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最后变成了谋杀
04:30
After a lot of reading
and talking with experts专家,
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在大量的阅读和与专家咨询后
04:33
I have come to believe
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我逐渐相信
04:35
that his involvement参与 in the shootings枪击事件
was rooted not in his desire欲望 to kill
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他参与枪杀
并非源于他想杀人
04:40
but in his desire欲望 to die.
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而是因为他的求死的欲望
04:43
The third第三 challenge挑战 I have
when I talk about my son's儿子 murder-suicide谋杀,自杀
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当我谈及我儿子的谋杀后自尽时
我面临的第三个挑战
04:48
is that I'm talking about mental心理 health健康 --
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是心理健康-
04:52
excuse借口 me --
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不好意思-
04:53
is that I'm talking about mental心理 health健康,
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我要谈论的是精神健康,
04:56
or brain health健康, as I prefer比较喜欢 to call it,
because it's more concrete具体.
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或者用更具体的说法
我更愿意称之为脑健康
05:00
And in the same相同 breath呼吸,
I'm talking about violence暴力.
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同时,我想谈及的是暴力
05:04
The last thing I want to do
is to contribute有助于 to the misunderstanding误解
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我最后一件想做的事是消除
05:08
that already已经 exists存在 around mental心理 illness疾病.
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人们关于精神疾病的误解。
05:11
Only a very small percent百分 of those
who have a mental心理 illness疾病
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只有一小部分精神疾病患者
05:16
are violent暴力 toward other people,
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会对周围人产生暴力行为
05:19
but of those who die by suicide自杀,
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但是据估计
对于自杀而亡的人
05:22
it's estimated预计 that about 75
to maybe more than 90 percent百分
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有75%到甚至超过90%的人
05:27
have a diagnosable可诊断
mental心理 health健康 condition条件 of some kind.
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都会被诊断出
患有某种程度的精神疾病
05:31
As you all know very well,
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众所周知
05:32
our mental心理 health健康 care关心 system系统
is not equipped装备 to help everyone大家,
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我们的精神健康康复系统
并不能帮助每一个人
05:37
and not everyone大家 with destructive有害 thoughts思念
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也不是每一个有破坏性思想的人
05:39
fits适合 the criteria标准
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都完全符合
05:41
for a specific具体 diagnosis诊断.
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某些病症诊断的特定标准
05:44
Many许多 who have ongoing不断的 feelings情怀
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很多人正经受着无休止的
05:46
of fear恐惧 or anger愤怒 or hopelessness绝望
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恐惧,愤怒,或是无助
05:50
are never assessed评估 or treated治疗.
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却永远无法得到诊断或治疗。
05:52
Too often经常, they get our attention注意
only if they reach达到 a behavioral行为的 crisis危机.
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太多时候,只有当这些人发生行为
危机时才能得到我们的注意
05:58
If estimates估计 are correct正确
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如果估计准确的话
06:00
that about one
to two percent百分 of all suicides自杀
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在1%到2%的自杀事件中
06:03
involves涉及 the murder谋杀 of another另一个 person,
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都会涉及到谋杀另一个人
06:07
when suicide自杀 rates利率 rise上升,
as they are rising升起 for some populations人群,
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当自杀率上升时
牵扯到的人数也同样上升,
06:11
the murder-suicide谋杀,自杀 rates利率
will rise上升 as well.
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谋杀后的自杀率也同样会上升
06:15
I wanted to understand理解 what was going on
in Dylan's迪伦的 mind心神 prior to his death死亡,
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我想知道在迪伦死之前
他到底在想什么
06:21
so I looked看着 for answers答案
from other survivors幸存者 of suicide自杀 loss失利.
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所以我想要从其他自杀幸存者中寻求答案
06:26
I did research研究 and volunteered自告奋勇
to help with fund-raising集资 events事件,
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我除了研究外
还志愿参加里协助筹款活动
06:31
and whenever每当 I could,
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只要我有时间
06:33
I talked with those who had
survived幸存 their own拥有 suicidal自杀 crisis危机
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我就会和那些在曾经经历自杀危机
06:37
or attempt尝试.
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或曾试图自杀的幸存者聊天
06:39
One of the most helpful有帮助
conversations对话 I had
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其中最让我受益匪浅的
06:42
was with a coworker同事
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是和我同事的一次谈话
06:43
who overheard偷听 me talking to someone有人 else其他
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她偶然听到我在办公室的
06:45
in my office办公室 cubicle.
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小隔间与其他人的谈话
06:47
She heard听说 me say
that Dylan迪伦 could not have loved喜爱 me
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她听到我说
如果迪伦能做出如此可怕的事情
06:51
if he could do something
as horrible可怕 as he did.
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他很可能从来就没有爱过我
06:55
Later后来, when she found发现 me alone单独,
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之后,当她看我独自一人时
06:57
she apologized道歉 for overhearing偷听
that conversation会话,
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她因为无意听到我与他人的谈话向我道歉,
07:00
but told me that I was wrong错误.
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但同时也告诉我我错了
07:02
She said that when she was
a young年轻, single mother母亲
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她说当她还是一个年轻的单身母亲
07:05
with three small children孩子,
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带着三个年幼的孩子时
07:07
she became成为 severely严重 depressed郁闷
and was hospitalized住院 to keep her safe安全.
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她变得极度沮丧
只有住院才能确保她的安全
07:13
At the time, she was certain某些
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当时,她相当肯定的是
07:15
that her children孩子
would be better off if she died死亡,
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如果她死了
孩子们将会过得更好
07:18
so she had made制作 a plan计划 to end结束 her life.
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所以她计划要结束自己的生命
07:21
She assured保证 me that a mother's母亲 love
was the strongest最强 bond on Earth地球,
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她向我保证
母爱是世界上最强有力的纽带
07:25
and that she loved喜爱 her children孩子
more than anything in the world世界,
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她爱自己的孩子
远胜于世界上的任何东西
07:29
but because of her illness疾病,
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但是因为她的疾病
07:31
she was sure that they
would be better off without her.
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她笃定没有她
孩子们会过得更好
07:36
What she said and what
I've learned学到了 from others其他
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她所说的
以及我从其他人那了解到的
07:39
is that we do not make
the so-called所谓 decision决定 or choice选择
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是我们不能通过自杀的行为
做出所谓的
07:43
to die by suicide自杀
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决定或是选择
07:45
in the same相同 way
that we choose选择 what car汽车 to drive驾驶
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这不能和我们在周六晚上
选择开哪辆车
07:48
or where to go on a Saturday星期六 night.
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或者去哪里的选择相提并论
07:51
When someone有人 is
in an extremely非常 suicidal自杀 state,
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当人们生活在一个
自杀率如此高的州
07:54
they are in a stage阶段 four
medical health健康 emergency.
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他们处于医疗急救的第四个阶段
07:59
Their thinking思维 is impaired受损 and they've他们已经
lost丢失 access访问 to tools工具 of self-governance自治.
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他们的思维受损
也丧失了自我管理的能力
08:05
Even though虽然 they can
make a plan计划 and act法案 with logic逻辑,
139
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即便他们可以做出计划
以及逻辑性地行动
08:08
their sense of truth真相
is distorted扭曲 by a filter过滤 of pain疼痛
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他们对真相的感知
已经被痛苦的过滤器扭曲
08:12
through通过 which哪一个 they
interpret their reality现实.
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而这影响了他们
对于真实世界的解读
08:15
Some people can be very good
at hiding this state,
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有些人非常善于隐藏这些状态
08:19
and they often经常 have
good reasons原因 for doing that.
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他们经常为自己所做的事情找到很好的理由
08:23
Many许多 of us have
suicidal自杀 thoughts思念 at some point,
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我们大多数人在某个时刻
都曾会有自杀的想法
08:27
but persistent一贯,
ongoing不断的 thoughts思念 of suicide自杀
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但是自杀念头持续在脑中萦绕
08:30
and devising制定 a means手段 to die
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和设计死亡的方式
08:32
are symptoms症状 of pathology病理,
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是病理学的症状,
08:35
and like many许多 illnesses疾病,
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就像许多疾病一样,
08:37
the condition条件 has to be
recognized认可 and treated治疗
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这种状况必须及时发现
并给予治疗
08:40
before a life is lost丢失.
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在生命结束以前
08:43
But my son's儿子 death死亡
was not purely纯粹 a suicide自杀.
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但是我儿子的死亡
并非纯粹的自杀
08:47
It involved参与 mass murder谋杀.
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它还涉及到了大规模的谋杀
08:50
I wanted to know how his
suicidal自杀 thinking思维 became成为 homicidal杀人.
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我想知道他的自杀念头
如何变成了杀人
08:56
But research研究 is sparse
and there are no simple简单 answers答案.
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但是相关的研究非常有限
这个问题同样也没有简单的答案
09:01
Yes, he probably大概 had ongoing不断的 depression萧条.
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没错,他很可能不可自拔地沉浸于沮丧之中
09:05
He had a personality个性
that was perfectionistic完美主义 and self-reliant独立的,
156
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他追求完美主义
做事偏向独立
09:12
and that made制作 him less likely容易
to seek寻求 help from others其他.
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因此他不太可能向他人寻求帮助
09:16
He had experienced有经验的
triggering触发 events事件 at the school学校
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他在学校曾经历过导火索事件
09:20
that left him feeling感觉
debased贬值 and humiliated羞辱 and mad.
159
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这让他觉得自己
因遭到鄙视和羞辱而愤怒
09:27
And he had a complicated复杂 friendship友谊
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他与一个和他一样
有着愤怒和被边缘化经历的男生
09:30
with a boy男孩 who shared共享 his feelings情怀
of rage愤怒 and alienation异化,
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有着复杂的交情
09:34
and who was seriously认真地 disturbed不安,
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这个男生心绪极度紊乱
09:37
controlling控制 and homicidal杀人.
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具有极强的控制欲和杀人倾向
09:41
And on top最佳 of this period in his life
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在他处于人生中最为异常
09:44
of extreme极端 vulnerability漏洞 and fragility脆弱性,
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脆弱和不稳定的时期,
09:48
Dylan迪伦 found发现 access访问 to guns枪炮
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迪伦开始设法获取枪支
09:50
even though虽然 we'd星期三 never
owned拥有的 any in our home.
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即便我们家从来都没有出现过
09:53
It was appallingly令人吃惊 easy简单
for a 17-year-old-岁 boy男孩 to buy购买 guns枪炮,
168
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没想到一个17岁的男生
能如此轻而易地举买到枪支
09:59
both legally法律上 and illegally非法,
without my permission允许 or knowledge知识.
169
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不论是合法还是非法,
而且是在不需要我的允许或了解的情况下
10:04
And somehow不知何故, 17 years年份
and many许多 school学校 shootings枪击事件 later后来,
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在过去的17年间
仍然发生了很多校园枪击事件
10:10
it's still appallingly令人吃惊 easy简单.
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它还是如此轻易地发生
10:14
What Dylan迪伦 did that day broke打破 my heart,
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迪伦当天所作所为伤透了我的心
10:18
and as trauma外伤 so often经常 does,
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这痛苦就像创伤一样时常复发
10:20
it took a toll收费 on my body身体 and on my mind心神.
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它让我身心俱疲
10:24
Two years年份 after the shootings枪击事件,
I got breast乳房 cancer癌症,
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在枪击案发生后两年后
我得了乳腺癌
10:28
and two years年份 after that,
I began开始 to have mental心理 health健康 problems问题.
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再之后的两年
我开始出现精神问题
10:33
On top最佳 of the constant不变, perpetual永动的 grief哀思
177
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3416
我沉浸在无尽的悲伤之中
10:36
I was terrified that I would run
into a family家庭 member会员
178
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3576
我非常害怕自己会不小心遇到
10:40
of someone有人 Dylan迪伦 had killed杀害,
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被迪伦所杀害的人的家属
10:42
or be accosted搭讪 by the press
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或者被媒体
10:45
or by an angry愤怒 citizen公民.
181
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被愤怒的民众谴责
10:47
I was afraid害怕 to turn on the news新闻,
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我不敢看新闻,
10:50
afraid害怕 to hear myself being存在 called
a terrible可怕 parent or a disgusting讨厌 person.
183
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不敢听到自己被称为糟糕透顶的家长
或者令人作呕之人
10:58
I started开始 having panic恐慌 attacks攻击.
184
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我开始患上急性焦虑发作的疾病
11:02
The first bout回合 started开始
four years年份 after the shootings枪击事件,
185
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在枪击案发生后的第四年
我的急性焦虑症第一次发作
11:06
when I was getting得到 ready准备
for the depositions证言
186
641440
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是在准备出席法庭作证
11:09
and would have to meet遇到
the victims'受害者 families家庭 face面对 to face面对.
187
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与受害家属面对面的时候
11:12
The second第二 round回合 started开始
six years年份 after the shootings枪击事件,
188
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3376
第二次发作是在枪击案后的第六年
11:16
when I was preparing准备
to speak说话 publicly公然 about murder-suicide谋杀,自杀
189
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当我第一次准备面对公众
11:19
for the first time at a conference会议.
190
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2000
做一场有关于谋杀后自尽的演讲时
11:22
Both episodes发作 lasted历时 several一些 weeks.
191
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两次发作都持续数周
11:27
The attacks攻击 happened发生 everywhere到处:
192
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2136
急性焦虑症随时随地都能发作:
11:29
in the hardware硬件 store商店, in my office办公室,
193
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3296
在五金用品店,在我的办公室里,
甚至当我在床上看书时
11:32
or even while reading a book in bed.
194
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2040
11:35
My mind心神 would suddenly突然 lock
into this spinning纺织 cycle周期 of terror恐怖
195
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5056
我的心绪
会忽然陷入恐惧的死循环中
不管我多么努力地尝试
11:40
and no matter how I hard I tried试着
196
675680
2096
11:42
to calm冷静 myself down
or reason原因 my way out of it,
197
677800
4056
让自己平静下来
说服自己脱离恐惧
11:46
I couldn't不能 do it.
198
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1280
也没有任何效果
11:49
It felt as if my brain
was trying to kill me,
199
684440
2560
我只感觉我的大脑要致我于死地
对恐惧本身的恐惧
11:52
and then, being存在 afraid害怕 of being存在 afraid害怕
200
687920
2576
11:55
consumed消费 all of my thoughts思念.
201
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1800
吞噬了我所有的思绪
11:58
That's when I learned学到了 firsthand第一手
202
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这是第一次我亲身感受到
12:00
what it feels感觉 like
to have a malfunctioning故障 mind心神,
203
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2440
心绪紊乱时的感觉
这也促使我
彻底成为脑健康的倡导者
12:03
and that's when I truly
became成为 a brain health健康 advocate主张.
204
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通过治疗、药物和自我护理
12:08
With therapy治疗 and medication药物治疗 and self-care自我护理,
205
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2976
12:11
life eventually终于 returned
206
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1816
生活最终会回归到
12:13
to whatever随你 could be thought of
as normal正常 under the circumstances情况.
207
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我们所认为的正轨
12:18
When I looked看着 back
on all that had happened发生,
208
713240
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当我回顾这些年来发生的事情,
12:20
I could see that my son's儿子
spiral螺旋 into dysfunction功能障碍
209
715320
3560
我终于明白
早在事件发生的2年前
我儿子很可能
已经陷入了功能紊乱的漩涡
12:24
probably大概 occurred发生
over a period of about two years年份,
210
719680
3496
12:28
plenty丰富 of time to get him help,
211
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哪怕有一个人知道他需要帮助
知道如何帮助他
12:31
if only someone有人 had known已知
that he needed需要 help
212
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3016
12:34
and known已知 what to do.
213
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1320
两年的时间是足够挽回这一切的
12:40
Every一切 time someone有人 asks me,
214
735680
2576
每次有人问我,
“你怎么可能不知道呢?”的时候
12:43
"How could you not have known已知?",
215
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2456
12:45
it feels感觉 like a punch冲床 in the gut肠道.
216
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2000
我就感觉心上被重重地打了一拳
12:48
It carries携带 accusation指控
and taps水龙头 into my feelings情怀 of guilt有罪
217
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4536
这种带着谴责的质问
直捣我心底的内疚感
12:53
that no matter how much therapy治疗 I've had
218
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2496
不论我接受过多少治疗
12:55
I will never fully充分 eradicate根除.
219
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1920
我也永远无法做到不为所动
12:58
But here's这里的 something I've learned学到了:
220
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但同时我也学习到
13:01
if love were enough足够
221
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1856
如果我们有足够的爱
13:03
to stop someone有人 who is suicidal自杀
222
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2136
就能够阻止那些有自杀念想的人
13:05
from hurting伤害 themselves他们自己,
223
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对自己进行伤害
13:08
suicides自杀 would hardly几乎不 ever happen发生.
224
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2200
自杀将几乎不再发生
13:11
But love is not enough足够,
225
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1800
但是光有爱还不够,
自杀是如此普遍的一件事情
13:14
and suicide自杀 is prevalent流行.
226
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1760
13:16
It's the second第二 leading领导 cause原因 of death死亡
227
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自杀是导致10岁到34岁的人群
13:19
for people age年龄 10 to 34,
228
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死亡的第二大原因
13:22
and 15 percent百分 of American美国 youth青年
229
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2656
其中有15%的美国青少年
13:25
report报告 having made制作 a suicide自杀 plan计划
230
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2736
表示自己仅仅在去年
13:28
in the last year.
231
783080
1200
就有过自杀的计划
13:31
I've learned学到了 that no matter
how much we want to believe we can,
232
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4120
我意识到
不管我们如何坚信
13:36
we cannot不能 know or control控制
233
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2816
自己可以了解所爱之人的想法和感受
13:38
everything our loved喜爱 ones那些 think and feel,
234
793840
1960
实际上也无法感知或掌握他们的所思所感
13:41
and the stubborn倔强 belief信仰
that we are somehow不知何故 different不同,
235
796760
3120
每个人固执地相信
自己多少有些与众不同
13:45
that someone有人 we love
would never think of hurting伤害 themselves他们自己
236
800560
3416
我们爱的人
从未有过伤害自己
13:49
or someone有人 else其他,
237
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1200
或者伤害他人的想法
13:51
can cause原因 us to miss小姐
238
806080
2016
这会让我们错过那些隐藏着的
13:53
what's hidden in plain sight视力.
239
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1800
本应轻易被发现的事实。
13:56
And if worst最差 case案件 scenarios场景
do come to pass通过,
240
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3440
如果当最坏的情况真的发生了,
14:01
we'll have to learn学习
to forgive原谅 ourselves我们自己 for not knowing会心
241
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3896
我们一定要学会
原谅自己的不知情
14:05
or for not asking the right questions问题
242
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2696
没有正确地发问
14:08
or not finding发现 the right treatment治疗.
243
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2720
或是没有使用合理的解决办法
14:12
We should always assume承担
244
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我们应该常常假设
14:13
that someone有人 we love may可能 be suffering痛苦,
245
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2640
我们所爱之人也许正处在痛苦之中,
14:16
regardless而不管 of what they say
246
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2616
不管他们说什么
14:19
or how they act法案.
247
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或者他们如何表现
14:21
We should listen with our whole整个 being存在,
248
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我们必须全身心投入地倾听他们
14:24
without judgments判断,
249
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1200
不带丝毫批判
14:26
and without offering solutions解决方案.
250
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不提供任何解决方式
14:32
I know that I will live生活 with this tragedy悲剧,
251
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3216
我知道我将一直背负着这个悲剧
14:35
with these multiple tragedies悲剧,
252
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1936
这些悲剧会
14:37
for the rest休息 of my life.
253
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充斥着我的余生
14:40
I know that in the minds头脑 of many许多,
254
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2000
我知道在很多人心中,
14:46
what I lost丢失 can't compare比较
to what the other families家庭 lost丢失.
255
861080
3760
我所失去的
无法与其他家庭的损失相提并论
14:51
I know my struggle斗争
doesn't make theirs他们的 any easier更轻松.
256
866240
2600
我知道我内心的煎熬
并不会减轻他们一丝一毫的痛苦
14:56
I know there are even some who think
I don't have the right to any pain疼痛,
257
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5376
我知道很多人甚至觉得
我都不配有痛苦的权利
15:01
but only to a life of permanent常驻 penance苦修.
258
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2840
唯一能做的仅仅是无尽的忏悔
15:06
In the end结束 what I know comes down to this:
259
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2680
最后我想说的是:
15:10
the tragic悲惨 fact事实 is that even
the most vigilant警惕 and responsible主管 of us
260
885320
6176
最可悲的事其实是
即便我们中最有洞察力和责任心的人
15:16
may可能 not be able能够 to help,
261
891520
1920
也可能无法提供帮助,
15:19
but for love's爱的 sake清酒,
262
894840
2176
但是为了爱,
15:22
we must必须 never stop trying
263
897040
2176
我们必须永不放弃
15:24
to know the unknowable不可知.
264
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去了解那些未解之谜。
15:26
Thank you.
265
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谢谢大家。
15:27
(Applause掌声)
266
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(掌声)
Translated by Ying Lu
Reviewed by Leyue Wang

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Sue Klebold - Activist
Sue Klebold has become a passionate agent working to advance mental health awareness and intervention.

Why you should listen

Sue Klebold is the mother of Dylan Klebold, one of the two shooters at Columbine High School in 1999. Since the massacre, Sue has spent years excavating every detail of her family life, and trying to understand what she could have done to prevent it. In 2016, after years of evading public scrutiny, Klebold published A Mother's Reckoning: Living In the Aftermath of Tragedy, a powerful memoir in which she explores the crucial intersection between mental health and violence. As a passionate advocate for brain health awareness and intervention, she is donating any profits from the book to mental health charities, research and suicide prevention, hoping for solutions that will help parents and professionals spot and thwart signs of trouble.

More profile about the speaker
Sue Klebold | Speaker | TED.com