TED2008
Laura Trice: Remember to say thank you
羅拉．特萊斯 建議我們說謝謝
Filmed:
Readability: 2.4
2,449,953 views
在短短三分鐘的演講，羅拉．特萊斯博士探討了「謝謝」這兩個字的力量。它們可以增進友情，修補人際關係，讓另一個人知道他對你有多麼重要。試試說「謝謝」吧！
Laura Trice - Counselor, coach and baker
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food. Full bio
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:18
Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of
0
0
4000
大家好。今天我在這裡要和各位聊聊
00:22
praise, admiration and thank you,
1
4000
3000
讚美、欽佩和感謝的重要性
00:25
and having it be specific and genuine.
2
7000
2000
以及明確且真誠地把它們表達出來的重要
00:27
And the way I got interested in this was,
3
9000
2000
我會對這個主題感興趣是因為
00:29
I noticed in myself, when I was growing up,
4
11000
3000
我發現在我成長過程中
00:32
and until about a few years ago,
5
14000
1000
一直到近幾年為止
00:33
that I would want to say thank you to someone,
6
15000
2000
我會想對別人說聲謝謝
00:35
I would want to praise them,
7
17000
1000
我會想要讚美他們
00:36
I would want to take in their praise of me
8
18000
2000
我也會想要接受他們對我的讚美
00:38
and I'd just stop it.
9
20000
2000
可是我就是不曾付諸行動
00:40
And I asked myself, why?
10
22000
3000
我問自己：為什麼會這樣呢？
00:43
I felt shy, I felt embarrassed.
11
25000
2000
以前我會害羞，會覺得很不好意思
00:45
And then my question became,
12
27000
2000
然後我的問題延伸為
00:47
am I the only one who does this?
13
29000
2000
是不是只有我這樣呢？
00:49
So, I decided to investigate.
14
31000
1000
於是我開始研究
00:50
I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility,
15
32000
3000
我有幸在一家勒戒中心工作
00:53
so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction.
16
35000
3000
所以有機會接觸一些因為毒癮而在生死邊緣遊走掙扎的人
00:56
And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as,
17
38000
4000
其實有時候他們的問題很簡單
01:00
their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them.
18
42000
5000
他們傷痛的癥結是父親生前從沒當面表示以他們為傲
01:05
But then, they hear from all the family and friends
19
47000
2000
可是父親卻跟所有的親朋好友都說
01:07
that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him,
20
49000
3000
自己以兒子為榮
01:10
but he never told the son.
21
52000
1000
但是父親從來沒有對兒子說過
01:11
It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.
22
53000
3000
因為父親不知道兒子需要親耳聽到父親的讚美
01:14
So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need?
23
56000
4000
所以我的問題是：為什麼我們不告訴別人我們需要什麼呢？
01:18
I know a gentleman, married for 25 years,
24
60000
2000
我認識一個結婚25年的人
01:20
who's longing to hear his wife say,
25
62000
2000
他很渴望聽到他的老婆說
01:22
"Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids,"
26
64000
3000
「謝謝你扛起了養家的責任，讓我可以好好在家照顧孩子。」
01:25
but won't ask.
27
67000
1000
可是他從不曾跟他老婆說
01:26
I know a woman who's good at this.
28
68000
2000
我認識一個女生，在這方面就很厲害
01:28
She, once a week, meets with her husband and says,
29
70000
2000
每個星期，她會跟她老公說：
01:30
"I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids."
30
72000
4000
「我真的很希望你感謝我為這個家和孩子所做的事。」
01:34
And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great."
31
76000
3000
然後她先生就會說：「喔，這個好棒，這個好棒。」
01:37
And praise really does have to be genuine,
32
79000
2000
當然，這種讚美一定要是發自內心的
01:39
but she takes responsibility for that.
33
81000
2000
但這個女生得為她想得到的讚美而負起責任
01:41
And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten,
34
83000
3000
我還有一個從幼稚園就認識的朋友，叫做 April
01:44
she thanks her children for doing their chores.
35
86000
3000
她會謝謝她的小孩幫忙做家事
01:47
And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"
36
89000
2000
她告訴我：「雖然他們應該做家事，可是我為什麼因此就不感謝他們呢？」
01:49
So, the question is, why was I blocking it?
37
91000
2000
所以，為什麼我之前抗拒讚美別人呢？
01:51
Why were other people blocking it?
38
93000
1000
為什麼很多其他的人也抗拒呢？
01:52
Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare,
39
94000
3000
為什麼我可以說：「我的牛排要三，四分熟」
01:55
I need size six shoes," but I won't say,
40
97000
3000
「我要六號鞋」，但是我卻不能說：
01:58
"Would you praise me this way?"
41
100000
2000
「請你這樣讚美我」？
02:00
And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me.
42
102000
4000
因為這樣我就得把我的重要資料告訴別人
02:04
I'm telling you where I'm insecure.
43
106000
2000
那等於是告訴別人我那裡缺乏安全感
02:06
I'm telling you where I need your help.
44
108000
2000
等於是告訴別人我那裡需要幫助
02:08
And I'm treating you, my inner circle,
45
110000
3000
而我卻把你這個死黨朋友
02:11
like you're the enemy.
46
113000
2000
看作敵人一樣
02:13
Because what can you do with that data?
47
115000
2000
因為我不知道你會怎麼處理與我相關的那些資料
02:15
You could neglect me.
48
117000
2000
你可能會忽視我
02:17
You could abuse it.
49
119000
1000
你可能會濫用它來傷害我
02:18
Or you could actually meet my need.
50
120000
2000
或許你也可能真正滿足我的需求
02:20
And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this --
51
122000
2000
我曾經把我的自行車送到自行車店裡 -- 我很喜歡這個故事 --
02:22
same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels.
52
124000
3000
同一輛腳踏車，他們說他們會幫它「矯正車輪」
02:25
The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels,
53
127000
2000
維修人員說：「你知道嗎？做了矯正車輪之後
02:27
it's going to make the bike so much better."
54
129000
1000
你的腳踏車就會更好騎。」
02:28
I get the same bike back,
55
130000
2000
維修完，我把我的腳踏車拿回來
02:30
and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels
56
132000
3000
他們把輪胎彎曲變形的地方都矯正了
02:33
I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new.
57
135000
3000
這輛車已經買了兩年半，但現在它像新的一樣
02:36
So, I'm going to challenge all of you.
58
138000
2000
所以我要你們每個人都接受一個挑戰
02:38
I want you to true your wheels:
59
140000
2000
我要你們矯正自己的生命之輪：
02:40
be honest about the praise that you need to hear.
60
142000
3000
誠實面對自己，你們想要聽到什麼讚美
02:43
What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife --
61
145000
2000
你想要聽到什麼讚美？回去找你的太太
02:45
go ask her, what does she need?
62
147000
2000
問她，她需要聽什麼讚美？
02:47
Go home to your husband -- what does he need?
63
149000
2000
回家問你的先生，他需要什麼讚美？
02:49
Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.
64
151000
3000
回家釐清這些問題，然後幫助你身邊所有的人
02:52
And it's simple.
65
154000
1000
這很簡單，一點也不複雜
02:53
And why should we care about this?
66
155000
2000
我們為何要在乎這件事呢？
02:55
We talk about world peace.
67
157000
1000
我們常說世界和平
02:56
How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages?
68
158000
3000
但要怎麼樣才能得到世界和平？有這麼多不同的文化和語言
02:59
I think it starts household by household, under the same roof.
69
161000
4000
我認為那要從同一個家庭，同一個屋簷下做起
03:03
So, let's make it right in our own backyard.
70
165000
2000
所以讓我們從自家開始
03:05
And I want to thank all of you in the audience
71
167000
2000
我要謝謝在座的每一位
03:07
for being great husbands, great mothers,
72
169000
2000
你們是好先生，好母親
03:09
friends, daughters, sons.
73
171000
2000
好朋友，好女兒，好兒子
03:11
And maybe somebody's never said that to you,
74
173000
1000
也許從來沒有人為此向你們道過謝
03:12
but you've done a really, really good job.
75
174000
2000
但是你們真的做得很好
03:14
And thank you for being here, just showing up
76
176000
3000
還有謝謝你們來聽演講
03:17
and changing the world with your ideas.
77
179000
3000
也謝謝你們用想法改變這個世界
03:20
Thank you.
78
182000
2000
謝謝
03:22
(Applause)
79
184000
7000
（掌聲）
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Laura Trice - Counselor, coach and bakerLaura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food.
Why you should listen
Dr. Laura Trice is a therapist and coach, devoted to practices that help people find fulfillment. She's created a therapeutic program called Writing in Recovery that uses creative skills such as journaling and music to help people develop better self-awareness and set goals. She's taught this program at such well-known clinics as Betty Ford and Promises. She's the author of the book How to Work Any 12-Step Program.
In her other life, she is the head of Laura's Wholesome Junk Food, making healthy cookies and brownies.
Laura Trice | Speaker | TED.com