ABOUT THE SPEAKER
John Hodgman - Expert
John Hodgman is a writer, humorist, geek celebrity, former professional literary agent and expert on all world knowledge. He was the bumbling PC in Apple's long-running "I'm a Mac; I'm a PC" ad campaign.

Why you should listen

You may know him only as the PC in Apple's PC vs. Mac smackdown ads, or as the Daily Show with Jon Stewart's Resident Expert. But John Hodgman has many other claims to fame. He's the author of The Areas of My Expertise, which provides vital and completely fake details on the great lobster conspiracy, hoboes, nine US presidents who had hooks for hands, and how to win a fight; the followup More Information Than You Require; and his newest (and he claims last), That Is All.

He is a contributing writer for the New York Times Magazine; host of the Little Gray Book Lectures, a monthly series that has aired on This American Life; and an actual former professional literary agent.

More profile about the speaker
John Hodgman | Speaker | TED.com
TED2008

John Hodgman: Aliens, love -- where are they?

John Hodman﹕一個有關時間裂縫的小故事。

Filmed:
2,321,311 views

幽默大師 John Hodgman 講述有關外星人﹐物理﹐時間﹐空間的故事﹐經由這些元素﹐我們聽見了一個甜蜜﹐完美的戀愛回憶。
- Expert
John Hodgman is a writer, humorist, geek celebrity, former professional literary agent and expert on all world knowledge. He was the bumbling PC in Apple's long-running "I'm a Mac; I'm a PC" ad campaign. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:18
You all know this story故事.
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你們都知道這個故事.
00:20
In the summer夏季 of 1950,
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在1950年的夏天,
00:22
Enrico恩里科 Fermi費米, the Italian-American意大利 - 美國 physicist物理學家
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Enrico Fermi, 美國的意大利籍物理學家
00:24
and atomic-pile原子堆 builder建設者,
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原子反應堆建造者
00:27
went to lunch午餐 at Los洛杉磯 Alamos洛斯阿拉莫斯 National國民 Laboratory實驗室
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在Los Alamos 國家實驗室和一些同事們共進午餐,
00:29
and joined加盟 some colleagues同事 there, and asked them a question:
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他問了一個問題:
00:32
"Where is everybody每個人?"
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"大家都去了哪?"
00:34
This confused困惑 his colleagues同事, obviously明顯,
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很顯然,這句話讓大家都很困惑.
00:37
because they were sitting坐在 right there with him.
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因為他們正跟他坐在一起.
00:39
And then he had to clarify澄清 that he wasn't talking about them.
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他不得不解釋說他不是在說他們
00:42
He was talking about the space空間 aliens外星人.
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而是那些外星人
00:45
You see, this was only a few少數 years年份 after
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這件事發生在
00:47
the supposed應該 flying飛行 saucer茶托 crash緊急
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新墨西哥州的羅斯威爾
00:49
at Roswell羅斯威爾, New Mexico墨西哥.
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飛碟墜毀事件的幾年之後.
00:51
And even though雖然 that turned轉身 out to be nothing,
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雖然結果是沒事
00:53
nothing at all --
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完全沒事
00:55
(Laughter笑聲) --
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(笑聲)
00:58
merely僅僅 a downed擊落 weather天氣 balloon氣球
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僅僅是天上掉下來的一個氣象氣球,
01:00
piloted試點 by small hairless無毛 men男人
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被一個張著嘴的無毛人
01:03
with slits狹縫 for mouths嘴巴 ...
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駕駛的氣球.
01:06
Still, America美國 had gone走了 saucer-mad飛碟瘋狂,
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然而, 美國人已經對飛碟發狂了
01:08
even famous著名 scientists科學家們
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即使是正在吃飯的
01:10
who were eating lunch午餐.
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著名科學家.
01:12
Fermi's費米 reasoning推理, if I may可能 paraphrase意譯 badly,
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Fermi的推論, 恕我詮釋的不好,
01:14
is that the universe宇宙 is so vast廣大
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這宇宙是如此的寬廣
01:16
that it stands站立 to reason原因,
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順理成章
01:18
there should be other intelligent智能 life out there.
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會有其它睿智的生命存在於宇宙中.
01:21
And the universe宇宙 is so old
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而且宇宙是如此的古老
01:23
that unless除非 we were the very first civilization文明 ever to evolve發展,
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除非我們是第一個進化的文明,
01:26
we should have some evidence證據 of their existence存在 by now.
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我們現在應該有一些外星人存在的證據.
01:29
And yet然而, to the best最好 of our knowledge知識, we are alone單獨.
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然而, 據我們所知, 我們是孤獨的.
01:32
"Where is everybody每個人?" asked Fermi費米,
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"大家都去了哪裡?" Fermi問,
01:35
and his colleagues同事 had no answer回答.
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他和他的同事都沒法回答.
01:38
Fermi費米 then went on with the same相同 blunt logic邏輯
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Fermi之後就繼續用這種愚笨的邏輯
01:40
to disprove駁斥 fairies仙女,
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去反駁童話,還有
01:42
Sasquatch大腳野人, God,
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大腳野人, 上帝,
01:44
the possibility可能性 of love --
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真愛的可能性--
01:47
and thereafter其後, as you know,
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再後來, 你也知道,
01:49
Enrico恩里科 Fermi費米 ate alone單獨.
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Enrico Fermi自此獨自用餐.
01:51
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
01:54
Now,
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現在,
01:55
I am not a scientist科學家.
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我不是一名科學家.
01:58
I have never built內置 an atomic原子 pile.
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我從來沒創造過原子反應堆
02:01
Although雖然, I might威力 argue爭論 that, technically技術上,
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雖然, 我很可能會爭論,技術上講.
02:03
every一切 pile is atomic原子.
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任何一個堆都是由原子構成的.
02:05
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
02:08
However然而, with respect尊重, I might威力 point out two possibilities可能性
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無論如何, 帶著景仰, 我要指出Enrico Fermi也許
02:11
that Enrico恩里科 Fermi費米 perhaps也許 did not consider考慮.
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沒有考慮到的兩種可能.
02:14
One is that the aliens外星人 might威力 be
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一種是外星人也許
02:16
very far away.
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非常非常遠.
02:18
Perhaps也許, I dare say,
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大概吧, 我敢說,
02:20
even on other planets行星.
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甚至在其它的行星上.
02:23
The other possibility可能性 --
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另一種可能性 --
02:25
(Laughter笑聲) --
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(笑聲)
02:27
is, perhaps也許, Enrico恩里科 Fermi費米 himself他自己
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就是, 有可能 Enrico Fermi本人
02:29
was an alien外僑.
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就是一個外星人.
02:31
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
02:34
Think about it.
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想像一下.
02:36
Isn't it a little convenient方便
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在世界大戰期間,
02:38
that in the midst中間 of the World世界 War戰爭, out of nowhere無處,
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一個不知道哪裡來的意大利科學家
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suddenly突然 an Italian意大利 scientist科學家 showed顯示 up
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突然帶著一種可以改變世界的
02:43
with an amazing驚人 new technology技術
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令人吃驚的新技術
02:45
that would transform轉變 everything in the world世界
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出現在世界面前,
02:47
and darken變暗 the history歷史 of the human人的 species種類 forever永遠 after?
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並且自此改變了人類歷史. 這是不是太輕鬆了?
02:51
And isn't it a little strange奇怪
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並且是不是有點奇怪
02:53
that he required需要 no payment付款 for this?
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他並不要求任何報酬?
02:56
That he asked for only one thing --
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他只要求一件事:
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a gift禮品 of two healthy健康 sperm精子 whales鯨魚?
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要兩個健康的抹香鯨作為禮物?
03:01
That's -- that's not true真正.
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當然, 那並不是真的.
03:03
But it is strange奇怪.
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不過太怪異了.
03:05
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
03:09
And if Enrico恩里科 Fermi費米 were indeed確實 a space空間 alien外僑,
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並且如果Enrico Fermi 當時真是一個外星人,
03:12
wouldn't不會 he be the first to have tried試著 to convince說服
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他為什麼不先去
03:14
his fellow同伴 scientists科學家們
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嘗試說服他身邊的科學家
03:16
that the space空間 aliens外星人 are not already已經 here?
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外星人還沒有來過?
03:20
For it is given特定 in certain某些 UFO-ologyUFO-易學
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對於發表的飛碟學說
03:22
or UFOlogy飛碟學 circles,
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或者不明飛行物學說,
03:25
that the aliens外星人 are already已經 here and have been for millennia千年;
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他們認為外星人曾經來訪並且千年之前就曾來過.
03:28
that they have walked among其中 us in disguise偽裝,
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他們帶著偽裝跟我們一起生活,
03:30
observing觀察 us, guiding主導 our evolution演化
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觀察我們, 引導我們進化
03:32
from ape to man --
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從猿到人 --
03:34
if you believe in that sort分類 of thing --
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如果你相信這種東西的話.
03:37
and, occasionally偶爾, kidnapping綁架 us in their flying飛行 saucers飛碟
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並且, 他們偶然把我們綁架到他們的飛碟
03:40
and taking服用 us away to have sex性別 with us in pyramids金字塔.
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並把我們帶到金字塔里發生性關係.
03:43
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
03:45
It's a difficult theory理論 to discount折扣,
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這是一個沒有人相信的深奧的理論,
03:47
I think you'll你會 agree同意.
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我想你也這麼認為的.
03:49
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
03:51
For even in my own擁有 life,
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即使在我的生活中
03:53
there are memories回憶 I have
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也有些回憶是我很難
03:55
that are difficult to explain說明 --
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能夠解釋的通的 --
03:57
happenings發生的事情 that are so odd and unaccountably莫名其妙 weird奇怪的,
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有些事情就那麼非常神奇的,莫明奇妙的發生了.
03:59
that it is difficult to imagine想像
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所以很難想像
04:01
they were not the result結果
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我們的一生中,
04:03
of prolonged經久 and frequent頻繁 contact聯繫 with aliens外星人 throughout始終 my life.
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他們始終堅持並且頻繁的聯繫外星人
04:06
For how else其他 will you explain說明
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對於其它你要說的
04:08
the amazing驚人 and absolutely絕對 true真正
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那些我親身經歷的
04:10
close encounters遭遇 that I had
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令人吃驚並且絕對真實的遭遇
04:12
and will describe描述 to you now?
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我現在就告訴你.
04:15
Encounter遭遇 one: Ocean海洋 City, New Jersey新澤西, 1980.
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遭遇一: 1980年 新澤西的歐欣城.
04:17
This was the summer夏季 when the special特別 edition of
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那是個夏天, 正好趕上《第三類接觸》的
04:20
"Close Encounters邂逅 of the Third第三 Kind" was released發布.
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特別版發布.
04:22
And I went on vacation假期 with my parents父母 to the Jersey新澤西 shore支撐.
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我和父母一起去新澤西的濱海度假.
04:25
Within 12 hours小時, I was horribly可怕 sunburned曬傷,
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我在12個小時內被嚴重的曬傷,
04:28
just like Richard理查德 Dreyfuss德萊弗斯 in the movie電影.
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嚴重的就像電影裡的Richard Dreyfuss.
04:30
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
04:31
And so I spent花費 the rest休息 of the vacation假期
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所以我剩餘的假期,
04:34
largely大部分 sitting坐在 outside our little rental出租 house at night,
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基本上只能在晚上坐在我們租來的小房子外面,
04:37
the sidewalk人行道 still warm from the sun太陽,
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享受人行道殘存的太陽餘溫,
04:39
watching觀看 the skies天空 for UFOs不明飛行物.
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尋找著天空的不明飛行物.
04:42
What did I see? Stars明星, satellites衛星,
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我都是看到了什麼? 星星, 人造衛星,
04:44
blinking閃爍 airplanes飛機 -- typical典型 sky天空 junk破爛.
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閃礫的飛機 -- 典型的天空垃圾.
04:47
Occasionally偶爾, kids孩子 would come and
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小朋友們偶爾會過來,
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join加入 me and watch,
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加入我一起觀察,
04:50
but their necks脖子 soon不久 got sore, and they would go off to the boardwalk木棧道
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他們的脖子很快就酸了, 所以他們離開人行道
04:53
to play video視頻 games遊戲 and mingle交融 with humans人類.
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去玩遊戲機或找別人玩.
04:56
I was pretty漂亮 good at the video視頻 games遊戲. I was not very good at the other part部分,
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我曾很擅長游戲機. 但我不擅長別的,
04:59
so I stayed alone單獨 with the cosmos宇宙.
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所以我還是一個人跟宇宙呆著吧.
05:02
And that's when it happened發生.
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就是在這時發生的,
05:04
An elderly老年 couple一對 came來了 walking步行 down the street.
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一對老夫婦在街上溜達.
05:07
I would say they were in their late晚了 seventies七十年代,
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我覺得他們有七十多了,
05:09
and I would say that they were on a date日期,
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還覺得他們在約會,
05:11
because he was wearing穿著 a very neat整齊 little suit適合
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因為他穿著很整潔的套裝
05:14
with a yellow黃色 tie領帶 -- a brown棕色 suit適合.
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棕色套裝裡還打著黃領帶.
05:16
And she was wearing穿著 a cardigan羊毛衣, because it was now fully充分 night
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因為並不是深夜, 女士穿了一件羊毛上衣,
05:19
and a chill寒意 was coming未來 in off the ocean海洋.
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涼風從海面上吹過來.
05:21
I remember記得, for some reason原因,
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我記得, 出於某種原因,
05:23
that they were exactly究竟 the same相同 height高度.
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他們身高相同.
05:26
And then they stopped停止, and the man turned轉身 to me
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然後他們停住了, 這個男人轉向身
05:28
and said,
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問我,
05:30
"What are you looking for,
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"你在看什麼呢?"
05:32
flying飛行 saucers飛碟?"
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"飛碟?"
05:34
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
05:37
You have to admit承認, that's a pretty漂亮 boss老闆 piece of detective偵探 work
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你不得不承認, 這個老男人在約會時
05:40
for an old man on a date日期.
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非常像一名偵探.
05:42
But what was stranger陌生人 still --
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但還有很奇怪的是 --
05:44
and even I realized實現 it at the time,
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我意識到了在那個時間,
05:46
as a nine-year-old九十歲 child兒童 --
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作為一個九歲的小孩 --
05:48
was that they stopped停止 at all.
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他們停下來
05:50
That this old man would interrupt打斷 his moonlight月光 stroll漫步
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這個老男人在跟他女朋友在月光下停下來
05:52
with his sweetheart愛人 with the precise精確 reason原因
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用一個準確的問題
05:54
of making製造 fun開玩笑 of a child兒童.
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去跟一個小孩看玩笑.
05:57
"Oh," he said,
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"哦." 他說,
05:59
"little green綠色 men男人."
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"小綠人"
06:01
And then his girlfriend女朋友 joined加盟 in, too.
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這時, 他女朋友也加入進來.
06:04
"There's no such這樣 thing as space空間 men男人," she said.
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"外星人根本不存在," 她說.
06:06
"There's no such這樣 thing."
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"沒那種東西."
06:09
And then they both laughed笑了. "Ha, ha, ha."
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然後他們同時哈哈一笑.
06:12
I looked看著 around.
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我環顧四周.
06:14
The street was entirely完全 empty.
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街道已經全空了.
06:16
I had stopped停止 hearing聽力 the sound聲音 of the ocean海洋.
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我聽不到大海的聲音.
06:18
It was as though雖然 time had stopped停止.
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彷彿時間停止了.
06:21
I did not know why they were teasing戲弄 me.
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我不知道他們為什麼逗我.
06:23
I looked看著 into their strangely奇怪 angry憤怒 faces面孔,
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我觀察他們陌生的臉孔,
06:26
and I remember記得 wondering想知道,
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並且我感覺很奇怪
06:28
are they wearing穿著 rubber橡膠 masks面具?
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他們是不是帶的橡膠面具?
06:30
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
06:32
And what would be behind背後 those rubber橡膠 masks面具, if they were?
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躲在面具後面的是什麼?
06:35
Giant巨人, almond-shaped杏仁狀, unblinking眼睛一眨不眨 eyes眼睛?
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他們是不是有一雙巨大的, 一眨不眨的杏仁一樣的雙眼?
06:39
Slits狹縫 for mouths嘴巴?
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裂縫一樣的嘴巴?
06:41
The old man crooked his finger手指 as though雖然 he were firing射擊 a gun,
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這個做了一個開槍的手勢,
06:43
and then he made製作 laser激光 sounds聲音.
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並且他發出激光槍的聲音,
06:45
"Kew基尤, kew基尤, kew基尤 --
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咻,咻,咻--
06:47
watch out."
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"小心!"
06:49
And they turned轉身 at once一旦 and walked away.
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然後他們轉身接著散步.
06:51
The old man reached到達 out
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那個老男人伸出
06:53
his knobbly疙瘩 claw
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他年邁粗糙的手
06:55
for the woman's女人的 hand,
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拉住女人的手,
06:57
and found發現 it, and left me alone單獨.
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然後留下我一個人.
06:59
Now, you could describe描述 this as a simple簡單 misunderstanding誤解 --
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現在, 你可以把這個當成一次簡單的誤會--
07:02
a strange奇怪 encounter遭遇 among其中 humans人類.
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一個人類之間的奇怪的邂逅.
07:04
Maybe it was swamp沼澤 gas加油站, but --
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也許它只是浮雲, 但是 --
07:06
(Laughter笑聲) --
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(笑聲)
07:08
I know what I saw.
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我知道我看到了什麼.
07:11
Close encounter遭遇 two: Brookline布魯克林, Massachusetts馬薩諸塞, 1984.
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遭遇二: 1984年馬薩諸塞的布魯克林
07:15
I went to see the movie電影 "Dune沙丘,"
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我去那裡看電影"沙丘"
07:17
and a girl女孩 talked to me. Now, on its face面對 --
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一個女孩跟我搭訕, 從表面上看 --
07:20
(Laughter笑聲) --
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(笑聲)
07:23
this is impossible不可能 on its face面對, I realize實現 --
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我意識到,這從表面上看是不可能的 --
07:25
but it is absolutely絕對 true真正.
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但它確實是真的.
07:27
It was opening開盤 night, naturally自然.
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當時是首場演出. 自然地.
07:29
I went with my friend朋友 Tim蒂姆 McGonigalMcGonigal, who satSAT on my left.
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我跟我的朋友Tim McGonigal一起去看的, 他坐我左邊.
07:32
On my right was the girl女孩 in question.
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我右邊是問我問題的女孩
07:34
She had long, curly捲曲 black黑色 hair頭髮, a blue藍色 jean牛仔 jacket夾克.
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她有長長的,捲曲的頭髮, 藍色的工服.
07:37
I remember記得, she had some sort分類 of injury to her ankle,
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我記得,她的腳有點受傷,
07:40
an Ace高手 bandage繃帶, and she had crutches拐杖.
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有綁帶和拐杖.
07:42
She was very tall, I would say.
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我認為她很高,
07:44
I was starting開始 high school學校 at the time. I would say she was a junior初級,
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我那時是高年級學員. 我覺得她應該是低年級的,
07:47
but I had never seen看到 her before. She didn't go to my school學校.
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但我從來沒有見到過他. 她也不去我們學校.
07:49
I didn't know her name名稱, and I never will.
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我不知道她的名字, 而且永遠不會知道
07:52
She was sitting坐在 with someone有人 who I presume假設 was her mother母親,
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她跟一個像她媽媽一樣的人一起坐著,
07:54
and they were talking about the novel小說, "Dune沙丘."
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她們正在討論小說<沙丘魔堡>
07:57
They were both big fans球迷, mother母親 and daughter女兒 --
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她們兩個都很喜歡, 媽媽和女兒 --
07:59
very unusual異常.
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這很少見
08:01
They were talking about how their favorite喜愛 characters人物
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她們正在討論最喜歡的角色
08:03
were the giant巨人 sandwormssandworms.
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是那個巨大的沙蟲.
08:06
And then it got stranger陌生人.
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這時, 事情變的更怪了.
08:08
That's when she turned轉身 to me and said,
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那時, 她轉向我並問道,
08:10
"Are you looking forward前鋒 to seeing眼看 the movie電影?"
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"你想看這部電影嗎?"
08:13
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
08:15
First of all, I was embarrassed尷尬
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剛開始, 我很尷尬
08:16
because I had not read the novel小說 "Dune沙丘" at that time.
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因為我從來沒讀過小說<沙丘魔堡>.
08:19
I was merely僅僅 a connoisseur行家 of movies電影
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我的影片鑒賞範圍只在於那些
08:21
featuring特色 desert沙漠 planets行星, as I still am.
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充滿沙漠的行星片 現在也是.
08:23
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
08:25
But it was also the tone of how she asked the question:
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但她還是問了很多的問題:
08:27
apropos恰好的 of nothing, like she didn't even care關心 about the answer回答,
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沒什麼實質的東西, 就像她根本不介意答案一樣,
08:30
as though雖然 she just wanted to talk to me.
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彷彿她只是想跟我聊天一樣.
08:34
I did not know what to say. I said, "Yes."
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我不知道要說什麼. 我只說"是的."
08:37
I did not even turn my head.
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我甚至都不轉過頭來.
08:40
The movie電影 began開始.
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電影開始了.
08:42
I need not remind提醒 you that this was David大衛 Lynch's林奇 version of "Dune沙丘,"
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我不需要提醒你那部電影是大偉林區版的,
08:45
in which哪一個 all of the characters人物
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在所有的角色裡,
08:48
were sexy性感的 and deformed變形 at the same相同 time.
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畸形和性感同時存在.
08:50
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
08:52
There was a character字符 called the Third-Stage第三級 Guild公會 Navigator航海家,
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有一個主角覺劇場版航海家,
08:55
which哪一個 was a kind of giant巨人, floating漂浮的 fetus-creature胎兒生物
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這是一個巨大的池塘,她孕育著生命
08:58
that lived生活 in a giant巨人 tank坦克 with this orange橙子 mist薄霧
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這個巨大的池塘散發著香橙的
09:01
of psychedelic迷幻 spice香料
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迷幻味道
09:03
swirling紛飛 around him,
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環繞著他,
09:05
allowing允許 him to bend彎曲 space空間 and time.
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讓他有能力扭曲時間與空間.
09:07
He could never leave離開 the tank坦克
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並永遠不能離開這個池塘
09:09
or interact相互作用 with the outside world世界.
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或者說與外界有任何联系.
09:11
He had become成為, in his isolation隔離,
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他認為,在他的獨立的世界,
09:13
so deformed變形 and so sexy性感的,
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醜陋與性感是並存的,
09:15
that he had to talk through通過 a kind of old-timey帶點兒懷舊 radio無線電
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他通過一種老式的電台
09:18
to the outside world世界, and could never touch觸摸 them.
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向外界傳播,但是永遠觸及不到他們.
09:21
I mean, I liked喜歡 him a lot better than the sandwormssandworms.
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我是說,我喜歡他們勝過沙蟲.
09:24
The sandwormssandworms were fine, but your favorite喜愛 character字符?
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沙蟲固然好,但要成為我最喜歡的角色?
09:27
Please.
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算了吧
09:29
When the movie電影 ended結束,
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當影片結束,
09:31
everyone大家 seemed似乎 very happy快樂
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每個人洋溢著笑容
09:33
to get up and get out of the theatre劇院 as soon不久 as possible可能.
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都匆忙的走出了影院.
09:36
Except for the girl女孩.
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除了一個女孩.
09:38
As I walked out, her pace步伐 slowed放緩.
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當我走過她身邊,她放緩步伐.
09:40
Perhaps也許 it was the crutches拐杖,
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也許她拄著拐杖,
09:42
but it seemed似乎 --
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假裝是這樣--
09:44
(Laughter笑聲) --
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(笑聲)
09:46
it seemed似乎 as though雖然 she might威力 want to talk to me again.
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看來她還想和我搭訕.
09:50
When I say it out loud, it sounds聲音 so ridiculous荒謬,
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當我說出來,聽起來卻很滑稽,
09:53
but I can only come to the conclusion結論
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我只能得出這樣的結論
09:55
that it was what, in the alien外僑 abductee被綁架者 community社區,
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這是一個外星球社區
09:58
they call a "screen屏幕 memory記憶":
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他們稱之為"遮蔽性記憶"
10:01
a ridiculous荒謬 false recollection回憶 designed設計 by their brain
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大腦給他們一個可笑錯誤的記憶
10:04
to cover up some trauma外傷 -- say, of being存在 kidnapped綁架
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去掩蓋一些創傷--被外星人綁架後
10:06
and flown飛行 off to a sex性別 pyramid金字塔.
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飛往金字塔發生性關係.
10:08
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
10:10
And so I sure am glad高興
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我當然很高興
10:12
I did not slow down to talk to her.
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所以我並沒有慢下腳步跟她說話.
10:14
I sure am glad高興 I never saw her again.
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我很高興從那時起我再沒見過她.
10:18
Close encounter遭遇 three: Philadelphia費城, Pennsylvania賓夕法尼亞,
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遭遇三:賓夕法尼亞州的費城,
10:21
1989.
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1989年
10:23
In the mid-to-late中期到晚期 '80s,
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八十世紀末,
10:25
the novelist小說家 Whitley惠特利 StrieberStrieber wrote a book called "Communion交往,"
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小說家Whitley Strieber寫了本自傳<交流>,
10:28
in which哪一個 he described描述 his own擁有 lifelong終身 experiences經驗
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自傳中他描述了
10:30
being存在 abducted綁架 by aliens外星人.
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被外星人綁架的經歷.
10:33
And he also described描述 the phenomenon現象 known已知 in this community社區
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還有一些奇怪的現象
10:35
as "lost丟失 time,"
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稱之為"間接性失憶"
10:37
where Whitley惠特利 StrieberStrieber would suddenly突然 become成為 aware知道的
258
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Whitley Strieber突然意識到
10:39
that he could not remember記得 the previous以前 ten minutes分鐘,
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他不記得十分鐘以前發生的事,
10:42
or the previous以前 ten hours小時, or the previous以前 ten days.
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甚至十小時,十天.
10:45
And would come to the conclusion結論 that that was when the aliens外星人
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得出的結論是,當外星人
10:47
were taking服用 him and giving him rectal直腸的 probes探頭.
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抓住他後給他做直腸探頭.
10:50
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
10:52
This book became成為, naturally自然, an enormous巨大 best-seller暢銷書.
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這本書成為史上最牛的暢銷書籍.
10:55
This image圖片 by Ted攤曬 Joseph約瑟夫 was from that book,
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圖片是由Ted Joseph提供,
10:57
and was his, sort分類 of, police警察 sketch草圖
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圖片從某種意義上
11:00
of what the creatures生物 looked看著 like
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像警方示意圖
11:02
that Whitley惠特利 StrieberStrieber had described描述 to him.
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Whitley Strieber說到.
11:04
And it was so successful成功 that they made製作 it into a movie電影.
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這是一個非常棒的電影題材.
11:07
And in 1989, the way I remember記得 it,
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記得在1989年,
11:09
I was in Philadelphia費城
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我去費城--
11:11
visiting訪問 my girlfriend女朋友, and we decided決定,
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拜訪我女朋友,我們臨時決定,
11:13
apropos恰好的 of nothing, to go see this movie電影.
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去看電影.
11:16
And the way I remember記得 it, the movie電影 featured精選 these details細節.
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我記得,電影展現了許多細節.
11:19
One: Whitley惠特利 StrieberStrieber
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一:Whitley Strieber
11:21
was played發揮 by Christopher克里斯托弗 Walken沃肯.
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由Christopher Walken扮演.
11:23
Two: the alien外僑 was played發揮 by a rubber橡膠 puppet木偶.
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二:外星人的扮演者是橡膠面具.
11:26
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
11:28
Three: there was a surprisingly出奇 long
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三:有一個出乎意料的
11:31
sequence序列 of the film電影 in which哪一個 the rubber橡膠 puppet木偶
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長序列橡膠面具電影
11:33
gives Christopher克里斯托弗 Walken沃肯 a rectal直腸的 probe探測.
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給Christopher Walken做直腸探頭.
11:37
Four: this was being存在 shown顯示
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四:影片正在上映
11:39
in a regular定期 movie電影 theater劇院 in Center中央 City, Philadelphia費城.
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在費城的各大影院.
11:42
Five: all of which哪一個 is to say,
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五:所有人都說,
11:44
they made製作 a movie電影 out of the book, "Communion交往,"
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電影是由"交流"改編.
11:46
and it starred主演 Christopher克里斯托弗 Walken沃肯.
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主角是 Christopher Walken.
11:49
Does something seem似乎 strange奇怪 about this to you?
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是哪裡出了問題?
11:52
Something odd? Something off? Something wrong錯誤 with this picture圖片?
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靈異事件?虛構事物?照片的毛病?
11:55
Think about it. Yes. The answer回答 is:
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想一想,是的。答案是:
11:57
I had a girlfriend女朋友. What?
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我曾經有個女朋友.瘋了麼?
12:00
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
12:03
How did this happen發生? When did this happen發生?
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這是如何發生的?什麼時候發生的?
12:06
I remember記得 walking步行 out of the theater劇院
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我記得我走出影院
12:08
and becoming變得 suddenly突然 aware知道的 of this fact事實,
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並突然意識到這是真的,
12:10
as we walked hand in hand,
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正如我們手牽手漫步,
12:12
and pondering琢磨 these very same相同 questions問題.
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卻思考著同樣的問題.
12:14
And to this day, I have no answer回答 for you.
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至今,我都無法回答.
12:18
Close encounter遭遇 four: the Algarve阿爾加維,
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遭遇四: 阿爾加瓦
12:20
Portugal葡萄牙, 1991.
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葡萄牙,1991.
12:22
Some years年份 later後來, I and this woman女人 --
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許多年過後,我和這個女人--
12:24
we'll call her "Catherine凱瑟琳 Fletcher弗萊徹" --
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我們將稱她為“Catherine Fletcher”-
12:27
(Laughter笑聲) --
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(笑聲)
12:30
went traveling旅行 through通過 the south of Portugal葡萄牙 together一起.
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我們穿越葡萄牙南部去旅行.
12:33
We stayed in old, crumbling搖搖欲墜, walled薄壁 cities城市,
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我們住在古老的搖搖欲墜的圍城裡.
12:37
in tiny little hotels酒店,
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在小旅館裡,
12:38
and we would climb up to the roof屋頂 and drink VinhoVinho的 Verde佛得角
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我們爬到屋頂喝著葡萄牙清酒
12:41
and watch the sun太陽 set and play checkers跳棋.
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看日落玩跳棋.
12:43
What? Did we do this? Really? Does anyone任何人 do this?
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什麼?我們做了這些麼?真的麼?有人會做這樣的事情麼?
12:47
We went to some topless赤裸上身 beaches海灘.
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我們去裸體海灘
12:49
Excuse藉口 me? No, not in my life.
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醒醒?我不是在做夢吧.
12:52
For what it's worth價值, we went to Sagres薩格雷斯,
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不論真偽.我們去了葡萄牙的一個小鎮,
12:54
which哪一個 was considered考慮, at the time, to be the end結束 of the world世界.
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曾經一度﹐人們認為它就是世界的終點
12:57
And there I was chased by a pack of feral野性 dogs小狗 on the dock碼頭,
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在那裡我被野狗追咬,
13:00
and the lead dog bit me on the ass屁股,
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最後領頭的狗咬了我的屁股,
13:03
requiring要求 me to go to a strange奇怪 Portuguese葡萄牙語 clinic診所
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他們帶我去一個陌生的葡萄牙診所
13:05
and receive接收 an ass屁股 shot射擊.
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接受屁股的治療.
13:07
Make of that what you will.
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你可以合理的遐想一下.
13:09
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
13:10
Our last day in Portugal葡萄牙,
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在葡萄牙的最後一天,
13:12
we were in the district capital首都 of Faro法魯,
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我們在葡萄牙的首府,
13:15
and Catherine凱瑟琳 decided決定 that she wanted to go to the beach海灘
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Catherine想去海灘轉一圈
13:17
one last time.
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最後一圈.
13:19
Now, Faro法魯 is a bustling繁華 little city,
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Faro是個熱鬧的小城市,
13:21
and to get to the beach海灘, she explained解釋, you would have to take
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她說去海邊要乘公交車
13:23
a bus總線 and then a boat.
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再換乘個小船.
13:25
And did I want to come with?
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你願意跟我一起去麼?
13:27
But I was exhausted and dog-bitten狗咬傷, and so I said, "No."
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我摸著被咬壞的屁股已經筋疲力盡了,我說"我不去了."
13:30
I remember記得 what she looked看著 like before she left.
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至今我還記得她黯然離開時失望的眼神.
13:34
The freckles雀斑 had grown長大的
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這個雀斑女已經長大
13:36
and multiplied乘以 on her face面對 and shoulders肩膀,
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雀斑在她的臉龐和肩頭上倍增,
13:39
clustering集群 into a kind of a tan黃褐色.
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匯聚成一種巧克力色.
13:41
A tan黃褐色, we were both tan黃褐色 --
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結果我們皮膚都曬成了巧克力色.
13:43
is this true真正?
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這是真的嗎?
13:46
Her eyes眼睛 were extra額外 bright and extra額外 blue藍色, as a result結果.
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她的眼睛是藍色的格外的亮,最後.
13:49
She was smiling微笑.
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她笑了.
13:51
She was a single woman女人 about to go alone單獨 into a country國家,
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一個單身女人獨自到一個陌生的國家,
13:53
not even speaking請講 the language語言,
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甚至沒有相通的語言,
13:56
to travel旅行 alone單獨 by bus總線 and boat
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獨自乘著公車和小船去旅行
13:58
to go to a beach海灘 she did not know
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去一個連她自己都不知道在哪的海灘
14:00
or had never seen看到.
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或者她從未見過.
14:02
I loved喜愛 her, and then she went out
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我愛她,當她走到那個奇怪的
14:05
into that strange奇怪, alien外僑 land土地.
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外星人領域.
14:08
It took me some time to come to my senses感官.
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我重新整理了我的思緒.
14:11
I had my own擁有 "lost丟失 time" moment時刻,
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我有屬於我的"失憶時段",
14:12
where I woke醒來 up and suddenly突然 realized實現
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我突然醒了,意識到
14:15
it was very late晚了 in the day, almost幾乎 dinnertime晚餐時間,
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時間已經不早了,差不多到了晚飯時間,
14:17
and she had not come back.
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但她還沒回來
14:19
Nervous緊張, I went down to the street to look for her.
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我感到不安,於是上街去找她.
14:21
Now, I did not speak說話 Portuguese葡萄牙語.
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現在,我不會葡萄牙語.
14:24
I did not know where the beach海灘 was.
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我也不知道沙灘在哪?
14:26
I could not call her on a cell細胞 phone電話 because this was 1991,
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我同樣不能打電話給她因為那是1991年,
14:29
and the aliens外星人 had not given特定 us that technology技術 yet然而.
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那時外星人也沒給我們這項技術.
14:31
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
14:34
I realized實現 that the day would only have
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我意識到這一天只有
14:36
two possible可能 outcomes結果:
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只有兩種可能的結果:
14:38
either Catherine凱瑟琳 would come back to the hotel旅館,
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Catherine 自己回到小旅館
14:40
or she would never come back to the hotel旅館.
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或者她再也不回來了.
14:43
And so I satSAT down to wait.
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我只能坐下來等.
14:45
I did not watch the skies天空, but the very end結束 of the street
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我沒有注視著天空,而是盯著街道的盡頭
14:49
where the buses公共汽車 and cars汽車 and pedestrians行人
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那裡的公車汽車和行人
14:52
and little scooters滑板車 were moving移動 along沿.
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和小踏板車在前行著.
14:54
And I watched看著 those constellations星座 shift轉移,
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我看著那些星球的轉變,
14:56
hoping希望 that they would part部分 and I would see her face面對.
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多希望他們能讓我看到你的臉.
14:59
It was at that moment時刻,
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就在那一刻,
15:01
in that very small town of 30,000 or so,
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在一個容納30000人的小鎮上,
15:04
that I truly appreciated讚賞 the vastness廣大 of the universe宇宙
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我真正欣賞到宇宙的浩瀚
15:07
and the searching搜索 we might威力 do in it.
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搜尋我們想要的.
15:10
And that's when the Liberians利比里亞 came來了 along沿.
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那時利比里亞人走了過來.
15:12
Five young年輕 men男人 -- all laughing, happy快樂, traveling旅行 together一起,
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5個年輕人--他們都開心的笑著同行,
15:15
coming未來 back to this hotel旅館 where they were staying.
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回到他們的住所.
15:18
One of them was named命名 Joseph約瑟夫, and he asked me
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其中一個名叫Joseph,他問我我來做什麼,
15:20
what was I doing, and I explained解釋.
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我向他解釋.
15:22
And he said, "Don't worry擔心." He was sure that Catherine凱瑟琳 would be safe安全.
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他說,"不要擔心,"他確信Catherine是安全的.
15:25
But he did not seem似乎 so very sure,
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但他看起來不太確信,
15:27
for he satSAT down to wait with me.
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因為他跟我一起坐下來.
15:29
And for the next下一個 two hours小時, they all waited等待 with me:
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接下來的兩個小時,他們和我一起等待.
15:31
taking服用 turns, going up to their room房間, coming未來 back,
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他們輪流來我房間
15:34
telling告訴 me jokes笑話, distracting分心 me.
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講笑話安慰我,分散我的注意力.
15:35
Two hours小時, they gave me a message信息.
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兩小時後,他們給我捎口信.
15:38
We are not alone單獨.
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我們並不孤獨.
15:40
And then, in the middle中間 of a sentence句子, at the very birth分娩 of twilight,
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這時,字裡行間之中讓人感到暮光的開始.
15:43
I turned轉身 and looked看著 down the street.
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我轉過身來,看著街上.
15:45
The stars明星 aligned對齊, and she came來了 back.
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星星排成一排,她回來了.
15:48
She was smiling微笑. She did not understand理解 why I was so worried擔心.
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她笑著,她並不知道我為何而難過.
15:51
Neither也不 did the Liberians利比里亞,
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利比里亞人也不理解,
15:53
although雖然 there was a huge巨大 amount of relief浮雕 in their laughter笑聲
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他們的笑聲裡有著很多的寬慰.
15:55
as they clapped拍手 us on the back, and went back up to their room房間
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他們在心底為我們鼓掌,默默回到房間
15:58
and left us alone單獨 in the street, holding保持 hands.
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讓我們獨自在街上,手牽手.
16:01
An event事件 like this leaves樹葉 a scar瘢痕 on the memory記憶,
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這像記憶中的傷痛,
16:04
much like a piece of alien外僑 technology技術
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被一個叫做"葡萄牙的醫生"的人
16:06
that has been inserted插入 into your buttocks臀部
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把一塊外星人的高科技
16:08
by a "Portuguese葡萄牙語 doctor醫生."
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植入到你的臀部.
16:10
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
16:12
And even now, a decade and a half later後來,
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即使到現在,15年以後,
16:14
even now that we are married已婚,
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我們結婚了,
16:16
I look for her still, whenever每當 she is not in the room房間.
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我隨時找她時她仍不在房間.
16:19
And even though雖然, I think you'll你會 agree同意, it is probable可能
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我認為你也同意,
16:22
that during the time she was away,
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很可能是在她外出時,
16:24
she was kidnapped綁架 and replaced更換 by an alien外僑 clone克隆,
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被外星人綁架甚至複製,
16:27
I love her and wait for her still.
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但我會一直愛她,等著她.
16:29
Thank you for your kind attention注意.
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感謝您的關注.
16:31
(Applause掌聲)
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(掌聲)
Translated by Coco Shen
Reviewed by Zhu Jie

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
John Hodgman - Expert
John Hodgman is a writer, humorist, geek celebrity, former professional literary agent and expert on all world knowledge. He was the bumbling PC in Apple's long-running "I'm a Mac; I'm a PC" ad campaign.

Why you should listen

You may know him only as the PC in Apple's PC vs. Mac smackdown ads, or as the Daily Show with Jon Stewart's Resident Expert. But John Hodgman has many other claims to fame. He's the author of The Areas of My Expertise, which provides vital and completely fake details on the great lobster conspiracy, hoboes, nine US presidents who had hooks for hands, and how to win a fight; the followup More Information Than You Require; and his newest (and he claims last), That Is All.

He is a contributing writer for the New York Times Magazine; host of the Little Gray Book Lectures, a monthly series that has aired on This American Life; and an actual former professional literary agent.

More profile about the speaker
John Hodgman | Speaker | TED.com