ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Julia Sweeney - Actor, comedian, playwright
Julia Sweeney creates comedic works that tackle deep issues: cancer, family, faith.

Why you should listen

Julia Sweeney is a writer, director, actress, comedian and monologist. She is known for being a cast member on Saturday Night Live from 1990 to 1995, where she created and popularized the androgynous character, Pat. She is also well known for her comedic and dramatic monologues. God Said Ha! is a monologue about serious illness, her brother's lymphoma and her own cancer, and her family's crazy reactions to this crisis as they soldiered their way through struggle, confusion and death. This play was performed all over the U.S. and on Broadway at the Lyceum Theater. It was made into a film produced by Quentin Tarantino, and the comedy album from the show was nominated for a Grammy.

Sweeney's second monologue, In the Family Way, played in theatrical runs in New York and Los Angeles. It was ultimately fashioned into a book, a memoir titled If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother. Sweeney's third monologue, Letting Go of God, chronicled her journey from Catholicism to atheism. It was made into a film that played on Showtime.

More profile about the speaker
Julia Sweeney | Speaker | TED.com
TED2006

Julia Sweeney: Letting go of God

Julia Sweeney : 把神放下

Filmed:
4,604,979 views

Julia Sweeney表演她2006年的『把神放下』的楝篤笑表演。當兩個摩門教的傳教士敲她家門的那一天, 讓她重新開始去檢視自己的信仰。
- Actor, comedian, playwright
Julia Sweeney creates comedic works that tackle deep issues: cancer, family, faith. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:25
On September九月 10, the morning早上 of my seventh第七 birthday生日,
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在九月十日, 我七歲生日的那個早上
00:28
I came來了 downstairs樓下 to the kitchen廚房, where my mother母親 was washing洗滌 the dishes碗碟
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我從樓上走到廚房, 我媽媽在那裡洗著盤子
00:32
and my father父親 was reading the paper or something,
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我爸爸在讀著好像是報紙之類的東西,
00:35
and I sort分類 of presented呈現 myself to them in the doorway門口, and they said,
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我故意的在門前讓他們看到我, 接著他們說:
00:38
"Hey, happy快樂 birthday生日!" And I said, "I'm seven."
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『嘿, 生日快樂!』 我說: 『我七歲了!』
00:43
And my father父親 smiled笑笑 and said,
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我爸爸笑著說:
00:45
"Well, you know what that means手段, don't you?"
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『你知道這代表什麼嗎?』
00:47
And I said, "Yeah, that I'm going to have a party派對 and a cake蛋糕
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我說: 『對, 我會有個生日派對和生日蛋糕!
00:50
and get a lot of presents禮物?" And my dad said, "Well, yes.
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還有許多禮物!』我爸爸說: 『唔, 對!
00:54
But, more importantly重要的, being存在 seven means手段 that you've reached到達 the age年齡 of reason原因,
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但, 更重要的是, 七歲代表你已經到可以「明白事理」的年紀了,
00:59
and you're now capable of committing提交 any and all sins against反對 God and man."
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你現在已經可以有能力去犯所有對神、人的罪惡了。』
01:03
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
01:06
Now, I had heard聽說 this phrase短語, "age年齡 of reason原因," before.
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其實我之前就聽「明白事理的年紀」這句話
01:09
Sister妹妹 Mary瑪麗 Kevin凱文 had been bandyingbandying it about
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Mary Kevin修女已經在我二年級時
01:12
my second-grade二年級 class at school學校. But when she said it,
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說過這字眼,但當她說的時候
01:14
the phrase短語 seemed似乎 all caught抓住 up in the excitement激動 of preparations準備
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這字眼好像只讓我們興奮的準備
01:17
for our first communion交往 and our first confession自白書,
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我們將有的第一次的宗教交流和告解,
01:19
and everybody每個人 knew知道 that was really all about the white白色 dress連衣裙 and the white白色 veil面紗,
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我們還以為這些都只是跟白裙和白面紗有關的,
01:24
and anyway無論如何, I hadn't有沒有 really paid支付 all that much attention注意 to that phrase短語, "age年齡 of reason原因."
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我其實並不是太在意那句: 「明白事理的年紀」
01:28
So, I said, "Yeah, yeah, age年齡 of reason原因. What does that mean again?"
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於是, 我說:『 好, 對, 明白事理的年紀, 究竟意思是什麼?』
01:33
And my dad said, "Well, we believe in the Catholic天主教徒 Church教會
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我爸爸接著說: 『對, 我們都相信天主教
01:36
that God knows知道 that little kids孩子 don't know the difference區別 between之間 right and wrong錯誤,
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神知道小孩子並不太明白對和錯分別,
01:40
but when you're seven, you're old enough足夠 to know better.
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但當你到了七歲, 你應該可以理解對和錯的分別。
01:42
So, you've grown長大的 up, and reached到達 the age年齡 of reason原因, and now
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所以, 你長大了, 也到了明白事理的年紀, 現在
01:46
God will start開始 keeping保持 notes筆記 on you and begin開始 your permanent常駐 record記錄."
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神會開始紀錄你所作的事, 並且會永遠保存下來』
01:50
(Laughter笑聲)
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笑聲
01:51
And I said, "Oh. Wait a minute分鐘. You mean all that time,
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我說:『 等等, 你的意思是, 今天以前的所有時間,
01:58
up till直到 today今天, all that time I was so good, God didn't notice注意 it?"
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以前我做過好的事, 神都沒有留意得到?』
02:04
And my mom媽媽 said, "Well, I noticed注意到 it."
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接著我媽媽說: 『對, 但我有留意的』
02:07
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
02:09
And I thought, "How could I not have known已知 this before?
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我在想: 『為什麼我之前不知道這情況?
02:11
How could it not have sunk沉沒 in when they'd他們會 been telling告訴 me?
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為什麼當他們告訴我的時候, 我一直沒有掌握到?
02:13
All that being存在 good and no real真實 credit信用 for it.
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原來我所作的好事, 並沒有真正的奬賞。
02:16
And, worst最差 of all, how could I not have realized實現 this very important重要 information信息
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可是, 最糟的是, 為什麼我一直沒有發現這個重要的訊息
02:19
until直到 the very day that it was basically基本上 useless無用 to me?"
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直到這天, 知道這訊息已經對我毫無用處了。』
02:23
So I said, "Well, Mom媽媽 and Dad, what about Santa聖誕老人 Claus克勞斯?
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我說, 『好吧, 爸媽, 那聖誕老人又怎樣?
02:26
I mean, Santa聖誕老人 Claus克勞斯 knows知道 if you're naughty淘氣 or nice不錯, right?"
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我是說, 聖誕老人會知道你是乖不乖, 對嗎?』
02:30
And my dad said, "Yeah, but, honey蜜糖,
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我爸爸說: 『對, 但親愛的
02:32
I think that's technically技術上 just between之間 Thanksgiving感恩 and Christmas聖誕."
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我想這只是感恩節跟聖誕節的技術上分別。』
02:35
And my mother母親 said, "Oh, Bob短發, stop it. Let's just tell her.
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跟著我媽媽說: 『噢, 巴比, 停吧, 直接告訴她吧
02:38
I mean, she's seven. Julie朱麗葉, there is no Santa聖誕老人 Claus克勞斯."
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她已經七歲了, Julie, 聖誕老人不存在的。』
02:42
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
02:45
Now, this was actually其實 not that upsetting to me.
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直到這裡, 我都還可以接受
02:49
My parents父母 had this whole整個 elaborate闡述 story故事 about Santa聖誕老人 Claus克勞斯:
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我的父母曾用心的演繹了整個聖誕老人的故事:
02:51
how they had talked to Santa聖誕老人 Claus克勞斯 himself他自己 and agreed約定
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他們曾經跟聖誕老人討論, 以及得到他的同意
02:54
that instead代替 of Santa聖誕老人 delivering交付 our presents禮物 over the night of Christmas聖誕 Eve前夕,
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為什麼聖誕老人不直接在聖誕夜把禮物送來,
02:57
like he did for every一切 other family家庭
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就好像他為其他家庭所做的
02:59
who got to open打開 their surprises驚喜 first thing Christmas聖誕 morning早上,
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他們在聖誕早上起來的時候, 便已經收到了禮物的驚喜,
03:02
our family家庭 would give Santa聖誕老人 more time.
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可是我們的家卻給聖誕老人多一點時間。
03:05
Santa聖誕老人 would come to our house while we were at nine o'clock high mass
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如果我們的小朋友在聖誕早上九時彌撒的時候, 沒有頑皮,
03:08
on Christmas聖誕 morning早上, but only if all of us kids孩子 did not make a fuss小題大作.
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聖誕老人才會早上到我們的家放下禮物。
03:12
Which哪一個 made製作 me very suspicious可疑.
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這個令我很疑惑。
03:15
It was pretty漂亮 obvious明顯 that it was really our parents父母 giving us the presents禮物.
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這很明顯是我爸媽他們給我的禮物。
03:19
I mean, my dad had a very distinctive獨特 wrapping包皮 style樣式,
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我發現, 我爸爸有一種十分奇怪的包禮物方法,
03:22
and my mother's母親 handwriting手寫 was so close to Santa's聖誕老人的.
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而我媽媽的筆跡卻跟聖誕老人非常近似。
03:26
Plus, why would Santa聖誕老人 save保存 time by having to loop循環 back
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還有, 為什麼聖誕老人還有時候走到別人的家之後
03:28
to our house after he'd他會 gone走了 to everybody每個人 else's別人的?
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還會折返到我們家?
03:31
There's only one obvious明顯 conclusion結論 to reach達到 from this mountain of evidence證據:
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在這一大堆證據之下, 只有一個解釋
03:35
our family家庭 was too strange奇怪 and weird奇怪的
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就是我們的家太奇怪, 太怪異了
03:38
for even Santa聖誕老人 Claus克勞斯 to come visit訪問,
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所以聖誕老人才不來,
03:40
and my poor較差的 parents父母 were trying to protect保護 us from the embarrassment困窘,
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而我可憐的父母, 為了不想我們這怪異家庭
03:43
this humiliation屈辱 of rejection拒絕 by Santa聖誕老人, who was jolly歡樂 --
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因為被快樂的聖誕老人拒絕而太尷尬的。
03:47
but, let's face面對 it, he was also very judgmental評判.
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但, 讓我們坦承吧, 他實在是太判定了!
03:50
So, to find out that there was no Santa聖誕老人 Claus克勞斯 at all was actually其實 sort分類 of a relief浮雕.
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所以, 去發現這世界沒有聖誕老人, 也許也是一種解脫。
03:55
I left the kitchen廚房 not really in shock休克 about Santa聖誕老人,
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當我離開廚房的時候,我的確對聖誕老人感到驚奇,
03:58
but rather I was just dumbfounded傻眼
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但其實是有點兒驚呆
03:59
about how I could have missed錯過 this whole整個 age年齡 of reason原因 thing.
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為什麼我錯過了那段還沒有到了明白事理的年齡。
04:03
It was too late晚了 for me, but maybe I could help someone有人 else其他,
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對我來說, 這已經是太遲了。但我仍可以幫助其他人
04:06
someone有人 who could use the information信息.
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有人應該可以用這個資料的。
04:08
They had to fit適合 two criteria標準:
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但他們需要符合兩個條件:
04:10
they had to be old enough足夠 to be able能夠 to understand理解
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他們要長大得足夠去明白
04:12
the whole整個 concept概念 of the age年齡 of reason原因, and not yet然而 seven.
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整個明白事理的年齡的概念, 而又未到七歲。
04:16
The answer回答 was clear明確: my brother哥哥 Bill法案. He was six.
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答案好明顯: 我的弟弟Bill, 他現在六歲。
04:19
Well, I finally最後 found發現 Bill法案 about a block away from our house
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好了, 我在家附近的學校遊樂場找到Bill
04:22
at this public上市 school學校 playground操場. It was a Saturday星期六,
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這是星期六,
04:24
and he was all by himself他自己, just kicking a ball against反對 the side of a wall.
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他只是一個人, 對著牆邊在踢球。
04:28
I ran up to him and said, "Bill法案!
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我跑上去大叫: 『Bill!
04:30
I just realized實現 that the age年齡 of reason原因 starts啟動 when you turn seven,
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我剛剛發現, 當你七歲之後, 你便進了明白事理的年齡,
04:33
and then you're capable of committing提交 any and all sins
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你便會有能力對神或是對人犯罪。』
04:35
against反對 God and man." And Bill法案 said, "So?" And then I said,
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Bill 說:『 那又怎樣? 』我說:
04:39
"So, you're six. You have a whole整個 year to do anything you want to
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『你只有六歲, 你還有一年的時間做所有你想做的事
04:43
and God won't慣於 notice注意 it." And he said, "So?" And I said,
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而神是不會跟你算賬的。』他又說: 『那又怎樣?』
04:47
"So? So everything!" And I turned轉身 to run. I was so angry憤怒 with him.
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我說:『你這什麼態度! 』我轉身想走, 我實在對他很憤怒
04:53
But when I got to the top最佳 of the steps腳步, I turned轉身 around dramatically顯著
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但當我準備起步時候, 我又戲劇性地回頭
04:55
and said, "Oh, by the way, Bill法案, there is no Santa聖誕老人 Claus克勞斯."
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接著說: 『還有, Bill, 世界上根本沒聖誕老人。』
05:00
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
05:02
Now, I didn't know it at the time,
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好了, 我當時不知道
05:04
but I really wasn't turning車削 seven on September九月 10.
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但我並沒有真正在九月十日那天,踏進七歲的年紀。
05:07
For my 13th birthday生日, I planned計劃 a slumber睡眠 party派對 with all of my girlfriends女友,
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在我十三歲的生日, 我正準備跟我的女朋友開一個通宵派對,
05:11
but a couple一對 of weeks beforehand預先 my mother母親 took me aside在旁邊 and said,
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在派對前的數個星期, 我媽媽忽然把我叫到一旁然後說:
05:14
"I need to speak說話 to you privately私自.
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『我需要跟你私下說清楚。
05:18
September九月 10 is not your birthday生日. It's October十月 10." And I said, "What?"
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九月十日不是你是生日, 你應該是十月十月生日的。』 我大叫:『 什麼?
05:24
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
05:25
And she said, "Listen. The cut-off隔斷 date日期 to start開始 kindergarten幼兒園 was September九月 15."
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她說: 『聽著, 因為九月十五日出生是報讀幼稚園的分界線。』
05:33
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
05:34
"So, I told them that your birthday生日 was on September九月 10,
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所以, 我告訴他們你的生日是在九月十日』
05:37
and then I wasn't sure that you weren't just going to go blab廢話 it all over the place地點,
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我又怕你會到處跟別人亂說,
05:41
so I started開始 to tell you your birthday生日 was September九月 10.
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所以我便告訴你, 你的生日是九月十日。
05:45
But, Julie朱麗葉, you were so ready準備 to start開始 school學校, honey蜜糖. You were so ready準備."
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但, 茱莉, 你當時已經準備好可以上學了, 親愛的
05:49
I thought about it, and when I was four,
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我曾經想過, 當我四歲的時候
05:51
I was already已經 the oldest最老的 of four children孩子,
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我已經是四個孩子之中最大的
05:53
and my mother母親 even had another另一個 child兒童 to come,
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我媽媽還有一個在肚裡準備出世,
05:55
so what I think she understandably可以理解的 really meant意味著 was that she was so ready準備,
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所以她情有可原的認為她已經準備好讓我上學,
05:58
she was so ready準備. Then she said,
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她是如此的準備好。接下她說:
06:01
"Don't worry擔心, Julie朱麗葉, every一切 year on October十月 10 when it was your birthday生日
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『茱莉, 不用擔心, 我保証, 其實在每年的十月十日你生日的日子
06:04
but you didn't realize實現 it, I made製作 sure
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但你還忘記的時候, 我保証
06:06
that you ate a piece of cake蛋糕 that day."
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你那天都有吃一塊蛋糕的。』
06:09
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
06:12
Which哪一個 was comforting欣慰的, but troubling令人不安.
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還真欣慰喔, 但卻也讓人困擾。
06:14
My mother母親 had been celebrating慶祝 my birthday生日 with me, without me.
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我媽媽竟然跟我, 暗暗地慶祝我的生日。
06:19
What was so upsetting about this new piece of information信息
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我對這項新的資料實在感到很困惑
06:22
was not that I was going to have to change更改 the date日期 of my slumber睡眠 party派對
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這困惑不是因為要跟我的女朋友更改我們
06:24
with all of my girlfriends女友,
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通宵派對的日子,
06:26
what was most upsetting was that this meant意味著 that I was not a Virgo處女座.
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最困惑的, 是這代表我竟然不是處女座。
06:30
I had a huge巨大 Virgo處女座 poster海報 in my bedroom臥室,
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我的睡房掛了一張好大的處女座海報,
06:33
and I read my horoscope星座 every一切 single day, and it was so totally完全 me.
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我每天閱讀星座運勢, 明明就超準的!
06:38
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
06:40
And this meant意味著 that I was a Libra天秤座?
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但我原來是天秤座?
06:42
So, I took the bus總線 downtown市中心 to get the new Libra天秤座 poster海報.
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於是, 我搭公車到市中心買了張新的天秤座海報。
06:46
The Virgo處女座 poster海報 is a picture圖片 of a beautiful美麗 woman女人 with long hair頭髮,
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那張處女座的海報有一幅很漂亮的長髮女人的圖畫,
06:49
sort分類 of lounging閒逛 by some water,
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慵懶的躺在水邊,
06:51
but the Libra天秤座 poster海報 is just a huge巨大 scale規模.
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但那個天秤座海報卻只是一只大天秤。
06:54
This was around the time that I started開始 filling填充 out physically物理,
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這個時候, 我也是剛開始長胖的時候,
06:56
and I was filling填充 out a lot more than a lot of the other girls女孩,
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但我卻比起其他女孩長得較胖,
06:59
and, frankly坦率地說, the whole整個 idea理念 that my astrological占星術 sign標誌 was a scale規模
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坦白說的, 那個星座的標誌是一只大天秤
07:03
just seemed似乎 ominous不祥的 and depressing壓抑.
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實在有點不吉祥及令人感到難受。
07:06
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
07:09
But I got the new Libra天秤座 poster海報,
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但我也貼了這新的天秤座海報,
07:11
and I started開始 to read my new Libra天秤座 horoscope星座,
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於是, 我開始去閱讀我的天秤座星座運程,
07:14
and I was astonished驚訝 to find that it was also totally完全 me.
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我又吃驚的發現, 運勢所說的, 也是超準的!
07:20
It wasn't until直到 years年份 later後來, looking back
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直到數年前, 當我回想起
07:22
on this whole整個 age-of-reason年齡的,原因/change-of-birthday變化的生日 thing,
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這整個「明白事理的年紀」和「改變出生日期」的這些事,
07:25
that it dawned破曉 on me: I wasn't turning車削 seven
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我才領悟到, 原來那時我還沒有到七歲
07:27
when I thought I turned轉身 seven. I had a whole整個 other month
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當我以為我已經七歲的時候, 我還有一整個月
07:30
to do anything I wanted to before God started開始 keeping保持 tabs標籤 on me.
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在神沒有把我的行為記帳之前, 我還可以做任何我想做的事。
07:34
Oh, life can be so cruel殘忍.
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唉, 生命實在是太殘忍了!
07:38
One day, two Mormon摩門教 missionaries傳教士 came來了 to my door.
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有一天, 有兩個摩門教的傳教士來敲我的門。
07:42
Now, I just live生活 off a main主要 thoroughfare通道 in Los洛杉磯 Angeles洛杉磯,
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那時我剛好住在洛杉機的大道上,
07:44
and my block is -- well, it's a natural自然 beginning開始
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而我的住處, 剛好是整個區的開始
07:47
for people who are peddling兜售 things door to door.
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特別為那些逐家逐戶拍門兜售的人來說。
07:50
Sometimes有時 I get little old ladies女士們 from the Seventh第七 Day Adventist复臨 Church教會
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有時有些基督教復臨安息日教會的老女士會走過來
07:53
showing展示 me these cartoon動畫片 pictures圖片 of heaven天堂.
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給我展示那些關於天堂的卡通圖畫。
07:55
And sometimes有時 I get teenagers青少年 who promise諾言 me that they won't慣於 join加入 a gang結夥
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有時, 我又會遇到那些承諾不會加入黑社會
07:59
and just start開始 robbing劫財 people if I only buy購買
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和偷別人東西的年青人, 除非我願意
08:01
some magazine雜誌 subscriptions訂閱 from them.
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在他們那裡訂雜誌。
08:03
So, normally一般 I just ignore忽視 the doorbell門鈴, but on this day I answered回答.
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所以, 平常我是不會理會那些門鈴的, 但那天我應了門。
08:08
And there stood站在 two boys男孩, each about 19,
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我看到門外站著兩個男孩, 大概都是十九歲吧,
08:10
in white白色 starched漿洗 short-sleeved短袖 shirts襯衫, and they had little name名稱 tags標籤
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穿著白色的短袖恤衫, 身上都掛有小名牌
08:14
that identified確定 them as official官方 representatives代表
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証明他們是基督末世
08:16
of the Church教會 of Jesus耶穌 Christ基督 of Latter-day近代的 Saints聖徒,
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聖徒教會的合法代表,
08:20
and they said they had a message信息 for me from God.
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他們說, 他們會傳達一個神的訊息給我
08:23
I said, "A message信息 for me? From God?" And they said, "Yes."
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我說: 『有一個訊息給我? 由神而來? 』 他們說: 『是的』』
08:29
Now, I was raised上調 in the Pacific和平的 Northwest西北,
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我在太平洋西北地區長大
08:31
around a lot of Church教會 of Latter-day近代的 Saints聖徒 people and, you know,
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那裡有許多末世聖徒教會的人
08:34
I've worked工作 with them and even dated過時的 them,
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我跟他們一起工作, 甚至跟他們約會過,
08:36
but I never really knew知道 the doctrine教義 or what they said to people
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可是我卻從來不知道他們宗教的教義
08:38
when they were out on a mission任務, and I guess猜測 I was, sort分類 of, curious好奇,
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或是如何對外傳道, 我想, 因為出於一點好奇,
08:41
so I said, "Well, please, come in." And they looked看著 really happy快樂,
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於是我說: 『好, 請進來。』 他們看起來很高興,
08:44
because I don't think this happens發生 to them all that often經常.
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因為我想這應該不常發生在他們身上吧。
08:47
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
08:49
And I satSAT them down, and I got them glasses眼鏡 of water --
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我帶他們坐下來, 我還給他們水
09:03
OK, I got it. I got them glasses眼鏡 of water.
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好吧, 我明白, 我給了他們兩杯水
09:06
Don't touch觸摸 my hair頭髮, that's the thing.
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別碰頭髮, 就是這問題
09:08
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
09:11
You can't put a video視頻 of myself in front面前 of me
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你不能在我面前放著我的錄影
09:14
and expect期望 me not to fix固定 my hair頭髮.
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又不讓我整理頭髮吧。
09:16
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
09:17
OK. So I satSAT them down and I got them glasses眼鏡 of water,
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所以, 我帶他們坐下, 給他們兩杯水
09:23
and after niceties細微 they said, "Do you believe that God loves you with all his heart?"
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在這些禮待之後, 他們說: 『你是否全心的相信神是愛你的?』
09:28
And I thought, "Well, of course課程 I believe in God,
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我想, 『是, 當然, 我相信神
09:32
but, you know, I don't like that word, heart,
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但, 你知道嗎, 我並不十分喜歡那個字眼: 全心
09:34
because it anthropomorphizes擬人化 God,
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因為這會把神人性化了,
09:37
and I don't like the word, 'his“他,' either, because that sexualizes的性別差異 God."
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我也不喜歡那個字: 他, 因為這會性別化了神』』
09:41
But I didn't want to argue爭論 semantics語義 with these boys男孩,
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但我不想去跟他們在字眼的語義上爭辯,
09:44
so after a very long, uncomfortable不舒服 pause暫停, I said
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於是, 在一段很長, 很令人不安的停頓之後, 我說
09:47
"Yes, yes, I do. I feel very loved喜愛."
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『是的, 我是的, 感到非常的被愛』
09:52
And they looked看著 at each other and smiled笑笑,
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他們互相對視, 然後笑著,
09:53
like that was the right answer回答. And then they said,
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好像這正是正確的答案, 接著他們說,
09:56
"Do you believe that we're all brothers兄弟 and sisters姐妹 on this planet行星?"
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『你相信我們在這地球全都是兄弟姊妹嗎?』
09:59
And I said, "Yes, I do. Yes, I do." And I was so relieved安心
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我說: 『是, 我相信, 我相信,』 所以我便放心了
10:01
that it was a question I could answer回答 so quickly很快.
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因為這是一條我可以很快答出來的問題。
10:04
And they said, "Well, then we have a story故事 to tell you."
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他們說: 『好了, 我們有一個故事要告訴你。』
10:08
And they told me this story故事 all about this guy named命名 Lehi萊赫,
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於是, 他們告訴了我,關於一個名叫Lehi的男人的故事
10:11
who lived生活 in Jerusalem耶路撒冷 in 600 BC公元前.
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他在公元六百年前住在耶路撒冷。
10:14
Now, apparently顯然地 in Jerusalem耶路撒冷 in 600 BC公元前,
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大概是公元前六百年的耶路撒冷,
10:16
everyone大家 was completely全然 bad and evil邪惡. Every一切 single one of them:
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每個人都很壞和邪惡, 每一個人:
10:19
man, woman女人, child兒童, infant嬰兒, fetus胎兒.
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包括 男人, 女人, 兒童, 嬰兒, 胎兒
10:22
And God came來了 to Lehi萊赫 and said to him, "Put your family家庭 on a boat
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神走去跟Lehi說: 『將你的家人搬上船
10:25
and I will lead you out of here." And God did lead them.
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我會帶領你離開這裡。』神果然帶領他們
10:29
He led them to America美國.
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他帶了他們到美國』
10:32
I said, "America美國? From Jerusalem耶路撒冷 to America美國 by boat in 600 BC公元前?"
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我說:『 美國? 在公元前六百年坐船由耶路撒冷到美國?』
10:40
And they said, "Yes."
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他們說: 『是的。』
10:42
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
10:44
Then they told me how Lehi萊赫 and his descendants後人
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跟著, 他們告訴我, Lehi 和他的子孫
10:46
reproduced轉載 and reproduced轉載, and over the course課程 of 600 years年份
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繁殖再繁殖, 在這六百年裡
10:49
there were two great races比賽 of them, the NephitesNephites and the LamanitesLamanites,
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變成了兩大民族: Nephites和Lamanites
10:52
and the NephitesNephites were totally完全, totally完全 good -- each and every一切 one of them --
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Nephites 是完全的好,---他們每一個人都是好人--
10:55
and the LamanitesLamanites were totally完全 bad and evil邪惡 --
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而 Lamanites 是完全壞和邪惡-
10:57
every一切 single one of them just bad to the bone.
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每一個人都是壞至透骨。
10:59
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
11:00
Then, after Jesus耶穌 died死亡 on the cross交叉 for our sins,
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跟著, 當耶穌為我們的罪釘在十字架上而死後,
11:03
on his way up to heaven天堂 he stopped停止 by America美國 and visited參觀 the NephitesNephites.
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他升上天堂的過程中, 他停在美國, 探訪了Nephites
11:07
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
11:08
And he told them that if they all remained保持 totally完全, totally完全 good --
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他告訴他們: 如果他們的每一個人,
11:11
each and every一切 one of them --
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可以保持在完全完全的好--
11:13
they would win贏得 the war戰爭 against反對 the evil邪惡 LamanitesLamanites.
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他們便會在跟魔鬼Lamanites的戰爭中得到勝利
11:16
But apparently顯然地 somebody blew自爆 it,
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但明顯的, 有些人搞砸了,
11:19
because the LamanitesLamanites were able能夠 to kill all the NephitesNephites.
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因為Lamanites有能力殺死所有的Nephites。
11:21
All but one guy, this guy named命名 Mormon摩門教,
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當中只剩下一個人, 這個人名叫摩門,
11:23
who managed管理 to survive生存 by hiding in the woods樹木.
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他因為匿藏在叢林之中而僥倖生存。
11:26
And he made製作 sure this whole整個 story故事 was written書面 down
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他為了保証整個故事能被記錄下來
11:29
in reformed改革 Egyptian埃及人 hieroglyphics象形文字 chiseled輪廓分明 onto gold plates,
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他用古埃及的文字寫在金碟上,
11:33
which哪一個 he then buried隱藏 near Palmyra巴爾米拉, New York紐約.
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然後把那些金碟埋在紐約近Palmyra的地方。
11:37
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
11:42
Well, I was just on the edge邊緣 of my seat座位.
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好了, 我差不多快要從我的椅子跌下來了。
11:45
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
11:48
I said, "What happened發生 to the LamanitesLamanites?"
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接下來我問, 『Lamanites發生了什麼事?』
11:51
And they said, "Well, they became成為 our Native本地人 Americans美國人 here in the U.S."
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他們說: 『他們變成了我們美國的印第安人。』
11:54
And I said, "So, you believe the Native本地人 Americans美國人 are descended下降
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我說, 所說, 『你相信美洲原住民是
11:58
from a people who were totally完全 evil邪惡?" And they said, "Yes."
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那些完全邪惡的人的後代? 』他們說: 『是的。』
12:02
Then they told me how this guy named命名 Joseph約瑟夫 Smith工匠
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跟著他們告訴我一個名叫Joseph Smith的男人
12:05
found發現 those buried隱藏 gold plates right in his backyard後院,
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怎樣在他的後園裡發那些埋藏了金碟,
12:09
and he also found發現 this magic魔法 stone back there that he put into his hat帽子
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他也在那裡找到一塊魔法石, 當他把魔法石放在他的帽子內
12:12
and then buried隱藏 his face面對 into, and this allowed允許 him
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同時把他的臉埋藏在帽子內的時候, 他便可以
12:15
to translate翻譯 the gold plates from the reformed改革 Egyptian埃及人 into English英語.
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可以把金碟內的埃及文翻譯成英文。
12:19
Well, at this point I just wanted to give these two boys男孩
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在這裡, 我只想給這兩個男孩
12:22
some advice忠告 about their pitch瀝青.
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關於他們推銷技巧的一些建議。
12:24
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
12:27
I wanted to say, "OK, don't start開始 with this story故事."
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我想說: 『好吧, 不要由這個故事開始。』
12:34
I mean, even the Scientologists科學論 know to start開始 with a personality個性 test測試 before they start開始 --
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我的意思是, 連加入山達基教也先要做性格測試
12:39
(Applause掌聲)
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(拍手)
12:41
-- telling告訴 people all about Xenu的Xenu, the evil邪惡 intergalactic星系間 overlord霸王.
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在他們告訴別人那個邪惡的銀河霸主Xenu的故事以前。
12:46
Well, then they said, "Do you believe that God speaks說話 to us
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好了, 跟著他們說:『 你相信神會向我們說話
12:48
through通過 his righteous正義 prophets先知?" And I said, "No, I don't."
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透過他的正義的先知? 』我說: 『不, 我不信。』
12:51
Because I was, sort分類 of, upset煩亂 about this LamaniteLamanite story故事
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因為, 我已經被那個 故事而弄得反感
12:53
and this crazy gold plate盤子 story故事, but the truth真相 was,
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還有那個瘋狂的金碟的故事, 但真相是
12:56
I hadn't有沒有 really thought this through通過, so I backpedaledbackpedaled a little and I said,
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我沒有認真的想過這些, 所以我撤退了一點點, 我說:
13:00
"Well, what exactly究竟 do you mean by righteous正義?
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『那好, 那你所說的正義, 確實的意思是什麼?
13:03
And what do you mean by prophets先知? Like, could the prophets先知 be women婦女?"
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你所說的先知又是什麼? 好像, 先知可以是女人嗎?』
13:07
And they said, "No." And I said, "Why?" And they said,
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他們說: 『不會。』我問: 『為什麼? 』他們說:
13:11
"Well, it's because God gave women婦女 a gift禮品 that is so spectacular壯觀,
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『那是因為神已經給女人一份很特別的禮物,
13:16
it is so wonderful精彩, that the only gift禮品 he had left over to give men男人
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這是很奇妙的, 這是唯一衪只給男人的,
13:21
was the gift禮品 of prophecy預言."
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就是預言的恩賜。』
13:24
What is this wonderful精彩 gift禮品 God gave women婦女, I wondered想知道?
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我在想那神給女人奇妙的禮物是什麼?
13:26
Maybe their greater更大 ability能力 to cooperate合作 and adapt適應?
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可能是更能合作和適應的能力?
13:31
Women's女士的 longer lifespan壽命? The fact事實 that women婦女 tend趨向 to be
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更長的生命預期? 事實上女人大概如是
13:34
much less violent暴力 than men男人? But, no, it wasn't any of these gifts禮品.
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比起男人沒有那麼暴力? 但不, 不是這些禮物。
13:38
They said, "Well, it's her ability能力 to bear children孩子."
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他們說: 『那就是女人可以懷孕生孩子的能力。』
13:41
I said, "Oh, come on. I mean, even if women婦女 tried試著 to have a baby寶寶
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我說: 『噢, 救命, 我的意思是, 即使女人嘗試去懷孩子
13:44
every一切 single year from the time they were 15 to the time they were 45,
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由十五歲至四十五歲的每一年,
13:48
assuming假設 they didn't die from exhaustion衰竭,
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假設她們不會氣絕身亡,
13:50
it still seems似乎 like some women婦女 would have some time left over
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她們仍然可以有些時間剩下來聽聽神的說話。』
13:53
to hear the word of God." And they said, "No."
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但他們說:『 不!』
13:57
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
14:00
Well, then they didn't look so fresh-faced新面孔 and cute可愛 to me any more,
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於是, 他們已經不再看來如此青澀和可愛了
14:02
but they had more to say.
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但他們仍有話要說
14:04
They said, "Well, we also believe that if you're a Mormon摩門教
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他們說: 『我們也相信如果你也加入摩門教
14:07
and if you're in good standing常設 with the church教會, when you die
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如果你跟教會有良好的聯繫, 當你死的時候
14:09
you get to go to heaven天堂 and be with your family家庭 for all eternity永恆."
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你便可以跟你的家人永遠去到天堂。』
14:14
And I said, "Oh, dear --
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我說: 『啊, 親愛的--
14:16
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
14:23
-- that wouldn't不會 be such這樣 a good incentive激勵 for me."
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這對我來說不是一個好的動機。』
14:25
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
14:26
And they said, "Oh -- hey, well, we also believe
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他們說: 『啊, 我們也會相信
14:31
that when you go to heaven天堂 you get your body身體 restored恢復
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當你到了天堂的時候, 你的身體也能
14:33
to you in its best最好 original原版的 state.
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保持在最佳的狀態。
14:36
Like, if you'd lost丟失 a leg, well, you get it back.
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就好像, 如果你失去了一只腳, 你會尋得回來
14:38
Or, if you'd gone走了 blind, you could see."
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或是, 如果你盲了, 你會看見。』
14:40
I said, "Oh -- now, I don't have a uterus子宮 because I had cancer癌症
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我說: 『啊, 現在, 我沒有了子宮因為我數年前曾有癌症
14:44
a few少數 years年份 ago. So, does this mean that if I went to heaven天堂
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所以, 意思是, 如果我到了天堂
14:47
I would get my old uterus子宮 back?" And they said, "Sure."
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我可以找回我的老子宮?』 他們說: 『肯定
14:51
And I said, "I don't want it back. I'm happy快樂 without it." Gosh天哪.
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但我說: 『我不信要回它, 我因為沒有子宮而快樂。』
14:57
What if you had a nose鼻子 job工作 and you liked喜歡 it?
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假如, 你曾做過鼻子整型, 而你又喜歡新的鼻子?
15:00
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
15:02
Would God force you to get your old nose鼻子 back?
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那上帝會不會迫你要回你原來的鼻子?
15:05
Well, then they gave me this Book of Mormon摩門教,
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接著, 他們送了我這本摩門教的書。
15:07
and they told me to read this chapter章節 and that chapter章節,
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他們告訴 我要看這個章節, 那個章節,
15:09
and they said they'd他們會 come back some day and check in on me,
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然後他們說, 會再回來看我有沒有好好讀,
15:11
and I think I said something like, "Please don't hurry匆忙,"
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我好像有說過: 『不要急...』
15:13
or maybe it was just, "Please don't," and they were gone走了.
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又或是: 『不要..... 』, 他們就走了。
15:17
OK, so, I initially原來 felt really superior優越 to these boys男孩,
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OK, 起初的時候, 我是真的感到比起這兩個男孩佔了上風
15:20
and smug躊躇滿志 in my more conventional常規 faith信仰. But then,
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我在我的傳統信仰裡沾沾自喜, 但後來
15:23
the more I thought about it, the more I had to be honest誠實 with myself.
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當我再想多一點的時候 我愈覺得我需要對自己更誠實。
15:26
If someone有人 came來了 to my door and I was hearing聽力 Catholic天主教徒 theology神學
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假如有人走到我的門前 第一次告訴我有關
15:29
and dogma教條 for the very first time, and they said,
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天主教的教義, 他們說:
15:32
"We believe that God impregnated浸漬 a very young年輕 girl女孩
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『我們相信神是透過一個年輕女孩
15:35
without the use of intercourse交往,
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沒有經過性交而受孕,
15:37
and the fact事實 that she was a virgin處女 is maniacally發狂 important重要 to us --
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而事實上, 她是一個童貞是十分重要的--
15:40
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
15:41
-- and she had a baby寶寶, and that's the son兒子 of God,"
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而她有了一個嬰兒, 這就是神的兒子。』
15:44
I mean, I would think that's equally一樣 ridiculous荒謬.
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我的意思是, 我會想這是同等的可笑。
15:47
I'm just so used to that story故事.
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我只是聽慣了這故事。
15:49
(Laughter笑聲)
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笑聲
15:50
So, I couldn't不能 let myself feel condescending居高臨下 towards these boys男孩.
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所以, 我不可以讓自己在這兩個男孩面前感到居高臨下。
15:53
But the question they asked me when they first arrived到達
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但當他們一來到的時候, 所問我的第一個問題
15:55
really stuck卡住 in my head:
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卻縈繞在我的腦海:
15:57
Did I believe that God loved喜愛 me with all his heart?
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我是否相信神是全心全意的愛我?
16:01
Because I wasn't exactly究竟 sure how I felt about that question.
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因為我也不確定自己對這問題的真實感覺。
16:03
Now, if they'd他們會 asked me,
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現在, 如果他們問我:
16:05
Do you feel that God loves you with all his heart?
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你感到神是全心全意的愛你嗎?
16:09
Well, that would have been much different不同, I think I would have instantly即刻 answered回答,
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這, 這是很不一樣, 我想我會立即回答,
16:12
"Yes, yes, I feel it all the time. I feel God's love when I'm hurt傷害 and confused困惑,
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『是, 是的, 我常常都感覺得到。我感到神的愛當我受傷或是迷亂的時候,
16:17
and I feel consoled安慰 and cared照顧 for. I take shelter庇護 in God's love
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我也感到被安慰和被照顧。我在神的愛中找到庇護
16:22
when I don't understand理解 why tragedy悲劇 hits點擊,
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當我不明白為何悲劇會發生,
16:24
and I feel God's love when I look with gratitude感謝 at all the beauty美女 I see."
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當我感恩的看到世間上的美善, 我也感到神的愛。』
16:28
But since以來 they asked me that question with the word believe in it,
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但因為他們問是有關相信的問題,
16:31
somehow不知何故 it was all different不同,
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怎說這是很不同的,
16:33
because I wasn't exactly究竟 sure if I believed相信 what I so clearly明確地 felt.
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因為我並不十分肯定, 我是否可以相信我的感覺。
Translated by Suet Mei Hau
Reviewed by Adrienne Lin

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Julia Sweeney - Actor, comedian, playwright
Julia Sweeney creates comedic works that tackle deep issues: cancer, family, faith.

Why you should listen

Julia Sweeney is a writer, director, actress, comedian and monologist. She is known for being a cast member on Saturday Night Live from 1990 to 1995, where she created and popularized the androgynous character, Pat. She is also well known for her comedic and dramatic monologues. God Said Ha! is a monologue about serious illness, her brother's lymphoma and her own cancer, and her family's crazy reactions to this crisis as they soldiered their way through struggle, confusion and death. This play was performed all over the U.S. and on Broadway at the Lyceum Theater. It was made into a film produced by Quentin Tarantino, and the comedy album from the show was nominated for a Grammy.

Sweeney's second monologue, In the Family Way, played in theatrical runs in New York and Los Angeles. It was ultimately fashioned into a book, a memoir titled If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother. Sweeney's third monologue, Letting Go of God, chronicled her journey from Catholicism to atheism. It was made into a film that played on Showtime.

More profile about the speaker
Julia Sweeney | Speaker | TED.com