ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Lindy Lou Isonhood - Wife, mother, grandmother, friend
Lindy Lou Isonhood served as Juror No. 2 on a capital murder trial in 1994 -- an experience that changed her life.

Why you should listen

As Lindy Lou Isonhood writes: "I was born in Yazoo City, Mississippi, in December 1951 and was raised by my grandmother, a widow with nine children. She was my salvation. From her nurturing I acquired my integrity, independence and strength. She impacted the lives of all around her. I was employed for over half my life: as a federal police officer in the 1970s, then I went on to be the first female letter carrier with the US Postal Service in Jackson for seven years, followed by 18 years in the MS Army National Guard. I ended my working career as an office manager after 13 years with an architectural firm.

"A strong Christian, I am married to a retired colonel who is a very staunch conservative, like me. I'm the mother of two children, a son and a daughter, and three grandchildren -- all girls! The hearts of my life! There is nothing extraordinary about me. I have never achieved fame or any outstanding records or recognition. Never received a college degree although I have many accumulated hours. But my life reached a turning point when I served as a juror in the sentencing phase of a capital murder trial in 1994. This experience changed me from the inside out."

More profile about the speaker
Lindy Lou Isonhood | Speaker | TED.com
TEDWomen 2018

Lindy Lou Isonhood: A juror's reflections on the death penalty

Lindy Lou Isonhood: Reflexões de uma jurada sobre a pena de morte

Filmed:
1,627,727 views

Lindy Lou Isonhood cresceu em uma cidade onde a pena de morte era um fato da vida, parte da cultura tácita. Mas, depois de ser jurada em um julgamento de um homicídio qualificado e ter votado "sim" para condenar um homem culpado à morte, algo dentro dela mudou. Nesta palestra envolvente e pessoal, Isonhood reflete sobre a questão que ela tem se feito nos 25 anos desde o julgamento: "Eu sou uma assassina?"
- Wife, mother, grandmother, friend
Lindy Lou Isonhood served as Juror No. 2 on a capital murder trial in 1994 -- an experience that changed her life. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:13
It was a Thursday,
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Era uma quinta-feira,
00:15
June the 23rd, 1994.
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23 de junho de 1994.
00:23
(Sighs)
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(Suspiro)
"Peguem seus pertences.
00:24
"Collect your belongings.
You are free to go.
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Vocês estão liberados.
00:28
When escorted outside,
go directly to your car.
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Ao serem escoltados até a saída,
vão direto para seu carro.
00:32
Do not talk to reporters."
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Não falem com os jornalistas".
00:36
My head is spinning,
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Minha cabeça está girando;
00:38
my heart is racing,
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o coração, disparando.
Não consigo respirar.
00:40
I can't get a breath.
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00:43
I just want out of there.
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Só quero sair dali.
00:47
When I get to my car,
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Quando entro em meu carro,
00:49
I throw everything on the back,
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jogo tudo no banco de trás
00:52
and I just collapse
into the driver's seat.
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e desmonto no assento do motorista.
00:55
"I can't do this.
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"Não consigo fazer isso.
Não posso ir pra casa,
00:57
I can't go home to my family
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ver minha família,
que não vejo há uma semana,
01:02
that I haven't seen in a week
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01:06
and pretend to be happy."
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e fingir que estou feliz".
01:10
Not even their love and support
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Nem mesmo o amor e o apoio dela
01:14
could help me at this particular time.
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podem me ajudar nesse momento específico.
01:19
We had just sentenced a man to death.
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Acabamos de condenar um homem à morte.
01:26
Now what?
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E agora?
01:28
Just go home and wash dishes?
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Ir pra casa e lavar a louça?
Vejam,
01:32
You see, in Mississippi,
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no Mississippi,
01:37
the death penalty is like a part
of our unspoken culture.
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a pena de morte faz parte
de nossa cultura tácita.
01:43
The basic logic is, if you murder someone,
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A lógica básica é: se você mata alguém,
01:47
then you're going to receive
the death penalty.
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também tem que receber a pena de morte.
01:51
So when the jury selection
process took place,
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Assim, durante o processo
de escolha dos jurados,
01:57
they asked me,
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me perguntaram:
02:01
"Could you,
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"Você conseguiria,
02:03
if the evidence presented
justified the death penalty,
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se apresentassem provas
que justificassem a pena de morte,
02:09
could you deliver,
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você conseguiria proferir,
02:11
rationally and without reservations,
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de modo racional e sem reservas,
02:13
a penalty of death?"
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uma pena de morte?"
02:17
My answer was an astounding "yes,"
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Minha resposta foi um espantoso "sim",
e fui escolhida como jurada número dois.
02:21
and I was selected as Juror Number 2.
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02:26
The trial started.
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O julgamento começou.
02:28
From the evidence being presented
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Segundo as provas apresentadas
02:32
and from the pictures of the victim,
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e as fotografias da vítima,
02:34
my first response was,
"Yes, this man is a monster,
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minha primeira reação foi:
"Sim, esse homem é um monstro
que merece a pena de morte".
02:39
and he deserves the death penalty."
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02:44
For days, I sat and looked at his hands,
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Durante dias, estive ali sentada
olhando para as mãos dele,
02:48
the ones that yielded the knife,
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as mesmas que usaram a faca,
02:53
and against his pasty white skin,
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para a pele branca e pálida,
02:58
his eyes ...
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para os olhos dele...
03:00
Well, he spent endless days in his cell,
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Ele passou dias intermináveis numa cela,
03:04
no sunlight,
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sem ver a luz do sol.
Por isso, os olhos estavam tão escuros
quanto o cabelo e o bigode.
03:05
so his eyes were as black
as his hair and his mustache.
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03:10
He was very intimidating,
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Ele era muito intimidador.
03:14
and there was absolutely
no doubt in his guilt.
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Não havia dúvidas de que ele era culpado.
03:21
But regardless of his guilt,
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Mas, apesar de ele ser culpado,
conforme os dias passavam,
03:23
as the days passed,
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03:26
I began to see this monster
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comecei a ver aquele monstro
como um ser humano.
03:30
as a human being.
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03:34
Something inside of me was changing
that I just didn't understand.
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Algo estava mudando dentro de mim,
e eu não entendia o motivo.
03:39
I was beginning to question myself
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Eu começava a me questionar
03:41
as to whether or not I wanted
to give this man the death penalty.
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se eu queria ou não dar
àquele homem a pena de morte.
03:47
Jury deliberations began,
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As deliberações dos jurados começaram,
03:50
and the judge gave us jury instructions
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e o juiz deu instruções ao júri
03:56
and it was to be used as a tool
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para serem usadas como ferramenta
03:59
in how to reach a verdict.
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para se chegar a um veredicto.
04:02
Well, using this tool
only led to one decision,
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Aquela ferramenta
só nos levava a uma decisão:
04:07
and that was the death penalty.
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a pena de morte.
04:10
I felt backed into a corner.
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Eu me senti encurralada.
04:13
My head and my heart
were in conflict with each other,
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Minha mente e meu coração
entraram em conflito,
04:16
and the thought of the death penalty
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e a ideia da pena de morte me repugnava.
04:18
made me sick.
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04:23
However, following
the judge's instructions,
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No entanto, segundo as instruções do juiz,
04:28
being a law-abiding person,
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como cumpridora das leis,
cedi.
04:31
I gave up.
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04:34
I gave up and voted along
with the other 11 jurors.
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Cedi e votei junto
com os outros 11 jurados.
04:40
And there it was:
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E lá estava:
04:42
our broken judicial system at work.
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nosso sistema judicial falido
em funcionamento.
04:50
So here I am in my car,
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Eu estava lá em meu carro,
04:52
and I'm wondering:
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imaginando:
04:54
How is my life ever going to be the same?
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"Como minha vida voltará a ser a mesma?"
04:59
My life was kids, work,
church, ball games --
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Minha vida eram os filhos,
o trabalho, a igreja, os jogos com bola,
05:04
just your average, normal, everyday life.
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apenas a vida cotidiana normal.
05:08
Now everything felt trivial.
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Tudo parecia trivial.
05:11
I was going down this rabbit hole.
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Eu estava afundando
nessa situação problemática.
A raiva, a ansiedade,
05:14
The anger, the anxiety,
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a culpa e a depressão
05:18
the guilt, the depression ...
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05:21
it just clung to me.
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tomaram conta de mim.
05:23
I knew that my life had to resume,
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Eu sabia que tinha de retomar minha vida.
Então, procurei aconselhamento.
05:29
so I sought counseling.
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05:31
The counselor diagnosed me with PTSD
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Fui diagnosticada com transtorno
de estresse pós-traumático
05:35
and told me that the best way
to overcome the PTSD
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e me disseram que a melhor
maneira de superar isso
era falar sobre o trauma.
05:40
was to talk about the trauma.
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05:43
However, if I talked or tried
to talk about the trauma
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Mas, se eu tentasse falar a respeito
fora do consultório,
05:48
outside her office,
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05:50
I was shut down.
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eu seria ignorada.
05:52
No one wanted to hear about it.
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Ninguém queria ouvir falar disso.
05:55
He was just a murderer. Get over it.
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"Ele não passa de um assassino.
Esquece".
05:59
It was then that I decided
to become a silent survivor.
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Foi então que decidi me tornar
uma sobrevivente silenciosa.
06:06
Twelve years later, 2006,
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Doze anos depois, em 2006,
06:09
I learned that Bobby Wilcher
had dropped all of his appeals,
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soube que Bobby Wilcher
havia esgotado todas as apelações,
06:15
and his execution date was approaching.
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e que a data da execução estava próxima.
06:19
That was like a punch in the stomach.
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Foi como um soco no estômago.
Todos aqueles sentimentos enterrados
começaram a voltar.
06:22
All of those buried feelings
just started coming back.
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06:27
To try and find peace,
I called Bobby's attorney, and I said,
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Para tentar encontrar paz,
liguei para o advogado de Bobby e disse:
06:32
"Can I see Bobby before he's executed?"
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"Posso ver Bobby antes
de ele ser executado?"
06:36
Driving to the penitentiary
on the day of his execution,
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A caminho da penitenciária,
no dia da execução,
06:41
in my mind,
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eu pensava que Bobby fosse um maníaco.
06:42
Bobby was going to be manic.
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06:45
But, surprisingly, he was very calm.
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Mas, para minha surpresa,
ele era muito calmo.
06:50
And for two hours, he and I sat there
and talked about life,
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Durante duas horas,
conversamos sobre a vida,
06:56
and I got to ask him to forgive me
for my hand in his death.
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e pedi a ele que me perdoasse
por minha participação na morte dele.
07:04
His words to me were:
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As palavras dele foram:
07:06
"You don't have to apologize.
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"Você não tem que se desculpar.
07:08
You didn't put me here.
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Não foi você quem me pôs aqui.
A culpa é toda minha.
07:10
I did this myself.
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07:14
But if it'll make you feel better,
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Mas, se isso faz você
se sentir melhor, eu lhe perdoo".
07:15
I forgive you."
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07:19
On my way home,
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A caminho de casa,
07:20
I stopped by a restaurant
and bought a margarita.
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parei num restaurante
e comprei uma tequila.
07:24
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
07:29
I don't think I could
get one big enough --
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Acho que não me deram o bastante...
07:31
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
para tentar me acalmar.
07:32
to try and calm down.
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07:35
My phone rang.
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Meu telefone tocou.
Era o advogado de Bobby.
07:38
It was Bobby's attorney.
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07:41
Within two minutes of his execution,
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A dois minutos da execução,
07:44
they had given him a stay.
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haviam concedido a ele um adiamento.
07:48
This stay gave me time
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Esse adiamento me deu um tempo
07:52
to reach out to Bobby.
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para contatar Bobby.
07:55
And as crazy as it may sound,
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Por mais que pareça loucura,
ficamos amigos.
07:57
we became friends.
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08:00
Three months later,
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Três meses depois,
08:02
he was executed
by the State of Mississippi.
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ele foi executado
pelo estado do Mississippi.
08:07
I'm here to tell you my story,
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Estou aqui para contar
a vocês minha história,
08:13
because it was precisely 22 years later
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porque foi exatamente 22 anos depois
08:18
that I even wanted to open up
enough to talk about it,
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que tive a necessidade de me abrir
e falar sobre esse assunto,
08:23
when a friend encouraged me.
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quando um amigo me incentivou:
08:26
"Hey, perhaps you need to talk
to the other jurors.
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"Talvez você precise conversar
com os outros jurados.
Vocês passaram pela mesma experiência".
08:30
You've been through the same experience."
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08:33
Uncertain of what I was after,
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Sem saber o que iria acontecer,
08:36
I did need to talk to them.
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eu precisava conversar com eles.
08:39
So I set out on my quest,
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Então, comecei minha busca
08:42
and I actually found most of them.
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e encontrei a maioria deles.
O primeiro jurado que encontrei
08:45
The first juror I met
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08:47
thought that Bobby got what he deserved.
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achava que Bobby teve o que merecia.
08:50
Another juror --
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Outro jurado...
08:53
well, they just kind of regretted
that it took so long
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lamentou terem demorado tanto
08:57
to carry the sentence out.
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para executar a sentença.
Um jurado, que não sei
o que havia de errado com ele,
08:59
Then one juror, and I don't know
what was wrong with him,
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não se lembrava de nada
sobre o julgamento.
09:02
but he didn't remember
anything about the trial.
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(Risos)
09:04
(Laughter)
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09:06
Well,
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Bem,
09:08
I'm thinking in my mind,
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comecei a pensar:
09:10
"Jeez, is this the response
I'm gonna get from everybody else?"
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"Puxa, será que todos
vão me dar essa resposta?"
09:15
Well, thank God for Allen.
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Graças a Deus, havia Allen.
09:19
Allen was a gentle soul.
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Allen era uma alma gentil.
09:22
And when I talked to him,
he was genuinely upset
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Quando conversei com ele,
ele estava sinceramente chateado
com nossa decisão.
09:26
about our decision.
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09:29
And he told me about the day
that the devastation
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E me contou sobre o dia
em que ficou muito devastado e abatido.
09:33
really set in on him and hit him.
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09:37
He was listening to the radio,
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Ele estava escutando o rádio,
09:40
and the radio had a list of names
of men to be executed
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que dava uma lista de nomes
dos homens que seriam executados
na Penitenciária de Parchman.
09:45
at Parchman Penitentiary.
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09:49
He heard Bobby's name,
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Ele ouviu o nome de Bobby,
09:51
and he then truly realized
what he had done.
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e só então se deu conta
do que havia feito e me disse:
09:55
And he said, "You know, I had
a responsibility in that man's death."
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"Sabe, também sou responsável
pela morte daquele homem".
10:01
Now here it is, 20-something years later,
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Hoje, 20 e poucos anos depois,
10:03
and Allen is still dealing
with that issue.
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Allen continua lidando com essa questão.
10:08
And he's never told anyone about it,
not even his wife.
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Nunca disse nada a ninguém,
nem à mulher dele.
10:14
He also told me
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Ele também me disse
10:15
that if the State of Mississippi
wanted to keep the death penalty,
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que, se o estado do Mississippi
quisesse manter a pena de morte,
10:18
then hey, they needed to provide
counseling for the jurors.
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precisaria fornecer
aconselhamento aos jurados.
10:24
Then the next juror I met was Jane.
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A próxima jurada que encontrei foi Jane.
Jane é hoje totalmente
contra a pena de morte.
10:27
Jane is now totally
against the death penalty,
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10:31
And there was Bill.
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E havia Bill.
10:33
Bill said he had this
crushing depression for weeks,
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Bill disse que teve uma depressão
terrível durante semanas
10:38
and when he went back to work,
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e, quando voltou ao trabalho,
10:40
his colleagues would say
things to him like,
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os colegas lhe disseram coisas como:
10:44
"Hey, did you fry him?"
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"E aí, fritou o cara?"
10:45
To them, it was just a joke.
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Para eles, era apenas uma piada.
10:48
Then there was Jon.
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Depois, havia Jon.
10:50
Jon said his decision weighed on him,
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Jon disse que sua decisão
havia pesado sobre ele
10:55
and it burdened him daily.
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e que o sobrecarregava todos os dias.
10:58
The final juror that I spoke to was Ken.
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O último jurado com quem falei foi Ken.
Ken havia sido o primeiro jurado.
11:01
Ken was the foreman of the jury.
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11:05
When we sat down to talk,
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Quando nos sentamos para conversar,
11:08
it was apparent that he was deeply
saddened by what we were required to do.
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era visível que ele estava
profundamente entristecido
com o que haviam lhe exigido fazer.
11:15
He relived the day
that he left the courthouse
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Recordou o dia em que deixou o tribunal,
voltou pra casa,
11:19
and he drove home
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colocou a chave na porta e a abriu.
11:21
and he went to put his key
in his door and unlock it,
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11:24
and he said he literally broke down.
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Disse que, literalmente, desabou.
11:30
He said he knew that Bobby was guilty,
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Disse que sabia que Bobby era culpado,
11:33
but the decision he made,
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mas não sabia se havia tomado
a decisão correta.
11:35
he did not know
if it was the right decision.
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11:40
And he said that he played it
over and over in his head.
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Disse que passava a cena
na cabeça inúmeras vezes.
11:43
Did we do the right thing?
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"Será que fizemos a coisa certa?
11:46
Did we do the right thing?
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Fizemos mesmo a coisa certa?
11:49
Did we do the right thing?
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'Fizemos' a coisa certa?"
11:55
(Sighs)
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(Suspiro)
11:58
All those years,
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Todos esses anos,
12:00
and I finally realized that I was not
the only disillusioned juror.
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percebi finalmente que eu não era
a única jurada desiludida.
12:06
And we talked about sharing our experience
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Falamos sobre compartilhar
nossa experiência
12:11
with potential jurors
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com possíveis jurados
e dar a eles algumas ideias
sobre o que esperar,
12:15
to give them some insight
into what to expect,
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3548
12:20
and to tell them do not be complacent;
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dizer a eles para não ser complacentes;
12:23
to know what you believe;
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saber no que acreditam;
12:26
to know where you stand and be prepared,
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saber onde estão e estar preparados,
porque não queremos começar
uma manhã como jurados
12:31
because you don't want
to walk in one morning as a juror
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6136
12:37
and leave at the end of the trial
feeling like a murderer.
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e sair, no final do julgamento,
nos sentindo assassinos.
12:42
Now, through this storm in my life,
I did find some inspiration,
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3993
Passando por essa tempestade
em minha vida, encontrei inspiração,
12:46
and it came in the form
of my granddaughters.
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que veio de minhas netas.
12:50
My 14-year-old granddaughter, Maddie,
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Minha neta Maddie, de 14 anos,
12:53
was writing an essay
on the death penalty for school,
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estava escrevendo uma redação
sobre pena de morte, para a escola,
12:57
and she was asking me questions.
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2023
e veio me fazer algumas perguntas.
12:59
Well, it dawned on me
that this child was being raised
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Comecei a perceber que aquela
criança estava sendo educada
13:03
in the same eye-for-an-eye culture
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4027
na mesma cultura do "olho por olho",
13:08
as I was,
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1565
como eu fui, ou havia sido.
13:09
or had been.
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1478
13:12
And so I explained my experience
to her this way:
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3627
Expliquei a ela minha experiência
da seguinte maneira:
13:16
that I had sentenced someone to death
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eu havia condenado uma pessoa à morte
13:21
as I served on a jury.
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quando fiz parte de um júri.
13:24
And I asked her,
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1417
Perguntei a ela:
13:26
"Did that make me a murderer?"
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1850
"Isso me tornou uma assassina?"
13:29
She couldn't answer.
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1412
Ela não soube me responder.
13:31
I knew then that this topic
needed to be open for discussion.
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Soube então que eu precisava abrir
aquele assunto para discussão.
13:36
And guess what happened?
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Adivinhem o que aconteceu.
13:38
I got invited to speak, just recently,
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Fui convidada para falar, há pouco tempo,
13:42
in an abolitionist community.
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em uma comunidade abolicionista
da pena de morte.
13:45
While I was there, I got a T-shirt.
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2810
Quando fui lá, ganhei uma camiseta
13:48
It says, "Stop Executions."
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816706
2681
com a frase: "Parem as execuções".
13:52
Well, when I get home, my 16-year-old
granddaughter was there, Anna,
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4110
Quando cheguei em casa,
minha neta Anna, de 16 anos, estava lá
13:56
and she says, "Can I have that shirt?"
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2589
e disse: "Dá essa camiseta pra mim?"
14:00
Well, I looked at her dad --
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1653
Olhei para o pai dela,
14:02
her dad is my son --
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1767
que é meu filho.
14:04
and I knew that he is still dealing
with this death penalty issue.
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4355
Eu sabia que ele ainda lidava
com o assunto da pena de morte.
14:09
So I turned around
and I looked at her, and I said,
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2671
Então me virei pra ela e perguntei:
"Você vai usar isto?"
14:12
"Are you gonna wear this?"
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1695
14:14
So she turned and she looked
at her dad, and she said,
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3400
Ela se virou para o pai e disse:
14:18
"Dad, I know how you feel,
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1286
"Pai, sei como você se sente,
14:19
but I don't believe in the death penalty."
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847460
4013
mas não acredito na pena de morte".
14:24
My son looked at me,
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3111
Meu filho olhou pra mim,
14:27
shook his head, and said,
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855472
2624
balançou a cabeça e disse:
14:31
"Thanks, Mom."
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1652
"Obrigado, mãe".
14:34
And I knew it wasn't a nice "Thanks, Mom."
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3361
Percebi que aquele não era
um "obrigado, mãe" gentil.
14:37
(Laughter)
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865509
1150
(Risos)
14:39
So I learned that life
had taught me some lessons.
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867964
4528
Descobri que a vida
tinha me ensinado algumas lições.
14:46
It taught me, if I had
not served on that jury,
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874180
4549
Ela me ensinou que, se eu não tivesse
feito parte daquele júri,
14:51
that I would still be of the same mindset.
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3906
eu ainda teria a mesma mentalidade.
14:57
It also gave me confidence
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Também me deu confiança
14:59
to be able to see through
the eyes of my granddaughters,
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4213
para conseguir ver pelos olhos
de minhas netas,
15:03
that this younger generation,
they're capable and they're willing
245
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5127
que essa geração mais nova
é capaz e está disposta
15:09
to tackle these difficult social issues.
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4373
a lidar com essas questões
sociais difíceis.
15:14
And because of my experience,
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902201
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Por causa de minha experiência,
15:16
my granddaughters,
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904593
1498
minhas netas
15:18
they're now more equipped
to stand on their own
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5047
estão hoje mais bem preparadas
para tomar uma posição
e pensar por si mesmas,
15:23
and to think for themselves
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2443
15:26
than to rely on cultural beliefs.
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4700
em vez de confiar em crenças culturais,
15:32
So:
252
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1210
Então,
15:34
being from a conservative,
Christian family
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3543
pertencendo a uma família
cristã conservadora
15:38
from a very conservative state
in the United States,
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4383
de um estado muito conservador dos EUA,
15:44
I am here to tell you
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1483
venho aqui para lhes dizer
15:45
that the death penalty has new opponents.
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que a pena de morte tem novos opositores.
15:51
Thank you.
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Obrigada.
15:52
(Applause)
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(Aplausos)
Translated by Maurício Kakuei Tanaka
Reviewed by Raissa Mendes

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Lindy Lou Isonhood - Wife, mother, grandmother, friend
Lindy Lou Isonhood served as Juror No. 2 on a capital murder trial in 1994 -- an experience that changed her life.

Why you should listen

As Lindy Lou Isonhood writes: "I was born in Yazoo City, Mississippi, in December 1951 and was raised by my grandmother, a widow with nine children. She was my salvation. From her nurturing I acquired my integrity, independence and strength. She impacted the lives of all around her. I was employed for over half my life: as a federal police officer in the 1970s, then I went on to be the first female letter carrier with the US Postal Service in Jackson for seven years, followed by 18 years in the MS Army National Guard. I ended my working career as an office manager after 13 years with an architectural firm.

"A strong Christian, I am married to a retired colonel who is a very staunch conservative, like me. I'm the mother of two children, a son and a daughter, and three grandchildren -- all girls! The hearts of my life! There is nothing extraordinary about me. I have never achieved fame or any outstanding records or recognition. Never received a college degree although I have many accumulated hours. But my life reached a turning point when I served as a juror in the sentencing phase of a capital murder trial in 1994. This experience changed me from the inside out."

More profile about the speaker
Lindy Lou Isonhood | Speaker | TED.com