ABOUT THE SPEAKER
George Blair-West - Psychiatrist
Dr. George Blair-West is an author, researcher and doctor specializing in psychiatry.

Why you should listen

Dr. George Blair-West specializes in psychiatry in private practice in Brisbane, Australia. He sub-specializes in trauma and relationship/sex therapy. His abiding interest is distilling the latest psychotherapeutic research, honing these insights for impactful delivery through his clinical work, and then sharing them with the greater population.

In the 1990s, as a Senior Lecturer at the University of Queensland, Blair-West published widely on suicide and depression. Needing to lose weight himself, he then turned his focus to the overlooked research into the psychological forces that prevent weight loss. The bestselling book Weight Loss for Food Lovers: Understanding Our Minds and Why We Sabotage Our Weight Loss (translated into Dutch and Chinese) along with related research papers resulted in keynote addresses, a regular spot on the Australian breakfast show Today and media appearances around the world. A children's book on teaching healthy eating habits followed, and in 2010 Blair-West was named one of the "top 20 most influential obesity experts in the world."

Blair-West's 2013 novel The Way of The Quest received three international awards and was about the "how to" of finding one's meaning and purpose in life while building healthy relationships.

Helping people make sense of relationships is Blair-West's most important work. Drawing on his 25 years as a relationship therapist, he is currently writing his fourth book, How to Make the Biggest Decision of Your Life with his daughter Jiveny Blair-West, a dating coach. He and his wife Penny, a psychologist, celebrated 30 years of marriage in 2018.

More profile about the speaker
George Blair-West | Speaker | TED.com
TEDxBrisbane

George Blair-West: 3 ways to build a happy marriage and avoid divorce

乔治 · 布莱尔-韦斯特: 打造幸福婚姻，避免离婚的三个方法

Filmed:
3,158,765 views

选择结婚并与某人分享你的生活，是你一生中所能做的最重要的决定之一。但是随着世界上一些地区的离婚率达到了近50%，很明显我们可以在选择伴侣的时候听取一些建议。心理学家乔治 · 布莱尔-韦斯特在一段可付诸行动的、令人大开眼界的演讲中与我们分享了防止离婚的三个关键——并如何在约会期间就发现潜在的问题。
- Psychiatrist
Dr. George Blair-West is an author, researcher and doctor specializing in psychiatry. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

差不多五十年前，
00:15
Almost几乎 50 years年份 ago前,
0
3306
2450
精神病学家理查德 · 赖特
和托马斯 · 赫姆斯列出了一份清单，
00:17
psychiatrists精神科医生 Richard理查德 Rahe拉赫
and Thomas托马斯 Holmes霍姆斯 developed发达 an inventory库存
1
5780
4726
包含了我们所能拥有的
最痛苦的人类经历。
00:22
of the most最 distressing令人痛心
human人的 experiences经验 that we could have.
2
10530
5086
00:28
Number数 one on the list名单? Death死亡 of a spouse伴侣.
3
16835
3450
排名第一的是配偶的去世。
第二：离婚。
第三：婚内分居。
00:32
Number数 two, divorce离婚.
Three三, marital婚姻 separation分割.
4
20309
2667
通常是这样，但并非总是如此，
00:35
Now, generally通常, but not always,
5
23506
3170
要让这三件事情发生，我们
需要先实现名单上的第七条，
00:38
for those three三 to occur发生, we need
what comes来 in number数 seven七 on the list名单,
6
26700
4085
也就是婚姻。
00:42
which哪一个 is marriage婚姻.
7
30809
1472
（笑声）
00:44
(Laughter笑声)
8
32305
2092
00:46
Fourth第四 on the list名单 is imprisonment徒刑
in an institution机构.
9
34421
5157
名单上的第四条是在监狱里被监禁。
有人会说第七条已经算了两次。
（译者注：将婚姻比做囚牢）
00:51
Now, some say number数 seven七
has been counted计 twice两次.
10
39955
2782
（笑声）
00:54
(Laughter笑声)
11
42761
2652
00:58
I don't believe that.
12
46356
1507
对此我并不认同。
01:00
When the life stress强调 inventory库存 was built内置,
13
48845
2730
在这份生活压力清单
诞生的那个年代，
一个长期的关系几乎等同于婚姻。
01:04
back then, a long-term长期 relationship关系
pretty漂亮 much equated划等号 to a marriage婚姻.
14
52361
6065
现在情况已经不同了，
01:10
Not so now.
15
58450
1156
为了本次演讲的目的，我将会考虑
01:11
So for the purposes目的 of this talk,
I'm going to be including包含
16
59630
3345
01:16
de德 facto事实上 relationships关系,
common-law普通法 marriages婚姻
17
64282
2088
同居关系，事实婚姻，
以及同性婚姻，
01:18
and same-sex同性 marriages婚姻,
18
66394
2734
01:21
or same-sex同性 relationships关系
soon不久 hopefully希望 to become成为 marriages婚姻.
19
69152
4110
或者说同性关系，
希望很快会成为婚姻。
01:26
And I can say from my work
with same-sex同性 couples情侣,
20
74432
2367
基于我与若干对同性伴侣的合作，
01:28
the principles原则 I'm about
to talk about are no different不同.
21
76823
3157
我要谈的原则没有什么不同，
01:32
They're the same相同 across横过 all relationships关系.
22
80004
2720
它们在所有关系中都适用。
在现代社会中，
01:35
So in a modern现代 society社会,
23
83635
2590
01:38
we know that prevention预防
is better than cure治愈.
24
86249
3876
我们知道预防胜于治疗。
01:42
We vaccinate接种疫苗 against反对 polio脊髓灰质炎, diphtheria白喉,
tetanus破伤风, whooping百日咳 cough咳嗽, measles麻疹.
25
90149
5187
我们接种疫苗预防脊髓灰质炎，
白喉，破伤风，百日咳，麻疹。
01:47
We have awareness意识 campaigns活动
for melanoma黑色素瘤, stroke行程, diabetes糖尿病 --
26
95360
4219
我们还开展了关于黑色素瘤、
中风、糖尿病的认知运动。
这些都是重要的运动，
01:51
all important重要 campaigns活动.
27
99603
2451
01:54
But none没有 of those conditions条件 come close关
28
102660
2955
但其中没有一项
01:58
to affecting影响 45 percent百分 of us.
29
106743
3097
能影响接近45%的人口。
45%。 这就是我们目前的离婚率。
02:02
Forty-five四十五 percent百分: that's
our current当前 divorce离婚 rate率.
30
110860
3084
为什么没有预防离婚的运动？
02:06
Why no prevention预防 campaign运动 for divorce离婚?
31
114616
3816
02:11
Well, I think it's because
our policymakers政策制定者 don't believe
32
119312
5936
我认为这是因为我们的
政策制定者不相信
02:17
that things like attraction引力
and the way relationships关系 are built内置
33
125272
4825
吸引力和建立关系的方式是
可以改变的，或者可以教育的。
02:22
is changeable多变 or educable可教育的.
34
130121
2210
为什么呢？
02:25
Why?
35
133262
1345
事实上，目前我们的
政策制定者是X一代，
02:27
Well, our policymakers政策制定者 currently目前
are Generation代 X.
36
135204
3994
他们的年龄在 30 至 60 岁。
02:31
They're in their其 30s to 50s.
37
139658
2659
02:34
And when I'm talking说 to these guys
about these issues问题,
38
142931
3558
当我和这些人谈论这些问题时，
我看到他们一脸茫然，
02:38
I see their其 eyes眼睛 glaze釉 over,
39
146513
1989
很显然他们在想：
02:40
and I can see them thinking思维,
40
148526
2243
02:42
"Doesn't this crazy疯 psychiatrist心理医生 get it?
41
150793
2896
“难道这个疯狂的
精神病学家不明白吗？
你不能控制人们相互吸引
02:45
You can't control控制 the way in which哪一个
people attract吸引 other people
42
153713
3840
02:49
and build建立 relationships关系."
43
157577
1850
和建立关系的方式。”
02:52
Not so, our dear亲 millennials千禧.
44
160359
2326
而对我们亲爱的千禧一代
来说并不是这样。
02:55
This is the most最 information-connected信息连接,
analytical分析 and skeptical怀疑的 generation代,
45
163594
5893
这是信息联系最紧密、分析能力最强、
最具怀疑精神的一代，
相比之前的任何一代人，
他们能做出最明智的决定。
03:01
making制造 the most最 informed通知 decisions决定
of any generation代 before them.
46
169511
4988
当我和千禧一代交谈时，
我得到了一个非常不同的反应。
03:06
And when I talk to millennials千禧,
I get a very different不同 reaction反应.
47
174523
3252
他们乐意洗耳恭听。
03:10
They actually其实 want to hear听 about this.
48
178389
1856
他们想知道我们该如何
维持长久的关系。
03:12
They want to know about how do we
have relationships关系 that last?
49
180269
4839
所以，对于那些想和我一起
拥抱“后浪漫命运”时代的人，
03:18
So for those of you who want to embrace拥抱
the post-后 "romantic浪漫 destiny命运" era时代 with me,
50
186278
5044
03:23
let me talk about my three三 life hacks黑客
for preventing防止 divorce离婚.
51
191346
4986
不妨听我说说三个
防止离婚的生活技巧。
03:28
Now, we can intervene干预
to prevent避免 divorce离婚 at two points点:
52
196356
4220
我们可以在两个时间点
进行干预，以防止离婚：
03:32
later后来, once一旦 the cracks裂缝 begin开始 to appear出现
in an established既定 relationship关系;
53
200600
4692
在后期，当一个确定的
关系出现了裂缝；
03:37
or earlier前, before we commit承诺,
before we have children孩子.
54
205316
4935
或者在早期，在我们做出
承诺之前，生孩子之前，
这就是我现在要讨论的时期。
03:42
And that's where I'm going to take us now.
55
210275
2957
我的第一个生活技巧：
03:46
So my first life hack劈:
56
214128
1738
03:48
millennials千禧 spend花 seven-plus七人制以上 hours小时
on their其 devices设备 a day.
57
216919
4655
千禧一代每天花在电子设备上的
时间达到了七小时以上。
这是美国的数据。
03:54
That's American美国 data数据.
58
222116
1288
03:56
And some say, probably大概 not unreasonably无理,
59
224056
2345
有人说，该说法可能不无道理，
这可能会影响他们面对面时的关系。
03:58
this has probably大概 affected受影响
their其 face-to-face面对面 relationships关系.
60
226425
4174
04:03
Indeed确实, and add加 to that
the hookup挂钩 culture文化,
61
231139
3715
的确，而且这种“牵线文化”催生了
像Tinder这样的应用程序，
04:06
ergoERGO apps应用 like Tinder火种,
62
234878
1943
04:08
and it's no great surprise惊 that
the 20-somethings-somethings that I work with
63
236845
3539
这也难怪，与我合作的
那些 20 多岁的年轻人
往往会和我谈到，
相比展开一次有意义的对话，
04:12
will often经常 talk to me about
how it is often经常 easier更轻松 for them
64
240408
3897

跟遇到的人直接发生性关系，
04:16
to have sex性别 with somebody谁 that they've他们已经 met会见
65
244329
2561
04:18
than have a meaningful富有意义的 conversation会话.
66
246914
2240
常常更容易。
04:21
Now, some say this is a bad坏 thing.
67
249628
2427
有人说这是件坏事儿。
我却说这真是一件好事儿。
04:24
I say this is a really good thing.
68
252928
2577
在婚姻制度之外发生性关系
04:28
It's a particularly尤其 good thing
69
256980
2046
尤其是件好事儿。
04:31
to be having有 sex性别 outside外
of the institution机构 of marriage婚姻.
70
259050
4206
04:35
Now, before you go out
and get all moral道德 on me,
71
263280
2906
不过在你开始评论我的道德观之前，
04:38
remember记得 that Generation代 X,
in the American美国 Public上市 Report报告,
72
266210
3904
别忘了，在《美国公共报告》中，
他们发现 X 一代中
有 91% 的女性在 30 岁之前
04:42
they found发现 that 91 percent百分 of women妇女
73
270138
3403
有过婚前性行为。
04:45
had had premarital婚前 sex性别 by the age年龄 of 30.
74
273565
2712
91%。
04:48
Ninety-one91 percent百分.
75
276301
1768
这些关系在较晚的时候
发生尤其是个好现象。
04:51
It's a particularly尤其 good thing that
these relationships关系 are happening事件 later后来.
76
279383
4493
04:56
See, boomers潮 in the '60s --
77
284358
2317
想想看，60 年代婴儿潮
时期出生的人们——
04:59
they were getting得到 married已婚
at an average平均 age年龄 for women妇女 of 20
78
287921
3285
他们结婚时女性平均为20 岁，
男性为 23 岁。
05:03
and 23 for men男人.
79
291230
1910
2015 年澳大利亚的数据表明，
05:05
2015 in Australia澳大利亚?
80
293629
2132
05:07
That is now 30 for women妇女 and 32 for men男人.
81
295785
4932
女性婚龄推迟到了30岁，男性是32岁。
05:13
That's a good thing, because
the older旧的 you are when you get married已婚,
82
301759
5533
这是件好事，因为你越是晚婚，
05:19
the lower降低 your divorce离婚 rate率.
83
307316
1696
离婚率就越低。
为什么呢？
05:21
Why?
84
309036
1168
为什么晚婚有助于维持婚姻？
05:22
Why is it helpful有帮助 to get married已婚 later后来?
85
310228
2487
有三个原因。
05:24
Three三 reasons原因.
86
312739
1169
首先，晚婚可以让
防止离婚的另外两个因素
05:25
Firstly首先, getting得到 married已婚 later后来 allows允许
the other two preventers预防器 of divorce离婚
87
313932
4694
05:30
to come into play玩.
88
318650
1231
发挥作用，
即高等教育，
05:31
They are tertiary第三 education教育
89
319905
2270
和较高的收入，这样的人
也往往愿意与高学历的人结婚。
05:34
and a higher更高 income收入, which哪一个 tends趋向
to go with tertiary第三 education教育.
90
322952
3054
这三个因素几乎是交织在一起的。
05:38
So these three三 factors因素 all
kind类 of get mixed杂 up together一起.
91
326030
3208
第二：
05:41
Number数 two,
92
329262
1277
神经可塑性研究告诉我们，
05:42
neuroplasticity神经可塑性 research研究 tell us
93
330563
2362
人类的大脑在 25 岁之前仍然在发育。
05:44
that the human人的 brain脑 is still growing生长
until直到 at least最小 the age年龄 of 25.
94
332949
6234
这意味着你的思维方式
以及你所思考的事物
05:51
So that means手段 how you're thinking思维
and what you're thinking思维
95
339207
2802
在 25 岁之前都是不断变化的。
05:54
is still changing改变 up until直到 25.
96
342033
2326
05:57
And thirdly第三, and most最 importantly重要的
to my mind心神, is personality个性.
97
345034
3845
第三，对我来说最重要的是人格。
你在 20 岁时的人格
06:00
Your personality个性 at the age年龄 of 20
98
348903
2309
与 50 岁时的人格并不相关。
06:03
does not correlate关联 with
your personality个性 at the age年龄 of 50.
99
351236
3744
06:07
But your personality个性 at the age年龄 of 30
100
355004
2541
但是你在 30 岁时的人格
06:09
does correlate关联 with
your personality个性 at the age年龄 of 50.
101
357569
3416
与50 岁时的人格有关。
所以，当我问一个早婚的人
他们为什么分手，
06:13
So when I ask问 somebody谁
who got married已婚 young年轻 why they broke打破 up,
102
361009
3021
他们会说，“我们都变了。”
06:16
and they say, "We grew成长 apart距离,"
103
364054
1480
真是一语中的，
06:18
they're being存在 surprisingly出奇 accurate准确,
104
366629
1754
因为 20 多岁正是人们
迅速变化和成熟的十年。
06:20
because the 20s is a decade十
of rapid快速 change更改 and maturation成熟.
105
368407
4404
所以你在结婚前想做的
第一件事就是变老。
06:25
So the first thing you want to get
before you get married已婚 is older旧的.
106
373197
5752
06:30
(Laughter笑声)
107
378973
2089
（笑声）
第二。
06:34
Number数 two,
108
382218
1199
心理学家和关系研究员约翰 · 戈特曼
06:35
John约翰 Gottman高特曼, psychologist心理学家
and relationship关系 researcher研究员,
109
383998
4208
06:40
can tell us many许多 factors因素 that correlate关联
with a happy快乐, successful成功 marriage婚姻.
110
388230
5176
可以告诉我们许多与幸福和
成功的婚姻相关的因素。
06:46
But the one that I want to talk about
111
394853
1958
但我想谈的是个
很大的因素。
06:48
is a big大 one:
112
396835
1232
存在这个问题的婚姻中
有80%会破裂并走向终结。
06:50
81 percent百分 of marriages婚姻 implode爆,
self-destruct自我毁灭, if this problem问题 is present当下.
113
398091
6282
06:56
And the second第二 reason原因 why I want
to talk about it here
114
404397
2756
我想在这里谈论它，
是因为你在约会时就可以对它进行评估。
06:59
is because it's something
you can evaluate评估 while you're dating约会.
115
407177
3894
戈特曼发现，在那些最稳定和辛福的
07:03
Gottman高特曼 found发现 that the relationships关系
that were the most最 stable稳定 and happy快乐
116
411095
5874
07:08
over the longer长 term术语
117
416993
1202
长期关系中，
07:10
were relationships关系 in which哪一个
the couple一对 shared共享 power功率.
118
418219
3425
夫妻双方会共享权力。
07:14
They were influenceable可影响的:
119
422531
1954
他们相互影响：
在大决定的决定上，比如
买房子，出国旅行，买车，
07:18
big大 decisions决定, like buying购买 a house屋,
overseas海外 trips旅行, buying购买 a car汽车,
120
426854
4223
生孩子。
07:23
having有 children孩子.
121
431101
1421
07:24
But when Gottman高特曼
drilled钻 down on this data数据,
122
432959
2859
但是当戈特曼
深入研究这些数据时，
他发现女性通常
都是易受影响的。
07:27
what he found发现 was that women妇女
were generally通常 pretty漂亮 influenceable可影响的.
123
435842
5335
07:33
Guess猜测 where the problem问题 lay铺设?
124
441639
2129
猜猜问题在哪里？
07:35
(Laughter笑声)
125
443792
1023
（笑声）
没错，这里只有两个选择。
07:36
Yeah, there's only
two options选项 here, isn't there?
126
444839
2427
是的，责任在我们男人身上。
07:39
Yeah, we men男人 were to blame怪.
127
447290
1696
戈特曼发现的另一件事是，
07:42
The other thing that Gottman高特曼 found发现
128
450497
1730
愿意被影响的男人
07:44
is that men男人 who are influenceable可影响的
129
452251
4211
07:48
also也 tended往往 to be "outstanding优秀 fathers父亲."
130
456486
4418
也往往被认为是 “杰出的父亲。”
07:53
So women妇女: How influenceable可影响的 is your man?
131
461323
4887
那么女士们，你的男人
有多么愿意受你影响？
07:58
Men男人:
132
466987
1185
先生们：
你和她在一起，因为你尊重她。
08:03
you're with her because you respect尊重 her.
133
471038
2085
请确保你在做决定时
也会带着这样的尊重。
08:07
Make sure that respect尊重 plays播放 out
in the decision-making做决定 process处理.
134
475396
3631
第三。
08:14
Number数 three三.
135
482445
1736
我常常很好奇，为什么那些夫妻
08:19
I'm often经常 intrigued好奇 by
why couples情侣 come in to see me
136
487213
3328
在结婚了三四十年之后才来找我。
08:23
after they've他们已经 been married已婚
for 30 or 40 years年份.
137
491712
2696
08:26
This is a time when they're approaching接近
the infirmities软弱 and illness疾病 of old旧 age年龄.
138
494432
4943
在这段时期，他们正在经历
高龄带来的衰弱和疾病，
也正是在这段时期，
他们特别专注于彼此照顾。
08:31
It's a time when they're particularly尤其
focused重点 on caring爱心 for each每 other.
139
499399
4676
他们会原谅多年来困扰他们的事。
08:37
They'll他们会 forgive原谅 things
that have bugged窃听 them for years年份.
140
505376
2668
他们会原谅旧日的背叛甚至不忠，
08:40
They'll他们会 forgive原谅 all betrayals背叛,
even infidelities不忠,
141
508068
3571
08:43
because they're focused重点
on caring爱心 for each每 other.
142
511663
2361
因为他们专注于彼此关怀。
那么是什么把他们分开了呢？
08:46
So what pulls拉 them apart距离?
143
514048
1626
对此，我能想到的
最恰当的词是可靠性，
08:47
The best最好 word字 I have
for this is reliability可靠性,
144
515698
2748
08:50
or the lack缺乏 thereof其.
145
518470
1459
或缺乏可靠性。
你的伴侣支持你吗？
08:52
Does your partner伙伴 have your back?
146
520563
1871
支持有两种形式。
08:54
It takes two forms形式.
147
522458
1267
08:55
Firstly首先, can you rely依靠 on your partner伙伴
to do what they say they're going to do?
148
523749
5756
首先，你相信你的伴侣
会说到做到吗？
他们会坚持到底吗？
09:01
Do they follow跟随 through通过?
149
529529
1527
09:03
Secondly其次,
150
531706
1224
其次，
比如说，
09:06
if, for example例,
151
534356
1691
如果你出门在外被人用言辞羞辱，
09:08
you're out and you're being存在
verbally口头 attacked袭击 by somebody谁,
152
536071
2806
或者你患有一种
让你生活无法自理的疾病，
09:10
or you're suffering痛苦 from
a really disabling禁用 illness疾病,
153
538901
5122
你的伴侣是否会做出相应的行动，
09:16
does your partner伙伴 step步 up
and do what needs需求 to be doneDONE
154
544047
3876
让你感到被人照顾和保护？
09:19
to leave离开 you feeling感觉
cared照顾 for and protected保护?
155
547947
2733
这就是问题所在：
09:23
And here's这里的 the rub擦:
156
551497
1760
如果你已步入暮年，
09:25
if you're facing面对 old旧 age年龄,
157
553281
1925
而你的伴侣并没有做到这些——
09:27
and your partner伙伴
isn't doing that for you --
158
555230
2383
09:29
in fact事实, you're having有
to do that for them --
159
557637
2179
事实上，你反而不得不
为他们这样做——
而你们的关系已经脆弱不堪，
09:32
then in an already-fragile已经脆弱 relationship关系,
160
560523
3195
那么看上去脱离
这段关系对你来说更好。
09:35
it can look a bit位 like you might威力
be better off out of it rather宁 than in it.
161
563742
4938
硬刺，在重要的时候，
你的伴侣会陪着你吗？
09:41
So is your partner伙伴 there for you
when it really matters事项?
162
569834
6061
09:49
Not all the time, 80 percent百分 of the time,
163
577141
2476
我不是说所有的时间，80%的时间，
特别是在很重要的事情上。
09:51
but particularly尤其 if it's important重要 to you.
164
579641
2246
09:55
On your side侧, think carefully小心 before you
commit承诺 to do something for your partner伙伴.
165
583821
5609
对你来说，在你对伴侣做出承诺前要三思而行。
10:01
It is much better to commit承诺 to
as much as you can follow跟随 through通过
166
589454
4463
能够量力而行的做出承诺，相比
10:05
than to commit承诺 to more
sound-good-in-the-moment声音在瞬间良好
167
593941
2790
当时信誓旦旦，后来却让他们失望
10:08
and then let them down.
168
596755
1517
要好得多。
如果这对你的伴侣非常重要，
并且你已经做出了承诺，
10:14
And if it's really important重要
to your partner伙伴, and you commit承诺 to it,
169
602244
4002
10:18
make sure you move移动 hell地狱
and high高 water水 to follow跟随 through通过.
170
606270
3071
请确保你无论如何都要兑现诺言。
这些就是你可以审视的东西。
10:21
Now, these are things
that I'm saying话 you can look for.
171
609938
2685
不过别担心，这些也可以在现有的
10:24
Don't worry担心, these are also也
things that can be built内置
172
612647
2926
关系中建立。
10:27
in existing现有 relationships关系.
173
615597
1891
我认为，你可以做出的
10:32
I believe that the most最 important重要 decision决定
174
620282
3434
10:37
that you can make
175
625234
1554
最重要的决定
就是选择谁作为生活伴侣，
10:38
is who you choose选择 as a life partner伙伴,
176
626812
2699
选择谁作为孩子的另一个家长。
10:43
who you choose选择 as
the other parent亲 of your children孩子.
177
631068
2921
当然，浪漫不能少，
10:47
And of course课程, romance浪漫 has to be there.
178
635137
1870
浪漫是一件盛大，美丽
而又神奇的事情。
10:49
Romance浪漫 is a grand盛大 and beautiful美丽
and quirky诡诈的 thing.
179
637031
4195
但当我们做出生命中
最重要的决定时，
10:54
But we need to add加
to a romantic浪漫, loving爱心 heart心
180
642001
5417
10:59
an informed通知, thoughtful周到 mind心神,
181
647442
4146
还要怀有一颗浪漫的，充满爱的心，
11:03
as we make the most最 important重要
decision决定 of our life.
182
651612
2985
以及一个理解的，体贴周到的头脑。
11:06
Thank you.
183
654621
1192
谢谢大家。
（掌声）
11:07
(Applause掌声)
184
655837
3738
Reviewed by TED Translators Admin

▲Back to top

ABOUT THE SPEAKER
George Blair-West - Psychiatrist
Dr. George Blair-West is an author, researcher and doctor specializing in psychiatry.

Why you should listen

Dr. George Blair-West specializes in psychiatry in private practice in Brisbane, Australia. He sub-specializes in trauma and relationship/sex therapy. His abiding interest is distilling the latest psychotherapeutic research, honing these insights for impactful delivery through his clinical work, and then sharing them with the greater population.

In the 1990s, as a Senior Lecturer at the University of Queensland, Blair-West published widely on suicide and depression. Needing to lose weight himself, he then turned his focus to the overlooked research into the psychological forces that prevent weight loss. The bestselling book Weight Loss for Food Lovers: Understanding Our Minds and Why We Sabotage Our Weight Loss (translated into Dutch and Chinese) along with related research papers resulted in keynote addresses, a regular spot on the Australian breakfast show Today and media appearances around the world. A children's book on teaching healthy eating habits followed, and in 2010 Blair-West was named one of the "top 20 most influential obesity experts in the world."

Blair-West's 2013 novel The Way of The Quest received three international awards and was about the "how to" of finding one's meaning and purpose in life while building healthy relationships.

Helping people make sense of relationships is Blair-West's most important work. Drawing on his 25 years as a relationship therapist, he is currently writing his fourth book, How to Make the Biggest Decision of Your Life with his daughter Jiveny Blair-West, a dating coach. He and his wife Penny, a psychologist, celebrated 30 years of marriage in 2018.

More profile about the speaker
George Blair-West | Speaker | TED.com
THE ORIGINAL VIDEO ON TED.COM