TEDWomen 2019
Valorie Kondos Field: Why winning doesn't always equal success
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Valorie Kondos Field knows a lot about winning. As the longtime coach of the UCLA women's gymnastics team, she won championship after championship and has been widely acclaimed for her leadership. In this inspiring, brutally honest and, at times, gut-wrenching talk, she shares the secret to her success. Hint: it has nothing to do with "winning."
Valorie Kondos Field - Gymnastics coach
Valorie Kondos Field is the retired head coach of the seven-time NCAA Champion, 22-time Regional Champion and 18-time Pac 12 Champion UCLA Women's Gymnastics team. Full bio
Valorie Kondos Field is the retired head coach of the seven-time NCAA Champion, 22-time Regional Champion and 18-time Pac 12 Champion UCLA Women's Gymnastics team. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
OK, I have a question for all of us.
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You ready?
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Is all winning success?
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(Murmurs)
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Oh.
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(Laughter)
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Whoa. OK.
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I am the recently retired head coach
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of the UCLA Women's Gymnastics Team,
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a position that I held for 29 years.
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(Applause)
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Thank you.
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And during my tenure,
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I experienced a lot of winning.
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I led our team to seven
National Championships,
National Championships,
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I was inducted into
the UCLA Athletic Hall of Fame
the UCLA Athletic Hall of Fame
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and I was even voted
the Coach of the Century
the Coach of the Century
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by the Pac-12 Conference.
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(Applause)
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Winning is really, really,
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like, really, really fun.
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(Laughter)
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But I am here to share my insight:
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winning does not always equal success.
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All across America and around the world,
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we have a crisis
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in the win-at-all-cost cultures
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that we have created.
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In our schools,
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in our businesses, in politics,
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winning at all cost
has become acceptable.
has become acceptable.
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As a society,
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we honor the people
at the top of the pyramid.
at the top of the pyramid.
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We effusively applaud those people who win
championships and elections and awards.
championships and elections and awards.
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But sadly, quite often,
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those same people
are leaving their institutions
are leaving their institutions
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as damaged human beings.
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Sadly, with straight A's,
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kids are leaving school damaged.
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With awards and medals,
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athletes often leave their teams damaged,
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emotionally, mentally,
not just physically.
not just physically.
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And with huge profits, employees
often leave their companies damaged.
often leave their companies damaged.
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We have become so hyperfocused
on that end result,
on that end result,
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and when the end result is a win,
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the human component of how we got there
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often gets swept under the proverbial rug,
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and so does the damage.
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So I'm calling for a time-out.
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Time-out.
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We need to redefine success.
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Real success is developing
champions in life for our world,
champions in life for our world,
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win or lose.
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(Applause)
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Real success is developing
champions in life,
champions in life,
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not for your team,
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not for your business
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and, I'm sad to tell you, not even
for your Christmas card bragging rights.
for your Christmas card bragging rights.
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Sorry.
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So how do we do this?
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First of all, you may be able
to dictate your way to a win,
to dictate your way to a win,
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but you can't dictate your way to success.
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Let me take you back to 1990,
when I was first appointed the head coach
when I was first appointed the head coach
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of the UCLA Women's Gymnastics Team.
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And I would like to share with you
that I've never done gymnastics.
that I've never done gymnastics.
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I grew up in the world of ballet.
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I have never done a cartwheel,
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and I couldn't teach you
how to do a proper cartwheel.
how to do a proper cartwheel.
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(Laughter)
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It's sadly true.
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And I knew nothing about
how to develop a team culture.
how to develop a team culture.
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The best I could do was mimic
other coaches who had won.
other coaches who had won.
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And so I became tough-talking,
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tough-minded, relentless,
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unsympathetic,
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bullish, unempathetic
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and oftentimes downright mean.
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I acted like a head coach
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whose only thought
was to figure out how to win.
was to figure out how to win.
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My first few seasons as a head coach
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were abysmal,
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and after putting up with
my brash coaching style for a few years,
my brash coaching style for a few years,
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our team asked me for a team meeting.
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Well, I love team meetings,
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so I said, "Yay!
Let's have a team meeting."
Let's have a team meeting."
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And for two solid hours,
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they gave me examples of how my arrogance
was hurtful and demeaning.
was hurtful and demeaning.
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Yeah, not yay.
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They explained to me
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that they wanted to be supported,
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not belittled.
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They wanted to be
coached up, not torn down.
coached up, not torn down.
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They wanted to be motivated,
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not pressured or bullied.
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That was my time-out,
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and I chose to change.
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Being a dogmatic dictator
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may produce compliant,
good little soldiers,
good little soldiers,
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but it doesn't develop champions in life.
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It is so much easier, in any walk of life,
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to dictate and give orders
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than to actually figure out
how to motivate someone
how to motivate someone
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to want to be better.
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And the reason is -- we all know this --
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motivation takes a really long time
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to take root.
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But when it does,
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it is character-building
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and life-altering.
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I realized that I needed
to fortify our student-athletes
to fortify our student-athletes
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as whole human beings,
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not just athletes who won.
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So success for me shifted
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from only focusing on winning
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to developing my coaching philosophy,
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which is developing champions
in life through sport.
in life through sport.
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And I knew if I did this well enough,
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that champion mentality would translate
to the competition floor.
to the competition floor.
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And it did.
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The key ingredient was to develop trust
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through patience,
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respectful honesty
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and accountability --
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all of the ingredients
that go into tough love.
that go into tough love.
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Speaking of tough love,
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Katelyn Ohashi is
a perfect example of this.
a perfect example of this.
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You may have all seen her floor routine.
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It has had over 150 million views.
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And the consensus is,
her performance is pure joy.
her performance is pure joy.
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However, when Katelyn came to UCLA,
she was broken in body, mind and spirit.
she was broken in body, mind and spirit.
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She had grown up in a stereotypical,
very high-level athletic world,
very high-level athletic world,
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and she was damaged.
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So when Katelyn came
to UCLA her freshman year,
to UCLA her freshman year,
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she found her inner rebel quite well,
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to the point where she was
no longer able to do gymnastics
no longer able to do gymnastics
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at the level at which she was recruited.
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And I will never forget
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a team meeting we had
halfway through her freshman season.
halfway through her freshman season.
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We were in there with the team,
the coaching staff, the support staff,
the coaching staff, the support staff,
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sports psychologist,
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and Katelyn very clearly
and unapologetically said,
and unapologetically said,
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"I just don't want to be great again."
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I felt like I got sucker punched.
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My first thought was,
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"Then why the heck am I
going to honor your scholarship?"
going to honor your scholarship?"
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It was a really snarky thought,
and thankfully I didn't say it out loud,
and thankfully I didn't say it out loud,
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because then I had clarity.
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Katelyn didn't hate gymnastics.
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Katelyn hated everything
associated with being great.
associated with being great.
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Katelyn didn't want to be a winner,
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because winning at all cost
had cost her her joy.
had cost her her joy.
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My job was to figure out
how to motivate her
how to motivate her
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to want to be great again,
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by helping her redefine success.
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My enthusiasm for that challenge
turned into determination
turned into determination
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when one day Katelyn
looked me in the eye and said,
looked me in the eye and said,
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"Ms. Val, I just want you to know,
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everything you tell me to do,
I do the exact opposite."
I do the exact opposite."
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(Laughter)
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Yeah, it was like, yeah, Katelyn,
challenge accepted. OK.
challenge accepted. OK.
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(Laughter)
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And further proof that dictating
was not going to win.
was not going to win.
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So I embarked on
the painfully slow process
the painfully slow process
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of building trust
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and proving to her that first and foremost
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I cared about her as a whole human being.
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Part of my strategy was to only talk
to Katelyn about gymnastics in the gym.
to Katelyn about gymnastics in the gym.
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Outside of the gym,
we talked about everything else:
we talked about everything else:
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school, boys, families,
friends, hobbies.
friends, hobbies.
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I encouraged her to find things
outside of her sport that brought her joy.
outside of her sport that brought her joy.
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And it was so cool
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to see the process of Katelyn Ohashi
literally blossom before our eyes.
literally blossom before our eyes.
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And through that process,
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she rediscovered her self-love
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and self-worth.
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And slowly, she was able to bring that joy
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back to her gymnastics.
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She went on to earn
the NCAA title on floor,
the NCAA title on floor,
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and she helped our team win
our seventh NCAA championship in 2018.
our seventh NCAA championship in 2018.
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So --
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Thank you.
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(Applause)
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So let's think about
the Katelyn Ohashis in your life.
the Katelyn Ohashis in your life.
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Let's think about those people
under your care and your guidance.
under your care and your guidance.
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What are you telling your kids
on the car ride home?
on the car ride home?
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That car ride home
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has much more impact than you know.
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Are you focusing on the end result,
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or are you excited to use that time
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to help your child
develop into a champion?
develop into a champion?
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It's very simple:
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you will know you're focusing
on the end result
on the end result
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if you ask questions about the end result.
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"Did you win?"
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"How many points did you score?"
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"Did you get an A?"
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If you truly are motivated about helping
your child develop into a champion,
your child develop into a champion,
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you will ask questions
about the experience
about the experience
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and the process,
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like, "What did you learn today?"
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"Did you help a teammate?"
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And, my favorite question,
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"Did you figure out how to have fun
at working really, really hard?"
at working really, really hard?"
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And then the key is to be very still
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and listen to their response.
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I believe that one of the greatest gifts
we can give another human being
we can give another human being
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is to silence our minds
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from the need to be right
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or the need to formulate
the appropriate response
the appropriate response
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and truly listen
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when someone else is talking.
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And in silencing our minds,
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we actually hear our own fears
and inadequacies,
and inadequacies,
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which can help us formulate our response
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with more clarity and empathy.
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Kyla Ross, another one of our gymnasts,
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is one of the greatest gymnasts
in the history of the sport.
in the history of the sport.
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She's the only athlete
to have earned the trifecta:
to have earned the trifecta:
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she's a national champion,
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a world champion
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and an Olympic champion.
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She's also not one for small talk,
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so I was a bit surprised one day
when she came to my office,
when she came to my office,
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sat on the couch
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and just started talking --
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first about her major,
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then about graduate school
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and then about everything else
that seemed to pop into her mind.
that seemed to pop into her mind.
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My inner voice whispered to me
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that something was on her mind,
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and if I was still
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and gave her enough time,
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it would come out.
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And it did.
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It was the first time that Kyla
had shared with anyone
had shared with anyone
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that she had been
sexually abused by Larry Nassar,
sexually abused by Larry Nassar,
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the former USA Gymnastics team doctor,
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who was later convicted
of being a serial child molester.
of being a serial child molester.
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Kyla came forward
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and joined the army
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of Nassar survivors
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who shared their stories
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and used their voices
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to invoke positive change for our world.
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I felt it was extremely
important at that time
important at that time
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to provide a safe space
for Kyla and our team.
for Kyla and our team.
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And so I chose to talk about this
in a few team meetings.
in a few team meetings.
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Later that year, we won
the national championship,
the national championship,
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and after we did, Kyla came up to me
and shared with me the fact
and shared with me the fact
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that she felt one reason that we'd won
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was because we had addressed
the elephant in the room,
the elephant in the room,
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the tragedy that had
not only rocked the world
not only rocked the world
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but that had liberated the truths
and the memories in herself
and the memories in herself
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and in so many of her friends
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and her peers.
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As Kyla said,
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"Ms. Val, I literally felt myself
walk taller as the season went on,
walk taller as the season went on,
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and when I walked onto that
championship floor, I felt invincible."
championship floor, I felt invincible."
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Simply --
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(Applause)
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Simply because she had been heard.
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As parents, as coaches,
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as leaders,
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we can no longer lead from a place
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where winning is
our only metric of success,
our only metric of success,
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where our ego sits center stage,
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because it has been proven
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that that process produces
broken human beings.
broken human beings.
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And I emphatically know
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that it is absolutely possible
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to produce and train champions in life
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in every single walk of life
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without compromising the human spirit.
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(Applause)
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It starts with defining success
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for yourself and those under your care
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and then consistently
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self-examining whether your actions
are in alignment with your goals.
are in alignment with your goals.
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We are all coaches in some capacity.
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We all have a collective responsibility
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to develop champions
in life for our world.
in life for our world.
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That is what real success looks like,
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and in the world of athletics,
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that is what we call a win-win.
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Thank you.
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(Applause)
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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Valorie Kondos Field - Gymnastics coachValorie Kondos Field is the retired head coach of the seven-time NCAA Champion, 22-time Regional Champion and 18-time Pac 12 Champion UCLA Women's Gymnastics team.
Why you should listen
During Valorie Kondos Field's tenure she led her team to seven NCAA Championships, was voted NCAA Coach of the Year four times and was voted the PAC 12 Coach of the Century for her solid track record as a preeminent head coach. Affectionately known by her gymnasts as "Miss Val," due to her background in ballet, she was inducted into the UCLA Athletic Hall of Fame in 2010, an esteemed honor and one she shares with her husband, retired UCLA football coach Bobby Field.
Kondos Field's reputation is only one reason that 46 former US national gymnastics team members came through her program and why half of the last two Olympic teams committed to UCLA. Her coaching success is due to her extraordinary mentorship of young student-athletes and to the way she used gymnastics as an avenue through which to teach valuable life lessons, while also encouraging individuality and joy.
Valorie Kondos Field | Speaker | TED.com