TED2019
Hannah Gadsby: Three ideas. Three contradictions. Or not.
汉纳·盖茨比: 三个观点，三个矛盾。（或许不是三个）
Filmed:
Readability: 3.3
2,402,838 views
汉纳·盖茨比开创性的脱口秀“娜娜”冲破了喜剧秀模式。在演讲中，她用三个观点，三个矛盾（或许不是三个）来分享了事实真相和创办脱口秀的目的。
Hannah Gadsby - Serious comedian
Hannah Gadsby skewers the straight world's dismissal and outright hostility toward the LGBTQ community in her stand-up sets, stage performances and television shows. Full bio
Hannah Gadsby skewers the straight world's dismissal and outright hostility toward the LGBTQ community in her stand-up sets, stage performances and television shows. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
My name is Hannah.
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我的名字叫汉纳 (Hannah)
00:14
And that is a palindrome.
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这是一个回文名字。
00:17
That is a word you can spell
the same forwards and backwards,
the same forwards and backwards,
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这个名字，
你正读反读都一样。
你正读反读都一样。
00:23
if you can spell.
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如果你会拼写的话。
00:25
But the thing is --
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但问题是---
00:26
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
00:29
my entire family have palindromic names.
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我全家人的名字都是回文。
00:31
It's a bit of a tradition.
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是我们家的一个传统。
00:33
We've got Mum, Dad --
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像妈妈，爸爸--
00:36
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
00:38
Nan, Pop.
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奶奶， 爷爷
00:40
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
00:43
And my brother, Kayak.
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还有我哥哥，卡亚克 (Kayak)
00:45
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
00:47
There you go.
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还不错吧。
00:48
That's just a bit a joke, there.
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先开个玩笑。
00:50
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
00:51
I like to kick things off with a joke
because I'm a comedian.
because I'm a comedian.
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我喜欢用玩笑作开场白，
因为我是喜剧演员。
因为我是喜剧演员。
00:55
Now there's two things
you know about me already:
you know about me already:
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现在你对我已经有两点了解：
00:57
my name's Hannah and I'm a comedian.
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我的名字叫汉纳
并且我是喜剧演员。
并且我是喜剧演员。
00:59
I'm wasting no time.
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我就不浪费时间了。
01:00
Here's a third thing
you can know about me:
you can know about me:
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接下来说我的第三点：
01:03
I don't think I'm qualified
to speak my own mind.
to speak my own mind.
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我觉得我没有资格
来讲我的想法。
来讲我的想法。
01:07
Bold way to begin a talk, yes,
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用这种方式开始演讲很冒险
是的。
是的。
01:10
but it's true.
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但这是实话。
01:11
I've always had a great deal of difficulty
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我总是觉得我很难以
01:14
turning my thinking into the talking.
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用语言来表达我的思想。
01:17
So it seems a bit
of a contradiction, then,
of a contradiction, then,
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所以就有点矛盾，
01:19
that someone like me,
who is so bad at the chat,
who is so bad at the chat,
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像我这样的人，
不擅长聊天
不擅长聊天
01:22
could be something like
a stand-up comedian.
a stand-up comedian.
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却成了一个单口喜剧演员。
01:25
But there you go. There you go.
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但就这样，
就这样。
就这样。
01:27
It's what it is.
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事实如此。
01:28
I first tried my hand at stand-up
comedi -- comedie ... See?
comedi -- comedie ... See?
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我第一次做单口喜...喜剧，
你看？
你看？
01:33
See? See?
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我口误了吧？你看！
01:34
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
01:37
I first tried my hand at stand-up comedy
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我第一次做
单口喜剧表演的时候
单口喜剧表演的时候
01:40
in my late 20s,
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才二十几岁。
01:41
and despite being a pathologically shy
virtual mute with low self-esteem
virtual mute with low self-esteem
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尽管我那时病态地害羞，
几乎沉默无语, 极度自卑
几乎沉默无语, 极度自卑
01:46
who'd never held a microphone before,
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并且从未拿过麦克风讲话，
01:48
I knew as soon as I walked
and stood in front of the audience,
and stood in front of the audience,
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我一走过去，站在观众面前，
我就知道，
我就知道，
01:53
I knew, before I'd even
landed my first joke,
landed my first joke,
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我还没讲第一个笑话，
我就知道，
我就知道，
01:56
I knew that I really liked stand-up,
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我知道我真的
喜欢单口喜剧。
喜欢单口喜剧。
01:59
and stand-up really liked me.
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单口喜剧也特别喜欢我。
02:02
But for the life of me,
I couldn't work out why.
I couldn't work out why.
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可是无论如何
我也想不出为什么。
我也想不出为什么。
02:05
Why is it I could be so good
at doing something I was so bad at?
at doing something I was so bad at?
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为什么我会擅长一件
我这么不擅长的事情。
我这么不擅长的事情。
02:10
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
02:12
I just couldn't work it out,
I could not understand it.
I could not understand it.
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我就是想不明白，
也不能理解。
也不能理解。
02:15
That is, until I could.
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后来
我才想明白。
我才想明白。
02:17
Now, before I explain to you why it is
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现在，我先不解释
02:19
that I can be good
at something I'm so bad at,
at something I'm so bad at,
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我会擅长一件
我这么不擅长的事情。
我这么不擅长的事情。
02:23
let me throw another spanner
of contradiction into the work
of contradiction into the work
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让我再讲一个我工作中
自相矛盾的事情。
自相矛盾的事情。
02:26
by telling you that not long after
I worked out why that was,
I worked out why that was,
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想告诉你们的是，
我一想出答案不久，
我一想出答案不久，
02:30
I decided to quit comedy.
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我就决定不做喜剧了。
02:33
And before I explain
that little oppositional cat
that little oppositional cat
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但是在我给你们这些
爱思考的听众
爱思考的听众
02:35
I just threw amongst the thinking pigeons,
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解释这个自相矛盾之前，
02:38
let me also tell you this:
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让我来告诉你：
02:41
quitting launched my comedy career.
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离开喜剧才让我真正开始
我的喜剧事业。
我的喜剧事业。
02:43
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
02:45
Like, really launched it, to the point
where after quitting comedy,
where after quitting comedy,
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真的，真正开始，
是在我离开喜剧之后。
是在我离开喜剧之后。
02:50
I became the most talked-about
comedian on the planet,
comedian on the planet,
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我成了全球
最热点的喜剧演员，
最热点的喜剧演员，
02:52
because apparently, I'm even worse
at making retirement plans
at making retirement plans
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显然，相比较于语言
来表达我的思想，
来表达我的思想，
我更不擅长
作退休的准备。
作退休的准备。
02:56
than I am at speaking my own mind.
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03:00
Now, all I've done up until this point
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那么，到目前为止，
我所做的，
我所做的，
03:04
apart from giving over a spattering
of biographical detail
of biographical detail
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除了给你们讲我这些
零零碎碎的生平，
零零碎碎的生平，
03:08
is to tell you indirectly
that I have three ideas
that I have three ideas
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就是含蓄地告诉你们
我有三个想法，
我有三个想法，
03:10
that I want to share with you today.
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是我想要跟你们分享的。
03:12
And I've done that by way of sharing
three contradictions:
three contradictions:
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而我是用三个自相矛盾的例子
来告诉你们的。
来告诉你们的。
03:15
one, I am bad at talking,
I am good at talking;
I am good at talking;
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第一，我不擅长讲话，
而我又很擅长讲话。
而我又很擅长讲话。
03:18
I quit, I did not quit.
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我离开喜剧，
但是我其实没有离开。
但是我其实没有离开。
03:21
Three ideas, three contradictions.
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三个想法，三个自相矛盾。
03:23
Now, if you're wondering
why there's only two things
why there's only two things
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现在，如果你们在想着，
为什么只有两件事。
为什么只有两件事。
03:26
on my so-called list of three --
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我刚才不是说三件吗。
03:27
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
03:28
I remind you it is literally
a list of contradictions.
a list of contradictions.
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我提醒你一下，
这就是一系列的自相矛盾。
这就是一系列的自相矛盾。
03:31
Keep up.
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继续。
03:32
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
03:34
Now, the folks at TED advised me
that with a talk of this length,
that with a talk of this length,
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TED的工作人员建议我
由于时间关系，
由于时间关系，
03:39
it's best to stick
with just sharing one idea.
with just sharing one idea.
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我最好只专注讲一件事情。
03:42
I said no.
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我说，不。
03:44
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
03:47
What would they know?
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他们怎么能懂呢。
03:49
To explain why I have chosen to ignore
what is clearly very good advice,
what is clearly very good advice,
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要想解释我为什么会
不听这么好的建议，
不听这么好的建议，
03:54
I want to take you back
to the beginning of this talk,
to the beginning of this talk,
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我得跟你们
从最开始的那个笑话说起。
从最开始的那个笑话说起。
03:57
specifically, my palindrome joke.
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具体就是那个
回文名字的笑话。
回文名字的笑话。
03:59
Now that joke uses my favorite trick
of the comedian trade,
of the comedian trade,
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那个笑话用的
是我最喜欢的喜剧技巧：
是我最喜欢的喜剧技巧：
04:03
the rule of three,
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三法则。
04:04
whereby you make a statement
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也就是说，
你先作一个陈述，
你先作一个陈述，
04:05
and then back that statement up
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然后用一连串的陈述
04:07
with a list.
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来印证它。
04:08
My entire family have palindromic names:
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我所有的家人
都有回文名字：
都有回文名字：
04:11
Mum, Dad, Nan, Pop.
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妈妈，爸爸，奶奶，爷爷。
04:14
The first two ideas on that list
create a pattern,
create a pattern,
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这两个陈述就为这个系列
提供了一个模式，
提供了一个模式，
04:18
and that pattern creates expectation.
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这个模式就能让人产生期待。
04:20
And then the third thing -- bam! --
Kayak. What?
Kayak. What?
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接下来，第三个陈述- “哐”
卡亚克 （Kayak） ，啊？
卡亚克 （Kayak） ，啊？
04:23
That's the rule of three.
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这就是三法则。
04:24
One, two, surprise! Ha ha.
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一，二，然后是抖包袱！ 哈，哈。
04:27
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
04:32
Now, the rule of three is not only
fundamental to the way I do my craft,
fundamental to the way I do my craft,
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三法则不但是我
写稿子的基本原则，
写稿子的基本原则，
04:37
it is also fundamental
to the way I communicate.
to the way I communicate.
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它也是我交流的
基本方式。
基本方式。
04:40
So I won't be changing
anything for nobody,
anything for nobody,
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我不会为任何人，任何事
来做出改变，
来做出改变，
04:43
not even TED,
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即便是TED.
04:44
which, I will point out,
stands for three ideas:
stands for three ideas:
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其实它也是代表了
三个观点：
三个观点：
04:47
technology, entertainment
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（T）科技， （E）娱乐
04:49
and dickheads.
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还有 （D）蠢货
04:50
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
04:53
Works every time, doesn't it?
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每次都有效，是吧！
04:57
But you need more than just jokes
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但是作为一个
专业喜剧演员
专业喜剧演员
04:59
to be able to cut it
as a professional comedian.
as a professional comedian.
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你不仅需要笑话。
05:02
You need to be able to walk
that fine line between being charming
that fine line between being charming
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你还需要在舞台魅力
和释放善意之间
和释放善意之间
05:06
and disarming.
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寻找平衡点。
05:07
And I discovered the most effective way
to generate the amount of charm I needed
to generate the amount of charm I needed
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我就发现为了达到最好的
舞台效果，最有效的
舞台效果，最有效的
05:13
to offset my disarming personality
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释放善意的方法
05:17
was through not jokes but stories.
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不是讲笑话，
而是讲我的故事。
而是讲我的故事。
05:19
So my stand-up routines
are filled with stories:
are filled with stories:
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所以我在单口喜剧秀里，
都是在讲故事。
都是在讲故事。
05:22
stories about growing up,
my coming out story,
my coming out story,
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关于我成长的故事
我出柜的故事
我出柜的故事
05:24
stories about the abuse I've copped
for being not only a woman
for being not only a woman
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我被霸凌的故事，
不仅因为我是一个女人，
不仅因为我是一个女人，
05:27
but a big woman
and a masculine-of-center woman.
and a masculine-of-center woman.
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而且是体型很大的女人
一个充满阳刚气的女人。
一个充满阳刚气的女人。
05:31
If you watch my work online,
check the comments out below
check the comments out below
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如果你在网上看我的表演，
看看下面的评论，
看看下面的评论，
05:34
for examples of abuse.
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就知道什么是霸凌。
05:37
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
05:39
It's that time in the talk
where I shift into second gear,
where I shift into second gear,
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通常在这个时候
我就会开始提速了。
我就会开始提速了。
05:42
and I'm going to tell you a story
about everything I've just said.
about everything I've just said.
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我会用一个故事来告诉你
我刚才所说的一切。
我刚才所说的一切。
05:46
In the last few days of her life,
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在我奶奶生命的最后几天，
05:49
my grandma was surrounded by people,
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她身边围满了人，
05:52
a lot of people,
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很多人。
05:53
because my grandma
was the loving matriarch
was the loving matriarch
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因为奶奶是我们这个
相亲相爱的
相亲相爱的
05:56
of a large and loving family.
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大家族的慈爱的族长。
05:59
Now, if you haven't made
the connection already,
the connection already,
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如果现在你还没弄清楚
这里的关系，
这里的关系，
06:01
I am a member of that family.
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跟你说，我是这个家族
的一员。
的一员。
06:03
I was lucky enough to be able
to say goodbye to my grandma
to say goodbye to my grandma
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我很幸运能有机会
与祖母道别
与祖母道别
06:06
on the day she died.
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就在她临终的那一天。
06:08
But as she was already
cocooned within herself by then,
cocooned within herself by then,
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但那时她已经
蜷缩在她自己的世界里，
蜷缩在她自己的世界里，
06:11
it was something of a one-sided goodbye.
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所以这个道别
其实是单向的。
其实是单向的。
06:15
So I thought about a lot of things,
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我想了很多事情，
06:18
things I hadn't thought about
in a long time,
in a long time,
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那些我很久都
没有想过的事情。
没有想过的事情。
06:21
like the letters I used
to write to my grandma
to write to my grandma
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我过去常常给奶奶写信，
06:23
when I first started university,
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那是在我刚上大学的时候。
06:25
letters I filled with funny
stories and anecdotes
stories and anecdotes
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信里写了很多好笑的
轶闻趣事，
轶闻趣事，
06:28
that I embellished for her amusement.
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我就是为了博她一笑。
06:31
And I remembered how I couldn't articulate
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我还记起，
我无法启齿
我无法启齿
06:33
the anxiety and fear that filled me
as I tried to carve my tiny little life
as I tried to carve my tiny little life
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我心中的焦虑和恐惧，
面对着过于庞大的世界，
面对着过于庞大的世界，
06:39
into a world that felt far too big for me.
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我不知如何安放自己
渺小的生命。
渺小的生命。
06:43
But I remembered finding
comfort in those letters,
comfort in those letters,
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但是我记得这些信
带给我的慰藉，
带给我的慰藉，
06:46
because I wrote them
with my grandma in mind.
with my grandma in mind.
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因为写信的时候
我心里想着奶奶。
我心里想着奶奶。
06:50
But as the world got
more and more overwhelming
more and more overwhelming
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但是当这个世界
越来越让人窒息，
越来越让人窒息，
06:52
and my ability to negotiate it
got worse, not better,
got worse, not better,
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而我应对它的能力
没有提高，而是更糟的时候，
没有提高，而是更糟的时候，
06:56
I stopped writing those letters.
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我便不再写信了。
07:00
I just didn't think I had the life
that Grandma would want to read about.
that Grandma would want to read about.
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我只是觉得我那时的生活，
没有什么可以讲给奶奶听的。
没有什么可以讲给奶奶听的。
07:06
Grandma did not know I was gay,
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奶奶不知道我是同性恋，
07:08
and about six months before she died,
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而她去世的半年前，
07:10
out of nowhere, she asked me
if I had a boyfriend.
if I had a boyfriend.
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她无缘无故地问我
有没有男朋友。
有没有男朋友。
07:14
Now, I remember making
a conscious decision in that moment
a conscious decision in that moment
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现在我还记得，
当时做了一个清醒的决定，
当时做了一个清醒的决定，
07:17
not to come out to my grandmother.
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就是不在她面前出柜。
07:20
And I did that because I knew her life
was drawing to an end,
was drawing to an end,
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之所以那么做，是我觉得
她的生命已经到了尽头，
她的生命已经到了尽头，
07:24
and my time with her was finite,
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而我与她共处的时光有限，
07:25
and I did not want to talk about
the ways we were different.
the ways we were different.
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我就不想跟她讨论
我们之间的不同。
我们之间的不同。
07:28
I wanted to talk about
the ways were we connected.
the ways were we connected.
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我那时只想跟她谈那些，
我们可以交谈的东西，
我们可以交谈的东西，
07:32
So I changed the subject.
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于是我就转移了话题。
07:35
And at the time, it felt
like the right decision.
like the right decision.
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在当时，我觉得那是个
正确的决定。
正确的决定。
07:38
But as I sat witness
to my grandmother's life
to my grandmother's life
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但是当我坐在她身旁，
目睹着她的生命
目睹着她的生命
07:41
as it tapered to its inevitable end,
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渐渐地消失在
无可避免的尽头，
无可避免的尽头，
07:43
I couldn't help but feel
I'd made a mistake
I'd made a mistake
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我不禁感到，
我犯了一个错误，
我犯了一个错误，
07:46
not to share such a significant
part of my life.
part of my life.
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因为我没能跟她分享
我生命中最重要的一部分。
我生命中最重要的一部分。
07:51
But I also knew that
I'd missed my opportunity,
I'd missed my opportunity,
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但是我也知道，
我已经没有机会了。
我已经没有机会了。
07:55
and as Grandma always used to say,
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2073
就如同奶奶常说的，
07:57
"Ah, well, it's all part of the soup.
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“嗯，现在都已经炖在汤里了，
07:59
Too late to take the onions out now."
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想把洋葱捞上来是不可能的。”
08:02
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
08:04
And I thought about that,
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我想到了那些事，
08:05
and I thought about how
I had to deal with too many onions
I had to deal with too many onions
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想到了我还是个孩子的时候，
我不得不面对
我不得不面对
08:09
as a kid,
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太多的”洋葱“
08:11
growing up gay in a state
where homosexuality was illegal.
where homosexuality was illegal.
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同性恋的我，成长在一个
把同性恋视为非法的州里。
把同性恋视为非法的州里。
08:16
And with that thought,
I could see how tightly wrapped
I could see how tightly wrapped
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想到那些，我就能看到
自己如何紧紧地
自己如何紧紧地
08:19
in the tendrils of my own
internalized shame I was.
internalized shame I was.
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把自己包裹在内心的
耻辱里，
耻辱里，
08:22
And with that, I thought
about all my traumas:
about all my traumas:
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想到那些，我记起了我
所有的心灵创伤，
所有的心灵创伤，
08:25
the violence, the abuse, my rape.
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那些暴力，虐待 和强暴。
08:32
And with all that cluster of thinking,
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伴随着
这一系列的记忆和思考，
这一系列的记忆和思考，
08:34
a thought, a question,
kept popping into my mind
kept popping into my mind
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我的脑海里浮现出
这样一个思考和问题，
这样一个思考和问题，
08:37
to which I had no answer:
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一个我还没有答案的问题：
08:39
What is the purpose of my human?
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作为一个人，我生命的意义是什么？
08:43
Out of anyone in my family,
I felt the most akin to my grandmother.
I felt the most akin to my grandmother.
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在我的家庭里，
我跟奶奶是最像的。
我跟奶奶是最像的。
08:48
I mean, we share the most
traits in common.
traits in common.
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我是说，我们有太多相似的地方。
08:51
Not so much these days.
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这些天有所改变了。
08:52
Death really changes people.
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死亡真是太能改变一个人了。
08:54
But that --
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但是，那就是
08:55
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
08:56
is my grandmother's sense of humor.
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2336
那就是我奶奶的幽默感。
08:59
But the person I felt
most akin to in the world
most akin to in the world
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但是在这个世界上
我最亲近的人
我最亲近的人
09:01
was a mother, a grandmother,
a great-grandmother,
a great-grandmother,
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是母亲，祖母，曾祖母，
09:04
a great-great-grandmother.
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1414
曾曾祖母。
09:05
Me? I represented the very end
of my branch of the family tree.
of my branch of the family tree.
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我呢？我家族的这棵大树，
在我这里终结。
在我这里终结。
09:10
And I wasn't entirely sure
I was still connected to the trunk.
I was still connected to the trunk.
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我都不确定我是否
跟这棵树还连在一起。
跟这棵树还连在一起。
09:14
What was the purpose of my human?
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那我生命的意义是什么呢？
09:17
The year after my grandmother's death
was the most intensely creative
was the most intensely creative
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4842
我祖母去世之后的一年，
是我有生以来
是我有生以来
09:22
of my life.
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1160
创作最活跃的一年。
09:24
And I suppose that's because,
at an end, my thoughts gather
at an end, my thoughts gather
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我想那是因为，终于，
我可以把思绪聚拢起来，
我可以把思绪聚拢起来，
09:27
more than they scatter.
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1457
而不像过去那样
散落一地。
散落一地。
09:29
My thought process is not linear.
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我的思维过程不是线性的，
09:31
I'm a visual thinker. I see my thoughts.
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2515
我是一个视觉思考者。
我可以看到我的思想。
我可以看到我的思想。
09:34
I don't have a photographic memory,
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1759
我没有那种图片式的记忆，
09:36
and nor is my head a static gallery
of sensibly collected think pieces.
of sensibly collected think pieces.
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我的头脑也不是一个静态的画廊，
能理性地收藏各种思绪的片段。
能理性地收藏各种思绪的片段。
09:42
It's more that I've got this ever-evolving
language of hieroglyphics
language of hieroglyphics
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4963
它更像是不断累计的
象形文字。
象形文字。
09:47
that I've developed
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1153
我自己创造了这些文字，
09:48
and can understand fluently
and think deeply with.
and think deeply with.
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3708
并且可以轻松地理解和
用来做深度思考，
用来做深度思考，
09:51
but I struggle to translate.
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1773
但是我无法翻译这些象形文字。
09:54
I can't paint, draw, sculpt,
or even haberdash,
or even haberdash,
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3320
我不会油画，素描，雕塑
我甚至不会搭配衣服。
我甚至不会搭配衣服。
09:57
and as for the written word,
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而对于书面文字
10:00
I'm OK at it but it's a tortuous
process of translation,
process of translation,
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5186
我还可以但是这个
翻译过程太折磨人了。
翻译过程太折磨人了。
10:05
and I don't feel it does the job.
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2765
而且我总觉得词不达意。
10:08
And as far as speaking my own mind,
like I said, I'm not great at it.
like I said, I'm not great at it.
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所以就像我说的，
我不擅长表达自己的思想。
我不擅长表达自己的思想。
10:12
Speech has always felt
like an inadequate freeze-frame
like an inadequate freeze-frame
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3176
总是觉得语言对于
我内心的表达
我内心的表达
10:16
for the life inside of me.
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如同错误定格的照片。
10:18
All this to say,
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总而言之，
10:20
I've always understood far more
than I've ever been able to communicate.
than I've ever been able to communicate.
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4910
我思考的深度远远
胜过我的表达能力。
胜过我的表达能力。
10:25
Now, about a year before Grandma died,
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2085
在我奶奶去世一年前，
10:28
I was formally diagnosed with autism.
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3042
我被正式诊断患有自闭症。
10:31
Now for me, that was mostly good news.
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2111
这对于现在的我，差不多
算是一个好消息。
算是一个好消息。
10:34
I always thought that I couldn't
sort my life out like a normal person
sort my life out like a normal person
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4743
我总是觉得我无法像正常人一样
理清我的生活，
理清我的生活，
10:39
because I was depressed and anxious.
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627015
2646
因为我总是抑郁和焦虑。
10:41
But it turns out
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1454
但事实是，
10:43
I was depressed and anxious
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1573
我的抑郁和焦虑
10:44
because I couldn't sort my life out
like a normal person,
like a normal person,
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3295
是由于我无法像正常人一样，
理清我的生活，
理清我的生活，
10:48
because I was not a normal person,
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2337
因为我就不是一个“正常”的人。
10:50
and I didn't know it.
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1739
可我那时并不知道。
10:52
Now, this is not to say
I still don't struggle.
I still don't struggle.
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2209
现在，并不是说，
我不再挣扎了。
我不再挣扎了。
10:54
Every day is a bit of a struggle,
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1704
每一天还是会挣扎，
10:56
to be honest.
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1159
坦白讲。
10:57
But at least now I know
what my struggle is,
what my struggle is,
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3018
但少现在我知道
我为什么挣扎。
我为什么挣扎。
11:00
and getting to the starting line
of normal is not it.
of normal is not it.
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3454
我并不是要挣扎着
成为一个“正常”的人
成为一个“正常”的人
11:03
My struggle is not to escape the storm.
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2640
我的挣扎并不是
逃离风暴，
逃离风暴，
11:06
My struggle is to find the eye
of the storm as best I can.
of the storm as best I can.
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5003
我的挣扎是尽我的能力，
找到风暴眼。
找到风暴眼。
11:11
Now, apart from the usual way
us spectrum types find our calm --
us spectrum types find our calm --
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659558
4756
我除了使用通常的方法
找到心灵的宁静--
找到心灵的宁静--
11:16
repetitive behaviors, routine
and obsessive thinking --
and obsessive thinking --
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3922
比如强迫行为，习惯性的
强迫思维--
强迫思维--
11:20
I have another surprising doorway
into the eye of the storm:
into the eye of the storm:
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5461
我惊讶地发现了另一个
通往风暴眼的途径：
通往风暴眼的途径：
11:26
stand-up comedy.
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674574
1736
单人喜剧表演。
11:28
And if you need any more proof
I'm neurodivergent, yes,
I'm neurodivergent, yes,
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3629
如果你需要更多证据的话，
没错，我是神经多样性的，
没错，我是神经多样性的，
11:31
I am calm doing a thing
that scares the hell out of most people.
that scares the hell out of most people.
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4941
有些事能把多数人吓得要死，
我却能镇定自若，
我却能镇定自若，
11:36
I'm almost dead inside up here.
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2273
因为我本来就心如死水。
11:39
(Laughter)
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3799
（笑声）
11:43
Diagnosis gave me a framework
on which to hang bits of me
on which to hang bits of me
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3904
这个诊断给了我一个空间，
可以归置那些，
可以归置那些，
11:47
I could never understand.
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1488
自己都不能理解的东西。
11:48
My misfit suddenly had a fit,
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696512
2141
我的格格不入
忽然有了安放之地。
忽然有了安放之地。
11:50
and for a while, I got giddy
with a newfound confidence
with a newfound confidence
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2701
有一段时间，这刚刚找到
的思考的自信
的思考的自信
11:53
I had in my thinking.
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2018
让我兴奋不已。
11:55
But after Grandma died,
that confidence took a dive,
that confidence took a dive,
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3135
但是奶奶过世后
这份自信跌入谷底，
这份自信跌入谷底，
11:59
because thinking is how I grieve.
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3471
因为我哀悼她的方式
就是思考。
就是思考。
12:03
And in that grief of thought,
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1700
而在这哀伤的思考中，
12:04
I could suddenly see with so much clarity
247
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3089
我忽然清晰地认识到
12:07
just how profoundly isolated I was
and always had been.
and always had been.
248
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4833
我一直以来是多么地
与世隔绝。
与世隔绝。
12:14
What was the purpose of my human?
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3573
那么我生命的意义是什么呢？
12:18
I began to think a lot about how autism
and PTSD have so much in common.
and PTSD have so much in common.
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726644
6051
我开始思考很多
自闭症和PTSD（心理创伤）的相似之处。
自闭症和PTSD（心理创伤）的相似之处。
12:24
And I started to worry,
251
732719
1638
我开始担心，
12:26
because I had both.
252
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1732
因为我受这两种病症的困扰。
12:28
Could I ever untangle them?
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3195
我能最终得到解脱吗？
12:32
I'd always been told
that the way out of trauma
that the way out of trauma
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2402
我总是听说，
走出创伤的途径
走出创伤的途径
12:34
was through a cohesive narrative.
255
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2618
是通过连贯的叙述。
12:37
I had a cohesive narrative,
256
745567
2597
我有过连贯的叙述，
12:40
but I was still at the mercy
of my traumas.
of my traumas.
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748188
2347
但是我还是饱受
创伤之苦。
创伤之苦。
12:43
They're all part of my soup,
but the onions still stung.
but the onions still stung.
258
751301
3843
它们已经融入汤里，
但是洋葱还是辣的。
但是洋葱还是辣的。
12:47
And at that point, I realized
259
755168
2504
那个时候，我意识到
12:49
that I'd been telling
my stories for laughs.
my stories for laughs.
260
757696
2696
我讲述故事的时候
只是为了娱乐效果。
只是为了娱乐效果。
12:52
I'd been trimming away the darkness,
cutting away the pain
cutting away the pain
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760416
2838
我修剪掉了黑暗的部分，
切掉了痛苦，
切掉了痛苦，
12:55
and holding on to my trauma
for the comfort of my audience.
for the comfort of my audience.
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4068
我呈现给观众的创伤，
只为取悦他们。
只为取悦他们。
13:00
I was connecting
other people through laughs,
other people through laughs,
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768021
2393
我是想通过笑声
与其他人建立联系。
与其他人建立联系。
13:02
yet I remained profoundly disconnected.
264
770438
3263
但是内心深处，
我与人深深地隔绝。
我与人深深地隔绝。
13:05
What was the purpose of my human?
265
773725
3146
那么我生命的意义何在呢？
13:08
I did not have an answer,
266
776895
1738
我那时没有一个答案。
13:10
but I had an idea.
267
778657
1945
但是我有了一个想法。
13:12
I had an idea to tell my truth,
268
780626
2326
我想出办法来讲出
故事真相，
故事真相，
13:16
all of it,
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1715
毫无保留的真相。
13:17
not to share laughs but to share
the literal, visceral pain of my trauma.
the literal, visceral pain of my trauma.
270
785771
5230
不是为了取悦观众，
而是分享我真实的，切肤的创伤。
而是分享我真实的，切肤的创伤。
13:23
And I thought the best way to do that
would be through a comedy show.
would be through a comedy show.
271
791025
3307
我觉得最好的方式
就是通过喜剧表演。
就是通过喜剧表演。
13:26
And that is what I did.
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794356
1847
于是我就这么做了。
13:28
I wrote a comedy show
that did not respect the punchline,
that did not respect the punchline,
273
796227
3736
我在创作的时候
没有遵循击中笑点的模式，
没有遵循击中笑点的模式，
13:31
that line where comedians are expected
and trusted to pull their punches
and trusted to pull their punches
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799987
3700
那种喜剧演员常用的方式，
来抖出他们的包袱，
来抖出他们的包袱，
13:35
and turn them into tickles.
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803711
1555
让观众发笑。
13:37
I did not stop.
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我没有到此为止。
13:38
I punched through that line
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我击穿了这个笑点，
13:40
into the metaphorical guts of my audience.
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就如同击中观众的肺腑。
13:43
I did not want to make them laugh.
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我不想让他们发笑，
13:46
I wanted to take their breath away,
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我想让他们感到窒息，
13:49
to shock them,
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让他们震惊。
13:50
so they could listen to my story
and hold my pain
and hold my pain
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这样他们才能聆听
我的故事，碰触我的痛。
我的故事，碰触我的痛。
13:54
as individuals, not
as a mindless, laughing mob.
as a mindless, laughing mob.
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是作为一个人，而不是一群
没心没肺傻笑的观众。
没心没肺傻笑的观众。
13:58
And that's what I did,
and I called that show "Nanette."
and I called that show "Nanette."
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这就是我所做的，
我把那场演出叫做“娜娜”
我把那场演出叫做“娜娜”
14:02
Now, many --
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现在， 很多--
14:03
(Applause)
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（掌声）
14:09
Now, many have argued
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现在，很多人在争论，
14:11
that "Nanette" is not a comedy show.
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2581
说“娜娜”不是喜剧秀。
14:14
And while I can agree "Nanette"
is definitely not a comedy show,
is definitely not a comedy show,
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尽管我认同“娜娜”
绝对不是喜剧秀，
绝对不是喜剧秀，
14:19
those people are still wrong --
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这些人还是错了--
14:20
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
14:22
because they have framed their argument
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因为他们的争论
局限在
局限在
14:24
as a way of saying I failed to do comedy.
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我的喜剧秀是否失败了。
14:28
I did not fail to do comedy.
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我的喜剧秀没有失败。
14:32
I took everything I knew about comedy --
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我用我对喜剧所有的知识 --
14:35
all the tricks, the tools, the know-how --
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所有的技巧，工具和步骤--
14:38
I took all that, and with it,
I broke comedy.
I broke comedy.
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我运用了所有这些，
并把它们作为武器，冲破了喜剧。
并把它们作为武器，冲破了喜剧。
14:42
You cannot break comedy with comedy
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你是没办法用喜剧
突破喜剧的，
突破喜剧的，
14:44
if you fail at comedy.
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要是你的喜剧秀失败的话。
14:47
Flaccid be thy hammer.
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绵里藏针。
14:49
(Laughter) (Applause)
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（笑声） （掌声）
14:55
That was not my point.
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但这不是我想说的，
14:57
The point was not simply to break comedy.
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我想说的不仅仅是
冲破喜剧模式。
冲破喜剧模式。
15:01
The point was to break comedy
so I could rebuild it and reshape it,
so I could rebuild it and reshape it,
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我是说冲破喜剧模式后，
我可以重建和重塑它。
我可以重建和重塑它。
15:05
reform it into something
that could better hold everything
that could better hold everything
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使它能更好地容纳一切
15:09
I needed to share,
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我想要分享给大家的东西。
15:11
and that is what I meant
when I said I quit comedy.
when I said I quit comedy.
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这就是我所说的，
离开喜剧。
离开喜剧。
15:16
Now, it's probably at this point
where you're going, "Yeah, cool,
where you're going, "Yeah, cool,
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现在，大约你们可以说一声
“哦，太棒了，
“哦，太棒了，
15:20
but what are the three ideas, exactly?
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但是到底那三个观点
是什么呢？
是什么呢？
15:22
It's a bit vague."
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1898
还是没弄清楚。”
15:24
I'm glad I pretended you asked.
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我很高兴你们问我
这个问题（我假装你们问的）。
这个问题（我假装你们问的）。
15:26
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
15:30
Now, I'm sure there's quite a few of you
who have already identified three ideas.
who have already identified three ideas.
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现在，我可以肯定很多人
已经发现了三个观点。
已经发现了三个观点。
15:36
A smart crowd, by all accounts,
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反正你们都挺聪明的，
15:39
so I wouldn't be surprised at all.
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2072
所以我一点都不
感到意外。
感到意外。
15:41
But you might be surprised to find out
that I don't have three ideas.
that I don't have three ideas.
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3972
但你们可能会很意外，
其实我没有三个观点。
其实我没有三个观点。
15:45
I told you I had three ideas,
and that was a lie.
and that was a lie.
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我跟你们说我有三个观点
其实是骗你们的。
其实是骗你们的。
15:48
That was pure misdirection --
I'm very funny.
I'm very funny.
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3138
纯粹是想误导你们---
我好玩吧。
我好玩吧。
15:51
What I've done instead is I've taken
whole handfuls of my ideas as seeds,
whole handfuls of my ideas as seeds,
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6676
我刚才所做的，
是把我所有的观点当作种子，
是把我所有的观点当作种子，
15:58
and I've scattered them
all throughout my talk.
all throughout my talk.
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撒播在我演讲的全过程里。
16:02
And why did I do that?
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我为什么要这么做？
16:03
Well, apart from shits and giggles,
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1747
除了那些无聊和傻笑，
16:06
it comes down to something
my grandma always used to say.
my grandma always used to say.
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3225
沉淀下来后，
就如同奶奶说的，
就如同奶奶说的，
16:11
"It's not the garden,
it's the gardening that counts."
it's the gardening that counts."
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959386
4937
“重要的不是花园本身，
而是耕种花草的过程。”
而是耕种花草的过程。”
16:16
And "Nanette" taught me
the truth to that truism.
the truth to that truism.
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3759
而“娜娜”让我学会了
这句老生常谈中的真理。
这句老生常谈中的真理。
16:20
I fully expected by breaking
the contract of comedy
the contract of comedy
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2974
我当时是满心以为，
通过突破喜剧的束缚
通过突破喜剧的束缚
16:23
and telling my story
in all its truth and pain
in all its truth and pain
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通过讲述所有的真相
和痛苦，
和痛苦，
16:28
that that would push me further
into the margins of both life and art.
into the margins of both life and art.
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976442
4951
我会被逼到生活和艺术
的边缘。
的边缘。
16:33
I expected that, and I was willing to pay
that cost in order to tell my truth.
that cost in order to tell my truth.
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6034
我以为，为了讲述真相
我愿意付出这个代价。
我愿意付出这个代价。
16:40
But that is not what happened.
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2134
但是事实并不是这样。
16:42
The world did not push me away.
It pulled me closer.
It pulled me closer.
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3803
这个世界没有远离我，
而是拉近了我。
而是拉近了我。
16:47
Through an act of disconnection,
I found connection.
I found connection.
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我用一种疏离的行为
找到了与世界的联系。
找到了与世界的联系。
16:51
And it took me a long time to understand
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1995
我花了很长时间才明白，
16:53
that what is at the heart
of that contradiction
of that contradiction
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2497
这个矛盾的关键
16:56
is also at the heart of the contradiction
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2896
也是我下一个矛盾的关键。
16:59
as to why I can be so good
at something I am so bad at.
at something I am so bad at.
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4300
那就是为什么我会如此擅长
一件我这么不擅长的事情。
一件我这么不擅长的事情。
17:05
You see, in the real world,
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你看，在现实世界中，
17:07
I struggle to talk to people
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我跟人交谈都很困难，
17:08
because my neurodiversity
makes it difficult for me to think,
makes it difficult for me to think,
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6664
因为我的神经多样性
使我很难去思考
使我很难去思考
17:16
listen, speak and process new information
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2641
聆听，讨论和处理新的信息。
17:18
all at the same time.
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1316
无法同时进行。
17:20
But onstage, I don't have to think.
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2237
但是在舞台上
我不需要思考。
我不需要思考。
17:22
I prepare my thinks well in advance.
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2260
我提前准备好了
我的思路。
我的思路。
17:25
I don't have to listen. That is your job.
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1033694
2370
我也不需要聆听，
那是你们的事儿。
那是你们的事儿。
17:28
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
17:29
And I don't really have to talk,
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2421
我都不需要交谈，
17:32
because, strictly speaking, I'm reciting.
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2867
因为严格说来，我是在背诵。
17:35
So all that is left
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所以，我所能做的，
17:38
is for me to do my best
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就是尽我所能，
17:41
to make a genuine connection
with my audience.
with my audience.
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3706
与我的观众建立
真诚的联系。
真诚的联系。
17:47
And if the experience of "Nanette"
taught me anything,
taught me anything,
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1055761
3133
如果说制作“娜娜”
让我学到了什么，
让我学到了什么，
17:50
it's that connection depends
not just on me.
not just on me.
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4334
那就是这种联系
不是我一个人的事情，
不是我一个人的事情，
17:55
You play a part.
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2400
也包括你们。
17:59
"Nanette" may have begun in me,
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2677
“娜娜”是从我心里产生的，
18:02
but she now lives and grows
in a whole world of other minds,
in a whole world of other minds,
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4280
但是她现在在世界各地，
许多人的心中生根发芽。
许多人的心中生根发芽。
18:06
minds I do not share.
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这些人想些什么，
我不得而知。
我不得而知。
18:08
But I trust I am connected.
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2286
但我相信
我与他们建立了联系。
我与他们建立了联系。
18:12
And in that, she is so much
bigger than me,
bigger than me,
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从这个意义上说，
娜娜比我更宏大，
娜娜比我更宏大，
18:15
just like the purpose of being human
is so much bigger than all of us.
is so much bigger than all of us.
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就如同生命的意义
要远远大于我们所有的人。
要远远大于我们所有的人。
18:21
Make of that what you will.
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如何理解这些
是你们自己的事情了。
是你们自己的事情了。
18:22
Thank you, and hello.
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谢谢，你好！
18:24
(Applause)
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6973
（掌声）
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Hannah Gadsby - Serious comedianHannah Gadsby skewers the straight world's dismissal and outright hostility toward the LGBTQ community in her stand-up sets, stage performances and television shows.
Why you should listen
How would Hannah Gadsby describe herself to a teenager at a dinner party? "I am a stand-up comedian from Tasmania. Courtesy of my Netflix special, Nanette, released last year, I have found some rather sudden fame, and I am deeply uncomfortable with so much positive attention. Prior to said special, I had spent a decade or so quietly working my way round the live stand-up circuit in Australia and the UK and had thought of my career as a reasonably successful situation. I am yet to recalibrate my definition of success since the event known as 'said special.'
"I am on the spectrum. I have two dogs whom I love deeply. I enjoy gardening. And I am so sorry you are sitting next to me, teenager."
Gadsby is also on the cast of Please Like Me on Hulu.
Hannah Gadsby | Speaker | TED.com