TEDxPittsburgh
Darieth Chisolm: How revenge porn turns lives upside down
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What can you do if you're the victim of revenge porn or cyberbullying? Shockingly little, says journalist and activist Darieth Chisolm, who found herself living the nightmare scenario of having explicit photos taken without her knowledge or consent posted online. She describes how she's working to help victims and outlines the current state of legislation aimed at punishing perpetrators.
Darieth Chisolm - Journalist, activist
Darieth Chisolm is an Emmy-winning television personality, former NBC News Anchor, entrepreneur, author, international speaker and life and business coach. Full bio
Darieth Chisolm is an Emmy-winning television personality, former NBC News Anchor, entrepreneur, author, international speaker and life and business coach. Full bio
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I had about five minutes
before I was set to deliver a talk
before I was set to deliver a talk
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to a bunch of business owners
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about visibility and being on camera.
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After all, I was
the so-called expert there,
the so-called expert there,
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the former 20-year television news anchor
and life and business coach.
and life and business coach.
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I happened to take a look down
at my cell phone just to catch the time,
at my cell phone just to catch the time,
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and I noticed that I had a missed call
from my ex-husband.
from my ex-husband.
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I can still hear his voice.
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"Darieth, what is going on?
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I just got a call from some strange man
who told me to go to this website,
who told me to go to this website,
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and now I'm looking at
all of these photos of you naked.
all of these photos of you naked.
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Your private parts
are all over this website.
are all over this website.
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Who's seen this?"
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I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe.
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I was so humiliated
and so embarrassed and so ashamed.
and so embarrassed and so ashamed.
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I felt like my world was coming to an end.
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And yet, this began for me
months of pain and depression
months of pain and depression
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and anger and confusion and silence.
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My manipulative, jealous,
stalker ex-boyfriend
stalker ex-boyfriend
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did exactly what he said he would do:
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he put up a website with my name on it,
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and he posted this.
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And this.
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And several explicit photos
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that he had taken of me
while I was asleep,
while I was asleep,
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living with him in Jamaica.
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For months prior to that,
he had been sending me
he had been sending me
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threatening text messages like this.
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He was trying to make me out to be
some sleazy, low-life slut.
some sleazy, low-life slut.
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He had even threatened to kill me.
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He told me that he would shoot me
in my head and stab me in my heart,
in my head and stab me in my heart,
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simply because I wanted to end
the controlling relationship.
the controlling relationship.
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I couldn't believe
this was happening to me.
this was happening to me.
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I didn't even know what to call it.
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You might know it as
cyberharassment or cyberbullying.
cyberharassment or cyberbullying.
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The media calls it "revenge porn."
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I now call it "digital domestic violence."
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It typically stems from
a relationship gone bad,
a relationship gone bad,
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where a controlling, jilted ex-lover
can't handle rejection,
can't handle rejection,
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so when they can't physically
put their hands on you,
put their hands on you,
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they use different weapons:
cell phones and laptops.
cell phones and laptops.
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The ammunition?
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Photos, videos, explicit information,
content -- all posted online,
content -- all posted online,
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without your consent.
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I mean, let's face it --
we all live our lives online.
we all live our lives online.
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And the internet is a really small world.
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We show off our baby photos,
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we start and grow our businesses,
we make new relationships,
we make new relationships,
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we let the world in,
one Facebook like at a time.
one Facebook like at a time.
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And you know what I found?
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An even smaller world.
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One in 25 women say
they have been impacted by revenge porn.
they have been impacted by revenge porn.
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For women under the age of 30,
that number looks like one in 10.
that number looks like one in 10.
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And that leaves a few of you
in this audience as potential victims.
in this audience as potential victims.
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You want to know
what's even more alarming?
what's even more alarming?
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Lack of legislation and laws
to adequately protect victims
to adequately protect victims
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and punish perpetrators.
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There's only one federal bill pending;
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it's called the ENOUGH Act,
by Senator Kamala Harris.
by Senator Kamala Harris.
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It would criminalize revenge porn.
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But that could take years to pass.
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So what are we left with in the meantime?
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Flimsy civil misdemeanors.
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Currently, only 40 states and DC
have some laws in place for revenge porn.
have some laws in place for revenge porn.
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And those penalties vary --
we're talking $500 fines.
we're talking $500 fines.
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Five hundred dollars?
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Are you kidding me?
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Women are losing their jobs.
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They're suffering
from damaged relationships
from damaged relationships
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and damaged reputations.
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They're falling into illness
and depression.
and depression.
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And the suicide rates are climbing.
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You're looking at a woman
who spent 11 months in court,
who spent 11 months in court,
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thirteen trips to the courthouse
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and thousands of dollars in legal fees,
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just to get two things:
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a protection from cyberstalking
and cyberabuse,
and cyberabuse,
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otherwise known as a PFA,
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and language from a judge
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that would force a third-party
internet company
internet company
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to remove the content.
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It's expensive, complicated and confusing.
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And worse, legal loopholes
and jurisdictional issues drag this out
and jurisdictional issues drag this out
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for months,
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while my private parts
were on display for months.
were on display for months.
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How would you feel if your naked body
was exposed for the world to see,
was exposed for the world to see,
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and you waited helplessly
for the content to be removed?
for the content to be removed?
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Eventually, I stumbled upon
a private company
a private company
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to issue a DMCA notice
to shut the website down.
to shut the website down.
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DMCA -- Digital Millennium Copyright Act.
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It's a law that regulates
digital material and content.
digital material and content.
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Broadly, the aim of the DMCA is to protect
both copyright owners and consumers.
both copyright owners and consumers.
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So get this:
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people who take and share nude photos
own the rights to those selfies,
own the rights to those selfies,
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so they should be able to issue a DMCA
to have the content removed.
to have the content removed.
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But not so fast --
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because the other fight we're dealing with
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is noncompliant and nonresponsive
third-party internet companies.
third-party internet companies.
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And oh -- by the way,
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even in consenting relationships,
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just because you get
a nude photo or a naked pic,
a nude photo or a naked pic,
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does not give you the right to share it,
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even [without] the intent to do harm.
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Back to my case,
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which happens to be further complicated
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because he was stalking and harassing me
from another country,
from another country,
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making it nearly impossible
to get help here.
to get help here.
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But wait a minute --
isn't the internet international?
isn't the internet international?
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Shouldn't we have
some sort of policy in place
some sort of policy in place
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that broadly protects us,
regardless to borders or restrictions?
regardless to borders or restrictions?
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I just couldn’t give up;
I had to keep fighting.
I had to keep fighting.
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So I willingly, on three occasions,
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allowed for the invasion
of both my cell phone and my laptop
of both my cell phone and my laptop
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by the Department of Homeland Security
and the Jamaican Embassy
and the Jamaican Embassy
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for thorough forensic investigation,
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because I had maintained
all of the evidence.
all of the evidence.
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I painstakingly shared my private parts
with the all-male investigative team.
with the all-male investigative team.
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And it was an embarrassing, humiliating
additional hoop to jump through.
additional hoop to jump through.
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But then something happened.
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Jamaican authorities
actually arrested him.
actually arrested him.
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He's now facing charges
under their malicious communications act,
under their malicious communications act,
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and if found guilty, could face
thousands of dollars in fines
thousands of dollars in fines
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and up to 10 years in prison.
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And I've also learned that my case
is making history --
is making history --
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it is the first international case
under this new crime.
under this new crime.
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Wow, finally some justice.
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But this got me to thinking.
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Nobody deserves this.
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Nobody deserves this level of humiliation
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and having to jump through
all of these hoops.
all of these hoops.
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Our cyber civil rights are at stake.
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Here in the United States,
we need to have clear, tough enforcement;
we need to have clear, tough enforcement;
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we need to demand the accountability
and responsiveness from online companies;
and responsiveness from online companies;
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we need to promote social responsibilities
for posting, sharing and texting;
for posting, sharing and texting;
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and we need to restore dignity to victims.
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And what about victims
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who neither have the time,
money or resources to wage war,
money or resources to wage war,
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who are left disempowered,
mislabeled and broken?
mislabeled and broken?
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Two things:
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release the shame and end the silence.
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Shame is at the core of all of this.
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And for every silent prisoner of shame,
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it's the fear of judgment
that's holding you hostage.
that's holding you hostage.
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And the price to pay
is the stripping away of your self-worth.
is the stripping away of your self-worth.
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The day I ended my silence,
I freed myself from shame.
I freed myself from shame.
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And I freed myself
from the fear of judgment
from the fear of judgment
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from the one person who I thought
would judge me the most --
would judge me the most --
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my son,
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who actually told me,
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"Mom, you are the strongest
person that I know.
person that I know.
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You can get through this.
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And besides, mom -- he chose
the wrong woman to mess with."
the wrong woman to mess with."
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(Laughter)
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(Applause)
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It was on that day that I decided
to use my platform
to use my platform
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and my story and my voice.
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And to get started, I asked myself
this one simple question:
this one simple question:
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Who do I need to become now?
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That question, in the face of everything
that I was challenged with,
that I was challenged with,
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transformed my life and had me thinking
about all kinds of possibilities.
about all kinds of possibilities.
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I now own my story, I speak my truth,
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and I'm narrating
a new chapter in my life.
a new chapter in my life.
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It's called "50 Shades of Silence."
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It's a global social justice project,
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and we're working to film
an upcoming documentary
an upcoming documentary
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to give voice and dignity to victims.
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If you are a victim or you know
someone who is, know this:
someone who is, know this:
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in order to be empowered,
you have to take care of yourself,
you have to take care of yourself,
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and you have to love yourself.
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You have to turn your anger into action,
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your pain into power
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and your setback into a setup
for what's next for your life.
for what's next for your life.
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This is a process, and it's a journey
of self-discovery
of self-discovery
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that might include forgiveness.
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But it definitely requires bravery,
confidence and conviction.
confidence and conviction.
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I call it:
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finding your everyday courage.
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Thank you.
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(Applause)
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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Darieth Chisolm - Journalist, activistDarieth Chisolm is an Emmy-winning television personality, former NBC News Anchor, entrepreneur, author, international speaker and life and business coach.
Why you should listen
Darieth Chisolm works with corporate professionals, coaches, authors, speakers and visionaries to develop visibility and multimedia strategies that build brand, influence and income. She leverages her life coaching skills to help victims and survivors of assault and abuse release the shame, live with confidence and find their everyday courage.
Chisolm is also a revenge porn victim turned activist, filmmaker and founder of 50 Shades of Silence, a global movement giving voice and dignity to victims of cyber harassment and abuse. The project aims to advocate for stricter laws and tougher enforcement for cyber sexual crimes; encourage the accountability and responsiveness among online companies; promote social responsibility for texting, posting and sharing online; and restore dignity and respect to victims and survivors. It includes an upcoming feature-length documentary, a website with resources and services, and motivational and empowerment training materials to help victims.
Chisolm is currently the host of CBS's Eye on Health and PBS's Emmy-winning iQ: smartparent. Her YouTube channel and online video podcast series, Hustle & Heart TV, was a top 10 finalist for the 2015 Podcast Awards for Best Video Podcast and was ranked number one on iTunes for more than two months with subscribers and viewers in multiple countries.
Chisolm is also the author of Hustle! Why Now is the Time to Unleash your Passions, a collection of powerful and motivating stories to help readers unlock and unleash their passions and learn how to hustle in business while loving life in the process. She is also a contributing writer for Inspiring Lives and Woman of More magazines.
Chisolm received the 2018 Woman of Influence Award from the Pittsburgh Business Times and has been named Top 10 Trailblazers in Communications by Walker’s Legacy and nominated as Entrepreneur of the Year with Style Week in Pittsburgh. She has received two proclamations from the City of Pittsburgh, two proclamations from Allegheny County and a special recognition from the Senate of Pennsylvania for making an outstanding difference and profound impact in Pittsburgh.
Darieth Chisolm | Speaker | TED.com