TEDxFiDiWomen
Jackson Katz: Violence against women -- it's a men's issue
Jackson Katz: Dhuna kundrejt gruas-- eshte nje ceshtje e burrave
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Dhuna ne familje dhe abuzimi seksual shpesh jane te quajtura si "çështje grash." Por në këtë bisedë të guximshme, dhe te hapur, Jackson Katz thekson se, ne thelb, këto janë çështje të burrave - dhe tregon se si këto sjellje të dhunshme janë të lidhura me përkufizime të burrërisë. Një kushtrim për të gjithë ne - burra dhe gra - për tu larguar nga sjelljet e papranueshme dhe për të qenë liderët e ndryshimit.
Jackson Katz - Anti-sexism educator
Jackson Katz asks a very important question that gets at the root of why sexual abuse, rape and domestic abuse remain a problem: What's going on with men? Full bio
Jackson Katz asks a very important question that gets at the root of why sexual abuse, rape and domestic abuse remain a problem: What's going on with men? Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
I'm going to share with you
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Do te ndaj me ju
00:13
a paradigm-shifting perspective
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nje perspektive paradigm
00:15
on the issues of gender violence --
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ndaj ceshtjeve te dhunes gjinore--
00:17
sexual assault, domestic violence, relationship abuse,
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perdhunim seksual, dhune ne familje, abuzim familjar,
00:20
sexual harassment, sexual abuse of children.
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abuzim seksual, abuzim seksual i femijeve.
00:22
That whole range of issues that I'll refer to in shorthand
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Kjo gamë e gjere e ceshtjeve qe to ti referohem une shkurtimisht
00:24
as "gender violence issues,"
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si " ceshtje te dhunes gjinore,"
00:26
they've been seen as women's issues that some good men
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ato jane pare si ceshtje te grave qe disa burra te mire
00:29
help out with, but I have a problem with that frame
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iu kane ndihmuar, por une kam nje problem me kete perkufizim
00:32
and I don't accept it.
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dhe nuk e pranoj.
00:33
I don't see these as women's issues that some good men help out with.
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Une nuk e shoh si ceshtje te grave qe po ndihmohet nga disa burra te mire.
00:36
In fact, I'm going to argue that these are men's issues,
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Ne fakt, une do te argumentoj se keto jane ceshtje te burrave,
00:38
first and foremost.
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se pari dhe kryesisht.
00:40
(Applause)
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(Duartroktije)
00:43
Now obviously, they're also women's issues,
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Padyshim, keto jane edhe probleme te grave,
00:45
so I appreciate that, but calling
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keshtu qe e vleresoj ate, por te quajme
00:48
gender violence a women's issue is part of the problem,
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dhunen gjinore nje ceshtje grash, eshte pjese e problemit
00:50
for a number of reasons.
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per shume arsye.
00:52
The first is that it gives men an excuse not to pay attention.
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Se pari i jep burrave nje justifikim per te mos i kushtuar vemendje gjerave.
00:55
Right? A lot of men hear the term "women's issues"
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Apo jo? Shume burra degjojne termin "ceshtje grash"
00:57
and we tend to tune it out, and we think,
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dhe ne tentojme te mos i veme veshin, dhe mendojme,
00:59
"Hey, I'm a guy. That's for the girls," or "That's for the women."
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"Hej, une jam djale. Kjo eshte per vajza," ose " Kjo eshte per gra."
01:01
And a lot of men literally don't get beyond the first sentence
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Dhe shume burra ne te vertete nuk shkojne pertej fjalise se pare
01:04
as a result.
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si rezultat.
01:06
It's almost like a chip in our brain is activated,
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Eshte pothuajse sikur aktivizohet nje cip ne trurin tone,
01:08
and the neural pathways take our attention in a different direction
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dhe e spostojne vemendjen tone ne drejtime te ndryshme
01:11
when we hear the term "women's issues."
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kur degjojme termin" ceshtje grash."
01:13
This is also true, by the way, of the word "gender,"
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Kjo gjithashtu eshte e vertet, meqe ra fjala, per fjalen " gjini,"
01:15
because a lot of people hear the word "gender"
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sepse shume njerez e degjojne fjalen "gjini"
01:17
and they think it means "women."
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dhe ata mendojne qe do te thote " grua."
01:19
So they think that gender issues is synonymous with women's issues.
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Pra, ata mendojne se çeshtjet e gjinise jane sininonim i çeshtjeve te grave.
01:23
There's some confusion about the term gender.
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Eshte nje farë konfuzioni rreth termit gjini.
01:25
And actually, let me illustrate that confusion by way of analogy.
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Dhe faktikisht, me lejoni te ilustroj ate konfuzion ne menyre analogjike.
01:28
So let's talk for a moment about race.
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Keshtu, le te flasin pak per racen.
01:29
In the U.S., when we hear the word "race,"
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Ne Shtetet e Bashkuara, kur degjojme fjalen "racë,"
01:31
a lot of people think that means African-American,
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shume njerez mendojne se kjo do te thote afrikan-amerikan,
01:34
Latino, Asian-American, Native American,
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latin, aziatik-amerikan, nativ amerikan,
01:36
South Asian, Pacific Islander, on and on.
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irlandez, etj, etj.
01:40
A lot of people, when they hear the word "sexual orientation"
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Shume njerez, kur degjojne fjalen "orientim seksual"
01:42
think it means gay, lesbian, bisexual.
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mendojne se do te thote, gej, lezbike, biseksual.
01:45
And a lot of people, when they hear the word "gender,"
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Dhe shume njerez kur degjojne fjalen " gjini,"
01:47
think it means women. In each case,
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mendojne se do te thote grua. Ne secilin rast,
01:49
the dominant group doesn't get paid attention to.
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grupit dominues nuk i kushtohet vemendje.
01:51
Right? As if white people don't have some sort of racial identity
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Apo jo? Sikur njerezit e bardhe qe nuk kane ndonje identitet racor
01:54
or belong to some racial category or construct,
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ose qe nuk perkasin ndonje kategorie racore,
01:58
as if heterosexual people don't have a sexual orientation,
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sikur heteroseksualet nuk kane orientim seksual
02:01
as if men don't have a gender.
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sikur burrat nuk kane gjini.
02:03
This is one of the ways that dominant systems maintain
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Kjo eshte njera nga menyrat qe ruhet sistemi dominues
02:06
and reproduce themselves, which is to say
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dhe riprodhon veten, qe do te thote
02:08
the dominant group is rarely challenged to even think about its dominance,
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se grupi dominues rralle sfidohet qe te mendoje per dominim,
02:11
because that's one of the key characteristics
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sepse kjo eshte njera nder karakteristikat kryesore
02:13
of power and privilege, the ability to go unexamined,
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te fuqise dhe privilegjit, mundesia per t'u mos kontrolluar,
02:16
lacking introspection, in fact being rendered invisible
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mungesa e analizes se vetvetes, ne fakt behemi te padukshem
ne masen me te madhe te diskutimit
02:20
in large measure in the discourse
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rreth ceshtjeve qe kryesisht jane per ne.
02:22
about issues that are primarily about us.
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Dhe eshte nje mrekulli se si funksionon,
02:25
And this is amazing how this works
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ne dhunen familjare dhe seksuale,
02:27
in domestic and sexual violence,
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sa meshkuj jane fshire nga debati per nje teme
02:28
how men have been largely erased from so much
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e cila kryesisht eshte rreth meshkujve.
02:31
of the conversation about a subject
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Dhe une do te ilustroj per cka jam duke folur
02:32
that is centrally about men.
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duke perdorur teknologjine e vjeter.
02:35
And I'm going to illustrate what I'm talking about
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Une jam i shkolles se vjeter ne disa aspekte thelbsore.
02:37
by using the old tech.
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Une punoj,-- Bej filma-- dhe punoj me teknologji te larte,
02:38
I'm old school on some fundamental regards.
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por si mesimdhenes akoma jam i shkolles se vjeter,
02:41
I work with -- I make films -- and I work with high tech,
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dhe dua te ndaj me ju kete ushtrim
02:44
but I'm still old school as an educator,
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qe ilustron nivelin e struktures se fjalive
02:46
and I want to share with you this exercise
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se si menyra se si mendojme,
02:49
that illustrates on the sentence structure level
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faktikisht menyra se si ne perdorim gjuhen,
02:52
how the way that we think,
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na komploton ta mbajme vemendjen larg meshkujve.
02:54
literally the way that we use language,
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Kjo ka te beje me dhunen ne familje ne vecanti,
02:56
conspires to keep our attention off of men.
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por mund ta vini ne funksion te analogjive te tjera.
02:59
This is about domestic violence in particular,
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Kjo duket ne punen e gjuhetares feministe Julia Penelope.
03:01
but you can plug in other analogues.
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Fillon me nje fjali shume bazike ne gjuhen angleze:
03:04
This comes from the work of the feminist linguist Julia Penelope.
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"Xhoni ka rrahur Merin."
03:07
It starts with a very basic English sentence:
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Kjo fjali eshte ne rregull me gjuhen angleze.
03:09
"John beat Mary."
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Xhoni eshte kryefjala. Ka rrahur eshte folja.
Meri eshte kundrinori. Fjalia eshte ne rregull.
Tani do te vazhdojme tek fjalia e dyte,
03:13
That's a good English sentence.
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03:14
John is the subject. Beat is the verb.
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03:16
Mary is the object. Good sentence.
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e cila e thote te njejten gje ne menyren pesore.
03:18
Now we're going to move to the second sentence,
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"Meri eshte rrahur nga Xhoni."
03:20
which says the same thing in the passive voice.
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Dhe tani shume gjera ndodhin ne nje fjali.
03:23
"Mary was beaten by John."
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Ne kemi levizur nga "Xhoni ka rrahur Merin"
03:29
And now a whole lot has happened in one sentence.
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te " Meri eshte rrahur nga Xhoni."
03:32
We've gone from "John beat Mary"
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Ne kemi nderruar fokusin tone ne nje fjali nga Xhoni te Meri,
03:34
to "Mary was beaten by John."
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dhe mund te shihni John eshte shume afer fundit te fjalise.
03:36
We've shifted our focus in one sentence from John to Mary,
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Fjalia e trete, Xhoni eshte hequr,
03:39
and you can see John is very close to the end of the sentence,
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dhe ne kemi, " Meri eshte rrahur,"
03:42
well, close to dropping off the map of our psychic plain.
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dhe tani gjithshka sillet rreth Merit.
03:45
The third sentence, John is dropped,
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Ne as qe jemi duke menduar per Xhonin. Totalisht jemi fokusuar tek Meri.
03:47
and we have, "Mary was beaten,"
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Ne gjeneratat e hershme, termi qe kemi perdorur
03:50
and now it's all about Mary.
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sinonim me "rrahur" eshte "qelluar."
03:52
We're not even thinking about John. It's totally focused on Mary.
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pra ne kemi "Meri ishte qelluar."
03:55
Over the past generation, the term we've used
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Dhe fjalia e fundit ne kete sekuence,
03:56
synonymous with "beaten" is "battered,"
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qe rezulton nga te tjerat, eshte,
03:58
so we have "Mary was battered."
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"Meri eshte nje grua e qelluar."
04:03
And the final sentence in this sequence,
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Pra identiteti i Merit-- Meri eshte nje grua e qelluar--
04:05
flowing from the others, is,
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eshte ai qe i eshte dhene nga Xhoni ne rradhe te pare.
04:07
"Mary is a battered woman."
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Por ne kemi demostruar qe debati rreth Xhonit eshte shuar kohe me pare.
04:09
So now Mary's very identity -- Mary is a battered woman --
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Per ne qe punojme ne fushen e dhunes familjare dhe seksuale
04:16
is what was done to her by John in the first instance.
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e dine se fajesimi i viktimes eshte i perhapur ne kete fushe,
04:19
But we've demonstrated that John has long ago left the conversation.
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qe do te thote, te fajesosh personin te cilit i eshte bere demi
04:22
Now, those of us who work in the domestic and sexual violence
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me shume sesa personi qe e ka bere ate..
04:25
field know that victim-blaming is pervasive in this realm,
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Dhe ne themi gjera si, pse keto femra dalin me keta meshkuj?
04:28
which is to say, blaming the person to whom something was done
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Pse terhiqen nga keta meshkuj?
04:31
rather than the person who did it.
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Pse kthehen te ata? Cka kishte veshur ne mbremje?
04:32
And we say things like, why do these women go out with these men?
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Cfare budallalleku? Pse po pinte me ate grup djemsh ne ate dhome hoteli?
04:34
Why are they attracted to these men?
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Ky eshte fajesimi i viktimes, dhe ka arsye te shumta per kete,
04:35
Why do they keep going back? What was she wearing at that party?
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por njera nga keto eshte se e tere sturktura e jone njohese
04:38
What a stupid thing to do. Why was she drinking
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eshte e krijuar ne ate menyre qe te fajesohet viktima. E gjitha kjo eshte pa vetedije.
04:40
with that group of guys in that hotel room?
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E gjithe struktura e jone kognitive eshte e krijuar per te bere pyetje
04:43
This is victim blaming, and there are numerous reasons for it,
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rreth grave dhe zgjedhjeve te grave dhe cka ato bejne,
04:46
but one of them is that our whole cognitive structure
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mendojne, dhe veshin.
04:48
is set up to blame victims. This is all unconscious.
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Dhe une nuk do ti ndaloj njerezit te cilet bejne pyetje
04:51
Our whole cognitive structure is set up to ask questions
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per grate, apo jo? Kane arsyet e tyre.
04:52
about women and women's choices and what they're doing,
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Por te jemi te qjarte: Te pyesh pyetje per Merin
04:55
thinking, and wearing.
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nuk do te na dergoje askund ne ndalimin e dhunes.
04:57
And I'm not going to shout down people who ask questions
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Ne duhet te bejme nje lloj te ndryshem pyetjesh.
04:59
about women, okay? It's a legitimate thing to ask.
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E dini se ku deshiroj te dal me kete, a po jo?
05:01
But's let's be clear: Asking questions about Mary
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Pyetjet nuk jane per Merin. Ato jane per Xhonin.
05:04
is not going to get us anywhere in terms of preventing violence.
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Pyetjet perfshijne gjera si, pse Xhoni rrahu Merin?
05:06
We have to ask a different set of questions.
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Pse dhuna ne familje eshte akoma nje problem i madh
05:09
You can see where I'm going with this, right?
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ne Shtetet e Bashkuara dhe rreth e rrotull botes?
05:10
The questions are not about Mary. They're about John.
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Cka eshte duke ndodhur? Pse kaq shume burra abuzojne
05:14
The questions include things like, why does John beat Mary?
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ne menyre fizike, emonocionale, verbale, dhe ne menyra tjera,
05:17
Why is domestic violence still a big problem
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grate dhe vajzat, dhe burrat dhe djemte,
05:19
in the United States and all over the world?
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qe ata pretendojne se i dashurojne> Cka eshte duke ndodhur me burrat?
05:21
What's going on? Why do so many men abuse,
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Pse shume burra te moshuar abuzojne seksualisht me vajzat e vogla dhe djemte e vegjel?
05:22
physically, emotionally, verbally, and other ways,
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Pse eshte ky nje problem i zakonshem ne shoqerine tone
05:25
the women and girls, and the men and boys,
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dhe kudo ne bote?
05:27
that they claim to love? What's going on with men?
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Pse degjojme perseri te njejten gje
05:30
Why do so many adult men sexually abuse little girls and little boys?
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per skandale te reja ne institucione te medha
05:34
Why is that a common problem in our society
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si Kisha Katolike ose programi i futbollit i Penn State
05:35
and all over the world today?
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ose Boys Scouts of America, etj, etj?
05:37
Why do we hear over and over again
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Dhe pastaj komunitetet lokale ne te gjithe vendin
05:39
about new scandals erupting in major institutions
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dhe ne te gjithe boten, apo jo? Ne degjojme per te gjate gjithe kohes.
05:43
like the Catholic Church or the Penn State football program
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Abuzimi seksual i femijve.
05:45
or the Boy Scouts of America, on and on and on?
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Cka eshte duke ndodhur me burrat? Pse kaq shume meshkuj dhunojne femrat
05:48
And then local communities all over the country
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ne shoqerine tone dhe rreth botes?
05:50
and all over the world, right? We hear about it all the time.
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Pse meshkujt dhunojne meshkujt?
05:53
The sexual abuse of children.
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Cka eshte duke ndodhur me meshkuj?
05:55
What's going on with men? Why do so many men rape women
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Cili eshte roli i institucioneve te ndryshme
05:58
in our society and around the world?
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ne shoqerine tone qe po ndihmojne te prodhojne burra abuzive
06:00
Why do so many men rape other men?
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ne shkalle pandemike.
06:02
What is going on with men?
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Kjo eshte nje menyre naive e te kuptuarit se cili eshte
06:03
And then what is the role of the various institutions
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problemi me i thelle dhe sistematik shoqeror.
06:07
in our society that are helping to produce abusive men
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E dini se, autoret e krimit nuk jane ata
06:10
at pandemic rates?
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monstra qe zvarriten neper lluce
06:11
Because this isn't about individual perpetrators.
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dhe vine ne qytet te bejne punet te pista
06:13
That's a naive way to understanding what is a much deeper
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dhe pastaj terhiqen ne erresire.
06:16
and more systematic social problem.
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Ky eshte nje nocion naiv, a po jo?
06:17
You know, the perpetrators aren't these
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Autoret e krimit jane shume me shume normal se kjo,
06:19
monsters who crawl out of the swamp
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cdo dite e me shume.
06:21
and come into town and do their nasty business
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Pra pyetja eshte, cka jemi duke bere ketu
06:24
and then retreat into the darkness.
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ne shoqerine tone dhe ne bote?
06:26
That's a very naive notion, right?
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Cilat jane rolet e institucioneve te ndryshme
06:28
Perpetrators are much more normal than that,
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qe ndihmojne ne prodhimin e burrave abuzivë?
06:30
and everyday than that.
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Cili eshte roli i sistemit fetar,
06:32
So the question is, what are we doing here
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sportit, pornografise,
06:35
in our society and in the world?
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struktures familjare, ekonomise, si kryqezohen ato?
06:36
What are the roles of various institutions
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dhe raca dhe etniciteti si kryqezohen?
06:38
in helping to produce abusive men?
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Si funksionon e tera kjo?
06:40
What's the role of religious belief systems,
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Dhe keshtu, njehere kur fillojme te bejme keto lidhje
06:42
the sports culture, the pornography culture,
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dhe te pyesim keto pyetje te rendesishme dhe te medha,
06:45
the family structure, economics, and how that intersects,
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pastaj mund te flasin se si mund te jemi transformues,
06:47
and race and ethnicity and how that intersects?
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me fjale tjera, si mund te bejme dicka me ndryshme?
06:49
How does all this work?
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Si mund te ndryshojme praktikat?
06:51
And then, once we start making those kinds of connections
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Si mund te ndryshojme socializimin e djemve
06:54
and asking those important and big questions,
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dhe definicionet e burrerise qe na kane sjelle deri te keto rezultate?
06:57
then we can talk about how we can be transformative,
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Keto jane llojet e pyetjeve qe na duhet
06:59
in other words, how can we do something differently?
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ti bejme dhe lloji i punes qe ne duhet te bejme,
07:01
How can we change the practices?
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po nese jemi te fokusuar se cka jane duke bere grate
07:03
How can we change the socialization of boys
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dhe te mendojme per marredheniet apo dicka tjeter,
07:05
and the definitions of manhood that lead to these current outcomes?
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ne nuk do te arrijme dot deri aty.
07:09
These are the kind of questions that we need
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Pra, une kuptoj se shume gra
07:11
to be asking and the kind of work that we need to be doing,
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te cilat jane perpjekur te flasin per keto ceshtje
07:13
but if we're endlessly focused on what women are doing
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sot dhe dje dhe me vite e vite,
07:16
and thinking in relationships or elsewhere,
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shume shpesh jane sharë per perpjekjet e tyre.
07:19
we're not going to get to that piece.
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Ato etiketohen me emra te ndyre si "male-basher"
07:21
Now, I understand that a lot of women
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ose "urryese-meshkujsh",
07:23
who have been trying to speaking out about these issues,
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dhe "feminazi". Apo jo?
07:25
today and yesterday and for years and years,
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Dhe ju e dini se per cka behet fjale?
07:28
often get shouted down for their efforts.
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Quhet vrite lajmetarin.
07:30
They get called nasty names like "male-basher"
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Kjo ndodh sepse grate te cilat flasin per veten e tyre
07:33
and "man-hater,"
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dhe per gra tjera po ashtu edhe per burra dhe djem
07:34
and the disgusting and offensive "feminazi." Right?
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eshte nje deklarate per ta te ulen dhe te mbyllin gojen, te mbajne sistemin aktual ne vend,
07:41
And you know what all this is about?
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sepse neve nuk na pelqen kur njerezit trazojne.
07:43
It's called kill the messenger.
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Ne nuk pelqejme kur njerezit sfidojne fuqite tona.
07:44
It's because the women who are standing up
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Ju me mire te uleni dhe te mbyllni gojen.
07:46
and speaking out for themselves and for other women
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Dhe falenderoju zotit qe ajo grua nuk e ka bere ate gje.
07:48
as well as for men and boys, it's a statement to them
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Falendero zotin qe ne jetojme ne nje bote
07:52
to sit down and shut up, keep the current system in place,
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ku ka shume lidership te grave qe mund te kunderveproje.
07:55
because we don't like it when people rock the boat.
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Por njeri nga rolet e fuqishme qe burrat mund te luajne ne kete ceshtje
07:57
We don't like it when people challenge our power.
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eshte se ne mund te themi disa gjera
07:59
You'd better sit down and shut up, basically.
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qe nganjehere grate nuk mund ti thone,
08:02
And thank goodness that women haven't done that.
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ose, me mire keshtu, ne mund te degjohemi duke thene disa gjera
08:04
Thank goodness that we live in a world
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qe shpesh here grate nuk mund te degjohen.
08:05
where there's so much women's leadership that can counteract that.
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Keshtu, une e çmoj qe ky eshte nje problem. Eshte seksizem.
08:09
But one of the powerful roles that men can play in this work
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Por eshte e vertete. Dhe keshtu nje gje qe ua the meshkujve,
08:11
is that we can say some things
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dhe kolegeve te mi dhe cdo here e them kete,
08:13
that sometimes women can't say,
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se neve na duhen me shume meshkuj te çohen e te thone ca gjera,
08:15
or, better yet, we can be heard saying some things
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dhe te çohen per femrat dhe jo kunder tyre
08:17
that women often can't be heard saying.
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dhe duke pretenduar se kjo eshte disi
08:19
Now, I appreciate that that's a problem. It's sexism.
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nje lufte ndermjet seksualitetit dhe gjerave tjera te pa kuptimta.
08:22
But it's the truth. And so one of the things that I say to men,
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Ne jetojme bashke ne nje bote .
08:24
and my colleagues and I always say this,
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Dhe me qe ra fjala, nje gje qe me te vertete me shqetson
08:26
is we need more men who have the courage and the strength
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rreth disa retorikave kunder feministeve dhe te tjereve
08:28
to start standing up and saying some of this stuff,
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qe kane krijuar levizjet e grave te dhunuara
08:31
and standing with women and not against them
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dhe krizes se perdhunimit rreth e rrotull botes
08:33
and pretending that somehow this is
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eshte se disi, sic e thash, se ata jane anti-meshkuj.
08:35
a battle between the sexes and other kinds of nonsense.
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Po ne lidhje me djemte te cilet thellesisht jane te prekur
08:37
We live in the world together.
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ne menyre negative nga ndonje mashkull i moshuar
08:39
And by the way, one of the things that really bothers me
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qe ushtron dhune ndaj motres se tij, vetes se tij, nenes ?
08:41
about some of the rhetoric against feminists and others
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Po ne lidhje me gjithe keta djem?
08:44
who have built the battered women's
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Po ne lidhje me burrat dhe djemte e rinj
08:45
and rape crisis movements around the world
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te cilet jane traumatizuar nga dhuna e burrave te moshuar?
08:48
is that somehow, like I said, that they're anti-male.
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I njejti sitem i cili prodhon burra qe abuzojne gra gjithashtu prodhon burra qe abuzojne burra te tjere.
08:50
What about all the boys who are profoundly affected
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Dhe nese duam te flasim per viktimat meshkuj,
08:53
in a negative way by what some adult man is doing
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le te flasim per viktimat meshkuj
08:55
against their mother, themselves, their sisters?
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Shumica e viktimave meshkuj te dhunes jane viktima te dhunes se meshkujve tjere.
08:58
What about all those boys?
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Pra, kjo eshte nje gje te cilet te dy meshkujt dhe femrat e kane te perbashket.
09:01
What about all the young men and boys
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Ne jemi qe te dy viktima te dhunes se meshkujve
09:02
who have been traumatized by adult men's violence?
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Pra ne kemi interest te perbashket,
09:04
You know what? The same system that produces
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per te mos permendur faktin qe shumica e meshkujve qe une i njoh
09:06
men who abuse women produces men who abuse other men.
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kane gra dhe vajza qe kujdesen fort,
09:09
And if we want to talk about male victims,
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ne familjet tona dhe rrethin shoqeror dhe ne menyra tjera.
09:10
let's talk about male victims.
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Keshtu, ka shume arsye pse na duhen meshkuj te ngrijne zerin
09:12
Most male victims of violence are the victims of other men's violence.
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Duket qarte duke e thene me ze te larte. Apo jo?
09:16
So that's something that both women and men have in common.
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Tani, natyra e punes qe bej une dhe koleget e mi
09:18
We are both victims of men's violence.
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bejne ne sportet dhe ushtrine e Shteteve te Bashkuara, ne shkolla,
09:20
So we have it in our direct self-interest,
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ne e kemi filluar kete qasje e quajtur qasja kalimtare
09:22
not to mention the fact that most men that I know
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per parandalimin e dhunes gjinore.
09:25
have women and girls that we care deeply about,
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Une dua t'ju jap pasqyrimin e qasjes kalimtare,
09:27
in our families and our friendship circles and every other way.
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sepse ky eshte nje ndryshim i madh tematik,
09:31
So there's so many reasons why we need men to speak out.
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edhe pse ka shume vecanti,
09:34
It seems obvious saying it out loud. Doesn't it?
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por pjesa kryesore e saj eshte, ne vend se te shihen burrat si autor krimi
09:37
Now, the nature of the work that I do and my colleagues do
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dhe grate si viktima,
09:41
in the sports culture and the U.S. military, in schools,
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ose grate si autore krimi, burrat si viktima,
09:45
we pioneered this approach called the bystander approach
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ose kombinime te tilla.
09:47
to gender violence prevention.
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Jam duke perdorur bazen gjinore. E di qe ka me shume
09:49
And I just want to give you the highlights of the bystander approach,
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se burra dhe gra, ka me shume se meshkuj dhe femra.
09:51
because it's a big thematic shift,
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Dhe ka gra te cilat jane autore krimi,
09:55
although there's lots of particulars,
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dhe sigurisht qe ka meshkuj te cilet jane viktima.
09:57
but the heart of it is, instead of seeing men as perpetrators
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Eshte nje spekter i tere.
10:00
and women as victims,
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Por ne vend se ta shohim ate ne menyre binare,
10:02
or women as perpetrators, men as victims,
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ne fokusohemi tek te gjithe ne në ate qe ne quajme kalimtare,
10:05
or any combination in there.
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dhe nje kalimtar definohet si cdokush i cili nuk eshte
10:07
I'm using the gender binary. I know there's more
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nje autor krimi ose viktime ne situata te caktuara,
10:08
than men and women, there's more than male and female.
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pra, me fjale tjera, shoket, shoket e grupi, koleget,
10:11
And there are women who are perpetrators,
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pjestaret e familjes, ata
10:12
and of course there are men who are victims.
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te cilet nuk jane te pershire drejtperdrejt ne dyshen e abuzimit,
10:15
There's a whole spectrum.
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por jemi te ngulitur ne marredhenie, shoqerore, familjare, shkollore,
10:16
But instead of seeing it in the binary fashion,
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dhe te tjera marredhenie kulturore me njerez
10:18
we focus on all of us as what we call bystanders,
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te cilet mund te jene ne ate situate. Cfarë bejme ne?
10:21
and a bystander is defined as anybody who is not
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Si i mbeshtesim shoket tanë? Por si te mos mbesim
10:24
a perpetrator or a victim in a given situation,
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te heshtur ne prani te abuzimit?
10:27
so in other words friends, teammates, colleagues,
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Keshtu, kur vjen puna te burrat dhe kultura mashkullore,
10:30
coworkers, family members, those of us
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qellimi eshte te marrim burra te cilet nuk jane abuziv
10:32
who are not directly involved in a dyad of abuse,
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te sfidojne ata te cilet jane.
10:35
but we are embedded in social, family, work, school,
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Dhe kur them abuziv, nuk dua te them vetem
10:38
and other peer culture relationships with people
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burrat te cilet rrahin gra.
10:41
who might be in that situation. What do we do?
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Ne nuk po themi nje burre shoku i te cilit
10:43
How do we speak up? How do we challenge our friends?
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eshte duke abuzuar me te dashuren e vet duhet te ndal djalin
10:45
How do we support our friends? But how do we not
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ne momentin e sulmit.
10:47
remain silent in the face of abuse?
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Kjo eshte nje menyre naive per te krjiuar ndryshim shoqeror.
10:50
Now, when it comes to men and male culture,
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Eshte nje vazhdimesi e gjate, ku ne jemi perpjekur qe ti bejme burrat
10:52
the goal is to get men who are not abusive
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te pengojne njeri tjetrin.
10:55
to challenge men who are.
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Keshtu, per shembull, nese jeni nje djale dhe jeni ne nje grup te djemve
10:56
And when I say abusive, I don't mean just
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duke luajtur poker, duke folur, pa femra per rreth
10:58
men who are beating women.
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dhe nje djale tjeter thote dicka seksiste ose degradon
10:59
We're not just saying a man whose friend
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ose ngacmohet per nje femer,
11:03
is abusing his girlfriend needs to stop the guy
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ne vend se te qeshni me te ose te pretendoni qe nuk e degjuat,
11:06
at the moment of attack.
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ne na duhen meshkuj qe thone, " Hej, kjo nuk eshte qesharake.
11:07
That's a naive way of creating a social change.
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Shiko, ajo mund te jete motra ime,
11:11
It's along a continuum, we're trying to get men
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dhe a mund te besh shaka per dicka tjeter?
11:14
to interrupt each other.
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Ose a mund te flasim per dicka tjeter?
11:15
So, for example, if you're a guy and you're in a group of guys
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Une nuk e vlersoj kete lloj te te folurit."
11:18
playing poker, talking, hanging out, no women present,
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Po sikur te jeni nje person i bardhe dhe nje tjeter person i bardhe
11:21
and another guy says something sexist or degrading
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bene nje koment racist, duhet te shpresosh, une shpresoj,
11:24
or harassing about women,
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qe njerezit e bardhe do ta nderpresin ate sjellje raciste
11:27
instead of laughing along or pretending you didn't hear it,
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nga nje person i bardhe.
11:30
we need men to say, "Hey, that's not funny.
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Ashtu sikur te heteroseksizmi, nese jeni nje heteroseksual
11:32
You know, that could be my sister you're talking about,
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dhe ju nuk angazhoheni kunder sjelljeve ngacmuese dhe abuzive
11:34
and could you joke about something else?
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drejt njerezve me orientim te ndryshem seksual,
11:36
Or could you talk about something else?
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nese nuk u thoni ne fytyre heterseksulave te tjere,
11:37
I don't appreciate that kind of talk."
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atehere, me nje fjale, heshtja juaj nuk eshte
11:39
Just like if you're a white person and another white person
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nje forme e pelqimit dhe pjesemarjes?
11:42
makes a racist comment, you'd hope, I hope,
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Keshtu, qasja kalimtare perpiqet tu jape njerezve mjete
11:44
that white people would interrupt that racist enactment
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per te nderprere ate proces dhe te flasin
11:48
by a fellow white person.
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dhe te krijojne nje kulture te barabarte
11:49
Just like with heterosexism, if you're a heterosexual person
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ku sjellja abuzive do te shihet si e papranushme
11:51
and you yourself don't enact harassing or abusive behaviors
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jo sepse eshte ilegale, por sepse eshte e gabuar
11:55
towards people of varying sexual orientations,
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dhe e papranushme ne kulturen e barabarte.
11:57
if you don't say something in the face of other heterosexual people doing that,
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Nese ne mund te kemi nje vend ku burrat
12:00
then, in a sense, isn't your silence
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te cilet veprojne ne menyre seksiste do humbin statusin,
12:02
a form of consent and complicity?
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burrat e rinj dhe djemte te cilet veprojne ne menyre seksiste
12:04
Well, the bystander approach is trying to give people tools
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dhe ngacmuese kundrejt vajzave dhe grave,
12:06
to interrupt that process and to speak up
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po ashtu edhe kundrejt djemve dhe burrave tjere,
12:09
and to create a peer culture climate
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do te humbasin statusin si rezultat i saj, e dini cfare?
12:11
where the abusive behavior will be seen as unacceptable,
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Do te shohim nje zvoglim radikal te abuzimit
12:13
not just because it's illegal, but because it's wrong
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Sepse autori tipik i krimit nuk eshte i semure dhe i lajthitur.
12:17
and unacceptable in the peer culture.
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Ai eshte nje njeri normal. Apo jo?
12:19
And if we can get to the place where men
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Keshtu, ndermjet shume gjerave te mrekullushme qe Martin Luther King
12:21
who act out in sexist ways will lose status,
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tha ne jeten e tij te shkurter,
12:23
young men and boys who act out in sexist
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" Ne fund, cka do te dhemb me se shumti
12:25
and harassing ways towards girls and women,
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nuk jane fjalet e armikut
12:27
as well as towards other boys and men,
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por heshtja e shokeve tane."
12:29
will lose status as a result of it, guess what?
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Ne fund, cka do te dhemb me se shumti nuk jane fjalet e
12:32
We'll see a radical diminution of the abuse.
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armiqve por heshtja e shokeve tane.
12:35
Because the typical perpetrator is not sick and twisted.
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Ka qene nje heshtje e madhe ne kulturen mashkullore
12:37
He's a normal guy in every other way. Isn't he?
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rreth kesaj tragjedie te vazhdueshme te dhunes se burrave
12:40
Now, among the many great things that Martin Luther King
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ndaj grave dhe femijeve, apo jo?
12:44
said in his short life was,
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Dhe krejt cka une po them eshte se ne duhet ta thyejme qetesine,
12:45
"In the end, what will hurt the most
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dhe na duhen me shume burra ta bejne ate.
12:47
is not the words of our enemies
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Atehere, eshte me lehte te thuhet sesa te behet,
12:49
but the silence of our friends."
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nga qe une jam duke e thene kete tani, por po ju them se nuk eshte e lehte
12:50
In the end, what will hurt the most is not the words
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ne kulturen mashkullore qe djemte te sfidojne njeri tjetrin,
12:53
of our enemies but the silence of our friends.
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qe eshte njera nga arsyet pse
12:55
There's been an awful lot of silence in male culture
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nje pjese e ndryshimit te paradigmes qe duhet te ndodhe
12:57
about this ongoing tragedy of men's violence
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nuk eshte qe te kuptohen keto ceshtje si ceshtje te djemve,
13:00
against women and children, hasn't there?
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por keto gjithashtu jane ceshtje lidershipi per burrat.
13:02
There's been an awful lot of silence.
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Ne fund te fundit, pergjegjesia per te marre pozicion
13:03
And all I'm saying is that we need to break that silence,
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ne keto ceshtje nuk duhet te bije ne krahet e
13:07
and we need more men to do that.
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djemve te vegjel ose adoleshenteve ne shkolla te mesme
13:09
Now, it's easier said than done,
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ose atyre ne kolegj. Duhet te jete nje njeri i rritur me pushtet.
13:12
because I'm saying it now, but I'm telling you it's not easy
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Njerez te rritur me pushtet jane te duhurit qe na duhet ne
13:15
in male culture for guys to challenge each other,
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per te qene lider ne keto ceshtje,
13:18
which is one of the reasons why
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sepse kur dikush flet ne kulture te barabarte
13:20
part of the paradigm shift that has to happen
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dhe sfidon, ai ose ajo
13:22
is not just understanding these issues as men's issues,
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eshte nje lider, a po jo?
13:25
but they're also leadership issues for men.
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Ne na duhen me shume burra me pushtet
13:27
Because ultimately, the responsibility for taking a stand
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per te filluar ti vendosin ne prioritet keto ceshtje,
13:30
on these issues should not fall on the shoulders
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dhe nuk e kemi pare kete gje akoma, apo jo?
13:32
of little boys or teenage boys in high school
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Keshtu, isha ne nje darke vite me pare,
13:35
or college men. It should be on adult men with power.
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dhe une punoj gjeresisht me ushtrine e Shteteve te Bashkuara, te gjitha sherbimet.
13:38
Adult men with power are the ones we need to be holding accountable
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Isha ne kete darke dhe nje grua me thote--,
13:41
for being leaders on these issues,
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Une mendoj se iu duka si tip i zgjuar-- dhe me tha,
13:42
because when somebody speaks up in a peer culture
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" Pra, sa kohe keni qe beni trajnime rreth sensibilitetit
13:45
and challenges and interrupts, he or she
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me marinsat?"
13:47
is being a leader, really, right?
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Dhe une thash, " Me gjithe respektin,
13:50
But on a big scale, we need more adult men with power
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une nuk merrem me trajnime sensibiliteti te marinsave.
13:53
to start prioritizing these issues,
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Une kam nje program lidershipi ne Trupat e Marines."
13:55
and we haven't seen that yet, have we?
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E di qe eshte bombastike pergjigja ime,
13:57
Now, I was at a dinner a number of years ago,
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por eshte nje ndryshim i rendesishem, sepse une nuk besoj
14:01
and I work extensively with the U.S. military, all the services.
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qe neve na duhet nje trajnim sensitiv.
14:04
And I was at this dinner and this woman said to me --
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Ne kemi nevoje per trajnim lidershipi, sepse, per shembull,
14:07
I think she thought she was a little clever -- she said,
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kur nje trajner profesionist ose nje menaxher i ndonje klubi bejsbolli
14:10
"So how long have you been doing sensitivity training
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ose futbolli-- bene nje koment seksist,
14:13
with the Marines?"
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ben nje deklarate homofobike,
14:15
And I said, "With all due respect,
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ben ndonje koment racor, do te kete diskutime
14:18
I don't do sensitivity training with the Marines.
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ne blogjet sportive dhe ne emisionet sportive ne radio.
14:20
I run a leadership program in the Marine Corps."
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Dhe disa njerez do te thone, " Mire, ai ka nevoje per trajnim sensitiviteti."
14:23
Now, I know it's a bit pompous, my response,
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Dhe njerez te tjere do te thone, " Do ti heqim qafe.
14:25
but it's an important distinction, because I don't believe
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Argumenti im eshte, ai nuk ka nevoje per trajnim senstiviteti.
14:28
that what we need is sensitivity training.
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1988
Ai ka nevoje per trajnim lidershipi,
14:30
We need leadership training, because, for example,
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sepse ai eshte nje lider i keq, sepse ne shpqeri
14:32
when a professional coach or a manager of a baseball team
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me diversitet gjinor dhe diversitet seksual--
14:35
or a football team -- and I work extensively in that realm as well --
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(Duartrokitje)-
14:38
makes a sexist comment, makes a homophobic statement,
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dhe diversiteti racor dhe diversiteti etnik,
14:42
makes a racist comment, there will be discussions
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ju beni keto lloj kometesh, ju deshtoni ne lidershipin tuaj.
14:44
on the sports blogs and in sports talk radio.
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Neqofte se ne mund te bejme kete ceshtje
14:47
And some people will say, "Well, he needs sensitivity training."
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2132
per burra dhe gra te fuqishme ne kete shoqeri
14:49
And other people will say, "Well get off it.
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ne te gjitha nivelet e autoritetit dhe fuqise institucionale,
14:50
You know, that's political correctness run amok,
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1991
do ta ndryshoje, do ta ndryshoje
14:52
and he made a stupid statement. Move on."
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paradigmen e te menduarit tek njerezit.
14:54
My argument is, he doesn't need sensitivity training.
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2411
Per shembull, une punoj shume
14:57
He needs leadership training,
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ne programet sportive ne universitetin e Amerikes se Veriut.
14:58
because he's being a bad leader, because in a society
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2569
Ne dime mire se si te ndalojme dhunen seksuale dhe ate ne familje, apo jo?
15:01
with gender diversity and sexual diversity --
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2811
Nuk ka arsyetim per nje kolegj ose universitet
15:04
(Applause) —
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per te mos pasur trajnim per ndalimin e dhunes seksuale dhe dhunes ne familje
15:05
and racial and ethnic diversity, you make
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1620
e mandatuar per te gjithe studentet, trajneret, adminstratoret,
15:07
those kind of comments, you're failing at your leadership.
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2227
si pjese e procesit te tyre te edukimit.
15:09
If we can make this point that I'm making
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Ne dime se ne shume lehte mund ta bejme ate.
15:12
to powerful men and women in our society
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Por a e dini cfare mungon? Lidershipi.
15:15
at all levels of institutional authority and power,
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Por, nuk eshte lidershipi i atleteve studente.
15:18
it's going to change, it's going to change
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Por eshte lidership i drejtorit,
15:20
the paradigm of people's thinking.
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2075
presidenti i universitetit, njerezit pergjegjes
15:22
You know, for example, I work a lot
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qe marrin vendim rreth burimeve
15:24
in college and university athletics throughout North America.
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4414
dhe kush merr vendime per prioritetet ne kuader te institucionit.
15:28
We know so much about how to prevent
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1982
Ky eshte nje deshtim, ne shumicen e rasteve te lidershipit te burrave.
15:30
domestic and sexual violence, right?
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2403
Shikoni Penn State. Penn State eshte nje nene
15:32
There's no excuse for a college or university
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3082
per te gjithe momentet mesimore ne qasjen kalimatre.
15:36
to not have domestic and sexual violence prevention training
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Ju kishit shume situata ne ate fushe
15:38
mandated for all student athletes, coaches, administrators,
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ku burrat ne pozita me pushtet deshtojne ne
15:41
as part of their educational process.
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mbrojtjen e femijeve, ne kete rast, djemte.
15:43
We know enough to know that we can easily do that.
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Eshte me te vertete, e pabesushme. Por kur merresh me ta,
15:46
But you know what's missing? The leadership.
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ju kuptoni ka presione tek burrat.
15:48
But it's not the leadership of student athletes.
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2006
Ka disa kufizime brenda kulturave te barabarta tek burrat,
15:50
It's the leadership of the athletic director,
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1359
kjo eshte aryeja pse duhet te inkurajojme burrat
15:51
the president of the university, the people in charge
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2659
ti kalojne keto presione.
15:54
who make decisions about resources
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Dhe nje nga menyrat per te bere ate eshte te themi
15:56
and who make decisions about priorities in the institutional settings.
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ka shume burra qe interesohen per keto ceshtje.
15:59
That's a failure, in most cases, of men's leadership.
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E di kete. Une punoj me burra,
16:03
Look at Penn State. Penn State is the mother
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3085
tha kam punuar me dhjetra e qindra,
16:06
of all teachable moments for the bystander approach.
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qindra e mijera burra per shume, e shume dekada.
16:08
You had so many situations in that realm
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2438
Eshte shume e frikshme kur mendon per kete gje, sa vite.
16:11
where men in powerful positions failed to act
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Por jane shume burra te cilet interesohen per keto ceshtje,
16:14
to protect children, in this case, boys.
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por te interesohem shume nuk mjafton.
16:17
It's unbelievable, really. But when you get into it,
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Ne na duhen me shume burra qe kane guxim,
16:19
you realize there are pressures on men.
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1930
me kurajo, me fuqi, me integritet moral
16:21
There are constraints within peer cultures on men,
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3141
per te thyer heshtjen tone dhe sfiduar njeri tjetrin
16:24
which is why we need to encourage men
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per te qendruar me grate dhe jo kunder tyre.
16:26
to break through those pressures.
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1872
Meqe ra fjala, ua kemi borxh grave.
16:28
And one of the ways to do that is to say
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1324
Nuk ka pyetje per kete,
16:29
there's an awful lot of men who care deeply about these issues.
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2663
Por ne gjithashtu ua kemi borxh djemve tane.
16:32
I know this. I work with men,
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1449
Ne gjithashtu u kemi borxh edhe djemve te rinj te cilet po rriten
16:33
and I've been working with tens of thousands,
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1533
ane e mbane botes ne situata ku ata nuk e bene zgjedhjen
16:35
hundreds of thousands of men for many, many decades now.
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3441
per te qene nje burre i cili u thote atyre
16:38
It's scary, when you think about it, how many years.
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2894
se burreria eshte nje forme e caktuar.
16:41
But there's so many men who care deeply about these issues,
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3852
Ne te cilet kemi nje zgjedhje kemi nje mundesi
16:45
but caring deeply is not enough.
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1917
dhe nje pergjegjesi per ata po ashtu.
Une shpresoj se,
16:47
We need more men with the guts,
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burrat dhe grate
16:50
with the courage, with the strength, with the moral integrity
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3239
te punojne se bashku, mund te nisin ndryshimin
16:53
to break our complicit silence and challenge each other
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dhe transformimin qe do te ndodhe,
16:57
and stand with women and not against them.
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keshtu qe gjenerata te reja nuk do te kene nivelin e tragjedise
16:59
By the way, we owe it to women.
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me te cilat ne merremi per dite.
E di qe mund t'ja dalim.
Ne mund te bejme me mire.
17:01
There's no question about it.
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Faleminderit shume.
17:02
But we also owe it to our sons.
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( Duartroktije)
17:04
We also owe it to young men who are growing up
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17:06
all over the world in situations where they didn't make the choice
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17:09
to be a man in a culture that tells them
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17:12
that manhood is a certain way.
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17:13
They didn't make the choice.
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17:14
We that have a choice have an opportunity
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17:18
and a responsibility to them as well.
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17:20
I hope that, going forward, men and women,
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17:23
working together, can begin the change
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17:25
and the transformation that will happen
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17:27
so that future generations won't have the level of tragedy
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17:29
that we deal with on a daily basis.
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17:31
I know we can do it. We can do better.
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17:33
Thank you very much. (Applause)
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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Jackson Katz - Anti-sexism educatorJackson Katz asks a very important question that gets at the root of why sexual abuse, rape and domestic abuse remain a problem: What's going on with men?
Why you should listen
Jackson Katz is an educator, author, filmmaker and cultural theorist who is a pioneer in the fields of gender violence prevention education and media literacy. He is co-founder of Mentors in Violence Prevention (MVP), which enlists men in the struggle to prevent men’s violence against women. Celebrating its 20th anniversary this year, MVP has become a widely used sexual and domestic violence prevention initiative in college and professional athletics across North America. Katz and his MVP colleagues have also worked extensively with schools, youth sports associations and community organizations, as well as with all major branches of the U.S. military.
Katz is the creator of popular educational videos including Tough Guise: Violence, Media and the Crisis in Masculinity. He is the author of The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help and Leading Men: Presidential Campaigns and the Politics of Manhood. He has also appeared in several documentaries, including Hip Hop: Beyond Beats and Rhymes and MissRepresentation.
Jackson Katz | Speaker | TED.com