TED2018
Christina Wallace: How to stop swiping and find your person on dating apps
Kristina Volas (Christina Wallace): Kako da prestanete da listate i nađete pravu osobu na aplikacijama za upoznavanje
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Budimo realni, upoznavanje preko interneta može biti očajno. Toliko potencijalnih osoba, toliko vremena provedenog uzalud - da li je vredno toga? Podkaster i preduzetnik, Kristina Volas, smatra da jeste ukoliko radite to kako treba. Na zabavan i praktičan način, Kristina ovim govorom pokazuje kako je iskoristila svoje veštine sa MBA studija da dođe do pristupa „nultog sastanka” i otarasi se aplikacija na prevlačenje, i kako vi to možete, takođe.
Christina Wallace - Entrepreneur, podcaster, storyteller
A self-described "human Venn diagram," Christina Wallace has crafted a career at the intersection of business, the arts and technology. Full bio
A self-described "human Venn diagram," Christina Wallace has crafted a career at the intersection of business, the arts and technology. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
I first tried online dating
my freshman year of college,
my freshman year of college,
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Prvi put sam probala sastanke preko neta
na svojoj prvog godini fakulteta,
na svojoj prvog godini fakulteta,
00:16
which was in 2001,
in case you can't see my wrinkle.
in case you can't see my wrinkle.
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što je bilo 2001, u slučaju
da ne vidite moju boru.
da ne vidite moju boru.
Kao što ste možda primetili,
ja sam visoka 183 cm,
ja sam visoka 183 cm,
00:20
Now, as you may have noticed,
I'm six-feet tall,
I'm six-feet tall,
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00:22
and when I arrived at my chosen university
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i kada sam stigla na svoj
odabrani univerzitet
odabrani univerzitet
00:24
and realized our men's Division III
basketball team averaged five-foot-eight,
basketball team averaged five-foot-eight,
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i shvatila da je naš muški košarkaški tim
u proseku visok oko 173cm,
u proseku visok oko 173cm,
00:29
I abandoned the on-campus
scene and went online.
scene and went online.
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napustila sam fakultetsku scenu
i prešla na internet.
i prešla na internet.
00:32
Now, back then, online dating
was pretty close to the plot
was pretty close to the plot
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U to vreme, zabavljanje na netu
je prilično ličilo na zaplet filma
je prilično ličilo na zaplet filma
00:35
of "You've Got Mail."
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„Stigla vam je pošta”.
00:36
You'd write long emails
back and forth for weeks,
back and forth for weeks,
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Razmenjivali biste
duge imejlove nedeljama,
duge imejlove nedeljama,
00:39
before you finally met up in real life.
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pre upoznavanja u stvarnom životu.
00:41
Except, in my case,
you'd realize you have no chemistry
you'd realize you have no chemistry
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Osim ako, kao u mom slučaju,
shvatite da nema hemije
shvatite da nema hemije
00:44
and so now, you're back to square one.
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i onda ste opet na samom početku.
Premda se upoznavanje putem interneta
mnogo promenilo u poslednjih 17 godina,
mnogo promenilo u poslednjih 17 godina,
00:46
So, while online dating
has changed a lot in the last 17 years,
has changed a lot in the last 17 years,
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00:50
many of the frustrations remain the same.
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mnoge frustracije ostaju iste.
00:53
Because here's what it does well.
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Evo u čemu je internet zabavljanje dobro.
00:55
It broadens your pool of potential dates
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Imate veći broj potencijalnih
ljudi za sastanak
ljudi za sastanak
00:58
beyond your existing social
and professional circles.
and professional circles.
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izvan svojih postojećih društvenih
i profesionalnih krugova.
i profesionalnih krugova.
01:01
And here's what it doesn't do well.
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A evo zašto nije dobro.
01:03
Literally everything else.
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Bukvalno zbog svega ostalog.
01:06
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
01:08
A few things you should know about me:
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Par stvari koje treba da znate o meni:
01:10
I'm an action-oriented overachieving
math and theater nerd,
math and theater nerd,
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ja sam aktivni, preambiciozni zaluđenik
za matematiku i pozorište
za matematiku i pozorište
01:13
who ended up with an MBA.
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koji je završio sa MBA diplomom.
01:15
So, when things aren't working out,
I tend to take a step back,
I tend to take a step back,
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Pa kada nešto nije kako treba, usporim,
01:18
apply my business toolkit
to figure out why, and to fix it.
to figure out why, and to fix it.
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primenim znanje iz oblasti poslovanja
da utvrdim zašto i pokušam to da popravim.
da utvrdim zašto i pokušam to da popravim.
01:22
My love life was no exception.
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Moj ljubavni život nije bio izuzetak.
01:24
The summer before I turned 30,
I took myself on a relationship off-site.
I took myself on a relationship off-site.
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U leto pre nego što sam napunila 30,
odlučila sam da se sklonim od sastanaka.
odlučila sam da se sklonim od sastanaka.
To znači da sam sama otišla u Mejn
na sedam dana da kampujem,
na sedam dana da kampujem,
01:28
Which means I went camping solo
in Maine for a week,
in Maine for a week,
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01:31
to do a retro on my track record
of mediocre relationships.
of mediocre relationships.
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kako bih porazmislila o svojim
prethodnim osrednjim vezama.
prethodnim osrednjim vezama.
01:35
Because the thing was,
I knew what I wanted in a partner.
I knew what I wanted in a partner.
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Stvar je bila u tome što sam ja znala
šta tražim u partneru.
šta tražim u partneru.
01:38
Kindness, curiosity, empathy,
a sense of purpose.
a sense of purpose.
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Dobrotu, radoznalost,
empatiju, osećaj svrhe.
empatiju, osećaj svrhe.
01:42
And yet, here's what I chose for online:
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A na internetu sam tražila sledeće:
01:45
Ivy League degree, six feet or taller,
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diploma prestižne škole,
visina 183 cm ili više,
visina 183 cm ili više,
01:48
lives within 12 subway stops of me.
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živi u blizini od 12 stanica
metroom od mene.
metroom od mene.
01:51
It's not that I intentionally
prioritized those things,
prioritized those things,
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Nisam namerno
to postavljala kao prioritet,
to postavljala kao prioritet,
01:54
it's just the easiest to vet for online.
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samo je to najlakši način
za odluku na mreži.
za odluku na mreži.
01:57
It kind of is like a résumé review,
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Nekako je poput pregleda biografije,
01:59
which is why these guys
looked great on paper
looked great on paper
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zbog čega svi ovi momci
deluju odlično na papiru
deluju odlično na papiru
02:01
and never quite fit me.
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i nikada mi ne odgovaraju.
02:03
So when I went back online
in the spring of 2016,
in the spring of 2016,
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Kad sam se vratila
na mreže u proleće 2016,
na mreže u proleće 2016,
02:06
I decided to reengineer the process
through some classic business tools.
through some classic business tools.
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odlučila sam da ponovo dizajniram proces
pomoću nekih klasičnih alata poslovanja.
pomoću nekih klasičnih alata poslovanja.
02:10
First, I went to OkCupid,
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Prvo sam otvorila nalog na mreži OkCupid,
02:12
because I wanted to avoid
the gamification of swipe-based apps.
the gamification of swipe-based apps.
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jer sam želela da izbegnem gejmifikaciju
aplikacija na prevlačenje.
aplikacija na prevlačenje.
02:15
And also, because I wanted
a writing sample.
a writing sample.
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I jer sam želela primer pisanja.
02:19
Next, I set up a sales funnel,
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Zatim sam postavila „prodajni levak”,
02:21
throwing out any sense of my type,
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izbacila bilo šta što je bilo "moj tip"
02:23
and instead defining the criteria
that would qualify a lead.
that would qualify a lead.
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i umesto toga definisala kriterijume
koji će odrediti dobre kandidate.
koji će odrediti dobre kandidate.
02:27
An inbound message had to do three things:
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Dolazna poruka je morala
da obavlja tri stvari:
da obavlja tri stvari:
02:29
had to be written in complete sentences
and with good grammar;
and with good grammar;
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da bude napisana celim rečenicama
i gramatički ispravno;
i gramatički ispravno;
02:32
it had to reference
something in my profile,
something in my profile,
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da se odnosi na nešto iz mog profila,
02:34
so I know it's not
a copy-and-paste situation;
a copy-and-paste situation;
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tako da znam da se ne radi
o situaciji kopiraj i nalepi;
o situaciji kopiraj i nalepi;
02:37
and it had to avoid all sexual content.
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i da izbegne bilo kakav seksualni sadržaj.
Mislila sam da su to bili
niski kriterijumi,
niski kriterijumi,
02:40
I figured this was a pretty low bar,
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02:41
but it turns out,
of my 210 inbound messages,
of my 210 inbound messages,
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ali se ispostavilo se
da je od 210 dolaznih poruka
da je od 210 dolaznih poruka
02:44
only 14 percent cleared that hurdle.
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samo 14 procenata prelazilo taj stepenik.
02:46
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
02:48
Next, I wanted to meet in real life
as quickly as possible,
as quickly as possible,
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Sledeće, želela sam
da se što pre upoznamo u realnosti,
da se što pre upoznamo u realnosti,
02:51
because the things I cared about,
I couldn't see online.
I couldn't see online.
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jer na netu nisam mogla da vidim
ono do čega mi je stalo.
ono do čega mi je stalo.
02:54
But the research, and my experience,
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Ali istraživanje i moje iskustvo
pokazuju da vam je potrebno
pokazuju da vam je potrebno
02:56
shows you only need about 30 seconds
with someone to tell if you click.
with someone to tell if you click.
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samo oko 30 sekundi sa nekim
da vidite da li se slažete.
da vidite da li se slažete.
03:00
So I invented the zero date.
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Tako sam izmislila nulti sastanak.
03:03
The zero date is one drink, one hour.
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To je jedno piće na sat vremena.
03:05
With the goal of answering one question:
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Sa ciljem da se odgovori na jedno pitanje:
03:08
Would I like to have
dinner with this person?
dinner with this person?
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da li bih izašla na večeru sa ovom osobom?
03:11
Not "are they the one"?
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Ne "da li je to prava osoba"?
03:12
Literally, "Would I like to spend
three hours across the table
three hours across the table
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Bukvalno: "Da li bih želela da provedem
tri sata za stolom sa ovom osobom?"
tri sata za stolom sa ovom osobom?"
03:15
from this person?"
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03:18
You tell them you have a hard stop --
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Kažete im da imate nekakav rok -
03:19
drinks with girlfriends,
a conference call with China --
a conference call with China --
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piće sa drugaricama,
konferencijski poziv sa Kinezima -
konferencijski poziv sa Kinezima -
03:22
it doesn't matter, they don't know you.
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nije bitno, ta osoba vas ne poznaje.
03:24
The point is one hour.
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Suština je da traje sat vremena.
03:26
If it's awesome,
you schedule a first date.
you schedule a first date.
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Ako je super, zakažete prvi sastanak.
03:29
And if it's not awesome,
you downshift into entertainer mode
you downshift into entertainer mode
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Ako nije super, spustite se na nivo zabave
03:32
and you workshop a few new stories
for your next networking event.
for your next networking event.
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i pokupite nekoliko priča
za neku sledeću zabavu.
za neku sledeću zabavu.
03:35
Plus, because it's just an hour,
you can squeeze up to three in one evening
you can squeeze up to three in one evening
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Plus, pošto traje samo sat vremena,
možete uglaviti do tri sastanka na veče
možete uglaviti do tri sastanka na veče
03:39
and then you only have to do your hair
and pick out one great outfit a week.
and pick out one great outfit a week.
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i onda pravite frizuru i odabirate
garderobu samo jednom nedeljno.
garderobu samo jednom nedeljno.
03:43
The zero date also gave me a chance
to see how they responded
to see how they responded
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Nulti sastanak mi je takođe dao priliku
da vidim kako oni odgovaraju
da vidim kako oni odgovaraju
03:46
to me asking them out.
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kad ih pozovem na sastanak.
03:47
I figured not everyone
would dig my moxie, and I was right.
would dig my moxie, and I was right.
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Mislila sam da se neće svakome dopasti
moja hrabrost i bila sam u pravu.
moja hrabrost i bila sam u pravu.
03:51
Of my 29 qualified leads,
only 15 replied to my message,
only 15 replied to my message,
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Od 29 kvalifikovanih kandidata,
samo je 15 odgovorilo na moju poruku
samo je 15 odgovorilo na moju poruku
03:55
and of those, six scheduled a zero date.
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i od tih, šestorica su zakazala
nulti sastanak.
nulti sastanak.
03:58
My first zero date
was with a set designer.
was with a set designer.
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Moj prvi nulti sastanak
bio je sa jednim scenografom.
bio je sa jednim scenografom.
04:00
And we were both into yoga
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Oboje nas je zanimala joga
04:01
and preferred our bagels
with peanut butter,
with peanut butter,
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i voleli smo đevreke
sa puterom od kikirikija,
sa puterom od kikirikija,
04:03
so it looked pretty promising.
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tako da je obećavalo.
04:05
But two minutes in, I could tell
it wasn't going to be a thing
it wasn't going to be a thing
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Ali posle dva minuta,
videla sam da to neće ići
videla sam da to neće ići
i laknulo mi je da nisam na večeri s njim.
04:08
and I was relieved not to be
spending dinner with him.
spending dinner with him.
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04:10
After that, I was a little nervous
about going to my next zero date.
about going to my next zero date.
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Posle toga sam bila malo nervozna
oko odlaska na sledeći nulti sastanak.
oko odlaska na sledeći nulti sastanak.
04:14
But we had agreed to meet
on the Brooklyn Heights Promenade
on the Brooklyn Heights Promenade
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Ali dogovorili smo se da se nađemo
na šetalištu u Bruklin Hajtsu
na šetalištu u Bruklin Hajtsu
04:16
with a flask of whiskey
to watch the sunset,
to watch the sunset,
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sa pljoskom viskija
i gledamo zalazak sunca,
i gledamo zalazak sunca,
04:18
and honestly, it was two blocks
from my apartment.
from my apartment.
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i iskreno, to je bilo
dva bloka od mog stana.
dva bloka od mog stana.
04:21
Plus, this guy had a podcast,
I have a podcast,
I have a podcast,
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Plus, taj tip je imao podkast,
ja imam podkast,
ja imam podkast,
04:24
worst case scenario,
we can talk about our podcasts.
we can talk about our podcasts.
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u najgorem slučaju,
možemo pričati o našim podkastima.
možemo pričati o našim podkastima.
04:27
Then, Chas set down next to me.
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Onda je pored mene seo Čaz.
04:30
And this kind and empathetic man
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I taj ljubazni, saosećajni čovek
04:32
told great jokes
and asked even better questions.
and asked even better questions.
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je pričao sjajne vicece
i postavljao još bolja pitanja.
i postavljao još bolja pitanja.
04:36
He was a lawyer and a writer,
and his eyes twinkled when he laughed
and his eyes twinkled when he laughed
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Bio je advokat i pisac
i oči su mu sijale kad se smejao
i oči su mu sijale kad se smejao
04:40
and they squeezed tight when I kissed him
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i čvrsto se zatvarale kad sam ga poljubila
04:42
and at some point in the evening,
our zero date became a first date.
our zero date became a first date.
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i u nekom trenutku večeri,
naš nulti sastanak postao je prvi.
naš nulti sastanak postao je prvi.
04:45
And two years later, we have a washer,
dryer and two house plants together.
dryer and two house plants together.
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I dve godine kasnije, imamo mašinu
za pranje i sušenje i dve kućne biljke.
za pranje i sušenje i dve kućne biljke.
04:50
Now, I can't promise
you're going to end up with house plants.
you're going to end up with house plants.
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Sad, ne mogu da obećam
da ćete završiti sa kućnim biljkama.
da ćete završiti sa kućnim biljkama.
04:53
But the point of this story
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Ali poenta ove priče
04:55
is that online dating
doesn't have to suck.
doesn't have to suck.
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je da zabavljanje na netu
ne mora da bude bedak.
ne mora da bude bedak.
04:57
Don't treat it like a game,
and don't treat it like a resume review.
and don't treat it like a resume review.
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Ne tretirajte ga kao igru,
ali ni kao čitanje biografije.
ali ni kao čitanje biografije.
05:01
Instead, use it to source
and qualify leads
and qualify leads
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Umesto toga, iskoristite ga
da pronađete i kvalifikujete kandidate
da pronađete i kvalifikujete kandidate
05:04
and then get offline as quickly
as possible with the zero date.
as possible with the zero date.
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i onda pređite u stvaran svet
što pre, na nulti sastanak.
što pre, na nulti sastanak.
05:08
Because the point of this isn't swiping.
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Jer poenta nije u listanju.
05:11
It's finding your person.
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Poenta je u pronalaženju prave osobe.
05:13
Good luck.
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Srećno.
05:14
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Christina Wallace - Entrepreneur, podcaster, storytellerA self-described "human Venn diagram," Christina Wallace has crafted a career at the intersection of business, the arts and technology.
Why you should listen
Christina Wallace is currently the VP of Growth at Bionic, co-host of The Limit Does Not Exist podcast and co-author of upcoming business book New-to-Big, which will be published by Currency (Penguin Random House) in Spring 2019.
Wallace previously founded fashion company Quincy and ed-tech startup BridgeUp: STEM inside the American Museum of Natural History, and she opened the New York office for Startup Institute. Mashable named her one of "44 Female Founders to Know" and Refinery29 declared her one of the "Most Powerful Women in NYC Tech."
In her free time, Wallace sings in a community choir, climbs mountains, runs half (and some full) marathons and volunteers for progressive political causes. She lives with her fiancé and their two houseplants in Brooklyn, New York.
Watch Wallace's TEDxSanAntonio 2016 talk here.
Christina Wallace | Speaker | TED.com