Suleika Jaouad: What almost dying taught me about living
سوليكا جوّاد: ماذا علّمني الموت بشأن الحياة
Writer Suleika Jaouad is changing the conversation about what it means to thrive in the wake of illness and life's unexpected interruptions. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
in commencement speeches,
to enter the real world.
a war correspondent,
kind of conflict zone.
and my parents, point-blank,
of long-term survival.
what that prognosis meant.
عمّا كان يعنيه هذا التشخيص.
and the life I'd imagined for myself
والحياة التي تخيلتها لنفسي
my apartment, my independence,
وشقتي، واستقلاليتي،
of chemo, a clinical trial
ومن التجارب العلاجية،
خلال 24 في أيام الأسبوع السبعة.
that I'd ever get better,
of other young cancer patients,
من مصابي السرطان،
my rolling IV pole as a skateboard.
كلوح التزلج.
of becoming a war correspondent,
فقد أرشفتها
من سرير المستشفى،
of my hospital bed,
I wrote for the New York Times,
في النيويورك تايمز،
(Applause)
(تصفيق)
I am cured of my cancer.
بل إنني شُفيتُ من السرطان.
a traumatic experience like this,
how much of an inspiration you are.
the mythical hero's journey,
lived to tell the tale,
for what you're been through.
with my experience.
exactly who I was
with 90 minutes of yoga.
I'm grateful for onto a scroll of paper
and send sailing out my window.
how to fold an origami crane.
عن طي أوراق الأوريغامي الطائرة.
began once the cancer was gone.
بدأ بمجرد الشفاء من السرطان ذاته.
of the survivor we see in movies
التي نشاهدها في الأفلام
challenges of recovery.
لتحديات عملية الاستشفاء.
I am incredibly grateful to be alive,
that this struggle is a privilege
أن تلك المعاناة هي امتياز خاص
and expectation of constant gratitude
وهذا الامتنان المتوقع
النقاهة والاستشفاء.
where the work of healing ends.
I was discharged from the hospital,
الذي غادرت فيه المستشفى،
had taken a toll on my relationship
من العلاج الكيماوي على علاقتي
into my apartment, it was quiet.
in this moment,
would understand everything,
of my apartment,
since my diagnosis
working tirelessly to achieve one goal:
بالعمل بلا كلل ولا ملل لتحقيق هدف واحد:
no idea how to live.
soon stopped coming.
of the sick anymore.
further from being well.
شعورًا مضاعفًا من حالتي المتحسنة.
a permanent physical toll on my body.
ترك آثارًا دائمة على جسدي.
in the middle of the day?
on a regular basis?"
psychological imprints
for days, sometimes weeks.
تتظاهر أمامي لأيام، وأحيانًا لأسابيع.
of traumatic experiences, like an illness.
مثل الإصابة بمرضٍ ما.
of the challenges of reentry,
من تحديات الانتكاسة،
I kept reminding myself
وحرصت على تذكير نفسي
لأن أبقى على قيد الحياة،
like my friend Melissa were not.
غير محظوظين.
feeling so sad and lost,
أستيقظ على شعور بالحزن والحرمان،
about getting sick again.
سأصاب بالمرض ثانيةً.
to fantasize about
and recently single.
ولم ترتبطوا بعدُ.
سيكون مكسور الخاطر.
I felt like an impostor,
أشعر كما لو أنني شخص دجال،
I'd felt at my sickest.
الذي امتلكته أثناء أحلك فترات إعيائي.
has a way of simplifying things,
to what really matters.
إلى أي الأشياء حقًا ذات أهمية.
I vowed that if I survived,
an adventurous life,
حياة المغامرة،
with no job, no partner, no structure.
ووحيدة، ودون إمكانات.
protocols or discharge instructions
ولا تعليمات ما بعد الخروج من المستشفى
full of internet messages
كانت رسائل خاصة على الإنترنت
had read my column,
comments and emails.
the case, for writers.
وتتعلق على الأغلب بقضية الكاتب،
with things like essential oils.
من خلال أشياء كالزيوت الأساسية.
in their own different way,
وهم على النقيض مني،
that I was going through.
وما كنت أمر به.
عائدة لتوها من العلاج الكيماوي
composed largely of emojis.
professor in Ohio named Howard,
في تاريخ الفن في أوهايو اسمه هاوَرد،
debilitating health condition
he was a young man.
on death row in Texas
في تكساس
to start off each morning.
I described in one column
to a tiny fluorescent room.
في غرفة صغيرة مضاءة بالفلورسنت.
are different," he wrote to me,
lurks in both of our shadows."
and months of my recovery,
الأولى القليلة من شفائي،
became lifelines,
بمثابة أطواق النجاة لحياتي،
of so many different backgrounds,
that's ever happened to you
your remaining days,
some kind of change.
إلى نوع من التغيير.
and to get back out into the world.
وحتى أخوض مجددًا في غمار الحياة.
a real journey --
that everyone thought I should be on,
التي يعتقد الجميع أن عليّ خوضها،
kind of journey.
مدروسة المخاطر والعواقب.
but somewhat smelly friend
ولكن رائحته كريهة بعض الشيء
embarked on a 15,000-mile road trip
15000 ميل من الطرق
of those strangers who'd written to me.
الذين كتبوا إليّ.
the retired professor.
مع هاورد، الأستاذ المتقاعد.
to open myself up to uncertainty,
of new love, new loss.
وخسارة حبيب.
of predicting how long he'd live.
طريقة ليتنبأ كم سيعيش.
from getting married.
lessons with his wife.
بصحبة زوجته.
their 50th anniversary.
in the material realm;
cocktails or conversation.
ولا في عصير الكوكتيل، ولا في الوِصال.
when everything else is stripped away."
عندما تنجلي الأشياء عن حقيقتها".
Little GQ on death row.
المحكوم عليه بعقوبة الموت.
to pass all that time
كل هذه أوقات الفترة الماضية
really, really good at Scrabble,
إتقانًا بالغًا،
in solitary confinement,
في حجز انفرادي،
make board games out of paper
صنعوا رقعة للهوِ دون ورقة
through their meal slots --
من خلال فتحات إدخال الطعام...
of the human spirit
who'd sent me all those emojis.
إليّ تلك الرسائل المفعمة بالمشاعر.
أي ذات الكمال،
curious person I've ever met.
قابلته في حياتي.
to do next and she said,
في الفترة المقبلة، فأجابت،
وأخوض الرحلات
that I've never tasted before
الذي لم أذقه من قبل أبدًا
ولكن أخاف حشرات البقّ،
and so full of plans for the future,
وأعدّت خططًا كاملة للمستقبل،
and dangerous to have hope
من العيش مُحاصرًا بالخوف.
I learned on that road trip
في خضم تلك الرحلة
the sick and the well --
that would have killed our grandparents,
في قتل أجدادنا،
back and forth between these realms,
ذهابًا وإيابًا بين هذين العالَمَين،
somewhere between the two.
that since coming home from my road trip,
أنني منذ أن نفضت الغبار عن رحلتي،
I'd been pre-diagnosis,
and its limitations,
beautiful, perfect state of wellness
والكاملة من الكمال الصحيّ
of constant dissatisfaction
will have our life interrupted,
of a diagnosis
or trauma that brings us to the floor.
in the in-between place,
and mind we currently have.
في اللحظة التي نعيشها.
of a handmade game of Scrabble
الخربشة" المصنوعة يدويًا
kind of meaning in the love of family
lead a teenage girl terrified of bugs
من حشرات البقّ
to actually be well,
richest, most whole sense.
في أغنى وأكثر المشاعر عفوية.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Suleika Jaouad - Writer, teacher, activistWriter Suleika Jaouad is changing the conversation about what it means to thrive in the wake of illness and life's unexpected interruptions.
Why you should listen
When Suleika Jaouad finally walked out of the hospital -- after countless rounds of chemo, a lifesaving clinical trial and a bone marrow transplant -- she was, according to the doctors, "cured." But as she would soon learn, a cure is not where the work of healing ends; it's where it begins. She set out on a 100-day, 15,000-mile road trip across the country to meet some of the people who had written to her during her time in the hospital. Her extraordinary journey resulted in her debut memoir, Between Two Kingdoms.
Jaouad is an Emmy-winning journalist, author, teacher and activist. Her career aspirations as a foreign correspondent were cut short when, at age 22, she was diagnosed with leukemia. She began writing the acclaimed New York Times column and video series "Life, Interrupted" from the front lines of her hospital bed and has since become a fierce advocate for those living with illness and other forms of adversity.
Jaouad served on Barack Obama's Presidential Cancer Panel, and her advocacy work, public speaking and reporting have brought her everywhere from the United Nations and Capitol Hill to a maximum security prison and a two-room schoolhouse in rural Montana.
Suleika Jaouad | Speaker | TED.com