Suleika Jaouad: What almost dying taught me about living
Sulejka Džavad (Suleika Jaouad): Čemu me je blizak susret sa smrću naučio o životu
Writer Suleika Jaouad is changing the conversation about what it means to thrive in the wake of illness and life's unexpected interruptions. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
in commencement speeches,
na diplomskim ceremonijama,
to enter the real world.
da zakoračim u stvarni svet.
da bih započela svoj prvi posao.
a war correspondent,
kind of conflict zone.
drugačiju zonu konflikta.
and my parents, point-blank,
meni i mojim roditeljima
of long-term survival.
preživljavanja na duže staze.
what that prognosis meant.
šta je ta prognoza značila.
and the life I'd imagined for myself
i život kakav sam zamislila za sebe
my apartment, my independence,
stan, nezavisnost,
of chemo, a clinical trial
hemoterapije, kliničkog ispitivanja
u kome sam živela 24 sata dnevno.
that I'd ever get better,
da ću ikada ozdraviti,
svoju novu realnost.
jezik medicine,
of other young cancer patients,
drugih mladih pacijenata obolelih od raka,
my rolling IV pole as a skateboard.
stalak za infuziju kao skejtbord.
of becoming a war correspondent,
da postanem ratni dopisnik,
iz prvih redova svog bolničkog kreveta,
of my hospital bed,
I wrote for the New York Times,
koju sam pisala za Njujork tajms
(Applause)
(Aplauz)
I am cured of my cancer.
već sam i izlečena od raka.
a traumatic experience like this,
traumatično iskustvo,
how much of an inspiration you are.
the mythical hero's journey,
lived to tell the tale,
doživeo da ispriča priču,
for what you're been through.
zbog onoga kroz šta ste prošli.
with my experience.
sa mojim iskustvom.
exactly who I was
with 90 minutes of yoga.
I'm grateful for onto a scroll of paper
na kojima sam zahvalna na svitku papira
and send sailing out my window.
i otpremim ga na put kroz prozor.
how to fold an origami crane.
kako da napravim ždrala od papira.
began once the cancer was gone.
nastupio kada je rak nestao.
of the survivor we see in movies
koje vidimo u filmovima
već je i opasno,
challenges of recovery.
I am incredibly grateful to be alive,
neverovatno sam zahvalna što sam živa
that this struggle is a privilege
da je ova borba privilegija
and expectation of constant gratitude
i očekivanje stalne zahvalnosti
da se oporave.
where the work of healing ends.
ne završava izlečenjem.
I was discharged from the hospital,
kada sam otpuštena iz bolnice,
had taken a toll on my relationship
uzele su danak mojoj vezi
into my apartment, it was quiet.
in this moment,
da pozovem u tom trenutku,
would understand everything,
da će sve razumeti,
obolela od raka,
of my apartment,
da bih plakala.
since my diagnosis
stabilnost otkad sam dobila dijagnozu.
working tirelessly to achieve one goal:
neumorno radeći na jednom cilju:
no idea how to live.
nemam pojma kako da živim.
soon stopped coming.
su ubrzo prestali da stižu.
of the sick anymore.
kraljevstvu obolelih.
further from being well.
udaljenija od zdravog stanja.
a permanent physical toll on my body.
trajne fizičke posledice na moje telo.
mogu da zadržim
in the middle of the day?
od četiri sata usred dana?
on a regular basis?"
psychological imprints
psihološki tragovi
for days, sometimes weeks.
a ponekad i nedeljama.
of traumatic experiences, like an illness.
iskustava kao što je bolest.
of the challenges of reentry,
na probleme povratka,
mora da nije u redu sa mnom.
I kept reminding myself
like my friend Melissa were not.
kao moja drugarica Melisa, nisu.
feeling so sad and lost,
osećajući se tako tužno i izgubljeno
about getting sick again.
o tome da se ponovo razbolim.
to fantasize about
and recently single.
i odnedavno slobodni.
I felt like an impostor,
osećala sam se kao uljez,
I'd felt at my sickest.
koji sam imala kada sam bila najbolesnija.
has a way of simplifying things,
na neki način pojednostavljuje stvari,
to what really matters.
na ono što je zaista bitno.
da će, ako preživim,
I vowed that if I survived,
an adventurous life,
avanturističkog života,
kada sam se izlečila:
with no job, no partner, no structure.
bez partnera, bez strukture.
protocols or discharge instructions
niti uputstva po otpustu
full of internet messages
pun poruka na internetu
had read my column,
comments and emails.
komentarima i imejlovima.
the case, for writers.
kada se radi o piscima.
with things like essential oils.
pomoću stvari kao što su eterična ulja.
o veličini brushaltera koju nosim.
in their own different way,
na sebi svojstvene načine,
that I was going through.
završila sa hemoterapijom
composed largely of emojis.
koja se većinom sastojala od emodžija.
professor in Ohio named Howard,
u penziji iz Ohaja po imenu Hauard,
debilitating health condition
iscrpljujućom bolešću
he was a young man.
on death row in Texas
osuđen na smrtnu kaznu u Teksasu
to start off each morning.
za početak svakog jutra.
I described in one column
što sam opisala u jednoj kolumni
to a tiny fluorescent room.
u malenoj fluorescentnoj prostoriji.
are different," he wrote to me,
razlikuju“, napisao mi je.
lurks in both of our shadows."
u obema našim senkama.“
and months of my recovery,
i mesecima mog oporavka,
became lifelines,
postale su spas,
of so many different backgrounds,
toliko različitog porekla,
that's ever happened to you
your remaining days,
dane koji vam preostaju
some kind of change.
and to get back out into the world.
i vratim se u svet.
a real journey --
da krenem na pravo putovanje -
na kojem su svi mislili da treba da budem,
that everyone thought I should be on,
kind of journey.
sa spakovanim torbama.
sam smestila u skladište,
but somewhat smelly friend
ali i pomalo smrdljivog prijatelja,
embarked on a 15,000-mile road trip
zaputili na put od 24 000 kilometara
of those strangers who'd written to me.
neke od neznanaca koji su mi pisali.
the retired professor.
kod Hauarda, profesora u penziji.
to open myself up to uncertainty,
da se otvorim za neizvesnost,
of new love, new loss.
i novih gubitaka.
of predicting how long he'd live.
koliko dugo će živeti.
from getting married.
lessons with his wife.
na časove balskog plesa.
their 50th anniversary.
50. godišnjicu braka.
in the material realm;
u materijalnom svetu;
cocktails or conversation.
koktelima niti razgovorima.
when everything else is stripped away."
kada se ukloni sve ostalo.“
Little GQ on death row.
Malog Dži Kjua na smrtnoj kazni.
to pass all that time
da mi prođe sve to vreme
really, really good at Scrabble,
da sam se baš izveštila u „Skreblu“,
in solitary confinement,
make board games out of paper
prave društvene igre od papira
through their meal slots --
kroz proreze za hranu -
of the human spirit
izdržljivosti ljudskog duha
uz pomoć kreativnosti.
who'd sent me all those emojis.
koja mi je slala sve one emodžije.
curious person I've ever met.
i ima više znatiželje
to do next and she said,
sledeće da uradi i rekla je:
nisam probala, kao što je hobotnica,
that I've never tasted before
mada se bojim buba,
and so full of plans for the future,
i tako puna planova za budućnost,
and dangerous to have hope
i opasnije gajiti nadu
I learned on that road trip
na tom putovanju
the sick and the well --
that would have killed our grandparents,
koje bi ubile naše bake i deke,
back and forth between these realms,
naizmenično u ove svetove,
somewhere between the two.
provesti negde između njih.
that since coming home from my road trip,
otkad sam došla kući sa putovanja,
I'd been pre-diagnosis,
kakva sam bila pre dijagnoze,
and its limitations,
svoje telo i njegova ograničenja,
svoje zdravlje kao binarno,
beautiful, perfect state of wellness
neko divno, savršeno dobrostanje
of constant dissatisfaction
stalnog nezadovoljstva
will have our life interrupted,
koja će povući uzicu
of a diagnosis
or trauma that brings us to the floor.
ili traume koja nas obara.
in the in-between place,
and mind we currently have.
telom i umom koje trenutno imamo.
of a handmade game of Scrabble
ručno napravljene igre Skrebl
kind of meaning in the love of family
u ljubavi porodice
lead a teenage girl terrified of bugs
navesti tinejdžerku koja se užasava buba
to actually be well,
što zaista znači biti dobro,
richest, most whole sense.
najbogatijem, najcelovitijem smislu.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Suleika Jaouad - Writer, teacher, activistWriter Suleika Jaouad is changing the conversation about what it means to thrive in the wake of illness and life's unexpected interruptions.
Why you should listen
When Suleika Jaouad finally walked out of the hospital -- after countless rounds of chemo, a lifesaving clinical trial and a bone marrow transplant -- she was, according to the doctors, "cured." But as she would soon learn, a cure is not where the work of healing ends; it's where it begins. She set out on a 100-day, 15,000-mile road trip across the country to meet some of the people who had written to her during her time in the hospital. Her extraordinary journey resulted in her debut memoir, Between Two Kingdoms.
Jaouad is an Emmy-winning journalist, author, teacher and activist. Her career aspirations as a foreign correspondent were cut short when, at age 22, she was diagnosed with leukemia. She began writing the acclaimed New York Times column and video series "Life, Interrupted" from the front lines of her hospital bed and has since become a fierce advocate for those living with illness and other forms of adversity.
Jaouad served on Barack Obama's Presidential Cancer Panel, and her advocacy work, public speaking and reporting have brought her everywhere from the United Nations and Capitol Hill to a maximum security prison and a two-room schoolhouse in rural Montana.
Suleika Jaouad | Speaker | TED.com