TED Salon Brightline Initiative
Guy Winch: How to turn off work thoughts during your free time
Filmed:
Readability: 3.7
1,700,154 views
Feeling burned out? You may be spending too much time ruminating about your job, says psychologist Guy Winch. Learn how to stop worrying about tomorrow's tasks or stewing over office tensions with three simple techniques aimed at helping you truly relax and recharge after work.
Guy Winch - Psychologist, author
Guy Winch asks us to take our emotional health as seriously as we take our physical health -- and explores how to heal from common heartaches. Full bio
Guy Winch asks us to take our emotional health as seriously as we take our physical health -- and explores how to heal from common heartaches. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:13
I wanted to be a psychologist
since I was a teenager,
since I was a teenager,
0
1175
3888
00:17
and I spent years pursuing that one goal.
1
5087
2734
00:20
I opened my private practice
as soon as I was licensed.
as soon as I was licensed.
2
8429
3317
00:24
It was a risky move, not getting a day job
at a hospital or a clinic,
at a hospital or a clinic,
3
12469
4038
00:28
but within one year,
my practice was doing quite well
my practice was doing quite well
4
16531
2895
00:31
and I was making more money
than I ever made before.
than I ever made before.
5
19802
3392
00:35
Of course, I was a full-time
student my entire life.
student my entire life.
6
23691
3008
00:38
(Laughter)
7
26723
1043
00:39
I could have worked at McDonald's
8
27790
1597
00:41
and made more money
than I ever made before.
than I ever made before.
9
29411
2780
00:44
That one-year mark
came on a Friday night in July.
came on a Friday night in July.
10
32215
3874
00:48
I walked home to my apartment
11
36394
1659
00:50
and got into the elevator with a neighbor
who was a doctor in the ER.
who was a doctor in the ER.
12
38077
3849
00:54
The elevator rose,
13
42529
1548
00:56
then it shuddered
and stalled between floors.
and stalled between floors.
14
44101
3222
00:59
And the man who dealt
with emergencies for a living
with emergencies for a living
15
47347
3048
01:02
began poking at the buttons
and banging on the door, saying,
and banging on the door, saying,
16
50419
2894
01:05
"This is my nightmare,
this is my nightmare!"
this is my nightmare!"
17
53337
2325
01:08
And I was like,
"And this is my nightmare."
"And this is my nightmare."
18
56061
2040
01:10
(Laughter)
19
58125
2949
01:13
I felt terrible afterwards, though.
20
61577
2331
01:15
Because I wasn't panicked
21
63932
1786
01:17
and I knew what to say to calm him down.
22
65742
2746
01:20
I was just too depleted to do it,
23
68512
2245
01:22
I had nothing left to give,
and that confused me.
and that confused me.
24
70781
4755
01:28
After all, I was finally living my dream,
25
76167
2476
01:30
so why wasn't I happy?
26
78667
1968
01:33
Why did I feel so burned out?
27
81278
2555
01:36
For a few terrible weeks,
28
84714
1998
01:38
I questioned whether I'd made a mistake.
29
86736
2873
01:41
What if I had chosen the wrong profession?
30
89633
2643
01:44
What if I had spent my entire life
pursuing the wrong career?
pursuing the wrong career?
31
92300
4308
01:49
But then I realized, no,
I still loved psychology.
I still loved psychology.
32
97639
3556
01:53
The problem wasn't the work
I did in my office.
I did in my office.
33
101718
3191
01:57
It was the hours I spent
ruminating about work
ruminating about work
34
105260
3587
02:00
when I was home.
35
108871
1277
02:02
I closed the door
to my office every night,
to my office every night,
36
110172
2072
02:04
but the door in my head remained wide-open
37
112268
3670
02:07
and the stress just flooded in.
38
115962
2066
02:10
That's the interesting thing
about work stress.
about work stress.
39
118938
2761
02:14
We don't really experience
much of it at work.
much of it at work.
40
122033
3465
02:17
We're too busy.
41
125522
1300
02:18
We experience it outside of work,
42
126846
3033
02:21
when we are commuting,
43
129903
1500
02:23
when we're home,
44
131427
1415
02:24
when we're trying to rejuvenate.
45
132866
2333
02:27
It is important to recover
in our spare time,
in our spare time,
46
135223
2594
02:29
to de-stress and do things we enjoy,
47
137841
2720
02:32
and the biggest obstruction
we face in that regard is ruminating.
we face in that regard is ruminating.
48
140585
4064
02:36
Because each time we do it,
49
144673
1833
02:38
we're actually activating
our stress response.
our stress response.
50
146530
3230
02:41
Now, to ruminate means to chew over.
51
149784
2927
02:45
The word refers
to how cows digest their food.
to how cows digest their food.
52
153014
3171
02:49
For those of you unfamiliar
with the joys of cow digestion,
with the joys of cow digestion,
53
157090
4127
02:53
cows chew,
54
161241
1546
02:54
then they swallow,
55
162811
1271
02:56
then they regurgitate it back up
and chew it again.
and chew it again.
56
164106
3012
02:59
(Laughter)
57
167142
1089
03:00
It's disgusting.
58
168255
1160
03:01
(Laughter)
59
169439
1007
03:02
But it works for cows.
60
170470
1468
03:03
(Laughter)
61
171962
1036
03:05
It does not work for humans.
62
173022
2397
03:07
Because what we chew over
are the upsetting things,
are the upsetting things,
63
175443
3293
03:10
the distressing things,
64
178760
1674
03:12
and we do it in ways
that are entirely unproductive.
that are entirely unproductive.
65
180458
4087
03:16
It's the hours we spend
obsessing about tasks we didn't complete
obsessing about tasks we didn't complete
66
184934
4080
03:21
or stewing about tensions
with a colleague,
with a colleague,
67
189038
3269
03:24
or anxiously worrying about the future,
68
192331
1877
03:26
or second-guessing decisions we've made.
69
194232
2399
03:29
Now there's a lot of research
on how we think about work
on how we think about work
70
197463
3976
03:33
when we are not at work,
71
201463
2349
03:35
and the findings are quite alarming.
72
203836
2400
03:38
Ruminating about work,
73
206589
1359
03:39
replaying the same thoughts and worries
over and over again,
over and over again,
74
207972
4276
03:44
significantly disrupts our ability
to recover and recharge in the off hours.
to recover and recharge in the off hours.
75
212272
5555
03:49
The more we ruminate about work
when we're home,
when we're home,
76
217851
2860
03:52
the more likely we are
to experience sleep disturbances,
to experience sleep disturbances,
77
220735
3651
03:56
to eat unhealthier foods
78
224410
2237
03:58
and to have worse moods.
79
226671
1476
04:00
It may even increase our risk
of cardiovascular disease
of cardiovascular disease
80
228171
4492
04:04
and of impairing
our executive functioning,
our executive functioning,
81
232687
2944
04:07
the very skill sets we need
to do our jobs well.
to do our jobs well.
82
235655
2833
04:10
Not to mention the toll it takes
on our relationships and family lives,
on our relationships and family lives,
83
238512
3459
04:13
because people around us can tell
we're checked out and preoccupied.
we're checked out and preoccupied.
84
241995
4040
04:18
Now, those same studies found
85
246591
1929
04:20
that while ruminating
about work when we're home
about work when we're home
86
248544
2912
04:23
damages our emotional well-being,
87
251480
2453
04:25
thinking about work in creative
or problem-solving ways does not.
or problem-solving ways does not.
88
253957
4753
04:31
Because those kinds of thinking
do not elicit emotional distress
do not elicit emotional distress
89
259116
4151
04:35
and, more importantly,
they're in our control.
they're in our control.
90
263291
2857
04:38
We can decide whether
to respond to an email
to respond to an email
91
266807
2212
04:41
or leave it till morning,
92
269043
1939
04:43
or whether we want to brainstorm
about work projects that excite us.
about work projects that excite us.
93
271006
3515
04:47
But ruminations are involuntary.
94
275085
2568
04:50
They're intrusive.
95
278217
1200
04:51
They pop into our head
when we don't want them to.
when we don't want them to.
96
279741
2786
04:54
They upset us when
we don't want to be upset.
we don't want to be upset.
97
282551
3246
04:57
They switch us on
when we are trying to switch off.
when we are trying to switch off.
98
285821
4047
05:01
And they are very difficult to resist,
99
289892
2976
05:04
because thinking of all
our unfinished tasks feels urgent.
our unfinished tasks feels urgent.
100
292892
3752
05:09
Anxiously worrying about the future
feels compelling.
feels compelling.
101
297082
3468
05:13
Ruminating always feels
like we're doing something important,
like we're doing something important,
102
301069
4080
05:17
when in fact, we're doing
something harmful.
something harmful.
103
305173
2655
05:20
And we all do it far more than we realize.
104
308134
2800
05:23
Back when I was burned out,
105
311563
1595
05:25
I decided to keep a journal for a week
106
313182
2627
05:27
and document exactly how much time
I spent ruminating.
I spent ruminating.
107
315833
4085
05:31
And I was horrified by the results.
108
319942
2469
05:34
It was over 30 minutes a night
when I was trying to fall asleep.
when I was trying to fall asleep.
109
322435
3413
05:38
My entire commute,
to and from my office --
to and from my office --
110
326157
3404
05:41
that was 45 minutes a day.
111
329585
1968
05:44
Totally checked out for 20 minutes
112
332125
2206
05:46
during the dinner party
at a colleague's house.
at a colleague's house.
113
334355
2571
05:48
Never got invited there again.
114
336950
1468
05:50
(Laughter)
115
338442
1008
05:51
And 90 minutes during
a friend's "talent show"
a friend's "talent show"
116
339474
3698
05:55
that, coincidentally, was 90 minutes long.
117
343196
3248
05:58
(Laughter)
118
346468
1182
05:59
In total, that week,
it was almost 14 hours.
it was almost 14 hours.
119
347674
4238
06:04
That's how much "downtime" I was losing
120
352484
2429
06:06
to something that actually
increased my stress.
increased my stress.
121
354937
3029
06:09
Try keeping a journal for one week.
122
357990
1937
06:11
See how much you do it.
123
359951
1533
06:14
That's what made me realize
that I still loved my work.
that I still loved my work.
124
362085
3278
06:17
But ruminating was destroying that love
125
365792
2785
06:20
and it was destroying
my personal life, too.
my personal life, too.
126
368601
3087
06:23
So I read every study I could find,
127
371712
2373
06:26
and I went to war against my ruminations.
128
374109
2849
06:28
Now, habit change is hard.
129
376982
2507
06:31
It took real diligence to catch myself
ruminating each time,
ruminating each time,
130
379513
3921
06:35
and real consistency
to make the new habits stick.
to make the new habits stick.
131
383458
3579
06:39
But eventually, they did.
132
387061
1890
06:41
I won my war against ruminating,
133
389378
2245
06:43
and I'm here to tell you
how you can win yours.
how you can win yours.
134
391647
2982
06:47
First, you need clear guardrails.
135
395235
3245
06:50
You have to define
when you switch off every night,
when you switch off every night,
136
398823
2683
06:53
when you stop working.
137
401530
1698
06:55
And you have to be strict about it.
138
403252
2333
06:57
The rule I made to myself at the time
was that I was done at 8pm.
was that I was done at 8pm.
139
405950
5298
07:03
And I forced myself to stick to it.
140
411617
2579
07:06
Now people say to me,
141
414220
1166
07:07
"Really? You didn't return
a single email after 8pm?
a single email after 8pm?
142
415410
3920
07:11
You didn't even look at your phone?"
143
419354
2279
07:13
No, not once.
144
421657
2118
07:16
Because it was the '90s,
we didn't have smartphones.
we didn't have smartphones.
145
424292
2499
07:18
(Laughter)
146
426815
1774
07:20
I got my first smartphone in 2007.
147
428613
2905
07:23
You know, the iPhone had just come out,
148
431542
1897
07:25
and I wanted a phone
that was cool and hip.
that was cool and hip.
149
433463
2777
07:28
I got a BlackBerry.
150
436264
1651
07:29
(Laughter)
151
437939
1160
07:31
I was excited, though,
152
439123
1174
07:32
you know, my first thought was,
"I get my emails wherever I am."
"I get my emails wherever I am."
153
440321
3333
07:35
And 24 hours later,
154
443678
1476
07:37
I was like, "I get my emails
wherever I am."
wherever I am."
155
445178
2579
07:39
(Laughter)
156
447781
1150
07:41
I mean, battling ruminations
was hard enough
was hard enough
157
449292
2048
07:43
when they just invaded our thoughts.
158
451364
1864
07:45
But now they have this Trojan horse,
159
453252
2221
07:47
our phones, to hide within.
160
455497
1747
07:49
And each time we just look
at our phone after hours,
at our phone after hours,
161
457268
3015
07:52
we can be reminded of work
162
460307
1699
07:54
and ruminative thoughts can slip out
163
462030
2246
07:56
and slaughter our evening or weekend.
164
464300
2380
07:59
So, when you switch off,
165
467211
1865
08:01
switch off your email notifications.
166
469100
2293
08:03
And if you have to check them,
decide on when to do it,
decide on when to do it,
167
471417
2937
08:06
so it doesn't interfere with your plans,
168
474378
1974
08:08
and do it only then.
169
476376
1333
08:10
Cell phones aren't the only way
technology is empowering rumination,
technology is empowering rumination,
170
478449
4737
08:15
because we have
an even bigger fight coming.
an even bigger fight coming.
171
483210
2524
08:18
Telecommuting has increased
115 percent over the past decade.
115 percent over the past decade.
172
486211
4544
08:23
And it's expected to increase
even more dramatically going forward.
even more dramatically going forward.
173
491159
3533
08:27
More and more of us
are losing our physical boundary
are losing our physical boundary
174
495088
3269
08:30
between work and home.
175
498381
1928
08:32
And that means that reminders of work
176
500704
1857
08:34
will be able to trigger ruminations
from anywhere in our home.
from anywhere in our home.
177
502585
3334
08:38
When we lack a physical boundary
between work and home,
between work and home,
178
506577
4034
08:42
we have to create a psychological one.
179
510635
2635
08:45
We have to trick our mind
180
513294
1929
08:47
into defining work and nonwork
times and spaces.
times and spaces.
181
515247
3975
08:51
So here's how you do that.
182
519588
1361
08:52
First, create a defined
work zone in your home,
work zone in your home,
183
520973
3928
08:56
even if it's tiny,
184
524925
1333
08:58
and try to work only there.
185
526282
1800
09:00
Try not to work on the living room couch
186
528711
2039
09:02
or on the bed
187
530774
1165
09:03
because really, those areas
should be associated
should be associated
188
531963
2264
09:06
with living and ... bedding.
189
534251
1922
09:08
(Laughter)
190
536838
1000
09:09
Next, when you're working from home,
191
537862
2397
09:12
wear clothes you only wear
when you're working.
when you're working.
192
540283
2770
09:15
And then at the end of the day,
193
543077
1525
09:16
change clothes,
194
544626
1197
09:17
and use music and lighting
to shift the atmosphere
to shift the atmosphere
195
545847
3706
09:21
from work to home.
196
549577
1958
09:23
Make it a ritual.
197
551559
1301
09:24
Now, some of you might think that's silly.
198
552884
2286
09:27
That changing clothes and lighting
199
555194
1815
09:29
will convince my mind
I'm no longer at work.
I'm no longer at work.
200
557033
2613
09:31
Trust me, your mind will fall for it.
201
559670
2431
09:34
Because we are really smart,
our mind is really stupid.
our mind is really stupid.
202
562125
2621
09:36
(Laughter)
203
564770
1015
09:37
It falls for random associations
all the time, right?
all the time, right?
204
565809
2487
09:40
I mean, that's why Pavlov's dog
began drooling at the sound of a bell.
began drooling at the sound of a bell.
205
568320
3552
09:44
And why TED speakers begin sweating
at the sight of a red circle.
at the sight of a red circle.
206
572204
3413
09:47
(Laughter)
207
575641
1404
09:49
Now those things will help,
208
577069
1651
09:50
but ruminations will still invade.
209
578744
2278
09:53
And when they do, you have to convert them
210
581046
2579
09:55
into productive forms of thinking,
like problem-solving.
like problem-solving.
211
583649
3486
09:59
My patient Sally is a good example.
212
587611
2246
10:01
Sally was given
the promotion of a lifetime,
the promotion of a lifetime,
213
589881
3048
10:04
but it came with a price.
214
592953
1825
10:06
She was no longer able
to pick up her daughter
to pick up her daughter
215
594802
2222
10:09
from school every day,
216
597048
1189
10:10
and that broke her heart.
217
598261
1801
10:12
So she came up with a plan.
218
600086
1762
10:13
Every Tuesday and Thursday,
Sally left work early,
Sally left work early,
219
601872
3555
10:17
picked up her daughter from school,
220
605451
1929
10:19
played with her, fed her,
bathed her and put her to bed.
bathed her and put her to bed.
221
607404
4393
10:23
And then she went back to the office
222
611821
1745
10:25
and worked past midnight to catch up.
223
613590
2467
10:28
Only, Sally's rumination journal indicated
224
616908
2987
10:31
she spent almost every minute
of her quality time with her daughter
of her quality time with her daughter
225
619919
3960
10:35
ruminating about how much
work she had to do.
work she had to do.
226
623903
3015
10:38
Ruminations often deny us
our most precious moments.
our most precious moments.
227
626942
3952
10:43
Sally's rumination,
"I have so much work to do,"
"I have so much work to do,"
228
631657
3191
10:46
is a very common one.
229
634872
1326
10:48
And like all of them,
230
636222
1206
10:49
it's useless and it's harmful,
231
637452
1912
10:51
because we'd never think it
when we're at work, getting stuff done.
when we're at work, getting stuff done.
232
639388
3666
10:55
We think it when we're outside of work,
233
643452
2006
10:57
when we're trying to relax
or do things that we find meaningful,
or do things that we find meaningful,
234
645482
3071
11:00
like playing with our children,
235
648577
1500
11:02
or having a date night with our partner.
236
650101
2317
11:05
To convert a ruminative thought
into a productive one,
into a productive one,
237
653038
3291
11:08
you have to pose it
as a problem to be solved.
as a problem to be solved.
238
656353
3000
11:11
The problem-solving version
of "I have so much work to do"
of "I have so much work to do"
239
659710
3349
11:15
is a scheduling question.
240
663083
1690
11:16
Like, "Where in my schedule can I fit
the tasks that are troubling me?"
the tasks that are troubling me?"
241
664797
3589
11:20
Or, "What can I move in my schedule
to make room for this more urgent thing?"
to make room for this more urgent thing?"
242
668775
4103
11:24
Or even, "When do I have 15 minutes
to go over my schedule?"
to go over my schedule?"
243
672902
4151
11:29
All those are problems that can be solved.
244
677673
3007
11:33
"I have so much work to do" is not.
245
681109
2738
11:37
Battling rumination is hard,
246
685276
2360
11:39
but if you stick to your guardrails,
247
687660
2048
11:41
if you ritualize the transition
from work to home,
from work to home,
248
689732
3468
11:45
and if you train yourself
to convert ruminations
to convert ruminations
249
693224
2714
11:47
into productive forms of thinking,
250
695962
2133
11:50
you will succeed.
251
698119
1150
11:51
Banishing ruminations
truly enhanced my personal life,
truly enhanced my personal life,
252
699950
3500
11:55
but what it enhanced even more
253
703474
2682
11:58
was the joy and satisfaction
I get from my work.
I get from my work.
254
706180
3508
12:02
Ground zero for creating
a healthy work-life balance
a healthy work-life balance
255
710442
3587
12:06
is not in the real world.
256
714053
1961
12:08
It's in our head.
257
716038
1404
12:09
It's with ruminating.
258
717466
1400
12:11
If you want to reduce your stress
and improve your quality of life,
and improve your quality of life,
259
719276
3873
12:15
you don't necessarily have to change
your hours or your job.
your hours or your job.
260
723173
3827
12:19
You just have to change how you think.
261
727024
2299
12:22
Thank you.
262
730016
1151
12:23
(Applause)
263
731191
4721
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Guy Winch - Psychologist, authorGuy Winch asks us to take our emotional health as seriously as we take our physical health -- and explores how to heal from common heartaches.
Why you should listen
Guy Winch is a licensed psychologist who works with individuals, couples and families. As an advocate for psychological health, he has spent the last two decades adapting the findings of scientific studies into tools his patients, readers and audience members can use to enhance and maintain their mental health. As an identical twin with a keen eye for any signs of favoritism, he believes we need to practice emotional hygiene with the same diligence with which we practice personal and dental hygiene.
His recent book, Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts, has been translated in 24 languages. He writes the popular "Squeaky Wheel Blog" on PsychologyToday.com, and he is the author of The Squeaky Wheel: Complaining the Right Way to Get Results, Improve Your Relationships and Enhance Self-Esteem. His new book, How to Fix a Broken Heart, was published by TED Books/Simon & Schuster in 2017. He has also dabbled in stand-up comedy.
Guy Winch | Speaker | TED.com