Kio Stark: Why you should talk to strangers
키오 스타크(Kio Stark): 모르는 사람에게 말을 걸어야 하는 이유
Kio Stark explores the myriad ways encounters with strangers impact our lives. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
눈이 마주치면 하는 말이 있습니다.
And, in some ways, they are.
실제로 어떤 면에서는 그래요.
or what the day is like.
날씨가 어떤지는 중요하지 않아요.
우리가 정말 의미하는 건
말 거는 걸 정말 좋아합니다.
documenting my experiences
왜 그런지 알아내기 위해서
really beautiful was going on.
일어나고 있다는 걸 알게 되었습니다.
waiting for the light to change,
기다리면서 코너에 서있었어요.
in the street on the storm drain,
빗물 배수구 위에 서있었던 거죠.
있기라도 한 것처럼요.
standing next to me.
and sort of an old-man hat,
모자를 쓰고 계셨어요.
사라질 수도 있으니까."
I stepped back onto the sidewalk.
다시 보도로 올라갔어요.
생길지 모르잖아요.
so happy that he'd saved me.
저를 구한 걸 좋아하셨어요.
my existence as a person
제 존재를 누군가 알아봐주었고
느낌이 들었습니다.
that strangers are dangerous by default,
믿으면 안 되고
that they might hurt us.
생각하도록 길러진다는 겁니다.
위험하지 않아요.
because we have no context.
불안하게 느끼는 거예요.
and making choices,
선택을 하기보다는
의존하게 됩니다.
좋은 거니까."
I say that to her,
두 번씩 생각하고 얘기합니다.
but as a woman, particularly,
그런데 특히 여자로서 저는
on the street has the best intentions.
선의를 갖고 있진 않다는 걸 알아요.
and it's good to learn when not to be,
할 때를 아는 것도 좋죠.
we have to be afraid.
두려워해야 하는 건 아닙니다.
감각을 이용하는 데에는
해방시켜준다는 겁니다.
for learning about them.
일종의 지름길입니다.
모르는 사람, 친구를 보고
about people as individuals.
여기지 않고 있다는 뜻이기도 합니다.
who travels frequently
아프리카에 자주 여행을 다닙니다.
이방인으로서 출입합니다.
as a real, individual person.
실존하는 개인으로 보게하는 겁니다.
other people see you that way, too.
그렇게 봐주는 게 더 쉬워질 테니까요.
has to do with intimacy.
친밀감과 관련이 있습니다.
a little counterintuitive,
감이 잘 오지 않으실 수도 있겠지만
can lead to a feeling
"순간의 친밀감"이라 부르는
"fleeting intimacy."
that has emotional resonance and meaning.
짧은 경험인 것입니다.
of the storm drain by the old man,
느꼈던 그 좋은 기분입니다.
on my train on the way to work.
일원이라고 느끼는 기분같은 겁니다.
that people often feel more comfortable
사람들은 낯선 이들에게
about their inner selves with strangers
진솔하게 대할 때
and their families --
더 편하게 느낀다고 합니다.
more understood by strangers.
이해를 받는다고 느끼는 겁니다.
with great lament.
언론에 이렇게 보도됩니다.
better than spouses!"
더 말이 잘 통한다!"
놓치고 있다고 생각해요.
these interactions can be;
가지는가에 관한 거예요.
as much as we need our friends
필요한 만큼 필요한 무언가를
so well with strangers?
그렇게 대화를 잘 할 수 있는 걸까요?
it's a quick interaction.
교류라는 겁니다.
you're never going to see again, right?
솔직한 건 쉽잖아요?
it gets more interesting.
to people we're close to.
편견을 가지고 있습니다.
that your friend or your spouse
여러분이 일찍 집에 가고 싶어하는 걸
that you want to leave early.
to start from scratch.
처음부터 시작해야 합니다.
how we feel about them;
어떻게 생각하는지 설명해주고
understand us a little better.
that talking to strangers matters,
중요하다는 걸 아셨죠.
we tend to follow.
암묵적인 규칙들이 있습니다.
depending on what country you're in,
어느 문화권에 있는지에 따라
between civility and privacy.
towards each other on the street.
걸어오고 있다고 해봅시다.
from a distance.
상대방을 알아봐주는거죠.
they'll look away,
시선을 돌릴 겁니다.
not to interact at all.
특별한 노력까지 합니다.
to talking to strangers,
얘기하는 걸 매우 싫어해서
miss their stop on the bus
"실례합니다"라고 말하지 않고
that they need to get around.
shuffling of bags
that you need to get past,
culture of hospitality.
for a sip of water.
물 한모금 달라고 할 수도 있고
to invite you home for coffee.
초대하는 경우도 많다고 합니다.
most clearly when they're broken,
깨졌을 때나 새로운 환경에 있을 때
what the right thing to do is.
알아내려고 노력하죠.
is where the action is.
어겨야 할 때도 있습니다.
I really want you to do this. OK?
저는 여러분이 이걸 하길 정말 바래요.
or in the hallway here, smile.
누군가를 지나치면 웃으세요.
that you both might see and comment on,
제 3의 무언가가 있습니다.
and see if starts a conversation.
대화가 시작되는지 보세요.
부르는 것도 있습니다.
fabulous shoes right now,
신고 있진 않지만
as far as giving compliments goes.
꽤 중립적입니다.
about their awesome shoes.
신발에 관해서 얘기해주고 싶어해요.
the dogs and babies principle.
이미 경험해보신 적 있을 거예요.
to talk to someone on the street;
어색할 수 있습니다.
they're going to respond.
to their dog or their baby.
말거는 건 언제나 가능해요.
더 얘기하고 싶어하는지를
하고 싶은 마지막 일은
일일 수도 있지만
낯선 사람과 얘기할 때
I talked about of feeling understood.
느끼실 수 있을 거예요.
제게 묻기도 합니다.
or, "Where does he live?"
"아버님이 어디 사세요?"라고요.
자신의 경험을 같이 나눕니다.
disclosure with disclosure,
you're making beautiful interruptions
그들과 여러분의 뻔한 일상에
of your daily life
you're missing out on all of that.
그걸 다 놓치는 거예요.
more time teaching ourselves?
시간을 보내면 어떻게 될까요?
that make us so suspicious of each other.
모두 뿌리칠 수 있을 겁니다.
만들 수 있을 겁니다.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Kio Stark - Stranger enthusiastKio Stark explores the myriad ways encounters with strangers impact our lives.
Why you should listen
Kio Stark has always talked to strangers. She started documenting her experiences when she realized that not everyone shares this predilection. She's done extensive research into the emotional and political dimensions of stranger interactions and the complex dynamics how people relate to each other in public places.
Her novel Follow Me Down began as a series of true vignettes about strangers placed in the fictional context of a woman unraveling the eerie history of a lost letter misdelivered to her door.
Stark did doctoral work at Yale University’s American Studies program, where she thought a lot about the history of science and medicine, urban studies, art, and race -- and then dropped out. Because she also taught graduate courses at NYU's Interactive Telecommunications Program, numberless people consulted her about whether or not to go back to school. Those conversations inspired Don't Go Back to School, a handbook for independent learners.
Stark is the author of the TED Book When Strangers Meet, in which she argues for the pleasures and transformative possibilities of talking to people you don’t know.
Beyond strangers, Stark's abiding fixations include the invisibility of technology; how people learn; practices of generosity and mutual aid; the culture, infrastructure and ephemera of cities; mythology and fairy tales; and advocating for independent learning, data literacy, social justice and feminism. Fiction writers get to dive down wonderful rabbit holes, and some of her favorites have been the forging and stealing of art, secret societies, the daily lives of medical examiners, the physics of elementary particles, bridge design, the history of maps, the mechanisms of wrongful conviction and psychoanalysis.
When not writing books, Stark has worked in journalism, interactive advertising, community research and game design. She writes, teaches and speaks around the world about stranger interactions, independent learning and how people relate to technology. She also consults for startups and large companies helping them think about stranger interactions among their users and audiences.
Kio Stark | Speaker | TED.com