TED2006
Tom Rielly: A comic sendup of TED2006
Tom Rielly 对TED2006的幽默总结
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讽刺作家Tom Rielly在TED2006大会上进行了一次顽皮的恶搞，解构100美元笔记本电脑，北极熊的悲惨境况，和那些不止一次地提到自己在哈佛工作的人。请看Tom 和Al Gore(美国前副总统）之间的特别瞬间。
Tom Rielly - Satirist
Traditionally, Tom Rielly closes the TED Conference with a merciless 18-minute monologue, skewering all the speakers with his deadpan delivery, spot-on satire and boundary-less performance (complete with PowerPoint, pratfalls and partial nudity). Full bio
Traditionally, Tom Rielly closes the TED Conference with a merciless 18-minute monologue, skewering all the speakers with his deadpan delivery, spot-on satire and boundary-less performance (complete with PowerPoint, pratfalls and partial nudity). Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:31
I just want to say, over the last few years I've been --
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我只是想说，在过去的几年中，我——
00:35
had the opportunity to do this closing conference.
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有机会做这个闭幕陈词。
00:38
And I've had some incredible warm-up acts.
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我已经做了一些极好的准备工作。
00:43
About eight years ago,
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大约八年以前，
00:45
Billy Graham opened for me.
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Billy Graham给我开了个头。
00:47
And I thought that there was --
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我认为——
00:49
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
00:50
I thought that there was absolutely no way
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我认为绝对没有什么方法
00:53
in hell to top that.
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可以超越它。
00:55
But I just wanted to say --
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但我只想说——
00:58
and I mean this without irony --
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并且我不带有任何讽刺意味——
01:00
I think I can speak for everybody in the audience
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我认为我可以代表在座的每一位观众
01:04
when I say that I wish to God that you were the President of the United States.
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我向上帝许愿你是美国总统。
01:08
(Applause)
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（掌声）
01:14
OK, this is the title of my talk today.
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好的，这是我今天演讲的题目。
01:17
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
01:21
I just want to give you a quick overview.
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我只是想给你们一个简短的总结。
01:24
First of all, please remember I'm completely politically correct,
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首先，请记住我政治立场绝对正确，
01:27
and I mean everything with great affection.
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我所说的一切都发自肺腑。
01:29
If any of you have sensitive stomachs or are feeling queasy,
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如果你们有人恶心头晕的话，
01:32
now is the time to check your Blackberry.
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现在是时候看一眼你们的黑莓（手机）了。
01:34
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
01:36
Just to review, this is my TEDTalk.
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这是我TED演讲的备忘。
01:40
We're going to do some jokes,
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我们会讲一些笑话，
01:42
some gags,
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一些滑稽故事，
01:46
some little skits --
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一些讽刺短剧，
01:48
and then we're going to talk about the L1 point.
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然后我们会谈谈L1要点。
01:50
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
01:53
So, one of the questions I ask myself
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我问我自己一个问题，
01:56
is, was this the most distressing TED ever?
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这是不是有史以来最压抑的一次TED大会？
01:59
Let's try and sum things up, shall we?
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我们一起来总结一下好不好？
02:02
Images of limb regeneration
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残肢再造的景象
02:04
and faces filled with smallpox:
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和长满天花的面孔占
02:06
21 percent of the conference.
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21%的演讲。
02:07
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
02:09
Mentions of polar bears drowning: four percent.
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提到北极熊溺死：4%。
02:13
Images of the earth being wiped out by flood or bird flu: 64 percent.
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地球毁灭于大洪水或者禽流感的景象：64%。
02:17
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
02:18
And David Pogue singing show tunes.
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和David Pogue的现场演唱。
02:21
(Applause)
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（掌声）
02:23
Because this is the most distressing TED ever,
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因为这是有史以来最压抑的一次TED大会，
02:25
I've been working with Neil Gershenfeld on next year's TED Bag.
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我和Neil Gershenfeld已经开始运作明年的TED提包了。
02:28
And if the -- if the conference is anywhere near this distressing,
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如果明年的聚会与今年的压抑程度相当，
02:31
then we're going to have a scream bag next year.
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我们明年将搞一个尖叫提包。
02:33
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
02:37
It's going to be a cradle-to-cradle scream bag, of course.
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当然，这将是一个从声源到声源的尖叫提包。
02:39
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
02:41
So you're going to be able to go like this.
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你们可以这样做。
02:44
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
02:48
Bring it over here
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把它拿到这里来
02:53
and open it up. Aaaah!
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然后打开。啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊！
02:55
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
03:04
Meanwhile, back at TED University,
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同时，在TED大学中，
03:07
this wonderful woman is teaching you how to chop Sun Chips.
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这位赏心悦目的女士正在教授如何切削太阳能芯片。
03:10
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
03:18
So Robert Wright -- I don't know,
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关于Rovert Wright——我也不清楚，
03:21
I felt like if there was anyone that Helen needed to give antidepressants to,
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我觉得要是有什么人需要Helen的抗抑郁药物，
03:24
it might have been him.
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那也许就该是他。
03:25
I want to deliberately interfere with his dopamine levels.
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我想故意干扰他的多巴胺水平。
03:28
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
03:29
He was talking about morality.
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他在会上谈论道义。
03:32
Economy class morality is,
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经济舱的道义是
03:34
we want to bomb you back to the Stone Age.
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我们想要把你们炸回石器时代。
03:36
Business class morality is,
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商务舱的道义是
03:38
don't bomb Japan -- they built my car.
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不要轰炸日本——他们给我们造车。
03:40
And first-class morality is, don't bomb Mexico -- they clean my house.
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而头等舱的道义是不要轰炸墨西哥——他们给我们打扫房间。
03:44
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
03:46
Yes, it is politically incorrect.
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是的，这的确政治不正确
03:50
All right,
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好吧，
03:52
now I want to do a little bit of a thing for you ...
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现在我想给大家看点东西……
03:54
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
04:00
All right, now these are the wha --
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好了，这些东西是——
04:02
I'd say, [mumble, mumble --
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我想说，呜噜，呜噜
04:05
mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble,
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呜噜，呜噜，呜噜，呜噜，
04:08
mumble] -- ahh!
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呜噜——啊！
04:12
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
04:15
So I wanted to show you guys --
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我想给你们展示的——
04:17
I wanted to talk about a revolutionary new computer interface
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我想谈谈一种革命性的新型计算机交互界面，
04:20
that lets you work with images just as easily
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它可以使你非常容易的处理图像——
04:25
as you -- as a completely natural user interface.
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就像——就像这种完全自然地用户界面。
04:27
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
04:32
And you can --
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而且你能够——
04:33
you can use really natural hand gestures
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你能够使用真正自然地手势
04:35
to like, go like this.
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就像，这样做。
04:37
(Applause)
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（掌声）
04:43
Now we had a Harvard professor here --
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现在，我们这有一个哈佛大学的教授，
04:45
she was from Harvard, I just wanted to mention and --
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她来自于哈佛，我要强调一下
04:47
and she was actually a professor from Harvard.
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她实际上是一个哈佛大学的教授。
04:51
And she was talking about seven-dimensional, inverted universes.
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她谈论的是7维的，反转的时空。
04:55
With, you know, of course, there's the gravity brain.
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你知道，当然的，拥有那种逻辑强的头脑。
04:57
There's the weak brain. And then there's my weak brain,
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也有那种逻辑差的头脑。还有我的这个逻辑牵强的头脑，
05:00
which is too -- too -- absolutely too weak to understand
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它实在是太——太——太孱弱
05:02
what the fuck she was talking about.
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实在难以理解她到底在说什么。
05:04
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
05:06
Now --
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现在——
05:08
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
05:13
one of the things that is very important to me
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有一件对我来说特别重要的事情
05:15
is to try and figure out what on Earth am I here for.
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就是搞清楚我到底为什么在这儿。
05:19
And that's why I went out
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所以，我出去转了转
05:20
and I picked up a best-selling business book.
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并偶然间发现了一本热卖的商业书籍。
05:22
You know, it basically uses as its central premise Greek mythology.
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你知道吗，它基本上将希腊神话作为它的核心前提。
05:26
And it's by a guy named Pastor Rick Warren,
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作者是一个叫做Pastor Rick Warren的人，
05:29
and it's called
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书名是
05:31
"The Porpoise Driven Life."
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鼠海豚驱动的生活（英语发音类似于《The Purpose Driven Life（目标驱动的生活） 》）。
05:33
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
05:36
And Rick is as
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而且Rick就像
05:39
a pagan god,
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一个异教徒的上帝，
05:41
which I thought was kind of appropriate,
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从某方面看，我觉得这种说法比较恰当
05:43
in a certain way.
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。
05:45
And now we're going to have kind of
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现在，我们将要有一些
05:47
a little more visualization about Rick Warren.
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Rick Warren的视觉信息。
05:56
OK.
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好了。
05:59
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
06:06
All right.
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好的。
06:09
Now, red is Rick Warren,
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先在，红色是Rick Warren
06:11
and green is Daniel Dennett, OK?
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而绿色是Daniel Dennet，好吧？
06:14
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
06:17
The scales here are religiosity from zero percent,
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这条横坐标轴是信仰前程度，从0%，
06:21
or atheist, to 100 percent, Bible literally true.
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也就是无神论者，到100%，也就是圣经绝对真实。
06:24
And then this is books sold -- the logarithmic scale.
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而这个是图书销量——对应竖坐标轴。
06:28
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
06:32
30,000, 300,000, three million, 30 million, 300 million.
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3万，30万，3百万，3千万，3亿。
06:35
OK, now they're duking it out. Now they're duking it out.
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好的，现在他们在激烈的交锋，现在他们在激烈的交锋。
06:37
(Laughter)
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(笑声）
06:39
And Rick Warren's kind of pulling ahead, kind of pulling ahead.
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Rick Warren领先了一些，领先了一些。
06:41
Yup, and his installed base is getting a little bigger.
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是的，他占领的面积扩大了一些。
06:45
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
06:50
But Darwin's dangerous idea is coming back. It's coming back.
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但是达尔文的危险的想法回来了。它回来了。
06:54
Let me turn the trails on, so you can see that a little bit better.
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我来打开轨迹追踪，这样你们能看得更清楚一些。
06:56
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
07:03
(Applause)
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（掌声）
07:09
Now, one of the things that's very important is,
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现在，一件很重要的事情是，
07:11
Nicholas Negroponte talked to us about one lap dance per --
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Nicholas Negroponte 谈到的的每人一支膝上舞（艳舞的一种，英文为lap dance,与下文的笔记本电脑laptop 读音相似） ——
07:13
I'm sorry --
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对不起——
07:14
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
07:23
about One Laptop Per Child.
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是每个孩子一台笔记本电脑。
07:25
Now let's talk about some of the characteristics
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现在我们来谈谈它的一些特征，
07:27
that are important for this revolutionary device.
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一些对于这个革命性的设备非常重要的特征。
07:29
I'll tell you a little bit about the design parameters,
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我会告诉大家一些设计限定因素，
07:31
and then I'll show it to you in person.
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然后我会亲自给大家展示成品。
07:33
First of all, it needs to be small.
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首先，它应该很小。
07:35
It needs to be flat, so it's transportable.
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它应该是平的，所以便于运输。
07:37
Lightweight. Portable.
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重量轻，便携。
07:39
Uses very, very little power.
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能耗非常非常低。
07:41
Very, very high resolution.
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分辨率非常非常高。
07:43
Has to be visible in bright daylight. Will work anywhere.
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在强烈的日光下可视。可以在任何地点工作。
07:46
And broadly applicable across many platforms.
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能够适用于多种平台。
07:49
Now, we've actually done some research --
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现在，我们已经做过了很多实际的调查，
07:51
Neil Gershenfeld and the Fab Labs went out into the market.
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Neil Gershenfeld和Fab实验室实际调查了市场。
07:54
They did some research; we came back; and we think we have the perfect prototype
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他们做了一些研究，回来以后，我们认为找到了一个完美的原型。
07:58
of what the students in the field are actually asking for.
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它正是那些偏远地区的学生们真正想要的。
08:02
And here it is,
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这就是它，
08:04
the $100 computer.
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100美元的电脑。
08:06
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
08:13
OK, OK, OK, OK -- excellent, excellent.
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好的，好的，好的，好的——太棒了，太棒了。
08:19
Now, I bought this device from Clifford Stoll for about 900 bucks.
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现在，我从Clifford Stoll那花了900块买了这个设备。
08:23
And he and his team of junior-high school students
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他和他的高中学生组成的团队
08:26
were doing real science.
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正在做真正的科学项目。
08:28
So we're trying to check and trying to douse here,
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所以我们想在这里检验一下，
08:30
and see who uses marijuana.
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找出谁吸大麻。
08:32
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
08:33
See who uses marijuana.
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它可以找出谁在用大麻。
08:35
Are we going to be able to find any marijuana, Jim Young?
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Jim Young，我们能找到大麻吗？
08:38
Only if we open enough locker doors.
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除非我们打开足够多的储物箱。
08:41
(Laughter)
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(笑声）
08:44
OK, now smallpox is an extremely distressing illness.
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好的，天花是一种让人无比痛苦的疾病。
08:48
We had Dr. Larry Brilliant talking about how we eradicated smallpox.
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Larry博士为在会上为我们讲了如何根除天花。
08:52
I wanted to show you the stages of smallpox.
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我想为大家演示一下天花的发展阶段。
08:55
We start. This is day one.
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开始了。这是第一天。
08:57
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
09:00
Day two.
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第二天。
09:02
Day three, she gets a massively big pox on her shoulder.
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第三天，她的肩膀上起了一个大大的脓包。
09:06
Day three.
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第三天。
09:08
Day four.
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第四天。
09:10
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
09:11
Day five
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第五天。
09:13
and day six.
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到了第六天。
09:15
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
09:16
Now the good news is, because I'm a trained medical professional,
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好消息是，由于我是一个经过了训练的医学教授，
09:19
I know that even though she'll be scarred for life,
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我知道虽然她将一生带着疤痕生活，
09:21
she's going to make a full recovery.
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但是她会痊愈。
09:23
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
09:30
Now the good news about Architects for Humanity
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这里有一条关于人道主义建筑师的好消息，
09:33
is they're really kind of the most amazing group.
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他们真的是最让人惊喜的团队。
09:36
They've been sponsoring a design competition
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他们资助了一个设计竞赛
09:38
to come up with innovative medical housing solutions,
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去寻找创造性的医疗场所解决方案，
09:40
clinic solutions, in Africa,
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诊所的解决方案，在非洲，
09:42
and they've had a design competition.
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他们为此举行了一场设计竞赛。
09:45
Now the wonderful thing is, Larry Brilliant was just appointed
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令人赞叹的是，Larry Brilliant刚刚被
09:48
the head of the Google Foundation,
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任命为了Google基金会的主席
09:50
and so he decided that he would support --
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所以他做出决定支持——
09:53
he would support Cameron's work.
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他将会支持Cameron的工作。
09:55
And the way he decided to support that work
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他所选择的支持方式
09:58
was by shipping over 50,000 shipping containers
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是通过水路运送5000集装箱的
10:00
of Google snacks.
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Google小食品。
10:02
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
10:04
So I want to show you some prototypes.
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我想给大家看一些原型。
10:11
The U.N. -- you know, they took 20 years just to add a flap to a tent,
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联合国——你们都知道，他们花了20年才给帐篷加上盖子。
10:14
but I think we have some more exciting things.
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但是我觉得我们有一些更让人兴奋的东西。
10:17
This is a home made entirely out of Fruit Roll-Ups.
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这是一个完全由水果糖建造的房屋。
10:20
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
10:23
(Applause)
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（掌声）
10:29
And those roll-up cookies coated with white chocolate.
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这些水果糖外面覆盖着白巧克力。
10:32
And the really wonderful thing about this is,
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关于这个东西最让人兴奋的是，
10:34
when you're done, well --
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用完以后——
10:36
you can eat it.
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你可以把它吃掉。
10:39
But the thing that I'm really, really excited about
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但是真真正正让我兴奋的
10:42
is this incredible granola house.
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是这栋不可思议的格兰诺拉麦片房子(源出商标名,一种添加了干果蔬等的松脆熟燕麦片)。
10:44
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
10:45
And the granola house has a special Sun Chip roof
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这栋格兰诺拉麦片房子有一个太阳能板屋顶
10:48
to collect water and recycle it.
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来收集和循环利用水。
10:50
And it's -- well, on this side it has regular Sour Patch Kids
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而且它的——啊，在这一边它有一个普通的Sour Patch Kids牌糖果
10:54
and Gummy Bears to let in the light.
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和让光线通过的Gummy Bears果味软糖。
10:56
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
10:57
But on this side, it has sugary Gummy Bears,
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但是在这一边，它有含糖的Gummy Bears牌糖果，
10:59
to diffuse the light more slightly.
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来轻微地散射阳光。
11:02
And we -- we wanted just to show you what this might look like in situ.
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而且我们——我们想要让大家看看真实环境中的效果。
11:06
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
11:10
(Applause)
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（掌声）
11:17
So, Einstein --
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那么，爱因斯坦——
11:20
Einstein, tell me --
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爱因斯坦，告诉我——
11:23
what's your favorite song?
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你最喜欢的歌是哪一首？
11:26
No, I said what's your favorite song?
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不，我说的是你最喜欢的歌？
11:31
No, I said what's your favorite song?
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不，我说的是你最喜欢的歌？
11:34
"Free Bird."
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“自由鸟”
11:36
(Laughter)
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(笑声）
11:39
(Applause)
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（掌声）
11:45
OK, so, Einstein,
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好的，那么，爱因斯坦，
11:48
what's your favorite singing group?
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你最喜欢的演唱组合是？
11:53
Could you say that again? What's your favorite singing group?
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你能再说一遍吗？你最喜欢的演唱组合是？
11:59
OK, one more time -- I'm just going to give you a little help.
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好吧，再来一次——我会给你一点小小的帮助。
12:01
Your favorite singing group -- it's Diana Ross and the --
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你最喜欢的演唱组合是——是Diana Ross和——
12:05
Audience: Supremes!
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观众：至上合唱团Supremes！
12:06
Tom Reilly: Exactly.
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Tom Reilly：完全正确。
12:08
(Applause)
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（掌声）
12:16
Could we have the sound up on the laptop, please?
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我们在笔记本电脑上播放一下，好吗？
12:18
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
12:20
"Free Bird" kind of reminds me that if you --
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“自由鸟”让我想起如果你——
12:21
if you listen to "Free Bird" backwards,
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如果你倒着听“自由鸟”
12:23
this is what you might hear.
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你可能会听到这个。
12:26
Computer: Satan. Satan. Satan. Satan.
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电脑：撒旦。撒旦。撒旦。撒旦。
12:32
Satan. Satan. Satan.
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撒旦。撒旦。撒旦。
12:35
TR: Now it's a little hard to hear the whole message, so I wanted to --
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TR：这样想听到完整的信息有点难，所以我想要——
12:37
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
12:39
so I wanted to help you a little bit.
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所以我想要给大家一点帮助。
12:47
Computer: My sweet Satan. Dan Dennett worships Satan.
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电脑：我亲爱的撒旦。Dan Dennett崇拜撒旦。
12:51
Buy "The Purpose-Driven Life," or Satan will take your soul.
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买“鼠海豚驱动的生活”吧，不然撒旦就会偷走你的灵魂。
12:55
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
13:06
TR: So,
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TR：那么，
13:08
we've talked a lot about global warming,
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我们已经谈了很多的全球变暖，
13:10
but, you know, as Jill said, it sounds kind of nice --
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但是，你知道，就像Jill说的，它听起来还蛮不错的——
13:13
good weather in the wintertime, and New York City.
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冬天也有不错的天气，就像纽约市的冬天。
13:16
And as Jay Walker pointed out, that is just not scary enough.
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就像Jay Walker所指出的，这实在是不够吓人。
13:21
So Al, I actually think I'm rather good at branding.
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所以AI戈尔先生，我真的认为我很善于宣传。
13:24
So I've tried to figure out a good design process
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所以我尝试找出一种好的设计程序
13:27
to come up with a new term to replace "global warming."
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来给“全球变暖”找出一个新定义。
13:30
So we started with Babel Fish. We put in global warming.
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我们从Babel Fish开始。我们输入全球变暖。
13:34
And then we decided that we'd change it from English to Dutch --
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然后我们将它从英语翻译成荷兰语——
13:36
into "Het globale Verwarmen."
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变为“Het globale Verwarmen.”
13:39
From Dutch to [Korean], into "Hordahordaneecheewa."
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从荷兰语到中文（实际上为韩文）“Hordahordaneecheewa."
13:42
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
13:43
[Korean] to Portuguese: Aquecer-se Global.
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中文到葡萄牙语：Aquecer-se Global。
13:46
Then Portuguese to Pig Latin.
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然后葡萄牙语到儿童黑话（故意颠倒英语字母顺序拼凑而成的行话）
13:48
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
13:58
Aquecer-se ucked-fay.
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Aquecer-se ucked-fay。
14:00
And then finally back into the English,
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然后最终回到英语，
14:03
which is, we're totally fucked.
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也就是，我们都被整惨了。
14:05
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
14:07
(Applause)
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（掌声）
14:13
Now I don't know about you,
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我不知道你们怎么想，
14:15
but Michael Shermer talked about the willingness for human beings --
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但是Michael Shermer谈到了人类的期望，
14:18
evolutionarily, they're designed to see patterns in things.
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由于进化，人类被设计成在事物中寻找模式。
14:21
For example, in cheese sandwiches.
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例如，在奶酪三明治中。
14:24
Now can you look at that carefully and see if you see the Virgin Mary?
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现在，仔细的观察看看你能不能发现圣母玛丽娅。
14:28
I tried to make it a little bit clearer.
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我尝试着将它变得更明显一些。
14:30
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
14:34
Is it the Virgin Mary?
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这是圣母玛利亚？
14:36
Or is it Mena Trott?
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还是Mena Trott？
14:41
So, I talked to Josh Prince-Ramus about the convention center
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我和Josh Prince-Ramus谈到了会议中心的事
14:43
and the conferences. It's getting awfully big.
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还有大会的事情。它正在变得令人发指的大。
14:45
It's getting just a little bit too big. It's bursting at the seams here a little bit.
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它是在有点太大了。他都快把这挤爆了。
14:48
So we tried to come up with a program --
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所以我们尝试着找到一个方案——
14:50
how we could remake this structure to better accommodate TED.
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让我们可以调整这个结构使它更适合TED。
14:53
So first of all we decided --
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首先，我们决定——
14:55
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
14:56
that we needed about one-third bookstore,
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我们需要三分之一的书店，
14:58
one-third Google cafe,
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三分之一谷歌咖啡，
15:00
about 20 percent registration, 80 percent luxury hotel,
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20%接待中心，80%奢华酒店，
15:03
about five percent for restrooms.
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大约5%作为休息室。
15:05
And then of course, we wanted to have the simulcast lounge,
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然后，我们还要有电视演播大厅，
15:07
the lobby and the Steinbeck forum.
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大堂和Steinbeck论坛。
15:08
Now let me show you how that
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现在，让我给你们展示一下
15:10
literally translated into the design program.
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直接翻译成设计方案。
15:13
So first,
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所以首先，
15:15
one of the problems with Monterey is that if there is global warming
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Monterey面临的一个问题是，如果全球变暖
15:17
and Greenland melts as you say, the ocean level
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而且像大家说的格陵兰岛冰川融化，海平面
15:19
is going to rise 20 feet and flood the hell out of the convention center.
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将上升20英尺（1英尺=30.48 厘米）会议中心将完全被淹没。
15:23
So we're going to build this new building on stilts.
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所以我们将要在一个支柱上面建造新建筑。
15:25
So we build this building on stilts,
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我们把这个建在支柱上，
15:27
then up here --
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然后在这——
15:29
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
15:30
is where we're going to put the new Steinbeck auditorium.
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我们将要设置全新的Steinbeck礼堂。
15:32
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
15:33
And the wonderful thing about the new bookstore is,
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一个关于书店的令人激动的事情是，
15:36
it's going to be shaped in a spiral that's organized by the Dewey Decimal System.
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它的形状将是一条由Dewey Decimal 系统生成的螺旋线。
15:40
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
15:42
Then we're going to make an escalator that helps you get up there.
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然后我们会用一个自动扶梯帮助大家到达这里。
15:45
And finally, we're going to put the Marriott Hotel
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最后，我们将会把Marriott Hotel放在
15:48
and the Portola Plaza on the top.
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对了还有Portola购物广场放在顶端。
15:50
(Applause)
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（掌声）
15:54
Now I don't know about you, but sometimes I have these images in my head
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我不知道你们，但是有的时候我的头脑中会有这些
15:57
of separated at birth.
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一产生就很分裂的印象。
15:59
I don't know about you, but when I see Aubrey de Grey,
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不知道你们怎么样，但是当我看到Aubrey de Grey时，
16:02
I immediately go to Gandalf the Grey.
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我马上就会想到灰袍甘道夫（魔戒三部曲中的魔法师）。
16:05
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
16:09
OK. Now, we've heard, of course,
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好的。先在，我们当然都听说过，
16:11
that we're all soldiers here.
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我们都是战士。
16:14
So what I'd really, really like you to do now is,
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所以我现在真的，真的希望你们做的一件事是
16:16
pick up your white piece of paper. Does everybody have their white piece of paper?
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拿起你们的白纸。有人没有白纸吗？
16:20
And I want you to get out a pen,
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然后我希望你们拿出一支笔，
16:23
and I want you to write a terrorist note.
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我希望你们写一封恐吓信。
16:25
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
16:28
If we put up the ELMO for a moment --
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如果我们进行一会儿工程与后勤管理
16:31
if we put up the ELMO, then we'll get, you know,
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ELMO，我们会得到，你们知道的，
16:33
I'll give you a model that you can work from, OK?
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我会给你们一个范例，好吗？
16:37
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
16:39
And then I want you to fold that note into a paper airplane.
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然后我希望你们把它折成一个纸飞机。
16:44
And once you've folded it into a paper airplane,
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一旦你完成了折叠飞机，
16:46
I want you to take some anthrax --
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我希望你拿一点炭疽——
16:48
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
16:50
and I want you to put that in the paper airplane.
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把他们放在纸飞机里。
16:53
And then I want you to throw it on Jim Young.
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然后把飞机扔向Jim Young。
16:55
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
16:58
Luckily, I was the recipient of the TED Prize this year.
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很幸运的，我是TED奖励基金今年的获奖者。
17:02
And I wanted to see --
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我想看到——
17:04
I want to dedicate this film to my father, Homer.
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我想要将这部短片献给我的父亲，Homer。
17:07
OK.
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好的。
17:15
Now this film isn't really hard enough,
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现在这部电影实在是不够难度。
17:17
so I wanted to make it a little bit harder.
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所以我想让它变得更难一些。
17:19
So I'm going to try and do this while reciting pi.
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所以我将要一边背诵圆周率一边这样做。
17:21
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
17:22
3.1415,
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3.1415,
17:25
2657,
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2657，
17:27
753,
343
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753，
17:29
8567,
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8567，
17:33
24972 --
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24972——
17:35
-- 85871, 25871,
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-- 85871, 25871,
17:40
3928, 5657,
347
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4000
3928, 5657,
17:46
2592, 5624.
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2592, 5624.
17:49
(Applause)
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（掌声）
17:56
Can we cue the music please?
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请放音乐好吗？
18:14
(Applause)
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（掌声）
18:25
Now I wanted to use this talk to talk about global warming a little bit.
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现在我想谈一点全球变暖的事情。
18:30
Back in 1968,
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追溯到1968年，
18:32
you can see that the mountain range of Brokeback Mountain
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你可以看到断背山山脉
18:35
was covered in 151 inches of snow pack.
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覆盖着151英寸的积雪。
18:40
Parenthetically, over there on the slopes,
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顺便说一句，在这一带的山坡上，
18:42
I did want to show you that black men ski.
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我并不想让你们看到的是有黑人在滑雪。
18:46
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
18:52
But over the years,
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但是随着时间的推移，
18:55
10 years later, the snow packs eroded,
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10年之后，积雪的范围缩小了，
18:57
and, if you notice, the trees have started turning yellow.
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而且，如果你注意观察，树木开始变黄了。
18:59
The water level of the lake has started drying up.
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湖面的高度由于蒸发开始下降。
19:04
A few years later, there's no snow left at all.
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几年之后，积雪已经全部融化。
19:07
And all the trees have turned brown.
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所有的树木都枯萎了。
19:11
This year, unfortunately the lakebed's
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这一年，很不幸的，湖床
19:13
turned into an absolute cracked dry bed.
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彻彻底底地龟裂干涸了。
19:16
And I fear, if we do nothing for our planet,
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我感到很不安，如果我们不为我们的星球做任何事的话，
19:19
in 20 years, it's going to look like this.
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在20年内，它将会变成这个样子。
19:24
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
19:37
Mr. Vice President, I wish I knew how to quit you.
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副总统先生，但愿我知道世界没了你会变成啥样。
19:42
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
19:43
(Applause)
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（掌声）
19:47
Thank you very much.
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非常感谢大家。
19:48
(Applause)
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掌声
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Tom Rielly - SatiristTraditionally, Tom Rielly closes the TED Conference with a merciless 18-minute monologue, skewering all the speakers with his deadpan delivery, spot-on satire and boundary-less performance (complete with PowerPoint, pratfalls and partial nudity).
Why you should listen
Talk a walk back through the history of digital media, and you'll find our colleague Tom Rielly every step along the way. He entered the mediasphere with a memorable turn in the 1980 film My Bodyguard. A lifelong performer, he soon found a second love in personal computing. He recognized early on the incredible power of Macs, CD-ROMs and the Web, founding Yale's Macintosh User Group in 1984, then working at SuperMac, Farallon and Voyager, among other pioneering companies.
Rielly is perhaps best-known for co-founding PlanetOut, the first digital home for gays and lesbians, which went public in 2004. He also co-founded the influential nonprofit Digital Queers. As TED's Director of Partnerships, Tom now choreographs the wide range of collaborations that help bring TED to life, at the conference and online. But he's found his true vocation as TED's resident satirist, a role he's played for more than a decade.
Since 1995, Rielly has been hijacking the final session of the conference with his whip-smart satire of all the speakers who came before him -- skewering the egos, mocking the flights of fancy, parroting the doomsday predictions, and imagining a world where Al Gore tells him "I can't quit you."
Fearless and unfailingly funny, Tom's lightning performances bring a flash of brilliance to the closing session and draw a standing ovation every time.
Tom Rielly | Speaker | TED.com