TED2006
Tom Rielly: A comic sendup of TED2006
Tom Rielly對TED2006詼諧的模仿
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諷刺作家Tom Rielly在2006年TED大會上發表了一個絕妙的詼諧模仿，惡搞百元電腦、北極熊的困境，和那些一再提到自己在哈佛工作的人。注意Tom和高爾副總統特別的互動。
Tom Rielly - Satirist
Traditionally, Tom Rielly closes the TED Conference with a merciless 18-minute monologue, skewering all the speakers with his deadpan delivery, spot-on satire and boundary-less performance (complete with PowerPoint, pratfalls and partial nudity). Full bio
Traditionally, Tom Rielly closes the TED Conference with a merciless 18-minute monologue, skewering all the speakers with his deadpan delivery, spot-on satire and boundary-less performance (complete with PowerPoint, pratfalls and partial nudity). Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:31
I just want to say, over the last few years I've been --
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我只是想說，在過去的幾年中，我—
00:35
had the opportunity to do this closing conference.
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一直都有機會來做這個大會的閉幕。
00:38
And I've had some incredible warm-up acts.
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我已經做好一些很好的暖身。
00:43
About eight years ago,
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大約八年前，
00:45
Billy Graham opened for me.
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Billy Graham(葛理翰牧師)幫我開了個頭。
00:47
And I thought that there was --
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我認為—
00:49
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
00:50
I thought that there was absolutely no way
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我認為絕對不可能
00:53
in hell to top that.
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絕不可能超越那個了♫
00:55
But I just wanted to say --
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但我只想說—
00:58
and I mean this without irony --
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且我沒有帶任何諷刺的意思—
01:00
I think I can speak for everybody in the audience
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我想我可以代表在場的每一位觀眾
01:04
when I say that I wish to God that you were the President of the United States.
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當我說我向上帝許願你是美國的總統。
01:08
(Applause)
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(掌聲)
01:14
OK, this is the title of my talk today.
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好的，這是我今天演講的主題。
01:17
(Laughter)
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猛然吞下死亡 (笑聲)
01:21
I just want to give you a quick overview.
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我只想給你們一個快速簡短的概要。
01:24
First of all, please remember I'm completely politically correct,
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首先，請記住我所敘述的完全沒有冒犯之意，
01:27
and I mean everything with great affection.
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且我所說的一切都是肺腑之言。
01:29
If any of you have sensitive stomachs or are feeling queasy,
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如果你們有人覺得反胃的話，
01:32
now is the time to check your Blackberry.
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那就正是看你們黑莓機的時候。
01:34
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
01:36
Just to review, this is my TEDTalk.
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這是我TED演講的備忘小抄。
01:40
We're going to do some jokes,
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我們將會講一些笑話，
01:42
some gags,
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開一些玩笑。
01:46
some little skits --
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一些幽默諷刺短劇－
01:48
and then we're going to talk about the L1 point.
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然後我們會談一談L1的要點。
01:50
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
01:53
So, one of the questions I ask myself
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我問我自己一個問題，
01:56
is, was this the most distressing TED ever?
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這是不是有史以來最令人痛苦的TED大會？
01:59
Let's try and sum things up, shall we?
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我們一起來總結一下好不好？
02:02
Images of limb regeneration
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殘肢再造
02:04
and faces filled with smallpox:
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和長滿天花的臉：
02:06
21 percent of the conference.
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佔大會的21%
02:07
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
02:09
Mentions of polar bears drowning: four percent.
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說到北極熊溺死：佔4%。
02:13
Images of the earth being wiped out by flood or bird flu: 64 percent.
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地球毀於大洪水或禽流感的影像的比例：佔64%。
02:17
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
02:18
And David Pogue singing show tunes.
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和David Pogue的現場演唱。
02:21
(Applause)
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(掌聲)
02:23
Because this is the most distressing TED ever,
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因為這是有史以來最令人痛苦的一次TED大會，
02:25
I've been working with Neil Gershenfeld on next year's TED Bag.
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我和Neil Gershenfeld已經開始著手明年TED的手提包。
02:28
And if the -- if the conference is anywhere near this distressing,
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如果明年的大會與今年的痛苦程度相當的話，
02:31
then we're going to have a scream bag next year.
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那我們明年將會弄一個尖叫提包。
02:33
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
02:37
It's going to be a cradle-to-cradle scream bag, of course.
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當然，這將會是一個環保的尖叫提包。
02:39
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
02:41
So you're going to be able to go like this.
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你們可以這樣做。
02:44
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
02:48
Bring it over here
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把它帶到這裡來
02:53
and open it up. Aaaah!
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然後打開。啊!!!!!!
02:55
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
03:04
Meanwhile, back at TED University,
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同時，回來看TED大學，
03:07
this wonderful woman is teaching you how to chop Sun Chips.
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這位美麗的女士正在教你如何切洋芋片。
03:10
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
03:18
So Robert Wright -- I don't know,
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關於Robert Wright－我不知道，
03:21
I felt like if there was anyone that Helen needed to give antidepressants to,
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我覺得如果Helen有要給誰抗憂鬱藥物的話，
03:24
it might have been him.
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那應該是他。
03:25
I want to deliberately interfere with his dopamine levels.
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我想故意干擾他的多巴胺程度。
03:28
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
03:29
He was talking about morality.
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他在會上談論道德。
03:32
Economy class morality is,
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經濟艙乘客的道德觀是，
03:34
we want to bomb you back to the Stone Age.
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我們想要把你們炸回石器時代。
03:36
Business class morality is,
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商務艙的道德觀是，
03:38
don't bomb Japan -- they built my car.
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不要轟炸日本—他們幫我們製造車子。
03:40
And first-class morality is, don't bomb Mexico -- they clean my house.
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而頭等艙的道德觀點是，不要轟炸墨西哥—他們幫我們打掃房子。
03:44
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
03:46
Yes, it is politically incorrect.
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是的，這的確是很冒犯的。
03:50
All right,
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好的，
03:52
now I want to do a little bit of a thing for you ...
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現在我想讓大家看點東西…
03:54
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
04:00
All right, now these are the wha --
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好的，這些東西是－
04:02
I'd say, [mumble, mumble --
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我想說，嗚啦，嗚啦，
04:05
mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble,
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嗚啦，嗚啦，嗚啦，嗚啦，
04:08
mumble] -- ahh!
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嗚啦---啊!!!!
04:12
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
04:15
So I wanted to show you guys --
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我想秀給你們看的－
04:17
I wanted to talk about a revolutionary new computer interface
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我想談一談一種有關革命性的新型電腦介面
04:20
that lets you work with images just as easily
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這可以讓你非常容易處理圖像－
04:25
as you -- as a completely natural user interface.
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就像一種完全自然的用戶介面。
04:27
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
04:32
And you can --
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而且你能夠－
04:33
you can use really natural hand gestures
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你可以用很自然的手勢
04:35
to like, go like this.
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就像，就像這樣做。
04:37
(Applause)
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(掌聲)
04:43
Now we had a Harvard professor here --
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現在，我們這裡有一個哈佛大學的教授，
04:45
she was from Harvard, I just wanted to mention and --
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她來自哈佛，我需要強調一下－
04:47
and she was actually a professor from Harvard.
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她真的是一個哈佛大學的教授。
04:51
And she was talking about seven-dimensional, inverted universes.
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她談論的是有關七次元的，反轉的宇宙。
04:55
With, you know, of course, there's the gravity brain.
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你知道的，當然擁有很好的頭腦。
04:57
There's the weak brain. And then there's my weak brain,
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也有那種不好的頭腦。還有因為我這個不好的頭腦，
05:00
which is too -- too -- absolutely too weak to understand
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它實在是太—太—太弱了以致於無法了解
05:02
what the fuck she was talking about.
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她到底在說什麼。
05:04
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
05:06
Now --
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現在，
05:08
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
05:13
one of the things that is very important to me
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有件事情對我來說很重要
05:15
is to try and figure out what on Earth am I here for.
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就是釐清我究竟為什麼在這裡。
05:19
And that's why I went out
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所以，我就出去晃一晃
05:20
and I picked up a best-selling business book.
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並發現了一本暢銷的商業書籍。
05:22
You know, it basically uses as its central premise Greek mythology.
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你知道嗎，它基本上是將希臘神話作為核心前提。
05:26
And it's by a guy named Pastor Rick Warren,
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作者是個叫做Pastor Rick Warren的人，
05:29
and it's called
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書名叫做
05:31
"The Porpoise Driven Life."
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｢被海豚駕馭的生活｣
05:33
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
05:36
And Rick is as
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而且Rick就像
05:39
a pagan god,
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一個異教徒的上帝，
05:41
which I thought was kind of appropriate,
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從某方面看，
05:43
in a certain way.
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我覺得這種說法比較恰當。
05:45
And now we're going to have kind of
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現在，我們將看到一些
05:47
a little more visualization about Rick Warren.
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更進一步來把Rick Warren視覺化。
05:56
OK.
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好了。
05:59
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
06:06
All right.
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好。
06:09
Now, red is Rick Warren,
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現在，紅色代表的是Rick Warren，
06:11
and green is Daniel Dennett, OK?
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而綠色代表的是Daniel Dennett，好嗎?
06:14
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
06:17
The scales here are religiosity from zero percent,
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橫向坐標軸是信仰程度，從0%，
06:21
or atheist, to 100 percent, Bible literally true.
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或稱無神論者，到100%，也就是相信聖經絕對正確的。
06:24
And then this is books sold -- the logarithmic scale.
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而縱座標是書的銷售量。
06:28
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
06:32
30,000, 300,000, three million, 30 million, 300 million.
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三萬、三十萬、三百萬、三千萬、三億。
06:35
OK, now they're duking it out. Now they're duking it out.
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好的，他們正激烈的交鋒。現在他們正在激烈的交鋒。
06:37
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
06:39
And Rick Warren's kind of pulling ahead, kind of pulling ahead.
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Rick Warren領先了一些，領先了一些。
06:41
Yup, and his installed base is getting a little bigger.
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是的，他所佔的面積擴大了一些。
06:45
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
06:50
But Darwin's dangerous idea is coming back. It's coming back.
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但是達爾文可怕的想法回來了。它回來了。
06:54
Let me turn the trails on, so you can see that a little bit better.
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讓我把軌跡叫出來，好讓你們看得更清楚。
06:56
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
07:03
(Applause)
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(掌聲)
07:09
Now, one of the things that's very important is,
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現在，有一件很重要的事情是，
07:11
Nicholas Negroponte talked to us about one lap dance per --
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Nicholas Negroponte談到每人大腿舞
07:13
I'm sorry --
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對不起－
07:14
(Laughter)
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(註: laptop(筆電)與lap dance(大腿舞)發音相似。)
07:23
about One Laptop Per Child.
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是每個孩子擁有一台筆記型電腦。
07:25
Now let's talk about some of the characteristics
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現在我們來談談它的一些特徵
07:27
that are important for this revolutionary device.
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對於這革命性的設備來說非常重要的特徵。
07:29
I'll tell you a little bit about the design parameters,
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我會告訴大家一些有關設計的因素，
07:31
and then I'll show it to you in person.
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然後我會親自為大家展示成品。
07:33
First of all, it needs to be small.
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首先，它應該要很小。
07:35
It needs to be flat, so it's transportable.
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它應該是扁平的，以便於運輸。
07:37
Lightweight. Portable.
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重量輕巧。便於攜帶。
07:39
Uses very, very little power.
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非常非常低的耗能。
07:41
Very, very high resolution.
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解析度非常非常高。
07:43
Has to be visible in bright daylight. Will work anywhere.
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在強烈的日光下清晰可見。可以在任何地點工作。
07:46
And broadly applicable across many platforms.
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且能夠適用於多種平台。
07:49
Now, we've actually done some research --
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現在，我們實際上已經做過一些調查－
07:51
Neil Gershenfeld and the Fab Labs went out into the market.
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Neil Gershenfeld以及Fab實驗室實際做了市場調查。
07:54
They did some research; we came back; and we think we have the perfect prototype
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他們做了一些研究，回來之後，我們認為找到了完美的原型
07:58
of what the students in the field are actually asking for.
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那正是那些偏遠地區的學生們真正想要的。
08:02
And here it is,
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就是這個，
08:04
the $100 computer.
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百元的電腦。
08:06
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
08:13
OK, OK, OK, OK -- excellent, excellent.
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好的，好的，好的，好的—太棒了，太棒了。
08:19
Now, I bought this device from Clifford Stoll for about 900 bucks.
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現在，我從Clifford Stoll那裡花了約900元買了這個設備。
08:23
And he and his team of junior-high school students
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他和他的國中學生所組成的團隊
08:26
were doing real science.
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正在做真正的科學實驗。
08:28
So we're trying to check and trying to douse here,
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所以我們想在這裡測試一下，
08:30
and see who uses marijuana.
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看看誰有吸大麻。
08:32
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
08:33
See who uses marijuana.
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看看誰有吸大麻。
08:35
Are we going to be able to find any marijuana, Jim Young?
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Jim Young，我們能找到大麻嗎?
08:38
Only if we open enough locker doors.
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只要我們置物櫃開的夠多的話就可以。
08:41
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
08:44
OK, now smallpox is an extremely distressing illness.
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好的，天花是一種令人痛苦無比的疾病。
08:48
We had Dr. Larry Brilliant talking about how we eradicated smallpox.
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我們將會讓Larry Brilliant博士跟我們講如何消除天花。
08:52
I wanted to show you the stages of smallpox.
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我想為大家展示一下長天花的過程。
08:55
We start. This is day one.
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開始了。 這是第一天。
08:57
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
09:00
Day two.
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第二天。
09:02
Day three, she gets a massively big pox on her shoulder.
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第三天，她的肩膀上長了一個非常大的膿泡。
09:06
Day three.
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第三天。
09:08
Day four.
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第四天。
09:10
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
09:11
Day five
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第五天。
09:13
and day six.
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第六天。
09:15
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
09:16
Now the good news is, because I'm a trained medical professional,
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有好消息是，由於我是個經過訓練的醫學專家，
09:19
I know that even though she'll be scarred for life,
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我知道雖然她將一生帶著疤痕生活，
09:21
she's going to make a full recovery.
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但是她會痊癒的。
09:23
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
09:30
Now the good news about Architects for Humanity
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這裡有個關於人道建築師的好消息，
09:33
is they're really kind of the most amazing group.
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他們真的是最讓人驚嘆的團隊。
09:36
They've been sponsoring a design competition
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他們贊助了一個設計比賽
09:38
to come up with innovative medical housing solutions,
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以尋找創新的醫療場所的解決方案，
09:40
clinic solutions, in Africa,
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診所的解決方案，在非洲。
09:42
and they've had a design competition.
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所以他們舉辦了一場設計比賽。
09:45
Now the wonderful thing is, Larry Brilliant was just appointed
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讓人驚嘆的事是，Larry Brilliant剛剛被指派
09:48
the head of the Google Foundation,
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被指派為Google基金會的主席。
09:50
and so he decided that he would support --
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所以他決定他將會支持—
09:53
he would support Cameron's work.
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他將會支持Cameron的工作。
09:55
And the way he decided to support that work
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他支持的方式是
09:58
was by shipping over 50,000 shipping containers
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是藉由運送超過五萬箱
10:00
of Google snacks.
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的Google點心。
10:02
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
10:04
So I want to show you some prototypes.
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我想給大家看一些原型。
10:11
The U.N. -- you know, they took 20 years just to add a flap to a tent,
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聯合國—你們知道的，他們花了20年才將帳篷加上罩子。
10:14
but I think we have some more exciting things.
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但我想我們有一些讓人更興奮的東西。
10:17
This is a home made entirely out of Fruit Roll-Ups.
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這是一個完全用水果捲糖做成的房子。
10:20
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
10:23
(Applause)
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(掌聲)
10:29
And those roll-up cookies coated with white chocolate.
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而這些捲糖、裹著白巧克力。
10:32
And the really wonderful thing about this is,
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這房子更棒的地方，
10:34
when you're done, well --
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就是在你完成後－
10:36
you can eat it.
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你可以吃了它。
10:39
But the thing that I'm really, really excited about
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但其實最讓我感到興奮的
10:42
is this incredible granola house.
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是這個令人難以置信的穀片屋。
10:44
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
10:45
And the granola house has a special Sun Chip roof
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穀片屋上有特別的洋芋片作為屋頂
10:48
to collect water and recycle it.
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用以收集和再利用水資源。
10:50
And it's -- well, on this side it has regular Sour Patch Kids
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而這－嗯，在這面它有排列整齊的酸甜軟糖
10:54
and Gummy Bears to let in the light.
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和小熊軟糖使光線進入。
10:56
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
10:57
But on this side, it has sugary Gummy Bears,
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但在這一面，則有著撒上糖粉的小熊軟糖，
10:59
to diffuse the light more slightly.
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將光線漫射得更柔和。
11:02
And we -- we wanted just to show you what this might look like in situ.
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而我們－我們只是想要讓你們知道它在原位上看起來可能如何。
11:06
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
11:10
(Applause)
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(掌聲)
11:17
So, Einstein --
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那麼、Einstein－
11:20
Einstein, tell me --
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Einstein，告訴我－
11:23
what's your favorite song?
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你最喜歡哪首歌？
11:26
No, I said what's your favorite song?
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不、我說，你最喜歡哪首歌？
11:31
No, I said what's your favorite song?
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不、我說，你最喜歡哪首歌？
11:34
"Free Bird."
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"自由的鳥"
11:36
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
11:39
(Applause)
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(掌聲)
11:45
OK, so, Einstein,
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好，那、Einstein，
11:48
what's your favorite singing group?
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你最喜歡哪個歌唱團體？
11:53
Could you say that again? What's your favorite singing group?
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你可以再說一次嗎？你最喜歡哪個歌唱團體？
11:59
OK, one more time -- I'm just going to give you a little help.
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好，再來一次－我會給你一點提示。
12:01
Your favorite singing group -- it's Diana Ross and the --
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你最喜歡的歌唱團體－是Diana Ross & the－
12:05
Audience: Supremes!
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觀眾：Supremes！
12:06
Tom Reilly: Exactly.
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Tom Reilly：完全正確。
12:08
(Applause)
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(掌聲)
12:16
Could we have the sound up on the laptop, please?
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我們可以把筆電聲音放大聲一些嗎？
12:18
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
12:20
"Free Bird" kind of reminds me that if you --
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"自由的鳥"讓我想起假如你們－
12:21
if you listen to "Free Bird" backwards,
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假如你們倒著聽"自由的鳥"，
12:23
this is what you might hear.
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這可能是你們會聽到的。
12:26
Computer: Satan. Satan. Satan. Satan.
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電腦：撒旦。撒旦。撒旦。撒旦。
12:32
Satan. Satan. Satan.
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撒旦。撒旦。撒旦。
12:35
TR: Now it's a little hard to hear the whole message, so I wanted to --
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Tom Reilly:目前為止要聽出完整的訊息是有一點難，所以我想－
12:37
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
12:39
so I wanted to help you a little bit.
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所以我想給你們一些幫助。
12:47
Computer: My sweet Satan. Dan Dennett worships Satan.
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電腦：我親愛的撒旦。Dan Dennett崇拜撒旦。
12:51
Buy "The Purpose-Driven Life," or Satan will take your soul.
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買一本“標竿人生”，否則撒旦將帶走你的靈魂。
12:55
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
13:06
TR: So,
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Tom Reilly: 所以，
13:08
we've talked a lot about global warming,
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關於全球暖化，我們已經談了很多，
13:10
but, you know, as Jill said, it sounds kind of nice --
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但你們知道、就像Jill說過，這聽起來是種不錯的－
13:13
good weather in the wintertime, and New York City.
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好天氣在冬天和紐約市。
13:16
And as Jay Walker pointed out, that is just not scary enough.
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而且正如Jay Walker所指，這並不足以令人毛骨悚然。
13:21
So Al, I actually think I'm rather good at branding.
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所以，高爾先生，我真的認為我很擅長作宣傳。
13:24
So I've tried to figure out a good design process
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我曾經試圖找出一個好的設計流程
13:27
to come up with a new term to replace "global warming."
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來想出一個新的名詞代替"全球暖化"。
13:30
So we started with Babel Fish. We put in global warming.
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所以我從Babel Fish著手。我們鍵入全球暖化。
13:34
And then we decided that we'd change it from English to Dutch --
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然後我們選定要將它從英文翻成荷蘭語－
13:36
into "Het globale Verwarmen."
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變成“Het globale Verwarmen”
13:39
From Dutch to [Korean], into "Hordahordaneecheewa."
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從荷蘭語翻成中文(其實是韓文)，變成“Hordahordaneecheewa”
13:42
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
13:43
[Korean] to Portuguese: Aquecer-se Global.
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中文翻成葡萄牙文：Aquecer-se Global
13:46
Then Portuguese to Pig Latin.
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然後葡萄牙文翻成兒童黑話。
13:48
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
13:58
Aquecer-se ucked-fay.
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Aquecer-se ucked-fay.
14:00
And then finally back into the English,
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而最後翻回英文
14:03
which is, we're totally fucked.
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則是，我們玩完了。
14:05
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
14:07
(Applause)
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(掌聲)
14:13
Now I don't know about you,
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現在我並不知道你們怎麼想，
14:15
but Michael Shermer talked about the willingness for human beings --
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但Michael Shermer 說過關於人類的期望－
14:18
evolutionarily, they're designed to see patterns in things.
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由於進化，人們被設計為為了看見事情規律。
14:21
For example, in cheese sandwiches.
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例如，起司三明治。
14:24
Now can you look at that carefully and see if you see the Virgin Mary?
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現在你們可以仔細的看並看看你們是否可以看見聖母瑪利亞？
14:28
I tried to make it a little bit clearer.
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我試著讓它更清楚些。
14:30
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
14:34
Is it the Virgin Mary?
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這是聖母瑪利亞嗎？
14:36
Or is it Mena Trott?
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或者這是Mena Trott？
14:41
So, I talked to Josh Prince-Ramus about the convention center
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所以，我和Josh Prince-Romus談到會議中心
14:43
and the conferences. It's getting awfully big.
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和大會。它變得非常的大。
14:45
It's getting just a little bit too big. It's bursting at the seams here a little bit.
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它變的簡直有一點太大。大到似乎有點要擠爆這裡。
14:48
So we tried to come up with a program --
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所以我試圖找出一個方案－
14:50
how we could remake this structure to better accommodate TED.
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我們如何翻新這個架構讓它更適合TED。
14:53
So first of all we decided --
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首先我們決定－
14:55
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
14:56
that we needed about one-third bookstore,
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我們需要大約三分之一的書店，
14:58
one-third Google cafe,
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三分之一的Google咖啡館，
15:00
about 20 percent registration, 80 percent luxury hotel,
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約百分之二十的接待中心、百分之八十的豪華酒店，
15:03
about five percent for restrooms.
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百分之五左右的廁所。
15:05
And then of course, we wanted to have the simulcast lounge,
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接下來，當然，我們想要有聯播休息室、
15:07
the lobby and the Steinbeck forum.
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大廳和Steinbeck論壇會議中心。
15:08
Now let me show you how that
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現在讓我呈現讓你們知道
15:10
literally translated into the design program.
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直接轉成設計方案是什麼樣子。
15:13
So first,
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首先，
15:15
one of the problems with Monterey is that if there is global warming
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對於蒙特里的其中一個問題就是假如那裡發生全球暖化
15:17
and Greenland melts as you say, the ocean level
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而格陵蘭島冰川如你們所說的融化了，海平面
15:19
is going to rise 20 feet and flood the hell out of the convention center.
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將會上升20英呎且淹沒會議中心。
15:23
So we're going to build this new building on stilts.
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所以我們將在腳柱上建造這個新的建築物。
15:25
So we build this building on stilts,
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我們在腳柱上建造這個新的建築物，
15:27
then up here --
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然後上面這裡－
15:29
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
15:30
is where we're going to put the new Steinbeck auditorium.
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就是我們將會放上新Steinbeck會議中心的地方。
15:32
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
15:33
And the wonderful thing about the new bookstore is,
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而關於這書店很棒的地方是，
15:36
it's going to be shaped in a spiral that's organized by the Dewey Decimal System.
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它將被塑造為一條以杜威十進分類法編排的螺旋線。
15:40
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
15:42
Then we're going to make an escalator that helps you get up there.
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然後我們會設置手扶梯幫助你們上去那裡。
15:45
And finally, we're going to put the Marriott Hotel
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而最後，我們將放上萬豪酒店
15:48
and the Portola Plaza on the top.
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和Portola披薩店在上面。
15:50
(Applause)
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(掌聲)
15:54
Now I don't know about you, but sometimes I have these images in my head
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現在我不知道你們怎麼想，但有時候我的腦海裡總會有這些
15:57
of separated at birth.
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一產生就分裂的影像。
15:59
I don't know about you, but when I see Aubrey de Grey,
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我並不知道你們怎麼想，但當我看見Aubrey de Grey
16:02
I immediately go to Gandalf the Grey.
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我會馬上想到Gandalf the Grey。
16:05
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
16:09
OK. Now, we've heard, of course,
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好。現在，我們都聽過，當然。
16:11
that we're all soldiers here.
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我們在場都是士兵。
16:14
So what I'd really, really like you to do now is,
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所以我真的、真的想要你們現在做的是，
16:16
pick up your white piece of paper. Does everybody have their white piece of paper?
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拿出你的一張白紙。每個人都有自己的白紙嗎？
16:20
And I want you to get out a pen,
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然後我想要你們拿出一支筆。
16:23
and I want you to write a terrorist note.
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然後我想要你們寫下恐嚇信。
16:25
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
16:28
If we put up the ELMO for a moment --
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假如我們容忍ELMO一段時間－
16:31
if we put up the ELMO, then we'll get, you know,
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假如我們容忍ELMO，然後我們會得到，你知道
16:33
I'll give you a model that you can work from, OK?
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我會給你們示範讓你們可以照做，可以吧？
16:37
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
16:39
And then I want you to fold that note into a paper airplane.
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接下來我想要你們將這個摺成紙飛機。
16:44
And once you've folded it into a paper airplane,
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而且一旦你已經摺成紙飛機，
16:46
I want you to take some anthrax --
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我希望你們可以去拿一些炭疽菌－
16:48
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
16:50
and I want you to put that in the paper airplane.
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而且我希望你們將炭疽菌放進紙飛機。
16:53
And then I want you to throw it on Jim Young.
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然後我想要你們將紙飛機丟向Jim Young。
16:55
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
16:58
Luckily, I was the recipient of the TED Prize this year.
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幸運的是，我是今年TED Prize的得獎者。
17:02
And I wanted to see --
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而我想看到－
17:04
I want to dedicate this film to my father, Homer.
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我想將這部影片獻給我父親Homer。
17:07
OK.
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好。
17:15
Now this film isn't really hard enough,
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現在這個影片並不是真的夠有難度。
17:17
so I wanted to make it a little bit harder.
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所以我想讓它更難一些。
17:19
So I'm going to try and do this while reciting pi.
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我要試試看邊這麼做邊背圓周率。
17:21
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
17:22
3.1415,
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3.1415,
17:25
2657,
342
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2000
2657,
17:27
753,
343
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2000
753,
17:29
8567,
344
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2000
8567,
17:33
24972 --
345
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24972－
17:35
-- 85871, 25871,
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－85871,25871,
17:40
3928, 5657,
347
1035000
4000
3928,5657,
17:46
2592, 5624.
348
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2592,5624。
17:49
(Applause)
349
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(掌聲)
17:56
Can we cue the music please?
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我們可以下音樂嗎？
18:14
(Applause)
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(掌聲)
18:25
Now I wanted to use this talk to talk about global warming a little bit.
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現在我想講一些關於全球暖化的部分。
18:30
Back in 1968,
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在1968年，
18:32
you can see that the mountain range of Brokeback Mountain
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你可以看見斷背山山脈
18:35
was covered in 151 inches of snow pack.
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覆蓋著151英吋的積雪。
18:40
Parenthetically, over there on the slopes,
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順道一提，在這斜坡的這個地方，
18:42
I did want to show you that black men ski.
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我並不想讓你們知道有一個黑人在滑雪。
18:46
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
18:52
But over the years,
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但過了幾年，
18:55
10 years later, the snow packs eroded,
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十年後，積雪消融，
18:57
and, if you notice, the trees have started turning yellow.
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而假如你有注意到，樹已經開始變得枯黃。
18:59
The water level of the lake has started drying up.
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湖的水位也開始下降。
19:04
A few years later, there's no snow left at all.
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幾年後，雪融的絲毫不剩。
19:07
And all the trees have turned brown.
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所有的樹也都轉變成褐色。
19:11
This year, unfortunately the lakebed's
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在今年，很不幸的是
19:13
turned into an absolute cracked dry bed.
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湖床已完全乾裂。
19:16
And I fear, if we do nothing for our planet,
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假如我們繼續對我們的地球置之不理，
19:19
in 20 years, it's going to look like this.
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我擔心在二十年內，它看起來將會如此。
19:24
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
19:37
Mr. Vice President, I wish I knew how to quit you.
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副總統先生，我希望我知道如何戒掉你。
19:42
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
19:43
(Applause)
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(掌聲)
19:47
Thank you very much.
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非常感謝大家。
19:48
(Applause)
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(掌聲)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Tom Rielly - SatiristTraditionally, Tom Rielly closes the TED Conference with a merciless 18-minute monologue, skewering all the speakers with his deadpan delivery, spot-on satire and boundary-less performance (complete with PowerPoint, pratfalls and partial nudity).
Why you should listen
Talk a walk back through the history of digital media, and you'll find our colleague Tom Rielly every step along the way. He entered the mediasphere with a memorable turn in the 1980 film My Bodyguard. A lifelong performer, he soon found a second love in personal computing. He recognized early on the incredible power of Macs, CD-ROMs and the Web, founding Yale's Macintosh User Group in 1984, then working at SuperMac, Farallon and Voyager, among other pioneering companies.
Rielly is perhaps best-known for co-founding PlanetOut, the first digital home for gays and lesbians, which went public in 2004. He also co-founded the influential nonprofit Digital Queers. As TED's Director of Partnerships, Tom now choreographs the wide range of collaborations that help bring TED to life, at the conference and online. But he's found his true vocation as TED's resident satirist, a role he's played for more than a decade.
Since 1995, Rielly has been hijacking the final session of the conference with his whip-smart satire of all the speakers who came before him -- skewering the egos, mocking the flights of fancy, parroting the doomsday predictions, and imagining a world where Al Gore tells him "I can't quit you."
Fearless and unfailingly funny, Tom's lightning performances bring a flash of brilliance to the closing session and draw a standing ovation every time.
Tom Rielly | Speaker | TED.com