TEDGlobal 2009
Rory Bremner: A one-man world summit
罗里布莱穆勒(Rory Bremner)一个人的首脑会议
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苏格兰最风趣的人罗里布莱穆勒(Rory Bremner)在TEDGloble的讲台上召开了一场历史性的峰会，当他用他滑稽的表现和精彩的评论讽刺了戈登布朗，巴拉克奥巴马，乔治布什和其他一些世界领袖。看你能否在其中找到一些TED的内部笑话。
Rory Bremner - Comedian
One of the UK's sharpest funny men, Rory Bremner exposes the lunacies of modern politics with devilishly clever political satire and spot-on impressions of leaders from around the world. Full bio
One of the UK's sharpest funny men, Rory Bremner exposes the lunacies of modern politics with devilishly clever political satire and spot-on impressions of leaders from around the world. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:15
Chris has been so nice.
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克里斯一直都是那么友好。
00:17
I don't know how you keep it up, Chris, I really don't.
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我不知道你们是怎么想克里斯的，我真的不知道。
00:19
So nice, all week. He's the kind of man you could say to,
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那么的友善，整个星期。他是友善的让你可以倾诉的人，
00:22
"Chris, I'm really sorry, I've crashed your car.
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“克里斯，我真的对不起，我撞坏了你的车。
00:25
And it gets worse, I crashed it into your house.
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而且更糟的是，我把车撞进了你的房子。
00:27
Your house has caught fire.
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你的房子也因此起火，
00:29
And what's more, your wife has just run off with your best friend."
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而且，你的老婆和你最好的朋友私奔了。”
00:32
And you know that Chris would say, "Thank you."
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你知道，克里斯会这样回答，“谢谢”
00:35
(Laughter)
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（笑）
00:37
"Thank you for sharing, that's really interesting."
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“谢谢你的分享，那真的很有趣。”
00:39
(Laughter)
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（笑）
00:40
"Thank you for taking me to a place that I didn't know existed. Thank you."
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”谢谢你带我去了一个我不知道的地方，谢谢。“
00:44
(Laughter)
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（笑）（这里是讽刺TED发言人的友善）
00:45
One of the -- (Applause) Thank you for inviting us.
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其中一个 （掌声）谢谢你邀请我们。
00:48
One of the things about appearing later on in the TED week is that,
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这个星期在TED里经常出现的事情是，
00:50
gradually, as the days go by,
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慢慢的，随着时间的推移，
00:52
all the other speakers cover most of what you were going to say.
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所有的演讲者把你要说的都说了。
00:57
(Laughter)
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（笑）
00:58
Nuclear fusion, I had about 10 minutes on that.
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核能，我曾经想花10分钟在这个上面。
01:02
Spectroscopy, that was another one.
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光谱，是另外一个方面。
01:05
Parallel universes.
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平行宇宙。
01:07
And so this morning I thought, "Oh well, I'll just do a card trick."
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所以这个早上，我想，“好吧，我就做一个扑克魔术好了”
01:11
(Laughter)
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（笑）
01:13
That one's gone as well.
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这个居然也被用过了。
01:15
And today is Emmanuel's day, I think we've agreed that, already, haven't we?
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今天是以马利日，我想我们都同意这个吧，不是吗？
01:18
Emmanuel? Absolutely. (Applause)
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以马利？绝对的，（掌声）
01:21
I was planning on finishing on a dance ...
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我想我会用一段舞蹈来结束我的讲话
01:23
(Laughter)
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（笑）
01:24
So, that's going to look pretty shabby now.
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那么，现在这将看起来是十分肤浅的。
01:27
So, what I thought I'd do is -- in honor of Emmanuel --
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所以，我想我会做的是，为向以马利表示敬意--
01:29
is, what I can do is to launch today the first
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我今天将要兴办史上第一次
01:33
TED Global auction.
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TED全球拍卖。
01:35
If I could start, this is the Enigma decoding machine.
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如果我可以开始，这是一个谜语解码机
01:39
(Laughter)
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（笑）
01:40
Who will start me with $1,000? Anyone?
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谁愿意以1000美元开始？谁？
01:44
Thank you. Bruno's face, just then,
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谢谢。看看布鲁诺的表情，刚才，
01:46
he said, "No, don't go through this. Don't, please don't.
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他的表情告诉我，”不要，不要这样做，真的，不要
01:48
Don't go through this. Don't do it."
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不要这样做，不要”
01:50
(Laughter)
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（笑）
01:54
I'm worried. When I first got the invitation,
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当我一拿到邀请的时候，我很担心，
01:57
they said somewhere in the thing, they said, "15 minutes to change the world,
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他们在提到了一件是，他们说到“你可以用你在讲台
01:59
your moment onstage." 15 minutes to change the world.
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上的15分钟改变世界”，用15分钟去改变世界。
02:02
I don't know about you, it takes me 15 minutes to change a plug.
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我不知道你们是怎么样的，我用了15分钟才换了个插头。
02:04
(Laughter)
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（笑）
02:05
So, the idea of changing the world is really quite an extraordinary one.
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所以，改变世界的想法的确是非同寻常的。
02:09
Well, of course now we know we don't have to change a plug,
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因为我们的让意识到，我们不用去换插头了。
02:11
now we've seen that wonderful demonstration
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我们刚刚看到一个神奇的演示
02:13
of the wireless electric -- fantastic. You know, it inspires us.
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一个关于无线电力的演示，神奇，你知道，这启迪了我们。
02:16
300 years ago he'd have been burnt at the stake for that.
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如果是300年前，他会被活活烧死。
02:19
(Laughter)
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（笑）
02:20
And now it's an idea.
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然而现在则是一个想法。
02:22
(Laughter)
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（笑）
02:23
It's great. It's fantastic.
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这是了不起的，这是神奇的。
02:25
But you do meet some fantastic people,
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但是你还会遇到更多的神奇的人物，
02:27
people who look at the world in a totally different way.
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一些用不同眼光看待世界的人物。
02:29
Yesterday, David Deutsch, another one
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昨天，大卫（ David Deutsch）（此人曾讽刺过荷兰人），另外一个
02:31
who covered most of what I was going to say.
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把我要讲的都讲了的人。
02:33
(Laughter)
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（笑）
02:35
But when you think of the world in that way,
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但是当你这样去看待世界时，
02:37
it does make going to Starbucks a whole new experience, don't you think?
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这会让星巴克成为一种全新的体验，你不这样想吗？
02:40
I mean, he must walk in and they will say,
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我的意思是，他肯定走进去，然后他们会这样说
02:42
"Would you like a macchiato,
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“你想要加一点奶，
02:44
or a latte, or an Americano,
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还是适量牛奶，或很多奶，
02:46
or a cappuccino?"
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还是发泡牛奶？”
02:48
And he'll say,
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然后他会说道，
02:50
"You're offering me things that are infinitely variable."
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“你们提供的东西是个无限变量”
02:53
(Laughter)
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（笑）
02:55
"How can your coffee be true?"
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“你们的咖啡还是真的咖啡吗？”
02:57
(Laughter)
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（笑）
02:59
And they will say,
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然后他们会说，
03:01
"Would you mind if I serve the next customer?"
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“你不介意我们接待下一位客户吧？”
03:03
(Laughter)
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（笑）
03:05
And Elaine Morgan yesterday, wasn't she wonderful?
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然后是昨天的伊莱恩摩根，她真的很棒.(此人提出人类的祖先在水里)
03:07
Fantastic. Really good.
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神奇，真的很好。
03:09
Her talk about the aquatic ape, and the link, of course,
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她的演讲是关于水里的黑猩猩，以及连接，当然了，
03:11
the link between Darwinism
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和达尔文进化论之间的连接
03:14
and the fact that we are all naked beneath this --
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事实是，我们都是光着身体的，
03:16
we're not hirsute and we can swim rather well.
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我们没有肚脐，我们还是游泳高手。
03:19
And she said, you know, she's 90. She's running out of time, she said.
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她还说到，你知道的，她已经90了，她说，她快没时间了。
03:21
And she's desperate to find more evidence for the link.
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她急需找到这个连接的更多证据。
03:24
And I think, "I'm sitting next to Lewis Pugh."
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然后我想，”我旁边坐的就是皮尤。“
03:26
(Laughter)
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（笑）
03:27
This man has swum around the North Pole, what more evidence do you want?
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这个人曾游过了北极，你还想要多少证据？
03:31
(Laughter)
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（笑）
03:33
And there he is.
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他就在这里。
03:35
(Applause)
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（笑）
03:36
That's how TED brings these connections together.
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TED就是这样把我们联系起来的。
03:38
I wasn't here on Tuesday. I didn't actually see Gordon Brown's
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我昨天不在这。实际上我没有看到戈登布朗的
03:40
job application -- um, sorry.
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求职申请，呃，对不起。
03:42
(Laughter)
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（笑）
03:43
I'm so sorry. (Applause)
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我真的十分抱歉。（掌声）
03:45
I'm so sorry. No, no. (Applause)
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我真的抱歉，真的，（掌声）
03:47
No, no, ahh ... (Applause)
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真的，真的 （掌声）
03:51
(As Brown): "Global problems require Scottish solutions."
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“全球问题需要苏格兰的解决方法”（模仿布朗）
03:55
(Laughter)
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（笑）
03:57
The problem I have is because Gordon Brown, he comes onstage
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我对布朗的问题是，因为布朗，他站在台上
03:59
and he looks for all the world like a man
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然后他就像一个穿着西装的熊一般
04:01
who's just taken the head off a bear suit.
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期望这世界。
04:03
(As Brown): "Hello, can I tell you what happened in the woods back there?
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“你好，我可以告诉你们树林后面发生了什么吗？
04:08
Uh, no." (Laughter)
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哦，不“（笑）
04:10
"I'm sorry. I've only got 18 minutes, 18 minutes to talk about saving the world,
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”对不起，我只有18分钟，18分钟来谈谈拯救世界，
04:15
saving the planet, global institutions.
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拯救星球，全球机构。
04:17
Our work on climate change,
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我们在气候转变上的工作，
04:19
I've only got 18 minutes, unfortunately I'm not able to tell you about
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我只有18分钟，十分遗憾的，我不能告诉你
04:22
all the wonderful things we're doing to promote the climate change agenda
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我们在大不列颠帝国做了多少关于气候变化方针
04:26
in Great Britain,
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的推动，
04:28
like the third runway we're planning at Heathrow Airport ..."
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就像我们在希思罗机场跑道上做的一样“
04:31
(Laughter)
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（笑）
04:34
"The large coal-fired power station we're building
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我们在北部建立的
04:36
at King's North,
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燃煤发电站，
04:38
and of course the exciting news that only today,
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而且，令人兴奋的消息就在今天，
04:40
only this week, Britain's only manufacturer
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就是这个星期，大不列颠的唯一的风力涡轮机
04:43
of wind turbines has been forced to close.
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制造商被强行关闭了。
04:46
No time, unfortunately,
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很遗憾，我没有时间
04:48
to mention those."
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提到这些。“
04:50
(Applause)
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（掌声）
04:54
"British jobs for Scottish people ...
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英国人为苏格兰人做的事情
04:57
No." (Laughter)
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不(笑)
05:01
"Christian principles, Christian values.
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“基督教信条，基督教精神。”
05:03
Thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal,
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你不应杀人，你不应偷窃，
05:06
thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife."
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你不应该觊觎你的邻居的妻子。“
05:08
(Laughter)
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（笑）
05:11
"Although to be honest, when I was at Number 11 that was never going to be a problem."
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“但是，说实话，当我在11岁的时候，从没发现这是一个问题。”
05:14
(Laughter)
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（笑）
05:17
(As Tony Blair): "Yeah, alright, come on, eh.
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“好，真的，
05:21
Alright Gordon, come on, eh.
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好吧，戈登，真的。
05:23
I just, can I just say a few things about,
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我可以说说谢丽，
05:25
first about Cherie, because she's a wonderful lady,
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因为她是一个美妙的小姐，
05:27
my wife, with a wonderful smile.
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我的妻子，带着美丽的微笑。
05:31
That reminds me, I must post that letter."
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这提醒了我，我一定要寄那封信”
05:33
(Laughter)
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（笑）
05:35
"I just think, you know, what people forget,
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“我想，你们知道，人是怎样的健忘，
05:37
Gordon and I, we always got on perfectly well.
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戈登和我，我们关系一直很好。
05:40
Alright, it was never exactly 'Brokeback Mountain.'"
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好吧，但也不是像“断背山”那样”
05:43
(Laughter)
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（笑）
05:46
"You know, I wrote to him, just before I left office. I said,
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“你们知道，在我下班之前，我写给他一个便条，说，
05:48
'Can I rely on your support for the next month?'
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我能在下个月得到你的支持吗？”
05:50
And he wrote back. He said, 'No, you can't.'
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然后他回信，说，不能，你得不到”
05:54
Which kind of surprised me, because I'd never seen 'can't' spelled that way before."
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那十分让我吃惊，因为我还从来没看到有人这样写”不行“的。
05:57
(Laughter)
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（笑）
06:02
Another thing Gordon could have mentioned in his speech
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戈登可以在他演讲里提到的另一件事就是
06:04
to the Mansion House in 2002 --
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在2002年的伦敦市长官邸，
06:07
that was to the building; the people weren't listening.
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没有人去听这件事。
06:09
But the people, when talking about the finance industry, he said,
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但是人们，当人们在讨论这工业经济的时候，他说，
06:11
"What you as the city of London have done for financial services,
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“伦敦城市对财经所做的贡献，
06:17
we, as a government, hope to do for the economy as a whole."
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我们，作为政府，希望能对整个经济做出同样的贡献。”
06:20
(Laughter)
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（笑）
06:23
When you think what's happened to financial services,
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当你想想经财经服务业发生了什么的时候，
06:25
and you see what's happened to the economy, you think,
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你就会看到经济发生了什么变化，你想。
06:27
"Well, there is a man who delivers on his promises."
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“这倒是一个守信用的人”
06:29
(Laughter)
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（笑）
06:30
But we're in a new world now. We're in a completely new world.
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但是我们是在一个新世界里。我们在一个完全新的世界里。
06:32
This is the first time that I can remember, where if you get a letter
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我可以第一次回忆到，如果你从你的银行经理里
06:34
from the bank manager about a loan, you don't know if you're borrowing
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收到一封关于借款的信，你不确定是你要从他那里
06:36
money from him, or if he's borrowing money from you.
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借钱，还是他要从你这里借钱。
06:38
Am I right?
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我说的对吧？
06:40
These extraordinary things, Icelandic Internet accounts.
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这些非同寻常的事情，冰岛网络账户。
06:42
Did anyone here have an Icelandic Internet account?
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这里有人知道冰岛网络账户吗？
06:45
Why would you do that? Why would -- It's like one step up
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为什么要知道？为什么，就好象有人
06:47
from replying to one of those emails from Nigeria, isn't it?
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会回复那些从尼日利亚来的电子邮件一样，对吧？
06:50
(Laughter)
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（笑）
06:51
Asking for your bank details.
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询问你的银行详细资料。
06:53
And, you know, Iceland, it was never going to cut it.
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然后，你就知道，冰岛，从不会去消减它的。
06:56
It didn't have that kind of collateral.
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从来就没有这样的抵押品。
06:58
What does it have? It has fish, that's all.
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它有什么？它有很多鱼，就这些了。
07:01
That's why the Prime Minister went on television. He said,
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这就是为什么首相要上电视，说到，
07:03
"This has left us all
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”这一切给我们留下了
07:05
with a very big haddock."
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非常大的黑线鳕（英文里“令人头疼的问题”发音不准时听起来像“黑线鳕”）”
07:07
(Laughter)
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（笑）
07:11
A lot of what I do -- I have to try and make sense
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我做的很多事情是，我试图在我胡来之前
07:13
of things before I can make nonsense of them.
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把事情给想清楚。
07:15
And making sense of the financial crisis is very, very difficult.
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但是要把金融危机讲清楚是十分困难的。
07:18
Luckily, somebody like George Bush was really helpful.
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幸运的是，像乔治布什这样的人是非常有用的。
07:20
He summed it up, really, at a dinner.
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他总结了一下，真的，在一个晚宴上。
07:22
He was speaking at a dinner, he said,
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他在晚餐上说道，
07:25
"Wall Street got drunk."
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“华尔街喝高了。”
07:27
(Laughter)
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（笑 ）
07:29
"And now it's got a hangover."
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“而且现在还宿醉未醒。”
07:32
And that's, you know, that's something --
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这就是，你们知道，这就是
07:34
(Applause)
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（掌声）
07:39
And that's something we can relate to.
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这个比喻让人们能对金融危机感同身受。
07:41
It's certainly something he can relate to.
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显然这个比喻让布什可以感同身受。
07:43
(Laughter)
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（笑）
07:45
And the other one, of course, is Donald Rumsfeld, who said,
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当然，另外一个人，就是拉姆斯菲尔德，说到，
07:47
"There are the known knowns, the things we know we know.
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“世上有已知的知道的事，它们是我们知道我们知道的事
07:51
And then you got the known unknowns,
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也有已知的我们不知道的事，
07:54
the things we know we don't know.
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他们是我们知道自己还不知道的事。
07:56
And then you got the unknown unknowns, those are the things
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还有未知的不知道的事，它们是
07:58
we don't know we don't know."
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我们不知道我们不知道的。”
08:00
And being English, when I first heard that I thought, "What a load of cock."
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做为一个英国人，当我第一次听到这些的时候，我想，“真是鬼话连篇啊！”
08:02
And then, you're now, well, actually, that's what this is about.
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但是，现在，实际上，那很精辟。
08:07
This whole, what Ben Bernanke has said,
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这就是伯南克所说到的，
08:09
the chaotic unwinding of the world's financial system,
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混乱的世界金融体系平仓，
08:13
it's about -- they don't know, they didn't know what they were doing.
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就是因为，他们不知道，他们不知道他们在干什么。
08:16
In 2006, the head of the American Mortgage Bankers Association said, quote,
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在2006年，美国抵押贷款银行家协会负责人说，我引用他的话，
08:20
"As we can clearly see,
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“我们可以清楚的看到
08:24
no seismic occurrence
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并没有惊天动地的事
08:26
is about to overwhelm the U.S. economy."
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正要席卷美国。”
08:28
Now, there is a man on top of his job.
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这就是一位十分尽忠自己工作的人。
08:30
(Laughter)
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（笑）
08:31
And when the crisis was happening, the head of quantitative equities
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然而，当危机发生时，莱曼兄弟
08:33
at Lehman Brothers said,
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的大股东说到，
08:35
"Events which models predicted would happen
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“这种每10000年发生一次的
08:38
once every 10,000 years
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事情
08:40
happened every day for three days."
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正在每天发生，而且持续了三天。“
08:43
So, it's extraordinary. It's a new world that's very, very difficult to make sense of.
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所以，这就是非同寻常的。这是一个十分让人难以解释的新世界。
08:46
But we have a new hope. We have a new man.
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但是我们有一个新的希望，我们有一个新的人物。
08:50
America has now elected its first openly black President.
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美国刚选举了一个黑得公然的黑人总统。
08:53
(Laughter)
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（笑）
08:55
Wonderful news.
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美妙的新闻。
08:57
Not only that, he's left-handed. Have you noticed this?
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不仅仅是这样，他还是左撇子，你注意到了吗？
08:59
How many people here are left-handed?
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有多少人是左撇子？
09:01
You see, a lot of the people that I most admire,
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你看，我所崇拜的很多人
09:03
they're great artists, great designers, great thinkers,
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有伟大的艺术家，伟大的设计师，伟大的思考者，
09:05
they're left-handed.
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他们是左撇子。
09:07
And somebody said to me last night, you know, being left-handed,
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昨晚，有人对我说，你知道，做为一个左撇子，
09:09
you have to learn to write without smudging the ink.
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你必须学习在不划花墨水的同时写字，
09:13
And somebody was talking about metaphors on Monday.
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然后星期一有人在讲比喻。
09:15
And I thought, what a wonderful metaphor, isn't it? An American President who
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我想，这还真是很好的比喻，不是吗？一个不会划花墨水但是
09:17
has to write without smudging the ink.
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还能写字的美国总统。
09:20
You like that one? As opposed to you could see
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你喜欢这个吗？相反的，你可以看到
09:22
George Bush, well, what's the metaphor there?
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乔治布什，好吧，这里用什么比喻吗？
09:25
I think it would be something out of the aquatic ape thing, wouldn't it?
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我想也许是海洋中的大猩猩,不是吗？
09:27
"Well, you know I'm sorry about that.
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“好，你知道，我很抱歉。
09:29
I'm right-handed but I seem to have smudged that ink as well."
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我只右撇子，但是我似乎还会弄花墨水。”
09:32
(Laughter)
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(笑)
09:34
But, you know, he's gone. Now he's gone.
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但是，你知道，他卸任了，现在他不在位了。
09:36
That's eight years of American History, eight minutes of my act,
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这是美国历史的8年，我演艺事业的8分钟，
09:38
just gone like that.
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就这样流失了。
09:40
"You know, it's the end of an error [sic].
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“它是一个时代的结束。
09:42
I happen to believe it was a great error.
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我也相信它是一个时代的结束。
09:45
I know folks said to me they believe it was one of the greatest errors
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我知道很多人对我说道，这是美国历史上
09:47
in the history of the United States.
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最伟大的时代之一。
09:50
But we proved them wrong in Iraq.
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但是我们在伊拉克里证实了他们是错的。
09:53
They said there was no link between Iraq and Al Qaeda.
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他们说伊拉克和基地组织没有关系。
09:56
There is now."
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现在有的。“
09:58
(Laughter)
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（笑）
09:59
"But I have a message for the suicide bombers,
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”但是我有一句话要说给那些人肉炸弹们
10:02
for those people who've blown themselves up."
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就是那些把自己炸上天的人。“
10:05
(Laughter)
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（笑）
10:08
"We're going to find you."
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“我们会找到你的”
10:10
(Laughter)
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（笑）
10:11
"We're going to make sure you don't do it again."
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“我们保证你不会有下一次。”
10:13
(Laughter)
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（笑）
10:14
But now he's gone, and it's great to see one of the --
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但是现在他卸任了，而且我们有幸可以看到
10:16
arguably one of the worst speech makers
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美国历史上最烂的演讲者将
10:18
in American history,
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话筒递给美国最好的
10:20
now given way to one of the greatest, in Obama.
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演讲者之一，奥巴马。
10:22
You were there, maybe, on the night of his victory.
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你也许在选举成功的当晚。
10:24
And he spoke to the crowd in Chicago, he said,
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他是这样对芝加哥的人群说到，
10:27
"If there is anyone out there
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“如果还有人在那里
10:32
who still doubts
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还有人怀疑着
10:35
that America is a place
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美国是一个
10:40
where all things are possible ..."
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所有事情都可能的地方”
10:42
I can't do the whole thing because it would take too long, it really would.
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我不能完全讲完，那太花时间了，真的。
10:44
(Laughter)
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（笑）
10:45
But you get the picture. And then it goes to the inauguration.
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但是你知道我的意思了，然后就是就职典礼。
10:49
And he and the Chief Justice, they trip over each other,
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他和终审法院首席法官，他们绊倒对方，
10:51
they get their words wrong and they screw the thing up.
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他们搞误会了，然后把事情搞砸了。
10:53
And there is George Bush sitting there going, "Heh heh heh heh ..."
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然后乔治布什坐在那,"呵呵呵呵呵"
10:55
(Laughter)
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（笑）
10:56
"Not so easy is it? Heh heh heh."
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“不是那么简单的吧？呵呵呵呵呵”
10:58
(Laughter)
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（笑）
11:00
But the interesting thing is, Gordon Brown was talking about Cicero,
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但是有趣的是，戈登布朗在谈论这西塞罗，
11:03
who said, people would listen to a speech, they said, "Great speech."
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西塞罗说，人们会听从演讲，他们说,"伟大的演讲。"
11:05
And then they'd listen to Demosthenes,
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然后他们会听从德摩斯梯尼,
11:07
and they'd say, "Let's march."
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然后说，“让我们游行。”
11:09
And we all want to believe in President Obama.
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我们都希望相信奥巴马总统，
11:12
It's rather like that line in the film "As Good As it Gets."
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就好象“尽善尽美”中的一句台词
11:15
Do you remember that film with Helen Hunt and Jack Nicholson,
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你们记得这个海伦亨特和杰克尼克尔森的电影，
11:17
and Helen Hunt says to Jack Nicholson, "What do you see in me?"
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当海伦亨特说对杰克尼克尔森说到“你是怎样看我的？”
11:20
And Jack Nicholson just says,
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然后，杰克尼克尔森说，
11:22
"You make me want to be a better man."
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“你让我想成为一个更好的人。”
11:25
And you want a leader who inspires and challenges
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你想要一个可以启迪你，挑战你
11:27
and makes you want to be a better citizen. Right?
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让你成为一个更好公民的总统，对吗？
11:30
But at the moment, it's a Cicero thing.
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但是，那时，又有西塞罗的事情。
11:32
We like what Barack Obama says, but we don't do anything about it.
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我们喜欢巴拉克奥巴马所讲的事情，但是我们没有任何行动。
11:34
So he comes over to this country, and he says,
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所以，他来到这个国家，说到，
11:37
"We need
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“我们需要
11:39
a big fiscal stimulus."
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一个财政刺激"
11:42
And everyone goes, "Great!" He leaves the country
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然后所有的人说到，”好！“他离开了这个国家
11:44
and the French and the Germans go, "No, no, forget about that,
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然后法国和德国说道，”不，不，忘掉这些，
11:47
absolutely not." Nothing happens. He goes to Strasburg.
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绝对不行。”什么事也没有发生。他去了斯特拉斯堡。
11:49
He says, "We need more boots on the ground in Afghanistan."
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他说，“我们需要更支持阿富汗”
11:53
And everyone goes, "Great idea."
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然后所有人说道，“好棒的主意”
11:55
He leaves, people go, "No no no, we're not going to do that.
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他离开后，人们说，“不，不，不，我们绝对不会做这些
11:57
5,000 maximum, and no rockets. No, no, not going to do it."
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5000最多了，不包括火箭，不，不，不会做的。“
12:00
He goes to Prague, he says, "We believe in a nuclear-free world."
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他来到布拉格，说到，“我们相信一个无核的自由世界。”
12:03
And it's great to have an American president who can say the word "nuclear,"
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能有一个能准确发音“无核”的美国总统实在是太好了，
12:06
let's just point that out first.
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我们先说明这一点。
12:08
Do you remember that? George Bush, "A nu-ca-ler."
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你记得吗？乔治布什，”无 无 无 核“
12:10
Sorry, what? "A nu-ca-ler."
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对不起，什么？”无 无 无 核“
12:13
(Laughter)
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（笑）
12:14
Could you say "avuncular"? "Avunclear."
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你能说“叔伯”吗？“叔伯”
12:17
(Laughter)
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（笑）
12:18
Thank you very much.
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谢谢
12:20
But he says, "We want a nuclear-free world."
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但是奥巴马发音很漂亮地说道，”我们需要一个无核的自由世界“
12:22
And that day, North Korea, that very day,
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就在那天，北韩，就在那天，
12:24
North Korea is just seeing if it can
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北韩正在测试看它能不能
12:26
just get one over Japan --
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轰到日本。
12:29
(Laughter) --
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（笑）
12:30
and land it before ...
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然后在它之前降落。
12:32
So, where do we look for inspiration? We've still got Bill Clinton.
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所以，我们的启迪从何而来？我们还有比尔克林顿。
12:35
"Travels the world." (Laughs)
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“环游世界。”（笑）
12:38
"I believe, I believe it was President Dwight D. Eisenhower who said ..."
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“我相信，我相信埃森豪威尔总统说过”
12:45
(Laughter)
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（笑）
12:46
"Tell a lie; it was Diana Ross ..."
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“撒个谎，戴安娜罗斯则说过”
12:48
(Laughter)
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(笑)
12:49
"... who said, reach out and touch ..."
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“她说过，触手可及”
12:52
(Laughter)
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(笑)
12:54
"... somebody's gla -- hand."
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“某些人的手。”
12:56
(Laughter)
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（笑）
12:58
"Make this world a better place, if you can.
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“创造一个更好的世界，如果你可以的话。
13:01
I just think that's important. I really do.
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我只是想这很重要，真的。
13:04
And I was hoping Hillary would get to the White House,
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我也十分希望希拉里可以入住白宫，
13:06
because she'd have been out of our home for four years.
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这样她就不会在我们的家住上4年。
13:08
And I, you know." (Laughter)
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这样我，你们知道。“（淫笑）
13:10
"So, when that didn't work out I had to make a few arrangements, let me tell you."
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“所以，当这样行不通的时候，我就必须做些安排暗箱操纵一下，让我告诉你们。”
13:13
(Laughter)
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（笑）
13:15
So, there's him. In Britain we have Prince Charles:
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这样，这就是他。在英国，我们有查理王子。
13:17
"And the environment is so important, all we can do.
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“环境是十分重要的，我们都能做到。
13:20
My wife gets fed up with me constantly trying to
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我的妻子已经开始烦我的，而且不断的想
13:23
push emissions up her agenda."
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在她的日程上提高排放量。”
13:25
(Laughter)
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（笑）
13:27
Or, any South Africans, we have Mandela to inspire.
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或者，这里有南非人么，我们有曼德拉可以作为启迪。
13:32
Mandela, the great man Mandela.
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曼德拉，伟人曼德拉。
13:34
He's been honored with a statue now.
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他现在都有一个雕像了。
13:36
The previous highest honor he had in Britain
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上次他在英国接受的最高荣誉
13:38
was a visit from the team from Ground Force, a gardening program.
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是来自一次陆军的访问，一个园艺的节目。
13:41
"So, Nelson, how would you like a nice water feature?"
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“那么，尼尔森，你想要一个漂亮的水景吗？”
13:45
"Ahh, listen to me Mr. Titchmarsh."
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“唉，听我说蒂施马奇总理。”
13:49
(Laughter)
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（笑）
13:51
"I was held in prison
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”我被关在监狱里
13:56
for nearly 30 years
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都快30年了
13:59
on an island
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在一个四面环海
14:01
in the middle of the ocean.
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的小岛上。
14:04
Why would I need a bloody water feature?"
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我为什么要一个水景？“
14:07
(Laughter)
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（笑）
14:09
Very quickly: I wasn't quite sure how to end this talk
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随便说一下: 我不知道该如何结束这个演讲
14:13
and then yesterday that man came up with a wonderful quote
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直到昨天，一个人引用了“论日本散文”
14:16
from the "Japanese Essays on Idleness"
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中一个美好的句子。
14:18
which said it's nice to have something which is unfinished
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说到，不完成一件事是美好的
14:20
because it implies there is still room for growth.
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因为这暗示着还有成长的空间。
14:23
Thank you very much indeed.
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十分感谢你们。
14:25
(Applause)
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（掌声）
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Rory Bremner - ComedianOne of the UK's sharpest funny men, Rory Bremner exposes the lunacies of modern politics with devilishly clever political satire and spot-on impressions of leaders from around the world.
Why you should listen
From pop star to political pundit, Scottish-born satirist Rory Bremner has been channeling famous folks for decades. While the frenetic funny man may be most recognized for his regular cameo on Whose Line is It Anyway? (that was Bremner as Prince Charles on a dating show), his wicked impressions of Tony Blair and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad have landed him in popular one-man shows and on BBC news and comedy spots like Mock the Week. Bremner's comedic antics run the gamut between anti-war activism to Monty Python-like goofiness. He recently convinced Labour Party's Margaret Beckett he was Prime Minister Gordon Brown during a controversial phone conversation.
When he's not prank-calling members of Parliament, the tri-lingual comedian writes farcical plays and translates operas from French and German into English. He recently "wit-synced"at The Big Brecht Fest at London's Young Vic Theatre.
Rory Bremner | Speaker | TED.com