TEDGlobal 2009
Rory Bremner: A one-man world summit
羅利．布萊納的一人世界高峰會
Filmed:
Readability: 3.3
1,205,646 views
蘇格蘭喜劇演員羅利．布萊納在TED Globe講台上召開了一場歷史性的會議--當他以滑稽而精準的模仿，和辛辣的評論對戈登．布朗、巴拉克．歐巴馬、喬治．布希和其他一缸子世界領袖極盡嘲諷之能事時，你能否從中看出一些TED圈內的笑話呢?
Rory Bremner - Comedian
One of the UK's sharpest funny men, Rory Bremner exposes the lunacies of modern politics with devilishly clever political satire and spot-on impressions of leaders from around the world. Full bio
One of the UK's sharpest funny men, Rory Bremner exposes the lunacies of modern politics with devilishly clever political satire and spot-on impressions of leaders from around the world. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:15
Chris has been so nice.
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克里斯人很好。(即TED主辦人克里斯．安德森)
00:17
I don't know how you keep it up, Chris, I really don't.
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我不曉得各位怎麼受得了克里斯，我真的不曉得。
00:19
So nice, all week. He's the kind of man you could say to,
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人超好，一整個禮拜。你都大可以跟他說：
00:22
"Chris, I'm really sorry, I've crashed your car.
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“克里斯，我真的很抱歉，我把你的車撞爛了。
00:25
And it gets worse, I crashed it into your house.
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更慘的是，那輛車撞上了你的房子。
00:27
Your house has caught fire.
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你的房子也燒了。
00:29
And what's more, your wife has just run off with your best friend."
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還有，你老婆跟著你最要好的朋友跑了。“
00:32
And you know that Chris would say, "Thank you."
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而你曉得克里斯的回答會是，“謝謝。“
00:35
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
00:37
"Thank you for sharing, that's really interesting."
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“謝謝你跟我分享這些訊息，那真是有意思極了。“
00:39
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
00:40
"Thank you for taking me to a place that I didn't know existed. Thank you."
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“感謝你帶領我來到一個我所不知道的境界。謝謝你。“
00:44
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
00:45
One of the -- (Applause) Thank you for inviting us.
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有一位--（掌聲）謝謝各位邀請我們來。
00:48
One of the things about appearing later on in the TED week is that,
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在TED演講週比較後段才上場會面臨一個狀況，
00:50
gradually, as the days go by,
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就是隨著時間逐漸的推移，
00:52
all the other speakers cover most of what you were going to say.
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所有其他講者已經把你原來想講的都講得差不多了。
00:57
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
00:58
Nuclear fusion, I had about 10 minutes on that.
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核融合，本來這個主題我可以講上十分鐘。
01:02
Spectroscopy, that was another one.
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光譜學，又是一個我原來想講的題材。
01:05
Parallel universes.
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平行宇宙論。
01:07
And so this morning I thought, "Oh well, I'll just do a card trick."
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所以今天早上我心想，“噢，好吧！我就表演個紙牌魔術算了。“
01:11
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
01:13
That one's gone as well.
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結果那也被搶走了。
01:15
And today is Emmanuel's day, I think we've agreed that, already, haven't we?
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今天是以馬內利日，我想大家都同意吧？不是嗎？
01:18
Emmanuel? Absolutely. (Applause)
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以馬內利？絕對是啦。（掌聲）
01:21
I was planning on finishing on a dance ...
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我打算跳一段舞來結束我的演講......
01:23
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
01:24
So, that's going to look pretty shabby now.
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那看起來一定會很寒愴。
01:27
So, what I thought I'd do is -- in honor of Emmanuel --
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所以我想我要--為了向以馬內利致意--
01:29
is, what I can do is to launch today the first
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我今天要做的是史上第一場
01:33
TED Global auction.
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TED全球拍賣。
01:35
If I could start, this is the Enigma decoding machine.
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如果我可以現在開始的話，這是一臺謎語解碼機。
01:39
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
01:40
Who will start me with $1,000? Anyone?
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有哪一位願意以1,000美元開始下標的？有嗎？
01:44
Thank you. Bruno's face, just then,
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謝謝你。看看布魯諾剛剛的表情。
01:46
he said, "No, don't go through this. Don't, please don't.
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他的表情在說：“不，別這麼做。不要，拜託。
01:48
Don't go through this. Don't do it."
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別這麼做。千萬不要。“
01:50
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
01:54
I'm worried. When I first got the invitation,
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我很煩惱。我剛接到邀請的時候，
01:57
they said somewhere in the thing, they said, "15 minutes to change the world,
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他們提到一件事，他們說：“用你在舞台上的
01:59
your moment onstage." 15 minutes to change the world.
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15分鐘去改變世界。“ 15分鐘去改變世界。
02:02
I don't know about you, it takes me 15 minutes to change a plug.
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我不知道各位是怎樣啦，不過我換個插頭都要15分鐘了。
02:04
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
02:05
So, the idea of changing the world is really quite an extraordinary one.
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所以說，想改變世界的這個想法可是非比尋常的。
02:09
Well, of course now we know we don't have to change a plug,
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當然啦，現在我們知道我們用不著去換插頭了，
02:11
now we've seen that wonderful demonstration
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剛剛我們才看過那個精彩的
02:13
of the wireless electric -- fantastic. You know, it inspires us.
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無線電力示範--非常神奇。各位都知道，那對我們都深具啟發性。
02:16
300 years ago he'd have been burnt at the stake for that.
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在300年前，他可會因為這樣做而被綁在柱子上給活活燒死。
02:19
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
02:20
And now it's an idea.
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不過現在那叫做“一種發想“。
02:22
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
02:23
It's great. It's fantastic.
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那很了不起。非常的神奇。
02:25
But you do meet some fantastic people,
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不過各位都會遇到一些很神奇的人物，
02:27
people who look at the world in a totally different way.
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一些用全然不同的觀點在看待這個世界的人物。
02:29
Yesterday, David Deutsch, another one
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好比昨天，大衛．多伊奇，另一個
02:31
who covered most of what I was going to say.
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把我想講的話都講完了的人。
02:33
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
02:35
But when you think of the world in that way,
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不過當各位用那樣的角度來看世界的時候，
02:37
it does make going to Starbucks a whole new experience, don't you think?
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真的會讓到星巴克消費變成一種全新的體驗，你們不覺得嗎？
02:40
I mean, he must walk in and they will say,
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我的意思是，他走進星巴克，然後店員會問他：
02:42
"Would you like a macchiato,
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“您想來杯瑪奇亞朵，
02:44
or a latte, or an Americano,
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拿鐵，美式，
02:46
or a cappuccino?"
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還是卡布奇諾呢？“
02:48
And he'll say,
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而他會說：
02:50
"You're offering me things that are infinitely variable."
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"你們提供的東西還真是無限變量。"
02:53
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
02:55
"How can your coffee be true?"
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“這樣的話你們的咖啡哪還算是真的咖啡呢？“
02:57
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
02:59
And they will say,
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然後店員會說：
03:01
"Would you mind if I serve the next customer?"
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“您不介意我幫下一位客人服務吧？“
03:03
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
03:05
And Elaine Morgan yesterday, wasn't she wonderful?
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昨天還有伊蓮‧摩根，她是不是棒極了？
03:07
Fantastic. Really good.
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非常出色。精彩絕倫。
03:09
Her talk about the aquatic ape, and the link, of course,
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她關於水猿的演講，當然，還有那個連結，
03:11
the link between Darwinism
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跟達爾文進化論之間的連結
03:14
and the fact that we are all naked beneath this --
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以及我們全都光著屁股的事實，
03:16
we're not hirsute and we can swim rather well.
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我們都全身多毛而且善泳。
03:19
And she said, you know, she's 90. She's running out of time, she said.
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而她說，各位知道，她已經90歲了。她自己說她已經來日無多。
03:21
And she's desperate to find more evidence for the link.
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但她還在拼命尋找更多證明那個連結的證據。
03:24
And I think, "I'm sitting next to Lewis Pugh."
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而我想的卻是：“我就坐在路易斯．皮武旁邊。“
03:26
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
03:27
This man has swum around the North Pole, what more evidence do you want?
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這個男人游過了北極的冰冷海域，妳還需要找啥更多的證據啊？
03:31
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
03:33
And there he is.
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他人就在這裡。
03:35
(Applause)
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（掌聲）
03:36
That's how TED brings these connections together.
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TED就是這樣把我們串聯起來的。
03:38
I wasn't here on Tuesday. I didn't actually see Gordon Brown's
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星期二我人不在這。所以我沒有真的看到戈登‧布朗的
03:40
job application -- um, sorry.
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求職申請--呃，抱歉。
03:42
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
03:43
I'm so sorry. (Applause)
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我很抱歉。(掌聲)
03:45
I'm so sorry. No, no. (Applause)
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我很抱歉。真的，是真的。(掌聲)
03:47
No, no, ahh ... (Applause)
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是真的，真的，呃...(掌聲)
03:51
(As Brown): "Global problems require Scottish solutions."
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(模仿布朗):"全球問題需要仰賴蘇格蘭式的解決方案。"
03:55
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
03:57
The problem I have is because Gordon Brown, he comes onstage
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我覺得有意見的地方，是因為布朗走上舞台
03:59
and he looks for all the world like a man
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就像個剛摘下熊裝頭套的男人似的
04:01
who's just taken the head off a bear suit.
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期待著這個世界。
04:03
(As Brown): "Hello, can I tell you what happened in the woods back there?
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(模仿布朗):"哈囉，我可以告訴各位後面的森林裡發生了甚麼事情嗎?"
04:08
Uh, no." (Laughter)
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呃，不是。"(笑聲)
04:10
"I'm sorry. I've only got 18 minutes, 18 minutes to talk about saving the world,
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"很抱歉，我只有18分鐘，18分鐘的時間來談談該如何拯救世界，
04:15
saving the planet, global institutions.
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拯救地球，全球性機構。
04:17
Our work on climate change,
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我們在氣候變遷問題上所做的努力，
04:19
I've only got 18 minutes, unfortunately I'm not able to tell you about
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我只有18分鐘，可惜我無法告訴各位
04:22
all the wonderful things we're doing to promote the climate change agenda
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在大不列顛帝國我們為了推動氣候變遷的議程
04:26
in Great Britain,
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做了多少努力，
04:28
like the third runway we're planning at Heathrow Airport ..."
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就像我們準備在希斯洛機場蓋的第三條跑道一樣..."
04:31
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
04:34
"The large coal-fired power station we're building
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"我們正在英國北部興建的
04:36
at King's North,
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大型燃煤發電廠，
04:38
and of course the exciting news that only today,
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當然還有最讓人振奮的消息，就在今天，
04:40
only this week, Britain's only manufacturer
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就在這個禮拜，不列顛唯一的
04:43
of wind turbines has been forced to close.
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風力渦輪機製造廠被強行關閉了。
04:46
No time, unfortunately,
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很遺憾，沒有足夠的時間，
04:48
to mention those."
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來跟大家提到這些事情。"
04:50
(Applause)
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(掌聲)
04:54
"British jobs for Scottish people ...
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"英國人為蘇格蘭人所做的事情...
04:57
No." (Laughter)
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不是。"(笑聲)
05:01
"Christian principles, Christian values.
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"基督教信條，基督教價值觀。
05:03
Thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal,
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汝等不可殺人，不可偷盜，
05:06
thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife."
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不可貪戀鄰人的妻子。"
05:08
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
05:11
"Although to be honest, when I was at Number 11 that was never going to be a problem."
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"不過老實說，在我十一歲的時候，從來不覺得那會是啥問題。"
05:14
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
05:17
(As Tony Blair): "Yeah, alright, come on, eh.
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(模仿東尼布萊爾)"嗯，好吧，好吧，呃。
05:21
Alright Gordon, come on, eh.
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好吧，戈登，嗯。
05:23
I just, can I just say a few things about,
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我可以，我可以談談
05:25
first about Cherie, because she's a wonderful lady,
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雪莉，她是位很棒的女士，
05:27
my wife, with a wonderful smile.
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我的太太，有著美麗的笑容。
05:31
That reminds me, I must post that letter."
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那讓我想到，我得記得把那封信寄出去。"
05:33
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
05:35
"I just think, you know, what people forget,
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"我正在想，各位是知道的，人們有多健忘，
05:37
Gordon and I, we always got on perfectly well.
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戈登和我，我們向來相處得很愉快。
05:40
Alright, it was never exactly 'Brokeback Mountain.'"
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好吧，當然也沒有像'斷背山'那樣啦。"
05:43
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
05:46
"You know, I wrote to him, just before I left office. I said,
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"各位曉得，就在我離開辦公室前，我寫了封信給他。說，
05:48
'Can I rely on your support for the next month?'
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'下個月我能獲得你的支持嗎?'
05:50
And he wrote back. He said, 'No, you can't.'
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然後他回了信。他說:'不，你不能。'
05:54
Which kind of surprised me, because I'd never seen 'can't' spelled that way before."
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那讓我感到相當驚訝，因為我從來沒看過'不能'是這樣寫的。"
05:57
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
06:02
Another thing Gordon could have mentioned in his speech
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另外一件戈登可以在他演講裡提到的事情是
06:04
to the Mansion House in 2002 --
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他在2002年對著倫敦市長官邸--
06:07
that was to the building; the people weren't listening.
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是對著那幢建築物沒錯；因為沒有人在聽。
06:09
But the people, when talking about the finance industry, he said,
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好吧，是對著人們，當談到金融業議題的時候，他說:
06:11
"What you as the city of London have done for financial services,
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"倫敦市為金融業所做的貢獻，
06:17
we, as a government, hope to do for the economy as a whole."
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我們，身為政府也想為總體經濟做出同樣的貢獻。"
06:20
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
06:23
When you think what's happened to financial services,
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當各位想想金融業面臨了甚麼狀況，
06:25
and you see what's happened to the economy, you think,
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再看到當前經濟所面臨的狀況，你就會覺得:
06:27
"Well, there is a man who delivers on his promises."
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"唔，這個人還真是言而有信吶。"
06:29
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
06:30
But we're in a new world now. We're in a completely new world.
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但我們是處身於一個新世界裡。我們正處在一個全新的世界。
06:32
This is the first time that I can remember, where if you get a letter
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就我記憶所及這是頭一次，如果你從銀行經理那兒
06:34
from the bank manager about a loan, you don't know if you're borrowing
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寄來的一封信，卻搞不清楚究竟是你要跟他借錢，
06:36
money from him, or if he's borrowing money from you.
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還是他想要跟你借錢。
06:38
Am I right?
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我沒說錯吧?
06:40
These extraordinary things, Icelandic Internet accounts.
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這些非同小可的事件，冰島網路帳戶。
06:42
Did anyone here have an Icelandic Internet account?
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有哪位開過冰島網路帳戶的?
06:45
Why would you do that? Why would -- It's like one step up
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你為啥要這樣做?為啥要--那跟
06:47
from replying to one of those emails from Nigeria, isn't it?
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去回覆從奈及利亞寄來的電子郵件沒啥兩樣，不是嗎?
06:50
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
06:51
Asking for your bank details.
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詢問你的帳戶明細。
06:53
And, you know, Iceland, it was never going to cut it.
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而，各位曉得，冰島，從來沒有想去削減它。
06:56
It didn't have that kind of collateral.
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他們沒有所謂的擔保抵押品。
06:58
What does it have? It has fish, that's all.
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那他們有啥?他們有魚，就這樣。
07:01
That's why the Prime Minister went on television. He said,
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這就是為什麼首相在電視上說:
07:03
"This has left us all
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"這件事為我們大家留下了
07:05
with a very big haddock."
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很大的'黑線鱈'"(取haddock與headache的諧音)
07:07
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
07:11
A lot of what I do -- I have to try and make sense
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我所做的很多事--我得在插科打諢之前
07:13
of things before I can make nonsense of them.
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先把它們給釐清楚。
07:15
And making sense of the financial crisis is very, very difficult.
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把金融危機釐清可是非常非常困難的一件事。
07:18
Luckily, somebody like George Bush was really helpful.
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幸好，像喬治．布希這樣的人物存在實在非常有幫助。
07:20
He summed it up, really, at a dinner.
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他在一場晚宴上，為整件事情做了一個總結。
07:22
He was speaking at a dinner, he said,
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他在晚宴上發言，說道:
07:25
"Wall Street got drunk."
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"華爾街喝醉了。"
07:27
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
07:29
"And now it's got a hangover."
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"現在它正在宿醉。"
07:32
And that's, you know, that's something --
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而那真是，各位曉得，那真是--
07:34
(Applause)
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(掌聲)
07:39
And that's something we can relate to.
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那真是讓我們可以對金融危機感同身受的一種說法。
07:41
It's certainly something he can relate to.
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那是喬治．布希完全可以感同身受的狀況。
07:43
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
07:45
And the other one, of course, is Donald Rumsfeld, who said,
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而另一位，當然，是唐納．倫斯斐，他說:
07:47
"There are the known knowns, the things we know we know.
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"世界上有已知的已知，那是我們知道我們所知道的事情。
07:51
And then you got the known unknowns,
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還有已知的未知，
07:54
the things we know we don't know.
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代表那些我們知道我們所不知道的事情。
07:56
And then you got the unknown unknowns, those are the things
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然後還有未知的未知，就是那些
07:58
we don't know we don't know."
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我們不知道我們所不知道的事情。"
08:00
And being English, when I first heard that I thought, "What a load of cock."
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身為一個英國人，頭一次聽到這說法的時候我心想:"這是啥鬼話啊!"
08:02
And then, you're now, well, actually, that's what this is about.
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不過，各位知道，嗯，事實上，這說法還相當精闢。
08:07
This whole, what Ben Bernanke has said,
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班．柏克南說過:
08:09
the chaotic unwinding of the world's financial system,
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世界金融體系的混亂失序，
08:13
it's about -- they don't know, they didn't know what they were doing.
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是出自於--他們不知道，他們不知道自己在做甚麼。
08:16
In 2006, the head of the American Mortgage Bankers Association said, quote,
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美國抵押貸款銀行協會主席在2006年說過，我引述他的話，
08:20
"As we can clearly see,
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"我們可以清楚的知道，
08:24
no seismic occurrence
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並沒有甚麼驚天動地的事情
08:26
is about to overwhelm the U.S. economy."
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會在美國掀起軒然大波。"
08:28
Now, there is a man on top of his job.
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這可是個對自己的工作十分駕輕就熟的男人。
08:30
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
08:31
And when the crisis was happening, the head of quantitative equities
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接著當危機發生時，
08:33
at Lehman Brothers said,
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羅曼兄弟的大股東說啦:
08:35
"Events which models predicted would happen
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"這種預估
08:38
once every 10,000 years
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每10,000才會發生一次的事件
08:40
happened every day for three days."
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正在每天發生，而且已經持續三天了。"
08:43
So, it's extraordinary. It's a new world that's very, very difficult to make sense of.
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所以說，這是非同小可的。這是個很難加以釐清界定的新世界。
08:46
But we have a new hope. We have a new man.
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不過我們有個新希望。我們有個新人物。
08:50
America has now elected its first openly black President.
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美國現在選出了第一位黑得很正大光明的總統。
08:53
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
08:55
Wonderful news.
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真是個好消息。
08:57
Not only that, he's left-handed. Have you noticed this?
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而且不僅如此，還是個左撇子。各位有注意到嗎?
08:59
How many people here are left-handed?
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在座有多少位是左撇子的?
09:01
You see, a lot of the people that I most admire,
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各位知道，在我所仰慕崇敬的很多人裡頭，
09:03
they're great artists, great designers, great thinkers,
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不論是偉大的藝術家、設計師、思想家們，
09:05
they're left-handed.
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都是左撇子。
09:07
And somebody said to me last night, you know, being left-handed,
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昨天晚上有人跟我說，你知道嗎，身為左撇子，
09:09
you have to learn to write without smudging the ink.
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你得學會寫字的時候不把墨水搞得到處都是。
09:13
And somebody was talking about metaphors on Monday.
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而禮拜一的時候還有人在講台上談隱喻。
09:15
And I thought, what a wonderful metaphor, isn't it? An American President who
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我在想，這不正是個高明的隱喻嗎?
09:17
has to write without smudging the ink.
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一位寫字的時候不會把墨水搞得到處都是的美國總統勒。
09:20
You like that one? As opposed to you could see
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各位喜歡這個隱喻嗎?相反的你會看到
09:22
George Bush, well, what's the metaphor there?
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喬治．布希，嗯，這裡要用甚麼隱喻呢?
09:25
I think it would be something out of the aquatic ape thing, wouldn't it?
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我想應該是諸如水猿之類的東西，不是嗎?
09:27
"Well, you know I'm sorry about that.
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"好吧，我感到很抱歉。
09:29
I'm right-handed but I seem to have smudged that ink as well."
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我是右撇子，不過我還是會把墨水搞得到處都是。"
09:32
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
09:34
But, you know, he's gone. Now he's gone.
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不過，各位知道，他離開了。他已經卸任了。
09:36
That's eight years of American History, eight minutes of my act,
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那是美國歷史上的八年，我表演生涯的八分鐘，
09:38
just gone like that.
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就這樣過去了。
09:40
"You know, it's the end of an error [sic].
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"那是一個時代的結束。
09:42
I happen to believe it was a great error.
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而我剛好相信那是個偉大的時代。
09:45
I know folks said to me they believe it was one of the greatest errors
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很多人跟我說他們覺得那是美國歷史上
09:47
in the history of the United States.
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最天大的錯誤之一。。(era與error諧音)
09:50
But we proved them wrong in Iraq.
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但我們在伊拉克推翻了他們的說法。
09:53
They said there was no link between Iraq and Al Qaeda.
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他們說伊拉克和蓋達組織之間沒有任何連結。
09:56
There is now."
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現在不就有啦。"
09:58
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
09:59
"But I have a message for the suicide bombers,
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"但我有句話要跟那些自殺炸彈客，
10:02
for those people who've blown themselves up."
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也就是那些把他們自己給炸翻天的人說。"
10:05
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
10:08
"We're going to find you."
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"我們一定會逮到你的。"
10:10
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
10:11
"We're going to make sure you don't do it again."
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"我們保證你不會再有下一次的!"
10:13
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
10:14
But now he's gone, and it's great to see one of the --
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但是他卸任了，真慶幸能看到這位--
10:16
arguably one of the worst speech makers
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美國有史以來
10:18
in American history,
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最爛的演講者之一，
10:20
now given way to one of the greatest, in Obama.
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讓位給美國有史以來最佳的演講者之一的歐巴馬。
10:22
You were there, maybe, on the night of his victory.
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他勝選的當晚，你可能也在現場。
10:24
And he spoke to the crowd in Chicago, he said,
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他在芝加哥對著群眾演說，他說:
10:27
"If there is anyone out there
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"如果還有任何人
10:32
who still doubts
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還在懷疑
10:35
that America is a place
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在美國
10:40
where all things are possible ..."
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甚麼事情都可能發生..."
10:42
I can't do the whole thing because it would take too long, it really would.
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我不能整段都模仿，因為時間會拖太長，真的會。
10:44
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
10:45
But you get the picture. And then it goes to the inauguration.
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不過你們大概知道那意思。接著是就職典禮。
10:49
And he and the Chief Justice, they trip over each other,
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歐巴馬和聯邦最高法院首席大法官，他們互相把對方絆倒，
10:51
they get their words wrong and they screw the thing up.
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他們吃螺絲然後把事情給搞砸了。
10:53
And there is George Bush sitting there going, "Heh heh heh heh ..."
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而喬治．布希就坐在那邊:"呵呵呵呵呵..."
10:55
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
10:56
"Not so easy is it? Heh heh heh."
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"也不是那麼容易的吧?呵呵呵..."
10:58
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
11:00
But the interesting thing is, Gordon Brown was talking about Cicero,
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有趣的是，戈登．布朗曾經談到西塞羅，
11:03
who said, people would listen to a speech, they said, "Great speech."
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西塞羅說過，人們會願意傾聽他們稱之為"偉大的演講"。
11:05
And then they'd listen to Demosthenes,
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他們願意傾聽狄摩西尼，
11:07
and they'd say, "Let's march."
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然後他們會說:"我們來遊行吧!"
11:09
And we all want to believe in President Obama.
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而我們也都願意相信歐巴馬總統。
11:12
It's rather like that line in the film "As Good As it Gets."
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就像電影"愛在心裡口難開"裡的台詞
11:15
Do you remember that film with Helen Hunt and Jack Nicholson,
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各位還記得那部海倫．杭特和傑克．尼柯遜主演的電影，
11:17
and Helen Hunt says to Jack Nicholson, "What do you see in me?"
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在裡頭海倫．杭特問傑克．尼柯遜:"你是看上了我哪一點?"
11:20
And Jack Nicholson just says,
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傑克．尼柯遜的回答則是:
11:22
"You make me want to be a better man."
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"你讓我想要成為一個更好的人。"
11:25
And you want a leader who inspires and challenges
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而你們想要的是一個能啟發你、挑戰你
11:27
and makes you want to be a better citizen. Right?
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並且讓你們想要變成一個更好的公民的總統。是嗎?
11:30
But at the moment, it's a Cicero thing.
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但在那個當下，那只是類似西塞羅的效應。
11:32
We like what Barack Obama says, but we don't do anything about it.
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我們喜歡巴拉克．歐巴馬所說的事情，然而我們卻沒有為此採取任何行動。
11:34
So he comes over to this country, and he says,
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所以他來到這個國家，他說:
11:37
"We need
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"我們需要
11:39
a big fiscal stimulus."
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一個強大的財政刺激措施。"
11:42
And everyone goes, "Great!" He leaves the country
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每個人都說:"太棒了!"然後他離開這個國家
11:44
and the French and the Germans go, "No, no, forget about that,
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接著法國和德國說:"不行，不行，這件事就算了吧，
11:47
absolutely not." Nothing happens. He goes to Strasburg.
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絕對不行。"於是甚麼事情也沒發生。然後他到史特拉斯堡。
11:49
He says, "We need more boots on the ground in Afghanistan."
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他說:"我們需要給予阿富汗更有利的援助。"
11:53
And everyone goes, "Great idea."
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每個人都說:"真是好主意!"
11:55
He leaves, people go, "No no no, we're not going to do that.
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他離開後，人們跟著說:"不不不，我們不應該這樣做。
11:57
5,000 maximum, and no rockets. No, no, not going to do it."
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5,000已經是上限了，而且不包刮火箭，不不，不能這樣做。"
12:00
He goes to Prague, he says, "We believe in a nuclear-free world."
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他去了布拉格，他說:"相信我們可以建立一個沒有核子武器的世界。"
12:03
And it's great to have an American president who can say the word "nuclear,"
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有個能把"核子"這個字唸清楚的美國總統真是太好了，
12:06
let's just point that out first.
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我們先把這點提出來。
12:08
Do you remember that? George Bush, "A nu-ca-ler."
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各位記得嗎?喬治．布希:"盒子"
12:10
Sorry, what? "A nu-ca-ler."
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對不起，你是說?"盒子"
12:13
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
12:14
Could you say "avuncular"? "Avunclear."
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你能不能說"叔叔"?"俗俗"
12:17
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
12:18
Thank you very much.
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非常感謝你。
12:20
But he says, "We want a nuclear-free world."
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但歐巴馬說:"我們要的是一個沒有核子武器的世界。"
12:22
And that day, North Korea, that very day,
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而那天，北韓，就在同一天，
12:24
North Korea is just seeing if it can
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北韓正在設法看是不是能
12:26
just get one over Japan --
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比日本--
12:29
(Laughter) --
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(笑聲)--
12:30
and land it before ...
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更早降落...
12:32
So, where do we look for inspiration? We've still got Bill Clinton.
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那麼，我們還能從何處尋求啟發?我們總還有比爾．柯林頓。
12:35
"Travels the world." (Laughs)
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"環遊世界。"(笑聲)
12:38
"I believe, I believe it was President Dwight D. Eisenhower who said ..."
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"我相信，我相信艾森豪總統說過..."
12:45
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
12:46
"Tell a lie; it was Diana Ross ..."
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"騙人的，其實是黛安娜．蘿絲說的..."
12:48
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
12:49
"... who said, reach out and touch ..."
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"...她說過，伸出手去探觸..."
12:52
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
12:54
"... somebody's gla -- hand."
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"...某人的--手。"
12:56
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
12:58
"Make this world a better place, if you can.
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"讓這個世界變得更美好，如果以可以的話。
13:01
I just think that's important. I really do.
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我認為那非常重要。我真的這麼認為。
13:04
And I was hoping Hillary would get to the White House,
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而且我也希望希拉蕊能夠入主白宮，
13:06
because she'd have been out of our home for four years.
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因為這麼一來她就得搬離我們的家四年了。
13:08
And I, you know." (Laughter)
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而我，你知道的。"(笑聲)
13:10
"So, when that didn't work out I had to make a few arrangements, let me tell you."
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"所以，當那件事情沒成功的時候，我就得再另做一些安排，我跟各位說。"
13:13
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
13:15
So, there's him. In Britain we have Prince Charles:
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然後，就是他。在英國我們有查爾斯王子。
13:17
"And the environment is so important, all we can do.
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"環境是相當重要的，我們都能為環境盡心。
13:20
My wife gets fed up with me constantly trying to
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我太太對我不斷試著
13:23
push emissions up her agenda."
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利用的她行程增加排放量感到非常厭煩。"
13:25
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
13:27
Or, any South Africans, we have Mandela to inspire.
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或者，在座的南非人，我們有曼德拉給我們啟發。
13:32
Mandela, the great man Mandela.
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曼德拉，偉大的曼德啦。
13:34
He's been honored with a statue now.
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現在都有他的雕像向他致意了。
13:36
The previous highest honor he had in Britain
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上次他在英國接受的最高榮譽
13:38
was a visit from the team from Ground Force, a gardening program.
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是接受陸軍的邀請，參觀一個園藝活動。
13:41
"So, Nelson, how would you like a nice water feature?"
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"那麼，尼爾森，你想不想要一個美麗的水造景?"
13:45
"Ahh, listen to me Mr. Titchmarsh."
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"啊！聽我說帝奇馬緒先生。"
13:49
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
13:51
"I was held in prison
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"我之前被關了
13:56
for nearly 30 years
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快三十年，
13:59
on an island
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就關在
14:01
in the middle of the ocean.
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汪洋裡的一座小島上。
14:04
Why would I need a bloody water feature?"
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我還幹嘛想要啥該死的水造景呢?"
14:07
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
14:09
Very quickly: I wasn't quite sure how to end this talk
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很快的說一下:之前我其實不太確定要怎麼結尾
14:13
and then yesterday that man came up with a wonderful quote
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直到昨天有人從"閒論日本散文"裡
14:16
from the "Japanese Essays on Idleness"
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引述了一句很棒的話。
14:18
which said it's nice to have something which is unfinished
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大意是說未完成的事情是非常美好的
14:20
because it implies there is still room for growth.
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因為那意味著還有繼續成長的空間。
14:23
Thank you very much indeed.
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真的非常感謝各位。
14:25
(Applause)
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（掌聲）
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Rory Bremner - ComedianOne of the UK's sharpest funny men, Rory Bremner exposes the lunacies of modern politics with devilishly clever political satire and spot-on impressions of leaders from around the world.
Why you should listen
From pop star to political pundit, Scottish-born satirist Rory Bremner has been channeling famous folks for decades. While the frenetic funny man may be most recognized for his regular cameo on Whose Line is It Anyway? (that was Bremner as Prince Charles on a dating show), his wicked impressions of Tony Blair and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad have landed him in popular one-man shows and on BBC news and comedy spots like Mock the Week. Bremner's comedic antics run the gamut between anti-war activism to Monty Python-like goofiness. He recently convinced Labour Party's Margaret Beckett he was Prime Minister Gordon Brown during a controversial phone conversation.
When he's not prank-calling members of Parliament, the tri-lingual comedian writes farcical plays and translates operas from French and German into English. He recently "wit-synced"at The Big Brecht Fest at London's Young Vic Theatre.
Rory Bremner | Speaker | TED.com