Thordis Elva and Tom Stranger: Our story of rape and reconciliation
Thordis Elva, Tom Stranger: La nostra història de violació i reconciliació
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i descripcions de violència sexual.
and descriptions of sexual violence
when I was 18 years old,
quan tenia 18 anys,
on an international exchange program.
d'un programa d'intercanvi internacional
who prefers proper icy cold weather,
que prefereix un clima fred
when I got on a plane to Iceland,
quan vaig pujar a l'avió cap a Islàndia,
my parents and brothers goodbye.
als meus pares i germans.
of a beautiful Icelandic family
família islandesa molt amable
of the melodic Icelandic language.
la llengua islandesa.
period of homesickness.
el període inicial d'enyorança.
that you don't yet fully understand
en una llengua que no comprens massa
I try out for the school play,
l'obra de teatre de l'escola,
being part of the play,
no vaig participar a l'obra,
to just hold hands
només per donar-nos la mà
and she met my friends.
i ella va conèixer els meus amics.
for a bit over a month
una mica més d'un mes
el Ball de Nadal de l'escola.
and in love for the first time.
quan em vaig enamorar per primer cop
of our relationship,
de la nostra relació,
girl in the world.
la noia més afortunada del món.
per començar a ser una dona.
rum for the first time that night, too.
el rom per primer cop aquella nit.
to call me an ambulance,
volien trucar una ambulància,
in shining armor,
com el meu cavaller salvador,
al meu llit.
towards him soon turned to horror
aviat es va tornar en horror
and get on top of me.
i a posar-se a sobre meu.
too weak to fight back,
estava massa dèbil per lluitar,
on my alarm clock.
del meu despertador.
seconds in two hours.
en dues hores.
and crying for weeks,
i plorar durant setmanes,
about rape like I'd seen on TV.
de violació que havia vist a la tele.
what had happened to me as rape,
el que m'havia passat com a violació,
to address what had happened.
parlar del que havia passat.
where girls are taught
on s'ensenya a les noies
from being raped that night,
que fos violada aquella nit,
from being raped that night
que fos violada aquella nit
that I tried to stifle.
pel que eren.
around my mind as it should've,
al cap com hauria d'haver fet,
with memories of the night before.
amb els records de la nit anterior.
of reality was forbidden.
de reconèixer la realitat.
refuted any recognition
refutava completament reconèixer
que vaig causar a la Thordis.
in the days afterwards
els dies següents
myself it was sex and not rape.
que va ser sexe i no violació.
spine-bending guilt for.
un dolor insuportable.
a couple of days later,
uns dies després,
estada a Islàndia,
of my year in Iceland,
of heavyheartedness each time.
remordiment cada vegada.
something immeasurably wrong.
una cosa immesurablement horrible.
I sunk the memories deep,
vaig cavar una gran fossa
as "Denial and Running."
"Negació i Fugida".
the real torment that I caused,
d'identificar el turment que havia causat,
of my inner speak,
del que deia el meu interior,
upon other parts of my life
de la meva vida
treballador social amb joves.
that I wasn't a bad person.
que no era mala persona.
i models a seguir,
this dark corner of myself,
aquest racó fosc de mi mateix,
for a nervous breakdown.
under a soul-crushing load of silence
enterrada sota un silenci profund
that I cared about,
que m'importaven,
with misplaced hatred and anger
of the door in tears
ésser estimat,
a la cambrera.
in moments of inspiration,
en moments d'inspiració,
to be constantly fidgeting,
estar fent alguna cosa constantment,
as the words streamed out of my pen,
com les paraules brollaven del bolígraf,
I've ever written,
que havia escrit mai,
that he subjected me to,
a la que m'havia sotmès,
was my way out of my suffering,
l'única manera de deixar de patir,
he deserved my forgiveness,
mereixia el meu perdó o no,
of negative responses,
tipus de respostes negatives,
no response whatsoever.
cap resposta.
that I didn't prepare myself for
no estava preparada
full of disarming regret.
plena de penediment.
had been imprisoned by silence.
empresonat pel silenci.
of an eight-year-long correspondence
que va durar 8 anys,
that I'd wrongfully shouldered,
que erròniament m'havia adjudicat,
owned up to what he'd done.
el que havia fet.
en una plataforma
d'aquella nit,
from gut-wrenching
des de esfereïdores
closure for me.
el que havia passat.
didn't feel personal enough,
no era suficientment personal,
screen on the other side of the planet.
a l'altra punta del món.
to explore to its fullest.
al màxim.
to propose a wild idea:
per a proposar una idea:
are geographically like this.
geogràficament així.
a stunningly powerful environment
un context molt potent
and forgiveness.
i el perdó.
and rapprochement been tested
la reparació i l'acostament
to sit within the truth of its past,
la veritat del seu passat,
of its history.
de la seva història.
that Cape Town had on us.
de Ciutat del Cap en nosaltres.
our life stories to each other,
les nostres vides,
our own history.
les nostres històries.
of being honest,
d'honestedat,
with a certain exposure,
una certa exposició,
absolutely couldn't fathom
no podíem entendre
were spoken aloud and felt,
de la violència sexual,
but liberating laughter.
inesperat però alliberador.
to each other intently.
per escoltar a l'altre.
were aired with an unfiltered purity
van ser alliberades amb una puresa
than lighten the soul.
que alleugerir l'ànima.
is a very human emotion --
és una emoció molt humana --
as he had hurt me.
com ell m'havia fet a mi.
out of the hatred and anger,
al meu odi i la meva ira,
my doubts along the way.
els meus dubtes en el camí.
on that landing strip in Cape Town,
a Ciutat del Cap,
a therapist and a bottle of vodka
ampolla de vodka i un terapeuta
for understanding in Cape Town
recerca de l'enteniment
husband, Vidir,
amb el meu estimat marit, Vidir,
in a victorious feeling
en un sentiment de victòria
could be built out of the ruins.
reconstruir de les ruïnes.
that you needed when you were younger.
que necessitaves quan eres jove.
that the shame wasn't mine,
que la culpa no va ser meva,
de la violació,
upon my return from Cape Town,
a escriure com una boja a la tornada,
co-escrit amb en Tom,
to people from both ends
a persones d'ambdós extrems
to hear when we were younger.
haver sentit quan érem joves.
that inevitably accompany it --
l'acompanyen --
d'organitzar conceptes,
in their connotations.
donades les seves connotacions.
as someone damaged,
a algú malmès,
has been branded a rapist,
categoritzat com a violador,
to call him a monster --
titllar-lo de monstre --
what it is in human societies
què és el que produeix violència
the humanity of those who commit it?
l'humanitat d'aquells que la cometen?
if we're making them feel less than?
si les fem sentir menys que?
to one of the biggest threats
a una de les majors amenaces
around the world,
de tot el món,
are part of the problem?
fem servir són part del problema?
were a self-centered taking.
van ser egoistes.
social influences
principalment positives
behavior around me.
adequat al meu voltant.
as having less intrinsic worth,
com a éssers inferiors,
and symbolic claim to their bodies.
el dret sobre els seus cossos.
are external to me, though.
són externes a mi.
making choices,
prenent decisions,
de les teves accions,
under the weight of responsibility.
el pes de la responsabilitat.
of humanity would be burnt.
d'humanitat seria cremat.
to really own what I did,
reconèixer el que havia fet,
the entirety of who I am.
no representava la totalitat de qui sóc.
to constitute the sum of who you are.
la suma de qui ets.
was starved of oxygen,
va ser privada d'oxigen,
with the clean air of acceptance --
de l'acceptació --
this wonderful person standing next to me;
a aquesta persona meravellosa;
and shockingly everyday grouping of men
gran i sorprenentment normal d'homes
toward their partners.
amb la seva parella.
changed my accord with myself,
va canviar com em veia a mi mateix,
de la Thordis a mi.
to female survivors of sexual violence,
de la violència sexual,
at a great distance from the truth.
de la veritat.
conversation happening now,
that there's less retreating
gent es fa enrere
but important discussion.
però important discussió.
to add our voices to it.
d'afegir-hi les nostres veus.
that we're prescribing for others.
que prescrivim als demés.
how to handle their deepest pain
com has de gestionar el teu propi dolor
you are in the world,
to speak out about rape.
parlar sobre violació.
traumatic event of my life
més traumàtica de la meva vida,
without getting ostracized,
sense ser condemnada,
de tenir veu,
my fellow survivors who can't.
pels supervivents que no poden.
violence being a global pandemic.
és una pandèmia global.
on my own healing journey
en el meu propi viatge emocional
I've been reading, writing
for over a decade now,
durant més d'una dècada,
are almost exclusively women.
quasi exclusivament dones.
sexual violence as a women's issue.
sexual com un problema de dones.
against women and men
contra homes i dones
underrepresented in this discussion.
representades en aquesta discussió.
we could alleviate
que podríem evitar
problema junts.
ABOUT THE SPEAKERS
Thordis Elva - WriterThordis Elva is one of the two authors of "South of Forgiveness," a unique collaboration between a survivor and perpetrator of rape.
Why you should listen
Thordis Elva is a firm believer in the healing potential of dialogue when it comes to ending the silence that shrouds sexual violence. In 2015, she was voted Woman of the Year in her native Iceland due to her tireless campaigning for gender equality.
As an award-winning writer, journalist and public speaker, Elva has utilized many different platforms for her activism, including plays, films and books. Her passion for equality extends to the internet, and she has toured extensively giving lectures about online bullying, non-consensual pornography and digital human rights to audiences such as the United Nations and the Nordic Council of Ministers.
Read a Q&A with Elva about her TED Talk on the TED Blog.
Thordis Elva | Speaker | TED.com
Tom Stranger - Co-author, landscape gardener
Tom Stranger is the co-author "South of Forgiveness."
Why you should listen
Social sciences and the outdoors have been both professional directions and personal themes for Tom Stranger. After studying social science and working in outdoor recreation, Tom Stranger's focus shifted towards working with young people with complex needs -- mental health challenges, substance addiction, homelessness and neurological impairment. His time working with young people has taught him the immense value of listening with intent.
Stranger has recently completed and thoroughly enjoyed a Master of Cultural Studies at the University of Sydney, and he has returned to work in the outdoors as a landscaper. During his studies, he was involved as a co-author in the writing of South of Forgiveness. He and the book's primary author, Thordis Elva, share the hope that in speaking up they will add their voices to the ever-growing public discourse around relations of gender and sexual violence.
Read a Q&A with Stranger about his TED Talk on the TED Blog.
Tom Stranger | Speaker | TED.com