04:17
TEDSalon 2006

Rives: If I controlled the Internet

ライブスのインターネット操作

Filmed:

どれだけの詩人がイーベイやフレンドスター、モンスタードットコムをスタンディングオベーションに値するわずか3分の詩に詰め込めるだろうか。ライブスの唯一無二の才能をご堪能ください。

- Performance poet, multimedia artist
Performance artist and storyteller Rives has been called "the first 2.0 poet," using images, video and technology to bring his words to life. Full bio

I wrote this poem after hearing a pretty well known actress
この詩を書いたのは皆さんご存知のある女優がテレビで
00:26
tell a very well known interviewer on television,
有名なインタビュワーにこういっているのを耳にしたからです
00:30
"I'm really getting into the Internet lately.
「最近インターネットに夢中なの」
00:33
I just wish it were more organized."
「もう少し整頓されてたらいいのにな」
00:35
So ...
そこで
00:37
(Laughter)
(笑)
00:38
If I controlled the Internet,
私がインターネットを操れれば
00:42
you could auction your broken heart on eBay.
失恋で痛めた心をイーベイのオークションで売り
00:45
Take the money; go to Amazon;
そのお金でamazonに行き
00:49
buy a phonebook for a country you've never been to -- call folks at random
異国の電話帳を購入し くどき上手が
00:51
until you find someone who flirts really well in a foreign language.
見つけるまで電話をかけられるだろうね
00:55
(Laughter)
(笑)
00:58
If I were in charge of the Internet,
私がインターネットの管理人ならば
00:59
you could Mapquest your lover's mood swings.
恋人の感情の起伏をマップクエストで調べ
01:01
Hang left at cranky, right at preoccupied,
不機嫌で左に 上の空なら右へ曲がり
01:04
U-turn on silent treatment,
不穏な沈黙はUターン
01:08
all the way back to tongue kissing and good lovin'.
こうしてディープキスまで帰り着きます
01:10
You could navigate and understand every emotional intersection.
感情の交差点も思いのまま
01:13
Some days, I'm as shallow as a baking pan,
いつか私は焼き型のように薄く
01:16
but I still stretch miles in all directions.
しかしどの方向にも長く広く伸びるだろう
01:19
If I owned the Internet, Napster, Monster and Friendster.com
インターネットが私の所有物ならばNapster Monster Friendster.comは
01:21
would be one big website.
1つの巨大ウェブサイトになるだろう
01:27
That way you could listen to cool music
こうして仕事探しをしている振りをし
01:29
while you pretend to look for a job
実は友達とチャットをしている合間に
01:31
and you're really just chattin' with your pals.
おしゃれな音楽を聴くことができるだろ
01:33
(Laughter)
(笑)
01:35
Heck, if I ran the Web, you could email dead people.
私がインターネットのオーナーなら死んだ人にもメールできるだろう
01:36
(Laughter)
(笑)
01:40
They would not email you back
彼らは返事しないだろうけど
01:42
(Laughter) --
(笑)
01:44
but you'd get an automated reply.
自動返信ならありえるでしょうね
01:45
(Laughter)
(笑)
01:47
Their name in your inbox
受信箱に彼らの名前さえあれば
01:49
(Laughter) --
(笑)
01:51
it's all you wanted anyway.
それで満足でしょ
01:52
And a message saying, "Hey, it's me. I miss you.
本文はというと「やあ 私だ 寂しいよ」
01:54
(Laughter)
(笑)
01:57
Listen, you'll see being dead is dandy.
「聞けよ 死ぬのも悪くないぞ」
01:58
Now you go back to raising kids and waging peace and craving candy."
「生きてれば子育て 世界平和 おやつも食べたくなるだろうしな」
02:01
If I designed the Internet, childhood.com would be a loop
私がインターネットをデザインすればスキーの板を剣に
02:05
of a boy in an orchard, with a ski pole for a sword,
ゴミ場のふたを盾に構えた男の子が果樹園で繰り返し叫ぶだろう
02:10
trashcan lid for a shield, shouting, "I am the emperor of oranges.
「私はオレンジの王である」
02:15
I am the emperor of oranges. I am the emperor of oranges."
「私はオレンジの王である 私はオレンジの王である」
02:18
Now follow me, OK?
ついてきてくださいよ
02:21
(Laughter)
(笑)
02:22
Grandma.com would be a recipe for biscuits and spit-bath instructions.
おばあちゃん.comはビスケットのレシピとつば磨きをお教えします
02:23
One, two, three.
1 2 3
02:26
That links with hotdiggitydog.com.
犬だらけグッズサイトのリンクがある
02:28
That is my grandfather.
これは私の祖父。
02:30
They take you to gruff-ex-cop-on-his-fourth-marriage.dad.
「不機嫌なバツ3元警察官兼父」に飛ばされます
02:32
He forms an attachment to
彼はこんなサイトに興味がある
02:34
kind-of-ditzy-but-still-sends-ginger-snaps-for-Christmas.mom,
「なんとなく間抜けだがいまだにクリスマスにジンジャークッキーを贈る母」
02:35
who downloads the boy in the orchard, the emperor of oranges,
果樹園の男の子 オレンジの王様
02:37
who grows up to be me --
すなわち後の私
02:41
the guy who usually goes too far.
だいたい行き過ぎの男をダウンロードする
02:44
So if I were emperor of the Internet,
さて 私がインターネットの王だとしても
02:46
I guess I'd still be mortal, huh?
不死にはなりませんよね?
02:49
But at that point, I would probably
しかしこの時点で既に
02:52
already have the lowest possible mortgage
最低利率の住宅抵当と世界最大の
02:54
and the most enlarged possible penis
ペニスを獲得しているでしょうね
02:58
(Laughter) --
(笑)
03:00
so I would outlaw spam on my first day in office.
戴冠の日にスパムは違法化します
03:01
I wouldn't need it.
こんなもの要りませんから
03:03
I'd be like some kind of Internet genius, and me,
インターネット天才みたいになって
03:05
I'd like to upgrade to deity and maybe just like that --
神に格上げされて そのうちこんな風に
03:07
pop! -- I'd go wireless.
バン! ワイヤレスです
03:11
(Laughter)
(笑)
03:14
Huh? Maybe Google would hire this.
ね?たぶんGoogleも採用しますよ
03:15
I could zip through your servers and firewalls like a virus
ウィルスみたいにサーバーとファイヤーウォールに侵入できます
03:17
until the World Wide Web is as wise, as wild and as organized
ワールドワイドウェブが賢く 大胆でかつ整理されている
03:19
as I think a modern-day miracle/oracle can get, but, ooh-eee,
いまどきのミラクルもとい オラクルがそうであるくらいになるまでやります
03:23
you want to bet just how whack and un-PC
だけど そんな大変化があったらMacやPCが
03:28
your Mac or PC is going to be when I'm rocking
変なものになるだろうって思うでしょう
03:32
hot-shit-hot-shot-god.net?
神の試み.net?
03:34
I guess it's just like life.
まんま人生みたいですね
03:36
It is not a question of if you can --
できるかどうかが問題ではありません
03:38
it's: do ya?
するかですよね?
03:40
We can interfere with the interface.
インターフェースはいじれます。
03:42
We can make "You've got Hallelujah" the national anthem of cyberspace
ログオンするという幸運のたびに
03:44
every lucky time we log on.
「ハレルヤ」をサイバー空間のテーマソングにすることもできる。
03:47
You don't say a prayer.
祈りをささげない
03:49
You don't write a psalm.
賛美歌は書かない
03:51
You don't chant an "om."
念仏を唱えない
03:53
You send one blessed email to whomever you're thinking of
ただ 祝福されたメールを送る
03:55
at dah-da-la-dat-da-dah-da-la-dat.com.
@ララララ~.com宛てだと思う人へ
03:59
Thank you, TED.
ありがとう TED
04:05
(Applause)
(拍手)
04:06
Translated by Mariko Wada
Reviewed by Takahiro Shimpo

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About the Speaker:

Rives - Performance poet, multimedia artist
Performance artist and storyteller Rives has been called "the first 2.0 poet," using images, video and technology to bring his words to life.

Why you should listen

Part poet, part storyteller, part philosopher, Rives is the co-host of TEDActive as well as a frequent TED speaker. On stage, his poems burst in many directions, exposing multiple layers and unexpected treats: childhood memories, grown-up humor, notions of love and lust, of what is lost forever and of what's still out there waiting to unfold. Chimborazo.

A regular on HBO's Def Poetry Jam, Rives also starred alongside model Bar Refaeli in the 2008 Bravo special Ironic Iconic America, touring the United States on a "roller coaster ride through the eye-popping panorama of American pop culture." Flat pages can't contain his storytelling, even when paper is his medium. The pop-up books he creates for children unfold with surprise: The Christmas Pop-Up Present expands to reveal moving parts, hidden areas and miniature booklets inside. 

His latest project—the Museum of Four in the Morning—is an ode to a time that may well be part of a global conspiracy. In a good way.  

More profile about the speaker
Rives | Speaker | TED.com