TED2019
Brittany Packnett: How to build your confidence -- and spark it in others
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"Confidence is the necessary spark before everything that follows," says educator and activist Brittany Packnett. In an inspiring talk, she shares three ways to crack the code of confidence -- and her dream for a world where revolutionary confidence helps turn our most ambitious dreams into reality.
Brittany Packnett - Activist, educator, writer
An activist, educator and writer, Brittany Packnett uses every platform she has to teach truth that provokes people to action -- for the sake of freedom and justice. Full bio
An activist, educator and writer, Brittany Packnett uses every platform she has to teach truth that provokes people to action -- for the sake of freedom and justice. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
So when I was a little girl,
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a book sat on the coffee table
in our living room,
in our living room,
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just steps from our front door.
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And the living room is a first impression.
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Ours had white carpet
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and a curio of my mother's
most treasured collectibles.
most treasured collectibles.
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That room represented the sacrifices
of generations gone by
of generations gone by
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who, by poverty or by policy,
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couldn't afford a curio of collectibles
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let alone a middle class house
to put them in.
to put them in.
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That room had to stay perfect.
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But I would risk messing up
that perfect room every day
that perfect room every day
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just to see that book.
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On the cover sat a woman
named Septima Clark.
named Septima Clark.
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She sat in perfect profile
with her face raised to the sky.
with her face raised to the sky.
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She had perfect salt-and-pepper cornrows
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platted down the sides of her head,
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and pride and wisdom
just emanated from her dark skin.
just emanated from her dark skin.
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Septima Clark was an activist
and an educator,
and an educator,
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a woman after whom I'd eventually
model my own career.
model my own career.
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But more than all the words
she ever spoke,
she ever spoke,
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that single portrait of Septima Clark,
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it defined confidence for me
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before I ever even knew the word.
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It may sound simple,
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but confidence is something
that we underestimate the importance of.
that we underestimate the importance of.
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We treat it like a nice-to-have
instead of a must-have.
instead of a must-have.
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We place value on knowledge and resources
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above what we deem to be
the soft skill of confidence.
the soft skill of confidence.
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But by most measures,
we have more knowledge
we have more knowledge
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and more resources now
than at any other point in history,
than at any other point in history,
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and still injustice abounds
and challenges persist.
and challenges persist.
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If knowledge and resources
were all that we needed,
were all that we needed,
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we wouldn't still be here.
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02:01
And I believe that confidence
is one of the main things
is one of the main things
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missing from the equation.
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I'm completely obsessed with confidence.
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It's been the most important
journey of my life,
journey of my life,
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a journey that,
to be honest, I'm still on.
to be honest, I'm still on.
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Confidence is the necessary spark
before everything that follows.
before everything that follows.
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Confidence is the difference
between being inspired
between being inspired
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and actually getting started,
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between trying and doing until it's done.
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Confidence helps us keep going
even when we failed.
even when we failed.
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The name of the book on that coffee table
was "I Dream A World,"
was "I Dream A World,"
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and today I dream a world
where revolutionary confidence
where revolutionary confidence
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helps bring about our
most ambitious dreams into reality.
most ambitious dreams into reality.
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That's exactly the kind of world
that I wanted to create in my classroom
that I wanted to create in my classroom
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when I was a teacher,
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like a Willy Wonka world
of pure imagination,
of pure imagination,
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but make it scholarly.
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03:01
All of my students were black or brown.
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All of them were growing up
in a low-income circumstance.
in a low-income circumstance.
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Some of them were immigrants,
some of them were disabled,
some of them were disabled,
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but all of them were the very last people
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this world invites to be confident.
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That's why it was so important
that my classroom be a place
that my classroom be a place
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where my students could build
the muscle of confidence,
the muscle of confidence,
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where they could learn to face each day
with the confidence you need
with the confidence you need
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to redesign the world
in the image of your own dreams.
in the image of your own dreams.
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After all, what are academic skills
without the confidence to use those skills
without the confidence to use those skills
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to go out and change the world.
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Now is when I should tell you about
two of my students, Jamal and Regina.
two of my students, Jamal and Regina.
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Now, I've changed their names,
but their stories remain the same.
but their stories remain the same.
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Jamal was brilliant, but unfocused.
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He would squirm in his chair
during independent work,
during independent work,
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and he would never stay still
for more than three or four minutes.
for more than three or four minutes.
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Students like Jamal
can perplex brand new teachers
can perplex brand new teachers
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because they're not quite sure
how to support young people like him.
how to support young people like him.
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I took a direct approach.
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I negotiated with Jamal.
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If he could give me focused work,
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then he could do it
from anywhere in the classroom,
from anywhere in the classroom,
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from our classroom rug,
from behind my desk,
from behind my desk,
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from inside his classroom locker,
which turned out to be his favorite place.
which turned out to be his favorite place.
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Jamal's least favorite
subject was writing,
subject was writing,
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and he never wanted to read
what he had written out loud in class,
what he had written out loud in class,
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but we were still making progress.
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One day, I decided to host
a mock 2008 presidential election
a mock 2008 presidential election
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in my classroom.
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My third graders had to research
and write a stump speech
and write a stump speech
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for their chosen candidate:
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Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton
or John McCain.
or John McCain.
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The heavy favorites were obvious,
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but one student chose John McCain.
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It was Jamal.
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Jamal finally decided to read something
that he had written out loud in class,
that he had written out loud in class,
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and sure enough, Jamal stunned
all of us with his brilliance.
all of us with his brilliance.
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05:01
Just like Jamal's dad,
John McCain was a veteran,
John McCain was a veteran,
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and just like Jamal's dad protected him,
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Jamal believed that John McCain
would protect the entire country.
would protect the entire country.
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05:11
And he wasn't my candidate of choice,
but it didn't matter,
but it didn't matter,
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because the entire class
erupted into applause,
erupted into applause,
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a standing ovation
for our brave friend Jamal
for our brave friend Jamal
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who finally showed up
as his most confident self
as his most confident self
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for the first time that year.
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And then there was Regina.
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Regina was equally
as brilliant, but active.
as brilliant, but active.
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She'd inevitably finish her work early,
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and then she'd get on about the business
of distracting other students.
of distracting other students.
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(Laughter)
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Walking, talking,
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passing those notes
that teachers hate but kids love.
that teachers hate but kids love.
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You look like you passed a lot of them.
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(Laughter)
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05:49
Despite my high ideals for our classroom,
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I would too often default
to my baser instincts,
to my baser instincts,
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and I would choose
compliance over confidence.
compliance over confidence.
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Regina was a glitch in my intended system.
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A good teacher can correct misbehavior
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but still remain a student's champion.
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But on one day in particular,
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I just plain old chose control.
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I snapped,
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and my approach
didn't communicate to Regina
didn't communicate to Regina
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that she was being a distraction.
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My approach communicated to Regina
that she herself was a distraction.
that she herself was a distraction.
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I watched the light go out from her eyes,
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and that light sparked joy
in our classroom.
in our classroom.
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I had just extinguished it.
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The entire class became irritable,
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and we didn't recover
for the rest of the day.
for the rest of the day.
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I think about the day often,
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and I have literally prayed
that I did not do irreparable harm,
that I did not do irreparable harm,
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because as a woman who used to be
a little girl just like Regina,
a little girl just like Regina,
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I know that I could have started
the process of killing her confidence
the process of killing her confidence
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forever.
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A lack of confidence
pulls us down from the bottom
pulls us down from the bottom
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and weighs us down from the top,
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crushing us between a flurry
of can'ts, won'ts and impossibles.
of can'ts, won'ts and impossibles.
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Without confidence, we get stuck,
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and when we get stuck,
we can't even get started.
we can't even get started.
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Instead of getting mired
in what can get in our way,
in what can get in our way,
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confidence invites us
to perform with certainty.
to perform with certainty.
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We all operate a little differently
when we're sure we can win
when we're sure we can win
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versus if we just hope we will.
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Now, this can be a helpful check.
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If you don't have enough confidence,
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it could be because you need
to readjust your goal.
to readjust your goal.
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If you have too much confidence,
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it could be because
you're not rooted in something real.
you're not rooted in something real.
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Not everyone lacks confidence.
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We make it easier in this society
for some people to gain confidence
for some people to gain confidence
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because they fit our preferred
archetype of leadership.
archetype of leadership.
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We reward confidence in some people
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and we punish confidence in others,
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and all the while far too many people
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are walking around
every single day without it.
every single day without it.
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For some of us,
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confidence is a revolutionary choice,
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and it would be our greatest shame
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to see our best ideas go unrealized
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and our brightest dreams go unreached
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all because we lacked
the engine of confidence.
the engine of confidence.
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That's not a risk I'm willing to take.
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So how do we crack the code on confidence?
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In my estimation,
it takes at least three things:
it takes at least three things:
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permission, community and curiosity.
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Permission births confidence,
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community nurtures it
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and curiosity affirms it.
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In education, we've got a saying,
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that you can't be what you can't see.
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When I was a little girl,
I couldn't show confidence
I couldn't show confidence
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until someone showed me.
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My family used to do everything together,
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including the mundane things,
like buying a new car,
like buying a new car,
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and every time we did this,
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I'd watch my parents
put on the exact same performance.
put on the exact same performance.
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We'd enter the dealership,
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and my dad would sit
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while my mom shopped.
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When my mom found a car that she liked,
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they'd go in and meet with the dealer,
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and inevitably, every time
the dealer would turn his attention
the dealer would turn his attention
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and his body to my dad,
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assuming that he
controlled the purse strings
controlled the purse strings
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and therefore this negotiation.
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"Rev. Packnett," they'd say,
"how do we get you into this car today?"
"how do we get you into this car today?"
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My dad would inevitably
respond the same way.
respond the same way.
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He'd slowly and silently
gesture toward my mother
gesture toward my mother
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and then put his hands
right back in his lap.
right back in his lap.
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It might have been the complete shock
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of negotiating finances
with a black woman in the '80s,
with a black woman in the '80s,
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but whatever it was,
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I'd watch my mother
work these car dealers over
work these car dealers over
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until they were basically
giving the car away for free.
giving the car away for free.
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(Laughter)
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She would never crack a smile.
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She would never be afraid to walk away.
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I know my mom just thought
she was getting a good deal on a minivan,
she was getting a good deal on a minivan,
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but what she was actually doing
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was giving me permission
to defy expectations
to defy expectations
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and to show up confidently in my skill
no matter who doubts me.
no matter who doubts me.
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Confidence needs permission to exist
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and community is the safest place
to try confidence on.
to try confidence on.
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I traveled to Kenya this year
to learn about women's empowerment
to learn about women's empowerment
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among Maasai women.
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There I met a group of young women
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called Team Lioness,
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among Kenya's first all-female
community ranger groups.
community ranger groups.
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These eight brave young women
were making history
were making history
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in just their teenage years,
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and I asked Purity, the most verbose
young ranger among them,
young ranger among them,
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"Do you ever get scared?"
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I swear to you, I want to tattoo
her response all over my entire body.
her response all over my entire body.
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She said, "Of course I do,
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but I call on my sisters.
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They remind me that we
will be better than these men
will be better than these men
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and that we will not fail."
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Purity's confidence to chase down
lions and catch poachers,
lions and catch poachers,
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it didn't come from her athletic ability
or even just her faith.
or even just her faith.
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Her confidence was
propped up by sisterhood,
propped up by sisterhood,
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by community.
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What she was basically saying
was that if I am ever in doubt,
was that if I am ever in doubt,
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I need you to be there
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to restore my hope
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and to rebuild my certainty.
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In community, I can find my confidence
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and your curiosity can affirm it.
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Early in my career,
I led a large-scale event
I led a large-scale event
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that did not go exactly as planned.
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I'm lying to you. It was terrible.
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And when I debriefed the event
with my manager,
with my manager,
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I just knew that she
was going to run down the list
was going to run down the list
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of every mistake I had ever made,
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probably from birth.
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But instead, she opened with a question:
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What was your intention?
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I was surprised but relieved.
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She knew that I was already
beating myself up,
beating myself up,
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and that question invited me
to learn from my own mistakes
to learn from my own mistakes
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instead of damage
my already fragile confidence.
my already fragile confidence.
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Curiosity invites people
to be in charge of their own learning.
to be in charge of their own learning.
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That exchange, it helped me
approach my next project
approach my next project
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with the expectation of success.
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Permission, community, curiosity:
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all of these are the things that we
will need to breed the confidence
will need to breed the confidence
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that we'll absolutely need
to solve our greatest challenges
to solve our greatest challenges
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and to build the world we dream,
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a world where inequity is ended
and where justice is real,
and where justice is real,
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a world where we can be free
on the outside and free on the inside
on the outside and free on the inside
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because we know that none of us are free
until all of us are free.
until all of us are free.
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A world that isn't
intimidated by confidence
intimidated by confidence
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when it shows up as a woman
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or in black skin
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or in anything other than
our preferred archetypes of leadership.
our preferred archetypes of leadership.
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A world that knows
that that kind of confidence
that that kind of confidence
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is exactly the key we need
to unlock the future that we want.
to unlock the future that we want.
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I have enough confidence
to believe that that world
to believe that that world
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will indeed come to pass,
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and that we are the ones to make it so.
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Thank you so much.
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(Applause)
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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Brittany Packnett - Activist, educator, writerAn activist, educator and writer, Brittany Packnett uses every platform she has to teach truth that provokes people to action -- for the sake of freedom and justice.
Why you should listen
In her own words, Brittany Packnett is "a disciple of radical, productive candor. I found, through prayer and practice, that truth provokes change like nothing else ever will. We owe truth our fiercest loyalty.”
Packnett cohosts the award-winning Pod Save The People and has penned her first book, We Are Like Those Who Dream, due to be published in spring 2020. She writes for Teen Vogue and other publications, speaks to live and television audiences across the world, and coleads Campaign Zero. Everyday, she uses platforms on and offline to activate people toward action and equip them with the skills and mindsets to make disciplined social change.
Brittany Packnett | Speaker | TED.com