TED Residency
Lindsay Amer: Why kids need to learn about gender and sexuality
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Lindsay Amer is the creator of "Queer Kid Stuff," an educational video series that breaks down complex ideas around gender and sexuality through songs and metaphors. By giving kids and their families a vocabulary to express themselves, Amer is helping to create more empathetic adults -- and spreading a message of radical acceptance in a world where it's sometimes dangerous to just be yourself. "I want kids to grow up and into themselves with pride for who they are and who they can be," Amer says.
Lindsay Amer - Digital creator
Lindsay "Lindz" Amer creates LGBTQ+ and social justice media for kids and families. Full bio
Lindsay "Lindz" Amer creates LGBTQ+ and social justice media for kids and families. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
Alright, let's get this kicked off.
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(Music)
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(Singing) It's OK to be gay.
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We are different in many ways.
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Doesn't matter if you're a boy,
girl or somewhere in between,
girl or somewhere in between,
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we all are part of one big family.
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Gay means "happy."
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Queer Kid Stuff.
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You are enough
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here at Queer Kid Stuff.
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(Applause)
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Opening a performance with lyrics
like "It's OK to be gay"
like "It's OK to be gay"
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for a roomful of adults is one thing,
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but it's entirely different
for a roomful of kindergartners.
for a roomful of kindergartners.
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What you've just heard is the theme song
for my web series "Queer Kid Stuff,"
for my web series "Queer Kid Stuff,"
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where I make LGBTQ+
and social justice videos for all ages.
and social justice videos for all ages.
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And when I say all ages,
I mean literal babies
I mean literal babies
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to your great-great-grandma.
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Now, I know what you're thinking:
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"Whoa, they're talking
about gay stuff with kids."
about gay stuff with kids."
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But talking to kids about gay stuff
is actually crucial.
is actually crucial.
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The American Academy
of Pediatrics has found
of Pediatrics has found
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that children have a solid understanding
of their gender identity
of their gender identity
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by the age of four.
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This is when children
are developing their sense of self.
are developing their sense of self.
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They're observing the world around them,
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absorbing that information
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and internalizing it.
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Now, most parents want their children
to become kind, empathetic,
to become kind, empathetic,
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self-confident adults,
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and exposure to diversity
is an important part
is an important part
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of that social and emotional development.
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And -- gender nonconforming kids
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and trans kids and kids with trans
and nonbinary and queer parents
and nonbinary and queer parents
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are everywhere.
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In the series, my stuffed bear cohost
and I talk about the LGBT community,
and I talk about the LGBT community,
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activism, gender and pronouns,
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consent and body positivity.
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We tackle these topics through songs,
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not unlike the one you just heard,
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simple definitions and metaphors.
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We approach these ideas, to steal a phrase
from an old professor of mine,
from an old professor of mine,
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from "under the doorknob" --
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getting down to toddler height
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and looking up at the great big world
through their tiny little eyes,
through their tiny little eyes,
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taking these seemingly complex ideas
and simplifying them --
and simplifying them --
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not dumbing them down,
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but homing in on the core concept.
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Gender is about how we feel
and how we express ourselves.
and how we express ourselves.
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Sexuality is about love
and gender and family,
and gender and family,
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not about sex.
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And these are all ideas
children can grasp.
children can grasp.
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In one of my earliest
episodes about gender,
episodes about gender,
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I used the idea of pronouns
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to underscore the definition
and introduce gender-neutral pronouns
and introduce gender-neutral pronouns
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like "they" and "them."
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I encourage children to think
about their own pronouns
about their own pronouns
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and to ask others for theirs.
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In later episodes,
I build on this foundation
I build on this foundation
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and introduce big fancy words
like "nonbinary" and "transgender."
like "nonbinary" and "transgender."
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I get emails from viewers in their 20s
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who use my videos to explain
nonbinary gender to their grandparents.
nonbinary gender to their grandparents.
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But, I get one comment
over and over again:
over and over again:
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"Let kids be kids."
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Well, that's a nice sentiment and all,
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but only if it actually includes all kids.
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Just a few weeks ago,
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a 15-year-old in Huntsville, Alabama
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died by suicide after being
bullied for being gay.
bullied for being gay.
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In 2018, it was a seven-year-old
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in Denver, Colorado.
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There have been and will be many more.
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Lesbian, gay and bisexual teens
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are more than three times
more likely to attempt suicide
more likely to attempt suicide
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than their heterosexual peers,
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and transgender teens
are almost six times more likely.
are almost six times more likely.
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According to one study,
roughly one third of homeless youth
roughly one third of homeless youth
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identify as lesbian, gay,
bisexual or questioning,
bisexual or questioning,
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and about four percent of homeless youth
identify as transgender,
identify as transgender,
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compared with one percent
of the general youth population surveyed.
of the general youth population surveyed.
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According to the Human Rights Campaign,
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there have been 128 killings
of trans people
of trans people
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in 87 cities across 32 states
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since 2013.
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And those are the only the reported cases.
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And 80 percent of those killings
were of trans women of color.
were of trans women of color.
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The queer situation is bleak,
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to say the least.
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The YouTube comments on my videos
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are not much better.
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I'm used to the harassment.
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I get messages daily
telling me I'm a pedophile
telling me I'm a pedophile
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and that I should kill myself
in a number of increasingly creative ways.
in a number of increasingly creative ways.
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I once had to put the word "truck"
on my block list
on my block list
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because someone wanted me
to get run over by a truck.
to get run over by a truck.
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"Shower" and "oven" are in there, too,
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for the less creative and more disturbing
Holocaust reference.
Holocaust reference.
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When neo-Nazis marched in Charlottesville,
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I was unsurprised to learn
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that the creator of a violent Reddit meme
about one of my episodes
about one of my episodes
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was in the tiki torch crowd.
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This barrage of negativity
is what we're up against:
is what we're up against:
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the crushing statistics, the violence,
the mental health risks,
the mental health risks,
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the well-meaning but flawed response
my parents gave me when I came out,
my parents gave me when I came out,
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that they didn't want me
to have a harder life.
to have a harder life.
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That's what we're up against.
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But in the face of all that,
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I choose joy.
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I choose rainbows
and unicorns and glitter,
and unicorns and glitter,
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and I sing that it's OK to be gay
with my childhood stuffed teddy bear.
with my childhood stuffed teddy bear.
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I make queer media for kids
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because I wish I had this
when I was their age.
when I was their age.
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I make it so others don't have
to struggle through what I did,
to struggle through what I did,
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not understanding my identity
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because I didn't have any exposure
to who I could be.
to who I could be.
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I teach and spread this message
through joy and positivity
through joy and positivity
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instead of framing it around
the hardships of queer life.
the hardships of queer life.
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I want kids to grow up and into themselves
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with pride for who they are
and who they can be,
and who they can be,
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no matter who they love or what they wear
or what pronouns they use.
or what pronouns they use.
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And I want them to love others
for their differences,
for their differences,
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not in spite of them.
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I think fostering this pride and empathy
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will make the world a kinder
and more equal place
and more equal place
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and combat the bigotry and hate
that festers in our world.
that festers in our world.
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So, talk to a kid about gender.
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Talk to a kid about sexuality.
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Teach them about consent.
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Tell them it is OK
for boys to wear dresses
for boys to wear dresses
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and for girls to speak up.
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Let's spread radical queer joy.
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Thank you.
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(Applause)
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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Lindsay Amer - Digital creatorLindsay "Lindz" Amer creates LGBTQ+ and social justice media for kids and families.
Why you should listen
Lindz Amer writes, produces and cohosts Queer Kid Stuff, an original LGBTQ+ educational webseries for ages three and up. They also perform QKS music and stories at schools, museums, libraries and local LGBTQ+ community centers and are embarking on a six-city tour for the 2019-2020 school year. They recently executive produced a pride campaign to #SpreadQueerJoy in honor of the 50th Anniversary of the Stonewall Riots, which culminated in a celebratory music video.
Amer is the founder and CEO of Queer Kid Studios, a multimedia production company based in Portland, Maine, making queer-focused, intersectional all-ages media. The Huffington Post calls Queer Kid Stuff a "groundbreaking YouTube educational resource." Teen Vogue praised their episode on consent during the height of #MeToo, saying it "shows exactly why there's no excuse not to grasp consent. Even toddlers can understand it." And @shondarhimes tweeted she's "so here for this!" Amer is currently developing a children’s podcast focusing on social justice, and a narrative web series spin-off of QKS. They are also writing a picture book, and a full-length screenplay about a nonbinary kid!
Amer is a Creative Resident at SPACE on Ryder Farm, a TED Resident and were named a Rising Star by GLAAD, a Queero by them.us, were a Webby Honoree, and have received grants from the Made in NYC Women's Media Fund, the Awesome Project and VidCon's Emerging Creator program.
Lindsay Amer | Speaker | TED.com