TED2010
Julia Sweeney: It's time for "The Talk"
Julia Sweeney drži „Govor“
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Unatoč svojim najvećim naporima, komičarka Julia Sweeney prisiljena je reći malu nevinu laž kada njena osmogodišnja kćerka počne učiti o reprodukciji žaba – i počne pitati veoma pametna pitanja.
Julia Sweeney - Actor, comedian, playwright
Julia Sweeney creates comedic works that tackle deep issues: cancer, family, faith. Full bio
Julia Sweeney creates comedic works that tackle deep issues: cancer, family, faith. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:15
I have a daughter, Mulan.
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Imam kćer, Mulan.
00:17
And when she was eight, last year,
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I kada je imala osam godina, prošle godine,
00:20
she was doing a report for school
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radila je seminar za školu,
00:22
or she had some homework about frogs.
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ili je imala domaću zadaću o žabama.
00:24
And we were at this restaurant,
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I bili smo u jednom restoranu,
00:26
and she said, "So, basically,
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a ona je rekla, „Dakle, zapravo
00:28
frogs lay eggs
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žabe liježu jaja
00:30
and the eggs turn into tadpoles,
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i onda se jaja pretvore u punoglavce
00:32
and tadpoles turn into frogs."
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i punoglavci se pretvore u žabe.“
00:34
And I said, "Yeah. You know, I'm not really up on my frog reproduction that much.
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I ja sam rekla, "Da, znaš, zapravo ne znam baš toliko mnogo o reprodukciji žaba.
00:37
It's the females, I think, that lay the eggs,
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Mislim da ženke liježu jaja.
00:39
and then the males fertilize them.
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A mužjaci ih oplode.
00:41
And then they become tadpoles and frogs."
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I onda postanu punoglavci i žabe.“
00:43
And she says, "What? Only the females have eggs?"
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I onda je rekla, "Što? Samo ženke liježu jaja?“
00:45
And I said, "Yeah."
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Ja sam rekla, "Da.“
00:47
And she goes, "And what's this fertilizing?"
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A ona je nastavila, "A što je ta oplodnja?“
00:49
So I kind of said, "Oh, it's this extra ingredient,
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Pa sam ja nekako rekla, "Oh, to je jedan poseban sastojak,
00:51
you know, that you need
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znaš, koji je potreban
00:53
to create a new frog
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da bi mama žaba
00:55
from the mom and dad frog." (Laughter)
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i tata žaba napravili novu žabu.“
00:57
And she said, "Oh, so is that true for humans too?"
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A ona je rekla, "Oh, znači to vrijedi i za ljude?“
01:00
And I thought, "Okay, here we go."
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A ja sam pomislila, "Ok, evo ga.“
01:03
I didn't know it would happen so quick, at eight.
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Nisam znala da će se to dogoditi tako brzo, s osam godina.
01:05
I was trying to remember all the guidebooks,
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Pokušavala sam se prisjetiti svih vodiča,
01:07
and all I could remember was,
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a sve što mi je palo na pamet je bilo
01:09
"Only answer the question they're asking.
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"Samo odgovorite na pitanje koje su vam postavili.
01:11
Don't give any more information." (Laughter)
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Ne dajte im ništa više informacija.“
01:14
So I said, "Yes."
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Pa sam rekla, "Da.“
01:16
And she said, "And where do, um,
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A ona je rekla, "A gdje,
01:19
where do human women,
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gdje ljudske žene,
01:21
like, where do women lay their eggs?"
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gdje žene nose svoja jaja?“
01:23
And I said, "Well,
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A ja sam rekla, "Pa,
01:25
funny you should ask. (Laughter)
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baš smiješno što si pitala.
01:28
We have evolved to have our own pond.
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Evoluirali smo tako da imamo vlastito jezerce.
01:31
We have our very own pond inside our bodies.
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Imamo vlastito jezerce unutar našeg tijela.
01:34
And we lay our eggs there,
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I tamo polažemo jaja.
01:36
we don't have to worry about other eggs or anything like that.
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Ne moramo brinuti o ostalim jajima ili tome slično.
01:39
It's our own pond. And that's how it happens."
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To je naše jezero. I tako ti se to dogodi."
01:42
And she goes, "Then how do they get fertilized?"
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A ona upita, "A kako se onda ona oplode?“
01:44
And I said, "Well,
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A ja sam rekla, "Pa,
01:46
Men, through their penis,
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muškarac kroz svoj penis
01:49
they fertilize the eggs by the sperm coming out.
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oplodi jaja pomoću sperme koja izlazi.
01:52
And you go through the woman's vagina."
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I ti izađeš kroz ženinu vaginu.“
01:55
And so we're just eating, and her jaw just drops,
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I kako smo baš bili jeli, njena usta su se raširila
01:57
and she goes, "Mom!
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i rekla je, "Mama!
01:59
Like, where you go to the bathroom?"
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Hoćeš reći onuda kuda ideš piškiti?"
02:02
And I said, "I know.
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Rekla sam, "Znam.
02:04
I know."
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Znam.“
02:06
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
02:12
That's how we evolved. It does seem odd.
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Tako nastajemo. Malo se čini čudnim.
02:14
It is a little bit like having a waste treatment plant
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To je kao da imaš pročišćavanje otpadnih tvari
02:17
right next to an amusement park ...
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pokraj zabravnog parka.
02:20
Bad zoning, but ..." (Laughter)
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Loše zoniranje. Ali ...
02:22
She's like, "What?" And she goes, "But Mom,
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Rekla je, "Što?“ I nastavila, "Ali mama,
02:25
but men and women can't ever see each other naked, Mom.
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muškarci i žene se nikada ne smiju vidjeti dok su goli.
02:28
So how could that ever happen?"
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Pa kako bi se to onda uopće moglo dogoditi?“
02:30
And then I go, "Well," and then I put my Margaret Mead hat on.
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I onda sam na glavu stavila kapu Margaret Mead.
02:34
"Human males and females
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"Muškarci i žene
02:36
develop a special bond,
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razviju posebnu vezu
02:39
and when they're much older, much, much older than you,
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i kada su mnogo stariji, mnogo, mnogo stariji od tebe,
02:42
and they have a very special feeling,
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razviju veoma poseban osjećaj
02:44
then they can be naked together."
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i onda mogu skupa biti goli.“
02:46
And she said, "Mom,
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I ona je rekla, "Mama,
02:48
have you done this before?"
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zar si ti to već radila?“
02:50
And I said, "Yes."
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Rekla sam, "Da."
02:53
And she said, "But Mom, you can't have kids."
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A ona je rekla, "Ali mama, ti ne možeš imati djecu."
02:55
Because she knows that I adopted her and that I can't have kids.
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Zato što zna da sam ju posvojila i da ne mogu imati djece.
02:57
And I said, "Yes."
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I onda sam rekla, "Da."
02:59
And she said, "Well, you don't have to do that again."
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A ona je rekla, "Pa onda to ne moraš ponovo raditi."
03:01
And I said, "..."
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A ja sam rekla, "..."
03:04
And then she said, "But how does it happen when a man and woman are together?
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A ona je rekla, "Ali kako se to dogodi kada su muškarac i žena zajedno?
03:07
Like, how do they know that's the time?
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Mislim, kako znaju da je pravo vrijeme?
03:09
Mom, does the man just say,
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Mama, da li muškarac samo kaže,
03:11
'Is now the time to take off my pants?'"
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"Da li je sada vrijeme da skinem hlače?"
03:13
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
03:15
And I said, "Yes."
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A ja sam rekla, "Da."
03:17
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
03:19
"That is exactly right.
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"Točno tako.
03:22
That's exactly how it happens."
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Točno tako se dogodi.“
03:24
So we're driving home and she's looking out the window, and she goes,
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I tako smo se vozili kući, a ona je gledala kroz prozor i rekla,
03:27
"Mom. What if two just people saw each other on the street,
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"Mama, što kada bi se dvoje ljudi ugledalo na cesti,
03:29
like a man and a woman, they just started doing it. Would that ever happen?"
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muškarac i žena, i jednostavno to počeli raditi. Bi li se takvo što ikada dogodilo?“
03:32
And I said, "Oh, no. Humans are so private.
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Rekla sam, "O, ne. Ljudi su jako tajnoviti.
03:35
Oh ..."
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O, ne.“
03:37
And then she goes, "What if there was like a party,
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A onda je nastavila, "A što da je bio recimo nekakav party.
03:39
and there was just like a whole bunch of girls and a whole bunch of boys,
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I tamo je hrpa cura i hrpa dječaka.
03:41
and there was a bunch of men and women and they just started doing it, Mom?
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I da je tamo hrpa muškaraca i hrpa žena i da su to jednostavno počeli raditi, mama?
03:44
Would that ever happen?"
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Može li se to dogoditi?“
03:46
And I said, "Oh, no, no.
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Rekla sam, "O, ne, ne.
03:49
That's not how we do it."
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Ne radimo to tako.“
03:52
Then we got home and we see the cat. And she goes,
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Onda smo došli kući i ugledali mačku, a ona je upitala,
03:54
"Mom, how do cats do it?"
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"Mama, kako to mačke rade?“
03:56
And I go, "Oh, it's the same. It's basically the same."
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A ja sam rekla, "Pa, isto. Gotovo isto."
03:58
And then she got all caught up in the legs. "But how would the legs go, Mom?
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I onda se „uhvatila“ za noge. "Ali kako noge idu, mama.
04:00
I don't understand the legs."
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Ne razumijem noge.“
04:02
She goes, "Mom, everyone can't do the splits."
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Rekla je, "Mama, ne mogu svi napraviti špagu."
04:04
And I go, "I know, but the legs ..."
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Rekla sam, "Znam, ali noge...,"
04:06
and I'm probably like, "The legs get worked out."
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mislim si, "Noge će se već snaći."
04:08
And she goes, "But I just can't understand it."
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A ona kaže, "Ali ja to jednostavno ne mogu razumijeti."
04:09
So I go, "You know, why don't we go on the Internet,
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Pa sam rekla, "Znaš, zašto ne bismo otišli na internet
04:11
and maybe we can see ... like on Wikipedia." (Laughter)
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i recimo vidjeli ...“ na nekom mjestu poput Wikipedie.
04:15
So we go online, and we put in "cats mating."
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Pa smo otišli na internet i upisali "parenje mačaka."
04:17
And, unfortunately, on YouTube, there's many cats mating videos.
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I nažalost, na Youtube-u postoji mnogo videa s parenjem mačaka.
04:20
And we watched them and I'm so thankful,
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Pa smo ih pogledali, i tako sam zahvalna
04:22
because she's just like, "Wow! This is so amazing."
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što je govorila, "Wow, ovo je tako nevjerojatno."
04:24
She goes, "What about dogs?"
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Onda je pitala, "Što je s psima?"
04:27
So we put in dogs mating, and,
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Pa smo upisali parenje pasa,
04:29
you know, we're watching it, and she's totally absorbed.
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i znate, gledali smo, a ona je totalno upijala.
04:31
And then she goes, "Mom,
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A onda je upitala, "Mama,
04:33
do you think they would have, on the Internet,
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misliš li da na internetu
04:36
any humans mating?"
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ima i ljudskog parenja?“
04:39
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
04:41
And then I realized that
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I onda sam shvatila da
04:43
I had taken my little eight year old's hand,
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sam uzela ruku svoje kćeri
04:45
and taken her right into Internet porn. (Laughter)
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i odvela je ravno u svijet pornografije na internetu.
04:47
And I looked into this
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Pa sam pogledala u to
04:49
trusting, loving face,
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povjerljivo, dražesno lice
04:51
and I said,
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i rekla,
04:53
"Oh, no.
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"O, ne.
04:55
That would never happen."
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To se neće dogoditi.“
04:57
Thank you.
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Hvala vam.
04:59
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
05:01
Thank you.
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Hvala vam.
05:03
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
05:06
Thank you. I'm so happy to be here.
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Hvala vam. Tako sam sretna što sam ovdje.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Julia Sweeney - Actor, comedian, playwrightJulia Sweeney creates comedic works that tackle deep issues: cancer, family, faith.
Why you should listen
Julia Sweeney is a writer, director, actress, comedian and monologist. She is known for being a cast member on Saturday Night Live from 1990 to 1995, where she created and popularized the androgynous character, Pat. She is also well known for her comedic and dramatic monologues. God Said Ha! is a monologue about serious illness, her brother's lymphoma and her own cancer, and her family's crazy reactions to this crisis as they soldiered their way through struggle, confusion and death. This play was performed all over the U.S. and on Broadway at the Lyceum Theater. It was made into a film produced by Quentin Tarantino, and the comedy album from the show was nominated for a Grammy.
Sweeney's second monologue, In the Family Way, played in theatrical runs in New York and Los Angeles. It was ultimately fashioned into a book, a memoir titled If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother. Sweeney's third monologue, Letting Go of God, chronicled her journey from Catholicism to atheism. It was made into a film that played on Showtime.
Julia Sweeney | Speaker | TED.com