TED2012
Al Vernacchio: Sex needs a new metaphor. Here's one ...
Al Vernacchio: Seksit i nevojitet nje metafore e re. Ja njera…
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Për disa arsye, thotë mesuesi Al Vernacchio, metaforat e perdorura për të folur për seksin në SHBA vijnë të gjitha nga bejzbolli - rezultati, te marrësh bazën e parë, etj. Problemi është, se kjo e kornizon seksin si një konkurs, me një fitues dhe një humbës. Në vend të kësaj, ai sugjeron një metaforë të re, një që është më shumë me kenaqesite e përbashkëta, diskutimet dhe marrëveshjet, përmbushjes dhe kënaqësise. Le të flasim për ... pica.
Al Vernacchio - Sexuality educator
In his 12th-grade Sexuality and Society class, Al Vernacchio speaks honestly and positively about human sexuality. Full bio
In his 12th-grade Sexuality and Society class, Al Vernacchio speaks honestly and positively about human sexuality. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
I'd like to talk to you today
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Sot do te doja t'ju flisja
00:14
about a whole new way to think about sexual activity
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rreth nje menyre krejtesisht te re per te menduar rreth aktivitetit seksual
00:19
and sexuality education, by comparison.
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dhe edukimit seksual, per krahasim.
00:23
If you talk to someone today in America
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Nese sot i flet dikujt ne Amerike
00:25
about sexual activity,
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rreth aktivitetit seksual,
00:27
you'll find pretty soon you're not just talking
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do ta kuptosh shume shpejt qe nuk jeni thjesht duke folur
00:31
about sexual activity.
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rreth aktivitetit seksual.
00:32
You're also talking about baseball.
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Ju jeni gjithashtu duke folur rreth bejzbollit.
00:35
Because baseball is the dominant cultural metaphor
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Sepse bejzbolli eshte metafora kulturore dominante
00:40
that Americans use to think about
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qe Amerikanet e perdorin per te menduar
00:42
and talk about sexual activity,
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dhe per te folur rreth aktivitetit seksual,
00:45
and we know that because there's
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dhe ne e dime kete sepse eshte
00:47
all this language in English
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e gjitha gjuha Angleze
00:49
that seems to be talking about baseball
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qe duket sikur flet rreth bejzbollit
00:52
but that's really talking about sexual activity.
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por qe ne te vertete eshte duke folur rreth aktivitetit seksual.
00:56
So, for example, you can be a pitcher or a catcher,
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Keshtu, per shembull, ti mund te jesh "gjuajtes" ose "prites",
00:59
and that corresponds to whether you
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dhe kjo te korrespodon nese ti
01:01
perform a sexual act or receive a sexual act.
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kryen nje akt seksual ose merr nje akt seksual.
01:05
Of course, there are the bases,
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Sigurisht, jane bazat,
01:06
which refer to specific sexual activities
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qe i referohet nje aktiviteti seksual specifik
01:09
that happen in a very specific order,
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qe zhvillohet sipas nje rregulli specifik,
01:12
ultimately resulting in scoring a run
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qe perfundimisht rezulton ne shenimin e nje vrapimi (term ne bejsboll)
01:15
or hitting a home run,
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ose duke goditur ne nje vrapim ne shenje,
01:16
which is usually having vaginal intercourse
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e cila eshte zakonisht kryerja e marrdhenieve vaginale
01:18
to the point of orgasm,
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deri ne piken e orgazmes,
01:20
at least for the guy.
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te pakten per djalin.
01:23
(Laughter)
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(Te qeshura)
01:24
You can strike out, which means
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Ti mund te "godasesh jashte" e cila nenkupton
01:26
you don't get to have any sexual activity.
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qe ti nuk kryeve asnje aktivitet seksual.
01:28
And if you're a benchwarmer,
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Dhe nese ju jeni nje qendrues ne stol,
01:30
you might be a virgin or somebody who for
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mund te jeni nje i virgjer ose dikush qe per
01:32
whatever reason isn't in the game,
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cfaredo lloj arsyeje nuk eshte ne loj,
01:34
maybe because of your age or because of your ability
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ndoshta per shkak te moshes tuaj ose per shkak te aftesise
01:38
or because of your skillset.
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ose per shkak sa te shkathtesise.
01:41
A bat's a penis,
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Nje shkop (bejzbolli) eshte penisi,
01:42
and a nappy dugout is a vulva, or a vagina.
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farkorja piroge eshte vulva ose vagina.
01:46
A glove or a catcher's mitt is a condom.
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Nje doreze ose dorashka sportive e pritesit eshte nje prezervativ.
01:49
A switch-hitter is a bisexual person,
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Nje gjuajtes me te dyja duart eshte nje person bi-seksual,
01:52
and we gay and lesbian folks play for the other team.
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dhe ne homoseksualet luajme per skuadren tjeter.
01:56
And then there's this one:
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Dhe me pas kemi dhe kete:
01:59
"if there's grass on the field, play ball."
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"nese ka bar ne fushe, luaj topin."
02:03
And that usually refers to
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Dhe kjo zakonisht i referohet
02:05
if a young person, specifically often a young woman,
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nese nje person i ri, zakonisht nje grua e re,
02:08
is old enough to have pubic hair,
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eshte e madhe sa duhet per te patur qime pubike,
02:10
she's old enough to have sex with.
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atehere ajo eshte aq e madhe sa duhet per te bere seks me te.
02:13
This baseball model is incredibly problematic.
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Ky model bejzbolli eshte jashtezakonisht problematik.
02:16
It's sexist. It's heterosexist.
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Eshte seksist. Eshte heteroseksist.
02:18
It's competitive. It's goal-directed.
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Eshte konkurrues. Eshte i drejtuar nga qellimet.
02:21
And it can't result in healthy sexuality
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Dhe kjo nuk mund te sjelli seksualitet te shendoshe
02:23
developing in young people or in adults.
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te zhvilluar tek njerzit e rinj ose tek te rriturit.
02:26
So we need a new model.
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Keshtu qe ne na duhet nje model i ri.
02:28
I'm here today to offer you that new model.
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Une jam sot ketu per t'ju ofruar ate model te ri.
02:31
And it's based on
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Dhe bazohet tek
02:33
pizza.
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picat.
02:34
Now pizza is something that is universally understood
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Pica eshte dicka qe eshte e kuptueshme universalisht
02:38
and that most people associate with a positive experience.
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dhe qe shume njerez e lidhin me nje eksperience pozitive.
02:41
So let's do this.
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Keshtu qe le te bejme kete.
02:42
Let's take baseball and pizza and compare it
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Le te marrim bejzbollin dhe picat dhe ti krahasojme
02:45
when talking about three aspects of sexual activity:
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kur flasim rreth tre pikepamjeve te aktivitetit seksual:
02:48
the trigger for sexual activity,
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treguesit per aktivitet seksual,
02:50
what happens during sexual activity,
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cfare ndodh gjate aktivitetit seksual,
02:52
and the expected outcome of sexual activity.
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dhe pritshmeria qe del nga aktiviteti seksual.
02:55
So when do you play baseball?
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Pra, kur luani ju bejzboll?
02:58
You play baseball when it's baseball season
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Ju luani bejzboll kur eshte sezoni i bejzbollit
03:00
and when there's a game on the schedule.
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dhe kur eshte nje loje e programuar.
03:03
It's not exactly your choice.
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Nuk eshte pikerisht zgjedhja juaj.
03:05
So if it's prom night or a wedding night
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Keshtu qe nese eshte nata e matures ose nata e marteses
03:08
or at a party or if our parents aren't home,
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ose ne nje feste ose prinderit tuaj sjane ne shtepi,
03:11
hey, it's just batter up.
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hej, thjesht eshte e shenuar.
03:14
Can you imagine saying to your coach,
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A mund ta imagjinoni ti thoni trajnerit tuaj,
03:15
"Uh, I'm not really feeling it today,
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"hem, nuk e ndjej sot,
03:18
I think I'll sit this game out."
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keshtu qe mendoj te qendroj jashte loje sot"
03:20
That's just not the way it happens.
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Kjo nuk eshte menyra se si gjerat ndodhin.
03:22
And when you get together to play baseball,
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Dhe kur ju beheni bashke per te luajtur bejzboll,
03:24
immediately you're with two opposing teams,
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menjehere ju jeni dy skuadra kundershtare,
03:27
one playing offense, one playing defense,
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njera luan ne sulm, tjetra luan ne mbrojte,
03:29
somebody's trying to move deeper into the field.
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dikush perpiqet te futet me thelle ne fushe.
03:32
That's usually a sign to the boy.
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Kjo zakonisht eshte nje shenje per djalin.
03:34
Somebody's trying to defend people moving into the field.
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Dikush perpiqet te mbroj njerezit qe levizin ne fushe.
03:37
That's often given to the girl.
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Kjo i jepet zakonisht vajzave.
03:39
It's competitive.
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Eshte konkurrence.
03:40
We're not playing with each other.
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Ne nuk jemi duke luajtur me njeri tjetrin.
03:42
We're playing against each other.
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Ne jemi duke luajtur kunder njeri tjetrit.
03:43
And when you show up to play baseball,
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Dhe kur ju mblidheni per te luajtur bejzboll,
03:45
nobody needs to talk about what we're going to do
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askush nuk ka nevoje te flasi rreth cfare ne do te bejme
03:48
or how this baseball game might be good for us.
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ose se si kjo loje bejzbolli do te jete e mire per ne.
03:50
Everybody knows the rules.
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Gjithsecili i njeh rregullat.
03:51
You just take your position and play the game.
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Ti thjesht merr pozicionin tend dhe luan lojen.
03:56
But when do you have pizza?
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Por kur ne marrim pica?
03:58
Well, you have pizza when you're hungry for pizza.
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Mire, ti merr pica kur ti je i uritur per pica.
04:02
It starts with an internal sense, an internal desire, or a need.
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Fillon me nje ndjenje te brendeshme, si nje deshire e brendshme, ose nevoje.
04:07
"Huh. I could go for some pizza."
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"hem, une mund te shkoja per pica".
04:10
(Laughter)
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(Te qeshura)
04:12
And because it's an internal desire,
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Dhe sepse eshte nje deshire e brendshme,
04:15
we actually have some sense of control over that.
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ne te vertete ne kemi nje ndjesi kontrolli mbi te.
04:17
I could decide that I'm hungry
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Une mund te vendos nese jam i uritur
04:19
but know that it's not a great time to eat.
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por e di qe nuk eshte koha me e pershtatshme per te ngrene.
04:23
And then when we get together with someone for pizza,
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Dhe kur behemi se bashku me dike per pica,
04:26
we're not competing with them,
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ne nuk konkurrojme me te,
04:28
we're looking for an experience
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ne jemi duke kerkuar per nje eksperience
04:30
that both of us will share
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qe te dy ne do te ndajme
04:31
that's satisfying for both of us,
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qe na kenaq qe te dy,
04:33
and when you get together for pizza with somebody,
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dhe kur mblidhesh me dike per pica ,
04:36
what's the first thing you do?
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cfare eshte gjeja e pare qe beni?
04:38
You talk about it.
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Ju flisni rreth saj.
04:40
You talk about what you want.
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Ju flisni rreth asaj cfare ju doni.
04:41
You talk about what you like.
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Ju flisni rreth asaj cka ju pelqeni.
04:43
You may even negotiate it.
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Ju madje edhe mund te negocioni.
04:44
"How do you feel about pepperoni?" (Laughter)
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"Si mendon per specat djegesi"? (Te qeshura)
04:47
"Not so much, I'm kind of a mushroom guy myself."
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"Jo shume, jam pothuajse nje tip i kerpurdhave vete."
04:50
"Well, maybe we can go half and half."
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"Epo, mund ta bejme nje gjysem per gjysem."
04:52
And even if you've had pizza with somebody
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Dhe nese ke ngrene pica me dike per nje
04:54
for a very long time,
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kohe shume te gjate,
04:57
don't you still say things like,
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a nuk thoni serish,
04:59
"Should we get the usual?"
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"A do porosisim te zakonshmen?"
05:01
(Laughter)
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(Te qeshura)
05:02
"Or maybe something a little more adventurous?"
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"Apo te marrim dicka pak me te guximshme?"
05:06
Okay, so when you're playing baseball,
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Mire, pra kur jeni duke luajtur bejzboll,
05:08
so if we talk about during sexual activity,
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le te flasim per kohen gjate aktivitetit seksual,
05:10
when you're playing baseball,
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tek luan bejzboll,
05:11
you're just supposed to round the bases
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ti thjesht duhet ti cekesh bazat
05:14
in the proper order one at a time.
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njera pas tjetres me nje rregull te caktuar.
05:16
You can't hit the ball and run to right field.
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Nuk mund ta godasesh topin dhe te vraposh nga e djathta.
05:18
That doesn't work.
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Nuk funksionon keshtu.
05:19
And you also can't get to second base and say,
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Sikunder nuk mund as te shkosh ne bazen e dyte dhe te thuash,
05:22
"I like it here. I'm going to stay here."
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"Me pelqeka ketu. Do qendroj ketu."
05:26
No.
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Jo.
05:28
And also, of course, with baseball, there's, like,
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Dhe gjithashtu, natyrisht, ne bejzboll ka
05:30
the specific equipment and a specific skill set.
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paisje specifike dhe kerkon nje set te caktuar aftesish.
05:32
Not everybody can play baseball. It's pretty exclusive.
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Jo gjithkush mund te luaje bejzboll. Eshte mjaft ekskluzive.
05:36
Okay, but what about pizza?
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Mire, po me picen?
05:38
When we're trying to figure out what's good for pizza,
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Teksa perpiqemi te kuptojme se c'ka te mire pica,
05:40
isn't it all about what's our pleasure?
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A nuk i referohemi gjithnje kenaqesise sone?
05:43
There are a million different kinds of pizza.
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Ka qindra lloje te ndryshme pice.
05:45
There's a million different toppings.
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Ka qindra lloje salcash.
05:47
There's a million different ways to eat pizza.
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Dhe ka qindra menyra per te ngrene picen.
05:49
And none of them are wrong. They're different.
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Asnje prej tyre nuk eshte gabim. Ato jane thjesht ndryshe.
05:52
And in this case, difference is good,
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Ne kete rast, te qenurit ndryshe ehste mire,
05:54
because that's going to increase the chance
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sepse kjo rrit shancet
05:56
that we're having a satisfying experience.
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per te patur nje pervoje permbushese.
05:59
And lastly, what's the expected outcome of baseball?
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Dhe se fudmi, cila eshte pritshmeria e bejzbollit?
06:02
Well, in baseball, you play to win.
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Ne bejzboll, luhet per te fituar.
06:06
You score as many runs as you can.
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Shenon sa me shume pike qe te mundesh.
06:08
There's always a winner in baseball,
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Ka gjithnje nje fitimtar ne bejzboll,
06:10
and that means there's always a loser in baseball.
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cka nenkupton se ka gjithnje nje humbes ne bejzboll.
06:14
But what about pizza?
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Po ne lidhje me picen?
06:15
Well, in pizza, we're not really --
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Kur flasim per pica, ne nuk jemi--
06:17
there's no winning. How do you win pizza?
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nuk ka te fituar. Si fitohet ne pica?
06:21
You don't. But you do look for,
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Nuk fitohet. Por ama kerkojme,
06:24
"Are we satisfied?"
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"A jeni te kenaqur?"
06:26
And sometimes that can be different amounts
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Dhe ndonjehere kjo kenaqesi ndryshon
06:28
over different times or with different people
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nga koha ne kohe ose nga njeriu ne njeri
06:30
or on different days.
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ose ne dite te ndryshme.
06:32
And we get to decide when we feel satisfied.
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Eshte zgjedhja jone per tu ndjere te kenaqur.
06:35
If we're still hungry, we might have some more.
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Nese kemi ende uri, mund te hame nje tjeter cope.
06:38
If you eat too much, though,
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Ama, ne rastin kur hame me teper sec duhet,
06:40
you just feel gross.
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te perzihet.
06:42
(Laughter)
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(Te qeshura)
06:44
So what if we could take this pizza model
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Pra, po sikur ta marrim kete modelin e pices
06:47
and overlay it on top of sexuality education?
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dhe ta vendosim mbi edukimin seksual?
06:50
A lot of sexuality education that happens today
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Nje pjese e mire e edukimit seksual qe behet sot
06:53
is so influenced by the baseball model,
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eshte shume i influencuar nga modeli i bejzbollit,
06:56
and it sets up education that can't help
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dhe jep nje edukim qe nuk ndihmon
07:00
but produce unhealthy sexuality in young people.
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por prodhon seksualitet jo te shendetshem tek te rinjte.
07:04
And those young people become older people.
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Dhe keta te rinj nje dite behen te moshuar.
07:06
But if we could create sexuality education
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Por, nese mund te krijojme nje edukim seksual
07:09
that was more like pizza,
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qe eshte me i ngjashem me picen,
07:12
we could create education that invites people
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ne mund te krijojme nje edukim qe i fton njerezit
07:15
to think about their own desires,
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te mendojne per deshirat e tyre,
07:17
to make deliberate decisions about what they want,
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te marrin vendime per ato c'ka duan,
07:21
to talk about it with their partners,
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te flasin rreth tyre me partneret e tyre,
07:23
and to ultimately look for
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dhe si perfundim te kerkojne
07:25
not some external outcome
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jo ndonje perfundim te jashtem
07:28
but for what feels satisfying,
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por per ate c'ka ndjen kenaqesi,
07:31
and we get to decide that.
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dhe ne e marrim ate vendim.
07:34
You may have noticed
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Mund te keni vene re
07:35
in the baseball and pizza comparison,
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ne krahesimin e bejsbolit dhe pices,
07:37
under the baseball, it's all commands.
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ne bejsboll, e gjitha eshte komande.
07:40
They're all exclamation points.
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Jane pike pyetje.
07:42
But under the pizza model, they're questions.
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Por, nen modelin e picave, ato jane pyetje.
07:45
And who gets to answer those questions?
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Po kush i pergjigjet ketyre pyetjeve?
07:47
You do. I do.
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Ti. Une.
07:51
So remember, when we're thinking about
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Pra, mbani mend, tek mendoni per
07:53
sexuality education and sexual activity,
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edukim seksual dhe aktivitet seksual,
07:56
baseball, you're out.
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bejsboll, jeni jashte.
07:58
Pizza is the way to think about healthy,
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Pica eshte menyra e te menduarit,
08:01
satisfying sexual activity,
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per aktivitet seksual te kanaqshem dhe te shendetshem,
08:03
and good, comprehensive sexuality education.
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dhe edukimin seksual te mire dhe te kuptueshem.
08:06
Thank you very much for your time.
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Faleminderit shume per kohen tuaj.
08:09
(Applause)
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(Duartrokitje)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Al Vernacchio - Sexuality educatorIn his 12th-grade Sexuality and Society class, Al Vernacchio speaks honestly and positively about human sexuality.
Why you should listen
Al Vernacchio teaches at Friends’ Central, a private Quaker school just outside Philadelphia. His positive, enthusiastic and often humorous approach to comprehensive sexuality education (rather than abstinence-only education) has made “Mr. V.” a popular speaker -- and has recently brought him to the attention of the New York Times Magazine, which profiled his class in the November 20, 2011, cover story "Teaching Good Sex". When not talking about sexuality, Vernacchio teaches English and is the faculty moderator of the school's Gay-Straight Alliance. He's also a seasoned wedding officiant.
Al Vernacchio | Speaker | TED.com