ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Christen Reighter - Poet, essayist
Christen Reighter writes and performs as a poet and essayist, focusing primarily on social justice issues.

Why you should listen

Christen Reighter's primary advocacy platform is for the childfree-choice. She often writes and speaks out about her experience obtaining elective sterilization at age 22, including how she encountered and confronted harassing societal prejudice, condescending medical paternalism, and civil rights violations. Her other writing and advocacy work includes LGBTQIA+ rights, gender equality, sex-positivity, women's issues (including sexual assault) and mental health issues and recovery. 

Reighter is also an award-winning spoken word artist. she has competed and performed across the country and in international competitions such "Brave New Voices" on on HBO.

Originally born and raised in Texas, Reighter now lives happily in beautiful Colorado with her partner and their three rambunctious cats, and she currently is finishing her MA in clinical mental health counseling.

More profile about the speaker
Christen Reighter | Speaker | TED.com
TEDxMileHighWomen

Christen Reighter: I don't want children -- stop telling me I'll change my mind

克莉絲汀.萊德: 我不想要小孩──別再說我會改變心意

Filmed:
3,281,231 views

五名美國女性之中,就有一位不會有親生子女,而克莉絲汀.萊德是其中之一。她很年輕的時候,就知道自己不想要小孩,即使很多人(包含她的醫生)不斷告訴她,她會改變心意。在這場充滿力量的演說中,她分享了自己尋求絕育的故事,以及闡述為什麼為人母是女性的延伸,而非定義。
- Poet, essayist
Christen Reighter writes and performs as a poet and essayist, focusing primarily on social justice issues. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:12
I recognized認可 the roles角色
that were placed放置 on me very early.
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我很早就查覺到那些
放在我身上的角色。
00:17
One persistent一貫 concept概念 that I observed觀察到的 --
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我觀察到有個不斷出現的概念,
00:21
existing現有 in our language語言, in our media媒體 --
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存在我們的語言、媒體之中,
00:23
was that women婦女 are not only
supposed應該 to have children孩子,
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那就是女人不只應該要有小孩,
00:29
they are supposed應該 to want to.
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還應該想要小孩。
00:32
This existed存在 everywhere到處.
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舉世皆然。
00:34
It existed存在 in the ways方法
that adults成年人 spoke to me
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這件事存在的方式就像
有成人和我談起時,
00:38
when they posed構成 questions問題
in the context上下文 of "when."
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他們會用「到時候」提問。
00:43
"When you get married已婚 ..."
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「到時候妳結婚……」
00:45
"When you have kids孩子 ..."
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「到時候妳有小孩……」
00:48
And these future未來 musings沉思
were always presented呈現 to me
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這些對未來的期望
總是出現在我面前,
00:51
like part部分 of this American美國 dream夢想,
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就像某部分的美國夢,
00:54
but it always felt to me
like someone有人 else's別人的 dream夢想.
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但對我來說,總像是別人的夢。
00:57
You see, a value that I have
always understood了解 about myself
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我一直都很清楚自己有個觀念,
01:01
was that I never wanted children孩子.
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就是不要有小孩。
01:04
And as a kid孩子, when I would try
to explain說明 this,
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我還小的時候試圖解釋
01:08
this disconnect斷開 between之間
their roles角色 and my values,
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他們的角色和我的價值觀
之間的斷層時,
01:12
they often經常 laughed笑了
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他們常笑我,
01:14
in the way that adults成年人 do
at the absurdities謬論 of children孩子.
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用一種成人對待
小孩無稽之談的方式。
01:18
And they would tell me knowingly有意識,
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他們會一副什麼都知道的樣子說:
01:20
"You'll你會 change更改 your mind心神."
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「妳以後會改變心意。」
01:23
And people have been saying
things like that to me my whole整個 life.
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我這輩子一直聽到有人這樣跟我說。
01:27
Otherwise除此以外 polite有禮貌 conversation會話
can turn intrusive侵入 fast快速.
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不然本來很客氣的對話
就很快地變成很直接。
01:33
"Does your husband丈夫 know?"
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「妳老公知道嗎?」
01:35
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
01:37
"Do your parents父母 know?"
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「妳爸媽知道嗎?」
01:39
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
01:41
"Don't you want a family家庭?"
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「妳不想要有個家庭嗎?」
01:44
"Don't you want to leave離開 anything behind背後?"
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「妳不想要留下後代嗎?」
01:48
And the primary buzzword流行語
when discussing討論 childlessness無子女,
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討論沒小孩的時候,
最基本的臺詞就是:
01:54
"That's selfish自私."
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「真自私。」
01:59
There are countless無數 reasons原因
a woman女人 may可能 have
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女人可能有無數的理由
02:02
for choosing選擇 to abstain避免 from motherhood母親,
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選擇放棄當母親,
02:05
the majority多數 of them
not self-prioritizing自優先.
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大部分都不是以自己為優先做考量。
02:10
But it is still socially社交上 acceptable接受
to publicly公然 vilify醜化 women婦女 as such這樣,
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但社會還是接受如此公然侮辱女性,
02:14
because none沒有 of these reasons原因
have made製作 it into the social社會 narrative敘述.
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因為還沒有任何理由
能成為社會上通行的敘事。
02:18
When I was little and learning學習
about the inevitability必然性 of maternity母道,
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我還小的時候學到母愛的必然性,
02:24
it was never explained解釋 to me
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從來沒有人跟我解釋,
02:25
the commonness共性 of these factors因素
that women婦女 consider考慮,
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某些女性考量的事情的普遍性,
02:31
like the risk風險 of passing通過 on
hereditary遺傳 illness疾病,
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像是遺傳病的風險,
02:34
the danger危險 of having to stop
life-saving救生 medication藥物治療
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必須停止急救治療的危險
02:37
for the duration持續時間 of your pregnancy懷孕,
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可能出現在你懷孕期間,
02:39
concern關心 about overpopulation人口過剩,
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對人口過剩的考量,
02:41
your access訪問 to resources資源,
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取得資源的管道,
02:44
and the fact事實 that there are
415,000 children孩子
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美國一直以來都有
41 萬 5 千名小孩
02:49
in the foster-care寄養 system系統
in the United聯合的 States狀態 at any given特定 time.
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住在寄養家庭裡。
02:54
Reasons原因 like these, many許多 more,
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諸如此類的理由還有更多,
02:58
and the fact事實 that I don't like to leave離開
things of this magnitude大小 to chance機會,
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還有我不喜歡
把這麼重要的事留給運氣,
03:03
all informed通知 my decision決定
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這一切都讓我決定
03:06
to become成為 surgically手術 sterilized消毒.
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做絕育手術。
03:09
I began開始 my research研究 eagerly眼巴巴.
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我興致勃勃開始做調查。
03:12
I wanted to fully充分 understand理解
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我想要完全了解
03:14
all that was going to come
with undergoing經歷 a tubal輸卵管 ligation結紮,
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接受輸卵管結紮的一切,
03:19
which哪一個 is just another另一個 word
for getting得到 your tubes tied.
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簡單來說就是把妳的輸卵管綁起來。
03:22
I wanted to know approval贊同 to aftermath後果,
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我想知道批准、善後、
03:26
satisfaction滿意 rates利率, risks風險, statistics統計.
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滿意度、風險、一些統計資料。
03:30
And at first, I was empowered授權.
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一開始,我大受鼓舞。
03:32
You see, the way the narrative敘述
has always been taught to me,
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我過去學到的都是同一種說法,
03:36
I would have thought that women婦女
who didn't want children孩子 were so rare罕見,
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讓我以為不想要小孩的女人很少,
03:40
and then I learned學到了
one in five American美國 women婦女
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但我發現,
每五個美國婦女中就有一個
沒有親生子女,
03:44
won't慣於 be having a biological生物 child兒童 --
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03:46
some by choice選擇, some by chance機會.
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有些是自己選的,有些是因為運氣。
03:49
(Applause掌聲)
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(掌聲)
03:50
But I was not alone單獨.
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所以我不孤單。
03:55
But the more I read,
the more disheartened灰心 I became成為.
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但我讀越多,就覺得越灰心。
03:57
I read women's女士的 stories故事,
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我讀到一些女人的故事,
04:00
trying desperately拼命 to get this procedure程序.
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她們不顧一切想要做手術。
04:04
I learned學到了 how common共同 it was
for women婦女 to exhaust排氣 their finances財政
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我看到很多女人散盡家財,
04:10
appealing吸引人的 to dozens許多 of ob-gynsOB-gyns
over many許多 years年份,
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多年來哀求了好幾十間婦產科,
04:17
only to be turned轉身 down so many許多 times,
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卻被拒絕無數次,
04:19
often經常 with such這樣 blatant明顯的 disrespect
that they just gave up.
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還常受到公然不敬的對待,
最後只好放棄。
04:23
Women婦女 reported報導 that medical practitioners從業者
were often經常 condescending居高臨下
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女性提到醫生常姿態高傲
且輕視她們的決定,
04:30
and dismissive不屑一顧 of their motivations動機,
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04:34
being存在 told things like,
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常會被說:
04:36
"Come back when you're married已婚
with a child兒童."
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「等妳結婚有小孩之後再來。」
04:40
But women婦女 who did have children孩子,
who went to go get this procedure程序,
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但有小孩的婦女說要做手術,
04:44
were told they were too young年輕,
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就會被說她們太年輕,
04:47
or they didn't have enough足夠 children孩子,
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或是她們的小孩不夠多,
04:51
which哪一個 is very interesting有趣,
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這點很有意思,
04:53
because the legal法律 requirements要求 in my state
for getting得到 this kind of surgery手術 were,
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因為我的州規定這種手術
05:00
"Be at least最小 21 years年份 old,"
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「至少要 21 歲,」
05:03
"appear出現 of sound聲音 mind心神,
acting演戲 of your own擁有 accord符合,"
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「心理健全,出於自願,」
05:06
and "have a 30-day-天 waiting等候 period."
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而且「等待 30 天考慮期」。
05:10
And I was perplexed困惑 that I could meet遇到
all of these legal法律 requirements要求
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我不解為何我完全符合
這些法定要求,
05:16
and still have to face面對 a battle戰鬥
in the exam考試 room房間
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還得要在檢驗室
爭取我的身體自主權。
05:19
for my bodily身體 autonomy自治.
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05:21
And it was daunting艱鉅,
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過程讓人氣餒,
05:24
but I was determined決心.
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但我已下定決心。
05:26
I remember記得 I dressed連衣裙的 so professionally專業
to that first appointment約定.
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我記得第一次約診的時候,
我打扮得很專業。
05:31
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
05:33
I satSAT up straight直行.
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我坐得很挺。
05:34
I spoke clearly明確地.
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表達清晰。
05:37
I wanted to give that doctor醫生
every一切 piece of evidence證據
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我想讓醫生看每一項證據,
05:42
that I was not the date日期
of birth分娩 in that file文件.
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證明我不像檔案上寫的那麼年輕。
05:46
And I made製作 sure to mention提到 things like,
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我確保傳達出像是:
05:49
"I just got my bachelor's本科 degree
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「我剛拿到學士學位,
05:50
and I'm applying應用
to these doctoral博士生 programs程式,
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正在申請這些博士研究,
05:53
I'm going to study研究 these things."
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準備要攻讀這些東西。」
05:55
And "my long-term長期 partner夥伴
has this kind of business商業,"
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還有「我的長期伴侶在做這行,」
05:59
and "I've doneDONE research研究
on this for months個月.
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「我研究這個好幾個月了,
06:03
I understand理解 everything
about it, all the risks風險."
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我了解全部內容和風險。」
06:06
Because I needed需要 the doctor醫生 to know
that this was not a whim怪念頭,
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因為我要讓醫生知道
我不是心血來潮,
06:10
not reactionary反動,
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也不是要反對什麼,
06:12
not your 20-something-something
looking to go out and party派對
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不是那種二十幾歲跑趴
06:15
without fear恐懼 of getting得到 knocked被撞 up ...
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怕肚子被搞大……
06:17
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
06:19
that this supported支持的 something
integral積分 to who I was.
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而是這件事讓我可以成為我自己。
06:25
And I understand理解 informed通知 consent同意,
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我了解知情同意,
06:26
so I fully充分 expected預期 to be reeducated再教育
on how it all worked工作, but ...
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所以我完全知道會被再教育,
告知整個過程,但是……
06:34
At one point, the information信息 being存在
given特定 to me started開始 to feel agenda'dagenda'd,
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某個程度上,他們跟我說的資訊
就像事先安排好了一樣,
06:39
interlaced隔行 with bias偏壓
and inflated充氣 statistics統計.
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交雜一些偏見和誇張的數據。
06:45
The questions問題 began開始 to feel interrogative疑問.
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詢問變得像在質問。
06:49
At first they were asking me questions問題
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一開始他們問我一些事,
06:52
that seemed似乎 to understand理解
my situation情況 better,
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似乎讓他們能比較了解我的情況,
06:55
and then it seemed似乎 like they were
asking questions問題 to try to trip me up.
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然後他們問一些像是
存心要讓我答錯的問題。
06:59
I felt like I was on the witness見證 stand,
being存在 cross-examined盤問.
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我覺得自己像
站在證人席被交互詰問。
07:04
The doctor醫生 asked me about my partner夥伴.
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醫生問到我的伴侶。
07:07
"How does he or she
feel about all of this?"
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「他覺得這些事怎樣?」
07:10
"Well, I've been with
the same相同 man for five years年份,
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「嗯,我和同一個男人
在一起五年了,
07:13
and he fully充分 supports支持 any decision決定
I make for my body身體."
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他完全支持我為自己
身體做的決定。」
07:17
And he said, "Well,
what happens發生 in the future未來,
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他說:「嗯,要是以後
你換伴侶了怎麼辦呢?
07:19
if you change更改 partners夥伴?
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07:20
What happens發生 when that person
wants children孩子?"
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萬一那個人想要小孩怎麼辦?」
07:24
And I didn't quite相當 know
how to react應對 to that,
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我當下不太知道該怎麼回答,
07:28
because what I was hearing聽力
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因為我聽到的
07:30
was this doctor醫生 tell me that I'm supposed應該
to disregard漠視 everything I believe
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是這個醫生告訴我
應該要不顧我所相信的一切,
07:37
if a partner夥伴 demands需要 children孩子.
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接受伴侶想要小孩。
07:40
So I told him not to worry擔心 about that.
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我跟他說,不用擔心那個。
07:43
My stance姿態 on childbearing生育
has always been first date日期 conversation會話.
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生小孩這件事一直是我
第一次約會的話題。
07:47
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
07:53
(Cheering打氣)
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(歡呼聲)
07:54
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
07:59
He then asks me to consider考慮
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然後他要我想想
08:03
how "in 20 years年份, you could really
come to regret後悔 this" ...
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「萬一二十年後你真的
開始後悔這件事……」
08:08
as though雖然 I hadn't有沒有.
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好像只是時候未到。
08:11
I told him,
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我跟他說:
08:16
"OK, if I wake喚醒 up one day
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「如果有天我醒來,
08:20
and realize實現, you know,
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意識到
08:23
I wish希望 I'd made製作 a different不同
decision決定 back then,
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希望當時能做出不同的決定,
08:28
the truth真相 is, I'd only removed去除
a single path路徑 to parenthood父母.
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其實我只是少了一種為人母的方式。
08:32
I never needed需要 biology生物學
to form形成 family家庭 anyway無論如何."
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反正我從不需要
透過血緣關係來成家。」
08:36
(Applause掌聲)
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(掌聲)
08:44
And I would much rather
deal合同 with that any day
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而且我寧可隨時面對這件事,
08:48
than deal合同 with one day waking醒來 up,
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而不是有天醒來要面對
了解到我有小孩這件事,
08:51
realize實現 I'd had a child兒童
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08:55
that I didn't really want
or was prepared準備 to care關心 for.
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而且我沒有真的想要,
或沒有準備好要照顧他。
09:01
Because one of these affects影響 only me.
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因為其中一個選項只影響到我,
09:04
The other affects影響 a child兒童,
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另一個選項影響了一個孩子,
09:07
their development發展, their well-being福利 --
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他們的發展、幸福──
09:09
(Applause掌聲)
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(掌聲)
09:13
and human人的 beings眾生
are not to be gambled賭博 with.
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而且不能拿人命來冒險。
09:18
He then tells告訴 me why no one
was going to approve批准 this procedure程序,
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然後他跟我說為什麼
沒人會批准這件事,
09:24
certainly當然 not he,
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顯然他不會,
09:25
because of a concept概念
called medical paternalism家長作風,
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因為有個叫做醫療父權主義的概念,
09:28
which哪一個 allows允許 him,
as my well-informed靈通 provider提供商,
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讓他,這個知識充足的醫生,
09:34
to make decisions決定 for me ...
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為我做決定……
09:37
based基於 on his perception知覺
of my best最好 interest利益,
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基於他對我的最佳利益考量,
09:40
regardless而不管 of what I,
as the patient患者, want or believe.
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不管我,這個病人,
想要或相信什麼。
09:44
He takes this opportunity機會 to step out
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他藉機離開,
09:47
and discuss討論 my case案件
with my potential潛在 surgeon外科醫生,
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然後和可能幫我開刀的醫生討論,
09:51
and through通過 the door, I hear him
describe描述 me as a little girl女孩.
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我在門後聽到他形容我是個小女孩。
10:01
I was so offended生氣.
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我覺得被冒犯。
10:03
I wanted to defend保衛 myself.
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我想捍衛自己。
10:05
I wanted to explicitly明確地 explain說明
to each one of these providers供應商
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我想毫不掩飾地跟每個醫生解釋
10:09
how they were treating治療 me,
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他們是怎麼對我的,
10:11
that it was belittling輕視 and sexist性別歧視,
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眨低我,歧視我的性別,
10:13
and I didn't have to take it.
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我不必忍受這些。
10:19
But I did take it.
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但我還是接受了。
10:22
I swallowed吞食 every一切 sharp尖銳 word in my throat,
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我把每個尖銳的字眼吞進喉嚨裡,
10:26
clenched握緊 my jaw, and instead代替
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咬緊牙根,
10:29
answered回答 each one of their condescending居高臨下
questions問題 and statements聲明.
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一一回答他們每個
目中無人的問題和陳述。
10:36
I had come here looking
for objectivity客觀性 and support支持
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我來這裡尋求客觀和支持,
10:40
and instead代替 I felt dismissed駁回 and silenced沉默,
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反而覺得被迫離開和消音,
10:44
and I hated myself for it.
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我討厭自己這樣。
10:46
I hated that I was letting出租 people
disrespect me repeatedly反复.
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我討厭讓人一再不尊重我。
10:51
But this was my one shot射擊.
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但那是我唯一的機會。
10:57
That was one of multiple consultations磋商
that I had to go to.
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我得接受很多會診,
11:02
At one point, I had seen看到 five or six
medical professionals專業人士 in the same相同 hour小時.
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有一次,我在一個小時內
見了五、六個醫療專家。
11:07
The door to the exam考試 room房間
felt more like the door to a clown小丑 car汽車.
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檢驗室的那扇門更像是小丑的車門。
11:11
There's my primary,
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那是我的家庭醫生,
11:12
there's his colleague同事,
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那是他的同事,
11:14
the director導向器, OK.
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主任,好。
11:17
It felt like I was asking them
to infect感染 me with smallpox天花
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感覺像是我要他們讓我染上天花,
11:22
instead代替 of, I don't know,
obtain獲得 birth分娩 control控制.
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而不是……嗯,做節育。
11:28
But I didn't waver動搖,
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但是我不動搖,
11:33
and I was persistent一貫,
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我很堅持,
11:35
and I eventually終於 convinced相信 one of them
to allow允許 the procedure程序.
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終於說服其中一個答應我動手術。
11:42
And even as I am in the room房間,
signing簽約 the consent同意 forms形式
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我在房裡簽同意書、
11:48
and getting得到 the hormone激素 shots鏡頭
and tying搭售 up loose疏鬆 ends結束 ...
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打荷爾蒙針,搞定這些事的時候……
11:53
my doctor醫生 is shaking發抖
his head in disapproval不贊成.
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我的醫生還在搖頭表示不同意。
11:59
"You'll你會 change更改 your mind心神."
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「妳會改變心意。」
12:03
I never really understood了解
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我永遠不了解
12:06
how strongly非常 this society社會
clings攀附 to this role角色
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這個社會強加在
這個角色上的有多重,
12:11
until直到 I went through通過 this.
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直到我走這一遭。
12:13
I experienced有經驗的 firsthand第一手, repeatedly反复,
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我一再重覆、親身經歷
12:20
how people, be it medical providers供應商,
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這些醫療從業人員、
12:26
colleagues同事, strangers陌生人,
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同事、陌生人
12:30
were literally按照字面 unable無法
to separate分離 me being存在 a woman女人
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是怎麼無法把我從一個女人
12:37
from me being存在 a mother母親.
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和母親的身分區分開來。
12:40
And I've always believed相信
that having children孩子
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我總相信有小孩
12:44
was an extension延期 of womanhood女大十八變,
not the definition定義.
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是女人的延伸,而非定義。
12:48
I believe that a woman's女人的 value
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我相信女人的價值
12:51
should never be determined決心
by whether是否 or not she has a child兒童,
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永遠不該以她有沒有小孩來決定,
12:55
because that strips帶子 her
of her entire整個 identity身分
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因為那會將她從她的整個身分奪走,
13:00
as an adult成人 unto herself她自己.
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那個身為成人的自己。
13:02
Women婦女 have this amazing驚人 ability能力
to create創建 life,
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女人有這項創造生命的美好能力,
13:07
but when we say that that is her purpose目的,
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但是當我們說這是她的目的,
13:11
that says that her entire整個 existence存在
is a means手段 to an end結束.
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那就是說她整個存在
只是達到目的的手段。
13:20
It's so easy簡單 to forget忘記 the roles角色
that society社會 places地方 on us
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我們很容易忘記
社會放在我們身上的角色
13:25
are so much more than mere titles標題.
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遠比區區頭銜來得重。
13:27
What about the weight重量
that comes with them,
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那些隨著角色而來的重量、
13:30
the pressure壓力 to conform符合
to these standards標準 ...
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遵守這些規範的壓力……
13:33
the fear恐懼 associated相關 with questioning疑問 them,
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那些質問他們的恐懼,
13:36
and the desires慾望 that we
cast aside在旁邊 to accept接受 them?
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還有我們為了接受
而拋在一邊的渴望該怎麼辦?
13:40
There are many許多 paths路徑
to happiness幸福 and fulfillment履行.
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有很多條路可以通往幸福美滿。
13:44
They all look very different不同,
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每條路看起來都很不一樣,
13:46
but I believe that every一切 one
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但是我相信每個人
13:50
is paved鋪砌 with the right
to self-determination自決.
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都擁有自我決定的權力
去鋪設這條路。
13:57
I want women婦女 to know that your choice選擇
to embrace擁抱 or forego放棄 motherhood母親
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我想讓女性知道,
你決定擁抱或放棄為人母,
14:06
is not in any way tied
to your worthiness老有所為 or identity身分
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和你的價值、
14:10
as spouses配偶, as adults成年人, or as women婦女 ...
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做為配偶、成人
或女性的身分毫不相干……
14:15
and there absolutely絕對 is
a choice選擇 behind背後 maternity母道,
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而且在母職背後絕對有一個選擇
14:20
and it is yours你的
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是屬於你的,
14:22
and yours你的 alone單獨.
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僅屬於你。
14:23
Thank you.
224
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謝謝。
14:24
(Applause掌聲)
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(掌聲)
Translated by Marssi Draw
Reviewed by Regina Chu

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Christen Reighter - Poet, essayist
Christen Reighter writes and performs as a poet and essayist, focusing primarily on social justice issues.

Why you should listen

Christen Reighter's primary advocacy platform is for the childfree-choice. She often writes and speaks out about her experience obtaining elective sterilization at age 22, including how she encountered and confronted harassing societal prejudice, condescending medical paternalism, and civil rights violations. Her other writing and advocacy work includes LGBTQIA+ rights, gender equality, sex-positivity, women's issues (including sexual assault) and mental health issues and recovery. 

Reighter is also an award-winning spoken word artist. she has competed and performed across the country and in international competitions such "Brave New Voices" on on HBO.

Originally born and raised in Texas, Reighter now lives happily in beautiful Colorado with her partner and their three rambunctious cats, and she currently is finishing her MA in clinical mental health counseling.

More profile about the speaker
Christen Reighter | Speaker | TED.com