TEDWomen 2017
Anjali Kumar: My failed mission to find God -- and what I found instead
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Anjali Kumar went looking for God and ended up finding something else entirely. In an uplifting, funny talk about our shared humanity, she takes us on a spiritual pilgrimage to meet witches in New York, a shaman in Peru, an infamous "healer" in Brazil and others, sharing an important lesson: what binds us together is far stronger than what separates us, and our differences are not insurmountable.
Anjali Kumar - General counsel, author, "idea acupuncturist"
Anjali Kumar is a Brooklyn-born, first-generation Indian American author, attorney, advisor, speaker and “idea acupuncturist.” Full bio
Anjali Kumar is a Brooklyn-born, first-generation Indian American author, attorney, advisor, speaker and “idea acupuncturist.” Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:13
A few years ago,
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I set out on a mission to find God.
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Now, I'm going to tell you
right up front that I failed,
right up front that I failed,
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which, as a lawyer,
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is a really hard thing for me to admit.
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But on that failed journey,
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a lot of what I found was enlightening.
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And one thing in particular
gave me a lot of hope.
gave me a lot of hope.
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It has to do with the magnitude
and significance of our differences.
and significance of our differences.
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So, I was raised in America
by Indian parents -- culturally Hindu,
by Indian parents -- culturally Hindu,
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but practicing a strict and relatively
unknown religion outside of India
unknown religion outside of India
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called Jainism.
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To give you an idea
of just how minority that makes me:
of just how minority that makes me:
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people from India represent
roughly one percent of the US population;
roughly one percent of the US population;
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Hindus, about 0.7 percent;
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Jains, at most .00046 percent.
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To put that in context:
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more people visit the Vermont
Teddy Bear Factory each year
Teddy Bear Factory each year
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than are followers
of the Jain religion in America.
of the Jain religion in America.
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To add to my minority mix,
my parents then decided,
my parents then decided,
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"What a great idea!
Let's send her to Catholic school" --
Let's send her to Catholic school" --
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(Laughter)
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where my sister and I
were the only non-white,
were the only non-white,
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non-Catholic students
in the entire school.
in the entire school.
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At the Infant Jesus of Prague School
in Flossmoor, Illinois --
in Flossmoor, Illinois --
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yes, that's really what it was called --
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we were taught to believe
that there is a single Supreme Being
that there is a single Supreme Being
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who is responsible for everything,
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the whole shebang,
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from the creation of the Universe
to moral shepherding to eternal life.
to moral shepherding to eternal life.
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But at home,
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I was being taught something
entirely different.
entirely different.
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Followers of the Jain religion
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don't believe in a single Supreme Being
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or even a team of Supreme Beings.
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Instead, we're taught that God manifests
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as the perfection of each of us
as individuals,
as individuals,
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and that we're actually
spending our entire lives
spending our entire lives
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striving to remove the bad karmas
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that stand in the way of us
becoming our own godlike, perfect selves.
becoming our own godlike, perfect selves.
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On top of that, one of the core
principles of Jainism
principles of Jainism
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is something called "non-absolutism."
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Non-absolutists believe
that no single person
that no single person
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can hold ownership or knowledge
of absolute truth,
of absolute truth,
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even when it comes to religious beliefs.
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Good luck testing that concept out
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on the priests and nuns
in your Catholic school.
in your Catholic school.
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(Laughter)
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No wonder I was confused
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and hyperaware of how different
I was from my peers.
I was from my peers.
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Cut to 20-something years later,
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and I found myself to be
a highly spiritual person,
a highly spiritual person,
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but I was floundering.
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I was spiritually homeless.
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I came to learn that I was a "None,"
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which isn't an acronym
or a clever play on words,
or a clever play on words,
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nor is it one of these.
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It's simply the painfully uninspired name
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given to everyone
who checks off the box "none"
who checks off the box "none"
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when Pew Research asks them
about their religious affiliation.
about their religious affiliation.
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(Laughter)
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Now, a couple of interesting
things about Nones are:
things about Nones are:
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there are a lot of us,
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and we skew young.
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In 2014, there were over 56 million
religiously unaffiliated Nones
religiously unaffiliated Nones
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in the United States.
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And Nones account
for over one-third of adults
for over one-third of adults
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between the ages of 18 to 33.
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But the most interesting thing
to me about Nones
to me about Nones
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is that we're often spiritual.
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In fact, 68 percent of us believe,
with some degree of certainty,
with some degree of certainty,
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that there is a God.
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We're just not sure who it is.
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(Laughter)
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So the first takeaway for me
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when I realized I was a None
and had found that information out
and had found that information out
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was that I wasn't alone.
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I was finally part of a group in America
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that had a lot of members,
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which felt really reassuring.
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But then the second,
not-so-reassuring takeaway
not-so-reassuring takeaway
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was that, oh, man, there are a lot of us.
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That can't be good,
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because if a lot of highly spiritual
people are currently godless,
people are currently godless,
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maybe finding God is not going to be
as easy as I had originally hoped.
as easy as I had originally hoped.
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So that is when I decided
that on my spiritual journey,
that on my spiritual journey,
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I was going to avoid the obvious places
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and skip the big-box religions altogether
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and instead venture out
into the spiritual fringe
into the spiritual fringe
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of mediums
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and faith healers
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and godmen.
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But remember, I'm a non-absolutist,
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which means I was pretty inclined
to keep a fairly open mind,
to keep a fairly open mind,
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which turned out to be a good thing,
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because I went to a witch's potluck dinner
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at the LGBT Center in New York City,
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where I befriended two witches;
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drank a five-gallon jerrican
full of volcanic water
full of volcanic water
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with a shaman in Peru;
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got a hug from a saint
in the convention center --
in the convention center --
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she smelled really nice --
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(Laughter)
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chanted for hours in a smoke-filled,
heat-infused sweat lodge
heat-infused sweat lodge
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on the beaches of Mexico;
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worked with a tequila-drinking medium
to convene with the dead,
to convene with the dead,
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who oddly included both
my deceased mother-in-law
my deceased mother-in-law
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and the deceased manager
of the hip-hop group The Roots.
of the hip-hop group The Roots.
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(Laughter)
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Yeah, my mother-in-law told me
she was really happy
she was really happy
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her son had chosen me for his wife.
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Duh! But --
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(Laughter)
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Yeah.
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But the manager of The Roots
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said that maybe I should cut back
on all the pasta I was eating.
on all the pasta I was eating.
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I think we can all agree
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that it was lucky for my husband
that it wasn't his dead mother
that it wasn't his dead mother
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who suggested I lay off carbs.
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(Laughter)
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I also joined a laughing yoga group
out of South Africa;
out of South Africa;
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witnessed a woman have
a 45-minute orgasm --
a 45-minute orgasm --
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I am not making this up --
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as she tapped into
the energy of the universe --
the energy of the universe --
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I think I'm going to go back there --
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(Laughter)
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called God from a phone booth
in the Nevada desert at Burning Man,
in the Nevada desert at Burning Man,
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wearing a unitard and ski goggles;
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and I had an old Indian guy
lie on top of me,
lie on top of me,
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and no, he wasn't my husband.
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This was a perfect stranger named Paramji,
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and he was chanting into my chakras
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as he tapped into the energy forces
of the Universe to heal my "yoni,"
of the Universe to heal my "yoni,"
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which is a Sanskrit word for "vagina."
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(Laughter)
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I was going to have a slide here,
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but a few people suggested
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that a slide of my yoni
at TED -- even TEDWomen --
at TED -- even TEDWomen --
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not the best idea.
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(Laughter)
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Very early in my quest,
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I also went to see the Brazilian
faith healer John of God
faith healer John of God
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at his compound down in Brazil.
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Now, John of God is considered
a full-trance medium,
a full-trance medium,
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which basically means
he can talk to dead people.
he can talk to dead people.
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But in his case, he claims
to channel a very specific group
to channel a very specific group
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of dead saints and doctors
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in order to heal
whatever's wrong with you.
whatever's wrong with you.
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And although John of God does
not have a medical degree
not have a medical degree
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or even a high school diploma,
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he actually performs surgery --
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the real kind, with a scalpel,
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but no anesthesia.
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Yeah, I don't know.
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He also offers invisible surgery,
where there is no cutting,
where there is no cutting,
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and surrogate surgery,
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where he supposedly can treat somebody
who is thousands of miles away
who is thousands of miles away
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by performing a procedure on a loved one.
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Now, when you go to visit John of God,
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there are all kinds
of rules and regulations.
of rules and regulations.
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It's a whole complicated thing,
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but the bottom line is that
you can visit John of God
you can visit John of God
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and present him with three things
that you would like fixed,
that you would like fixed,
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and he will set the dead saints
and doctors to work on your behalf
and doctors to work on your behalf
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to get the job done.
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(Laughter)
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Now, before you snicker,
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consider
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that, at least according to his website,
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over eight million people --
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including Oprah,
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the Goddess of Daytime TV --
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have gone to see John of God,
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and I was pre-wired to keep an open mind.
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But to be honest, the whole thing for me
was kind of weird and inconclusive,
was kind of weird and inconclusive,
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and in the end, I flew home,
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even more confused
than I already started out.
than I already started out.
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But that doesn't mean
I came home empty-handed.
I came home empty-handed.
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In the weeks leading up
to my trip to Brazil,
to my trip to Brazil,
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I mentioned my upcoming plans
to some friends
to some friends
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and to a couple of colleagues at Google,
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where I was a lawyer at the time.
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And I might have mentioned it
to a couple more people
to a couple more people
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because I'm chatty,
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including my neighbor,
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the guy who works at the local
coffee shop I go to each morning,
coffee shop I go to each morning,
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the checkout lady at Whole Foods
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and a stranger who sat
next to me on the subway.
next to me on the subway.
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I told each of them where I was going
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and why,
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and I offered to carry three wishes
of theirs down to Brazil,
of theirs down to Brazil,
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explaining that anyone going
to see John of God
to see John of God
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could act as a proxy for others
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and save them the trip.
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And to my surprise, my in-box overflowed.
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Friends told friends who told friends,
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and those friends
apparently told more friends,
apparently told more friends,
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other strangers
and the guys at their coffee shops,
and the guys at their coffee shops,
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until it seemed that days
before I left for Brazil
before I left for Brazil
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that there was no one who did not
have my email address.
have my email address.
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And at the time, all I could conclude
was that I had offered too much
was that I had offered too much
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to too many.
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But when I actually reread
those messages a few years later,
those messages a few years later,
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I noticed something completely different.
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Those emails actually shared
three commonalities,
three commonalities,
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the first of which was rather curious.
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Almost everyone sent me meticulous details
about how they could be reached.
about how they could be reached.
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I had told them,
or their friends had told them,
or their friends had told them,
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that along with the list
of the three things they wanted fixed,
of the three things they wanted fixed,
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I needed their photo, their name
and their date of birth.
and their date of birth.
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But they gave me full addresses, with,
like, apartment numbers and zip codes,
like, apartment numbers and zip codes,
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as if John of God was going
to stop by their house
to stop by their house
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and see them in person
or send along a package.
or send along a package.
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It was as if, in the highly unlikely event
that their wishes were granted
that their wishes were granted
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by John of God,
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they just wanted to make sure
that they weren't delivered
that they weren't delivered
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to the wrong person or the wrong address.
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Even if they didn't believe,
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they were hedging their bets.
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The second commonality
was just as curious,
was just as curious,
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but far more humbling.
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Virtually everyone --
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the stranger on the subway,
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the guy at the coffee shop,
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the lawyer down the hall,
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the Jew, the atheist,
the Muslim, the devout Catholic --
the Muslim, the devout Catholic --
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all asked for essentially
the same three things.
the same three things.
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OK, there were a couple of outliers,
and yes, a few people asked for cash.
and yes, a few people asked for cash.
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But when I eliminated what were
ultimately a handful of anomalies,
ultimately a handful of anomalies,
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the similarities were staggering.
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Almost every single person
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first asked for good health
for themselves and their families.
for themselves and their families.
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Almost universally,
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they next asked for happiness
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and then love,
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in that order:
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health, happiness, love.
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Sometimes they asked for a specific
health issue to be fixed,
health issue to be fixed,
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but more often than not, they just
asked for good health in general.
asked for good health in general.
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When it came to happiness,
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they each phrased it slightly differently,
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but they all asked for the same
specific subtype of happiness, too --
specific subtype of happiness, too --
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the kind of happiness that sinks in
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and sets down roots in your soul;
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the kind of happiness
that could sustain us,
that could sustain us,
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even if we were to lose
absolutely everything else.
absolutely everything else.
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11:40
And for love,
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they all asked for the kind
of romantic love,
of romantic love,
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the soul mate that we read about
in epic romantic novels,
in epic romantic novels,
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the kind of love that will stay with us
till the end of our days.
till the end of our days.
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Sorry, that's my husband.
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12:00
Crap! Now I forgot my place.
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(Laughter)
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12:05
(Applause)
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So by and large,
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12:16
all of these friends and strangers,
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12:18
regardless of their background,
race or religion,
race or religion,
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12:22
all asked for the same things,
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12:24
and they were the same things
that I really wanted,
that I really wanted,
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12:27
the simplified version
of the basic human needs
of the basic human needs
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12:30
identified by social scientists
like Abraham Maslow and Manfred Max-Neef.
like Abraham Maslow and Manfred Max-Neef.
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12:35
No one asked for answers
to the big existential questions
to the big existential questions
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12:38
or for proof of God or the meaning of life
like I had set out to find.
like I had set out to find.
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12:42
They didn't even ask for an end
to war or global hunger.
to war or global hunger.
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12:46
Even when they could have asked
for absolutely anything,
for absolutely anything,
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12:50
they all asked for health,
happiness and love.
happiness and love.
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12:55
So now those emails had
a third commonality as well.
a third commonality as well.
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Each of them ended in the exact same way.
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13:03
Instead of thanking me for carting
their wishes all the way to Brazil,
their wishes all the way to Brazil,
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13:08
everyone said,
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13:11
"Please don't tell anyone."
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13:14
So I decided to tell everyone --
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13:16
(Laughter)
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13:18
right here on this stage,
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13:21
not because I'm untrustworthy,
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13:23
but because the fact
that we have so much in common
that we have so much in common
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13:27
feels especially important for us
all to hear, especially now,
all to hear, especially now,
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3486
13:30
when so many of the world's problems
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2047
13:32
seem to be because we keep focusing
on the things that make us different,
on the things that make us different,
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3987
13:36
not on what binds us together.
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13:39
And look -- I am the first to admit
that I am not a statistician,
that I am not a statistician,
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13:44
and that the data I presented to you
that I just accumulated in my in-box
that I just accumulated in my in-box
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13:48
is more anecdotal than scientific,
more qualitative than quantitative.
more qualitative than quantitative.
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5101
13:54
It is, as anyone who works
with data would tell you,
with data would tell you,
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3222
13:57
hardly a statistically significant
or demographically balanced sample.
or demographically balanced sample.
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3824
14:01
But nonetheless, I find myself
thinking about those emails
thinking about those emails
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14:05
every time I reflect back
on the bias and prejudice
on the bias and prejudice
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3552
14:09
that I've faced in my life,
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1517
14:11
or when there's another hate crime
or a senseless tragedy
or a senseless tragedy
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2894
14:14
that underscores the disheartening sense
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2612
14:16
that our differences
might be insurmountable.
might be insurmountable.
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2853
14:21
I then remind myself that I have evidence
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2310
14:23
that the humbling, unifying commonality
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14:26
of our humanity
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14:27
is that, even when presented
with the opportunity
with the opportunity
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2968
14:30
to ask for anything at all,
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2153
14:32
most of us want the same things,
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1937
14:34
and that this is true
no matter who we are,
no matter who we are,
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2705
14:38
what name we call our god,
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1917
14:40
or which religion, if any, we call home.
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3122
14:45
I then also note
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1604
14:46
that apparently some of us
want these things so badly
want these things so badly
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3367
14:50
that we would email a None,
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1777
14:53
a spiritually confused None like me --
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14:56
some might say otherwise
confused as well --
confused as well --
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2108
14:59
and that we would seek out this stranger
and email her our deepest wishes,
and email her our deepest wishes,
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4781
15:04
just in case there is
the remote possibility
the remote possibility
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3345
15:07
that they might be granted
by someone who is not a god,
by someone who is not a god,
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15:11
much less our god,
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2389
15:13
someone who is not even
a member of our chosen religion,
a member of our chosen religion,
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2973
15:17
someone who, when you
look at him on paper,
look at him on paper,
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2001
15:20
seems like an unlikely
candidate to deliver.
candidate to deliver.
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15:24
And so now,
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15:26
when I reflect back on my spiritual quest,
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15:31
even though I did not find God,
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15:35
I found a home in this:
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15:39
even today, in a world
fractured by religious,
fractured by religious,
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4121
15:44
ethnic, political, philosophical,
and racial divides,
and racial divides,
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15:49
even with all of our obvious differences,
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3034
15:52
at the end of the day,
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15:54
and the most fundamental level,
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15:56
we are all the same.
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Thank you.
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16:00
(Applause)
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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Anjali Kumar - General counsel, author, "idea acupuncturist"Anjali Kumar is a Brooklyn-born, first-generation Indian American author, attorney, advisor, speaker and “idea acupuncturist.”
Why you should listen
Anjali Kumar is the Chief People Officer and General Counsel at Cheddar, author and "idea acupuncturist." She was formerly the Head of Social Innovation and Founding General Counsel at Warby Parker, a transformative lifestyle brand offering designer eyewear at affordable prices while leading the way for socially conscious businesses. Prior to joining Warby Parker, Kumar was Senior Counsel at Google where she was a commercial and product attorney on areas ranging from Google X to YouTube. She is an Adjunct Professor at Columbia Business School and Fordham University and serves as an advisor to prominent technology companies, luxury fashion brands, consumer products and non-profit organizations including Malala Fund, IDEO.org and organize.org. She serves on the Board of Directors of Happy Money, GloScience Professional, Amplifier Foundation, Edible Schoolyard NY, and GrowNYC and the Guggenheim museum’s Global Innovation Group. Anjali’s first book, Stalking God: My Unorthodox Search for Something to Believe In, comes out January 2018 via Seal Press.
Anjali Kumar | Speaker | TED.com