TED2014
Shaka Senghor: Why your worst deeds don’t define you
Shaka Senghor: Zašto nas naši najgori postupci ne određuju
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Godine 1991. Shaka Senghor upucao je i ubio čovjeka. Bio je, kaže, "diler nagle naravi i s poluautomatskim pištoljem." Bio je poslan u zatvor zbog ubojstva drugog stupnja i to je mogao biti kraj cijele priče. No, nije bilo tako. Umjesto toga, bio je to početak dugogodišnjeg putovanja do iskupljenja, s lekcijama koje će nas sve učiniti skromnijima i treznijima.
Shaka Senghor - Author
Using literature as a lifeline, Shaka Senghor escaped a cycle of prison and desperation. Now his story kindles hope in those who have little. Full bio
Using literature as a lifeline, Shaka Senghor escaped a cycle of prison and desperation. Now his story kindles hope in those who have little. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
Twenty-three years ago,
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Prije 23 godine,
00:15
at the age of 19,
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u dobi od 19 godina,
00:18
I shot and killed a man.
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upucao sam i ubio čovjeka.
00:21
I was a young drug dealer
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Bio sam mladi diler
00:23
with a quick temper
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nagle naravi
00:25
and a semi-automatic pistol.
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i s poluautomatskim pištoljem.
00:30
But that wasn't the end of my story.
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No, to nije bio kraj moje priče.
00:32
In fact, it was beginning,
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Zapravo, bio je to tek početak.
00:36
and the 23 years since
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Naredne 23 godine
00:39
is a story of acknowledgment,
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priča su o priznanju,
00:42
apology and atonement.
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isprici i okajanju.
00:46
But it didn't happen in the way
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No to se nije dogodilo na način
00:47
that you might imagine or think.
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na koji možda zamišljate ili mislite.
00:51
These things occurred in my life
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Ove su se stvari dogodile u mom životu
00:52
in a way that was surprising,
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na način koji je iznenađujuć,
00:54
especially to me.
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posebice meni samom.
00:56
See, like many of you,
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Vidite, poput mogih od vas,
00:59
growing up, I was an honor roll student,
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tijekom odrastanja bio sam odličan učenik,
01:01
a scholarship student,
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primao sam stipendiju
01:03
with dreams of becoming a doctor.
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i sanjao o tome da postanem liječnik.
01:05
But things went dramatically wrong
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No, stvari su se dramatično zakomplicirale
01:08
when my parents separated
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kada su se moji roditelji razdvojili
01:10
and eventually divorced.
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i naposljetku razveli.
01:14
The actual events are pretty straightforward.
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Pravi događaji su vrlo izravni.
01:17
At the age of 17,
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U dobi od 17 godina
01:19
I got shot three times
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bio sam tri puta propucan
01:21
standing on the corner of my block in Detroit.
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dok sam stajao na uglu
u svom kvartu u Detroitu.
u svom kvartu u Detroitu.
01:26
My friend rushed me to the hospital.
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Prijatelj me odvezao u bolnicu.
01:28
Doctors pulled the bullets out,
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Liječnici su izvadili metke,
01:32
patched me up,
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zakrpali me,
01:33
and sent me back to the same
neighborhood where I got shot.
neighborhood where I got shot.
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i poslali me nazad u isti kvart
u kojem sam bio upucan.
u kojem sam bio upucan.
01:38
Throughout this ordeal,
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Kroz cijelu ovu muku
01:40
no one hugged me,
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nitko me nije zagrlio,
01:43
no one counseled me,
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nitko me nije savjetovao,
01:45
no one told me I would be okay.
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nitko mi nije rekao da ću biti dobro.
01:48
No one told me that I would live in fear,
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Nitko mi nije rekao
da ću živjeti u strahu,
da ću živjeti u strahu,
01:51
that I would become paranoid,
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da ću postati paranoičan,
01:53
or that I would react hyper-violently
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niti da ću reagirati pretjerano nasilno
01:56
to being shot.
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na to što sam bio upucan.
01:59
No one told me that one day,
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Nitko mi nije rekao da ću jednoga dana,
02:02
I would become the person behind the trigger.
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ja postati osoba iza okidača.
02:06
Fourteen months later,
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Poslije 14 mjeseci,
02:08
at 2 a.m.,
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u 2 sata ujutro,
02:11
I fired the shots
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zapucao sam nekoliko puta
02:13
that caused a man's death.
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zbog čega je jedan čovjek umro.
02:16
When I entered prison,
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Kada sam došao u zatvor,
02:18
I was bitter, I was angry, I was hurt.
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bio sam ogorčen, ljut, povrijeđen.
02:24
I didn't want to take responsibility.
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Nisam htio prihvatiti odgovornost.
02:27
I blamed everybody from my parents
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Krivio sam sve, od svojih roditelja
02:29
to the system.
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do sustava.
02:32
I rationalized my decision to shoot
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Racionalizirao sam svoju odluku da pucam
02:34
because in the hood where I come from,
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jer je u mom kvartu
02:36
it's better to be the shooter
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bilo bolje biti onaj koji puca
02:38
than the person getting shot.
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nego onaj koji je upucan.
02:41
As I sat in my cold cell,
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Dok sam sjedio u svojoj hladnoj ćeliji,
02:45
I felt helpless,
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osjećao sam se bespomoćno,
02:46
unloved and abandoned.
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nevoljeno i napušteno.
02:50
I felt like nobody cared,
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Osjećao sam se kao da nikome nije stalo,
02:54
and I reacted
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i reagirao sam
02:56
with hostility to my confinement.
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nasilno na činjenicu da sam u zatvoru.
02:59
And I found myself getting
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I sve sam
03:00
deeper and deeper into trouble.
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dublje i dublje tonuo u probleme.
03:02
I ran black market stores,
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Vodio sam crno tržište,
03:05
I loan sharked,
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kamatario,
03:08
and I sold drugs that were illegally smuggled
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i prodavao drogu ilegalno prokrijumčarenu
03:10
into the prison.
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u zatvor.
03:12
I had in fact become
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Postao sam zapravo
03:13
what the warden of the Michigan Reformatory called
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ono što je nadstojnik
Popravnog doma Michigan zvao
Popravnog doma Michigan zvao
03:16
"the worst of the worst."
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"najgori od najgorih."
03:19
And because of my activity,
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I zbog svojih djela
03:21
I landed in solitary confinement
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dospio sam u samicu
03:24
for seven and a half years
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na sedam i pol godina
03:26
out of my incarceration.
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svoje robije.
03:29
Now as I see it, solitary confinement
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Smatram da je samica
03:31
is one of the most inhumane and barbaric places
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jedno od najnehumanijih
i barbarskih mjesta
i barbarskih mjesta
03:33
you can find yourself,
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na kojim se možete naći,
03:36
but find myself I did.
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a ja sam se tamo doista našao.
03:39
One day, I was pacing my cell,
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Jednoga dana dok sam hodao po ćeliji,
03:42
when an officer came and delivered mail.
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došao je čuvar i donio poštu.
03:47
I looked at a couple of letters
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Pogledao sam par pisama,
03:48
before I looked at the letter
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prije nego li sam pogledao pismo
03:50
that had my son's squiggly handwriting on it.
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na kojemu je bio načrčkan rukopis mog sina.
03:53
And anytime I would get a letter from my son,
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Svaki puta kada bi dobio pismo svog sina,
03:55
it was like a ray of light
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bilo je poput zrake svjetla
03:57
in the darkest place you can imagine.
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na najtamnijem mjestu
koje možete zamisliti.
koje možete zamisliti.
04:00
And on this particular day, I opened this letter,
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Taj konkretan dan
otvorio sam to pismo,
otvorio sam to pismo,
04:03
and in capital letters, he wrote,
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i velikim tiskanim slovima je pisalo,
04:06
"My mama told me why you was in prison:
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"Mama mi je rekla zašto si u zatvoru:
04:10
murder."
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zbog ubojstva."
04:12
He said, "Dad, don't kill.
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Rekao je, "Tata, nemoj ubijati."
04:14
Jesus watches what you do. Pray to Him."
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"Isus gleda što radiš. Moli Mu se."
04:20
Now, I wasn't religious at that time,
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U to vrijeme nisam bio religiozan,
04:22
nor am I religious now,
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niti sam to sada,
04:23
but it was something so profound
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ali bilo je nešto jako duboko
04:26
about my son's words.
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u riječima mog sina.
04:29
They made me examine things about my life
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Natjerale su me da razmotrim
stvari u svom životu
stvari u svom životu
04:30
that I hadn't considered.
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o kojima nisam bio razmišljao.
04:32
It was the first time in my life
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Bio je to prvi put u mom životu
04:34
that I had actually thought about the fact
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da sam zapravo promislio o činjenici
04:36
that my son would see me as a murderer.
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da me moj sin gleda kao ubojicu.
04:40
I sat back on my bunk
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Sjeo sam nazad na svoj ležaj,
04:42
and I reflected on something I had read
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i prisjetio se nečega što sam bio pročitao
04:44
in [Plato],
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u Platonu,
04:46
where Socrates stated in "Apology"
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kada je Sokrat u "Isprici" izjavio
04:48
that the unexamined life isn't worth living.
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da neistraženi život nije vrijedan življenja.
04:53
At that point is when the transformation began.
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U tom trenutku je počela preobrazba.
04:58
But it didn't come easy.
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No, nije došla tako jednostavno.
05:03
One of the things I realized,
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Jedna od stvari koje sam shvatio,
05:05
which was part of the transformation,
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koja je bila dio preobrazbe,
05:07
was that there were four key things.
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bila je ta da postoje četiri ključne stvari.
05:11
The first thing was,
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Prva je stvar bila
05:13
I had great mentors.
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da imam odlične mentore.
05:16
Now, I know some of you all are probably thinking,
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Znam da se neki od vas pitaju
05:18
how did you find a great mentor in prison?
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kako sam našao odličnog mentora u zatvoru.
05:21
But in my case,
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Ali u mom slučaju,
05:24
some of my mentors
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neki od mojih mentora
05:25
who are serving life sentences
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koji su služili doživotnu kaznu
05:27
were some of the best people
to ever come into my life,
to ever come into my life,
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bili su jedni od najboljih ljudi
koji su ikada ušli u moj život,
koji su ikada ušli u moj život,
05:30
because they forced me to look at my life honestly,
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jer su me natjerali da svoj život
sagledam iskreno,
sagledam iskreno,
05:33
and they forced me to challenge myself
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i da si postavim izazove
05:35
about my decision making.
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u donošenju svojih odluka.
05:37
The second thing was literature.
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Druga je stvar bila književnost.
05:41
Prior to going to prison,
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Prije odlaska u zatvor,
05:43
I didn't know that there were so many brilliant
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nisam znao da postoje toliki sjajni
05:45
black poets, authors and philosophers,
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pjesnici, autori i filozofi koji su crnci,
05:48
and then I had the great fortune
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a onda sam imao veliku sreću
05:51
of encountering Malcolm X's autobiography,
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da naiđem na autobiografiju Malcolma X-a,
05:56
and it shattered every
stereotype I had about myself.
stereotype I had about myself.
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koja je razbila svaki stereotip
koji sam imao o sebi.
koji sam imao o sebi.
06:00
The third thing was family.
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Treće je bila moja obitelj.
06:03
For 19 years, my father stood by my side
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Moj otac je 19 godina bio uz mene
06:07
with an unshakable faith,
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s nepokolebljivom vjerom,
06:10
because he believed that I had what it took
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jer je vjerovao da posjedujem
ono što mi je bilo potrebno
ono što mi je bilo potrebno
06:11
to turn my life around.
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da si preokrenem život.
06:14
I also met an amazing woman
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Također sam upoznao nevjerojatnu ženu
06:17
who is now the mother of
my two-year-old son Sekou,
my two-year-old son Sekou,
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koja je sada majka mog
dvogodišnjeg sina Sekoua,
dvogodišnjeg sina Sekoua,
06:20
and she taught me how to love myself
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i koja me naučila kako samog sebe voljeti
06:22
in a healthy way.
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na zdrav način.
06:26
The final thing was writing.
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Posljednje je bilo pisanje.
06:29
When I got that letter from my son,
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Kada sam dobio ono pismo od sina,
06:31
I began to write a journal
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počeo sam pisati dnevnik
06:33
about things I had experienced in my childhood
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o stvarima koje sam proživio u djetinjstvu
06:36
and in prison,
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i u zatvoru,
06:38
and what it did is it opened up my mind to the idea
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a to mi je otvorilo um ideji
06:42
of atonement.
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o okajanju.
06:45
Earlier in my incarceration, I had received
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U ranijem periodu mog robijanja, dobio samo
06:47
a letter from one of the relatives of my victim,
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pismo jedne rođakinje moje žrtve,
06:50
and in that letter,
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i u tom pismu
06:53
she told me she forgave me,
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rekla mi je da mi oprašta
06:55
because she realized I was a young child
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jer je shvatila da sam bio malo dijete
06:57
who had been abused
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koje je bilo zlostavljano
06:58
and had been through some hardships
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i koje je prolazilo kroz nevolje
07:00
and just made a series of poor decisions.
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i samo donijelo niz loših odluka.
07:03
It was the first time in my life
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To je bio prvi put u mom životu
07:05
that I ever felt open to forgiving myself.
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da sam se osjećao otvoren
opraštanju samome sebi.
opraštanju samome sebi.
07:13
One of the things that happened
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Jedna od stvari koje su se dogodile
07:14
after that experience is that
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nakon što sam to doživio bila je
07:17
I thought about the other men who were incarcerated
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da sam razmišljao o drugim
zatvorenicima koji su robijali
zatvorenicima koji su robijali
07:19
alongside of me,
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zajedno sa mnom,
07:20
and how much I wanted to share this with them.
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i o tome koliko sam to htio
s njima podijeliti.
s njima podijeliti.
07:23
And so I started talking to them about
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Tako sam počeo razgovarati s njima o
07:25
some of their experiences,
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nekim njihovim iskustvima,
07:27
and I was devastated to realize
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i bio sam strašno pogođen shvativši
07:29
that most of them came from
the same abusive environments,
the same abusive environments,
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da je većina njih došla iz
istih nasilnih okolina.
istih nasilnih okolina.
07:32
And most of them wanted help
and they wanted to turn it around,
and they wanted to turn it around,
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I većina njih željela je pomoć i
preokret u svom životu,
preokret u svom životu,
07:35
but unfortunately the system
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no, nažalost sustav
07:37
that currently holds 2.5 million people in prison
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koji trenutno drži 2,5 milijuna
ljudi u zatvoru
ljudi u zatvoru
07:40
is designed to warehouse
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simšljen je tako da skladišti
07:43
as opposed to rehabilitate or transform.
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umjesto da rehabilitira ili preobražava.
07:47
So I made it up in my mind
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Tako sam odlučio
07:49
that if I was ever released from prison
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da ako ikada budem pušten iz zatvora
07:51
that I would do everything in my power
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da ću napraviti sve u svojoj moći
07:53
to help change that.
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da pomognem to promijeniti.
07:57
In 2010, I walked out of prison
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Godine 2010. izišao sam iz zatvora
07:59
for the first time after two decades.
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po prvi put nakon dva desetljeća.
08:03
Now imagine, if you will,
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Zamislite, ako možete,
08:04
Fred Flintstone walking into an episode
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Freda Kremenka kak ulazi u epizodu
08:07
of "The Jetsons."
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"Jetsonsovih."
08:09
That was pretty much what my life was like.
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Tako je otprilike izgledao moj život.
08:12
For the first time, I was exposed to the Internet,
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Po prvi put bio sam izložen internetu,
08:15
social media,
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društvenim mrežama,
08:17
cars that talk like KITT from "Knight Rider."
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autima koji govore poput
KITT-a iz serije "Knight Rider."
KITT-a iz serije "Knight Rider."
08:21
But the thing that fascinated me the most
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No najviše me fascinirala
08:23
was phone technology.
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telefonska tehnologija.
08:25
See, when I went to prison,
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U vrijeme kada sam otišao u zatvor,
08:26
our car phones were this big
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naši telefoni u autima bili su ovako veliki
08:28
and required two people to carry them.
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i trebalo je dvoje ljudi da ih nose.
08:30
So imagine what it was like when I first grabbed
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Zamislite onda kako je to bilo
kada sam po prvi puta primio
kada sam po prvi puta primio
08:33
my little Blackberry
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svoj maleni Blackberry
08:35
and I started learning how to text.
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i počeo učiti kako slati poruke.
08:37
But the thing is, the people around me,
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Radi se o tome da, ljudi oko mene
08:38
they didn't realize that I had no idea
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nisu shvaćali da nisam imao pojma
08:40
what all these abbreviated texts meant,
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što znače sve te skraćenice,
08:43
like LOL, OMG, LMAO,
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poput LOL, OMG, LMAO,
08:48
until one day I was having a conversation
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sve dok jednog dana nisam vodio razgovor
08:49
with one of my friends via text,
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s prijateljem preko poruka,
08:52
and I asked him to do something,
and he responded back, "K."
and he responded back, "K."
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i zamolio ga da nešto napravi,
a on je odgovorio sa "K."
a on je odgovorio sa "K."
08:56
And I was like, "What is K?"
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Pitao sam ga, "Što je K?"
08:59
And he was like, "K is okay."
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A on je odgovorio "K je okej."
09:01
So in my head, I was like,
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Pomislio sam,
09:02
"Well what the hell is wrong with K?"
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"Koji vrag ne valja s K?"
09:05
And so I text him a question mark.
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Poslao sam mu upitnik.
09:07
And he said, "K = okay."
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Odgovorio je, "K = okej."
09:11
And so I tap back, "FU." (Laughter)
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A ja mu odgovorim, "FU." (j*i se) (Smijeh)
09:16
And then he texts back, and he asks me
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On me na to upita
09:17
why was I cussing him out.
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zašto sam ga opsovao.
09:19
And I said, "LOL FU,"
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Ja mu odgovorim, "LOL FU,"
09:22
as in, I finally understand.
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u smislu, napokon
razumijem (finally understand).
razumijem (finally understand).
09:23
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
09:25
And so fast forward three years,
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Sada, tri godine poslije,
09:29
I'm doing relatively good.
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ide mi relativno dobro.
09:31
I have a fellowship at MIT Media Lab,
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Imam stipendiju za Media Lab
na Tehnološkom institutu Massachusetts,
na Tehnološkom institutu Massachusetts,
09:33
I work for an amazing company called BMe,
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radim za fenomenalnu tvrtku
koja se zove BMe,
koja se zove BMe,
09:37
I teach at the University of Michigan,
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podučavam na Sveučilištu Michigan.
09:39
but it's been a struggle
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No, bilo je teško
09:41
because I realize that there are more
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jer shvaćam da ima više
09:42
men and women coming home
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ljudi koji se vraćaju kući
09:44
who are not going to be
afforded those opportunities.
afforded those opportunities.
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kojima neće biti omogućene takve prilike.
09:47
I've been blessed to work with some amazing
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Blagoslovljen sam što radim s nevjerojatnim
09:49
men and women,
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ljudima,
09:52
helping others reenter society,
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pomažući drugima u resocijalizaciji,
09:53
and one of them is my friend named Calvin Evans.
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a jedan od njih je
moj prijatelj Calvin Evans.
moj prijatelj Calvin Evans.
09:58
He served 24 years for a crime he didn't commit.
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Bio je u zatvoru 24 godine
radi zločina koji nije počinio.
radi zločina koji nije počinio.
10:01
He's 45 years old. He's currently enrolled in college.
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Ima 45 godina. Trenutno ide na fakultet.
10:04
And one of the things that we talked about
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Jedna od stvari o kojima smo pričali
10:06
is the three things that I found important
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su tri stvari koje smatram bitnima
10:08
in my personal transformation,
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u svojoj osobnoj preobrazbi.
10:09
the first being acknowledgment.
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Prva je priznanje.
10:11
I had to acknowledge that I had hurt others.
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Morao sam priznati
da sam povrijedio druge.
da sam povrijedio druge.
10:14
I also had to acknowledge that I had been hurt.
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Trebao sam priznati i
da sam ja bio povrijeđen.
da sam ja bio povrijeđen.
10:17
The second thing was apologizing.
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Druga je isprika.
10:19
I had to apologize to the people I had hurt.
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Morao sam se ispričati
ljudima koje sam povrijedio.
ljudima koje sam povrijedio.
10:21
Even though I had no expectations
of them accepting it,
of them accepting it,
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Iako nisam očekivao da će je prihvatiti,
10:23
it was important to do because it was the right thing.
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bilo je bitno da to napravim
jer je to bilo ispravno.
jer je to bilo ispravno.
10:26
But I also had to apologize to myself.
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No, trebao sam se i sam sebi ispričati.
10:29
The third thing was atoning.
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Treća je okajanje.
10:32
For me, atoning meant
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Za mene je kajanje značilo
10:33
going back into my community
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povratak u svoju zajednicu
10:35
and working with at-risk youth
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i rad s ugroženom mladeži
10:36
who were on the same path,
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koja je bila na istom putu kao i ja,
10:38
but also becoming at one with myself.
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ali i to da budem jedno sam sa sobom.
10:42
Through my experience of being locked up,
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Kroz svoje iskustvo zatvora,
10:44
one of the things I discovered is this:
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jedna od stvari koje sam otkrio je ovo:
10:46
the majority of men and women
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većina ljudi
10:47
who are incarcerated are redeemable,
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koja su zatvorena mogu biti iskupljena,
10:51
and the fact is,
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i činjenica je da će se
10:52
90 percent of the men and
women who are incarcerated
women who are incarcerated
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90 posto ljudi koji služe kaznu u zatvoru
10:54
will at some point return to the community,
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jednog dana vratiti u zajednicu,
10:57
and we have a role in determining what kind
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a mi imamo udjela u odluci kakvi će se
10:59
of men and women return to our community.
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ljudi vratiti u našu zajednicu.
11:02
My wish today
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Moja je želja danas
11:05
is that we will embrace
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da prihvatimo
11:09
a more empathetic approach
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suosjećajniji pristup
11:11
toward how we deal with mass incarceration,
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tome kako se nosimo s masama
koje služe zatvorsku kaznu,
koje služe zatvorsku kaznu,
11:14
that we will do away with
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da se riješimo
11:15
the lock-them-up-and-throw-away-the-key mentality,
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"treba ih zatvoriti za
vijeke vjekova" mentaliteta,
vijeke vjekova" mentaliteta,
11:18
because it's proven it doesn't work.
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jer je dokazano da ne funkcionira.
11:21
My journey is a unique journey,
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Moje putovanje je jedinstveno,
11:24
but it doesn't have to be that way.
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no ne mora biti tako.
11:27
Anybody can have a transformation
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Bilo tko može doživjeti preobrazbu
11:29
if we create the space for that to happen.
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ako za takvo što stvorimo mogućnost.
11:32
So what I'm asking today
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Zato vas danas tražim
11:34
is that you envision
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da zamislite
11:35
a world where men and women
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svijet gdje ljudi
11:38
aren't held hostage to their pasts,
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nisu taoci svoje prošlosti,
11:41
where misdeeds and mistakes
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gdje prestupi i pogreške
11:43
don't define you for the rest of your life.
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ne određuju osobu za cijeli život.
11:46
I think collectively, we can create that reality,
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Mislim da kolektivno možemo
stvoriti takvu stvarnost,
stvoriti takvu stvarnost,
11:49
and I hope you do too.
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i nadam se da ćete to i napraviti.
11:50
Thank you.
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Hvala.
11:52
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Shaka Senghor - AuthorUsing literature as a lifeline, Shaka Senghor escaped a cycle of prison and desperation. Now his story kindles hope in those who have little.
Why you should listen
At the age of 19, Shaka Senghor went to prison fuming with anger and despair. Senghor was a drug dealer in Detroit, and one night, he shot and killed a man who showed up on his doorstep. While serving his sentence for second-degree murder, Senghor discovered redemption and responsibility through literature -- starting with The Autobiography of Malcolm X -- and through his own writing.
Upon his release at the age of 38, Senghor reached out to young men following his same troubled path, and published Live in Peace as part of an outreach program bringing hope to kids in Detroit and across the Midwest. His activism attracted the attention of the MIT Media Lab, and as a Director’s Fellow, Senghor has collaborated on imagining creative solutions for the problems plaguing distressed communities. His memoir, Writing My Wrongs, was published in 2013.
Shaka Senghor | Speaker | TED.com