TEDMED 2018
Kate Bowler: "Everything happens for a reason" -- and other lies I've loved
凯特·鲍勒: “一切都事出有因”——以及我喜爱的其它谎言
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在生活最困难的时刻，你是如何坚持下去的？自从在35岁时被诊断出罹患四期癌症，凯特·鲍勒就一直在探寻这个问题的答案。在一场深远、令人心碎而又意外有趣的演讲中，她提供了一些答案——怀疑“一切都事出有因”的说法，并分享她来之不易的生命智慧：当你的生活发生了翻天覆地的变化时，要如何去适应。“我相信即使是在最黑暗的时刻，美好与爱依旧存在。“她如是说。
Kate Bowler - Divinity professor, author
Kate Bowler is reexamining her perspective on the "prosperity gospel": the belief that good things happen to good people. Full bio
Kate Bowler is reexamining her perspective on the "prosperity gospel": the belief that good things happen to good people. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
There is some medical news
that nobody, absolutely nobody,
that nobody, absolutely nobody,
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有一些医疗消息，
绝对没人希望听到。
00:16
is prepared to hear.
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00:18
I certainly wasn't.
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我当然也没有。
00:20
It was three years ago
that I got a call in my office
that I got a call in my office
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三年前，我在办公室接到一通电话，
是我最近一次医疗扫描的结果。
00:24
with the test results of a recent scan.
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00:27
I was 35 and finally living
the life I wanted.
the life I wanted.
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我当时35岁，终于过上了
梦寐以求的生活。
梦寐以求的生活。
00:31
I married my high school sweetheart
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我嫁给了高中的恋人，
在数年的努力之后终于成功怀孕。
00:33
and had finally gotten pregnant
after years of infertility.
after years of infertility.
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00:38
And then suddenly we had a Zach,
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没过多久扎克就降临人世，
00:41
a perfect one-year-old boy/dinosaur,
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完美的一岁小男孩，有时却像个恐龙，
这要看他的心情。
00:44
depending on his mood.
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00:46
And having a Zach suited me perfectly.
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拥有扎克的生活非常适合我。
00:51
I had gotten the first job
I applied for in academia,
I applied for in academia,
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我从千人中脱颖而出，
第一次成功应聘了学校的岗位。
00:55
land of a thousand crushed dreams.
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00:58
And there I was,
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当时，
00:59
working at my dream job
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我做着梦想中的工作，
身边陪伴的是我的小孩，
01:01
with my little baby
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01:03
and the man I had imported from Canada.
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和我从加拿大“进口”的丈夫。
01:06
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
但数月前，我开始感觉胃疼，
01:07
But a few months before,
I'd started feeling pain in my stomach
I'd started feeling pain in my stomach
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01:10
and had gone to every expert
to find out why.
to find out why.
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我拜访了很多专家，想查清原因。
01:13
No one could tell me.
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没人能解释清楚。
01:15
And then, out of the blue,
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之后毫无预兆的，
01:17
some physician's assistant
called me at work
called me at work
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某医生的助手在我
工作时打电话给我，
工作时打电话给我，
告知我患上了四期癌症，
01:21
to tell me that I had stage IV cancer,
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01:24
and that I was going to need
to come to the hospital right away.
to come to the hospital right away.
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并且我需要立刻前往医院。
01:28
And all I could think of to say was,
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当时我大脑里唯一能想到的话是：
“但我还有个儿子，
01:31
"But I have a son.
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01:33
I can't end.
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我不能死。
这个世界不能结束，
01:35
This world can't end.
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01:38
It has just begun."
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这才刚刚开始。”
01:41
And then I called my husband,
and he rushed to find me
and he rushed to find me
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之后我打电话给我丈夫，
他飞奔过来，
他飞奔过来，
我对他说了我所有的真心话。
01:44
and I said all the true things
that I have known.
that I have known.
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01:46
I said, "I have loved you forever,
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我说：“我一直爱着你，
我一直爱着你。
01:50
I have loved you forever.
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01:51
I am so sorry.
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非常对不起。
01:53
Please take care of our son."
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请照顾好我们的儿子。”
01:56
And then as I began
the walk to the hospital,
the walk to the hospital,
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然后我前往医院，
01:59
it crossed my mind for the first time,
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途中我第一次想到，
“天呐，太讽刺了。”
02:02
"Oh. How ironic."
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02:05
I had just written
a book called "Blessed."
a book called "Blessed."
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我才刚写了一本叫“祝福”的书。
02:09
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
02:12
I am a historian
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我是一名历史学家，
02:13
and an expert in the idea
that good things happen to good people.
that good things happen to good people.
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笃信“好人有好报”的说法。
02:17
I research a form of Christianity
nicknamed "the prosperity gospel,"
nicknamed "the prosperity gospel,"
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我研究了基督教的一支，
别称“成功神学”，
别称“成功神学”，
它的名字很直白地告诉你
上帝希望你成功。
上帝希望你成功。
02:21
for its very bold promise
that God wants you to prosper.
that God wants you to prosper.
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02:25
I never considered myself
a follower of the prosperity gospel.
a follower of the prosperity gospel.
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我从不认为自己是成功神学的信徒，
我仅仅是个观察者。
02:29
I was simply an observer.
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02:32
The prosperity gospel believes
that God wants to reward you
that God wants to reward you
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成功神学认为，若你有正确的信仰，
上帝就会奖励你。
02:35
if you have the right kind of faith.
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02:37
If you're good and faithful,
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如果你是个好人，又很虔诚，
上帝就会赐给你健康、财富，
02:40
God will give you health and wealth
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以及无穷的快乐。
02:42
and boundless happiness.
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02:44
Life is like a boomerang:
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生命就像个回旋镖：
02:46
if you're good,
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如果你是个好人，
02:47
good things will always come back to you.
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那么你就会得到好报。
想积极的事，说积极的话。
02:50
Think positively. Speak positively.
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02:53
Nothing is impossible if you believe.
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世上无难事，只怕有心人。
02:58
I got interested in this
very American theology
very American theology
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当我18岁左右的时候，
对这类美国特色的神学感兴趣，
03:01
when I was 18 or so,
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25岁时，我周游国家、
采访名人信徒。
采访名人信徒。
03:03
and by 25 I was traveling the country
interviewing its celebrities.
interviewing its celebrities.
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03:08
I spent a decade talking to televangelists
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我在十年间与电视布道者交谈，
03:11
with spiritual guarantees
for divine money.
for divine money.
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他们深信上帝会给让你富有。
03:15
I interviewed countless megachurch pastors
with spectacular hair
with spectacular hair
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我采访过无数留着惊人
发型的大教堂主教，
发型的大教堂主教，
关于现在他们是如何活出精彩的。
03:19
about how they live their best lives now.
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03:23
I visited with people
in hospital waiting rooms
in hospital waiting rooms
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我探望过在医院等候室
03:26
and plush offices.
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和豪华办公室中的人，
03:28
I held hands with people in wheelchairs,
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我也与坐在轮椅上的人握手交谈，
他们祈祷自己能好起来。
03:30
praying to be cured.
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03:33
I earned my reputation
as destroyer of family vacations
as destroyer of family vacations
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我被叫作“家庭度假的破坏者”，
03:37
for always insisting on being dropped off
at the fanciest megachurch in town.
at the fanciest megachurch in town.
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因为我总是要求
在镇上靓丽的大教堂处下车。
在镇上靓丽的大教堂处下车。
03:42
If there was a river
running through the sanctuary,
running through the sanctuary,
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如果一处圣殿所有河流经过、
礼堂上盘旋着老鹰，
03:45
an eagle flying freely in the auditorium,
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03:48
or an enormous spinning golden globe,
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或是上面有巨大的旋转金球，
我一定会出现在那个地方。
03:51
I was there.
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03:54
When I first started studying this,
the whole idea of being "blessed"
the whole idea of being "blessed"
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当我开始研究这些时，
“祝福”这个概念不是现在的意思，
03:57
wasn't what it is today.
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04:00
It was not, like it is now,
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这个概念并不像现在这样，
有一整条完整的“#祝福”
家居产品产业线。
家居产品产业线。
04:02
an entire line of "#blessed" home goods.
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04:05
It was not yet a flood of "#blessed"
vanity license plates and T-shirts
vanity license plates and T-shirts
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那时没有大量个性化“#祝福”牌照，
或是T恤和霓虹灯艺术墙。
04:10
and neon wall art.
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04:13
I had no idea that "blessed" would become
one of the most common cultural cliches,
one of the most common cultural cliches,
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我没想到“祝福”会发展成
一个常见的文化俗套，
一个常见的文化俗套，
变成instagram上最常用的标签之一，
04:18
one of the most used
hashtags on Instagram,
hashtags on Instagram,
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04:21
to celebrate barely there bikini shots,
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仅仅是用于庆祝比基尼短裤，
就好像在说：“我被祝福着，
04:24
as if to say, "I am so blessed.
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谢谢你，耶稣，给了我这副身体。”
04:26
Thank you, Jesus, for this body."
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04:28
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
04:32
I had not yet fully grasped
the way that the prosperity gospel
the way that the prosperity gospel
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我还没完全理解成功神学
是如何成为了主要的国民宗教，
04:36
had become the great civil religion,
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04:39
offering another transcendent account
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为美国梦的核心
做出另一个超常的解释。
04:41
of the core of the American Dream.
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04:44
Rather than worshipping
the founding of America itself,
the founding of America itself,
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成功神学推崇的不是
美国建立的本身，
美国建立的本身，
04:47
the prosperity gospel
worshipped Americans.
worshipped Americans.
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而是美国人。
04:51
It deifies and ritualizes their hungers,
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它将美国人的渴望、
努力和道德品质
努力和道德品质
04:54
their hard work and moral fiber.
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神圣化及仪式化。
04:58
Americans believe in a gospel of optimism,
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美国人坚信乐观主义，
他们自己就是见证。
05:01
and they are their own proof.
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05:04
But despite telling myself,
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尽管我告诉自己：
05:06
"I'm just studying this stuff,
I'm nothing like them,"
I'm nothing like them,"
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“我只是在研究这个东西，
我与他们不同，”
我与他们不同，”
当我拿到诊断书时，
05:09
when I got my diagnosis,
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我突然明白，
05:11
I suddenly understood
how deeply invested I was
how deeply invested I was
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自己已深陷霍雷肖·阿尔杰理论中。
05:15
in my own Horatio Alger theology.
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05:19
If you live in this culture,
whether you are religious or not,
whether you are religious or not,
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如果你生活在这种文化中，
不管你是否信教，
不管你是否信教，
很难避免陷入这样一种思维：
05:22
it is extremely difficult
to avoid falling into the trap
to avoid falling into the trap
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美德和成功是联系在一起的。
05:26
of believing that virtue
and success go hand in hand.
and success go hand in hand.
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05:31
The more I stared down my diagnosis,
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我越盯着看诊断书，
越是意识到，
对于“好人有好报”这句话，
对于“好人有好报”这句话，
05:34
the more I recognized
that I had my own quiet version
that I had my own quiet version
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我有着自己的理解。
05:37
of the idea that good things
happen to good people.
happen to good people.
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05:41
Aren't I good?
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我不优秀吗？
05:42
Aren't I special somehow?
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我某种程度上不是独一无二的吗？
05:45
I have committed zero homicides
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至今为止，
我从未杀过人。
05:47
to date.
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（笑声）
05:49
(Laughter)
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（掌声）
05:51
(Applause)
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那么为什么这一切要发生在我身上？
05:53
So why is this happening to me?
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05:56
I wanted God to make me good
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我希望上帝让我变得优秀，
并且嘉奖我的虔诚，
只要一点小的奖励就可以。
只要一点小的奖励就可以。
05:58
and to reward my faith with just a few
shining awards along the way.
shining awards along the way.
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06:03
OK, like, a lot of shining awards.
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好吧，我想要很多杰出奖励。
（笑声）
06:05
(Laughter)
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我相信苦难
06:06
I believed that hardships
were only detours
were only detours
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只是我人生长路上
避不开的几条弯路而已。
避不开的几条弯路而已。
06:09
on what I was certain would be
my long, long life.
my long, long life.
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06:14
As is this case with many of us,
it's a mindset that served me well.
it's a mindset that served me well.
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就像其他人那样，
这种心态对我很有帮助。
这种心态对我很有帮助。
06:19
The gospel of success drove me to achieve,
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成功神学驱使我努力、
志向高远、
06:22
to dream big,
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抛弃恐惧。
06:23
to abandon fear.
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06:26
It was a mindset that served me well
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曾几何时，
这种心态对我很有帮助，
这种心态对我很有帮助，
直到现在，
06:28
until it didn't,
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直到我遇到了一个
无法解决的困难；
无法解决的困难；
06:30
until I was confronted with something
I couldn't manage my way out of;
I couldn't manage my way out of;
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06:35
until I found myself
saying into the phone,
saying into the phone,
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直到我对着电话说：
“但我还有个儿子呀，”
06:37
"But I have a son,"
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06:39
because it was all
I could think of to say.
I could think of to say.
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因为我只能想到这句话。
06:45
That was the most difficult
moment to accept:
moment to accept:
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那是最难以接受的一刻：
06:48
the phone call, the walk to the hospital,
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那通电话，赶去医院，
当我意识到自己的成功神学
06:51
when I realized that my own
personal prosperity gospel
personal prosperity gospel
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06:55
had failed me.
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辜负了我。
06:57
Anything I thought was good
or special about me could not save me --
or special about me could not save me --
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我自以为的优秀品质或特质，
都没法救我——
都没法救我——
07:02
my hard work, my personality,
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工作努力、人格良好、
机智幽默、眼光独道。
07:05
my humor, my perspective.
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07:08
I had to face the fact that my life
is built with paper walls,
is built with paper walls,
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我不得不接受这个事实：
我的人生是纸糊的，
我的人生是纸糊的，
别人的同样如此。
07:12
and so is everyone else's.
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07:16
It is a hard thought to accept
that we are all a breath away
that we are all a breath away
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很难接受，在瞬息之间
会有困难完全摧毁某些事物，
07:20
from a problem that could
destroy something irreplaceable
destroy something irreplaceable
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或是彻底改变我们的生活。
07:24
or alter our lives completely.
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07:27
We know that in life
there are befores and afters.
there are befores and afters.
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我们都知道在人生中，
有“之前”和“之后”两个阶段。
有“之前”和“之后”两个阶段。
07:31
I am asked all the time to say
that I would never go back,
that I would never go back,
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我一直被要求做到不要后悔，
或是我学到很多。
07:36
or that I've gained
so much in perspective.
so much in perspective.
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07:39
And I tell them no,
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但我要说不，
之前才更好。
07:40
before was better.
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07:45
A few months after I got sick,
I wrote about this
I wrote about this
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在我患病后几个月，
我写下这些，
我写下这些，
并且把它发给《纽约时报》的一位编辑。
07:48
and then I sent it off to an editor
at the "New York Times."
at the "New York Times."
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07:51
In retrospect, taking one of the most
vulnerable moments of your life
vulnerable moments of your life
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回想起来，讲述一个
你人生中最脆弱的时刻，
你人生中最脆弱的时刻，
并刊登在社论对页版，
07:55
and turning into an op-ed
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07:57
is not an amazing way
to feel less vulnerable.
to feel less vulnerable.
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并不能有效减轻脆弱的感觉。
08:00
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
我收到了数千份回信和邮件，
08:01
I got thousands of letters and emails.
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08:04
I still get them every day.
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现在每天还能收到一些，
08:07
I think it is because
of the questions I asked.
of the questions I asked.
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我认为这是因为我问的问题。
08:10
I asked: How do you live
without quite so many reasons
without quite so many reasons
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我问：如果坏事无缘无故地发生，
你们是如何活下去的？
08:14
for the bad things that happen?
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08:17
I asked: Would it be better to live
without outrageous formulas
without outrageous formulas
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我问：如果不相信好人有好报的话，
是不是能轻松地活下去？
08:22
for why people deserve what they get?
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08:26
And what was so funny
and so terrible was, of course,
and so terrible was, of course,
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甚至更加搞笑和糟糕的是，
我要求人们冷静下来，
08:29
I thought I asked people to simmer down
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不要再为坏事找缘由。
08:31
on needing an explanation
for the bad things that happened.
for the bad things that happened.
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08:34
So what did thousands of readers do?
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那么数千名读者做了什么？
08:37
Yeah, they wrote to defend the idea
that there had to be a reason
that there had to be a reason
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他们在信中辩护说对于
发生在我身上的事
发生在我身上的事
08:41
for what happened to me.
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一定有一个缘由，
08:43
And they really want me
to understand the reason.
to understand the reason.
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并且他们非常想
让我理解这个缘由。
让我理解这个缘由。
08:46
People want me to reassure them
that my cancer is all part of a plan.
that my cancer is all part of a plan.
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人们希望我向他们保证，
我患癌症是某个计划的一部分。
我患癌症是某个计划的一部分。
08:51
A few letters even suggested
it was God's plan that I get cancer
it was God's plan that I get cancer
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有几封信甚至提议说
是上帝计划让我得癌症，
是上帝计划让我得癌症，
这样我就能写出这些，帮助他人。
08:55
so I could help people
by writing about it.
by writing about it.
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08:58
People are certain
it is a test of my character
it is a test of my character
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人们确信这是一场对我人性的测试，
或是证明了我曾做过什么坏事。
09:01
or proof of something terrible I've done.
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09:04
They want me to know without a doubt
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他们希望我毫不怀疑的相信，
在表面混乱的背后隐藏着逻辑。
09:07
that there is a hidden logic
to this seeming chaos.
to this seeming chaos.
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09:12
They tell my husband,
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当我还在医院的时候，
他们告诉我的丈夫，
09:13
while I'm still in the hospital,
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一切都事出有因，
09:15
that everything happens for a reason,
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但当我丈夫说：
09:18
and then stammer awkwardly when he says,
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“我想听听理由。
09:21
"I'd love to hear it.
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我想知道为何我妻子命悬一线。”
09:23
I'd love to hear the reason
my wife is dying."
my wife is dying."
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他们却又支支吾吾。
09:27
And I get it.
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然后我懂了，
09:29
We all want reasons.
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我们都想知道原因，
09:31
We want formulas
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09:32
to predict whether
our hard work will pay off,
our hard work will pay off,
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我们都希望这些“准则”能够预测
我们的努力是否会获得回报，
我们的努力是否会获得回报，
09:36
whether our love and support
will always make our partners happy
will always make our partners happy
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我们的爱和支持是否
会让我们的伴侣开心、
会让我们的伴侣开心、
让我们的孩子爱我们。
09:40
and our kids love us.
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09:43
We want to live in a world
in which not one ounce
in which not one ounce
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我们都希望在这个世界上，
09:46
of our hard work or our pain
or our deepest hopes will be for nothing.
or our deepest hopes will be for nothing.
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每一分努力、痛苦或是
最深的希望会得到回报，
最深的希望会得到回报，
09:52
We want to live in a world
in which nothing is lost.
in which nothing is lost.
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我们都希望世界上不会有愿望落空。
09:58
But what I have learned
in living with stage IV cancer
in living with stage IV cancer
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若说从四期癌症中我学到了什么，
那就是
10:02
is that there is no easy correlation
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在我的努力和我的寿命
10:05
between how hard I try
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没有任何的联系。
10:08
and the length of my life.
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10:10
In the last three years,
I've experienced more pain and trauma
I've experienced more pain and trauma
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在最近的三年中，
我承受了许多痛苦与创伤，
我承受了许多痛苦与创伤，
远超我觉得自己能够承受的范围。
10:14
than I ever thought I could survive.
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10:18
I realized the other day that I've had
so many abdominal surgeries
so many abdominal surgeries
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另一天我意识到我已经
经历过太多腹部手术，
经历过太多腹部手术，
我的肚脐已经换过4次，
10:21
that I'm on my fifth belly button,
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10:23
and this last one is my least favorite.
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而最新的这颗是我最不喜欢的。
10:26
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
10:29
But at the same time,
I've experienced love,
I've experienced love,
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但同时，我也经历了爱，
无穷无尽的爱，
10:32
so much love,
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很难用语言来描述。
10:34
love I find hard to explain.
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10:38
The other day, I was reading the findings
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某天，我正在阅读
濒死体验研究基金会
的一份研究报告，
的一份研究报告，
10:40
of the Near Death Experience
Research Foundation,
Research Foundation,
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这种东西确实存在。
10:43
and yes, there is such a thing.
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他们采访了各种情况下
10:45
People were interviewed
about their brushes with death
about their brushes with death
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人们与死亡擦肩而过的体验：
10:48
in all kinds of circumstances:
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车祸、分娩、
10:50
car accidents, labor and delivery,
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自杀。
10:52
suicides.
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许多人提到了同样的奇怪事：
10:54
And many reported the same odd thing:
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10:57
love.
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爱。
10:59
I'm sure I would have ignored it
if it hadn't reminded me
if it hadn't reminded me
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我确定如果它没能唤醒我的记忆，
让我想起一些不想告诉他人的事，
11:01
of something I had experienced,
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11:03
something I felt
uncomfortable telling anyone:
uncomfortable telling anyone:
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我肯定会无视它：
11:06
that when I was sure
that I was going to die,
that I was going to die,
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当我确信自己会死亡的时候，
我没有感到愤怒，
11:09
I didn't feel angry.
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11:12
I felt loved.
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我感觉被爱着。
11:15
It was one of the most surreal things
I have experienced.
I have experienced.
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这是我所经历过最离奇的事之一。
11:18
In a time in which I should have
felt abandoned by God,
felt abandoned by God,
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当我应该感到被上帝抛弃的时候，
我并未化为灰烬。
11:22
I was not reduced to ashes.
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11:25
I felt like I was floating,
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我觉得自己漂浮着，
11:27
floating on the love and prayers
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漂浮在爱与祈祷之上，
11:29
of all those who hummed
around me like worker bees,
around me like worker bees,
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它们来自围绕在我周围、
如蜜蜂般嗡嗡作响的人，
如蜜蜂般嗡嗡作响的人，
给我带来慰问卡、袜子和鲜花，
11:33
bringing me notes and socks and flowers
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还有上面绣有鼓励话语的被子。
11:35
and quilts embroidered
with words of encouragement.
with words of encouragement.
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11:39
But when they sat beside me,
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但当他们坐在我的身旁，
握住我的手时，
11:41
my hand in their hands,
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我的痛苦好像不再属于我，
11:43
my own suffering began to feel
like it had revealed to me
like it had revealed to me
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变成了我感知的他人的痛苦。
11:47
the suffering of others.
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11:49
I was entering a world
of people just like me,
of people just like me,
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我正进入像我一样的人的世界，
11:53
people stumbling around in the debris
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人们在破碎的梦想前颤抖，
曾以为自己有能力实现；
11:55
of dreams they thought
they were entitled to
they were entitled to
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在破碎的计划前战栗，
没意识到他们已制定这些计划。
没意识到他们已制定这些计划。
11:58
and plans they didn't
realize they had made.
realize they had made.
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12:02
It was a feeling of being more connected,
somehow, with other people,
somehow, with other people,
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我觉得自己与他人的联系加深，
体验着同样的经历。
12:06
experiencing the same situation.
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12:09
And that feeling
stayed with me for months.
stayed with me for months.
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这种感觉，围绕了我几个月。
12:12
In fact, I'd grown so accustomed to it
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事实上，我习惯于这个感觉，
甚至开始担心未来会失去它。
12:14
that I started to panic
at the prospect of losing it.
at the prospect of losing it.
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所以我开始询问我喜欢的朋友、
神学家、历史学家和修女：
神学家、历史学家和修女：
12:17
So I began to ask friends, theologians,
historians, nuns I liked,
historians, nuns I liked,
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12:23
"What I am I going to do
when that loving feeling is gone?"
when that loving feeling is gone?"
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“等我感觉不到被爱着了，
我要做什么？”
我要做什么？”
12:28
And they knew exactly
what I was talking about,
what I was talking about,
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他们明白我在说什么，
12:30
because they had either
experienced it themselves
experienced it themselves
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因为他们或是自己经历过，
或是在基督教义中学到过。
12:32
or they'd read about it
in great works of Christian theology.
in great works of Christian theology.
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他们回答：
12:35
And they said,
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1279
“任它去。
12:37
"Yeah, it'll go.
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12:39
The feelings will go.
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1476
这个感觉会消失的。
12:41
And there will be no formula
for how to get it back."
for how to get it back."
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没办法让它回来。”
12:45
But they offered me
this little piece of reassurance,
this little piece of reassurance,
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但他们提供给我这小小的保证，
而我接受了。
12:48
and I clung to it.
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12:50
They said,
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他们说：
“当这个感觉如潮水一般退去时，
12:51
"When the feelings recede like the tides,
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它会留下印记。”
12:54
they will leave an imprint."
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12:57
And they do.
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的确如此。
12:59
And it is not proof of anything,
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这不能证明任何事情，
13:03
and it is nothing to boast about.
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也没有可夸耀的地方，
这是一件礼物。
13:05
It was just a gift.
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1631
所以我无法用我的
5步神圣健康计划
5步神圣健康计划
13:07
So I can't respond to
the thousands of emails I get
the thousands of emails I get
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和神奇的漂浮感
13:10
with my own five-step plan
to divine health
to divine health
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来回复那数千份邮件。
13:13
and magical floating feelings.
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2110
13:16
I see that the world is jolted by events
that are wonderful and terrible,
that are wonderful and terrible,
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5983
我发现世界被各种事件震动，
它们或喜或悲，
它们或喜或悲，
或华丽，或惨烈。
13:22
gorgeous and tragic.
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13:25
I can't reconcile the contradiction,
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2284
我无法调和矛盾，
13:28
except that I am beginning to believe
that these opposites
that these opposites
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除了我开始相信这两面
不会相互抵消。
13:31
do not cancel each other out.
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2463
13:35
Life is so beautiful,
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生命是如此的美好，
生命又是如此的艰难。
13:37
and life is so hard.
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13:42
Today, I am doing quite well.
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如今，我的状况还不错。
13:46
The immunotherapy drugs
appear to be working,
appear to be working,
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2831
免疫疗法的药物好像起作用了，
而我们正在观察等待新的扫描结果。
13:49
and we are watching
and waiting with scans.
and waiting with scans.
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2761
13:52
I hope I will live a long time.
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2197
我希望自己能活得长久，
13:55
I hope I will live long enough
to embarrass my son
to embarrass my son
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我希望能活到
捉弄我儿子的那一刻，
捉弄我儿子的那一刻，
能看到我丈夫那美丽的头发掉光。
14:00
and to watch my husband
lose his beautiful hair.
lose his beautiful hair.
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2944
14:04
And I think I might.
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1449
我觉得也许自己能活那么久。
14:06
But I am learning to live
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2149
但我正在学习怎么生活、
怎么去爱，
14:08
and to love
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1787
不计代价，
14:10
without counting the cost,
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也没有任何保证和理由说
不会失去任何事物。
不会失去任何事物。
14:12
without reasons and assurances
that nothing will be lost.
that nothing will be lost.
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14:17
Life will break your heart,
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2161
生活会伤透你的心，
14:20
and life may take everything you have
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2633
生活可能会拿走你拥有的一切，
14:22
and everything you hope for.
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1737
你希望的一切。
14:25
But there is one kind
of prosperity gospel that I believe in.
of prosperity gospel that I believe in.
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4246
但我相信一种成功神学，
14:29
I believe that in the darkness,
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我相信
即使是在黑暗里，
14:32
even there,
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也会有美好，
14:33
there will be beauty,
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1798
也会有爱。
14:35
and there will be love.
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1681
时不时地，
14:37
And every now and then,
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2483
好像总是有无尽的爱与美好。
14:39
it will feel like more than enough.
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3037
14:43
Thank you.
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谢谢。
（掌声）
14:45
(Applause)
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3435
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Kate Bowler - Divinity professor, authorKate Bowler is reexamining her perspective on the "prosperity gospel": the belief that good things happen to good people.
Why you should listen
After being diagnosed with stage IV cancer at age 35, Duke tenured professor and author Kate Bowler launched a national conversation about why it feels so difficult to speak frankly about suffering. She delves into how we live and cope with pain and suffering in Everything Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I've Loved, a New York Times bestselling memoir, and in her popular podcast, Everything Happens. She is also the author of Blessed: A History of the American Prosperity Gospel, which received widespread media and academic attention as the first history of a movement based on divine promises of health, wealth and happiness. She has appeared on NPR and The TODAY Show, Amanpour & Company as well as in the New York Times, Washington Post and TIME Magazine. Her work has also been praised by a wide variety of religious and political publications, from liberal print media to conservative talk radio.
Kate Bowler | Speaker | TED.com