Emily Nagoski: The truth about unwanted arousal
إيميلي ناغوسكي: الحقيقة فيما يتعلقُ بالاستثارة غير المرغوب فيها
Emily Nagoski teaches women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. Full bio
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ينصحُ بمراقبة المشاهد]
is I bring the science.
هو جلب العلم.
is that I stay neutral
هو أن أبقى محايدة
no judgment, no shame,
ولا إصدار أحكام ولا خجل،
in a hotel lobby once,
and a colleague chases me down.
لحقت بي زميلة.
a really quick question.
to get addicted to her vibrator."
إدمان جهازها الهزاز".
but it is possible to get spoiled.
أن تعتاد على الدلال.
this one in an outdoor tropical paradise,
كان في الهواء الطلق في جنة استوائية،
and a couple approaches me.
يقتربُ زوجان مني،
about premature ejaculation."
حول القذف المبكّر."
about the stop/start technique."
عن طريقة التوقف والبدء."
other people might "squick."
that combines surprise
what to do with your hands.
لا يعلمُ أحدكم ماذا يفعل بيديه.
the first two decades of your life
and disgusting source of everlasting shame
مصدر مثير للاشمئزاز لعار دائم
no one will ever love you.
لن يحبكم أي أحد مطلقًا.
hearing me talk about sex
سماعكم لي وأنا أتحدث عن الجنس
full of strangers -- that is normal.
في غرفة مليئة بالغرباء... هذا أمر طبيعي.
to get to the light at the end.
للحصول على ضوء في نهاية المطاف.
today a piece of science
في معلومات علمية
how I think about everything,
in our emotional brain,
في أدمغتنا العاطفية
interpersonal relationships.
you've probably heard referred to
your face your nose.
and will leave you really confused
وستترككم حيارى حقًا
how faces work.
but separable systems.
ولكنها قابلة للفصل.
in your emotional brain.
في أدمغتكم العاطفية.
on the tongue of a newborn infant,
على لسان رضيع مولود حديثًا،
sets off fireworks.
ما يشبه الألعاب النارية.
by this vast dopaminergic network
من خلال شبكة مادة الدوبامين الشاسعة
or away from a stimulus.
following you around,
الذي يلاحقك في كل مكان،
in response to a bell.
عندما تعطيه طعامًا،
salivates automatically,
that the dog wants to eat the bell?
يريد أن يأكل الجرس؟
finds the bell delicious?
was make the bell food-related.
هو جعل الجرس مرتبطًا بالطعام.
of wanting, liking and learning,
للإعجاب والرغبة والتعلّم،
an explanatory framework
arousal nonconcordance.
الإثارة غير التوافقية.
of predictive relationship
response, like salivation,
of pleasure and desire.
and motivational system that we have,
تدفق الدم في الأعضاء التناسلية
blood flow can increase
are not also associated
غير مرتبطة أيضًا
of wanting and liking.
and subjective experience
والتجربة الشخصية
about that sex-related stimulus
at their genital blood flow.
في تدفق دم أعضائه الجنسية فقط.
he gave me the best possible example.
أعطاني أفضل مثال ممكن.
في المدرسة الثانوية، و ...
when I was in high school, I ...
to the phrase 'doughnut hole.'"
لجملة "الحفرة التجويفية للكعكة المقلية".
flooded with testosterone,
a little bit sex-related.
to get an erection one evening,
لينتصب عضوه التناسلي ذات أمسية،
morning with an erection,
وعضوه التناسلي منتصبًا،
a 30-something friend, a woman,
التي تبلغ أكثر من 30 عامًا،
were in the middle of doing some things
القيام ببعض الأشياء.
أنت لطيفة فقط".
you're just being nice.'
هل يتوجب الحديث مع الطبيب،
should I talk to a doctor,
تحدثي إلى مقدم الرعاية الطبية.
talk to a medical provider.
just doesn't necessarily predict
of liking and wanting.
of power play in a sexual relationship.
لدور صاحب النفوذ في العلاقة الجنسية
she's standing up and he positions her
كانت واقفةً ثم عدّل من وضعها
against her clitoris, like this.
and the guy leaves.
and she says, "I am bored."
"أشعرُ بالملل".
and he looks at the bar
directly against your clitoris?
ضغط مباشر على بظرك؟
she wants or likes what's happening?
she wants or likes what's happening?
what she wanted and liked.
ما الذي رغبت وأعجبت فيه.
what's the solution?
"Listen to your words."
listen-to-her-words story.
من قصتها حسب كلامها.
that a student sent me
about arousal nonconcordance.
حول الإثارة غير التوافقية.
a new partner, glad to be doing things,
وسعيدة بالقيام بأشياء،
as she was interested in going
you're so ready, don't be shy."
أنت مستعدة، لا تخجلي".
and confidence she had
and Time's Up, people ask me,
يسألني الناس،
what my partner wants and likes?
and contractual now?"
لفظية أو تعاقدية؟"
cultural conversation about that.
على مستوى ثقافي كبير حولها.
how clear consent is
بأننا نلاحظ وضوح الموافقة
what they wanted and liked:
بماذا رغب وأعجب:
they were wrong.
that you feel something else.
and motivational system we have.
when I bite into a wormy apple,
who get it wrong.
الذين يفهمونها بطريقة خاطئة.
published a document
I Had Known Before I Presided
من قبل أن أرأس
of Sexual Assault."
may experience a physical response,
ردة فعل جسدية
in the sense of desire or mutuality."
أو التبادلية".
into the darkness,
we will find our way into the light.
نحو الضوء.
التي انطوت على حالات متعددة
involving multiple instances
responds to the case?
orgasm is physiological;
الرعشة الجنسية هي ردة فعل وظيفية،
involuntary release of tension,
to sex-related stimuli.
the jury knew about those orgasms
لأن يعرف هيئة المحلفين حول الرعشة الجنسية
could be construed as consent.
اعتبار الرعشة الجنسية بمثابة موافقة.
being abused by an adult in the family.
تم تعنيفها من قبل شخص بالغ في العائلة.
all kind of feelings,
أن يمنح الشخص كل أنواع المشاعر،
in a room full of strangers,
في غرفة مليئة بالغرباء.
هذا الشعور الفوضوي،
all of the messy feelings,
to the light of compassion
with her body was damaged
to protect it.
that there was a trustworthy adult
كان هناك شخص كبير جدير بالثقة
doesn't mean it was wanted or liked,
ولا يعني ذلك الرغبة أو الإعجاب،
it was consented to.
are why I travel all over,
أسافر لكل مكان،
to anyone who will listen.
even as I say the words.
in front of 1000 strangers.
أمام 1000 شخص غريب.
who has experienced sexual violence --
ممن تعرض للعنف الجنسي بهذا الأمر...
امرأة من بين ثلاث نساء.
it's a sex-related stimulus.
معناها حافز مرتبط بالجنس فقط.
or a lawyer you know,
أو محام تعرفونه،
on a jury in a sexual assault case.
كعضو في هيئة محلفين في حالة اعتداء جنسي.
that your body doesn't respond
or like what's happening,
teenager in your life
what, even, what?
and your mouth waters,
وسال لعابكم،
how much you like it."
كم أحببتم ذلك؟".
arousal nonconcordance.
what I want or like.
بماذا أرغبُ أو أعجب.
very dark forces in our culture.
في ثقافتنا.
that little bit better, a little simpler
on the phone, worried that she's broken.
وقلقة من أنها تحطمت.
for having the courage
من على خشبة هذا المسرح.
and we're very grateful to you.
ونحنُ ممتنون لك كثيرًا.
at the top of the talk,
that you get asked all the time
الذي يتم طرحه طوال الوقت
so you don't have to answer it 1000 times
والذي لن تضطري للإجابة عليه 1000 مرة
في معظم الأحيان
pretty much all the other questions,
كل هذه الأسئلة إلى حدٍ كبير،
with my erectile dysfunction?
the question, "Am I normal?"
"هل أنا طبيعي؟"
what you want your sexuality to be?
وما ترغب أن تكون عليه حياتك الجنسية؟
around sexuality?
فيما يتعلق بالجنس؟
or do you want awesome sex in your life?
أم بجنس رائع في حياتكم؟
asking me is, "Do I belong?"
"هل أنا أنتمي؟"
a resounding yes.
the only limit there is, there are two:
الحد الوحيد الموجود، هناك اثنان:
unwanted sexual pain,
غير مرغوب فيه،
is free and glad to be there,
فهو حر وسعيد ليكون هناك
anything that you want to.
ترغبُ في عمله.
there is no box you have to fit into,
consent and no unwanted pain,
ولا وجود لألم غير مرغوب فيه.
whatever you want.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Emily Nagoski - Sex educatorEmily Nagoski teaches women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies.
Why you should listen
Emily Nagoski is a sex educator and the author of the best-selling Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life. As she writes: "As an undergrad at the University of Delaware, I wanted some volunteer work for my resume, so I got trained as a peer sex educator, going into residence halls to talk about condoms, contraception and consent. Though I loved the brain science I was studying in my classes (BA in psychology, minors in cognitive science and philosophy), it was my work as a sex educator that made me like who I am as a person. So that's the path I chose. I went to Indiana University for an MS in counseling and PhD in health behavior, completing a clinical internship at the Kinsey Institute, then went on to work at Smith College, where I taught a class called Women’s Sexuality.
"That first semester at Smith, I asked my students, as the last question on the final exam, 'What's one important thing you learned?' Half the students answered simply, 'I'm normal.' I decided that day to write Come As You Are, to share the science and sex positivity that helped my students know they're normal."
Emily Nagoski | Speaker | TED.com