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TED2013

Shane Koyczan: To This Day ... for the bullied and beautiful

シェーン・コイザン: 「今でもまだ」―いじめに悩む美しい君たちへ

February 28, 2013

若く―そして人と違うということがどういうことなのか、詩人のシェーン・コイザンは、愉快で忘れられないスタイルで描き出します。「今でもまだ」といういじめを題材にしたスポークン・ワード・ポエムは、アニメ作家80名がクラウドソーシングで制作したビデオによって急速に広まり、何百万人もを魅了しました。TED ではハンナ・エパーソンの奏でるバイオリンをバックにした素晴らしい再演ライブを行い、導入部が追加されています。

Shane Koyczan - Poet
Shane Koyczan makes spoken-word poetry and music. His poem "To This Day" is a powerful story of bullying and survival, illustrated by animators from around the world. Full bio

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Double-click the English subtitles below to play the video.
There's so many of you.
たくさんの方がいらしていますね
00:20
When I was a kid,
子どものころ―
00:27
I hid my heart under the bed, because my mother said,
自分の心はベッドの下に隠していた
母がこう言ったから
00:30
"If you're not careful, someday someone's going to break it."
「気をつけないと いつか
誰かに壊される」
00:32
Take it from me. Under the bed is not a good hiding spot.
信じてください
ベッドの下に隠すのはダメ
00:36
I know because I've been shot down so many times
何度も何度も打ちのめされたから
00:40
I get altitude sickness just from standing up for myself.
自らのために立ち上がれば
僕は 高山病
00:42
But that's what we were told.
でも こう教わった
00:46
Stand up for yourself.
自ら立ち上がるのだと
00:48
And that's hard to do if you don't know who you are.
自分が何者かわからなければ
それは 難しいこと
00:50
We were expected to define ourselves at such an early age,
幼いうちから
何者であるか決めよと言われ
00:53
and if we didn't do it, others did it for us.
自分で決めなければ
他人が代わりに決めた
00:57
Geek. Fatty. Slut. Fag.
「オタク」「デブ」
「変態」「おかま」
01:01
And at the same time we were being told what we were,
お前はこうだと告げると同時に
01:05
we were being asked,
こう聞かれた
01:08
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
「大きくなったら 何になりたい?」
01:10
I always thought that was an unfair question.
いつも思っていた
ずるい質問だと
01:13
It presupposes that we can't be what we already are.
今のままではいけないことを
前提としているから
01:14
We were kids.
僕たちは 子どもだったんだよ
01:18
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a man.
子どものころ
僕は大人になりたかった
01:20
I wanted a registered retirement savings plan
公的年金も積み立てたかった
01:23
that would keep me in candy long enough to make old age sweet.
キャンディーずくしの
甘い老後を送るため
01:25
When I was a kid, I wanted to shave.
子どものころ 髭をそりたかった
01:30
Now, not so much.
今は それほどでもない
01:32
When I was eight, I wanted to be a marine biologist.
8歳のとき
海洋生物学者になりたかった
01:36
When I was nine, I saw the movie "Jaws,"
9歳になって 映画「ジョーズ」を見て―
01:39
and thought to myself, "No, thank you."
「やーめた」と思った
01:41
And when I was 10, I was told that my parents left because they didn't want me.
10歳で 両親は
僕を捨てたんだと聞かされ―
01:44
When I was 11, I wanted to be left alone.
11歳のとき
僕は一人にしてほしかった
01:48
When I was 12, I wanted to die. When I was 13, I wanted to kill a kid.
12歳のとき 死にたかった
13歳のとき ある子を殺したかった
01:50
When I was 14, I was asked to seriously consider a career path.
14歳で 将来を真剣に考えるように言われ
01:54
I said, "I'd like to be a writer."
「作家になりたい」と言ったら―
01:58
And they said, "Choose something realistic."
「現実的なものにしなさい」
と言われた
02:00
So I said, "Professional wrestler."
そこで 「プロレスラー」と言うと
02:03
And they said, "Don't be stupid."
ふざけるなと返された
02:07
See, they asked me what I wanted to be,
みんな 何になりたいか
聞いておいて
02:09
then told me what not to be.
結局 それはだめ と言うのだ
02:12
And I wasn't the only one.
しかも 僕だけの話ではない
02:14
We were being told that we somehow must become
僕たちが教わっていたことは―
02:16
what we are not, sacrificing what we are
自分らしさを捨てて
違う自分になれ
02:19
to inherit the masquerade of what we will be.
あるべき自分の仮面を着けよということ
02:21
I was being told to accept the identity
僕は他人から与えられたアイデンティティーを
受け入れよと教わった
02:24
that others will give me.
僕は他人から与えられたアイデンティティーを
受け入れよと教わった
02:26
And I wondered, what made my dreams so easy to dismiss?
でも なんで そんなに簡単に
夢をあきらめるのか?
02:28
Granted, my dreams are shy,
確かに 僕の夢はシャイ
02:32
because they're Canadian. (Laughter)
なにせ カナダ人だから(笑)
02:36
My dreams are self-conscious and overly apologetic.
僕の夢は 内気で
すごく申し訳なさそう
02:40
They're standing alone at the high school dance,
高校のダンスパーティーでも
一人ぼっちで
02:44
and they've never been kissed.
キスされたこともない
02:46
See, my dreams got called names too.
僕の夢にも あだ名がついた
02:49
Silly. Foolish. Impossible.
バカ 愚か者 不可能
02:52
But I kept dreaming.
でも 僕は夢を見続けた
02:56
I was going to be a wrestler. I had it all figured out.
レスラーになる
そう決めたのだ
02:57
I was going to be The Garbage Man.
ザ・ガーベッジ・マンになるつもりだった
02:59
My finishing move was going to be The Trash Compactor.
得意技は ゴミ・コンパクター
03:02
My saying was going to be, "I'm taking out the trash!"
決まり台詞は
「ゴミに出してやるぞ!」
03:06
(Laughter) (Applause)
(笑)(拍手)
03:10
And then this guy, Duke "The Dumpster" Droese,
でも かのレスラー
デューク・ザ・ダンプスターに
03:16
stole my entire shtick.
先を越されてしまった
03:20
I was crushed, as if by a trash compactor.
ゴミ・コンパクターが決まって
僕はダウン
03:24
I thought to myself, "What now? Where do I turn?"
「じゃあ今度は どうする?」
僕は考えた
03:30
Poetry.
詩だ
03:34
Like a boomerang, the thing I loved came back to me.
ブーメランのごとく 好きなことは
僕の元に戻ってきた
03:37
One of the first lines of poetry I can remember writing
初めのころ書いた詩で
覚えているのは―
03:40
was in response to a world that demanded I hate myself.
自分嫌いにさせた世界に反論する詩
03:43
From age 15 to 18, I hated myself
15から18歳のとき
自分が嫌いだった
03:45
for becoming the thing that I loathed: a bully.
嫌っていたはずのいじめる側に
まわっていたから
03:48
When I was 19, I wrote,
19歳のとき 僕は書いた
03:52
"I will love myself despite the ease with which
「僕は自分を愛そう
03:55
I lean toward the opposite."
そうしない方が楽であろうとも」
03:58
Standing up for yourself doesn't have to mean
自ら立ち向かうとは 必ずしも
04:01
embracing violence.
暴力に訴えていくことではない
04:04
When I was a kid,
子どものころ―
04:07
I traded in homework assignments for friendship,
友だちがほしくて
代わりに宿題をした
04:08
then gave each friend a late slip for never showing up on time,
約束通りに来ない友だちを許そうにも
04:11
and in most cases not at all.
たいていは待ちぼうけ
04:14
I gave myself a hall pass to get through each broken promise.
約束を破られるたびに1人で退出
04:16
And I remember this plan, born out of frustration
でも 僕を「クマゴロー」と呼び続け―
04:19
from a kid who kept calling me "Yogi,"
お腹を指して「お弁当 食べすぎ」と―
04:21
then pointed at my tummy and said, "Too many picnic baskets."
言った子に腹を立て
ある計画を立てた
04:24
Turns out it's not that hard to trick someone,
人をだますのは
実は難しくない
04:27
and one day before class, I said,
ある日 授業の前に―
04:30
"Yeah, you can copy my homework,"
「僕の宿題を写していいよ」と言って
04:31
and I gave him all the wrong answers
前の晩に 書いておいた―
04:33
that I'd written down the night before.
でたらめの答えを
その子に渡した
04:35
He got his paper back expecting a near-perfect score,
宿題が返却されると
ほぼ満点を期待していた彼は
04:37
and couldn't believe it when he looked across the room at me and held up a zero.
信じられない様子で 僕の方に
ゼロのサインをしてきた
04:40
I knew I didn't have to hold up my paper of 28 out of 30,
30点中28点だった僕の宿題を
見せるまでもなし
04:43
but my satisfaction was complete when he looked at me, puzzled,
彼が困惑しているのを
見ただけで 満足だった
04:47
and I thought to myself, "Smarter than the average bear, motherfucker."
「そこらのクマよりも賢いさ バカ野郎」
と ひそかに思っていた
04:50
(Laughter) (Applause)
(笑)(拍手)
04:53
This is who I am.
これが僕
05:01
This is how I stand up for myself.
僕は こうやって
自ら立ち向かうんだ
05:04
When I was a kid,
子どものころ―
05:08
I used to think that pork chops and karate chops were the same thing.
ポークチョップと空手チョップは
同じと思っていた
05:10
I thought they were both pork chops.
どっちも ポークチョップと思ったのだ
05:15
And because my grandmother thought it was cute,
祖母は それがかわいいと思い―
05:17
and because they were my favorite, she let me keep doing it.
僕の好物でもあったので
そのままにしておいた
05:19
Not really a big deal.
たわいない話だ
05:22
One day, before I realized fat kids are not designed to climb trees,
ある日 太った子は
木登り向きではないと知らずに
05:24
I fell out of a tree and bruised the right side of my body.
木から落ちて 体の右側に
あざを作った
05:27
I didn't want to tell my grandmother about it
祖母には そのことは
言いたくなかった
05:30
because I was scared I'd get in trouble for playing somewhere I shouldn't have been.
遊んではいけないところにいたので
怒られるのが怖かったから
05:32
A few days later, the gym teacher noticed the bruise,
数日後 体育の先生が
あざに気づいて
05:36
and I got sent to the principal's office.
校長室に行かされた
05:38
From there, I was sent to another small room
それから 別の小さな部屋に連れて行かれ―
05:40
with a really nice lady who asked me all kinds of questions about my life at home.
とても感じの良い女性が
家庭生活について 色々聞いてきた
05:42
I saw no reason to lie.
嘘をつく理由はなかった
05:47
As far as I was concerned, life was pretty good.
知る限り 生活はとても良かったから
05:49
I told her, whenever I'm sad, my grandmother gives me karate chops.
「僕が悲しんでいると
祖母は空手チョップをくれる」と言った
05:52
(Laughter)
(笑)
05:56
This led to a full-scale investigation,
これで 本格的な調査が始まり―
06:03
and I was removed from the house for three days,
僕は3日間 自宅から隔離された
06:08
until they finally decided to ask how I got the bruises.
その後 ようやく
あざができた理由を聞かれた
06:10
News of this silly little story quickly spread through the school,
このバカ話はすぐに学校中に広まり
06:14
and I earned my first nickname:
僕に 最初のあだ名がついた
06:17
Porkchop.
ポークチョップ
06:20
To this day, I hate pork chops.
今でもまだ 僕はポークチョップが嫌いだ
06:21
I'm not the only kid who grew up this way,
こんな風に成長してきたのは
僕だけではない
06:28
surrounded by people who used to say that rhyme
周りの人の決まり文句は
06:31
about sticks and stones,
「何を言われても痛くもかゆくもない」
06:33
as if broken bones hurt more than the names we got called,
ひどいあだ名も
骨折のようにつらくはないとされ
06:36
and we got called them all.
あだ名で呼ばれた
06:39
So we grew up believing no one would ever fall in love with us,
僕たちは もう誰にも愛されないと
信じて育ってきた
06:41
that we'd be lonely forever,
一生 一人ぼっち
06:44
that we'd never meet someone to make us feel like the sun
太陽は自分のためにあるのだと
06:47
was something they built for us in their toolshed.
感じさせてくれる誰かに出会うこともない
06:49
So broken heartstrings bled the blues, and we tried to empty ourselves so we'd feel nothing.
壊れた心が血のブルースを奏で―
何も感じないよう 空っぽにする
06:51
Don't tell me that hurt less than a broken bone,
骨折よりも痛くないとか―
06:55
that an ingrown life is something surgeons can cut away,
ねじ曲がって痛む心も
手術できるとか
06:58
that there's no way for it to metastasize; it does.
転移しないとか 聞きたくもない
違うから
07:00
She was eight years old,
彼女は 8歳だった
07:04
our first day of grade three when she got called ugly.
ブスと言われたのは
3年生の初日
07:05
We both got moved to the back of class
僕たちは 教室の後ろに座らされた
07:09
so we would stop getting bombarded by spitballs.
後ろから 紙つぶてが投げつけられないように
07:11
But the school halls were a battleground.
でも 廊下は 戦場だった
07:14
We found ourselves outnumbered day after wretched day.
多勢に無勢で過ごす みじめな日々
07:16
We used to stay inside for recess, because outside was worse.
最悪の室外を避けて
休み時間も教室を出ない
07:18
Outside, we'd have to rehearse running away,
外では 繰り返し走って逃げるか―
07:22
or learn to stay still like statues, giving no clues that we were there.
彫像のようにじっとして気配を消すか
しないといけなかった
07:24
In grade five, they taped a sign to the front of her desk
5年生のとき
彼女の机の前に こんな貼り紙
07:27
that read, "Beware of dog."
「ブス犬に注意」
07:30
To this day, despite a loving husband, she doesn't think she's beautiful
すてきな夫がいる今でも―
彼女は自分は美しいと思っていない
07:33
because of a birthmark that takes up a little less than half her face.
顔の半分近くある
生まれつきの あざのせいだ
07:38
Kids used to say, "She looks like a wrong answer
「誰かが消そうとして
消しきれなかった―
07:41
that someone tried to erase, but couldn't quite get the job done."
間違った答えみたいだ」と
周りの子たちは口にした
07:44
And they'll never understand that she's raising two kids
彼らには 永遠に理解できないだろう
彼女が2人の子どもを育て―
07:47
whose definition of beauty begins with the word "Mom,"
その子たちにとっての「美」は
「お母さん」のこととは
07:50
because they see her heart before they see her skin,
子どもたちは
肌よりも 先に心を見るから
07:54
because she's only ever always been amazing.
彼女は いつも
本当にすばらしいから
07:56
He was a broken branch grafted onto a different family tree,
彼は 違う家系に接ぎ木された
折れた枝だった
07:58
adopted,
養子なのだ
08:03
not because his parents opted for a different destiny.
両親が別れを望んだのではない
08:05
He was three when he became a mixed drink
3歳のときのこと
08:09
of one part left alone and two parts tragedy,
1人が孤独に残され
2人を襲った悲劇
08:11
started therapy in eighth grade,
8年生で 治療を始め
08:14
had a personality made up of tests and pills,
検査と薬で 人格が作られた
08:17
lived like the uphills were mountains and the downhills were cliffs,
人生は 山のような上り坂と
崖のような下り坂の繰り返し
08:20
four fifths suicidal, a tidal wave of antidepressants,
8割方は 自殺願望に囚われ
抗鬱剤の高潮に流されて―
08:23
and an adolescence being called "Popper,"
思春期のあだ名が「ヤク中」
08:27
one part because of the pills,
1%は薬のせい
08:30
99 parts because of the cruelty.
99%は 残酷さのせい
08:32
He tried to kill himself in grade 10
10年生のとき 自殺しようとした
08:34
when a kid who could still go home to Mom and Dad
両親に恵まれた家庭の子に―
08:37
had the audacity to tell him, "Get over it."
ぬけぬけと「吹っ切れよ」
と言われたときのこと
08:40
As if depression is something that could be remedied
まるで うつが
救急箱にあるもので
08:43
by any of the contents found in a first aid kit.
治せてしまうかのように
08:45
To this day, he is a stick of TNT lit from both ends,
今でもまだ 彼は
火の着いたダイナマイト
08:48
could describe to you in detail the way the sky bends
空が落ちる瞬間―
08:52
in the moment before it's about to fall,
空が曲がる様子を
事細かに語れる
08:54
and despite an army of friends who all call him an inspiration,
独創的だと言ってくれる
友だちもたくさんいるが
08:56
he remains a conversation piece between people who can't understand
わかっていない人たちの間では
相変わらず話の種にされる
08:59
sometimes being drug-free has less to do with addiction
薬が欠かせないのは
中毒とは関係なく
09:02
and more to do with sanity.
病気のせいなのに
09:06
We weren't the only kids who grew up this way.
こんな風に育ってきたのは
僕たちだけではない
09:09
To this day, kids are still being called names.
今でもまだ 子どもたちは
ひどいあだ名で呼ばれる
09:12
The classics were, "Hey stupid," "Hey spaz."
典型的なのは 「よう バカ」「よう トンマ」
09:15
Seems like every school has an arsenal of names
どの学校でも 毎年更新される―
09:20
getting updated every year,
あだ名の武器リストがあるようだ
09:23
and if a kid breaks in a school and no one around chooses to hear,
学校で傷つく子どもがいても
誰も耳を傾けなかったら
09:26
do they make a sound?
そこに音は生じるだろうか?
09:28
Are they just background noise from a soundtrack stuck
「子どもは残酷だ」と言うとき
09:30
on repeat when people say things like, "Kids can be cruel."
子どもの声は サントラに
混ざる雑音に過ぎないのだろうか?
09:33
Every school was a big top circus tent,
どの学校も 大きなサーカス小屋で
序列があり
09:37
and the pecking order went from acrobats to lion tamers,
アクロバットに始まり ライオン調教師
09:40
from clowns to carnies, all of these miles ahead of who we were.
ピエロ 見世物の順で
僕たちは そのもっと下
09:43
We were freaks -- lobster claw boys and bearded ladies,
僕たちは変人―
エビはさみ男やヒゲ女という変わり者で
09:47
oddities juggling depression and loneliness,
うつや寂しさをジャグリングし
09:51
playing solitaire, spin the bottle,
一人で 王様ゲームをして
09:53
trying to kiss the wounded parts of ourselves and heal,
自らの傷にキスして癒そうとするのだ
09:55
but at night, while the others slept,
夜に みんなが寝静まったあと
09:57
we kept walking the tightrope.
僕たちは綱渡りをし続けた
10:00
It was practice, and yes, some of us fell.
練習だったが―
そう 落ちる者もいる
10:02
But I want to tell them that all of this
でも 彼らに伝えたい
これは全て―
10:06
is just debris left over when we finally decide to smash
昔の自分を全て 捨てると決めたとき
10:09
all the things we thought we used to be,
単なる残骸になる
10:14
and if you can't see anything beautiful about yourself,
もし自分の美しいところが
見当たらないのなら
10:16
get a better mirror, look a little closer, stare a little longer,
良い鏡を手に入れ もっと近くで
じっくり見てほしい
10:20
because there's something inside you that made you keep trying
みんなが やめろというのに
君が頑張り続けるのには
10:24
despite everyone who told you to quit.
内なる何かがあるのだから
10:27
You built a cast around your broken heart and signed it yourself.
君は 壊れた心にギプスをし
自分で書いたのだ
10:29
You signed it, "They were wrong."
「彼らは間違っている」と
10:32
Because maybe you didn't belong to a group or a clique.
君がグループに
属しなかったからかもしれない
10:34
Maybe they decided to pick you last for basketball or everything.
バスケなどでも 最後まで
メンバーに選ばれなかったかもしれない
10:37
Maybe you used to bring bruises and broken teeth to show-and-tell, but never told,
証拠になる あざや折れた歯があっても
何も訴えなかったかもしれない
10:40
because how can you hold your ground
みんなが君を葬ろうという土地に
10:43
if everyone around you wants to bury you beneath it?
立つわけにはいかないから
10:45
You have to believe that they were wrong.
彼らが間違っていることを
信じないといけない
10:47
They have to be wrong.
彼らが間違っているんだ
10:51
Why else would we still be here?
でなければ 僕たちが
ここに残っているのはなぜ?
10:54
We grew up learning to cheer on the underdog
弱い者を励ますよう言われて
育ってきた
10:57
because we see ourselves in them.
それは 弱い者の中にこそ
自分の姿を見出すから
11:00
We stem from a root planted in the belief
あだ名と自分は別だと信じることに
11:03
that we are not what we were called.
僕たちは深く根ざしている
11:05
We are not abandoned cars stalled out
僕たちは エンストをして―
11:08
and sitting empty on some highway,
道に乗り捨てられた
車ではない
11:09
and if in some way we are, don't worry.
ある意味そうでも
心配しないで
11:12
We only got out to walk and get gas.
歩いて ガソリンを取りに行っただけ
11:13
We are graduating members from the class of We Made It,
僕たちは 「へこたれ組」はもう卒業した
11:15
not the faded echoes of voices crying out,
「あだ名は 僕を傷つけない」と
11:19
"Names will never hurt me."
叫ぶ声の
消え行くこだまではない
11:21
Of course they did.
傷つけられたのは事実だ
11:26
But our lives will only ever always
でも 僕たちの人生は
ずっと―
11:30
continue to be a balancing act
ずっと続く綱渡りだ
11:32
that has less to do with pain
苦しみは少なく
11:35
and more to do with beauty.
美しさが多い 綱渡り
11:38
(Applause)
(拍手)
11:42
Translator:Yuko Yoshida
Reviewer:Natsuhiko Mizutani

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Shane Koyczan - Poet
Shane Koyczan makes spoken-word poetry and music. His poem "To This Day" is a powerful story of bullying and survival, illustrated by animators from around the world.

Why you should listen

Shane Koyczan is a poet, author and performer. He performed at the opening ceremonies of the Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympics, where  an audience of more than 1 billion people worldwide heard his piece “We Are More.”

He has published three booksStickboyOur Deathbeds Will Be Thirsty and Visiting Hours, selected by both the Guardian and the Globe and Mail for their Best Books of the Year lists.

In 2012, he released a  full-length album with his band Shane Koyczan and the Short Story Long. The album includes the viral hit “To This Day,”  which explores the anguish of anyone who grew up feeling different or just a little bit alone. To bring visual life to this image-rich poem, Koyczan invited artists from around the world to contribute 20-second segments of animation to the project. Posted on YouTube on February 19, 2013, by the close of the month the video had been viewed 6 million times.

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