TEDxSummit
Maz Jobrani: A Saudi, an Indian and an Iranian walk into a Qatari bar ...
Filmed:
Readability: 3.1
16,131,385 views
Iranian-American comedian Maz Jobrani takes to the TEDxSummit stage in Doha, Qatar to take on serious issues in the Middle East -- like how many kisses to give when saying “Hi,” and what not to say on an American airplane.
Maz Jobrani - Comedian
A founding member of the Axis of Evil Comedy Tour, Iranian-American comedian Maz Jobrani is now touring with his second solo comedy show, Browner and Friendlier. Full bio
A founding member of the Axis of Evil Comedy Tour, Iranian-American comedian Maz Jobrani is now touring with his second solo comedy show, Browner and Friendlier. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:16
Hello, Doha. Hello. Salaam alaikum.
0
857
5424
00:22
I love coming to Doha. It's such an international place.
1
6281
4549
00:26
This is like -- it feels like the United Nations just here.
2
10830
3552
00:30
You land at the airport, and you're welcomed by an Indian lady
3
14382
2532
00:32
who takes you to Al Maha Services, where you meet a Filipino lady
4
16914
4356
00:37
who hands you off to a South African lady
5
21270
2394
00:39
who then takes you to a Korean who takes you to
6
23664
2289
00:41
a Pakistani guy with the luggage
7
25953
2556
00:44
who takes you to the car with a Sri Lankan.
8
28509
1419
00:45
You go to the hotel and you check in. There's a Lebanese.
9
29928
3126
00:48
Yeah? And then a Swedish guy showed me my room.
10
33054
3390
00:52
I said, "Where are the Qataris?" (Laughter)
11
36444
3516
00:55
(Applause)
12
39960
2970
00:58
They said, "No, no, it's too hot. They come out later. They're smart."
13
42930
2387
01:01
(Laughter) "They know."
14
45317
4085
01:05
And of course it's growing so fast, sometimes there's growing pains.
15
49402
3615
01:08
You know, like sometimes you run into people that you think
16
53017
2331
01:11
know the city well, but they don't know it that well.
17
55348
3079
01:14
My Indian cab driver showed up at the W,
18
58427
2218
01:16
and I asked him to take me to the Sheraton,
19
60645
2846
01:19
and he said, "No problem, sir."
20
63491
2349
01:21
And then we sat there for two minutes.
21
65840
2265
01:24
I said, "What's wrong?"He said, "One problem, sir."
22
68105
3461
01:27
I said, "What?" He goes, "Where is it?"
23
71566
1531
01:28
(Laughter)
24
73097
2716
01:31
I go, "You're the driver, you should know."He goes, "No, I just arrived, sir."
25
75813
4421
01:36
I go, "You just arrived at the W?""No, I just arrived in Doha, sir.
26
80234
4383
01:40
I was on my way home from the airport. I got a job.
27
84617
2432
01:42
I'm working already."
28
87049
2766
01:45
He goes, "Sir, why don't you drive?"
29
89815
3061
01:48
I go, "I don't know where we're going."
30
92876
1490
01:50
"Neither do I. It will be an adventure, sir."
31
94366
5424
01:55
It is an adventure. The Middle East has been an adventure the past couple years.
32
99790
2963
01:58
The Middle East is going crazy with the Arab Spring
33
102753
2438
02:01
and revolution and all this. Are there any Lebanese here tonight?
34
105191
1994
02:03
Any Lebanese by applause? (Applause) Lebanese.
35
107185
2791
02:05
Yeah. The Middle East is going crazy.
36
109976
2373
02:08
You know the Middle East is going crazy
37
112349
2148
02:10
when Lebanon is the most peaceful place in the region.
38
114497
2191
02:12
(Laughter) (Applause)
39
116688
2661
02:15
Who would have thought? Oh my gosh.
40
119349
5344
02:20
No. There's serious issues in the region.
41
124693
2022
02:22
Some people don't want to talk about them. I'm here to talk about them tonight.
42
126715
3713
02:26
Ladies and gentlemen of the Middle East,
43
130428
1934
02:28
here's a serious issue. When we see each other,
44
132362
1648
02:29
when we say hello, how many kisses are we going to do?
45
134010
5289
02:35
Every country is different and it's confusing, okay?
46
139299
2383
02:37
In Lebanon, they do three. In Egypt, they do two.
47
141682
3485
02:41
I was in Lebanon, I got used to three.
48
145167
2339
02:43
I went to Egypt. I went to say hello to this one Egyptian guy,
49
147506
3465
02:46
I went, one, two. I went for three. He wasn't into it.
50
150971
3328
02:50
(Laughter)
51
154299
4753
02:54
I told him, I said, "No, no, no, I was just in Lebanon."
52
159052
2138
02:57
He goes, "I don't care where you were. You just stay where you are, please. Just stay where you are."
53
161190
7207
03:04
I went to Saudi Arabia. In Saudi Arabia, they go one, two,
54
168397
3285
03:07
and then they stay on the same side -- three, four, five, six,
55
171682
2761
03:10
seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18.
56
174443
4625
03:14
(Laughter)
57
179068
3337
03:18
Next time you see a Saudi, look closely. They're just a little bit tilted.
58
182405
4752
03:23
"Abdul, are you okay?""Yeah, I was saying hello for half an hour.
59
187157
1801
03:24
I'm going to be all right."
60
188958
3938
03:28
Qataris, you guys do the nose to nose.
61
192896
3322
03:32
Why is that? Are you too tired to go all the way around?
62
196218
3909
03:36
"Habibi, it's so hot. Just come here for a second. Say hello.
63
200127
3120
03:39
Hello, Habibi. Just don't move. Just stay there please.
64
203247
2766
03:41
I need to rest."
65
206013
3389
03:45
Every country — Iranians, sometimes we do two, sometimes we do three.
66
209402
3470
03:48
A friend of mine explained to me, before the '79 revolution,
67
212872
3077
03:51
it was two. After the revolution, three.
68
215949
4075
03:55
So with Iranians, you can tell whose side the person is on
69
220024
2337
03:58
based on the number of kisses they give you.
70
222361
2286
04:00
Yeah, if you go one, two, three -- "I can't believe you support this regime
71
224647
3906
04:04
with your three kisses."
72
228553
4954
04:09
But no, guys, really, it is exciting to be here,
73
233507
2811
04:12
and like I said, you guys are doing a lot culturally,
74
236318
2879
04:15
you know, and it's amazing, and it helps change the image
75
239197
2578
04:17
of the Middle East in the West. Like a lot of Americans
76
241775
2586
04:20
don't know a lot about us, about the Middle East.
77
244361
2857
04:23
I'm Iranian and American. I'm there. I know, I've traveled here.
78
247218
3566
04:26
There's so much, we laugh, right?
79
250784
1848
04:28
People don't know we laugh. When I did the Axis of Evil comedy tour,
80
252632
2643
04:31
it came out on Comedy Central, I went online
81
255275
2203
04:33
to see what people were saying about it. I ended up on a conservative website.
82
257478
3323
04:36
One guy wrote another guy. He said, "I never knew these people laughed."
83
260801
4235
04:40
Think about it. You never see us laughing in American film or television, right?
84
265036
3420
04:44
Maybe like an evil -- like, "Wuhahaha, wuhahaha. (Laughter)
85
268456
4248
04:48
I will kill you in the name of Allah, wuhahahahaha."
86
272704
3503
04:52
But never like, "ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha."
87
276207
4341
04:56
We like to laugh. We like to celebrate life.
88
280548
2608
04:59
And I wish more Americans would travel here. I always encourage my friends:
89
283156
2980
05:02
Travel, see the Middle East, there's so much to see, so many good people.
90
286136
2776
05:04
And it's vice versa, and it helps stop problems
91
288912
3521
05:08
of misunderstanding and stereotypes from happening.
92
292433
3311
05:11
For example, I don't know if you heard about this,
93
295744
1875
05:13
a little while ago in the U.S. there was a Muslim family
94
297619
2733
05:16
walking down the aisle of an airplane
95
300352
2298
05:18
talking about the safest place to sit on the plane.
96
302650
2624
05:21
Some passengers overheard them, somehow misconstrued
97
305274
2392
05:23
that as terrorist talk, got them kicked off the plane.
98
307666
4407
05:27
It was a family, a mother, father, child, walking down the aisle,
99
312073
2426
05:30
talking about the seating. Now as a Middle Eastern male,
100
314499
2161
05:32
I know there's certain things I'm not supposed to say
101
316660
2149
05:34
on an airplane in the U.S., right?
102
318809
2421
05:37
I'm not supposed to be, like, walking down the aisle,
103
321230
1566
05:38
and be like, "Hi, Jack." You know, that's not cool.
104
322796
4111
05:42
Even if I'm there with my friend named Jack, I say,
105
326907
1780
05:44
"Greetings, Jack. Salutations, Jack."
106
328687
2653
05:47
Never "Hi, Jack."
107
331340
2137
05:49
(Laughter)
108
333477
2643
05:52
But now apparently we can't even talk about
109
336120
1935
05:53
the safest place to sit on an airplane.
110
338055
2736
05:56
So my advice to all my Middle Eastern friends and Muslim friends
111
340791
2537
05:59
and anyone who looks Middle Eastern or Muslim,
112
343328
1694
06:00
so to, you know, Indians, and Latinos, everyone,
113
345022
3477
06:04
if you're brown --
114
348499
2848
06:07
here's my advice to my brown friends.
115
351347
3363
06:10
The next time you're on an airplane in the U.S.,
116
354710
2393
06:13
just speak your mother tongue.
117
357103
1802
06:14
That way no one knows what you're saying. Life goes on.
118
358905
3386
06:18
Granted, some mother tongues might sound
119
362291
2056
06:20
a little threatening to the average American, right?
120
364347
2317
06:22
If you're walking down the aisle speaking Arabic,
121
366664
1460
06:24
you might freak them out, if you're walking, "[Arabic],"
122
368124
4529
06:28
they might say, "What's he talking about?"
123
372653
1982
06:30
So the key, to my Arab brothers and sisters,
124
374635
2036
06:32
you gotta throw in random good words to put people at ease
125
376671
2471
06:35
as you're walking down the aisle.
126
379142
1734
06:36
Just as you're walking down: "[Imitating Arabic] --
127
380876
2595
06:39
strawberry!"
128
383471
1463
06:40
(Laughter)
129
384934
7160
06:47
"[Imitating Arabic] -- rainbow!"
130
392094
5000
06:52
"[Imitating Arabic] -- Tutti Frutti!"
131
397094
2994
06:55
"I think he's going to hijack the plane with some ice cream."
132
400088
3342
06:59
Thank you very much. Have a good night.
133
403430
1660
07:00
Thank you, TED. (Cheers) (Applause)
134
405090
5124
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Maz Jobrani - ComedianA founding member of the Axis of Evil Comedy Tour, Iranian-American comedian Maz Jobrani is now touring with his second solo comedy show, Browner and Friendlier.
Why you should listen
Maz Jobrani is an actor and comedian who starred on the Axis of Evil Middle East Comedy Tour, a groundbreaking tour of the US and Middle Eastern countries, where it sold out 27 shows in Dubai, Beirut, Cairo, Kuwait and Amman. The Axis of Evil Comedy Central Special premiered in 2007 as, arguably, the first show on American TV with an all-Middle Eastern/American cast. In 2009 Jobrani performed in his first solo world tour, called Maz Jobrani: Brown and Friendly, and is currently following up this tour with a second, titled Browner and Friendlier.
Jobrani's comedy pulls from his background as an Iran-born kid raised in Northern California. He pokes fun at cultural stereotypes of all kinds -- starting with the stereotype that Middle Eastern actors can only play a few kinds of roles in Hollywood. He's been working to develop rich characters in a variety of TV shows and films. His next project: Jimmy Vestvood: Amerikan Hero, described as a cross between a Middle Eastern Pink Panther and Bend It Like Beckham.
Maz Jobrani | Speaker | TED.com