TEDWomen 2017
Luvvie Ajayi: Get comfortable with being uncomfortable
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Luvvie Ajayi isn't afraid to speak her mind or to be the one dissenting voice in a crowd, and neither should you. "Your silence serves no one," says the writer, activist and self-proclaimed professional troublemaker. In this bright, uplifting talk, Ajayi shares three questions to ask yourself if you're teetering on the edge of speaking up or quieting down -- and encourages all of us to get a little more comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Luvvie Ajayi - Creator
Luvvie Ajayi is an author, speaker and digital strategist who thrives at the intersection of comedy, technology and activism. Full bio
Luvvie Ajayi is an author, speaker and digital strategist who thrives at the intersection of comedy, technology and activism. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
I'm a professional troublemaker.
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(Laughter)
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As my job is to critique the world,
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the shoddy systems and the people
who refuse to do better,
who refuse to do better,
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as a writer, as a speaker,
as a shady Nigerian --
as a shady Nigerian --
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(Laughter)
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I feel like my purpose is to be this cat.
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(Laughter)
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I am the person
who is looking at other people,
who is looking at other people,
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like, "I need you to fix it."
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That is me.
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I want us to leave this world
better than we found it.
better than we found it.
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And how I choose to effect change
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is by speaking up,
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by being the first
and by being the domino.
and by being the domino.
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For a line of dominoes to fall,
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one has to fall first,
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which then leaves the other
choiceless to do the same.
choiceless to do the same.
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And that domino that falls,
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we're hoping that, OK,
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the next person that sees this
is inspired to be a domino.
is inspired to be a domino.
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01:12
Being the domino, for me,
looks like speaking up
looks like speaking up
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01:15
and doing the things
that are really difficult,
that are really difficult,
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especially when they are needed,
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with the hope that others
will follow suit.
will follow suit.
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And here's the thing:
I'm the person who says
I'm the person who says
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what you might be thinking
but dared not to say.
but dared not to say.
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A lot of times people think
that we're fearless,
that we're fearless,
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the people who do this, we're fearless.
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We're not fearless.
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We're not unafraid of the consequences
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or the sacrifices that we have to make
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by speaking truth to power.
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What happens is, we feel like we have to,
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because there are too few
people in the world
people in the world
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willing to be the domino,
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too few people willing to take that fall.
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We're not doing it without fear.
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Now, let's talk about fear.
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I knew exactly what I wanted
to be when I grew up.
to be when I grew up.
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I was like, "I'm going to be a doctor!"
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Doctor Luvvie was the dream.
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I was Doc McStuffins
before it was a thing.
before it was a thing.
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(Laughter)
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And I remember when I went to college,
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my freshman year,
I had to take Chemistry 101
I had to take Chemistry 101
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for my premed major.
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I got the first and last D
of my academic career.
of my academic career.
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(Laughter)
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So I went to my advisor, and I was like,
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"OK, let's drop the premed,
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because this doctor thing
is not going to work,
is not going to work,
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because I don't even like hospitals.
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So ..."
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(Laughter)
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"Let's just consider that done for."
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And that same semester,
I started blogging.
I started blogging.
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That was 2003.
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So as that one dream was ending,
another was beginning.
another was beginning.
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And then what was a cute hobby
became my full-time job
became my full-time job
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when I lost my marketing job in 2010.
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But it still took me two more years
to say, "I'm a writer."
to say, "I'm a writer."
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Nine years after I had started writing,
before I said, "I'm a writer,"
before I said, "I'm a writer,"
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because I was afraid of what happens
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without 401ks,
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without, "How am I going
to keep up my shoe habit?
to keep up my shoe habit?
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That's important to me."
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(Laughter)
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So it took me that long to own this thing
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that was what my purpose was.
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And then I realized,
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fear has a very concrete power
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of keeping us from doing and saying
the things that are our purpose.
the things that are our purpose.
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And I was like, "You know what?
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I'm not going to let fear rule my life.
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I'm not going to let fear
dictate what I do."
dictate what I do."
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And then all of these
awesome things started happening,
awesome things started happening,
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and dominoes started to fall.
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So when I realized that,
I was like, "OK, 2015,
I was like, "OK, 2015,
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I turned 30,
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it's going to be my year
of 'Do it anyway.'
of 'Do it anyway.'
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Anything that scares me,
I'm going to actively pursue it."
I'm going to actively pursue it."
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So, I'm a Capricorn.
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I like my feel solidly on the ground.
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I decided to take
my first-ever solo vacation,
my first-ever solo vacation,
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and it was out of the country
to the Dominican Republic.
to the Dominican Republic.
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So on my birthday, what did I do?
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I went ziplining through
the forests of Punta Cana.
the forests of Punta Cana.
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And for some odd reason,
I had on business casual.
I had on business casual.
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Don't ask why.
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(Laughter)
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And I had an incredible time.
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Also, I don't like being
submerged in water.
submerged in water.
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I like to be, again, on solid ground.
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So I went to Mexico
and swam with dolphins underwater.
and swam with dolphins underwater.
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And then the cool thing
that I did also that year
that I did also that year
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that was my mountain
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was I wrote my book,
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"I'm Judging You: The Do-Better Manual,"
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And I had to own --
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(Applause)
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that whole writing thing now, right?
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Yes.
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But the very anti-me thing
that I did that year
that I did that year
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that scared the crap out of me --
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I went skydiving.
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We're about to fall out of the plane.
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I was like, "I've done some stupid
things in life. This is one of them."
things in life. This is one of them."
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(Laughter)
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And then we come falling down to Earth,
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and I literally lose my breath
as I see Earth, and I was like,
as I see Earth, and I was like,
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"I just fell out of a perfectly good
plane on purpose."
plane on purpose."
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(Laughter)
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"What is wrong with me?!"
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But then I looked down at the beauty,
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and I was like, "This is
the best thing I could have done.
the best thing I could have done.
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This was an amazing decision."
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And I think about the times
when I have to speak truth.
when I have to speak truth.
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It feels like I am falling
out of that plane.
out of that plane.
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It feels like that moment
when I'm at the edge of the plane,
when I'm at the edge of the plane,
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and I'm like, "You shouldn't do this,"
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but then I do it anyway,
because I realize I have to.
because I realize I have to.
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Sitting at the edge of that plane
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and kind of staying on that plane
is comfort to me.
is comfort to me.
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And I feel like every day
that I'm speaking truth
that I'm speaking truth
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against institutions and people
who are bigger than me
who are bigger than me
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and just forces that are
more powerful than me,
more powerful than me,
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I feel like I'm falling out of that plane.
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But I realize comfort is overrated.
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Because being quiet is comfortable.
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Keeping things the way
they've been is comfortable.
they've been is comfortable.
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And all comfort has done
is maintain the status quo.
is maintain the status quo.
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So we've got to get comfortable
with being uncomfortable
with being uncomfortable
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by speaking these hard truths
when they're necessary.
when they're necessary.
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And I --
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(Applause)
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And for me, though, I realize
that I have to speak these truths,
that I have to speak these truths,
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because honesty is so important to me.
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My integrity is something I hold dear.
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Justice -- I don't think justice
should be an option.
should be an option.
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We should always have justice.
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Also, I believe in shea butter
as a core value, and --
as a core value, and --
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(Laughter)
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and I think the world would be better
if we were more moisturized.
if we were more moisturized.
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But besides that, with these
as my core values,
as my core values,
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I have to speak the truth.
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I have no other choice in the matter.
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But people like me,
the professional troublemakers,
the professional troublemakers,
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should not be the only ones who are
committed to being these dominoes
committed to being these dominoes
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who are always falling out of planes
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or being the first one to take this hit.
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People are so afraid
of these acute consequences,
of these acute consequences,
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not realizing that there are many times
when we walk in rooms
when we walk in rooms
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and we are some of the most
powerful people in those rooms --
powerful people in those rooms --
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we might be the second-most powerful,
third-most powerful.
third-most powerful.
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And I firmly believe
that our job in those times
that our job in those times
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is to disrupt what is happening.
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And then if we're not the most powerful,
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if two more of us band together,
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it makes us powerful.
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It's like cosigning
the woman in the meeting,
the woman in the meeting,
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you know, the woman
who can't seem to get her word out,
who can't seem to get her word out,
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or just making sure that other person
who can't make a point
who can't make a point
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is being heard.
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Our job is to make sure
they have room for that.
they have room for that.
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Everyone's well-being
is community business.
is community business.
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If we made that a point,
we're understand that,
we're understand that,
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for the times when we need help,
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we wouldn't have to look around so hard
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if we made sure
we were somebody else's help.
we were somebody else's help.
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And there are times when I feel like
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I have taken very public
tumbles and falls,
tumbles and falls,
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like the time when I was asked
to speak at a conference,
to speak at a conference,
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and they wanted me to pay my way there.
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And then I did some research
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and found out the white men
who spoke there got compensated
who spoke there got compensated
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and got their travel paid for.
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The white women who spoke there
got their travel paid for.
got their travel paid for.
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The black women who spoke there were
expected to actually pay to speak there.
expected to actually pay to speak there.
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And I was like, "What do I do?"
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And I knew that if I spoke up
about this publicly,
about this publicly,
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I could face financial loss.
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But then I also understood
that my silence serves no one.
that my silence serves no one.
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So I fearfully spoke up about it publicly,
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and other women started
coming out to talk about,
coming out to talk about,
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"I, too, have faced
this type of pay inequality."
this type of pay inequality."
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And it started a conversation
about discriminatory pay practices
about discriminatory pay practices
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that this conference was participating in.
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I felt like I was the domino
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the time I read a disturbing
memoir by a public figure
memoir by a public figure
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and wrote a piece about it.
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I knew this person was more powerful
than me and could impact my career,
than me and could impact my career,
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but I was like, "I've got to do this.
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I've got to sit at the edge of this plane,
maybe for two hours."
maybe for two hours."
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And I did. And I pressed
"Publish," and I ran away.
"Publish," and I ran away.
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(Laughter)
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And I came back to a viral post
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and people being like, "Oh my God,
I'm so glad somebody finally said this."
I'm so glad somebody finally said this."
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And it started a conversation
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about mental health and self-care,
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and I was like, "OK. Alright.
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This thing that I'm doing,
I guess, alright, it's doing something."
I guess, alright, it's doing something."
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And then so many people
have been the domino
have been the domino
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when they talk about how
they've been assaulted by powerful men.
they've been assaulted by powerful men.
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And it's made millions of women
join in and say, "Me Too."
join in and say, "Me Too."
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So, a shout-out to Tarana Burke
for igniting that movement.
for igniting that movement.
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(Applause)
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People and systems count on our silence
to keep us exactly where we are.
to keep us exactly where we are.
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Now, being the domino sometimes
comes down to being exactly who you are.
comes down to being exactly who you are.
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So, I've been a shady somebody
since I was three.
since I was three.
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(Laughter)
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This is me on my third birthday.
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But I've been this girl all my life,
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and I feel like
even that's been the domino,
even that's been the domino,
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because in a world
that wants us to walk around
that wants us to walk around
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as representatives of ourselves,
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being yourself can be a revolutionary act.
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And in a world that wants us to whisper,
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I choose to yell.
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(Applause)
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When it's time to say these hard things,
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I ask myself three things.
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One: Did you mean it?
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Two: Can you defend it?
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Three: Did you say it with love?
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If the answer is yes to all three,
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I say it and let the chips fall.
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That's important.
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That checkpoint with myself
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always tells me, "Yes,
you're supposed to do this."
you're supposed to do this."
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Telling the truth --
telling thoughtful truths --
telling thoughtful truths --
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should not be a revolutionary act.
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Speaking truths to power
should not be sacrificial, but they are.
should not be sacrificial, but they are.
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But I think if more of us chose
to do this for the greater good,
to do this for the greater good,
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we'd be in better spaces
than we are right now.
than we are right now.
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Speaking of the greater good,
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I think we commit ourselves
to telling truths to build bridges
to telling truths to build bridges
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to common ground,
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and bridges that aren't based
on truth will collapse.
on truth will collapse.
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So it is our job,
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it is our obligation, it is our duty
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to speak truth to power, to be the domino,
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not just when it's difficult --
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especially when it's difficult.
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Thank you.
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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Luvvie Ajayi - CreatorLuvvie Ajayi is an author, speaker and digital strategist who thrives at the intersection of comedy, technology and activism.
Why you should listen
A 14-year blogging veteran, Luvvie Ajayi is the voice behind the blog AwesomelyLuvvie.com, where she covers all things pop culture with razor-sharp commentary and wit. Her debut book, I'm Judging You: The Do Better Manual, was released in September 2016, and was an instant New York Times best-seller.
Ajayi is Executive Director and co-founder of The Red Pump Project, a national nonprofit that educates women and girls of color about HIV/AIDS. They’ve earned a Congressional Record from the U.S. House of Representatives and Resolutions by the Illinois State Senate as well as the City Council of Chicago. The University of Illinois alum is a sought-after speaker who has spoken at the Obama White House, MAKERS Conference, SXSW, Social Media Week, among others. She has interviewed bosses like Oprah Winfrey, Geena Davis and Shonda Rhimes. She also runs AwesomelyTechie.com, a site for writers, small business owners and everyday people looking to use technology to make their lives easier as an extension of her marketing expertise.
Ajayi was selected to Oprah Winfrey’s inaugural Supersoul 100 list, voted as the Influencer of the Year at the 2016 Iris Awards and was chosen as a 2015 Black Innovator by XFINITY Comcast. She is committed to using her voice for pop culture critique and gender and racial justice.
Luvvie Ajayi | Speaker | TED.com