TEDWomen 2010
Tony Porter: A call to men
トニー・ポーター：男達への提言
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TEDWomenで、トニー・ポーター氏は男性に向かってこう提言しています。「男らしく」振舞うのはやめなさい。自身の体験をもとに、成人男性や少年の多くの心に焼き付いているような「男らしい」振舞いをしようとすると、女性や他人に敬意を払わず、虐待したりののしったりしてしまうと言います。解決策は「男らしさ」という概念にとらわれないようにすることです。
Tony Porter - Author, educator, activist
Tony Porter is an educator and activist who is internationally recognized for his effort to end violence against women. Full bio
Tony Porter is an educator and activist who is internationally recognized for his effort to end violence against women. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:15
I grew up in New York City,
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私が育ったのはNY市の
00:18
between Harlem and the Bronx.
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ハーレムとブロンクスの間でした
00:20
Growing up as a boy, we were taught
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子供の頃 こう言われました
00:22
that men had to be tough, had to be strong,
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男たるものはタフで強く―
00:24
had to be courageous, dominating --
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勇敢で人の上に立ち
00:27
no pain, no emotions,
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痛みにも 動揺するなと言われた
00:29
with the exception of anger --
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持っていい感情は怒りだけ
00:31
and definitely no fear;
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恐れなど持つな
00:33
that men are in charge,
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男には責任があるが
00:35
which means women are not;
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女にはない
00:37
that men lead,
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世の中を引っ張るのは男だ
00:39
and you should just follow and do what we say;
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四の五の言わずついてこい
00:42
that men are superior; women are inferior;
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男性は優れていて 女性は劣っている
00:45
that men are strong; women are weak;
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男性は強く 女性は弱い
00:48
that women are of less value,
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女性は価値が低く
00:51
property of men,
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男性の付属品
00:53
and objects,
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道具です
00:55
particularly sexual objects.
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もっと言うと性的な対象だ
00:58
I've later come to know that to be
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のちに私は気付きました
01:01
the collective socialization of men,
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こうして男性は社会化され
01:04
better known
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「男らしさ」の枠に
01:06
as the "man box."
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閉じ込められるのです
01:08
See this man box has in it
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この箱の中には
01:10
all the ingredients
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よく言われているような
01:12
of how we define what it means to be a man.
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「男性らしさ」が入っています
01:14
Now I also want to say, without a doubt,
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ここで断言しておきますが
01:16
there are some wonderful, wonderful,
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男性でいることには
01:18
absolutely wonderful things
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とても素晴らしいことも
01:20
about being a man.
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もちろんあります
01:22
But at the same time,
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しかし同時に
01:24
there's some stuff
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もろに歪んでいる―
01:26
that's just straight up twisted,
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「男らしさ」もあります
01:28
and we really need to begin
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ですからこの場を借りて
01:30
to challenge, look at it
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この定義に疑問を投げかけ
01:32
and really get in the process
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「男らしさ」の要素を
01:34
of deconstructing, redefining,
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ひとつひとつ分解し
01:37
what we come to know as manhood.
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再定義してみようと思います
01:41
This is my two at home, Kendall and Jay.
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私の子供ケンダルとジェイ
01:43
They're 11 and 12.
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1２歳と1１歳の兄妹で
01:45
Kendall's 15 months older than Jay.
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年の差は15ヶ月
01:47
There was a period of time when my wife -- her name is Tammie -- and I,
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妻のタミーと私は共働きで
01:50
we just got real busy and whip, bam, boom:
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あくせく勤めていたら
01:52
Kendall and Jay.
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ケンダルとジェイが生まれました
01:54
(Laughter)
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（笑い）
01:56
And when they were about five and six,
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子供達がまだ5歳か6歳の
01:58
four and five,
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幼かったときは
02:00
Jay could come to me,
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ジェイが私のところに
02:02
come to me crying.
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泣きながらやってきたら
02:04
It didn't matter what she was crying about,
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理由が何であっても
02:06
she could get on my knee, she could snot my sleeve up,
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私は娘をひざに座らせて
02:08
just cry, cry it out.
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泣き止むのを待ち
02:10
Daddy's got you. That's all that's important.
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父として娘の傍にいました
02:13
Now Kendall on the other hand --
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しかしケンダルには違います
02:15
and like I said, he's only 15 months older than her --
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15ヶ月早く生まれただけですが
02:18
he'd come to me crying,
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彼が私のところに
02:20
it's like as soon as I would hear him cry,
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泣きながらやってくるのが分かると
02:22
a clock would go off.
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私はカウントを始めます
02:24
I would give the boy probably about 30 seconds,
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私のところに来るまでに
02:27
which means, by the time he got to me,
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30秒ほど間をおいてから
02:30
I was already saying things like, "Why are you crying?
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「どうしたんだ？
02:32
Hold your head up. Look at me.
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顔を上げて 私を見なさい
02:35
Explain to me what's wrong.
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理由を説明しなさい
02:37
Tell me what's wrong. I can't understand you.
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言わなければ分からないよ
02:39
Why are you crying?"
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何で泣いているんだ」と質問します
02:41
And out of my own frustration
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そして自分の息子を
02:43
of my role and responsibility
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「男らしく」育てるという
02:45
of building him up as a man
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父親としての責任を
02:47
to fit into these guidelines
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無理に果たそうとすると
02:49
and these structures that are defining this man box,
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だんだん腹が立ってきて
02:52
I would find myself saying things like,
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つい言ってしまうのです
02:54
"Just go in your room.
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「部屋に戻りなさい―
02:56
Just go on, go on in your room.
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いいから戻るんだ
02:58
Sit down,
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大人しく座って
03:00
get yourself together
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頭を冷やしてから
03:02
and come back and talk to me
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また話に来るときは
03:04
when you can talk to me like a --" what?
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もっと「何らしく」話しなさいと？
03:06
(Audience: Man.)
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（観客 「男らしく」）
03:08
Like a man.
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そうです
03:10
And he's five years old.
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息子はまだ5歳なのに
03:12
And as I grow in life,
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私も幼い頃は
03:14
I would say to myself,
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よく思いました
03:16
"My God, what's wrong with me?
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僕のどこがいけないんだろう
03:18
What am I doing? Why would I do this?"
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何でだろう と考えました
03:21
And I think back.
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息子をしかった時は
03:23
I think back to my father.
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父のことを思い出します
03:26
There was a time in my life
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私達の家族は
03:28
where we had a very troubled experience in our family.
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とても辛い経験をしました
03:31
My brother, Henry, he died tragically
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私がまだ10代のころ
03:33
when we were teenagers.
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兄弟のヘンリーが亡くなりました
03:35
We lived in New York City, as I said.
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当時私たち家族は
03:37
We lived in the Bronx at the time,
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ブロンクスに住んでいて
03:40
and the burial was in a place called Long Island,
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葬儀が行われたロングアイランドは
03:43
it was about two hours outside of the city.
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家から2時間ぐらい離れていました
03:46
And as we were preparing
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葬儀を終え
03:48
to come back from the burial,
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家に戻る準備をし
03:50
the cars stopped at the bathroom
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この先の長い道のりを考え
03:52
to let folks take care of themselves
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みんなにトイレを済ませてもらおうと
03:54
before the long ride back to the city.
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車を停めました
03:56
And the limousine empties out.
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母や姉妹などは
03:58
My mother, my sister, my auntie, they all get out,
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リムジンから降りましたが
04:00
but my father and I stayed in the limousine,
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父と私は残っていました
04:03
and no sooner than the women got out,
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女性達がその場を去ると
04:06
he burst out crying.
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突然父が泣き出しました
04:09
He didn't want cry in front of me,
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私に見られたくなかったでしょうが
04:11
but he knew he wasn't going to make it back to the city,
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このままでは帰り道に泣いてしまうと思ったのでしょう
04:14
and it was better me than to allow himself
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女達の前で悲しがるよりは
04:16
to express these feelings and emotions in front of the women.
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息子の前の方がましだと考える
04:19
And this is a man
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これが男性です
04:21
who, 10 minutes ago,
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ほんの10分前に
04:23
had just put his teenage son
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自分の息子を
04:25
in the ground --
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埋葬したばかり
04:27
something I just can't even imagine.
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私には考えられないことです
04:32
The thing that sticks with me the most
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一番心に残っているのは
04:34
is that he was apologizing to me
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私の前で泣いたのを
04:37
for crying in front of me,
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父が謝ったことです
04:39
and at the same time, he was also giving me props,
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そして両手を差し出して
04:42
lifting me up,
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私が泣かないように
04:44
for not crying.
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抱え上げてくれました
04:46
I come to also look at this
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このように男性は
04:49
as this fear that we have as men,
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「男性らしさ」の定義から
04:51
this fear that just has us paralyzed,
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外れる事を恐れるがために
04:53
holding us hostage
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泣きたい時も
04:55
to this man box.
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泣けないのです
04:57
I can remember speaking
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そういえば以前
04:59
to a 12-year-old boy, a football player,
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12歳のフットボール選手に
05:01
and I asked him, I said,
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聞いたことがあります
05:03
"How would you feel if,
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「君のことをコーチが
05:05
in front of all the players,
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チーム全員の前で
05:07
your coach told you you were playing like a girl?"
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女みたいと言ったらどう思う？」
05:10
Now I expected him to say something like,
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悲しいとか腹が立つと
05:12
I'd be sad; I'd be mad; I'd be angry, or something like that.
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答えると思っていたら
05:14
No, the boy said to me --
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その男の子は
05:16
the boy said to me,
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こう言ったのです
05:18
"It would destroy me."
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「生きて行けないよ」
05:21
And I said to myself,
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私はこう思いました
05:24
"God, if it would destroy him
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女呼ばわりされると
05:26
to be called a girl,
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男子は生きていけないのなら
05:28
what are we then teaching him
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男子にどうやって
05:31
about girls?"
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女子のこと教えられるでしょうか
05:34
(Applause)
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（拍手）
05:38
It took me back to a time
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私が12歳ぐらいのときは
05:40
when I was about 12 years old.
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どうだったでしょうか
05:43
I grew up in tenement buildings in the inner city.
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ブロンクスのスラム街近くの
05:46
At this time we're living in the Bronx,
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安アパートで暮らしていました
05:48
and in the building next to where I lived there was a guy named Johnny.
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隣に住むジョニーは
05:51
He was about 16 years old,
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16歳ぐらいでしたから
05:53
and we were all about 12 years old -- younger guys.
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私達は弟分でした
05:55
And he was hanging out with all us younger guys.
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よくみんなで遊んでいましたが
05:57
And this guy, he was up to a lot of no good.
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ジョニーは不良だったので
05:59
He was the kind of kid who parents would have to wonder,
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親達は心配していました
06:01
"What is this 16-year-old boy doing with these 12-year-old boys?"
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「どんな遊びをしているのだろう？」ってね
06:04
And he did spend a lot of time up to no good.
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悪さばかりしていたジョニーは
06:06
He was a troubled kid.
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問題児扱いでした
06:08
His mother had died from a heroin overdose.
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母親がヘロイン中毒で亡くなり
06:10
He was being raised by his grandmother.
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祖母に育てられたのです
06:12
His father wasn't on the set.
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父親はいません
06:14
His grandmother had two jobs.
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祖母はずっと仕事で
06:16
He was home alone a lot.
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ジョニーは家に一人ぼっち
06:18
But I've got to tell you, we young guys,
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でも私達の間では
06:20
we looked up to this dude, man.
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尊敬されていました
06:22
He was cool. He was fine.
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おしゃれで格好良いジョニーは
06:25
That's what the sisters said, "He was fine."
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女の子からもモテて
06:28
He was having sex.
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恋人もいたので
06:30
We all looked up to him.
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憧れの的でした
06:32
So one day, I'm out in front of the house doing something --
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ある日 家の外で
06:34
just playing around, doing something -- I don't know what.
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何かをして遊んでいると
06:37
He looks out his window; he calls me upstairs; he said, "Hey Anthony."
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ジョニーが部屋の窓から
06:39
They called me Anthony growing up as a kid.
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私のニックネームで
06:41
"Hey Anthony, come on upstairs."
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「アンソニー」と呼ぶのです
06:43
Johnny call, you go.
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来いと言われたので
06:45
So I run right upstairs.
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急いで上がって行くと
06:47
As he opens the door, he says to me, "Do you want some?"
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「お前もやるか」と聞かれました
06:50
Now I immediately knew what he meant.
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すぐに何か分かりました
06:52
Because for me growing up at that time,
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当時少年だった私の
06:54
and our relationship with this man box,
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「男らしい」行動を考えると
06:56
"Do you want some?" meant one of two things:
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「やるか？」と聞かれた場合
06:58
sex or drugs --
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セックスかドラックです
07:00
and we weren't doing drugs.
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ドラッグはやっていませんでした
07:02
Now my box, my card,
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すると
07:04
my man box card,
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私の「男らしさ」は
07:06
was immediately in jeopardy.
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窮地に立たされました
07:08
Two things: One, I never had sex.
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私はセックスも未経験だった
07:11
We don't talk about that as men.
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それは男同士で話しませんでした
07:13
You only tell your dearest, closest friend, sworn to secrecy for life,
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よほどの親友でなければ
07:16
the first time you had sex.
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初体験の話はしない
07:18
For everybody else, we go around like we've been having sex since we were two.
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君が初めてだよと言う人は
07:21
There ain't no first time.
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たいてい噓つきです
07:23
(Laughter)
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（笑い）
07:26
The other thing I couldn't tell him is that I didn't want any.
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しかし どちらも嫌と言うのも
07:28
That's even worse. We're supposed to always be on the prowl.
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男としては恥ずかしいことです
07:31
Women are objects,
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女はいつも男にとって
07:33
especially sexual objects.
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性的対象なのですから
07:35
Anyway, so I couldn't tell him any of that.
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私は迷っていました
07:37
So, like my mother would say, make a long story short,
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結局ジョニーには
07:39
I just simply said to Johnny, "Yes."
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「やるよ」とだけ言いました
07:41
He told me to go in his room.
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彼の部屋に行くと
07:43
I go in his room. On his bed is a girl from the neighborhood named Sheila.
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ベッドに近所のシェイラがいました
07:46
She's 16 years old.
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16歳の彼女は
07:48
She's nude.
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裸でした
07:50
She's what I know today to be mentally ill,
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当時は知らなかったのですが
07:52
higher-functioning at times than others.
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シェイラは知的障害があったのです
07:55
We had a whole choice of inappropriate names for her.
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彼女をひどく侮辱してから
07:59
Anyway, Johnny had just gotten through having sex with her.
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ジョニーはセックスをしました
08:02
Well actually, he raped her, but he would say he had sex with her.
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レイプに近い状況でしたが
08:05
Because, while Sheila never said no,
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シェイラは断らなかったと言うのです
08:08
she also never said yes.
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しかし許してもいません
08:10
So he was offering me the opportunity to do the same.
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そして私もやれと言うのです
08:12
So when I go in the room, I close the door.
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部屋に入ってドアを閉めると
08:15
Folks, I'm petrified.
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私は動けなくなりました
08:17
I stand with my back to the door so Johnny can't bust in the room
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そしてジョニーが入って来ないように
08:19
and see that I'm not doing anything,
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ドアを背中で押さえていました
08:21
and I stand there long enough that I could have actually done something.
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かなりの長い間何もしないで
08:24
So now I'm no longer trying to figure out what I'm going to do;
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ドアの所に立って考えていたのは
08:26
I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to get out of this room.
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どうやって部屋を出るかでした
08:29
So in my 12 years of wisdom,
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まだ12歳の私は
08:31
I zip my pants down,
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ズボンのチャックを下ろして
08:33
I walk out into the room,
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部屋を出たのです
08:35
and lo and behold to me,
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するとどうでしょう
08:37
while I was in the room with Sheila,
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シェイラと部屋にいた時
08:39
Johnny was back at the window calling guys up.
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ジョニーは仲間を呼んだらしく
08:42
So now there's a living room full of guys.
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リビングは人がたくさんいて
08:44
It was like the waiting room in the doctor's office.
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病院の待合室のようでした
08:47
And they asked me how was it,
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感想を聞かれたので
08:49
and I say to them, "It was good,"
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「よかった」と言っておきました
08:52
and I zip my pants up in front of them,
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それからチャックを上げて
08:54
and I head for the door.
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玄関に向かったのです
08:56
Now I say this all with remorse,
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今も後悔しています
08:58
and I was feeling a tremendous amount of remorse at that time,
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当時はもっと後悔していました
09:00
but I was conflicted, because, while I was feeling remorse, I was excited,
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嘘がバレなかったことは
09:03
because I didn't get caught.
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嬉しかったのですが
09:05
But I knew I felt bad about what was happening.
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悪いことをした気分でした
09:07
This fear, getting outside the man box,
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「男らしく」ないことをしたと
09:10
totally enveloped me.
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不安になりました
09:12
It was way more important to me,
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私にとって重要だったのは
09:14
about me and my man box card
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シェイラに対する事ではなく
09:17
than about Sheila
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私が「男らしく」ない行動を
09:19
and what was happening to her.
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してしまった事でした
09:21
See collectively, we as men
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男性は一般的に
09:23
are taught to have less value in women,
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女性を見下したがり
09:25
to view them as property and the objects of men.
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女性を男性の所有物と考えます
09:28
We see that as an equation that equals violence against women.
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それらが女性に対する暴力になるのです
09:31
We as men, good men,
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男性の大多数は
09:33
the large majority of men,
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とても賢い生き物だから
09:35
we operate on the foundation
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社会全体の根幹を
09:37
of this whole collective socialization.
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男性が支配しているなどど
09:39
We kind of see ourselves separate, but we're very much a part of it.
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人間を分けて考えるのが男性です
09:42
You see, we have to come to understand
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みなさんに分かって欲しいのは
09:45
that less value, property and objectification is the foundation
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女性に対する見下した態度が
09:48
and the violence can't happen without it.
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女性への暴力を生むことです
09:50
So we're very much a part of the solution
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問題を起こしている男性自身が
09:53
as well as the problem.
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その解決の鍵なのです
09:55
The center for disease control says
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疾病管理センターによると
09:57
that men's violence against women is at epidemic proportions,
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女性が男性からの暴力で
10:00
is the number one health concern for women
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健康を害する場合が多い事は
10:02
in this country and abroad.
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世界的な問題です
10:04
So quickly, I'd like to just say,
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愛する娘ジェイのために
10:07
this is the love of my life, my daughter Jay.
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言っておきたい事があります
10:10
The world I envision for her --
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男性がどう行動すれば
10:12
how do I want men to be acting and behaving?
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娘が安心できるのでしょうか
10:14
I need you on board. I need you with me.
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みなさんも私と一緒に
10:16
I need you working with me and me working with you
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息子達をどう育てればいいのか
10:19
on how we raise our sons
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ぜひ考えて下さい
10:21
and teach them to be men --
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そして「男らしく」あるには
10:23
that it's okay to not be dominating,
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威圧的でなくてもよく
10:25
that it's okay to have feelings and emotions,
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感情的であってもよく
10:28
that it's okay to promote equality,
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男女平等の考えで
10:30
that it's okay to have women who are just friends and that's it,
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女性と付き合っても良いと
10:33
that it's okay to be whole,
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息子に教えるのです
10:35
that my liberation as a man
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私が男性として自由になれば
10:38
is tied to your liberation as a woman. (Applause)
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あなたも女性として自由になれます
10:41
I remember asking a nine-year-old boy,
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私はかつて9歳の息子に
10:44
I asked a nine-year-old boy,
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こう尋ねたことがあります
10:47
"What would life be like for you,
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「男らしさにこだわらずに
10:49
if you didn't have to adhere to this man box?"
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生きていいとしたら？」
10:51
He said to me, "I would be free."
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息子は「自由になれる」と言いました
10:53
Thank you folks.
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ありがとう
10:55
(Applause)
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（拍手）
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Tony Porter - Author, educator, activistTony Porter is an educator and activist who is internationally recognized for his effort to end violence against women.
Why you should listen
Tony Porter is an author, educator and activist working to advance social justice issues. As the co-founder of A CALL TO MEN, Tony is internationally recognized for his efforts to prevent violence against women while promoting a healthy, respectful manhood. Tony’s 2010 TED Talk has been named by GQ Magazine as one of the “Top 10 TED Talks Every Man Should See.”
Tony is an adviser to the National Football League, National Basketball Association, National Hockey League and Major League Baseball, providing policy consultation, working extensively with player engagement, and facilitating violence prevention and healthy manhood training.
He is an international lecturer for the U.S. State Department, having extensive global experience to include Brazil, India and Africa, and has been a guest presenter to the United Nations Commission on the Status of Women. Tony has worked with the United States Military Academy at West Point and the United States Naval Academy at Annapolis.
He is sought after for his in-depth understanding of the collective socialization of men, and has served as a script consultant for the Emmy Award-winning television series “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.”
Tony is the author of Breaking Out of the Man Box and the visionary for NFL Dads: Dedicated to Daughters.
Tony Porter | Speaker | TED.com