TEDxIndianaUniversity
Alyssa Monks: How loss helped one artist find beauty in imperfection
Alisa Monksa: Kā zaudējums palīdzēja māksliniecei rast skaisto nepilnīgajā
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Gleznotāja Alisa Monksa rod skaistumu un iedvesmu nezināmajā, neparedzamajā un pat traģiskajā. Šajā poētiskajā, personiskajā runā viņa stāsta par dzīves, krāsu un audekla mijiedarbību, viņai pilnveidojoties kā māksliniecei un cilvēciskai būtnei.
Alyssa Monks - Painter
Alyssa Monks transfers the intimacy and vulnerability of human experience onto a painted surface. Full bio
Alyssa Monks transfers the intimacy and vulnerability of human experience onto a painted surface. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
I'm a painter.
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Es esmu gleznotāja.
00:14
I make large-scale figurative paintings,
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Es radu lielizmēra figuratīvas gleznas –
00:16
which means I paint people
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es gleznoju cilvēkus –
00:18
like this.
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lūk, šādi.
00:20
But I'm here tonight to tell you
about something personal
about something personal
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Šovakar es vēlos
jums pastāstīt ko personīgu,
jums pastāstīt ko personīgu,
00:23
that changed my work and my perspective.
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kas izmainīja manu darbu un skatījumu.
00:27
It's something we all go through,
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Mēs visi to piedzīvojam,
00:29
and my hope is that my experience
may be helpful to somebody.
may be helpful to somebody.
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un es ceru, ka mana pieredze
kādam noderēs.
kādam noderēs.
00:34
To give you some background on me,
I grew up the youngest of eight.
I grew up the youngest of eight.
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Nedaudz par mani –
esmu jaunākā no astoņiem bērniem.
esmu jaunākā no astoņiem bērniem.
00:38
Yes, eight kids in my family.
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Jā, manā ģimenē ir astoņi bērni.
00:40
I have six older brothers and a sister.
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Man ir seši vecāki brāļi un māsa.
00:42
To give you a sense of what that's like,
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Lai jūs saprastu, kā tas ir –
00:45
when my family went on vacation,
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kad mana ģimene devās brīvdienās,
00:47
we had a bus.
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mēs braucām ar savu autobusu.
00:49
(Laughter)
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(Smiekli)
00:52
My supermom would drive us all over town
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Mana supermamma vadāja mūs pa visu pilsētu
00:55
to our various after-school activities --
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uz dažādām pēcstundu nodarbībām,
00:58
not in the bus.
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bet ne autobusā.
01:00
We had a regular car, too.
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Mums bija arī parasta automašīna.
01:03
She would take me to art classes,
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Viņa veda mani uz mākslas nodarbībām,
01:05
and not just one or two.
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un ne jau vienu vai divām.
01:07
She took me to every available art class
from when I was eight to 16,
from when I was eight to 16,
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No 8 līdz 16 gadu vecumam viņa mani veda
uz visām pieejamām mākslas nodarbībām,
uz visām pieejamām mākslas nodarbībām,
01:12
because that's all I wanted to do.
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jo tas bija vienīgais, ko vēlējos.
01:14
She even took a class with me
in New York City.
in New York City.
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Viņa pat kopā ar mani
apmeklēja nodarbību Ņujorkā.
apmeklēja nodarbību Ņujorkā.
01:18
Now, being the youngest of eight,
I learned a few survival skills.
I learned a few survival skills.
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Esot jaunākā no astoņiem bērniem,
es apguvu dažas izdzīvošanas prasmes.
es apguvu dažas izdzīvošanas prasmes.
01:21
Rule number one:
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Pirmais noteikums –
01:23
don't let your big brother
see you do anything stupid.
see you do anything stupid.
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uzmanies, lai tavs lielais brālis
neredz, kā dari ko stulbu!
neredz, kā dari ko stulbu!
01:27
So I learned to be quiet and neat
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Tāpēc es iemācījos būt klusa un kārtīga,
01:30
and careful to follow the rules
and stay in line.
and stay in line.
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kā arī ievērot noteikumus un būt saticīga.
01:33
But painting was where I made the rules.
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Savukārt gleznojot
es pati radīju noteikumus.
es pati radīju noteikumus.
01:36
That was my private world.
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Tā bija mana privātā pasaule.
01:39
By 14, I knew I really wanted
to be an artist.
to be an artist.
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14 gadu vecumā es zināju,
ka patiešām vēlos būt māksliniece.
ka patiešām vēlos būt māksliniece.
01:43
My big plan was to be a waitress
to support my painting.
to support my painting.
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Mans plāns bija strādāt par viesmīli,
lai uzturētu sevi gleznojot.
lai uzturētu sevi gleznojot.
01:48
So I continued honing my skills.
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Es turpināju pilnveidot savas prasmes.
01:50
I went to graduate school
and I got an MFA,
and I got an MFA,
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Augstskolā ieguvu
maģistra grādu tēlotājmākslā,
maģistra grādu tēlotājmākslā,
01:52
and at my first solo show,
my brother asked me,
my brother asked me,
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un manā pirmajā soloizstādē
mans brālis pajautāja:
mans brālis pajautāja:
01:55
"What do all these red dots
mean next to the paintings?"
mean next to the paintings?"
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„Ko nozīmē tie sarkanie punkti
blakus gleznām?”
blakus gleznām?”
01:58
Nobody was more surprised than me.
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Neviens nebija tik pārsteigts kā es.
02:01
The red dots meant
that the paintings were sold
that the paintings were sold
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Sarkanie punkti nozīmēja,
ka gleznas bija pārdotas
ka gleznas bija pārdotas
02:04
and that I'd be able to pay my rent
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un es varēšu samaksāt par īri –
02:06
with painting.
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ar gleznošanu!
02:08
Now, my apartment
had four electrical outlets,
had four electrical outlets,
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Manā dzīvoklī bija tikai četras rozetes,
02:11
and I couldn't use a microwave
and a toaster at the same time,
and a toaster at the same time,
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un es nevarēju vienlaikus izmantot
tosteri un mikroviļņu krāsni,
tosteri un mikroviļņu krāsni,
02:14
but still, I could pay my rent.
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tomēr es varēju samaksāt par īri.
02:17
So I was very happy.
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Es biju ļoti laimīga.
02:20
Here's a painting
from back around that time.
from back around that time.
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Lūk, glezna no tā laika.
02:23
I needed it to be
as realistic as possible.
as realistic as possible.
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Tai bija jāizskatās maksimāli reālistiski.
02:25
It had to be specific and believable.
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Tai bija jāizskatās konkrētai un ticamai.
02:29
This was the place where I was
isolated and in total control.
isolated and in total control.
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Šeit es biju savrup
un visu pilnībā kontrolēju.
un visu pilnībā kontrolēju.
02:35
Since then, I've made a career
of painting people in water.
of painting people in water.
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Kopš tā laika es gleznoju cilvēkus ūdenī.
02:39
Bathtubs and showers were
the perfect enclosed environment.
the perfect enclosed environment.
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Vannas un duškabīnes
bija ideāla noslēgta vide.
bija ideāla noslēgta vide.
02:43
It was intimate and private,
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Tā bija intīma un privāta,
02:45
and water was this complicated challenge
that kept me busy for a decade.
that kept me busy for a decade.
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un ūdens bija sarežģīts izaicinājums,
kas mani nodarbināja desmit gadus.
kas mani nodarbināja desmit gadus.
02:49
I made about 200 of these paintings,
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Es radīju aptuveni 200 šādas gleznas,
02:52
some of them six to eight feet,
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dažas bija 1,8 – 2,4 metrus augstas,
02:54
like this one.
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piemēram, šī.
02:56
For this painting, I mixed flour in
with the bathwater to make it cloudy
with the bathwater to make it cloudy
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Šai gleznai es sajaucu vannas ūdeni
ar miltiem, lai radītu duļķainību,
ar miltiem, lai radītu duļķainību,
03:00
and I floated cooking oil on the surface
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uzlēju pa virsu cepamo eļļu
03:03
and stuck a girl in it,
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un iesēdināju tur meiteni.
03:05
and when I lit it up,
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Kad es to izgaismoju,
03:06
it was so beautiful
I couldn't wait to paint it.
I couldn't wait to paint it.
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tas bija tik skaists, ka nevarēju vien
sagaidīt, kad tikšu pie gleznošanas.
sagaidīt, kad tikšu pie gleznošanas.
03:10
I was driven by this
kind of impulsive curiosity,
kind of impulsive curiosity,
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Mani virzīja tāda kā impulsīva ziņkārība,
03:14
always looking for something new to add:
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es vienmēr meklēju, ko jaunu pievienot –
03:16
vinyl, steam, glass.
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vinilu, tvaiku, stiklu.
03:19
I once put all this Vaseline
in my head and hair
in my head and hair
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Reiz es ieziedu sev galvu
un matus ar vazelīnu,
un matus ar vazelīnu,
03:22
just to see what that would look like.
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lai redzētu, kā tas izskatīsies.
03:25
Don't do that.
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Nedariet tā!
03:26
(Laughter)
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(Smiekli)
03:30
So it was going well.
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Man veicās labi.
03:31
I was finding my way.
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Es meklēju savu ceļu.
03:33
I was eager and motivated
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Biju apņēmības pilna un motivēta,
03:35
and surrounded by artists,
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man apkārt bija mākslinieki,
03:37
always going to openings and events.
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allaž devos uz atklāšanām un pasākumiem.
03:40
I was having some success and recognition
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Es baudīju zināmus panākumus un atzinību
03:43
and I moved into an apartment
with more than four outlets.
with more than four outlets.
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un pārvācos uz dzīvokli
ar vairāk nekā četrām rozetēm.
ar vairāk nekā četrām rozetēm.
03:48
My mom and I would stay up very late
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Mana mamma un es
ļoti vēlu bijām nomodā,
ļoti vēlu bijām nomodā,
03:50
talking about our latest ideas
and inspiring each other.
and inspiring each other.
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apspriežot savas jaunākās idejas
un viena otru iedvesmojot.
un viena otru iedvesmojot.
03:53
She made beautiful pottery.
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Viņa veidoja skaistus māla traukus.
03:56
I have a friend named Bo
who made this painting
who made this painting
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Man ir draugs vārdā Bo,
kurš uzgleznoja
kurš uzgleznoja
03:59
of his wife and I dancing by the ocean,
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savu sievu un mani dejojam pie okeāna,
04:01
and he called it "The Light Years."
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un viņš to nosauca „Gaismas gadi”.
04:03
I asked him what that meant, and he said,
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Es jautāju, ko viņš ar to domā,
un viņš teica:
un viņš teica:
04:06
"Well, that's when you've stepped
into adulthood, you're no longer a child,
into adulthood, you're no longer a child,
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„Tas ir tad, kad esi kļuvis pieaudzis,
vairs neesi bērns,
vairs neesi bērns,
04:10
but you're not yet weighed down
by the responsibilities of life."
by the responsibilities of life."
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bet tevi vēl nenomāc pienākumu nasta.”
04:15
That was it. It was the light years.
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Tā arī bija. Tie bija gaismas gadi.
04:18
On October 8, 2011,
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2011. gada 8. oktobrī
04:20
the light years came to an end.
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gaismas gadiem pienāca gals.
04:22
My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer.
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Manai mammai diagnosticēja plaušu vēzi.
04:27
It had spread to her bones,
and it was in her brain.
and it was in her brain.
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Tas bija izplatījies kaulos un smadzenēs.
04:30
When she told me this, I fell to my knees.
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Kad viņa man to pateica, es noslīgu ceļos.
04:32
I totally lost it.
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Es biju pilnībā satriekta.
04:35
And when I got myself together
and I looked at her,
and I looked at her,
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Kad saņēmos un paskatījos uz mammu,
es sapratu – nav runa par mani.
04:38
I realized, this isn't about me.
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04:39
This is about figuring out
how to help her.
how to help her.
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Jāizdomā, kā palīdzēt viņai.
04:43
My father is a doctor,
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Mans tēvs ir ārsts,
04:44
and so we had a great advantage
having him in charge,
having him in charge,
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tāpēc mums bija milzu priekšrocība –
viņš uzņēmās vadību
viņš uzņēmās vadību
04:48
and he did a beautiful job
taking care of her.
taking care of her.
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un lieliski rūpējās par mammu.
04:50
But I, too, wanted to do
everything I could to help,
everything I could to help,
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Arī es vēlējos darīt
visu iespējamo, lai palīdzētu,
visu iespējamo, lai palīdzētu,
04:53
so I wanted to try everything.
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tāpēc gribēju izmēģināt visu.
04:56
We all did.
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Mēs visi to darījām.
04:57
I researched alternative medicines,
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Es pētīju alternatīvās zāles,
04:59
diets, juicing, acupuncture.
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uztura režīmus, sulas, akupunktūru.
05:03
Finally, I asked her,
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Beidzot es mammai pajautāju:
05:05
"Is this what you want me to do?"
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„Vai tu vēlies, lai es to daru?”
05:07
And she said, "No."
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Viņa atbildēja: „Nē.”
05:09
She said, "Pace yourself.
I'm going to need you later."
I'm going to need you later."
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Viņa teica: „Nesteidzies,
man tevi vajadzēs vēlāk.”
man tevi vajadzēs vēlāk.”
05:16
She knew what was happening,
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Mamma zināja, kas notiek,
05:17
and she knew what the doctors
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un viņa zināja to, ko nezināja ārsti,
speciālisti un internets –
speciālisti un internets –
05:19
and the experts
and the internet didn't know:
and the internet didn't know:
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05:21
how she wanted to go through this.
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kā viņa vēlējas to piedzīvot.
05:24
I just needed to ask her.
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Man tikai bija jāpajautā.
05:27
I realized that if I tried to fix it,
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Es sapratu, ka, cenšoties to atrisināt,
05:29
I would miss it.
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es visu palaidīšu garām.
05:32
So I just started to be with her,
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Es sāku vienkārši būt viņai līdzās,
05:34
whatever that meant
and whatever situation came up,
and whatever situation came up,
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lai ko tas nozīmētu
un lai kāda būtu situācija,
un lai kāda būtu situācija,
05:37
just really listen to her.
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es viņā tiešām ieklausījos.
05:40
If before I was resisting,
then now I was surrendering,
then now I was surrendering,
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Iepriekš es pretojos,
bet tagad es padevos,
bet tagad es padevos,
05:45
giving up trying to control
the uncontrollable
the uncontrollable
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necenšoties kontrolēt nekontrolējamo
05:47
and just being there in it with her.
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un vienkārši esot tajā kopā ar viņu.
05:51
Time slowed down,
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Laiks ritēja lēnāk,
05:53
and the date was irrelevant.
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un datums nebija svarīgs.
05:57
We developed a routine.
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Mēs izveidojām dienaskārtību.
05:59
Early each morning I would crawl
into bed with her and sleep with her.
into bed with her and sleep with her.
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Es ik rītu agri iekāpu pie viņas gultā
un gulēju blakus.
un gulēju blakus.
06:03
My brother would come for breakfast
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Mans brālis ieradās uz brokastīm,
06:04
and we'd be so glad to hear
his car coming up the driveway.
his car coming up the driveway.
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un mēs priecājāmies, dzirdot
viņa mašīnu piebraucam.
viņa mašīnu piebraucam.
06:07
So I'd help her up and take both her hands
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Es palīdzēju mammai piecelties,
saņēmu aiz abām rokām
saņēmu aiz abām rokām
06:11
and help her walk to the kitchen.
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un palīdzēju aiziet uz virtuvi.
06:13
She had this huge mug she made
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Mammai bija milzīga paštaisīta krūze,
06:17
she loved to drink her coffee out of,
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no kuras viņai patika dzert kafiju,
06:19
and she loved Irish soda bread
for breakfast.
for breakfast.
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un viņai patika brokastīs ēst
īru sodas maizi.
īru sodas maizi.
06:23
Afterwards was the shower,
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Pēc tam mamma gāja dušā,
06:25
and she loved this part.
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un tas viņai ļoti patika.
06:26
She loved the warm water,
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Viņai patika siltais ūdens,
06:27
so I made this as indulgent as I could,
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tāpēc es šo procesu padarīju
pēc iespējas lutinošāku,
pēc iespējas lutinošāku,
06:31
like a spa.
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kā SPA.
06:33
My sister would help sometimes.
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Mana māsa reizēm palīdzēja.
06:35
We had warm towels
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Mēs uzreiz sagatavojām
siltus dvieļus un čības,
siltus dvieļus un čības,
06:37
and slippers ready immediately
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06:39
so she never got cold for a second.
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lai mammai ne mirkli nebūtu auksti.
06:42
I'd blow-dry her hair.
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Es izžāvēju viņai matus.
06:45
My brothers would come in the evenings
and bring their kids,
and bring their kids,
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Vakaros ieradās brāļi ar bērniem –
06:48
and that was the highlight of her day.
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tas viņai bija dienas jaukākais brīdis.
06:51
Over time, we started to use a wheelchair,
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Ar laiku mēs sākām izmantot ratiņkrēslu,
06:54
and she didn't want to eat so much,
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mamma vairs tik ļoti negribēja ēst,
06:55
and she used the tiniest little teacup
we could find to drink her coffee.
we could find to drink her coffee.
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un viņa dzēra kafiju
no mazākās atrodamās tasītes.
no mazākās atrodamās tasītes.
07:03
I couldn't support her myself anymore,
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Es pati vairs nevarēju viņu atbalstīt,
07:05
so we hired an aide
to help me with the showers.
to help me with the showers.
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tāpēc mēs nolīgām asistenti,
kas palīdzēja ar dušu.
kas palīdzēja ar dušu.
07:08
These simple daily activities
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Šīs vienkāršās ikdienas darbības
07:11
became our sacred ritual,
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kļuva par mūsu svēto rituālu,
07:13
and we repeated them day after day
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un mēs tās atkārtojām dienu no dienas,
07:15
as the cancer grew.
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kamēr vēzis izplatījās.
07:17
It was humbling and painful
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Tas mācīja pazemību un bija sāpīgi,
07:19
and exactly where I wanted to be.
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un es biju tieši tur, kur vēlējos būt.
07:24
We called this time "the beautiful awful."
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Šo laiku mēs dēvējām
par „skaisti briesmīgo”.
par „skaisti briesmīgo”.
07:28
She died on October 26, 2012.
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Viņa nomira 2012. gada 26. oktobrī.
07:32
It was a year and three weeks
after her diagnosis.
after her diagnosis.
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Tas notika gadu un trīs nedēļas
pēc diagnozes uzstādīšanas.
pēc diagnozes uzstādīšanas.
07:36
She was gone.
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Viņas vairs nebija.
07:41
My brothers, sister, and father and I
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Mani brāļi, māsa, tēvs un es
07:43
all came together in this
supportive and attentive way.
supportive and attentive way.
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sanācām kopā, lai sniegtu
viens otram atbalstu un uzmanību.
viens otram atbalstu un uzmanību.
07:47
It was as though our whole family dynamic
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Radās sajūta, it kā mūsu ģimenes dinamika
07:49
and all our established roles vanished
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un visas mūsu lomas būtu izgaisušas,
07:51
and we were just
all together in this unknown,
all together in this unknown,
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un mēs bijām visi kopā nezināmajā
07:54
feeling the same thing
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ar tām pašām sajūtām
07:56
and taking care of each other.
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un rūpējoties viens par otru.
07:59
I'm so grateful for them.
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Es esmu tik pateicīga, ka viņi man ir.
08:05
As someone who spends most
of my time alone in a studio working,
of my time alone in a studio working,
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Lielāko daļu laika es pavadu viena,
strādājot studijā,
strādājot studijā,
08:08
I had no idea that this kind of connection
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un man nebija ne jausmas, ka šāda saikne
08:11
could be so important, so healing.
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varētu būt tik nozīmīga, tik dziedējoša.
08:14
This was the most important thing.
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Tas bija galvenais.
08:18
It was what I always wanted.
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Es to vienmēr biju vēlējusies.
08:21
So after the funeral, it was time
for me to go back to my studio.
for me to go back to my studio.
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Pēc bērēm man bija jāatgriežas studijā.
08:27
So I packed up my car
and I drove back to Brooklyn,
and I drove back to Brooklyn,
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Es saliku visu mašīnā
un braucu atpakaļ uz Bruklinu,
un braucu atpakaļ uz Bruklinu,
08:30
and painting is what I've always done,
so that's what I did.
so that's what I did.
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kur darīju to, ko vienmēr – gleznoju.
08:34
And here's what happened.
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Un notika, lūk, kas.
08:39
It's like a release of everything
that was unraveling in me.
that was unraveling in me.
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Atklājās viss manī apslēptais.
08:45
That safe, very, very carefully
rendered safe place
rendered safe place
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Šī drošība, ļoti rūpīgi uzturētā drošība,
08:50
that I created in all my other paintings,
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ko radīju savās pārējās gleznās,
08:53
it was a myth.
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bija vien mīts.
08:55
It didn't work.
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Tas nedarbojās.
08:57
And I was afraid, because
I didn't want to paint anymore.
I didn't want to paint anymore.
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Man bija bail,
jo es vairs nevēlējos gleznot.
jo es vairs nevēlējos gleznot.
09:03
So I went into the woods.
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Es devos uz mežu.
09:04
I thought, I'll try that, going outside.
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Es domāju, ka man jāmēģina iziet ārā.
09:08
I got my paints,
and I wasn't a landscape painter,
and I wasn't a landscape painter,
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Es paņēmu krāsas,
lai gan negleznoju ainavas,
lai gan negleznoju ainavas,
09:12
but I wasn't really
much of any kind of painter at all,
much of any kind of painter at all,
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bet patiesībā es vispār
negleznoju neko konkrētu,
negleznoju neko konkrētu,
09:14
so I had no attachment, no expectation,
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tāpēc man nebija
nekādas piesaistes, nekādu gaidu,
nekādas piesaistes, nekādu gaidu,
09:17
which allowed me to be reckless and free.
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tāpēc varēju būt vieglprātīga un brīva.
09:20
I actually left one of these wet paintings
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Vienu no nenožuvušajām gleznām
es patiesībā atstāju pa nakti ārā,
es patiesībā atstāju pa nakti ārā,
09:22
outside overnight
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09:25
next to a light in the woods.
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blakus gaismai mežā.
09:28
By the morning it was lacquered with bugs.
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No rīta tā bija pārklāta ar kukaiņiem.
09:32
But I didn't care.
It didn't matter. It didn't matter.
It didn't matter. It didn't matter.
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Man bija vienalga. Tam nebija nozīmes.
09:35
I took all these paintings
back to my studio,
back to my studio,
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Es nogādāju visas šīs gleznas
atpakaļ studijā,
atpakaļ studijā,
09:37
and scraped them, and carved into them,
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es tās skrāpēju, šur tur iegriezu,
09:40
and poured paint thinner on them,
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uzlēju uz tām krāsas šķīdinātāju,
09:42
put more paint on top, drew on them.
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uzklāju pa virsu vēl krāsu, zīmēju uz tām.
09:45
I had no plan,
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Man nebija nekāda plāna,
09:47
but I was watching what was happening.
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bet es vēroju notiekošo.
09:50
This is the one with all the bugs in it.
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Šī ir glezna ar kukaiņiem.
09:53
I wasn't trying to represent a real space.
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Es necentos attēlot faktisku telpu.
09:56
It was the chaos and the imperfections
that were fascinating me,
that were fascinating me,
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Mani fascinēja haoss un nepilnības,
10:00
and something started to happen.
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un ar mani kaut kas notika.
10:03
I got curious again.
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Es atguvu ziņkāri.
10:06
This is another one from the woods.
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Lūk, vēl viens no meža darbiem.
10:10
There was a caveat now, though.
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Tomēr tam bija savi ierobežojumi.
10:12
I couldn't be controlling
the paint like I used to.
the paint like I used to.
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Es nevarēju kontrolēt krāsas,
kā to darīju iepriekš.
kā to darīju iepriekš.
10:15
It had to be about implying
and suggesting,
and suggesting,
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Maniem darbiem bija jābūt
interpretējamiem un jārosina idejas,
interpretējamiem un jārosina idejas,
10:18
not explaining or describing.
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nevis skaidrojošiem vai aprakstošiem.
10:21
And that imperfect,
chaotic, turbulent surface
chaotic, turbulent surface
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Tieši šī nepilnīgā, haotiskā,
nevaldāmā virsma
nevaldāmā virsma
10:26
is what told the story.
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veidoja stāstu.
10:30
I started to be as curious
as I was when I was a student.
as I was when I was a student.
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Es kļuvu tikpat ziņkārīga kā tad,
kad biju studente.
kad biju studente.
10:34
So the next thing was I wanted
to put figures in these paintings, people,
to put figures in these paintings, people,
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Pēc tam es vēlējos ieviest
šajās gleznās tēlus, cilvēkus,
šajās gleznās tēlus, cilvēkus,
10:38
and I loved this new environment,
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un man patika šī jaunā vide,
10:39
so I wanted to have
both people and this atmosphere.
both people and this atmosphere.
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tāpēc es vēlējos ietvert gan cilvēkus,
gan šo atmosfēru.
gan šo atmosfēru.
10:45
When the idea hit me of how to do this,
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Kad man radās ideja, kā to izdarīt,
10:47
I got kind of nauseous and dizzy,
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man uznāca neliels nelabums un reibonis,
10:50
which is really just adrenaline, probably,
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kas droši vien ir vienkārši adrenalīns,
10:53
but for me it's a really good sign.
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bet es to uzskatu par patiešām labu zīmi.
10:56
And so now I want to show you
what I've been working on.
what I've been working on.
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Tagad vēlos jums parādīt,
pie kā es strādāju.
pie kā es strādāju.
10:59
It's something I haven't shown yet,
and it's like a preview, I guess,
and it's like a preview, I guess,
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Es to vēl nekur neesmu rādījusi,
tāpēc tas droši vien ir kā ieskats
tāpēc tas droši vien ir kā ieskats
11:03
of my upcoming show,
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manā topošajā izstādē,
11:05
what I have so far.
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kas parāda manu veikumu.
11:08
Expansive space
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Plaša telpa,
11:11
instead of the isolated bathtub.
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nevis izolēta vanna.
11:13
I'm going outside instead of inside.
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Es dodos ārā, nevis iekšā.
11:17
Loosening control,
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Samazinu kontroli,
11:19
savoring the imperfections,
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izbaudu nepilnības,
11:21
allowing the --
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pieļauju...
11:24
allowing the imperfections.
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pieļauju nepilnības.
11:27
And in that imperfection,
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Šajās nepilnībās
11:29
you can find a vulnerability.
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rodama ievainojamība.
11:31
I could feel my deepest intention,
what matters most to me,
what matters most to me,
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Es sajutu savas kvēlākās vēlmes,
to, kas man visvairāk rūp,
to, kas man visvairāk rūp,
11:38
that human connection
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šo cilvēcisko saikni,
11:40
that can happen in a space
where there's no resisting or controlling.
where there's no resisting or controlling.
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kas ir iespējama telpā,
kur nav pretošanās un kontroles.
kur nav pretošanās un kontroles.
11:45
I want to make paintings about that.
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Es vēlos to parādīt savās gleznās.
11:50
So here's what I learned.
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Lūk, ko es sapratu.
11:53
We're all going to have
big losses in our lives,
big losses in our lives,
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Mums visiem dzīvē būs lieli zaudējumi,
11:57
maybe a job or a career,
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varbūt tas būs darbs vai karjera,
11:59
relationships, love, our youth.
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attiecības, mīlestība vai jaunība.
12:03
We're going to lose our health,
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Mēs zaudēsim savu veselību,
12:05
people we love.
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cilvēkus, ko mīlam.
12:08
These kinds of losses
are out of our control.
are out of our control.
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Mēs nevaram kontrolēt šādus zaudējumus.
12:10
They're unpredictable,
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Tie ir neparedzami,
12:12
and they bring us to our knees.
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un tie liek mums noslīgt ceļos.
12:15
And so I say, let them.
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Es saku – ļaujiet tam notikt!
12:18
Fall to your knees. Be humbled.
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Nokrītiet ceļos. Esiet pazemīgi.
12:22
Let go of trying to change it
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Necentieties to mainīt
12:25
or even wanting it to be different.
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un nevēlieties, lai būtu citādi.
12:27
It just is.
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Tā vienkārši ir.
12:31
And then there's space,
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Un tad ir telpa,
12:32
and in that space feel your vulnerability,
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sajūtiet šajā telpā savu ievainojamību,
12:35
what matters most to you,
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to, kas jums visvairāk rūp,
12:37
your deepest intention.
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savas kvēlākās vēlmes.
12:40
And be curious to connect
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Esiet ziņkārīgi, lai rastu saikni
12:43
to what and who is really here,
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ar to, kas patiešām ir šeit –
12:47
awake and alive.
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nomodā un dzīvs.
12:50
It's what we all want.
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Mēs visi to vēlamies.
12:52
Let's take the opportunity
to find something beautiful
to find something beautiful
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Izmantosim iespēju atrast ko skaistu
12:56
in the unknown, in the unpredictable,
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nezināmajā, neparedzamajā
13:00
and even in the awful.
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un pat šausmīgajā.
13:03
Thank you.
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Paldies.
13:04
(Applause)
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(Aplausi)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Alyssa Monks - PainterAlyssa Monks transfers the intimacy and vulnerability of human experience onto a painted surface.
Why you should listen
Alyssa Monks blurs the line between abstraction and realism through layering different spaces and moments in her paintings. Using semi-transparent filters of glass, vinyl, steam and water to flip background and foreground in her 10-year water series, she seduced the viewer into shallow spaces. Today, she is imposing a transparent landscape of infinite space over her emotionally evocative subjects.
The tension in her mostly large-scale paintings is sustained not only by the composition but also by the surface treatment itself. Each brushstroke is thickly applied oil paint, like a fossil recording every gesture and decision, expressing the energetic and empathic experience of the handmade object.
Monks's work is represented by Forum Gallery in New York City. She lives and paints in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Her latest solo exhibition "Resolution" took place March and April of 2016 at Forum Gallery. Monks's paintings have been the subject of numerous solo and group exhibitions including "Intimacy" at the Kunst Museum in Ahlen, Germany and "Reconfiguring the Body in American Art, 1820–2009" at the National Academy Museum of Fine Arts, New York. Her work is represented in public and private collections, including the Savannah College of Arts, the Somerset Art Association, Fullerton College, the Seavest Collection and the collections of Eric Fischl, Howard Tullman, Gerrity Lansing, Danielle Steele, Alec Baldwin and Luciano Benetton.
Born 1977 in New Jersey, Monks began oil painting as a child. She studied at The New School in New York and Montclair State University and earned her B.A. from Boston College in 1999. During this time she studied painting at Lorenzo de’ Medici in Florence. She went on to earn her M.F.A from the New York Academy of Art, Graduate School of Figurative Art in 2001. She completed an artist in residency at Fullerton College in 2006 and has lectured and taught at universities and institutions nationwide. She continues to offer workshops and lectures regularly.
Monks has been awarded the Elizabeth Greenshields Foundation Grant for Painting three times and serves as a member of the New York Academy of Art's Board of Trustees.
Alyssa Monks | Speaker | TED.com