TEDxIndianaUniversity
Alyssa Monks: How loss helped one artist find beauty in imperfection
Alisa Monks (Alyssa Monks): Kako je gubitak pomogao jednoj umetnici da pronađe lepotu u nesavršenosti
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Slikarka Alisa Monks pronalazi lepotu i inspiraciju u nepoznatom, npredvidljivom, pa čak i u užasnom. U poetičnom, intimnom govoru, ona opisuje interakciju života, boje i platna kroz svoj razvoj kao umetnice i kao ljudskog bića.
Alyssa Monks - Painter
Alyssa Monks transfers the intimacy and vulnerability of human experience onto a painted surface. Full bio
Alyssa Monks transfers the intimacy and vulnerability of human experience onto a painted surface. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
I'm a painter.
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Slikarka sam.
00:14
I make large-scale figurative paintings,
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Slikam velike figurativne slike,
00:16
which means I paint people
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što znači da slikam ljude ovako.
00:18
like this.
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00:20
But I'm here tonight to tell you
about something personal
about something personal
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Večeras sam ovde
da bih vam pričala o ličnoj stvari
da bih vam pričala o ličnoj stvari
00:23
that changed my work and my perspective.
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koja je promenila moj rad
i moju tačku gledišta.
i moju tačku gledišta.
00:27
It's something we all go through,
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To je nešto kroz šta svi prolazimo,
00:29
and my hope is that my experience
may be helpful to somebody.
may be helpful to somebody.
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a ja se nadam da će moje iskustvo
možda nekome biti od pomoći.
možda nekome biti od pomoći.
00:34
To give you some background on me,
I grew up the youngest of eight.
I grew up the youngest of eight.
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Da vam pružim uvid u svoje poreklo,
odrasla sam kao najmlađe od osmoro dece.
odrasla sam kao najmlađe od osmoro dece.
00:38
Yes, eight kids in my family.
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Da, osmoro dece u mojoj porodici.
00:40
I have six older brothers and a sister.
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Imam šestoricu starije braće i sestru.
00:42
To give you a sense of what that's like,
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Da bih vam približila kako to izgleda,
00:45
when my family went on vacation,
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kada je moja porodica išla na odmor,
00:47
we had a bus.
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imali smo autobus.
00:49
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
00:52
My supermom would drive us all over town
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Moja supermama bi nas vozila
svuda po gradu
svuda po gradu
00:55
to our various after-school activities --
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na naše razne vanškolske aktivnosti -
00:58
not in the bus.
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ne autobusom.
01:00
We had a regular car, too.
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Imali smo i normalan auto.
01:03
She would take me to art classes,
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Vodila bi me na časove umetnosti,
i to ne samo na jedan ili dva.
i to ne samo na jedan ili dva.
01:05
and not just one or two.
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01:07
She took me to every available art class
from when I was eight to 16,
from when I was eight to 16,
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Vodila me je na sve postojeće
časove umetnosti
časove umetnosti
od moje osme do šesnaeste godine,
01:12
because that's all I wanted to do.
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jer je to sve čime sam želela da se bavim.
01:14
She even took a class with me
in New York City.
in New York City.
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Čak je i pohađala
jedan kurs sa mnom u Njujorku.
jedan kurs sa mnom u Njujorku.
01:18
Now, being the youngest of eight,
I learned a few survival skills.
I learned a few survival skills.
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Kao najmlađe od osmoro dece, naučila sam
nekoliko veština preživljavanja.
nekoliko veština preživljavanja.
01:21
Rule number one:
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Pravilo broj jedan -
01:23
don't let your big brother
see you do anything stupid.
see you do anything stupid.
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ne dopustite da vaš stariji brat
vidi kako radite nešto glupo.
vidi kako radite nešto glupo.
01:27
So I learned to be quiet and neat
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Tako sam naučila da budem tiha i uredna
01:30
and careful to follow the rules
and stay in line.
and stay in line.
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i da pazim da sledim pravila
i prilagodim se.
i prilagodim se.
01:33
But painting was where I made the rules.
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Međutim, u slikarstvu
sam ja određivala pravila.
sam ja određivala pravila.
To je bio moj privatni svet.
01:36
That was my private world.
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01:39
By 14, I knew I really wanted
to be an artist.
to be an artist.
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Do 14. godine sam znala
da zaista želim da budem umetnica.
da zaista želim da budem umetnica.
01:43
My big plan was to be a waitress
to support my painting.
to support my painting.
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Moj veliki plan je bio da budem konobarica
da bih mogla da finansiram slikanje.
da bih mogla da finansiram slikanje.
01:48
So I continued honing my skills.
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Nastavila sam da usavršavam svoje veštine.
01:50
I went to graduate school
and I got an MFA,
and I got an MFA,
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Pohađala sam postdiplomske studije
i stekla master diplomu lepih umetnosti,
i stekla master diplomu lepih umetnosti,
01:52
and at my first solo show,
my brother asked me,
my brother asked me,
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a na mojoj prvoj samostalnoj izložbi,
brat me je upitao:
brat me je upitao:
01:55
"What do all these red dots
mean next to the paintings?"
mean next to the paintings?"
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„Šta označavaju
te crvene tačke pored slika?“
te crvene tačke pored slika?“
01:58
Nobody was more surprised than me.
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Niko se nije više iznenadio od mene.
02:01
The red dots meant
that the paintings were sold
that the paintings were sold
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Crvene tačke su značile
da su slike prodate
da su slike prodate
02:04
and that I'd be able to pay my rent
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i da ću moći da platim stanarinu
02:06
with painting.
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pomoću slikarstva.
02:08
Now, my apartment
had four electrical outlets,
had four electrical outlets,
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Moj stan je imao četiri utičnice
02:11
and I couldn't use a microwave
and a toaster at the same time,
and a toaster at the same time,
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i nisam mogla da istovremeno koristim
mikrotalasnu i toster,
mikrotalasnu i toster,
02:14
but still, I could pay my rent.
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no, ipak sam mogla da platim kiriju,
02:17
So I was very happy.
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tako da sam bila veoma srećna.
02:20
Here's a painting
from back around that time.
from back around that time.
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Evo slike iz tog vremena.
Bilo mi je potrebno da bude
što je moguće više realistična.
što je moguće više realistična.
02:23
I needed it to be
as realistic as possible.
as realistic as possible.
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02:25
It had to be specific and believable.
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Morala je da bude specifična i uverljiva.
02:29
This was the place where I was
isolated and in total control.
isolated and in total control.
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To je bilo mesto na kome sam bila
izolovana i koje sam potpuno kontrolisala.
izolovana i koje sam potpuno kontrolisala.
02:35
Since then, I've made a career
of painting people in water.
of painting people in water.
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Od tada sam razvila karijeru
slikajući ljude u vodi.
slikajući ljude u vodi.
02:39
Bathtubs and showers were
the perfect enclosed environment.
the perfect enclosed environment.
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Kade i tuševi su bili
savršeni ograđeni ambijent.
savršeni ograđeni ambijent.
02:43
It was intimate and private,
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Bilo je intimno i privatno,
02:45
and water was this complicated challenge
that kept me busy for a decade.
that kept me busy for a decade.
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a voda je bila složeni izazov
koji me je okupirao čitavu deceniju.
koji me je okupirao čitavu deceniju.
02:49
I made about 200 of these paintings,
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Naslikala sam oko 200 ovih slika,
02:52
some of them six to eight feet,
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od kojih su neke i do 2,5 metra,
02:54
like this one.
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kao što je ova.
02:56
For this painting, I mixed flour in
with the bathwater to make it cloudy
with the bathwater to make it cloudy
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Za ovu sliku sam pomešala brašno
sa vodom za kupanje da bi bila zamućena,
sa vodom za kupanje da bi bila zamućena,
03:00
and I floated cooking oil on the surface
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stavila sam jestivo ulje na površinu
03:03
and stuck a girl in it,
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i umetnula devojku u to,
03:05
and when I lit it up,
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a kada sam je osvetlela,
03:06
it was so beautiful
I couldn't wait to paint it.
I couldn't wait to paint it.
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bilo je toliko lepo da nisam mogla
da dočekam da je naslikam.
da dočekam da je naslikam.
03:10
I was driven by this
kind of impulsive curiosity,
kind of impulsive curiosity,
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Pokretala me je
ta neka impulsivna radoznalost,
ta neka impulsivna radoznalost,
pri čemu sam uvek tražila
da dodam nešto novo:
da dodam nešto novo:
03:14
always looking for something new to add:
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03:16
vinyl, steam, glass.
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vinil, paru, staklo.
03:19
I once put all this Vaseline
in my head and hair
in my head and hair
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Jednom sam stavila
gomilu vazelina po glavi i kosi
gomilu vazelina po glavi i kosi
samo da vidim kako bi to izgledalo.
03:22
just to see what that would look like.
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03:25
Don't do that.
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Nemojte to raditi.
03:26
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
03:30
So it was going well.
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Dakle, išlo je dobro.
03:31
I was finding my way.
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Pronalazila sam svoj put.
03:33
I was eager and motivated
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Bila sam željna i motivisana,
03:35
and surrounded by artists,
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okružena umetnicima,
03:37
always going to openings and events.
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uvek išla na otvaranja i događaje.
03:40
I was having some success and recognition
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Doživela sam izvestan uspeh i priznanje
03:43
and I moved into an apartment
with more than four outlets.
with more than four outlets.
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i preselila se u stan
sa više od četiri utičnice.
sa više od četiri utičnice.
Moja mama i ja
bismo ostajale budne do kasno
bismo ostajale budne do kasno
03:48
My mom and I would stay up very late
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03:50
talking about our latest ideas
and inspiring each other.
and inspiring each other.
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i pričale o svojim najnovijim idejama
i inspirisale jedna drugu.
i inspirisale jedna drugu.
03:53
She made beautiful pottery.
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Ona je pravila prelepu grnčariju.
03:56
I have a friend named Bo
who made this painting
who made this painting
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Imam prijatelja po imenu Bo
koji je naslikao sliku
koji je naslikao sliku
03:59
of his wife and I dancing by the ocean,
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na kojoj njegova žena i on
plešu pored okeana,
plešu pored okeana,
04:01
and he called it "The Light Years."
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i nazvao ju je „Lagane godine“.
04:03
I asked him what that meant, and he said,
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Pitala sam ga šta to znači, a on je rekao:
04:06
"Well, that's when you've stepped
into adulthood, you're no longer a child,
into adulthood, you're no longer a child,
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„Pa, to je kada zakoračiš
u odraslo doba, više nisi dete,
u odraslo doba, više nisi dete,
04:10
but you're not yet weighed down
by the responsibilities of life."
by the responsibilities of life."
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ali još nisi opterećen
životnim obavezama.“
životnim obavezama.“
04:15
That was it. It was the light years.
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To je bilo to. Bile su to lagane godine.
04:18
On October 8, 2011,
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Osmog oktobra 2011. godine,
04:20
the light years came to an end.
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laganim godinama je došao kraj.
04:22
My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer.
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Moja mama je dobila dijagnozu raka pluća.
04:27
It had spread to her bones,
and it was in her brain.
and it was in her brain.
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Proširio se na njene kosti
i bio je u njenom mozgu.
i bio je u njenom mozgu.
04:30
When she told me this, I fell to my knees.
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Kada mi je to rekla, pala sam na kolena.
04:32
I totally lost it.
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Potpuno sam se izgubila.
04:35
And when I got myself together
and I looked at her,
and I looked at her,
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Kada sam se pribrala i pogledala je,
shvatila sam, ne radi se o meni.
04:38
I realized, this isn't about me.
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Radi se o pronalaženju načina
da joj pomognem.
da joj pomognem.
04:39
This is about figuring out
how to help her.
how to help her.
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04:43
My father is a doctor,
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Moj otac je doktor,
04:44
and so we had a great advantage
having him in charge,
having him in charge,
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tako da smo imali veliku prednost
što je on tu bio glavni,
što je on tu bio glavni,
04:48
and he did a beautiful job
taking care of her.
taking care of her.
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i odlično se starao o njoj.
04:50
But I, too, wanted to do
everything I could to help,
everything I could to help,
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I ja sam htela da uradim
sve što mogu da pomognem,
sve što mogu da pomognem,
04:53
so I wanted to try everything.
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pa sam htela da sve probam.
04:56
We all did.
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Svi smo hteli.
04:57
I researched alternative medicines,
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Istraživala sam alternativnu medicinu,
04:59
diets, juicing, acupuncture.
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dijete, pravljenje sokova, akupunkturu.
05:03
Finally, I asked her,
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Konačno, pitala sam je:
05:05
"Is this what you want me to do?"
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„Da li to želiš da radim?“
05:07
And she said, "No."
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Rekla je: „Ne.
05:09
She said, "Pace yourself.
I'm going to need you later."
I'm going to need you later."
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Pripremi se. Trebaćeš mi kasnije.“
05:16
She knew what was happening,
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Znala je šta se dešava
05:17
and she knew what the doctors
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i znala je ono što doktori,
05:19
and the experts
and the internet didn't know:
and the internet didn't know:
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stručnjaci i internet nisu znali -
05:21
how she wanted to go through this.
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kako je želela da prođe kroz ovo.
05:24
I just needed to ask her.
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Samo je trebalo da je pitam.
Shvatila sam da,
ako pokušavam da popravim stvari,
ako pokušavam da popravim stvari,
05:27
I realized that if I tried to fix it,
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05:29
I would miss it.
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propustiću to.
Stoga sam samo počela da budem uz nju,
05:32
So I just started to be with her,
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05:34
whatever that meant
and whatever situation came up,
and whatever situation came up,
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šta god to značilo
i kakva god situacija bi naišla,
i kakva god situacija bi naišla,
05:37
just really listen to her.
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samo da je stvarno slušam.
05:40
If before I was resisting,
then now I was surrendering,
then now I was surrendering,
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Ako sam se prethodno opirala,
sada sam se predala,
sada sam se predala,
odustala od pokušaja da kontrolišem
ono što se ne može kontrolisati
ono što se ne može kontrolisati
05:45
giving up trying to control
the uncontrollable
the uncontrollable
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05:47
and just being there in it with her.
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i jednostavno bila sa njom u tome.
05:51
Time slowed down,
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Vreme je usporilo
05:53
and the date was irrelevant.
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i datum je bio nevažan.
05:57
We developed a routine.
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Razvile smo rutinu.
05:59
Early each morning I would crawl
into bed with her and sleep with her.
into bed with her and sleep with her.
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Rano svakog jutra bih se uvukla
u njen krevet i spavala sa njom.
u njen krevet i spavala sa njom.
Moj brat bi došao na doručak
06:03
My brother would come for breakfast
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i bilo bi nam toliko drago
kada bismo čule kako pristiže njegov auto.
kada bismo čule kako pristiže njegov auto.
06:04
and we'd be so glad to hear
his car coming up the driveway.
his car coming up the driveway.
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06:07
So I'd help her up and take both her hands
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Pomogla bih joj, uhvatila je za obe ruke
06:11
and help her walk to the kitchen.
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i pomogla joj da hoda do kuhinje.
06:13
She had this huge mug she made
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Imala je ogromnu šolju koju je napravila
06:17
she loved to drink her coffee out of,
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iz koje je volela da pije kafu,
06:19
and she loved Irish soda bread
for breakfast.
for breakfast.
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i volela je irsku česnicu za doručak.
Nakon toga je sledilo tuširanje
06:23
Afterwards was the shower,
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06:25
and she loved this part.
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i obožavala je taj deo.
06:26
She loved the warm water,
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Volela je toplu vodu,
06:27
so I made this as indulgent as I could,
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tako da sam joj u tome ugađala
koliko god sam mogla,
koliko god sam mogla,
06:31
like a spa.
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kao da je banja.
06:33
My sister would help sometimes.
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Moja sestra bi ponekad pomogla.
06:35
We had warm towels
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Imale smo tople peškire
06:37
and slippers ready immediately
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i odmah spremne papuče,
06:39
so she never got cold for a second.
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tako da joj ne bude hladno ni na sekundu.
06:42
I'd blow-dry her hair.
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Osušila bih joj kosu fenom.
06:45
My brothers would come in the evenings
and bring their kids,
and bring their kids,
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Moja braća bi došla uveče
i dovela svoju decu,
i dovela svoju decu,
06:48
and that was the highlight of her day.
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a to je bio vrhunac dana.
06:51
Over time, we started to use a wheelchair,
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Vremenom smo počeli da koristimo kolica
06:54
and she didn't want to eat so much,
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i nije htela toliko da jede,
06:55
and she used the tiniest little teacup
we could find to drink her coffee.
we could find to drink her coffee.
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a koristila je najmanju moguću šolju
koju smo mogli naći da pije kafu.
koju smo mogli naći da pije kafu.
Nisam mogla više da joj pomažem sama,
07:03
I couldn't support her myself anymore,
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pa smo unajmili pomoćnicu
da mi pomogne pri tuširanju.
da mi pomogne pri tuširanju.
07:05
so we hired an aide
to help me with the showers.
to help me with the showers.
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07:08
These simple daily activities
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Te jednostavne dnevne aktivnosti
07:11
became our sacred ritual,
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postale su naš sveti ritual
07:13
and we repeated them day after day
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i ponavljale smo ih iz dana u dan
07:15
as the cancer grew.
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dok je rak rastao.
07:17
It was humbling and painful
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Bilo je to ponižavajuće i bolno
07:19
and exactly where I wanted to be.
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i baš gde sam želela da budem.
07:24
We called this time "the beautiful awful."
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Nazivale smo to vreme „prelepa grozota“.
07:28
She died on October 26, 2012.
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Preminula je 26. oktobra 2012. godine.
07:32
It was a year and three weeks
after her diagnosis.
after her diagnosis.
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To je bilo godinu dana i tri nedelje
nakon njene dijagnoze.
nakon njene dijagnoze.
07:36
She was gone.
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Iščezla je.
07:41
My brothers, sister, and father and I
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Moja braća, sestra, otac i ja
07:43
all came together in this
supportive and attentive way.
supportive and attentive way.
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bili smo udruženi
na podržavajući i pažljiv način.
na podržavajući i pažljiv način.
07:47
It was as though our whole family dynamic
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Kao da su čitava naša porodična dinamika
07:49
and all our established roles vanished
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i naše uspostavljene uloge nestale
07:51
and we were just
all together in this unknown,
all together in this unknown,
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i bili smo svi zajedno u tom nepoznatom,
07:54
feeling the same thing
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osećajući isto
07:56
and taking care of each other.
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i starajući se jedno o drugom.
07:59
I'm so grateful for them.
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Toliko sam zahvalna na njima.
08:05
As someone who spends most
of my time alone in a studio working,
of my time alone in a studio working,
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Kao neko ko većinu vremena
provodi sam, radeći u ateljeu,
provodi sam, radeći u ateljeu,
08:08
I had no idea that this kind of connection
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nisam imala pojma da takva povezanost
08:11
could be so important, so healing.
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može biti toliko važna,
toliko isceljujuća.
toliko isceljujuća.
08:14
This was the most important thing.
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To je bila najvažnija stvar.
Bilo je to ono što sam oduvek želela.
08:18
It was what I always wanted.
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08:21
So after the funeral, it was time
for me to go back to my studio.
for me to go back to my studio.
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Nakon sahrane, bilo je vreme
da se vratim u svoj atelje.
da se vratim u svoj atelje.
08:27
So I packed up my car
and I drove back to Brooklyn,
and I drove back to Brooklyn,
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Spakovala sam stvari u auto
i dovezla se u Bruklin,
i dovezla se u Bruklin,
08:30
and painting is what I've always done,
so that's what I did.
so that's what I did.
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a slikarstvom sam se oduvek bavila,
pa sam to i radila.
pa sam to i radila.
08:34
And here's what happened.
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Evo šta se dogodilo.
08:39
It's like a release of everything
that was unraveling in me.
that was unraveling in me.
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Bilo je to nekakvo oslobađanje svega
što se odigravalo u meni.
što se odigravalo u meni.
08:45
That safe, very, very carefully
rendered safe place
rendered safe place
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To sigurno, veoma pažljivo
uređeno bezbedno mesto
uređeno bezbedno mesto
08:50
that I created in all my other paintings,
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koje sam stvorila na svim drugim slikama,
08:53
it was a myth.
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bilo je mit.
08:55
It didn't work.
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Nije funkcionisalo.
08:57
And I was afraid, because
I didn't want to paint anymore.
I didn't want to paint anymore.
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Bila sam uplašena,
jer nisam želela da više slikam.
jer nisam želela da više slikam.
09:03
So I went into the woods.
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Tako sam otišla u šumu.
09:04
I thought, I'll try that, going outside.
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Mislila sam da to pokušam,
da izađem napolje.
da izađem napolje.
09:08
I got my paints,
and I wasn't a landscape painter,
and I wasn't a landscape painter,
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Uzela sam svoje boje,
a nisam bila slikar pejzaža,
a nisam bila slikar pejzaža,
ali zapravo nisam bila
nikakva posebna vrsta slikara,
nikakva posebna vrsta slikara,
09:12
but I wasn't really
much of any kind of painter at all,
much of any kind of painter at all,
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tako da nisam bila ni za šta vezana,
nisam imala očekivanja,
nisam imala očekivanja,
09:14
so I had no attachment, no expectation,
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09:17
which allowed me to be reckless and free.
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što mi je omogućavalo
da budem bezbrižna i slobodna.
da budem bezbrižna i slobodna.
Zapravo sam ostavila
jednu od ovih vlažnih slika
jednu od ovih vlažnih slika
09:20
I actually left one of these wet paintings
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09:22
outside overnight
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napolju preko noći
09:25
next to a light in the woods.
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pored svetla u šumi.
09:28
By the morning it was lacquered with bugs.
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Do jutra je bila prekrivena bubama.
No, nije me bilo briga.
Nije bilo bitno. To nije bilo bitno.
Nije bilo bitno. To nije bilo bitno.
09:32
But I didn't care.
It didn't matter. It didn't matter.
It didn't matter. It didn't matter.
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09:35
I took all these paintings
back to my studio,
back to my studio,
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Odnela sam sve te slike nazad u atelje,
09:37
and scraped them, and carved into them,
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izgrebala sam ih i urezivala u njih,
09:40
and poured paint thinner on them,
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sipala razređivač boje na nih,
09:42
put more paint on top, drew on them.
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stavila još boje na vrhu, crtala po njima.
09:45
I had no plan,
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Nisam imala plan,
09:47
but I was watching what was happening.
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ali sam posmatrala šta se dešava.
09:50
This is the one with all the bugs in it.
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Ovo je ona sa bubama po sebi.
Nisam pokušavala
da predstavim stvaran prostor.
da predstavim stvaran prostor.
09:53
I wasn't trying to represent a real space.
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09:56
It was the chaos and the imperfections
that were fascinating me,
that were fascinating me,
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Fascinirali su me haos i nesavršenosti,
10:00
and something started to happen.
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i nešto je počelo da se dešava.
10:03
I got curious again.
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Ponovo sam postala radoznala.
10:06
This is another one from the woods.
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Ovo je još jedna iz šume.
10:10
There was a caveat now, though.
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Doduše, sada je postojalo ograničenje.
10:12
I couldn't be controlling
the paint like I used to.
the paint like I used to.
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Nisam mogla da kontrolišem boju
kao što sam to nekada činila.
kao što sam to nekada činila.
10:15
It had to be about implying
and suggesting,
and suggesting,
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Morala je da nagovešava i ukazuje,
10:18
not explaining or describing.
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a ne da objašnjava ili opisuje.
10:21
And that imperfect,
chaotic, turbulent surface
chaotic, turbulent surface
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Ta nesavršena, haotična,
turbulentna površina
turbulentna površina
10:26
is what told the story.
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je bila nosilac priče.
10:30
I started to be as curious
as I was when I was a student.
as I was when I was a student.
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Počela sam da postajem radoznala
kao kada sam bila student.
kao kada sam bila student.
10:34
So the next thing was I wanted
to put figures in these paintings, people,
to put figures in these paintings, people,
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Sledeće sam želela da unesem figure
na ove slike, ljude,
na ove slike, ljude,
10:38
and I loved this new environment,
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i volela sam ovo novo okruženje,
10:39
so I wanted to have
both people and this atmosphere.
both people and this atmosphere.
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pa sam želela da imam
i ljude i ovu atmosferu.
i ljude i ovu atmosferu.
10:45
When the idea hit me of how to do this,
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Kada sam dobila ideju kako to da uradim,
10:47
I got kind of nauseous and dizzy,
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osetila sam nekakvu mučninu i vrtoglavicu,
10:50
which is really just adrenaline, probably,
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što je zapravo verovatno samo adrenalin,
10:53
but for me it's a really good sign.
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ali je za mene veoma dobar znak.
10:56
And so now I want to show you
what I've been working on.
what I've been working on.
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Sada želim da vam pokažem
na čemu sam radila.
na čemu sam radila.
10:59
It's something I haven't shown yet,
and it's like a preview, I guess,
and it's like a preview, I guess,
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To je nešto što još nisam pokazivala
i predstavlja nešto kao prikaz, rekla bih,
i predstavlja nešto kao prikaz, rekla bih,
11:03
of my upcoming show,
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moje predstojeće izložbe,
11:05
what I have so far.
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ono što za sada imam.
11:08
Expansive space
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Široki prostor
11:11
instead of the isolated bathtub.
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umesto izolovane kade za kupanje.
11:13
I'm going outside instead of inside.
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Idem napolje umesto da sam unutra.
11:17
Loosening control,
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Popuštanje kontrole,
11:19
savoring the imperfections,
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uživanje u nesavršenostima,
11:21
allowing the --
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dozvoljavanje -
11:24
allowing the imperfections.
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dozvoljavanje nesavršenosti.
11:27
And in that imperfection,
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U toj nesavršenosti
11:29
you can find a vulnerability.
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možete naći ranjivost.
11:31
I could feel my deepest intention,
what matters most to me,
what matters most to me,
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Mogla sam da osetim
svoja najdublja stremljenja,
svoja najdublja stremljenja,
ono što je za mene najznačajnije,
11:38
that human connection
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tu ljudsku povezanost
11:40
that can happen in a space
where there's no resisting or controlling.
where there's no resisting or controlling.
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koja se može dogoditi u prostoru
u kome nema opiranja ili kontrolisanja.
u kome nema opiranja ili kontrolisanja.
11:45
I want to make paintings about that.
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Želela sam da slikam slike u vezi sa tim.
11:50
So here's what I learned.
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Dakle, evo šta sam naučila.
11:53
We're all going to have
big losses in our lives,
big losses in our lives,
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Svi ćemo imati velike gubitke u životu,
11:57
maybe a job or a career,
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možda gubitak posla ili karijere,
11:59
relationships, love, our youth.
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veze, ljubavi, naše mladosti.
12:03
We're going to lose our health,
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Izgubićemo zdravlje,
12:05
people we love.
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ljude koje volimo.
12:08
These kinds of losses
are out of our control.
are out of our control.
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Takvi gubici su izvan naše kontrole.
12:10
They're unpredictable,
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Nepredvidljivi su
12:12
and they bring us to our knees.
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i poražavaju nas.
12:15
And so I say, let them.
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Zato kažem - pustite ih.
12:18
Fall to your knees. Be humbled.
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Padnite na kolena. Budite uniženi.
12:22
Let go of trying to change it
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Odustanite od pokušaja da ih izmenite
12:25
or even wanting it to be different.
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ili čak i od želje da bude drugačije.
12:27
It just is.
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Jednostavno tako jeste.
12:31
And then there's space,
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Zatim tu postoji prostor,
12:32
and in that space feel your vulnerability,
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a u tom prostoru osetite svoju ranjivost,
12:35
what matters most to you,
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ono što je za vas najznačajnije,
12:37
your deepest intention.
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svoja najdublja stremljenja.
12:40
And be curious to connect
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Budite znatiželjni da se povežete
12:43
to what and who is really here,
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sa stvarima i ljudima koji su zaista ovde,
12:47
awake and alive.
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budni i živi.
12:50
It's what we all want.
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To je ono što svi želimo.
12:52
Let's take the opportunity
to find something beautiful
to find something beautiful
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Iskoristimo priliku
da pronađemo nešto lepo
da pronađemo nešto lepo
12:56
in the unknown, in the unpredictable,
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u nepoznatom, nepredvidljivom,
13:00
and even in the awful.
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pa čak i u užasnom.
13:03
Thank you.
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Hvala.
13:04
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Alyssa Monks - PainterAlyssa Monks transfers the intimacy and vulnerability of human experience onto a painted surface.
Why you should listen
Alyssa Monks blurs the line between abstraction and realism through layering different spaces and moments in her paintings. Using semi-transparent filters of glass, vinyl, steam and water to flip background and foreground in her 10-year water series, she seduced the viewer into shallow spaces. Today, she is imposing a transparent landscape of infinite space over her emotionally evocative subjects.
The tension in her mostly large-scale paintings is sustained not only by the composition but also by the surface treatment itself. Each brushstroke is thickly applied oil paint, like a fossil recording every gesture and decision, expressing the energetic and empathic experience of the handmade object.
Monks's work is represented by Forum Gallery in New York City. She lives and paints in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Her latest solo exhibition "Resolution" took place March and April of 2016 at Forum Gallery. Monks's paintings have been the subject of numerous solo and group exhibitions including "Intimacy" at the Kunst Museum in Ahlen, Germany and "Reconfiguring the Body in American Art, 1820–2009" at the National Academy Museum of Fine Arts, New York. Her work is represented in public and private collections, including the Savannah College of Arts, the Somerset Art Association, Fullerton College, the Seavest Collection and the collections of Eric Fischl, Howard Tullman, Gerrity Lansing, Danielle Steele, Alec Baldwin and Luciano Benetton.
Born 1977 in New Jersey, Monks began oil painting as a child. She studied at The New School in New York and Montclair State University and earned her B.A. from Boston College in 1999. During this time she studied painting at Lorenzo de’ Medici in Florence. She went on to earn her M.F.A from the New York Academy of Art, Graduate School of Figurative Art in 2001. She completed an artist in residency at Fullerton College in 2006 and has lectured and taught at universities and institutions nationwide. She continues to offer workshops and lectures regularly.
Monks has been awarded the Elizabeth Greenshields Foundation Grant for Painting three times and serves as a member of the New York Academy of Art's Board of Trustees.
Alyssa Monks | Speaker | TED.com