The Way We Work
Amy Nicole Baker: 7 common questions about workplace romance
Ejmi Bejker (Amy Baker): 7 uobičajenih pitanja o vezi na radnom mestu
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Da li treba da izlazite sa svojim kolegom? Da li parovi na poslu treba da drže svoju vezu u tajnosti? I zašto kolege često privlače jedno drugo? Organizacioni psiholog Ejmi Bejker daje odgovore na često postavljana pitanja o kancelarijskoj romansi.
Amy Nicole Baker - Organizational psychologist
Amy Nicole Baker is an associate professor of psychology at the University of New Haven. Full bio
Amy Nicole Baker is an associate professor of psychology at the University of New Haven. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:00
Workplace romance can be a tricky topic.
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Romansa na radnom mestu
može biti nezgodna tema.
može biti nezgodna tema.
00:02
(Music)
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(Muzika)
00:03
[The Way We Work]
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(Način na koji radimo)
00:05
How do we manage the boundaries
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Kako postavljamo granice
00:06
between our personal
and professional lives?
and professional lives?
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između ličnog i profesionalnog života?
00:08
How do we deal with gender imbalances
and power dynamics in the workplace?
and power dynamics in the workplace?
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Kako se nosimo sa polnom neravnotežom
i dinamikom snaga na radnom mestu?
i dinamikom snaga na radnom mestu?
00:12
There's a lot of gray area
in workplace romance.
in workplace romance.
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Mnogo je sivih zona
kada govorimo o vezi na radnom mestu.
kada govorimo o vezi na radnom mestu.
00:15
I'd like to take a few minutes
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Odvojiću nekoliko minuta
00:16
and answer some of your
frequently asked questions.
frequently asked questions.
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i odgovoriti na neke
od vaših često postavljenih pitanja.
od vaših često postavljenih pitanja.
00:18
So, question one:
Should I date my coworker?
Should I date my coworker?
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Prvo pitanje: „Da li treba
da izlazim sa svojim kolegom?“
da izlazim sa svojim kolegom?“
00:22
Uh ... it depends.
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Uh... zavisi.
00:24
Do you want to date
your coworker for a bit of fun?
your coworker for a bit of fun?
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Da li želite da izađete
sa kolegom zabave radi?
sa kolegom zabave radi?
Da li želite da izađete sa kolegom
zbog neobavezne veze?
zbog neobavezne veze?
00:26
Do you want to date
your coworker to hook up?
your coworker to hook up?
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00:28
Because then you're really
better off on Tinder.
better off on Tinder.
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U tom slučaju, bolje probajte sa Tinderom.
Ako želite da izađete sa kolegom
00:31
If you want to date your coworker
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jer stvarno i iskreno
mislite da ste se zaljubili,
mislite da ste se zaljubili,
00:32
because you really, sincerely think
you're falling in love with them
you're falling in love with them
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ili da postoji stvarni potencijal
za dugoročnu i posvećenu vezu,
za dugoročnu i posvećenu vezu,
00:36
or there's a real potential
for a long-term, committed relationship,
for a long-term, committed relationship,
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00:39
maybe you should date your coworker.
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možda bi trebalo da izađete sa njim.
00:41
Studies show that your coworkers
are generally positive about it
are generally positive about it
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Istraživanja pokazuju
da kolege u principu odobravaju to,
da kolege u principu odobravaju to,
00:44
if they perceive
that you're falling in love
that you're falling in love
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ukoliko primete da ste zaljubljeni
00:46
and genuinely care about each other.
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i da vam je zaista stalo jedno do drugog.
00:49
It's when your coworkers sense
that something else is in play --
that something else is in play --
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Kada kolege osete
da je nešto drugo u igri,
da je nešto drugo u igri,
00:52
that can be disruptive.
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to može biti ometajući faktor.
00:53
Question two:
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Drugo pitanje: „Da li treba
da izlazim sa svojim šefom?“
da izlazim sa svojim šefom?“
00:54
Should I date my boss?
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00:56
In almost all cases, no,
you should not date your boss,
you should not date your boss,
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U gotovo svim slučajevima, ne,
ne treba da izlazite sa svojim šefom,
ne treba da izlazite sa svojim šefom,
00:59
because now, you've got a power dynamic.
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zato što tu imate dinamiku moći.
01:01
When there's a relationship
between a boss and a subordinate,
between a boss and a subordinate,
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Kada postoji veza
između nadređenog i podređenog,
između nadređenog i podređenog,
01:04
it generates a lot of negative feelings,
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ona uključuje dosta negativnih emocija,
01:06
and the negative feelings
tend to fall on the person
tend to fall on the person
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a te negativne emocije često padnu
na teret osobi koja je na nižem položaju.
na teret osobi koja je na nižem položaju.
01:09
who's lower on the totem pole.
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01:10
People usually assume
some kind of favoritism,
some kind of favoritism,
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Ljudi često pretpostavljaju
neki oblik pristrasnosti,
neki oblik pristrasnosti,
01:13
some kind of inside knowledge,
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neku vrstu dodatnih informacija,
01:15
and there can be resentment
stirred up by that.
stirred up by that.
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i mogu imati odbojnost prema tome.
01:17
There was a study published last year
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Jedno istraživanje,
objavljeno prošle godine,
objavljeno prošle godine,
01:19
that suggested dating a superior can even
have a negative impact on your career.
have a negative impact on your career.
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pokazalo je da veza sa nadređenim
može negativno uticati na vašu karijeru.
može negativno uticati na vašu karijeru.
01:24
The researchers asked
third-party evaluators online
third-party evaluators online
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Istraživači su pitali, onlajn,
nezavisne ocenjivače
nezavisne ocenjivače
01:27
to imagine that they worked at a law firm.
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da zamisle da rade u advokatskoj firmi.
01:29
They asked them to make recommendations
on which employee should get picked
on which employee should get picked
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Od njih je zatraženo da preporuče
koje kolege bi trebalo izabrati
koje kolege bi trebalo izabrati
01:33
for a special training program
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za specijalni program obuke,
01:35
and which should get promoted to partner.
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a koji treba da budu
unapređeni u partnera.
unapređeni u partnera.
01:37
They looked at credentials
for imaginary employees,
for imaginary employees,
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Pregledali su dosijee
izmišljenih zaposlenih,
izmišljenih zaposlenih,
01:40
and when it was stated
that an employee had been dating
that an employee had been dating
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i kada bi ustanovili da se zaposleni viđa,
01:43
or was in a relationship with a superior,
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ili da je u vezi sa nadređenim,
01:46
the evaluators were less likely to pick
that person for the training program
that person for the training program
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ređe bi birali tu osobu
za program obuke ili unapređenje,
01:50
or the promotion,
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01:51
even if they had the exact
same credentials
same credentials
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čak i ako bi one imale iste akreditive
01:54
as someone who wasn't dating their boss.
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kao neko drugi ko se nije viđao sa šefom.
01:57
The evaluators were also quick
to dismiss their accomplishments.
to dismiss their accomplishments.
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Ocenjivači bi takođe veoma brzo
odbacili sva njihova dostignuća.
odbacili sva njihova dostignuća.
02:00
Question three:
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Treće pitanje:
02:02
Can I date someone who reports to me?
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„Mogu li da se viđam sa nekim
ko mi podnosi izveštaj?“
ko mi podnosi izveštaj?“
02:04
Still a big no.
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I dalje veliko ne.
02:05
You may not feel like
you're really the boss, right?
you're really the boss, right?
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Ne osećate se baš kao šef, zar ne?
02:09
But you are, and there's
a power dynamic there
a power dynamic there
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Ali vi to jeste, i zbog toga
postoji dinamika moći
postoji dinamika moći
02:11
that's simply not there for other couples.
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koja ne postoji kod drugih parova.
02:13
If you really believe there is a sincere,
honestly felt, personal connection
honestly felt, personal connection
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Ako zaista verujete da postoji
iskreno osećanje, bliska veza
iskreno osećanje, bliska veza
02:20
that would be lasting and meaningful,
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koja bi mogla da bude
dugovečna i smislena,
dugovečna i smislena,
02:22
one of you may need to move,
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jedno od vas će možda morati da ode,
02:24
and it shouldn't always be the person
who's lower in the company pecking order.
who's lower in the company pecking order.
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i to ne bi trebalo uvek da bude osoba
sa nižeg hijerarhijskog nivoa kompanije.
sa nižeg hijerarhijskog nivoa kompanije.
02:29
Question four:
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Četvrto pitanje:
02:30
I've just started seeing a coworker.
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„Upravo sam počela
da se zabavljam sa kolegom.
da se zabavljam sa kolegom.
02:32
How do we handle things?
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Kako da se nosimo sa tim?“
02:34
I get this question a lot.
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Često dobijam ovo pitanje.
02:35
"Are they dating? Are they not dating?"
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„Da li se oni zabavljaju? Ili ne?”
02:37
Don't keep it a secret.
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Nemojte to držati u tajnosti.
02:38
You don't have to make a big deal of it,
but secrecy tends to be corrosive.
but secrecy tends to be corrosive.
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Ne morate od toga da pravite slona,
ali tajnovitost ume da nanese štetu.
ali tajnovitost ume da nanese štetu.
02:42
People tend to see workplace couples
as a coalition or a unit,
as a coalition or a unit,
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Ljudi često vide parove
na radnom mestu kao uniju ili celinu,
na radnom mestu kao uniju ili celinu,
02:46
so try to make it clear to your coworkers
that you're not the same person;
that you're not the same person;
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zato pokušajte da razjasnite kolegama
da vi niste jedna osoba;
da vi niste jedna osoba;
02:50
you love each other,
but you are going to disagree.
but you are going to disagree.
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vi se volite, ali se nećete
slagati oko svega.
slagati oko svega.
02:53
Question five:
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Peto pitanje:
02:54
Why are coworkers
often attracted to each other?
often attracted to each other?
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„Zašto se kolege
često međusobno privlače?“
često međusobno privlače?“
02:57
Well, the obvious answer is people
tend to be attracted to each other
tend to be attracted to each other
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Očigledan odgovor na ovo pitanje je
da ljude često privlače oni
da ljude često privlače oni
03:01
the more time they spend together.
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sa kojima provode dosta vremena.
03:03
But there's another ingredient
that has to be added:
that has to be added:
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Ali uz to mora postojati još nešto.
03:05
attraction tends to happen
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Privlačnost se dešava
03:07
when there's work that demands
close collaboration.
close collaboration.
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kada rad zahteva blisku saradnju.
03:10
So imagine you have a big group project
with a tight deadline
with a tight deadline
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Zamislite da imate veliki projekat,
sa kratkim rokom,
sa kratkim rokom,
03:14
and you're working late nights
and brainstorming ideas.
and brainstorming ideas.
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i radite do kasno u noć,
razmenjujete ideje.
razmenjujete ideje.
03:17
You look up, and across the table,
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Pogledate, kad prekoputa vas,
03:19
one of your colleagues throws out
a really great idea.
a really great idea.
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jedna od vaših koleginica
da stvarno odličnu ideju.
da stvarno odličnu ideju.
03:22
You may feel something,
and that's natural.
and that's natural.
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Možete osetiti nešto,
što je potpuno prirodno.
što je potpuno prirodno.
03:25
We call this task interdependence.
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Mi to zovemo međuzavisnost zadatka.
03:27
It's a ripe ground for attraction.
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To je pogodno tlo za privlačnost.
03:29
The second reason why people at work
are attracted to each other
are attracted to each other
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Drugi razlog zašto ljudi na poslu
privlače jedno drugo
privlače jedno drugo
je taj što su često veoma slični.
03:33
is they may often be
similar to each other.
similar to each other.
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03:36
There's two old adages:
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Postoje dve stare izreke:
03:37
"Birds of a feather flock together."
And "Opposites attract."
And "Opposites attract."
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„Svaka ptica svome jatu leti”
i „Suprotnosti se privlače.”
i „Suprotnosti se privlače.”
03:41
Well, the psychological
research suggests ...
research suggests ...
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Psihološka istraživanja ukazuju...
03:44
birds of a feather flock together,
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svaka ptica svome jatu leti,
03:46
and we like people who are like us.
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i mi volimo ljude koji su kao mi.
03:48
Question six:
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Šesto pitanje:
03:49
My coworkers are flirting.
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„Moje kolege flertuju.
03:51
I'm annoyed. What do I do?
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To me nervira. Šta da radim?“
03:53
Some researchers argue
that for people flirting at work,
that for people flirting at work,
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Neki istraživači tvrde
da je za ljude koji flertuju na poslu
da je za ljude koji flertuju na poslu
03:57
flirting is good and it boosts creativity.
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to dobro i povećava kreativnost.
03:59
But my own research suggests
things are different
things are different
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Ali moje lično istraživanje ukazuje
da su stvari malo drugačije
da su stvari malo drugačije
04:02
for people who are watching
or who are subjected to the flirting.
or who are subjected to the flirting.
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za one koji to posmatraju
i za one sa kojima se flertuje.
i za one sa kojima se flertuje.
04:06
It can be awkward, right?
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Može biti malo čudno, zar ne?
04:08
Witnessing flirtation in the workplace
creates a sense of not knowing the rules,
creates a sense of not knowing the rules,
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Prisustvovati flertovanju na poslu
stvara osećaj da se ne znaju pravila,
stvara osećaj da se ne znaju pravila,
04:12
not knowing what's going on,
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da se ne zna šta se tačno dešava,
04:14
or maybe seeing something
that you shouldn't be seeing.
that you shouldn't be seeing.
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ili da ste možda videli nešto
što nije trebalo da vidite.
što nije trebalo da vidite.
04:17
People who frequently witness
flirting at work --
flirting at work --
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Ljudi koji su često
svedoci flerta na poslu
svedoci flerta na poslu
04:19
they actually report feeling
less satisfied in their jobs,
less satisfied in their jobs,
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iskazuju da su manje zadovoljni na poslu,
04:22
and they feel less valued
by their company.
by their company.
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i imaju osećaj da ih njihova
kompanija manje ceni.
kompanija manje ceni.
04:25
They're more likely to give a negative
appraisal of the work environment,
appraisal of the work environment,
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Češće daju negativne ocene
radnom okruženju,
radnom okruženju,
04:28
and they may even consider leaving.
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i mogu čak razmišljati o otkazu.
04:30
For women, this association
can be even stronger.
can be even stronger.
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Za žene je ovo osećanje još snažnije.
04:33
This appears to be the case
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Ovo se dešava čak i u slučajevima
04:34
even when people report
not being bothered by the flirting.
not being bothered by the flirting.
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kada ljudi kažu da im ne smeta flert.
04:38
It's true even when they say
they enjoy it.
they enjoy it.
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Isto je čak i kada kažu
da uživaju u tome.
da uživaju u tome.
04:40
So, a flirtatious environment
really could be toxic.
really could be toxic.
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Dakle, okruženje sa flertovanjem
može stvarno biti toksično.
može stvarno biti toksično.
04:44
Question seven:
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Sedmo pitanje:
04:45
Do I need a policy
on workplace relationships?
on workplace relationships?
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„Da li su mi potrebna pravila
o vezi na radnom mestu?“
o vezi na radnom mestu?“
04:48
You certainly need a policy
on a sexual harassment,
on a sexual harassment,
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Svakako su vam potrebna pravila
o seksualnom uznemiravnju,
o seksualnom uznemiravnju,
04:50
and I think most HR departments
recognize that.
recognize that.
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i mislim da većina odeljenja
za ljudske resurse to prepoznaje.
za ljudske resurse to prepoznaje.
04:53
But for the kind of consensual
behavior we've been talking about,
behavior we've been talking about,
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Ali za ovu vrstu dobrovoljnog ponašanja
o kojoj smo pričali, malo je drugačije.
o kojoj smo pričali, malo je drugačije.
04:56
it's a little different.
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04:57
As much as people in HR
would love to wave a magic wand
would love to wave a magic wand
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Ma koliko bi ljudi iz ljudskih resursa
voleli da mahnu čarobnim štapićem
voleli da mahnu čarobnim štapićem
05:01
and say, "Thou shall not
fall in love at work,"
fall in love at work,"
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i kažu: „Ne zaljubljujte se na poslu,”
05:04
it's just not realistic.
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to jednostavno nije realno.
05:05
Emotional connection
and sexuality is who we are.
and sexuality is who we are.
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Emotivne veze i seksualnost
je ono što smo mi.
je ono što smo mi.
05:09
I kind of want you
to flip the script a little bit.
to flip the script a little bit.
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Ja nekako želim
da malo preokrenete stvari.
da malo preokrenete stvari.
05:11
I encourage HR
to really think more broadly
to really think more broadly
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Ja podstičem ljudske resurse
da razmišljaju šire
da razmišljaju šire
05:15
about their role in not necessarily
stamping out office romance,
stamping out office romance,
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o svojoj ulozi, a ne nužno o suzbijanju
kancelarijske romanse,
kancelarijske romanse,
05:19
because I don't think that's realistic,
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zato što mislim da je to nerealno,
05:21
but how do I help create
a workplace climate and culture
a workplace climate and culture
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nego kako da stvorimo
poslovnu klimu i kulturu
poslovnu klimu i kulturu
05:25
where people feel respected
for their individual contributions,
for their individual contributions,
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gde se ljudi osećaju poštovano
zbog svojih ličnih zasluga,
zbog svojih ličnih zasluga,
05:29
not for their appearance or their gender,
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a ne zbog svog izgleda, pola,
05:32
or their personal relationships?
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ili ličnih veza.
05:34
So the larger question is,
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Veće je pitanje:
05:36
how do you make sure
people are valued and respected?
people are valued and respected?
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kako osigurati da su ljudi
cenjeni i poštovani?
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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Amy Nicole Baker - Organizational psychologistAmy Nicole Baker is an associate professor of psychology at the University of New Haven.
Why you should listen
Amy Nicole Baker received a Ph.D. in industrial and organizational psychology from the University of Maryland. Her research interests are in workplace romance, organizational climate, perceptions of women in the workplace and dual-earner couples. Her work has been published in some of the top journals in her field, including the Journal of Applied Psychology and Educational and Psychological Measurement.
Amy Nicole Baker | Speaker | TED.com