The Way We Work
Amy Nicole Baker: 7 common questions about workplace romance
艾米·贝克: 办公室恋情的7个常见问题
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你应该和同事约会吗？职场情侣应该对他们的恋情保密吗？为什么同事之间总是互相吸引？组织心理学家艾米·妮可·贝克分享了办公室恋情中常见问题的真实答案。
Amy Nicole Baker - Organizational psychologist
Amy Nicole Baker is an associate professor of psychology at the University of New Haven. Full bio
Amy Nicole Baker is an associate professor of psychology at the University of New Haven. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:00
Workplace romance can be a tricky topic.
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办公室恋情是个棘手话题。
00:02
(Music)
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（音乐）
00:03
[The Way We Work]
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[我们的工作方式]
00:05
How do we manage the boundaries
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我们如何管理我们的
00:06
between our personal
and professional lives?
and professional lives?
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个人和职业生活的界限？
00:08
How do we deal with gender imbalances
and power dynamics in the workplace?
and power dynamics in the workplace?
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我们如何处理职场中
的性别失衡和权力动态？
的性别失衡和权力动态？
00:12
There's a lot of gray area
in workplace romance.
in workplace romance.
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职场恋情有很多灰色地带。
00:15
I'd like to take a few minutes
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我想花几分钟
00:16
and answer some of your
frequently asked questions.
frequently asked questions.
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回答你们经常问到的问题。
00:18
So, question one:
Should I date my coworker?
Should I date my coworker?
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所以，问题1：我应该和同事约会吗？
00:22
Uh ... it depends.
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呃…这得看情况。
00:24
Do you want to date
your coworker for a bit of fun?
your coworker for a bit of fun?
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你和同事约会是想找乐子吗？
00:26
Do you want to date
your coworker to hook up?
your coworker to hook up?
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你和同事约会是为了勾搭吗？
00:28
Because then you're really
better off on Tinder.
better off on Tinder.
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因为那样的话你在Tinder上的效果会更好。
00:31
If you want to date your coworker
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如果你想和同事约会
00:32
because you really, sincerely think
you're falling in love with them
you're falling in love with them
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是因为你真是，真诚地认为你堕入爱河了，
00:36
or there's a real potential
for a long-term, committed relationship,
for a long-term, committed relationship,
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或者有发展一段真正的，
长期的，承诺的感情潜力，
长期的，承诺的感情潜力，
00:39
maybe you should date your coworker.
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也许你应该和你的同事约会。
00:41
Studies show that your coworkers
are generally positive about it
are generally positive about it
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研究表明，你的同事通常对此非常积极，
00:44
if they perceive
that you're falling in love
that you're falling in love
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如果他们感到你陷入爱河
00:46
and genuinely care about each other.
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并真正关心彼此。
00:49
It's when your coworkers sense
that something else is in play --
that something else is in play --
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当你的同事意识到有其他因素时——
00:52
that can be disruptive.
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这可能是破坏性的。
00:53
Question two:
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问题2：
00:54
Should I date my boss?
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我应该和老板约会吗？
00:56
In almost all cases, no,
you should not date your boss,
you should not date your boss,
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在几乎所有的场合，不要，
你不应该和你老板约会，
你不应该和你老板约会，
00:59
because now, you've got a power dynamic.
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因为现在，你会面临一场权力动态。
01:01
When there's a relationship
between a boss and a subordinate,
between a boss and a subordinate,
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当老板和下属有关系的时候，
01:04
it generates a lot of negative feelings,
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它会产生很多负面情绪，
01:06
and the negative feelings
tend to fall on the person
tend to fall on the person
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负面情绪倾向于落在
01:09
who's lower on the totem pole.
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地位较低的人身上。
01:10
People usually assume
some kind of favoritism,
some kind of favoritism,
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人们通常会认为存在偏袒，
01:13
some kind of inside knowledge,
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内部知识，
01:15
and there can be resentment
stirred up by that.
stirred up by that.
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这可能会激起怨恨。
01:17
There was a study published last year
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去年发布的研究显示
01:19
that suggested dating a superior can even
have a negative impact on your career.
have a negative impact on your career.
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和高层约会甚至会对你的
职业生涯造成负面影响。
职业生涯造成负面影响。
01:24
The researchers asked
third-party evaluators online
third-party evaluators online
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研究人员在线询问第三方评估者
01:27
to imagine that they worked at a law firm.
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去想象一下他们在律师事务所工作。
01:29
They asked them to make recommendations
on which employee should get picked
on which employee should get picked
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他们让他们推荐哪个员工应该挑选来
01:33
for a special training program
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参加特殊培训项目
01:35
and which should get promoted to partner.
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以及哪个员工应该晋升为合伙人。
01:37
They looked at credentials
for imaginary employees,
for imaginary employees,
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他们研究了虚构员工的证书，
01:40
and when it was stated
that an employee had been dating
that an employee had been dating
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当被告知有员工与更高层正在约会
01:43
or was in a relationship with a superior,
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或者有过一段感情经历时，
01:46
the evaluators were less likely to pick
that person for the training program
that person for the training program
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评估者更不可能挑选这个人参与培训项目
01:50
or the promotion,
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或者晋升，
01:51
even if they had the exact
same credentials
same credentials
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即便她们拥有和那些
01:54
as someone who wasn't dating their boss.
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没有和老板约会的人同样的资历。
01:57
The evaluators were also quick
to dismiss their accomplishments.
to dismiss their accomplishments.
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评估者很快否定了她们的成就。
02:00
Question three:
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问题3：
02:02
Can I date someone who reports to me?
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我可以和向我汇报的人约会吗？
02:04
Still a big no.
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仍然不能。
02:05
You may not feel like
you're really the boss, right?
you're really the boss, right?
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你可能会感到你不是真正的老板，对吧？
02:09
But you are, and there's
a power dynamic there
a power dynamic there
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但你是老板，这里存在权力动态，
02:11
that's simply not there for other couples.
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这是其他夫妻所没有的。
02:13
If you really believe there is a sincere,
honestly felt, personal connection
honestly felt, personal connection
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如果你真的相信这是个真诚的、发自内心的、
02:20
that would be lasting and meaningful,
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有意义的人际关系，
02:22
one of you may need to move,
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你们其中有个人需要换地方，
02:24
and it shouldn't always be the person
who's lower in the company pecking order.
who's lower in the company pecking order.
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而且也不应该总是公司里
地位较低的人说了算。
地位较低的人说了算。
02:29
Question four:
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问题4：
02:30
I've just started seeing a coworker.
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我刚刚开始和一个同事约会。
02:32
How do we handle things?
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我们应该如何处理这些事情？
02:34
I get this question a lot.
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我常常被问这个问题。
02:35
"Are they dating? Are they not dating?"
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“他们在约会吗？他们没有约会？”
02:37
Don't keep it a secret.
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不要保密。
02:38
You don't have to make a big deal of it,
but secrecy tends to be corrosive.
but secrecy tends to be corrosive.
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你不必大惊小怪，但保密往往是有害的。
02:42
People tend to see workplace couples
as a coalition or a unit,
as a coalition or a unit,
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人们往往把职场夫妻视为
一个联盟或一个团体，
一个联盟或一个团体，
02:46
so try to make it clear to your coworkers
that you're not the same person;
that you're not the same person;
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所以试着让你的同事明白
你不是那样的人；
你不是那样的人；
02:50
you love each other,
but you are going to disagree.
but you are going to disagree.
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你们彼此相爱，但你们会有分歧。
02:53
Question five:
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问题5：
02:54
Why are coworkers
often attracted to each other?
often attracted to each other?
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为什么同事之间经常相互吸引？
02:57
Well, the obvious answer is people
tend to be attracted to each other
tend to be attracted to each other
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一个明显的答案是
通常人们接触的时间越久
通常人们接触的时间越久
03:01
the more time they spend together.
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越容易相互吸引。
03:03
But there's another ingredient
that has to be added:
that has to be added:
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但还有另一种成分需要加入：
03:05
attraction tends to happen
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当工作需要密切合作时，
03:07
when there's work that demands
close collaboration.
close collaboration.
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吸引力就会产生。
03:10
So imagine you have a big group project
with a tight deadline
with a tight deadline
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所以去想象你有一个大
团队项目，时间很紧，
团队项目，时间很紧，
03:14
and you're working late nights
and brainstorming ideas.
and brainstorming ideas.
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你工作到深夜还在头脑风暴。
03:17
You look up, and across the table,
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你抬起头，隔着桌子，
03:19
one of your colleagues throws out
a really great idea.
a really great idea.
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其中一个同事抛出了个很棒的点子。
03:22
You may feel something,
and that's natural.
and that's natural.
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你可能会有所感觉，这很正常。
03:25
We call this task interdependence.
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我们称之为相互依存。
03:27
It's a ripe ground for attraction.
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这是吸引力的成熟土壤。
03:29
The second reason why people at work
are attracted to each other
are attracted to each other
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人们在工作中相互吸引的第二个原因是
03:33
is they may often be
similar to each other.
similar to each other.
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他们往往彼此相似。
03:36
There's two old adages:
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有两个古老的谚语：
03:37
"Birds of a feather flock together."
And "Opposites attract."
And "Opposites attract."
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“物以类聚，人以群分”
和“异性相吸。”
和“异性相吸。”
03:41
Well, the psychological
research suggests ...
research suggests ...
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心理学研究表明…
03:44
birds of a feather flock together,
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物以类聚，
03:46
and we like people who are like us.
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我们喜欢和我们一样的人。
03:48
Question six:
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问题6：
03:49
My coworkers are flirting.
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我的同事在调情。
03:51
I'm annoyed. What do I do?
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我很烦，我应该怎么做？
03:53
Some researchers argue
that for people flirting at work,
that for people flirting at work,
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一些研究人员认为，对
在工作中调情的人来说，
在工作中调情的人来说，
03:57
flirting is good and it boosts creativity.
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调情是件好事，它能提高创造力。
03:59
But my own research suggests
things are different
things are different
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但我自己的研究表明，
04:02
for people who are watching
or who are subjected to the flirting.
or who are subjected to the flirting.
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对正在观看或被调情的人
来说，情况有所不同。
来说，情况有所不同。
04:06
It can be awkward, right?
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可能会很尴尬，对吧？
04:08
Witnessing flirtation in the workplace
creates a sense of not knowing the rules,
creates a sense of not knowing the rules,
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目睹职场上的调情
会让人产生不懂规矩，
会让人产生不懂规矩，
04:12
not knowing what's going on,
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不知道发生什么的感觉，
04:14
or maybe seeing something
that you shouldn't be seeing.
that you shouldn't be seeing.
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或者看到一些你不该看到的东西。
04:17
People who frequently witness
flirting at work --
flirting at work --
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更常在工作中看到职场调情的人——
04:19
they actually report feeling
less satisfied in their jobs,
less satisfied in their jobs,
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他们其实报告对工作的满意度更低，
04:22
and they feel less valued
by their company.
by their company.
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他们觉得公司对他们的重视程度更低。
04:25
They're more likely to give a negative
appraisal of the work environment,
appraisal of the work environment,
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他们更可能对工作环境作出负面评价，
04:28
and they may even consider leaving.
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并且他们甚至可能考虑离职。
04:30
For women, this association
can be even stronger.
can be even stronger.
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对于女性而言，这种联系会更加强烈。
04:33
This appears to be the case
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即使人们说
04:34
even when people report
not being bothered by the flirting.
not being bothered by the flirting.
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他们不介意调情，情况似乎也是如此。
04:38
It's true even when they say
they enjoy it.
they enjoy it.
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这是真的，即使他们说他们喜欢它。
04:40
So, a flirtatious environment
really could be toxic.
really could be toxic.
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所以，轻浮的环境真的有害。
04:44
Question seven:
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问题7：
04:45
Do I need a policy
on workplace relationships?
on workplace relationships?
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我们需要职场关系方面的政策吗？
04:48
You certainly need a policy
on a sexual harassment,
on a sexual harassment,
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你当然需要关于性骚扰的政策，
04:50
and I think most HR departments
recognize that.
recognize that.
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我认为很多HR部门都认识到这一点。
04:53
But for the kind of consensual
behavior we've been talking about,
behavior we've been talking about,
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但是对于我们一直在讨论的
两厢情愿的行为，
两厢情愿的行为，
04:56
it's a little different.
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这有点不同。
04:57
As much as people in HR
would love to wave a magic wand
would love to wave a magic wand
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HR部门的人都想挥舞一根魔杖说
05:01
and say, "Thou shall not
fall in love at work,"
fall in love at work,"
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“不能有办公室恋情”
05:04
it's just not realistic.
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这不够现实。
05:05
Emotional connection
and sexuality is who we are.
and sexuality is who we are.
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情感联系和性造就了我们。
05:09
I kind of want you
to flip the script a little bit.
to flip the script a little bit.
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我想让你们把这个脚本稍微翻一下。
05:11
I encourage HR
to really think more broadly
to really think more broadly
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我鼓励HR从更广泛的角度考虑
05:15
about their role in not necessarily
stamping out office romance,
stamping out office romance,
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他们在办公室恋情中所扮演的角色，
05:19
because I don't think that's realistic,
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因为我认为这是不现实的，
05:21
but how do I help create
a workplace climate and culture
a workplace climate and culture
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但我如何帮助营造
一种工作氛围和文化，
一种工作氛围和文化，
05:25
where people feel respected
for their individual contributions,
for their individual contributions,
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让人们因个人贡献而感到受尊重，
05:29
not for their appearance or their gender,
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而非外表和性别，
05:32
or their personal relationships?
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或者他们的私人关系呢？
05:34
So the larger question is,
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所以更大的问题其实是，
05:36
how do you make sure
people are valued and respected?
people are valued and respected?
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你如何确保人们被重视和尊重？
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Amy Nicole Baker - Organizational psychologistAmy Nicole Baker is an associate professor of psychology at the University of New Haven.
Why you should listen
Amy Nicole Baker received a Ph.D. in industrial and organizational psychology from the University of Maryland. Her research interests are in workplace romance, organizational climate, perceptions of women in the workplace and dual-earner couples. Her work has been published in some of the top journals in her field, including the Journal of Applied Psychology and Educational and Psychological Measurement.
Amy Nicole Baker | Speaker | TED.com