TED2019
David Brooks: The lies our culture tells us about what matters -- and a better way to live
大卫 · 布鲁克斯: 我们的文化欺骗了我们什么才是重要的——以及更好的生活方式
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我们在一场社会危机中。大卫 · 布鲁克斯，一位评论家和作家，说道： 我们被困在孤立和分裂的低谷中。我们怎么能逃出去呢？根据他在美国的旅行和遇到的形形色色的“织网者” —— 布鲁克斯提出了他对一场文化革命的愿景，让我们所有人都过上更有意义、更有目的、更有乐趣的生活。
David Brooks - Op-ed columnist
Writer and thinker David Brooks has covered business, crime and politics over a long career in journalism. Full bio
Writer and thinker David Brooks has covered business, crime and politics over a long career in journalism. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
人生总会经历枯季。
00:12
So, we all have bad seasons in life.
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00:15
And I had one in 2013.
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我的枯季在2013年。
00:18
My marriage had just ended,
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我的婚姻破裂了，
我失败的婚姻让我感到羞辱。
00:19
and I was humiliated
by that failed commitment.
by that failed commitment.
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我的孩子们离开家
去上大学了。
去上大学了。
00:22
My kids had left home for college
or were leaving.
or were leaving.
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00:26
I grew up mostly
in the conservative movement,
in the conservative movement,
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我在保守派运动中成长，
但如今，保守主义变了，
00:28
but conservatism had changed,
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00:30
so I lost a lot of those friends, too.
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因此我失去了不少老朋友。
00:32
And so what I did is,
I lived alone in an apartment,
I lived alone in an apartment,
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我能做的仅是
独居于公寓中，
独居于公寓中，
埋头工作。
00:35
and I just worked.
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00:37
If you opened the kitchen drawers
where there should have been utensils,
where there should have been utensils,
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若你在我家拉开厨具抽屉，
你看到会是各种便利贴。
00:40
there were Post-it notes.
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00:42
If you opened the other drawers
where there should have been plates,
where there should have been plates,
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你若拉开盘具抽屉，
那儿将充满信封。
00:46
I had envelopes.
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00:47
I had work friends, weekday friends,
but I didn't have weekend friends.
but I didn't have weekend friends.
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我有同事朋友，工作日的友人，
但到周末，我又是孤身一人。
但到周末，我又是孤身一人。
00:51
And so my weekends
were these long, howling silences.
were these long, howling silences.
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我的周末是漫长的寂静。
00:56
And I was lonely.
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我很孤独。
00:58
And loneliness, unexpectedly,
came to me in the form of --
came to me in the form of --
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寂寞以意想不到的方式击垮了我，
01:02
it felt like fear,
a burning in my stomach.
a burning in my stomach.
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它像是一种恐惧，
一种胃中的焦灼感。
一种胃中的焦灼感。
01:05
And it felt a little like drunkenness,
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有时又像是醉酒的感觉，
01:07
just making bad decisions,
just fluidity, lack of solidity.
just fluidity, lack of solidity.
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我无法作出正确的选择，
一切都随波逐流，毫无立足点。
一切都随波逐流，毫无立足点。
01:13
And the painful part of that moment
was the awareness
was the awareness
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最让我痛苦的是，
我意识到
我意识到
空空荡荡的公寓
只是我内心空虚的
只是我内心空虚的
01:17
that the emptiness in my apartment
was just reflective of the emptiness
was just reflective of the emptiness
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一种外在映射，
01:20
in myself,
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我被我们的文化中的谎言欺骗。
01:22
and that I had fallen for some of the lies
that our culture tells us.
that our culture tells us.
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01:27
The first lie is that
career success is fulfilling.
career success is fulfilling.
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第一条谎言是
事业成功会让你感到满足。
事业成功会让你感到满足。
我在事业上是小有成就，
01:30
I've had a fair bit of career success,
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它帮助我避免那种
觉得自己是个废物的
觉得自己是个废物的
01:32
and I've found that it helps me avoid
the shame I would feel
the shame I would feel
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挫败感，
01:35
if I felt myself a failure,
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01:37
but it hasn't given me any positive good.
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但它也给不了我
任何的正能量。
任何的正能量。
01:40
The second lie is I can make myself happy,
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第二个谎言是
若我可以再胜利一次，
若我可以再胜利一次，
01:44
that if I just win one more victory,
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我可以让自己变快乐。
01:46
lose 15 pounds, do a little more yoga,
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像是减肥15磅，做一下瑜伽，
我就会变得开心起来。
01:50
I'll get happy.
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01:51
And that's the lie of self-sufficiency.
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这是“自给自足”的谎言。
01:54
But as anybody
on their deathbed will tell you,
on their deathbed will tell you,
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任何即将离世的人
都会跟你说，
都会跟你说，
01:57
the things that make people happy
is the deep relationships of life,
is the deep relationships of life,
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人生中最愉悦的莫过于
各种深厚的交情，
各种深厚的交情，
02:00
the losing of self-sufficiency.
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忘记自给自足的概念。
02:03
The third lie is the lie
of the meritocracy.
of the meritocracy.
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第三个是关于
精英主义的谎言。
精英主义的谎言。
02:07
The message of the meritocracy
is you are what you accomplish.
is you are what you accomplish.
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这个主义传递着一个信息：
你的成就造就了你。
你的成就造就了你。
02:11
The myth of the meritocracy
is you can earn dignity
is you can earn dignity
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精英主义告诉人们，
他们可以通过
他们可以通过
穿戴名牌赢得自尊。
02:13
by attaching yourself
to prestigious brands.
to prestigious brands.
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精英主义是有条件的爱，
02:16
The emotion of the meritocracy
is conditional love,
is conditional love,
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02:19
you can "earn" your way to love.
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你可以努力“挣”到爱。
精英主义不会把你看作
一个需要被救赎的灵魂，
一个需要被救赎的灵魂，
02:20
The anthropology of the meritocracy
is you're not a soul to be purified,
is you're not a soul to be purified,
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而是技能被最大化利用的技能套装。
02:24
you're a set of skills to be maximized.
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02:26
And the evil of the meritocracy
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它最邪恶之处是
比别人取得多一点成就的人
02:28
is that people who've achieved
a little more than others
a little more than others
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会被看作更有价值。
02:31
are actually worth
a little more than others.
a little more than others.
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02:34
And so the wages of sin are sin.
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罪的代价还是罪恶。
02:36
And my sins were the sins of omission--
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而我的罪在于我的疏忽，
02:38
not reaching out,
failing to show up for my friends,
failing to show up for my friends,
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没有主动去社交，
没有和友人保持联系，
没有和友人保持联系，
回避、绕开冲突。
02:41
evasion, avoiding conflict.
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02:43
And the weird thing was
that as I was falling into the valley --
that as I was falling into the valley --
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更奇怪的是，当我
渐渐跌入低谷中时--
渐渐跌入低谷中时--
就与外界失联了--
02:46
it was a valley of disconnection --
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很多人也正经历着这些。
02:48
a lot of other people
were doing that, too.
were doing that, too.
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02:51
And that's sort of
the secret to my career;
the secret to my career;
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这也算是我事业的秘密吧，
我的人生中发生的事，
02:53
a lot of the things that happen to me
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通常也会发生在其他人身上。
02:54
are always happening
to a lot of other people.
to a lot of other people.
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我是个平凡的人，
虽然我的沟通能力还行。
虽然我的沟通能力还行。
02:57
I'm a very average person
with above average communication skills.
with above average communication skills.
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（笑声）
03:00
(Laughter)
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03:01
And so I was detached.
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我产生被孤立感的同时，
03:03
And at the same time,
a lot of other people were detached
a lot of other people were detached
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很多人也有同感，
感到自己是座孤岛，
感到自己是座孤岛，
03:06
and isolated and fragmented
from each other.
from each other.
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与别人被拆分开。
03:09
Thirty-five percent of Americans
over 45 are chronically lonely.
over 45 are chronically lonely.
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百分之三十五45岁以上的
美国人长期感到孤独。
美国人长期感到孤独。
03:12
Only eight percent of Americans
report having meaningful conversation
report having meaningful conversation
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只有百分之八的美国人
与他们的邻居之间
与他们的邻居之间
03:15
with their neighbors.
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有过深度交谈。
03:16
Only 32 percent of Americans
say they trust their neighbors,
say they trust their neighbors,
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只有百分之三十二的美国人，
以及百分之十八的千禧一代说
以及百分之十八的千禧一代说
03:19
and only 18 percent of millennials.
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他们信任他们的邻居。
03:21
The fastest-growing
political party is unaffiliated.
political party is unaffiliated.
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发展最快的政治党派是独立的。
03:24
The fastest-growing religious
movement is unaffiliated.
movement is unaffiliated.
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扩张得最快的宗教运动
也是与别的宗教无关联的。
也是与别的宗教无关联的。
抑郁症比例在上升，
心理疾病变得更普遍。
心理疾病变得更普遍。
03:26
Depression rates are rising,
mental health problems are rising.
mental health problems are rising.
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自杀率自1999年
上升了百分之三十。
上升了百分之三十。
03:29
The suicide rate has risen
30 percent since 1999.
30 percent since 1999.
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近几年青少年自杀率
03:33
For teen suicides
over the last several years,
over the last several years,
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03:35
the suicide rate has risen by 70 percent.
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上升了百分之七十。
03:39
Forty-five thousand Americans
kill themselves every year;
kill themselves every year;
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每年四万五千美国人死于自杀，
七万两千死于鸦片类药品上瘾；
03:41
72,000 die from opioid addictions;
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03:44
life expectancy is falling, not rising.
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平均寿命在变短而不是变长。
03:48
So what I mean to tell you,
I flew out here to say
I flew out here to say
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所以我今天来到这里想说的是
如今人类面临着经济、环境危机
03:51
that we have an economic crisis,
we have environmental crisis,
we have environmental crisis,
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还有政治危机。
03:54
we have a political crisis.
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我们还经历着社交
与人际关系危机。
与人际关系危机。
03:55
We also have a social
and relational crisis;
and relational crisis;
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我们正处于那个低谷。
03:58
we're in the valley.
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03:59
We're fragmented from each other,
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人际关系支离破碎，
而政界也是谎话连篇...
04:01
we've got cascades of lies
coming out of Washington ...
coming out of Washington ...
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04:03
We're in the valley.
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我们困在了这个低谷。
04:05
And so I've spent the last five years --
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在过去的这五年中，
我一直在思考
如何走出这个低谷。
如何走出这个低谷。
04:07
how do you get out of a valley?
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04:09
The Greeks used to say,
"You suffer your way to wisdom."
"You suffer your way to wisdom."
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古希腊人常说说，
“必经磨难，终得智慧”。
“必经磨难，终得智慧”。
04:13
And from that dark period where I started,
I've had a few realizations.
I've had a few realizations.
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在我人生那段黑暗时光中，
我有了些许认识。
我有了些许认识。
04:17
The first is, freedom sucks.
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第一，自由糟透了。
04:20
Economic freedom is OK,
political freedom is great,
political freedom is great,
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经济自由还可以，
政治自由非常好，
政治自由非常好，
社交自由是件坏事。
04:23
social freedom sucks.
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04:26
The unrooted man is the adrift man.
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无根之人注定要漂泊。
04:28
The unrooted man is the unremembered man,
because he's uncommitted to things.
because he's uncommitted to things.
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无根之人注定会被遗忘，
因为他从不会做出承诺。
因为他从不会做出承诺。
04:32
Freedom is not an ocean
you want to swim in,
you want to swim in,
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自由不是你可畅游的海洋，
而是你需跨越的一条河流，
04:36
it's a river you want to get across,
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这样你才可以
扎根于河对岸。
扎根于河对岸。
04:38
so you can commit and plant yourself
on the other side.
on the other side.
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04:41
The second thing I learned
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我学到的第二件事是，
当坏事发生在你身上时，
04:42
is that when you have
one of those bad moments in life,
one of those bad moments in life,
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04:45
you can either be broken,
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你不是被打击，
就是思维被打开。
04:46
or you can be broken open.
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04:48
And we all know people who are broken.
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我们都认识受过打击的人。
04:50
They've endured some pain
or grief, they get smaller,
or grief, they get smaller,
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他们忍受着痛苦与
悲伤，愈加变小，
悲伤，愈加变小，
04:53
they get angrier, resentful,
they lash out.
they lash out.
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愈发愤世嫉俗，抨击时事。
04:55
As the saying is,
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俗话说，
04:56
"Pain that is not transformed
gets transmitted."
gets transmitted."
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“不被转化的痛苦会被传播”。
04:59
But other people are broken open.
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另一些人的思维
会被磨难打开。
会被磨难打开。
05:03
Suffering's great power
is that it's an interruption of life.
is that it's an interruption of life.
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磨难的破坏力在于
它会扰乱正常生活。
它会扰乱正常生活。
05:06
It reminds you you're not the person
you thought you were.
you thought you were.
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它会提醒你，
你与想象中的自己不一样。
你与想象中的自己不一样。
05:09
The theologian Paul Tillich said
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神学家保罗·提利时说
05:10
what suffering does is it carves through
what you thought was the floor
what you thought was the floor
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磨难会穿透你以为是
05:14
of the basement of your soul,
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你的灵魂最深的地方，
05:15
and it carves through that,
revealing a cavity below,
revealing a cavity below,
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露出一个蛀洞,
05:17
and it carves through that,
revealing a cavity below.
revealing a cavity below.
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然后再往深处挖掘，
露出又一个蛀洞。
露出又一个蛀洞。
05:20
You realize there are depths of yourself
you never anticipated,
you never anticipated,
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你触及到深度是
你从未预料到的，
你从未预料到的，
而能填补那深层空虚的只有
精神粮食和人际关系。
精神粮食和人际关系。
05:23
and only spiritual and relational food
will fill those depths.
will fill those depths.
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05:28
And when you get down there,
you get out of the head of the ego
you get out of the head of the ego
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当你到达那深处，
你会忘记自我，
你会忘记自我，
触及心灵，
05:31
and you get into the heart,
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充满渴求的心灵。
05:32
the desiring heart.
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05:34
The idea that what we really yearn for
is longing and love for another,
is longing and love for another,
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我们真正想要的是
对他人的爱与思念，
对他人的爱与思念，
05:38
the kind of thing that Louis de Bernières
described in his book,
described in his book,
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路易·德博尼尔在他的书中
写过有关的感受。
写过有关的感受。
在《柯莱利上尉的曼陀林》中，
05:41
"Captain Corelli's Mandolin."
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他写了一个老人和他女儿诉说
05:43
He had an old guy talking to his daughter
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他与去世的妻子的故事，
05:45
about his relationship with his late wife,
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老人说到，
05:47
and the old guy says,
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05:48
"Love itself is whatever is leftover
when being in love is burned away.
when being in love is burned away.
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“爱的本质是热爱之火
烧尽时剩下的一切。
烧尽时剩下的一切。
这既是一种艺术，
也是幸运的巧合。
也是幸运的巧合。
05:52
And this is both an art
and a fortunate accident.
and a fortunate accident.
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05:55
Your mother and I had it.
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你妈妈和我有幸拥有它。
05:57
We had roots that grew
towards each other underground,
towards each other underground,
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我们的根在地底深深缠绕，
当那些美丽的花瓣
从树枝上凋落时，
从树枝上凋落时，
05:59
and when all the pretty blossoms
had fallen from our branches,
had fallen from our branches,
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06:02
we discovered that we are
one tree and not two."
one tree and not two."
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我们发现，我们早已
融为一棵大树。”
融为一棵大树。”
06:05
That's what the heart yearns for.
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这是我们心之所求。
06:07
The second thing
you discover is your soul.
you discover is your soul.
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第二件事是
你会认识自己的灵魂。
你会认识自己的灵魂。
06:10
Now, I don't ask you to believe in God
or not believe in God,
or not believe in God,
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我并非要传教，
让你去相信上帝，
让你去相信上帝，
但我希望你可以相信
06:13
but I do ask you to believe
that there's a piece of you
that there's a piece of you
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你的一部分是无形，无色，无量的，
06:16
that has no shape, size, color or weight,
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但它能给予你无限的自尊和价值。
06:18
but that gives you
infinite dignity and value.
infinite dignity and value.
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06:21
Rich and successful people
don't have more of this
don't have more of this
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富有、成功人士并不会
比那些尚未成功之人
多一丝的灵魂。
多一丝的灵魂。
06:23
than less successful people.
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06:25
Slavery is wrong because
it's an obliteration of another soul.
it's an obliteration of another soul.
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奴隶制之所以是错的
是因为它试图抹杀一个灵魂。
是因为它试图抹杀一个灵魂。
强奸不仅是对肉体的折磨，
06:29
Rape is not just an attack
on a bunch of physical molecules,
on a bunch of physical molecules,
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更是对一个灵魂的亵渎。
06:32
it's an attempt to insult
another person's soul.
another person's soul.
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灵魂渴求的是正义。
06:34
And what the soul does
is it yearns for righteousness.
is it yearns for righteousness.
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06:38
The heart yearns for fusion with another,
the soul yearns for righteousness.
the soul yearns for righteousness.
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心之所求是与另一颗心的融合，
而灵魂之所求则是正义。
而灵魂之所求则是正义。
这也让我意识到第三件事，
这里我借用爱因斯坦的话：
这里我借用爱因斯坦的话：
06:41
And that led to my third realization,
which I borrowed from Einstein:
which I borrowed from Einstein:
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06:45
"The problem you have
is not going to be solved
is not going to be solved
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“用产生问题的
思维解决问题
思维解决问题
是行不通的。
06:48
at the level of consciousness
on which you created it.
on which you created it.
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06:50
You have to expand
to a different level of consciousness."
to a different level of consciousness."
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你要拓展思维至新的层次”。
那么我们应该怎么办呢?
06:54
So what do you do?
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第一件事是，让自己
全身投入于朋友之间，
全身投入于朋友之间，
06:56
Well, the first thing you do
is you throw yourself on your friends
is you throw yourself on your friends
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与他们进行从未有过的深层交谈。
06:59
and you have deeper conversations
that you ever had before.
that you ever had before.
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第二件事有些不同，
07:02
But the second thing you do,
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你需要独自融入大自然。
07:03
you have to go out alone
into the wilderness.
into the wilderness.
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你需要去到一个地方，
在那儿没有任何人会是你的观众，
在那儿没有任何人会是你的观众，
07:05
You go out into that place
where there's nobody there to perform,
where there's nobody there to perform,
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在这里你的自尊心
毫无用处并逐渐粉碎，
毫无用处并逐渐粉碎，
07:08
and the ego has nothing to do,
and it crumbles,
and it crumbles,
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只有那时，你才可以被爱。
07:11
and only then are you capable
of being loved.
of being loved.
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07:13
I have a friend who said
that when her daughter was born,
that when her daughter was born,
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我有一个朋友告诉我，
当她女儿出生时，
当她女儿出生时，
她意识到，她爱女儿多过于进化所需。
07:17
she realized that she loved her
more than evolution required.
more than evolution required.
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07:21
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
我太喜欢这句话了。
07:22
And I've always loved that.
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07:23
(Applause)
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（掌声）
因为它讲述的是我们
内心深处的平静，
内心深处的平静，
07:24
Because it talks about the peace
that's at the deep of ourself,
that's at the deep of ourself,
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我们对彼此难以言述的关心。
07:27
our inexplicable care for one another.
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07:30
And when you touch that spot,
you're ready to be rescued.
you're ready to be rescued.
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当你触及那个层次，
你就可以被救赎了。
你就可以被救赎了。
07:33
The hard thing about
when you're in the valley
when you're in the valley
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当你处在低谷中时，
最难的事莫过于
最难的事莫过于
无法独自爬出这个低洼；
07:37
is that you can't climb out;
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有人需要伸出援手，将你拉出。
07:38
somebody has to reach in and pull you out.
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07:41
It happened to me.
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这也发生在了我身上。
07:42
I got, luckily, invited over to a house
by a couple named Kathy and David,
by a couple named Kathy and David,
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我有幸被凯茜和大卫夫妇邀请
07:46
and they were --
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去他们家。
07:48
They had a kid in the DC
public school, his name's Santi.
public school, his name's Santi.
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他们的孩子桑提在
华盛顿的公立学校读书。
华盛顿的公立学校读书。
桑提的一个朋友
需要找个地方住，
需要找个地方住，
07:50
Santi had a friend
who needed a place to stay
who needed a place to stay
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因为他的妈妈有些健康问题。
07:53
because his mom had some health issues.
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而那个朋友也认识个
需要帮助的朋友，以此类推。
需要帮助的朋友，以此类推。
07:54
And then that kid had a friend
and that kid had a friend.
and that kid had a friend.
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07:57
When I went to their house six years ago,
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当我去到他们家做客时，
07:59
I walk in the door, there's like
25 around the kitchen table,
25 around the kitchen table,
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我走进门，餐桌旁
坐着二十五个人，
坐着二十五个人，
还有一些正在地下室睡着。
08:02
a whole bunch sleeping
downstairs in the basement.
downstairs in the basement.
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我正要向一个孩子做自我介绍，
08:04
I reach out to introduce myself to a kid,
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08:07
and he says, "We don't really
shake hands here.
shake hands here.
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他说道，
“我们这儿可不流行握手，
“我们这儿可不流行握手，
08:10
We just hug here."
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抱一个吧。“
08:12
And I'm not the huggiest guy
on the face of the earth,
on the face of the earth,
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我虽不是地球上
最喜欢拥抱的人，
最喜欢拥抱的人，
08:15
but I've been going back to that home
every Thursday night when I'm in town,
every Thursday night when I'm in town,
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但有着什么一直吸引着我，
在每周四去到他们家时，
在每周四去到他们家时，
与这些孩子一个个拥抱问好。
08:18
and just hugging all those kids.
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他们想与你亲密无间。
08:20
They demand intimacy.
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他们需要你完全放开自我。
08:22
They demand that you behave in a way
where you're showing all the way up.
where you're showing all the way up.
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08:26
And they teach you a new way to live,
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他们教会你一种全新的生活方式，
08:28
which is the cure
for all the ills of our culture
for all the ills of our culture
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可以治愈所有文化之殇，
这其实很简单，就是将
人际关系放在第一位，
人际关系放在第一位，
08:30
which is a way of direct --
really putting relationship first,
really putting relationship first,
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并非空谈，而要实践。
08:33
not just as a word, but as a reality.
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08:37
And the beautiful thing is,
these communities are everywhere.
these communities are everywhere.
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而最美好之处就是，
这种团体无处不在。
这种团体无处不在。
我在阿斯彭研究所建立了
“织：社会之网”。
“织：社会之网”。
08:41
I started something at the Aspen Institute
called "Weave: The Social Fabric."
called "Weave: The Social Fabric."
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这是我们的标志。
08:45
This is our logo here.
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我们发现身边有很多织网者。
08:46
And we plop into a place and we find
weavers anywhere, everywhere.
weavers anywhere, everywhere.
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08:50
We find people like Asiaha Butler,
who grew up in --
who grew up in --
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像是艾依莎·巴特勒 --
08:54
who lived in Chicago, in Englewood,
in a tough neighborhood.
in a tough neighborhood.
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她居住在芝加哥的英格伍德，
那是一个危险的街区。
那是一个危险的街区。
因为身处危险地段，
她正想要搬家，
她正想要搬家，
08:56
And she was about to move
because it was so dangerous,
because it was so dangerous,
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09:00
and she looked across the street
and she saw two little girls
and she saw two little girls
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但她看到路对边，
有两个小女孩
有两个小女孩
在空停车场里玩碎瓶子。
09:03
playing in an empty lot
with broken bottles,
with broken bottles,
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她转头和她丈夫说，
“我们不搬了。
“我们不搬了。
09:05
and she turned to her husband
and she said, "We're not leaving.
and she said, "We're not leaving.
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09:08
We're not going to be just another family
that abandon that."
that abandon that."
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我们不能像其他家庭那样
一走了之，丢下这里不管。”
一走了之，丢下这里不管。”
她马上搜索了“英格伍德志愿者”，
现在她管理着“R.A.G.E”，
现在她管理着“R.A.G.E”，
09:11
And she Googled "volunteer in Englewood,"
and now she runs R.A.G.E.,
and now she runs R.A.G.E.,
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那里最大的社区组织。
09:14
the big community organization there.
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09:16
Some of these people
have had tough valleys.
have had tough valleys.
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很多人都经历过人生的低谷。
09:19
I met a woman named Sarah in Ohio
who came home from an antiquing trip
who came home from an antiquing trip
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我遇见一个叫莎拉的女士，
她在一段古董之旅结束回家后，
她在一段古董之旅结束回家后，
发现她丈夫杀了她的
两个孩子后自杀了。
两个孩子后自杀了。
09:23
and found that her husband
had killed himself and their two kids.
had killed himself and their two kids.
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09:27
She now runs a free pharmacy,
she volunteers in the community,
she volunteers in the community,
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她现在管理一所免费药房，
在社区里积极做志愿工作，
在社区里积极做志愿工作，
09:31
she helps women cope
with violence, she teaches.
with violence, she teaches.
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帮助并教其他女性处理暴力事件，
09:34
She told me, "I grew from this
experience because I was angry.
experience because I was angry.
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“我能从这段经历里成长，
是因为我很愤怒”，她说，
是因为我很愤怒”，她说，
“我要反击并通过改变这个世界
09:37
I was going to fight back against
what he tried to do to me
what he tried to do to me
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来向他宣战。
09:40
by making a difference in the world.
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他没能杀了我。
09:41
See, he didn't kill me.
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我想对他说，
09:43
My response to him is,
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‘无论你怎样试图伤害我，
去你的，你就是不行。' "
去你的，你就是不行。' "
09:45
'Whatever you meant to do to me,
screw you, you're not going to do it.'"
screw you, you're not going to do it.'"
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09:50
These weavers are not living
an individualistic life,
an individualistic life,
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这些织网者都不以
个人主义的方式生活，
个人主义的方式生活，
他们重视人际关系，
有一套不同的价值观。
有一套不同的价值观。
09:53
they're living a relationist life,
they have a different set of values.
they have a different set of values.
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他们充满道德积极性。
09:56
They have moral motivations.
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09:58
They have vocational certitude,
they have planted themselves down.
they have planted themselves down.
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他们愿意发声，
他们平易近人。
他们平易近人。
我曾在俄亥俄州的
扬斯敦遇见一个人，
扬斯敦遇见一个人，
10:01
I met a guy in Youngstown, Ohio,
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他当时在镇中心
举着一块牌子，
举着一块牌子，
10:03
who just held up a sign
in the town square,
in the town square,
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上面写着：“捍卫扬斯敦”。
10:05
"Defend Youngstown."
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他们有着超前的集体感，
10:06
They have radical mutuality,
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他们是人际关系方面天才。
10:08
and they are geniuses at relationship.
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10:11
There's a woman named Mary Gordon
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有一位叫玛丽·戈登的女士
运营着“同理心种子计划”。
10:12
who runs something
called Roots of Empathy.
called Roots of Empathy.
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他们聚集一群八年级的孩子，
10:15
And what they do is they take
a bunch of kids, an eighth grade class,
a bunch of kids, an eighth grade class,
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找到一对母婴，
10:18
they put a mom and an infant,
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10:20
and then the students have to guess
what the infant is thinking,
what the infant is thinking,
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并让这些学生猜
婴儿在想些什么，
婴儿在想些什么，
10:23
to teach empathy.
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由此来培养他们的同理心。
10:24
There was one kid in a class
who was bigger than the rest
who was bigger than the rest
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课上有一个孩子，
看起来比其他人都要大，
看起来比其他人都要大，
他留了几级并且
一直住在寄养家庭，
一直住在寄养家庭，
10:27
because he'd been held back,
been through the foster care system,
been through the foster care system,
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他亲眼目睹了他母亲被杀。
10:31
seen his mom get killed.
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10:32
And he wanted to hold the baby.
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他想要抱抱这个婴儿。
那个妈妈有些紧张，因为男孩
人高马大，有些吓人。
人高马大，有些吓人。
10:34
And the mom was nervous
because he looked big and scary.
because he looked big and scary.
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但她仍让这个名叫
达伦的男孩抱了婴儿。
达伦的男孩抱了婴儿。
10:37
But she let this kid,
Darren, hold the baby.
Darren, hold the baby.
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他抱着小孩，做得特别棒。
10:39
He held it, and he was great with it.
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10:43
He gave the baby back and started
asking questions about parenthood.
asking questions about parenthood.
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他把孩子递还给了妈妈，
开始问有关当父母的问题。
开始问有关当父母的问题。
10:47
And his final question was,
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他最后的问题是，
“若从没有人爱过你，
你还可能成为一个好父亲吗？”
你还可能成为一个好父亲吗？”
10:48
"If nobody has ever loved you,
do you think you can be a good father?"
do you think you can be a good father?"
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10:52
And so what Roots of Empathy does
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这就是“同理心种子计划”的力量，
10:54
is they reach down and they grab
people out of the valley.
people out of the valley.
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他们伸出援手，
将人拉出低谷。
将人拉出低谷。
这也是织网者所做的。
10:57
And that's what weavers are doing.
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11:01
Some of them switch jobs.
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他们中的一些人换了工作。
11:03
Some of them stay in their same jobs.
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另一些会待在同一个岗位上。
11:06
But one thing is,
they have an intensity to them.
they have an intensity to them.
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但他们都有着同样的热情。
11:09
I read this --
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我正在读 --
11:11
E.O. Wilson wrote a great book
called "Naturalist," about his childhood.
called "Naturalist," about his childhood.
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E·O·威尔森写的一本关于
他童年的书，叫《自然主义者》。
他童年的书，叫《自然主义者》。
11:17
When he was seven,
his parents were divorcing.
his parents were divorcing.
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他七岁时，他的父母要离婚。
11:21
And they sent him
to Paradise Beach in North Florida.
to Paradise Beach in North Florida.
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3167
他们把他送到
北佛罗里达的天堂滩。
北佛罗里达的天堂滩。
他从未见过海洋。
11:24
And he'd never seen the ocean before.
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1836
11:26
And he'd never seen a jellyfish before.
250
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没见过水母。
他写道： “这种生物太惊奇了。
它存在于我想象力之外”。
它存在于我想象力之外”。
11:29
He wrote, "The creature was astonishing.
It existed beyond my imagination."
It existed beyond my imagination."
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4091
11:33
He was sitting on the dock one day
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有天，他坐在码头上，
看到一条魟鱼在他脚下游过。
11:35
and he saw a stingray
float beneath his feet.
float beneath his feet.
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2737
11:38
And at that moment, a naturalist was born
in the awe and wonder.
in the awe and wonder.
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那一刻，在敬畏和惊奇中，
一个自然主义者诞生了。
一个自然主义者诞生了。
11:42
And he makes this observation:
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他发现，
11:44
that when you're a child,
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当你是个孩子时，
会把动物看作
大人眼中两倍大。
大人眼中两倍大。
11:45
you see animals at twice the size
as you do as an adult.
as you do as an adult.
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11:50
And that has always impressed me,
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这打动了我，
因为我们所需的正是
孩子所有的强烈道德感，
孩子所有的强烈道德感，
11:51
because what we want as kids
is that moral intensity,
is that moral intensity,
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让我们完全臣服于某物，
11:56
to be totally given ourselves
over to something
over to something
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找到那种使命感。
11:59
and to find that level of vocation.
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12:02
And when you are around these weavers,
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当你身边围绕着这些织网者时，
12:04
they see other people
at twice the size as normal people.
at twice the size as normal people.
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他们会将别人看作两倍大，
12:07
They see deeper into them.
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他们看人更深，
12:09
And what they see is joy.
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他们看到乐趣。
12:13
On the first mountain of our life,
when we're shooting for our career,
when we're shooting for our career,
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在人生第一座大山上，
我们的事业刚刚起步时，
我们的事业刚刚起步时，
12:16
we shoot for happiness.
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我们追逐的是幸福感。
12:19
And happiness is good,
it's the expansion of self.
it's the expansion of self.
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幸福感是不错，
它是自我的膨胀。
它是自我的膨胀。
你赢了一场战役，
12:22
You win a victory,
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12:24
you get a promotion,
your team wins the Super Bowl,
your team wins the Super Bowl,
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你升职了，你的队伍
赢得了超级碗，
赢得了超级碗，
你很开心。
12:28
you're happy.
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12:30
Joy is not the expansion of self,
it's the dissolving of self.
it's the dissolving of self.
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但乐趣不是自我膨胀，
而是自我溶解。
而是自我溶解。
12:34
It's the moment when the skin barrier
disappears between a mother and her child,
disappears between a mother and her child,
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乐趣存在于母亲和她孩子
之间再无肌肤之隔时，
之间再无肌肤之隔时，
乐趣会在一个自然主义者
在大自然中放飞自我时出现。
在大自然中放飞自我时出现。
12:39
it's the moment when a naturalist
feels just free in nature.
feels just free in nature.
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12:43
It's the moment where you're so lost
in your work or a cause,
in your work or a cause,
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当你完全沉浸在工作和事业中，
乐趣会在你忘乎自我时找到你。
12:46
you have totally self-forgotten.
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12:48
And joy is a better thing
to aim for than happiness.
to aim for than happiness.
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寻找乐趣比追逐幸福更好。
我一直在收集人们
描写乐趣的文字。
描写乐趣的文字。
12:51
I collect passages of joy,
of people when they lose it.
of people when they lose it.
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其中我最喜欢的是
扎迪·史密斯写的一段。
扎迪·史密斯写的一段。
12:54
One of my favorite is from Zadie Smith.
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12:56
In 1999, she was in a London nightclub,
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1999年，她在伦敦的一家夜店，
13:00
looking for her friends,
wondering where her handbag was.
wondering where her handbag was.
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她一边寻找她的的朋友，
一边在找自己的手袋。
一边在找自己的手袋。
13:03
And suddenly, as she writes,
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她写道，“突然间，
13:05
"... a rail-thin man with enormous eyes
reached across a sea of bodies
reached across a sea of bodies
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一个有着大眼睛的精瘦男人
13:08
for my hand.
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越过人海，向我伸出手。
13:10
He kept asking me the same thing
over and over, 'Are you feeling it?'
over and over, 'Are you feeling it?'
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他一遍遍地问我同一个问题，
‘你感受到了吗？’
‘你感受到了吗？’
我正受着高跟鞋的折磨，
担心着我的人身安全，
担心着我的人身安全，
13:13
My ridiculous heels were killing me,
I was terrified that I might die,
I was terrified that I might die,
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13:17
yet I felt simultaneously
overwhelmed with delight
overwhelmed with delight
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但同时，我心中充满了喜悦，
因为 ‘Can I Kick It?’ 这首歌
13:20
that 'Can I Kick It?'
should happen to be playing
should happen to be playing
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正好在人类历史的
这个特定时刻
这个特定时刻
13:22
on this precise moment
in the history of the world
in the history of the world
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在这家夜店的音响中播出，
13:24
on the sound system,
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13:26
and it was now morphing
into 'Teen Spirit.'
into 'Teen Spirit.'
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现在，正慢慢渐进到
‘Teen Spirit’ 这首歌。
‘Teen Spirit’ 这首歌。
我握住了那个男人的手，
我完全被震住了，
我完全被震住了，
13:28
I took the man's hand,
the top of my head blew away,
the top of my head blew away,
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我们不停地跳着舞，无比快乐”。
13:31
we danced, we danced,
we gave ourselves up to joy."
we gave ourselves up to joy."
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13:35
And so what I'm trying to describe
is two different life mindsets.
is two different life mindsets.
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所以说，我尝试描述的
是两种生活方式。
是两种生活方式。
13:39
The first mountain mindset, which is about
individual happiness and career success.
individual happiness and career success.
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第一种“登山模式”有关
个人幸福和事业成功。
个人幸福和事业成功。
13:44
And it's a good mindset,
I have nothing against it.
I have nothing against it.
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我不反对这种价值观，
因为它没什么问题。
因为它没什么问题。
但我们的国家正处在低谷中，
13:47
But we're in a national valley,
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正因为我们缺少另一种
生活方式来维持平衡。
生活方式来维持平衡。
13:49
because we don't have
the other mindset to balance it.
the other mindset to balance it.
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我们不再为自己感到高兴，
13:52
We no longer feel good
about ourselves as a people,
about ourselves as a people,
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13:54
we've lost our defining
faith in our future,
faith in our future,
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我们已失去了对未来的信念，
我们不再与人交往颇深，
我们不再友善地对待他人。
我们不再友善地对待他人。
13:57
we don't see each other deeply,
we don't treat each other as well.
we don't treat each other as well.
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14:01
And we need a lot of changes.
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我们急需改变。
14:03
We need an economic change
and environmental change.
and environmental change.
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我们需要经济和环境的改变。
14:06
But we also need a cultural
and relational revolution.
and relational revolution.
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但我们同时也需要文化
和社会关系上的革命。
和社会关系上的革命。
14:09
We need to name the language
of a recovered society.
of a recovered society.
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我们需要一种语言来
描述这个正在恢复的社会。
描述这个正在恢复的社会。
14:14
And to me, the weavers
have found that language.
have found that language.
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对我来说，织网者
找到了这一语言。
找到了这一语言。
14:17
My theory of social change
is that society changes
is that society changes
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我认为，社会改变在于
14:20
when a small group of people
find a better way to live,
find a better way to live,
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一些人找到更好的生活方式，
而其他人效仿。
14:23
and the rest of us copy them.
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14:25
And these weavers have found
a better way to live.
a better way to live.
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这些织网者已经找到了
一个更好的生活方式。
一个更好的生活方式。
你无须将它理论化。
14:28
And you don't have to theorize about it.
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他们作为团体的建造者
遍布在这个国家的每个角落。
遍布在这个国家的每个角落。
14:30
They are out there as community builders
all around the country.
all around the country.
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14:34
We just have to shift our lives a little,
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我们只需稍微
改变一下自己的生活，
改变一下自己的生活，
这样我们就能说，
“我是一个织网者，我们都是织网者。”
“我是一个织网者，我们都是织网者。”
14:36
so we can say, "I'm a weaver,
we're a weaver."
we're a weaver."
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14:39
And if we do that,
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当我们都这样做时，
14:42
the hole inside ourselves gets filled,
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我们内心的空虚将被填补，
更重要的是，
整个社会将被修复。
整个社会将被修复。
14:44
but more important,
the social unity gets repaired.
the social unity gets repaired.
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谢谢。
14:47
Thank you very much.
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（掌声）
14:48
(Applause)
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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
David Brooks - Op-ed columnistWriter and thinker David Brooks has covered business, crime and politics over a long career in journalism.
Why you should listen
David Brooks became an Op-Ed columnist for The New York Times in September 2003. He is currently a commentator on "The PBS Newshour," NPR’s "All Things Considered" and NBC's "Meet the Press."
He is the author of Bobos in Paradise and The Social Animal. In April 2015, he released with his fourth book, The Road to Character, which was a #1 New York Times bestseller.
Brooks also teaches at Yale University, and is a member of the American Academy of Arts & Sciences.
Born on August 11, 1961 in Toronto, Canada, Brooks graduated a bachelor of history from the University of Chicago in 1983. He became a police reporter for the City News Bureau, a wire service owned jointly by the Chicago Tribune and Sun-Times.
He worked at The Washington Times and then The Wall Street Journal for nine years. His last post at the Journal was as Op-ed Editor. Prior to that, he was posted in Brussels, covering Russia, the Middle East, South Africa and European affairs. His first post at the Journal was as editor of the book review section, and he filled in as the Journal's movie critic.
He also served as a senior editor at The Weekly Standard for 9 years, as well as contributing editor for The Atlantic and Newsweek.
David Brooks | Speaker | TED.com